Episode 33: EASTER FUN 2 - More questions from my family

00:54 You're listening to The Business of Stories with Susan Paton, showing you how to share stories that do the selling in your business so you don't have too. So last week as it was the Easter holidays I tried something a bit different – a bit light-hearted and very unplanned! I got members of my family to write down questions that they thought I should answer or topics they thought I should talk about on the podcast And then I put them in a hat, hit record and pulled some out. And it was fun! So as it's still the Easter holidays, I've got some more questions and topics from family and friends. As I answer them see what ideas they spark for you for easy content and stories you could be sharing over the Easter holidays. OK here we go…

01:53 Okay, I'm gonna pull that one. Let me just open it The first question is from my friend Lucy and it is What's something you've let go of over the last few years? Oh Let go off... That's quite hard! I have let go of having a spotless house When I lived in London My house was like a show home. It was absolutely spotless, I was one of those people that when i got out the shower I cleaned the shower behind me then I married a farmer! I came down to West Sussex and I moved into a very old cottage on the farm

02:50 The Business of Stories podcast is brought to you by and be obsessed about cleaning because it would actually drive you insane. Yes, we keep it tidy! Yes, we've got a cleaner but even she pulls her hair out sometimes when she comes back literally having cleaned it the week before and she walks in and says what happened? And I'll say farm rain mud dogs So if you ever come visit me don't expect a spotless house

03:45 So that's one thing I've let go of. Let me think of another one...I'd like to say, I've let go of perfectionism and i think in some ways I have, in some areas of my life and my business I have and I know how much perfectionism can hold you back but I always want to give everything my best like I'm not very good at Dropping my standards or thinking, oh that's good enough. Like, I give everything I do 110%. And of course it's good to have high standards especially for your business and things that you're putting out there because people will judge you on that. People will make decisions about whether they want to follow you or work with you based on what you're putting out and what their experience is

04:45 So it's not necessarily that I want to lower my standards, but it can be exhausting trying to do everything perfectly which I know is not possible. And I have to balance that with making sure that i'm being productive and spending time on the right things. And, I think one of the things that's actually helped me with that...and yeah this ties in really nicely with what I've let go off is realizing that I'm ADHD. I have not had an official diagnosis but

05:28 I have read so much about it. I've talked to so many people who have been diagnosed, I've read books about it like I am absolutely convinced that I am And understanding that has really helped me to let go of some of the things that were making me feel less than, you know. Making me feel not good enough. Making me feel like I could never be successful because my brain just didn't seem to work the same way as other people

06:06 And I remember quite early in my business journey listening to entrepreneurs talking about how they'd grown their business and hired their first salesperson before they were even paying themselves or built a sales team or got funding, or had a business partner. It all just sounded so grown up and complicated and quite overwhelming Especially as, meanwhile I was getting really frustrated with some of the most simple things and struggling with tech and not going as fast as other people seem to be going. And constantly feeling like...I don't think i'm cut out for this! But luckily I'm also quite stubborn and when I set my sights on doing something

07:05 I'll keep trying to find my way through. And so, I was learning what I could. I was reading the books. I was going to events—a lot of events that I would come away with notebooks full of notes. I joined a six-month business accelerator program and turned up every month and took all the notes I That actually it wasn't that I'm not good enough, it was that my brain doesn't work the same way. A lot of the people that I was following and trying to learn from... My brain doesn't work the same way theirs does And the more I read about ADHD The more I understood it The more I understood me The more I was able to accept the way I was

08:19 And look for what did work for me and follow the people that actually made me feel like I could do it. And learn from all the people that were sharing their journey and how they've managed to build a successful business with an ADHD brain. Actually, I heard of a metaphor that someone shared That really did change the way that I thought about things and approached things, and helped me let go of a lot of the things that I was beating myself up for.

08:59 And I'll share it with you in case it's helpful. And, it was somebody who was in a group of business owners and she said this is how navigating life and running a business feels like when you are ADHD She said It's like your trying to hold a load of marbles in your hands Right? If you can imagine Trying to hold a load of marbles. It's really hard, right? They're small and they're slippery You know you're holding them but you're dropping some and then you're trying to pick some up But the more you try and pick some up the more you drop So you're constantly feeling like you're dropping things And you're looking in your hand trying to keep what you've got together but then you can see that there's some on the floor that you need to pick up but you know if you pick them up you're going to drop some more

09:53 So you're in this constant state of trying to hold it all together but really struggling and dropping balls. And then you look around, and you look around at some of the other people who seem to just have it all together right? They just seem to be so organised they just seem to be able to keep on top of everything. And you think well why aren't they struggling how are they holding all the marbles and not dropping any? And then you realise The reason they're not dropping any is that they've got a little pouch, right? They've got a little drawstring bag to keep all of their marbles in. So they're not falling and they're not dropping them – they're all neat and contained inside this little drawstring bag that they're carrying! And that's the difference because when you're ADHD you don't have the drawstring back...and honestly when I read that for the first time

10:52 I think I cried. It really resonated more than anything else had, like it...I just thought that is it! That is exactly what it's like and I have sometimes used that metaphor to try and explain it to people who don't necessarily get it but I think even more importantly than that is that it really helped me understand why some days it feels like I've dropped all the marbles And it doesn't mean I'm not good enough or that i can't have a successful business. It just means that my brain works differently and I'm probably always going to struggle to keep hold of all the marbles but that's okay, I can accept that that's the way it is and I can be kind to myself

11:45 Look for the gifts and the strengths in being this way. Like, I can bash out a course in two days if I put my mind to it! Like, I won't do anything else – I'll forget to answer all of my emails and go buy food… And I won't talk to anyone or leave the house or remember to eat or drink... But I can do more work in 2 days than some people can do in a week And the more I understand the way my brain works, the more i'm able to go with it and lighten up and not beat myself up. And not feel like a failure! And see that I can do things that other people can't...I'm an action taker! I'm a DOER! So yes, that realization has been huge and definitely helped me let go of a lot of stuff

12:38 I've got a lot of people who are going to be listening to this podcast and they're not going Okay, interesting where that question went. Started off talking about a dirty house and ended up talking about ADHD but there you go! Right let's do another one this one is from my daughter and it says what do people assume about you that isn't true? That's really good question

13:46 I think most people have only ever seen me on Zoom, so they've only ever seen me from the neck up. So they might assume that I'm taller than I am – I'm only 5 foot 2, and I have met a couple of people in real life who said, oh you're quite small! So that's one thing… People also assume, and this is probably true for anyone who is very visible on social media. Who shows up a lot? Who does talks? Who does guest expert sessions in people's groups? People always assume that you are very confident and for sure my confidence has grown over the last few years

14:34 As I've worked with more people, as I've seen the aha moments that people get and the change and the shifts in their transformations then yes. I have absolutely got more and more confident in what I do and how I help people But I still can get quite nervous in certain situations. I can still doubt myself like everybody else, even though I might also be very confident about stuff that I'm creating and stuff I'm doing with clients at the same time. And I think we're all a fascinating mix of contradictions at times. You know,

15:18 I can panic that time's going so fast and feel like, I just don't have enough time. And still look back at what I've achieved in the last three months or six months or twelve months and think how did I manage to do all of that? I can work with clients and give them fantastic strategies, and see how much what i'm sharing with them is helping. And then feel completely clueless at times of what should be doing in my own business. And I suspect a lot of you will relate to that right? You can feel all those things at the same time! And that's okay

15:59 What's important is what decisions you make about moving forwards. Whether you let the overwhelm stop you and get you down or whether you find ways to get the clarity that you need Whether you're constantly telling yourself that you just don't have time to do the stuff you want to do or, You prioritize and make sure that the things are really important to you. That you DO make time for! So I think maybe... Yeah a lot of people assume because I show up so much and I'm creating stuff all the time And i'm doing the podcast

16:38 Working with clients and I'm running my group program that I've got some magic productivity hack or I've managed to clone myself or something. But no, I just do the stuff that I know matters. I hold on to the marbles that I know are the most important ones to hold onto and... ...I don't beat myself up about the ones that I drop so I feel like i've gone off on a bit of a tangent because the question was what do people assume about you that isn't true and i'm not sure if i've answered that but if you have

17:19 If you've been listening to this podcast, if you've listened to some of the previous episodes. You will know that I talked a lot about how important it is to be honest about the journey. You don't have to share every struggle but just being very open and honest about running a business is a huge learning curve And really quite different from learning anything else. Because if you learn a language, you go to a teacher who specializes in teaching that language and you just learn from them. If you want to learn how to drive a car, you find a good driving instructor and you get in the car and you learn how to drive that car

18:08 But learning how to run a business is a minefield. And there's so many people out there telling you their way is the right way and you need that blueprint, and you need to be doing this, and you need to be focusing on this, stop doing that do it this way... You need to buy my product, you need to buy my course So its not surprising that a lot of people I talk to and work with just feel like they're going round in circles and they feel very overwhelmed And if I look like i've got it all sussed, It's not because I haven't had times when I've gone around in circles. It's not because I've got a neat little drawstring bag to put all my marbles in...it's just because I've put a lot of time and effort into understanding myself, understanding my brain getting help, getting support when I need it

19:04 Finding people who can help me on this journey and just really staying focused, showing up finding my way through seeing what works not being frightened to admit when something doesn't work navigate the hard bits and the tough bits and the cringy bits And just keep putting one foot in front of the other And every now and then stopping, and looking back. And acknowledging... Hey! I'm doing okay. So yeah, I think I've answered that one so let's do one more Okay, so question number three is

19:52 Ah, from my coach Phil and he's asked if you could go back in time and start a completely different business to the one you've got nothing to do with storytelling what business would you start? Well these questions are hard aren't they. I think as much as i love what I do I absolutely do love what I do but what I don't love about what I do is the fact that The business I have created is one where I am literally sat at my desk on computer all day every day. Like, I am always on screen, I'm on Zoom all the time...I work with every single client online.

20:45 So with that in mind, if I went back to start a completely different business. That I would possibly start a business that is about creating experiences for people. Many, many years ago I did spend a bit of time in the event space. I was organizing events...I used to work at Capital Radio and I used to organize some of the events for their charity which was Help A London Child

21:40 I've organized balls, you know charity dinners and balls for a couple of clients. And when i worked for Gabby Logan, I was on her husband Kenny Logan he's a rugby player and I was on his committee for his testimonial year so we organised a lot of the charity events during his testimonial year It's not necessarily that I would want an event company because i did see how stressful that is but, I do love the idea of retreats and creating really beautiful experiences for people. And...I know the question said not storytelling but one of the things on my vision board

22:31 To do a really lovely retreat where I take a small group of people away, we go somewhere really gorgeous. Very high-end luxury! I'm thinking spa and that we spend a few days together writing and journaling and unpacking and exploring stories And then we have a really lovely dinner at the end of the retreat where we all dress up and each person takes it in turn to share their story with the group. I know from doing other things in the past that

23:28 A lot of people will never have shared their story before in that way with other people. So I know it will be a very powerful, emotional experience and I know that the people who are there will bond and connect in a way that doesn't normally happen at a business event But that's the thing with storytelling, is that it's one of the most powerful things that connects us as humans. So... so that really doesn't answer that question because that is something I could do right? That is something I absolutely could create and like I said it's on my vision board to do but I think honestly if I was going back and starting again

24:18 Maybe that's what I would do is have a company that organizes retreats and experiences. For people like me who have this dream of what they want but don't necessarily have the time or resources to spend hours and hours and hours trying to find the right place, you know, the right location. And then really thinking through everything that needs to be done and how it would all work and everything else I think having a business to help people create beautiful mind-blowing memorable I

25:18 If there are and if you're listening, do let me know because it is something that I do want to do. But i'm not sure that i'll ever get around to doing it on my own. I probably would need to get some help and support with that but that's what I would do...if I could go back in time and I wasn't allowed to start this business, I had to start another business! I think it would be creating amazing Events, experiences, retreats for business owners that they then can invite their clients to and create something very special and memorable. So that is my answer to that one I think i will stop there I feel like I've been talking forever but like I said at the end of last week's episode it does go to show how many stories you have And how one question can unearth so many

26:14 Memories and thoughts and ideas and stories that you might otherwise not have thought of. So I hope you enjoyed the two Easter episodes, I definitely enjoyed recording them! I loved the questions they were great And as always if you have a question that you would love me to answer please send it to me in writing to Susan at TheBusinessOfStories.com So, as always before I go let me give you a quick action step that you can go away and do. Here's your action step for today Choose one of the questions I answered in this episode and use it to share something about you whether that's what something you've let go off over the last few years or

27:08 What do people assume about you that isn't true? Or if you could go back and start a completely different business, what business would you start? Just a bit of fun content over Easter. That helps people get to know YOU – the human behind your business – a little better! So that's your action step for today. Choose one of the questions I've answered in this episode or last week's episode And I'll see you next time for more stories that do the selling for you, so you don't have to. Thank you so much for being here! I love that we get to do this together Would you do me a huge favour and please rate review and follow this podcast in Apple Spotify or wherever you listen to your podcasts? And i'll see you next time For more honest conversations meaningful connections and of course stories