Why Having Fun And Seeing Friends Is Vital For Men

00:00 Men, having fun, creating energetic flow, getting out amongst your mates and making new friends is an absolutely essential part of creating the life you desire and showing up as the man you want to be. Role thing. Welcome to the Johnny Jensen show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches, relationships and results they deserve. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community at highvalue manproject.com. Let's go. Men, welcome back to the Johnny Jensen show. It's great to have you here. My name is Johnny Jensen. I am the founder and the head coach at the High Value Man Project.

00:43 And this is episode, I keep saying it's epic. I keep saying we've done like 150 episodes. I actually checked. This is episode 139. So I was like, you lying bastard. No, we're doing okay. But we're pushing on towards 150, which is absolutely brilliant. The podcast has been running now for about three or four years and there's been little bits of gaps, but we are fully in the groove here in season five, episode 22. This episode, absolutely vital. And it comes off the back of a fun weekend. In fact, an epic weekend that I've just had. Epic as it was, there were still awkward moments, still weird kind of standing there wondering like, oh, what am I doing here?

01:28 Is there anybody I know? Or I think I know that person, but I don't recognize them. Like so much of what is pretty common amongst all of us. And I think probably at any age, but certainly as we get older and we're hooked up, caught up in our busyness of our business, of our family, and of just getting on with the daily grind that we forget to go out and have fun. We forget to put ourselves around people. And in this episode, we're going to talk very much about that, which might sound a bit weird. Like he's going to talk about how to make friends. Like, are you kidding me? We're not a primary school, but loneliness is an absolute modern disease.

02:08 And his little stat here, 60% of men admit they feel awkward in social settings at least once a month. Well, they've got to go out at least once a month. I read another stat I've written down here, something about loneliness and the number of men who actually admit to feeling lonely. It was something crazy, like one in six or something. I'll find it in a minute. But, you know, there's been different, I know that Movember did a report a couple of years ago. Calm have also done a report on loneliness. It is a modern day disease. It is it inflicts everyone. And the reasons why it's so important to bring it up and the reason why it becomes a disease is because socializing, having fun, getting out amongst our friends is a habit.

02:53 And when you get out of the habit, you start to fester and rot. And like when it's gone too long, you literally can't do anything about it because when your confidence is shot, when you've got like you haven't done anything, so you've got nothing to talk about, then you really are completely stuck. And getting out there for the first time, it happens a lot to dads getting over divorces and breakups. Then getting out there can be one of the most confronting things to do, but it is ultimately the solution. So that's what we're going to talk about today. It's great to have you here. If you've just found the podcast, if you're just watching the live for the first time, absolutely brilliant to have you here.

03:36 This is a show for modern men, for men who are committed to creating the life they desire rather than living one that they feel stuck in. And it's the antidote to the lack of masculinity that exists in the world. And that problem is in and itself why so many men feel the way they do. It's why the divorce rate is so high, why the suicide rate is so high. It's because men feel lost in their work, in their home, in their relationships, in the bloody mirror. And inside of the high value man project, that's what we address. We equip men with the tools to focus on themselves, to get their life structured and set up with the job and the money, basically, and the personal space, health in their physical, emotional,

04:24 mental health, so that they can then be the best version of themselves to go out and find the ideal person or create that perfect relationship, be the better husband than they've been being, to socialize with their mates, to get out with their mentors and network and to have a shitload of fun. When you try and build all that on top of a very weak person, a man who is very lost and confused and lacking in confidence, even if he's showing up on the outside, has got it all handled, then that's where the rot sets in. I know because I did it to myself. I know because I had. had to pull myself through it and get better on the other side of a breakdown, of the divorce, of all the shit that comes with that.

05:06 And to find myself here today and to be able to look around me and say, ah, I can see, I can see those guys who, without realizing it, yes or no, are actually showing up for themselves in their life and the results are coming to them. And then these other guys, well, we are following a prescription that we thought was going to deliver us the results and happiness that we desire, but it isn't. Maybe you've got success without happiness, but that isn't really success, is it? The true definition of success has to be happiness and success, aka fulfillment. And so if any of that is where you feel like you want to be or you want to be around other men who've created that lifestyle and are living from that place, then come and get yourself involved.

05:51 The place to start is at the high value man base camp, which is at highvalumanproject.com forward slash group. That's highvalumanproject.com forward slash group. That'll get you into our complimentary area. You can book a power call with me. Everybody gets an invitation to do that and to participate in all the bi-monthly webinar events, live events, the inner circle, the lodge weekenders, all of it you get access to. So back to the main point of today. So last weekend was a bank holiday weekend in the UK. It was Memorial Day in America. So it meant that we were partying all around at the very least, the UK and America. People were partying.

06:37 It can be very uncomfortable at those times for people who feel like they haven't got the social life they desire or they have, but they don't have the confidence to go out there and be part of it. It could be absolutely brutal to see on social media all these people posting fun times they're up to, parties they're at, people they're seeing. You know, it can really kick you in the bollocks. And it's not about men who are sat on their own in some grotty place with no money and no family. Loneliness can hit every man. When you are successfully running your business, when you're focused on your family, you can still feel lonely.

07:20 You can feel like the things that you used to do, the people that you used to hang around with, the person that you knew yourself as, seems so far removed that you don't know where you stand, that you don't know who you are or what to do. And when that kind of thought takes hold, that's where things go wrong. It is a downward spiral. And if you've listened to lots of the high value man podcasts or this podcast, the Johnny Jensen show, then you'll know that this downward spiral is everything that we talk about as high value man being the antidote to. When we're living a low value lifestyle, everything's going wrong. We're not enjoying ourselves. We're not moving towards a clear goal. We don't have the relationships that lift us and fulfill us.

08:05 We're not having the fun and adventure in our life. We're stressing about money. It can't help but be a downward spiral. And that's what we're creating. The energetic flow is something we'll talk about in this episode. But the energetic flow is the force that you're putting into the world that brings opportunities, that brings good people, that brings fun and laughter and lightness to you. And that is a high value man lifestyle. That's the kind of person that people want to be around. That's the kind of person that you want to see in the mirror. So, as per usual, I've made myself lots of notes. As per usual, we're probably straying far off them, but I'm trying to.

08:47 What am I trying to do? Like, when you listened, you listen to, who do I listen to quite a bit? What's he called? Lewis Howes, The Model Health Show, Sean Stevenson. Back in the day, it was Pat Flynn. Like some of these people. Oh, who's the bulletproof Asprey guy? Some of those podcasts have been around for a long time. They were some of the podcasts that I've listened to since day one. How far they've come since those times. Mel Robbins is another one. How far they've come since those times, getting things polished up. That's what's where he's driving towards. So, of course, I've got these show notes.

09:30 But there it is. There's the stat. Nearly one in four, worse than that, one in four men report frequent loneliness. Long-term loneliness raises the risk of depression by 60% and early mortality. So you die earlier by 26%. And then in the UK, the Office of... of National Statistics reported in 2024 that 5% of UK men say they often feel loneliness. So like, how the hell do we fix this? Oh, and by the way, one of the, you know, when I was doing the research for the title for this, how to, you know, how to get more friends was right up there in terms of high searched videos on YouTube.

10:19 And it doesn't have to be that way. And for someone, you know, let's just talk about myself really because that makes this story really personal. This weekend was epic. We went to a vinyl countdown event at a pub called The Albion on the Saturday. It was DJs, vinyl only. And the people there, it was packed. And it was like, it was good to see so many people out and about, like the old days, right? And it was packed. Loads of old faces, people who I hadn't seen for years, a lot of them whose bloody name I couldn't remember. And to be fair, some of them started talking to me. And then they were like, I'm friends with so-and-so and so-and-so.

11:01 And then I go, oh yeah. Still trying to remember. Now, I'm not saying I'm flipping awesome, but lots of people remember my name. So I was, I was trying, like, when I was a teenager, I had a nickname, JJ. Only reason I really dropped that was when I went to university, it was quite far up north. So you're trying to, you're meeting like northerners, scousers, people from Liverpool, Manx, people from Manchester. And you're saying to these people, all right, my name's JJ. And they're turning around going, JJ, what the fuck is that? Right. It's like I was not making friends by introducing myself as JJ. So I reverted to what my family all know me as as Johnny. And so forevermore, I'm Johnny, right?

11:45 But yeah, bumping into people and they'd be like, oh, JJ, how's it going? Not seen you for ages. Oh, you look just the same. And going, oh, good. But you like those moments, you just have to lean into. And one thing I have discovered is that if you say to someone quite early doors, oh, brilliant, what's your name again? Then it deals with it quite quickly. The longer you wait into the conversation, the more awkward it gets. Especially like you can't end the conversation with, oh, by the way, remind me of your name again. Just like you can't do that. Okay. So tip number one, if you need reminding of people's names, ask it early doors. But the reason I'm sharing this story is that the awkwardness that so many of us will feel around social situations or around getting to know new people exists for all of us.

12:33 One guy I bumped into, so as good as the Saturday night was, and it went on perfect, so about 11 o'clock, everyone dancing, hands in the air, old house music tunes, my incredible girlfriend, Joe, and I, it was brilliant. We were bobbing around, chatting to this person, catching up, dancing together, you know, and the whole night went like that. On the Sunday was another party, this time a daytime thing, funk and soul, sort of the pub was even more packed. It was just like, dare I say it, just like being in our 20s again. And it was the same people. Like that's, that was the magic of it. It was a real flashback to days gone by.

13:15 And I think hopefully, not to mention the bloody L or C word, but since being locked in our houses for two years, that seems to be far enough in the past now that people are happily going out again. But don't let that thought trip you up. I'm standing there in this pub full of people and there's pockets of people chit-chatting. And there seem to be, everyone seems to know each other and they seem to be having a lot of fun. And I'm like, why can't I remember everyone's name? Or why don't I know as many people? And that thought, that concern creeps in. And the thing is, if you let it fester, if you let it take over, then it'll in the moment have you not have as much time, have as much of a good time.

13:57 And in the future, when you look at going to that next event, you might end up thinking, oh, well, it wasn't as great as I thought it was. I'm probably not going to go and do that again. You have to lean into it. This one guy I got chatting to, nice guy, old friend from back in the day. And like, I hadn't seen him for a year. We saw we were together at a similar party about a year ago. So I said to him, I'm like, oh, how's it going? Good stuff. Yeah. And he said, oh, yeah, it's brilliant. So good to see everyone. Not really been out since I saw you last year. And there's the kicker. We're all in the same boat. It's so easy to presume that everyone else is having a great time and everyone else is flipping out every weekend seeing people because that's what it looks like on social media.

14:40 Now, some people, some people are. And that's what this message is very much about. You've got to get out there and put yourself amongst people. You've got to. make the effort on a social level to fill that side of yourself up in terms of the high-value man fire code. It's the R in fire. It's the relationships part. Now, obviously, if you're seeing those people, then you'd like to think that you're having fun. So it's also the energy part. And that's where these pieces overlap each other. And if you are being around other people and if you are having fun, then that's going to support and boost your emotional and mental well-being, the focus of the fire code.

15:20 Now, of course, if you flip it and you're not doing any of those things, all those areas will be impacted. That's the point. That's the importance of it. Each night out sharpens your social muscle. Social interactions release dopamine and oxytocin, which are key for your mood and your focus and your creativity. So that's why it's part of your upward spiral. And on a basic level, if you're going out and you're engaging in conversations and you're, it's almost like you're practicing talking, you're, you're test driving things that you've been up to recently. So that's where, then I talked about it as your social muscle. That's where you get to be sharper, funnier, more magnetic.

16:04 It's there isn't another way. Well, I guess there is. You could flip in, take a tablet and be the life and soul of the party for a couple of hours, but that isn't real either. What's real is having an interest in life, being up to stuff, putting yourself around people. My dad, who you know from regular listeners will know I often reference as one of my greatest influences and inspirations, he's always got people around him. Now, from a selfish point of view, he doesn't like being on his own and he likes having a laugh. He also likes getting pissed. So when he has people around to his house, he's ticking all those boxes. He's seeing people, he's having a laugh, and he's generally getting pissed.

16:45 So happy days. Now, when he has someone else round the week later, he's got points of reference. He's got things to talk about because he was doing it the week before. And that's why this thing is so important. That's why you've got to break the cycle of doing nothing or not going out and seeing people, not because you're useless and shit, but because you might be too busy, but because you have kids and stuff to do. That's understandable. But you have to carve out time for yourself to do these other things, to put input into yourself, to fill that bucket in your life, which is you. You can't be dependent on your missus for all the fun and joy in your life.

17:27 Anyone in a boring long-term relationship will know that that doesn't last. And if you're wondering where the passion and intimacy has gone in your relationship, it's because you're relying on her for everything. You've got to get out there and put yourself amongst people. This idea that I mentioned earlier about energetic flow is all of this that I've just mentioned into a nice little title. Energetic flow. You might have heard of the expression about flow, being so in the groove that you're just, you're creative, that your life is easy. Well, I like to, I don't know if you know if it's real, but probably should search up. It might turn out that I heard from it somewhere else, but energetic flow is where you are the creative force in what you're up to.

18:12 It's where you're putting yourself out there. So if you're looking for a relationship, you're not sat at home scrolling through Tinder hoping that someone pops up. You're actually out there. Not that you expect to meet that person, but if you want to meet someone who runs, then you go running. If you want to meet someone who's into music, then you go to a concert. Or if you wanted to meet someone who plays music, you go to a jamming night at a local pub. Like it's not always that you expect to meet that person there either. But when you do bump into someone at the queue, you know, waiting in line at the airport and you notice what she's listening to or what she's reading, you can be like, oh, yeah, I was at this cool thing last week where I did X and suddenly you're engaged.

18:57 The confidence is up because you were out and now you're talking to her. It's an upward spiral. This energetic flow is creating force around yourself, force in the universe. Because it's not a coincidence when you find yourself listening to some music that you heard whilst you were out or noticing someone that you hadn't seen for a while because you, you know, you noticed them in a supermarket because you saw them at the thing you were at the other night. That's energetic flow. Like the champagne, you know, like champagne in the bottle. It's not until you shake the bloody thing that it explodes and something happens. That's what we're talking about here.

19:40 And if you're not doing it, then guess what? You're going to feel shit. And if you feel shit, then you're going to feel. you're going to be shit. And that's going to impact your work. It's going to impact relationship. It's going to impact how you show up as a dad. And don't catch, don't trip yourself up by comparing yourself to other people's social media streams. Bit like the example of the guy I was talking to at the Funkin' Soul event. It's not always as you might see it. If you want to feel the difference, you've got to be the difference. To help with the rest of it, take what I'm sharing with you here right now and go out and plan it. Inside the high value man 3XC, inside commitment is the idea, the concept of planning for fun.

20:22 Not exactly rocket science, but creating your bucket list, going through, making a list of the friends and relationships, the people from your entire life who you remember having a good time with, who you'd like to be reconnected with. Then you focus on how many people, or at least did I connect with one person, family or friend this week? Have I made quality time for my children? Have I been out on a date night? Have I had fun and adventure? These are the habits and routines inside the fire code. So you see how it all fits together, but it comes from an energetic flow of you actually getting out there and doing something about it.

21:02 So think about what it is that you're up to. Look at how many people you've spoken to or how many things you've been to or how many concert tickets you've bought in the last year. And if you're not doing all those things, get in motion. Get a piece of paper out right now or just sit and simply dictate into your phone who you're going to call, what tickets you want to go to, what tickets do you want to get. What do you want to get tickets for? Blind me, Johnny, get it out there. Plan one adventure every six weeks or every month. In terms of your relationship, talk to each other about what do we want to do? What do we used to do when we were dating? Get out there, having people around for dinner.

21:42 Like, don't worry. I'm not some flipping guru who's got it all nailed. These are all things that I have to proactively do and sometimes feel uncomfortable about. Having people around for dinner. It's like, oh, what are we going to eat? Are they going to drink? Are they going to go straight after? Where are we all going to sit? Is it going to be fun? Like, my dad doesn't give a shit. Gets people around, cooks food, gets them pissed, has a laugh. And when I get people around and do that, that's generally how it goes. Because the old adage of people like you like people like you, the person you invite around for dinner, your old mate, is probably thrilled to actually have something to do.

22:20 And that's the importance of this structure and routine and energetic flow of the high value man lifestyle. I've got some more notes here, but I'm not even sure if I'm going to go into them, right? I think briefly, watch out for mindset. You know, the whole kind of I'm too busy, they won't want to come. Oh, it's a bit awkward. I don't know what to say. All those kind of mindsets are traps. The trick when those sorts of thoughts come up is to notice them and reframe them. Like actually ask yourself, well, what's the complete opposite of that thought? The complete opposite of that thought is they recognize me as well and they're waiting for me to go over and say hello. Okay, good.

23:05 I'm going to go and do it. Oh, it's going to go wrong. Well, is it going to go wrong? And what's the worst that could bloody happen? They'll say, who the bloody hell are you? They'll say, I don't, I've never liked you, Naffoff. Or they'll be like, hey, how's it going? And the last one is probably a lot more likely than the other bloody two. So that's what you've got to do. You've got to push through. You've got to get into the habit of reframing situations, creating a positive alternative version and getting into a state of energetic flow. Make a list. Here's my actions for you. Many of these fall out of the high value man 3XC and fire code. So make that list of old friends. Make that list of things that you used to do that you don't no longer do.

23:50 Make that bucket list of things that you want to do in this world, in this life. They could be big or small, learn a Rubik's Cube or climb, flipping Killy Manjaro. Get them all down and everything in between. This is how you create an upward spiral in your life. This is how you become that magnetic force, that man and dad that you know you are truly and that you want to be on a day-to-day basis. I would love to get your input and feedback on this. If you come over to the high value man group, it's off of Facebook now because we've just found it's a better place to be. You can simply go to highvalue manproject.com forward slash group and that will get you into the base camp.

24:32 Bring your experiences, bring your thoughts and concerns. We've got, I've just actually scheduled in the. the first lodge weekend, which is going to be in November, a big firewalking event up in Avymore in Scotland. We've got a social here down in Kent just before the summer. It's actually coming up in about three weeks' time. And everything and anything else that we plan in between that, on Sunday, we're going to a free mini festival in Folkestone. It's about putting yourselves out and about. Anybody can create a social, whether you're in Liverpool, whether you're in Southampton, whether you're in Maidstone, if you're part of the High Value Man Project, then these little social events are popping up all the time.

25:13 It's about being part of it. It's about creating that upward trajectory, literally exploding the cork from the champagne bottle. Anything you need from me, you can drop by on my socials. I'm pretty much Johnny Jensen everywhere. But of course, like I said, the first and the best place to start is inside the base camp. And one final thing before I forgo, reviews. If you've listened this far, then bloody hell, you're either like super keen or you forgot to turn your radio off. Get yourself, I put it in the show notes. There are links there to the Johnny Jensen show on Spotify and on Apple Podcasts.

25:52 Please drop by and leave me a review. It massively helps boost the podcast. And for the best review of the week, I offer a free, a gift, a prize of a power code session with me. That is a one-on-one, normal cost, £150, $200 for a one-on-one session with me to really dig into one key challenge or goal inside of your life. And we'll apply the high-value man system for living principles to it to create you a blueprint and an action plan to move you forward in that area. So drop me a review. It'll be my absolute pleasure to receive it. Please share this podcast with other men in your life and let's spread the word.

26:36 The high value man life that you desire is totally available. You just got to go out there and grab it. I will see you next week. Until then, let's go. Thanks for tuning in to the Johnny Jensen show. Be sure to subscribe, leave a review and share it with fellow dads. Creating the life you deserve starts with you. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvalumanproject.com. Let's go.