Ep 10: The Story You’re Telling Yourself - Is it serving you and your clients?

00:54 You're listening to The Business of Stories with Susan Payton, showing you how to share stories that do the selling in your business so you don't have too. I used to have a debilitating fear of public speaking – I think it was verging on a phobia The thought of going on stage, and I'm not even talking big stages – even just standing up in a room to speak would send my body into a frenzy. I'd start shaking…a lot…and sweating! Even my hands would be sweating. My voice would tremble, my stomach go into a knot, my heart beat so fast and loud that I honestly thought people could hear it or see

01:40 And the scariest symptom of all was that I'd lose the ability to breathe. It was a whole body attack and it was very unpleasant! One day, about eight or nine years ago, I attended a small workshop run by Daniel Priestley founder of Dent Global It was a business strategy workshop and we were working our way through a workbook when we got to the question, what's one thing that if you could change it would change everything? Daniel was going around the room asking people to share what they'd written. And as he looked over to our table I saw that no-one else had put their hand up

02:23 So in a rare moment of inspired courage, I volunteered. I'll share! Great said Daniel stand up so everyone can see you Oh my god what have i done? I thought but I took a deep breath stood up and quickly said... I want to get over my fear of public speaking and be paid for speaking at events Daniel smiled great And when do you want that ?I felt the panic rising I had a feeling where this was going I didn't answer, so Daniel asked. Do you want that in the future or now? Now! I felt like a rabbit in headlights with everyone looking at me. Now my body was literally going into fight-or-flight. Now I heard myself say out loud yeah said Daniel and then he said I'll pay you

03:16 And, as I stared at him in horror across the room trying to gather my thoughts he pulled out his wallet took out a £20 note and said, Which if my maths is right, he continued makes your hourly rate as a public speaker £1200 an hour. which makes you one of the highest paid speakers in the world Everyone was laughing, but I was completely frozen on the spot. I couldn't even think clearly my mind was racing! Why wait? said Daniel Okay...I said very sheepishly and as they walked to the front of the room people started cheering and shouting words of encouragement And I thought for a split second that would help and the thought even went through my head Maybe this would be okay

04:13 But then I got to the front of the room and turned round, and looked out at all the faces staring at me. And I knew it was not going to be okay! I completely froze. Daniel saw the look of horror on my face and suggested why don't you just introduce yourself? Tell everyone what you do and why Okay, I said. I took another breath so that I didn't pass out and started speaking. I honestly could not tell you what I said – I have no idea! I was in total panic but did say something about what I do… And at some point I stopped talking. The audience clapped and Daniel handed me a crisp £20 note. I took it, walked back to my seat sat down and didn't know whether to laugh or cry

05:00 I took that £20 note home, framed it and put it on the wall with a caption that said My First Paid Speaking Gig. A few years later, I was paid by an organisation to fly out to Barcelona for an all-expenses paid trip staying in a gorgeous hotel and stood on stage at their huge annual conference and ran two workshops on the power of using storytelling to stand out in your industry. I was calm, happy, breathing – in fact loved every minute of it!

05:58 How did I go from stuck, paralysed and panicked to calm confident and connecting with people from the front of the room? I sorted out the story in my head. I've really been looking forward to doing this episode because it's a huge topic and one i talk about a lot! And it's the most important story of all... The one you're telling yourself In fact, it's not just one because you'll have hundreds of stories running in your head about every aspect of your life and business and health and relationships...and money. Whether you're aware of them or not, you'll have stories you tell yourself about who you are what you can achieve what you can earn What you're capable of and what you're not

06:51 And the problem is, if those stories are not good ones – if they're not serving you and making you feel excited about being visible and putting yourself out there and showing people who you are… then they'll be holding you and your business back. They'll be stopping you from doing the things you need to do to attract more of your idle clients And I know this is a really common issue because I talk to business owners all the time who tell me how much they hate talking about themselves, that it feels icky or they feel huge resistance to sharing personal stories. Or any stories! Because of all the what-ifs... What if people judge me? What if no one likes or comments on my post? What if no one's interested in what I'm saying? What if people think I'm too deep

07:43 What if people think I'm sharing too much? Or showing up too much. What if my competitors are reading my content, what if people think I am trying to sell them? I've heard them all! But here's the thing… Those what-ifs will keep you stuck They'll keep playing small They'll hold you back And they almost certainly come from messages you picked as a child Like, don't brag. Don't boast. Don't be too confident. Don't show off! Any of those sound familiar? Or maybe it's something else for you... Maybe you were told not to outshine your siblings or not want to be the centre of attention You could take a moment now just notice the stories that are running in the background for you causing havoc and keeping you stuck

08:38 Stopping you from posting that post, sharing that story, writing that email to your list doing that talk. Saying what you need to say for your idle clients to hear and see you. Stopping you from reaching all the people YOU could make a massive difference too. Stopping you from shining your light brightly – and THAT'S not serving anyone! So we need to take a closer look at those stories and think well they're not helping me get where I want to get to So I need to change them. I get it, I really do! I was the same my fear of public speaking was all about the story in my head About not being good enough Worrying about people judging me worrying about looking nervous I used to worry that if I looked nervous, I wouldn't have any credibility Nobody would want to work with me

09:33 And looking back, I can see that probably started when i was about 10 years old and some girls at school were laughing while I was reading out loud in class. It knocked my confidence so much and that feeling of just wanting to sit down and never stand up in front of people again stayed with me all my life... well until about three years ago! But I'm going to share how I changed that story in my head so you can do it too I'll show you how to notice the stories that aren't making you feel good and choose better ones that serve you better so you can serve your clients better. There's so much i could say on this, so this episode could be very very long but i'm going to just focus on two or three things i want to share with you that have made a massive difference for me The first one is something Dr Anna said to me

10:26 I shared Dr Anna's story in the last episode when we talked about your sweet spot. She is a clinical psychotherapist and she has worked with a lot of people who get stage fright! And by the way, little side note… it is easy to assume that actors and people in the public eye have this supreme confidence and feel 100% happy on screen But I can tell you, from years of working in television and radio myself a lot of the people you see on telly or in films suffer from nerves and anxiety just like everyone else. I remember one very famous person drinking the best part of a bowl of champagne before being interviewed on a radio show I worked on – it was a breakfast show! So we're talking very early in the morning

11:15 So if you do lack confidence at times, or struggle with public speaking or even get anxious when working with clients know that you're not alone. We all feel it at times and there's lots of things that can help you just need to find what works for you so back to my conversation with Dr Anna she was telling me how she works with performers who gets stage fright and I said I'd love to know what you do with them because i have this really intense fear of public speaking and it's really holding me back. I want to get more visible, I want to start speaking on stages but I just can't because I have this very strong physical reaction in the moment and it stops me every time." And Dr Anna said so what do you think that's about? What's the fear? What's going through your head

12:08 Oh, you know it's the whole people judging me thing. What if people are thinking she is not very good or who does she think she is? Or what if people see how nervous I am and then they're not going to take me seriously because they're gonna think well if she's not even confident about what she's saying... Oh! She said that's a lot. I can see the problem You're making it about YOU All those thoughts your having What are they thinking about ME? What are they gonna say about ME That's heavy, that's a lot of pressure and a lot to be dealing with when you're trying to give a talk. No wonder you go into a tailspin! Anyone would with that kind of self-talk And then she said... What if instead of focusing on what people are thinking about YOU, You focused on the person sitting in the room that really needs to hear what you're going to say today?

13:09 What if you thought about the person who woke up this morning feeling frustrated or really anxious because what they're doing isn't working and they don't know how to change that. They're stuck, and they don't know how to get past the thing that's holding them back And they're starting to feel like a failure and that they're never going to be able to achieve what they want to achieve? That person is someone you could make a massive difference too The problem they have is actually the very thing you can help them with. And what if that person was there in the room when you were giving your talk and you shared something that changed everything for them? What if you opened their eyes to something they hadn't seen before? What if you showed them a new way forward, made them feel like maybe they CAN do this! Maybe success IS possible for them?! What if you said exactly what they needed to hear today

14:11 And whether they come and work with you or not, you showed up and had an impact. You changed someone's story! You made a difference! What if you made it about them instead of you? How would that feel?! I felt the shift almost instantly. Everything she said made so much sense She was so right. Worrying about what people were thinking about me, was never going to help me show up the way I wanted and reach the people I wanted to help But making it about them changed everything To this day whenever I notice myself going down that path of making it about me

14:55 Which usually starts with a what if, right? What if people think I'm posting too much or showing up too much. Or what if somebody doesn't like me or doesn't like what I am doing...I just stop and think oh that's interesting! I slipped into making it about me then and that is not helpful That's not going to help reach the people I want to reach So I change the story. I rewrite it. I focus 100% on the people who I know I can really really help I show up for them. I create content for them, I share stories for them, I wrote a book for them, I've created courses and programs for them... This podcast is for them! It's never about me and i know i've helped hundreds maybe thousands of people by showing up and doing what I do but what if I'd carried on making it about ME? What if I'd let the WHAT IFs stop me?! I wouldn't be here

15:57 I wouldn't have got to help all the people I've helped. I'd have never published my book! I know people who've written a book and never published it for fear of what people will think, or they published it but they don't talk about it... And that's sad there are people out there who really really need to hear what you've got to say. People who YOU could make a massive difference too. Make it about them show up for THEM Doing that makes everything feel so much easier and lighter, and so much more aligned with why you started your business in the first place. You started your business to help people! And to do that, you need to make sure the story in your head is all about showing up for them not worrying about what someone may or may not be thinking about you

16:54 Another thing that helps me is to remember that I just need to be me. You just need to be you and you can't fail at that! Think about that for a minute, you can't fail at being YOU. Your the only person in the world who can be YOU and your brilliant at it...you cant fail And there are people out there who are perfect fit for you People who will totally connect with you. People who will feel drawn to you because of who you are, so be more YOU! Look for ways to put more of you and your personality and your gifts and your thoughts and insights and ideas into your content Let people see who you are So they can see if you're the one for them Give them a compelling reason to choose you

17:55 And being you is easy, right? You've been you all your life. It's way easier than trying to be someone else... Trying to be something you're not! It's very easy when we're in business To think that we have got everything together We have got it all sussed Everything has gotta work perfectly But business doesn't work like that It's chaotic, its messy for everyone Nobody has got it all sussed I saw someone post this week She's got an incredibly successful business, she has made $20 million in the last 8 years and she was saying that she is on anti-anxiety medication. Nobody has it all sussed! And putting pressure on yourself to be something that is actually unattainable will suck all the joy out of this journey you are on. It'll hold you back

18:53 It'll stop you from trying new things, taking risks, experimenting. All the things that you need to do to find what works for you and your clients! It's also very easy when you're in business to compare yourself to others I used to do that and it never made me feel good so i decided if i'm going to compare myself to others then i'll do it in a wow that is inspiring kind of way Seeing what other people have achieved and what other people are doing as something for me to work towards, and show me what's possible for ME. A good example of this is when I joined a high ticket mastermind back in 2022 And at the time everyone in that mastermind was way ahead of me

19:43 They had programs that had sold out, they were doing big launches. They were doing five-day challenges... They had six or even seven figure businesses and I didn't have any of that! I hadn't even created my first course when i joined on paper. I shouldn't have been there it was out of my budget and although I'd been working with clients one to one for years I was only just transitioning into creating programs and workshops, and working in groups rather than one-to-one. But...I know me! And I know how my brain works. And I knew that while my business wasn't at the stage that I could justify joining a high ticket mastermind really… I also knew that the quickest way to get it to that stage was to join it

20:33 I wanted to surround myself with people who were way ahead of me. I wanted to learn from them, I wanted to be inspired by them...I wanted to follow in their path! I wanted to see up close what they were doing not because i wanted to do exactly the same thing but because I knew I could learn so much from being around them and not just how they ran their business but how they showed up personally and what they did when no one was watching And I knew they would stretch me and challenge me, and push me to be the best i could be. And I launched the very first version of Storytelling Mastery which is now my signature 12-month program within one month of joining that mastermind! I would never have done that if I'd been trying to figure it all out on my own

21:23 The Business of Stories, Susan Payton Only ever compare yourself to others in a way that makes you feel good and inspired and motivated, an excited to be more YOU. To learn from others and then find your way your path your voice so you can be more YOU attract more of the people you love working with and build the business you want to build So those are just some of the things that have helped me make sure the story in my head is a good one

22:14 And actually this week's question from Ash is a good reminder of what that journey has looked like. Hi Susan, it's Ash here from the Business Clubhouse I have a really quick question. I remember meeting you must be 13-14 years ago and you trying to pitch to room full of business owners and how quiet as a mouse you were and that person has just gone so i wanted to know do you have A moment where you kind of realised, you recognised what you were capable of. Oh thanks Ash! Yes I remember that day very well In fact i mentioned it in the last episode when I talked about realising storytelling was my thing and how everything fell into place very quickly and I was standing at the front of a room in front of 40 entrepreneurs within a week giving a short talk And I was so nervous

23:10 Just like the story at the beginning of this episode. Except, this time I did have a little bit more time to prepare so I knew what i was going to say but the physical reaction was the same This was long before I'd had the conversation with Dr Anna So I was shaking and trembling and had to keep stopping to catch my breath But instead of trying to pretend it wasn't happening, I actually started my talk by telling the story of what happens to me when i stand up in front of a room of people with a microphone in my hand and how these gremlins invade my body and sabotage the whole thing and turn me into a gibbering wreck. Then I talked for a few minutes about the power of storytelling and how sharing my story to my group had changed everything for me

23:59 And how I was now helping business owners share their story. It was one of the most terrifying, uncomfortable nerve-wracking things I'd done since I stepped out from behind the scenes and started a business that required me to be more visible But despite the nerves my story and message had landed... ...and I left that room with six paying clients. But it's interesting you said that person has gone because she is still here I'm much more confident than I was, but I am actually an introvert at heart and highly sensitive. And emotional! And have the same doubts & fears as everybody else. I've just found ways over the years to help me show up and do my thing even when those feelings are creeping in

24:49 I've learnt how to notice the story in my head and change it when it's not serving me, to a better one that does make me feel good and help show up for the people I know can help. And I've realised that the more I show up and do my thing despite the feelings of not being good enough…the more those feelings fade They're not as loud as they used to be because I keep accumulating evidence that i do much better work and can help more people when I don't listen to those stories. But your question was, was there a moment when I realised what I was capable of? I love that question because one of the reasons I stopped working with all the celebrity clients that I had back in 2015 and gave up the very nice monthly retainers that I had

25:43 I wanted to see if I could actually build a business that went beyond me charging for my time. It took me awhile to find my way I didn't know back then that i had ADHD so, I didn't know why I couldn't do some of the things that people were telling me I should do or I didn't want to do them. They didn't work for me my brain just didn't seem to work that way! I used to get frustrated and think maybe I'm just not cut out for business but luckily I'm very stubborn and I stuck at it and I found my way through

26:30 And as I've grown my business, I've discovered more about myself and how I work best. And while I'm still learning every day of course, I am much more in tune with how my brain works and what I need to do to stay out of overwhelm and keep moving forwards one step at a time. And I guess if I try to think of the moment when I realised that I can do this was when I did my first big launch back in 2023. It was so full on, I'd never done anything like it before! It was a five day challenge and i was live in a Facebook group every evening for six nights in a row talking to hundreds of people from all around the world. I was answering questions telling stories talking to people connecting with people

27:23 And during the day I was giving them all feedback, helping them craft their stories. And I did it completely on my own! Now I have coaches that help me but back then I was completely on my own helping hundreds of people all day every day and going live every evening and it was exhausting. I actually cried on the Thursday afternoon – I was so tired And my coach literally got on the phone to give me a pep talk so I could keep going and finish it. But by the end of that week, 38 people had joined my program and the feedback from everyone was amazing! And I thought you know...I think i've got this. I think I can do it. I can help people. I am capable. I DO know enough. I AM good enough

28:19 So thanks for that question, Ash. It's a great reminder for all of us that we're all evolving and growing and learning and it's a journey of discovery! And if we just get the story in our head working for us, we're all capable of so much more than we think. When we make it about our clients amazing things can happen. I'm going to talk more about that in the next episode – About your role in your client's story and how you can position yourself as the person they need in their story right now, and how you can keep shining your light brightly so they can find you. But as always before I go let me give you a quick action step that you can go away and do here's your action step for today share a story about a time you doubted yourself when have you doubted yourself in your business?

29:23 And maybe you're thinking all the time, and if you are, you're not alone. Most business owners doubt themselves a lot but not a lot talk about it because they want to be seen as having everything together But the truth is whenever I share a story about doubting myself people reach out and thank me for sharing They love the honesty and it helps them see that they're not alone That its quite normal to feel those feelings So, maybe you have a time you nearly didn't do something because you were doubting you could do it. And if so how did you get through that doubt and do the thing anyway? I remember sharing the story of how I nearly didn't write my book because I doubted it would be good enough or if anyone would want to read it but I'm so glad I didn't let that doubt stop me! So that's your action step for today share a story about a time you doubted yourself

30:26 And I'll see you next time for more stories that do the selling for you, so you don't have to. Thank you so much for being here! I love that we get to do this together Would you do me a huge favour and please rate review and follow this podcast in Apple Spotify or wherever you listen to your podcasts? And i'll see you next time For more honest conversations meaningful connections and of course stories The Business of Stories.