Episode 39: The messy journey to finding your niche

00:54 You're listening to The Business of Stories with Susan Paton, showing you how to share stories that do the selling in your business so you don't have too. One thing I've noticed after years of working with business owners on their messaging and storytelling is that very few people find clarity in a straight line Most people don't wake up one morning with a perfectly polished niche, A crystal clear message and a business that suddenly makes complete sense. Instead it's often messy It's a journey full of pivots and false starts Moments where you think you've figured it out only to realise there is still something missing

01:39 Times when you try to fit yourself into a box that doesn't quite fit. And moments where you wonder if everyone else got handed a roadmap that somehow skipped you by! But here's what I've also seen, that all the answers you're looking for are hiding in your stories even if you can't clearly see them yet In this episode, I'm joined by one of my clients for a really honest conversation about the twists and turns on her journey to getting the clarity she needed. And how she felt confused about who her ideal client was what her niche was what her core message was and how one word just wasn't feeling aligned for her

02:23 Lema Wiffen helps high-achieving women who've built a business or they're the person that's holding everything together, but they're exhausted from the weight of carrying it all and they've somehow lost themselves in the process. Here is her story about the messy sometimes frustrating and ultimately transformational journey to finding her niche So, Lema. Thank you so much for agreeing to come and join me for a chat about the journey that you've been on over the last few months

03:01 As we've worked together on working out who your ideal client is, what your niche is, what you want your business to look like. All of those lovely things that we need to know and I asked you to come and have this conversation with me because the process that you've been through to get the clarity that you were looking for has been a very iterative one Which has brought up lots of things for you and I think that they are things that a lot of people will resonate with because no journey is a straight road. It always has lots of twists and turns before you land on the right thing, right? The thing that feels good. And I think that in itself can be reassuring for people that you don't start out with all the answers

03:51 I think it's really helpful to hear what that journey has looked like for other people. And also, I'd love to talk about how it's by unpacking your stories that you started to get clear on your value and what you help people do and how to position yourself as the guide that helps your ideal clients achieve what they want to achieve So, our story if you like started a while back when I was rewriting your homepage for you and I went to your website and saw your pricing.

04:30 And I left you a voice note about that because I immediately saw the incredible value that you bring to the table and to your work with clients. And actually mentioned this on an earlier podcast about how I saw your pricing, and what you were charging didn't feel a really good fit for the people that I knew that you could really help them make a difference too But I think you'd fallen into the trap of comparing yourself to others and what other people were charging, which is very common and very relatable. So can we go back to where you were at that point? And how you are feeling in kind of what your thoughts were about your business and your ideal client

05:13 So yeah, it has been a very interesting process I've gone on. And I remember at the time I was really unclear on my positioning – I hadn't posted on social media for about eight months My website wasn't finished, which is why I wanted you to have a look at my homepage and give me your thoughts on that. My offers weren't fully formed. I knew I wanted to bring more of me into my content, into my marketing. I wanted to share more...share my journey more and more of my story because I know how powerful storytelling is

05:49 And my story is the reason why I left all that I knew behind, which was recruitment to do the work that I do now. But I was overwhelmed by my own story. I didn't know what parts of my story I should be sharing because I didn't know what my call message was or the sweet spot that you talked about and it all felt just very confusing. And that confusion really stopped me from putting myself out there, you know going through all of the different stories was a journey in itself and then when you said uh... You kind left the voice note and you said about the pricing oh my god! That brought so much up for me because you know i'd had other people say that to me before but

06:30 I think sometimes you need to hear it more than once and you need to hear it from other people, and you need to hear it from maybe a time when you're at this different stage in your journey as well. And for whatever reason – well, I know the reasons – how you explained it to me just really landed and I realised yeah, I was comparing myself to others but the thing that really stood out wasn't so much And I just thought

07:18 This word, way more than that. I was like what am i doing? And I'm just charging that because that's what other people charge or at least those were the people that I was looking at and comparing myself to... That's what they were charging and so we talked about not selling time you're selling transformation and I think that was a big mindset shift for me because I'd been charging based on the time i was giving rather than the transformation. I was creating and you helped me see that my dream client isn't buying 90 minutes, they're buying the shift that 90 minutes create and I think probably part of the reason why I found it difficult was because

08:07 I love what i do so much and it's very easy for me. So, it comes naturally to me you know? And I think...I thought I can't charge more if it's this easy! It's not like it's hard or anything and obviously there's a limiting belief there that I have to work through. It's like I only deserve to get paid if it's really really hard work. I think that was definitely part of it You know, a lot of the work that I use or one of the tools and modalities that are used within my work is EFT. I was comparing myself to other EFT practitioners and you know, you sort said to me your benchmarking yourself against therapists and EFT practitioners charging 60-100 pounds per hour but what you actually do

08:56 And I think just hearing you saying that made me really think about it differently. You said, you're not Ryanair! So you're not Ryanair? Yeah. No funny and sometimes it's just that shift isn't it? It's just somebody shining a light for you and just helping you see something that you just weren't seeing And I remember getting very excited when I started to look at your staff and what you do. And I said, gosh there are not many coaches that I know of that have got the depth of knowledge that you've got from a business point-of-view right? You had run your own recruitment business or you had lots of experience

09:49 strategy and all of the things that you need to reach your goals, move forward in business. But you also had all of these skills and modalities that you were using that would then help people not just implement a strategy but deal with stuff that comes up gets in their way self-sabotaging imposter syndrome anxiety All of these things and the fact that you're able to get strategic and do the business stuff but then also be there to help them, support them and hold that space when the emotional stuff was getting in the way. Because it can be a lot right? When your leading or CEO or founder and everybody's coming to you for decisions The fact that you could help with both, help with strategy and everything that comes up as they try to implement

10:45 It's hugely valuable and I think you weren't really seeing that value, you weren't really seeing yourself. How much you would bring into the table? Yeah and that conversation then made me go back into Storyteller Mastery The Values module again, because I remember saying that's the one that I haven't really gone that deep with. You know it was like I really need to do this properly and then I found that interesting and that made me see it even more

11:21 I knew that what i was charging wasn't feeling good anyway. Like, I remember saying I actually felt a bit of shame about the fact that I was charging low because I knew it really but obviously there was fear around increasing my prices and all that you know or that I made it mean but you know it was actually stopping me from really talking about my work and owning it properly even only in owning publicly. No, really it was actually keeping me small I wasn't owning my work publicly because on some level i didn't think you know that i had the right to charge more so raising the price wasn't just a business decision it was actually uh really a statement to myself about what i believed the workers were and it's interesting because the moment that i did that

12:11 My absolute dream client came through and she said that she wanted to work with me. And I took that as proof that I was absolutely doing the right thing. Yeah, 100%. And I love that and I hear that so often you know? That the minute people start to get clarity and actually focus on who they want to work with, who they wanna serve what they want their business to look like those people start to show up right So that was how we originally started working together and then you obviously

12:48 Started to appreciate more the value of what you bring and let me just clarify that when I talk about your value, which is one of the steps in my process. I'm not talking about what your worth i'm talking about What is the value to your ideal client of what you help them do? And this applies to a lot of people. What they are charging and the way they're charging like hourly and selling sessions instead of selling transformation, that outcome and the journey they're going to take people on. It's the value to them of what you help them do and be and have and achieve. And if your downplaying that if your like you said if your saying well this is what I think why do it worth

13:37 That in itself could be what's stopping your idol clients from showing up, is because it's just not a good energetic fit. It's not telling the right story – I did a whole episode on the story your pricing is telling So, then you decided that you would like to come into my Accelerate program which is a 12-week program and we worked very closely together on getting clarity about your story, your customer story, your sweet spot. And we looked at your messaging and we looked at your idle client and everything else. It was very much around this message of the kind of emotional toll that leadership can take

14:22 And it was all going well until the last day of the 12 weeks of us working together when you left a message on my phone saying, something's not right. Like somethings not quite gelling this isn't lighting me up the way that I thought it would and you even mentioned that you'd done a call with...a coaching call with somebody and if wasn't really your ideal client And that had brought some things up for you and you really weren't sure at that point how to move forward because you just knew that this wasn't quite it. I left you a message saying, hold on a minute don't throw the baby out with the bathwater! Like i just think it needs a tweak...I just think that maybe

15:14 We just need to go back to the who a bit more. And again, it's always going back to the stories right? I actually said to you do you remember when you told me about that client that had shown up and you were buzzing after you worked with them like really buzzing! You'd left me your voice note and you were just saying I love this and I love this work and she so happy and i'm so happy...I said take yourself back to there and think about who your idol client is So, do you want to just talk a little bit then about what that enabled you to do? Because I was thinking because you also said is it the actual like what is it about that core message. Is it maybe the words that you're using or and because leadership isn't just about strategy, it's about having the capacity to hold it all mentally and emotionally so I sat with it and was thinking you know what is it that doesn't feel right

16:08 I realised it was leadership, like what is it about that word that doesn't feel right? And then went a bit deeper with it. What is leadership for me and what is it for... When I was thinking about that client we talked about who I absolutely love or love working with, yeah, what's leadership for her and It's that being a capable, high-achieving or high performing woman doesn't just ask for your time and effort. It asks you to carry an enormous amount and nobody teaches you how to do that without losing yourself in the process which is the same insight as my original core message but I just feel it speaks

16:57 I'm going to talk about When I looked, honestly at the clients who had lit me up over the years like you asked me to do. You know, the ones where I walked away from a session feeling energized rather than drained. The ones whose results genuinely moved me they weren't just founders or leaders as a category which is kind of what

17:40 And I think the first thing that I was leaning into initially, you know they were women high achieving deeply capable women who had built something or building something or holding something together but somewhere in the process of doing all of that they lost themselves. Underneath all the competence and the capability and the holding it all together, there's a woman who has forgotten who she actually is. So she is used to performing at work or home in every room that she walks into but she genuinely lost I guess the thread of herself And that was me! That was my story. That's exactly where I was when I started on my own transformation journey

18:26 And you know, you've reflected that back to me in a message. You know that the woman who energizes me are the ones who are good at what they do but they've lost themselves in the process and everything just settled like that felt like yes I'm definitely here for it. I just knew that was the right way to go And it's such an interesting journey, isn't it? And then some people think oh I don't know who my audio client is and they're kind of expecting the answer to just suddenly come to them one day. Whereas actually going through this process

19:06 Unpacking your personal story, your journey. You know what matters to you? The highs the lows the challenges the wins all of it then looking at your business and what you bring to the table and everything you've learned, your insights, your perspective I talk about your unique blend everything that you bring that's completely unique nobody has the unique perspective that you have because they haven't lived your life they haven't done all the things that And then obviously your customer story and who they are. And that was the bit that we had to really work on and get that clarity that you needed. And then when you look back at that journey, though, that you've been on, then, you know, that's not something that was just going to suddenly come out of thin air it's it's going through this process. An even for a little while kind of going off

20:00 In the wrong direction and seeing that actually, that doesn't feel amazing. And that doesn't light me up and so I do need to go back or take a step back and see where does it feel a bit misaligned? What do we need to tweak but it's such It's a very enlightening process to go on and it is why I always say that all the answers are in your stories. If you go back and work through that process, then go through your stories, you will see the things at the moment you're struggling to see So I love that you got there and you've got all the clarity that you needed. What has that given you now? Like when you think now about sharing stories, writing content how are you able to do that now from a very different place now that you have that understanding

20:50 I mean it changes everything and when i think about the challenges that I had with the customer story going through that part of it, I found that so difficult because I was trying to find a common thread in all my clients. Because when I looked at the work that I was actually doing It was so varied on the surface for example one client was transitioning out Corporate and stepping into running her own business for the first time. And a huge part of that work was identity, so who am I now? Do I have the right to call myself the owner or CEO? Do I belong in this room? Another client had been in her career or business for years and it just hit a wall and yeah, the ambition was still there but the fulfillment wasn't she was exhausted in a way that

21:41 You know, like a holiday wasn't going to make it all better. Another was carrying grief or going through divorce or dealing with something enormous in her personal life that was bleeding into everything else – her focus and relationships, her ability to show up And another was struggling with her confidence in managing and leading a team, feeling like everyone was looking to her for answers. She was terrified she didn't have them. So going through that module to find what they all had in common, what they all actually wanted... I honestly just found it so hard because on the surface these felt like completely different problems but you helped me see that

22:22 The surface wasn't where the common thread actually lived. It was what every single one of those women had in common, it wasn't the circumstance it was a feeling underneath that they were all holding a significant level of responsibility whether that was running a business leading a team or just being the person that everyone else depended on And they were all doing it while carrying something that had never really, they'd never had the space to process properly. What they all wanted underneath whatever specific thing that brought them to me was the same thing. They all wanted to look at their work and their life and feel

23:02 I was proud of it, calm inside it, fulfilled by it. Not just relieved that they'd made it through another week and they wanted someone who can hold the emotional depth and strategic clarity in someone who can process what's in the way and help them build the plan as well. And then it clicked for me. I wasn't just trying to serve everyone and that's the difference that is really made. I'm serving a woman who carries a lot, who holds it together brilliantly on the outside. Who's desperate to feel like it's actually worth it, like she's actually okay and that she can breathe and that has made everything so much easier because everything comes back to that you know? And so it just makes

23:50 Creating content easier, it saves me time because I just... my head is not going in lots of different directions with it which has a tendency to do. I don't feel overwhelmed by it and the way that I did when I started yeah it just feels so much better Yeah, it helps you to focus doesn't it on you know stay focused and get known for what you do because when we're when our content is not feeling disjointed and a bit all over the place. And one minute we're talking about one thing and then next minute we're talking about something else

24:31 What's at the core of what we do, when we know that sweet spot. When we know you know some often call it the chorus of your song where we know what that is then everything can stay consistent and aligned around that and suddenly it all starts to feel very connected. The message comes through again and again you know people start to see and understand okay that's what you help people do, that's what you're about, that's what you stand for And it's interesting. It evolves, doesn't it? You know the message... you know it's a process that evolves over time. It's not like you just come into the process and you go through it and then it's like

25:11 It's job done. It is something that, well I definitely found that it felt messy at times you know going through that process and there has been a lot of tweaking and refining and going back more than once but its all part of it. Yeah absolutely the messy middle for sure its real and yes I would say a very high percentage of people who have come into Storytelling Mastery have gone through the process And more than once, some people three or four times because as their business evolves as you know they might get more clarity on who their ideal client is. Or change, pivot and realize that actually yours wasn't so much of a pivot yours was it was refining but some people have come into storytelling mastery and ended up doing something completely different then they thought they were going to be doing

26:03 But that's the beauty of this process, is you can at any point just go back and you go back to your story and you go back to their story. And look for that sweet spot again. You're evolving, your stories are evolving and that needs to reflect in your content and messaging and what you're putting out there. So what would you say to any business owners who are maybe listening to this, who are thinking I don't really understand how stories is going to help me work out who my ideal client is or what my business is. What would you say to them about the going through the process? I have learned, so obviously know what my story is but to go through it at the depth that

26:52 has been so invaluable because my idol client is a version of me back then. And I feel like, well I know that I understand my idol clients so much, so well because of having actually I really looked in detail at my core story, my business story and everything that led me to here because you kind of live your life. You know? And you don't necessarily...you kind of just do what you do and life happens. Obviously, I knew that was the reason… My journey was a reason why I'm doing the work that I do now but it wasn't… It was only through really actually

27:36 Examining my story and seeing things that I hadn't seen before, and pulling all the threads together. That...I feel so much more connected to my own business for one. I feel more connected to my idol client And I just feel more confident about the stories that i'm sharing because ultimately whenever I think about services that I buy from products that I buy It's the story behind. The people who are authentic, the people who are sharing themselves and their stories are the ones that I really buy into more than anything else. Yeah it is so true and so many people hold back from sharing the personal stuff for fear of being judged or feeling uncomfortable with being a little bit vulnerable but

28:28 It's those stories that really resonate with people and connect on a much deeper level than anything else can. And your stories of what you went through with your business, and the challenges that you faced in what you had to overcome on what you had to deal with How you went off and did that work on yourself to be able to show up as the person that you wanted to be in your own business. All of that is going to connect with the right people, and the more you've come to understand your customer story, the more you've been able to pull those really relatable relevant bits out of your own stories for them to connect with

29:13 Thank you so much for sharing. I've absolutely loved being on this journey with you, it's always such a joy to watch it unfold no two clients are ever the same. It's always a unique journey for everybody but I love that you trusted the process You were very open to everything that I was suggesting and you went away and you were processing it, thinking about things. And then coming back we were able to work on lots of stuff together which I absolutely love doing. Stories always sits at the core of everything I do because they are one of the most powerful things that connects us as humans

29:57 So thank you so much for going on that journey with me and for coming here today and sharing it with everybody else. I'm sure it will have been very, very helpful and inspiring for people who are much earlier on in the journey maybe haven't got that clarity yet but now have a better idea of Where to look to get that clarity. So do you want to just share if anybody wants to come find you? Yeah, I'm on LinkedIn and Facebook and Instagram Lema Wiffen. Awesome! Thank you so much for joining me today. Thanks Susan

31:32 I remember when I was being paid to speak at a conference in Barcelona and my social media was full of me jetting off excitedly for my all-expenses trip and delivering two workshops to over 100 candidates. Which was exciting! When I got back home, I shared the stuff that people didn't see – like the guilt I felt leaving my husband and daughter behind especially as my daughter suffers from anxiety and my husband works crazy long hours The perimenopausal symptoms that were the bane of my life, from debilitating fatigue to the constant brain fog. The comparisonitis when I met one of the other speakers who was so together and interesting and clever with a PhD to her name even though she looked about 18!

32:23 The fact that, although I thoroughly enjoyed my talk, I was completely wiped out afterwards and had to lay on my bed in my hotel room in the dark for about three hours while everyone else enjoyed the afternoon activities. And the chaos when I got back home as I caught up on washing and emails all while trying to keep my daughter entertained because it was half term! But that's the thing, isn't it? We're all human and we experience it all. The juggle...the doubts… the guilt… That stuff is relatable! Whatever feels messy for you right now people will relate because they are feeling it too and those stories can make people feel seen and heard and understood – and connected to you So that's your action step for today Talk about the stuff that people don't see

33:18 And I'll see you next time for more stories that do the selling for you so you don't have to. Thank you so much for being here, I love that we get to do this together! Would you do me a huge favour and please rate review and follow this podcast in Apple Spotify or wherever you listen to your podcasts? And i'll see you next time for more honest conversations meaningful connections and of course stories The Business of Stories.