The 5 Myths Holding Men Back

00:00 Men, the top five myths I hear about why high value man won't work for me, which is basically why men won't do the work on themselves. Roll theme. Welcome to the Johnny Jensen show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches, relationships and results they deserve. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community at highvalue manproject.com. Let's go. Hello, men. Welcome to the Johnny Jensen show. I am the founder and the head coach at the High Value Man Project, and it is my pleasure to be here with you.

00:41 So why don't men want to work on themselves? It has been book week, International Book Day. What do they call it? World Book Day. That's what they call it this week. And I heard a bunch of different radio stations talking about, you know, the whys and wheres of it all. Quite frankly, as a dad, as my kids are now teenagers, I'm a little bit relieved that I don't have to come up with come up with crazy outfits. Also, when you find out the night before or 24 hours before, oh dad, can you make me look like Willy Wonka? So anyway, but yeah, but one of the stats that was that was commonly talked about yesterday was the percentage of people who haven't read a book in the last year and it was crazy high.

01:30 It might even have been longer than the last year, but you know, you're talking about 70% of something people, which I've heard other stats contradicted, you know, about how book reading is booming. You know, there's always a load of bollocks, isn't it? You know, you get a day like this and different organizations come up with studies and research and stats. You know, they've asked 50 people and decided that half the world that relates to. But anyway, point being, and you can decide for yourself, how many books have you read in the last 12 months? Which sort of does drift into this subject today of men willing to work on themselves. And I hear the same reasons, you know, obviously you're part of this podcast.

02:09 You're watching this live, which is great. There's the Brotherhood, which is our free, complimentary community, like the entry level into everything we do here at the High Value Man Project. And then there's paid work. There's the inner circle, then there's the 10-week programs and the elite. So there's a sales conversation that's somewhere along the line, or there's an invitation that people can either accept or decline somewhere along the line. But it's the same reasons over and over again that I hear. And they're generally bollocks. And so this live today is really a message to you to look at like, what are you up to?

02:49 Because if you're not moving forwards and you are fundamentally moving backwards, if you are not leveling up and taking the opportunities to find out about yourself, to be a better person, to be more than you were last week, then what's the point? Where are you headed? And if you're absolutely smashing it in certain areas of life, then that's great. But time and time again, I see people, I've been going out and networking this year as one of my commitments for 2025. And you see people, they stand up and they introduce themselves and it's all good about what's going on. And then later on, we'll have a chat and they'll be like, yeah, but, and there's this one area that's a complete nightmare.

03:31 And it could be that they've got some level of addiction. And I'm not an addiction coach, clearly, but you know, it's not like flipping crackhead. They're just saying like, I spend too much time gaming on my phone, playing golf even. Like my relationship's suffering. What can I do about it? Or my relationship's struggling and it's impacting the entire rest of my world. What the hell can I do about it? Or I'm just a bit fed up and bored. I've hit 50 and I haven't got a bloody clue, hit 40 and I haven't got a bloody clue who I am or what's going on. What can I do about it? And so what comes up at the front as though the reason I can't do this isn't necessarily the truth about what's going on behind.

04:12 And I want to pull back the curtain on that. Before I get into that, I am cranking up the reviews on the podcast. I'm doing a review of the week, right? If you leave a review and it turns out to be my favorite review, and that doesn't have to mean it's good, by the way, if it's highly critical, but it makes me laugh, then you could find yourself being review of the week. Review of the week gets a one-hour power call with myself. That's normally 150 quid or a couple of hundred bucks, right? So it is of value. So if you are enjoying this, then get yourself over to Apple Podcasts, get yourself over to Spotify, leave a review.

04:52 And of course, if you're watching, then please like and share, subscribe if you're on YouTube. It is all of significant help and support. and support to the high-value man mission, a mission to impact a million dads around the world so that we can transform divorce rates, suicide rates, and actually give our kids a healthy, thriving family unit to grow up in. So, let's dig in, right? Number one in the top five myths about why people won't, why the high-value man project won't work for them. I'm not into that personal development stuff. Now, I think that the subject of personal development has come along, you know, in the last 20 years.

05:34 Certainly, when I first read Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway in sort of 1999, 1998 sort of time, you know, and discovered Tony Robbins whilst watching late night TV, you know, I was one of the few. And so it's come a long way now, right? But still, men will feel like, well, I'm doing fine. I don't need that sort of stuff. You know, it's, it's, it's, you know, it's just not for me. I don't, and I don't really like to talk to other men. I don't really like to, like, they've got an idea in their mind about what it's all about, which isn't necessarily true.

06:13 You've got to go and eat a flipping curry before you can find out what a curry tastes like. You've got to get some running shoes and go out running before you can say, I don't really like running. You've got to know what it's like to peel back the curtain on yourself and be like, wow. I never knew that the way I thought about that could be shifted. I never knew that the way I struggled to get out of bed in the morning or what the reason why I can't stick to a fitness or a diet was actually something that I could take more control of. It's not all flipping self-help, fluffy stuff, right? That's bollocks. Actors, athletes, business, like tycoons, they have coaches.

06:53 They want to improve. They want to make themselves a better man. But why is that relevant to all of us? Well, here's the everyday stats of that: is that more divorces are initiated by women than men, a significant number more. So why is that? How are men showing up in their marriages? Male suicide rates are a biggest killer of men under 50. Like, why is that? Like, why are men suffering and struggling to actually just on a basic level enjoy their day-to-day life? And the number of bored, frustrated, overweight, there was a stat came out on the radio today about loneliness, the number of people reporting to be lonely, and in particular, how that impacts men between 50 and 65.

07:37 Like coasting through life like this is simply shocking. And you've got to take control. So where you look at how you take control of that is, well, how could I be better? What could I do for myself? Wouldn't you rather feel like you're in the driver's seat of your life instead of flipping stuck in the back or worst, stood on the pavement watching all the cars go by? Number two, I don't have time. I don't have time. Now, this thought about I don't have time will probably be prevalent in multiple areas of your life. And it is one of the root causes of everything that's wrong. Now, that could be a big thing that's wrong, like all of it, or it could be one little thing.

08:17 But be clear: when there's one thing wrong in the area of your life, then it will bleed into the rest. If your health is in the shitter, then you're going to struggle to perform at work. If you're struggling to perform at work, you're going to bring that stress home. If you're fat and overweight and you don't really feel confident naked, then that's going to impact on your relationship. So it's one little thing that bleeds into everything else. No time for a date night, your relationship's going to die. No time for fitness, your body's going to break down, have a heart attack or some flipping other disaster. No time for yourself, your mind will collapse under the pressure.

08:57 Mental, physical, emotional energy is what it's all about. So based on your current lifestyle, you're right. You might not have time. There will need to be some adjustments, but that is why your current routine is broken. You know, when you say to someone, what's your routine? Oh, I don't really have a routine. Well, you do. You just got to shit one. So when you look at like, what's it going to take to optimize myself? So when you make time in the morning for a better routine, and then the rest of your day transforms so that you come home and have a better evening, make more money, have more fun, then it's an upward trajectory that starts with you taking responsibility for what you have time in, what you're prioritizing.

09:41 Because if you keep running on the same hamster wheel, then you're going to burn out. Broken relationships and regret are going to be everywhere. Okay, next up, there's nothing wrong with me. This is a classic one, right? There's nothing wrong with me. What are you talking about? Why do I need that? That in itself suggests a very closed mind to everything that's available. Now, for sure, in this broad spectrum of where a man could be at in his day-to-day life on his journey to achieving his goals and his vision and achieving his potential, right?

10:17 You could be at many places along that journey. So it's not true that there has to be something wrong with you in order to be a better version of yourself, in order to catapult yourself forward and actually create something better. It's not about is there nothing wrong with me, what are you talking about? There's nothing wrong with me. I don't need fixing. The real question is: are you moving forward? The real question is, what's possible if I do this? And that's where you get intrigued. That's where you get interested in where you're at and what other people are up to. What are other people up to that are doing this? All right. How did he get how come he's got his world set up like that?

10:58 How come his missus are holding hands and laughing? Uh, and we're sat here looking at our phones. Like, are you leading in your family with certainty and strength? Are your kids inspired by how you're living? Are you hanging out with them? Are they communicating with you? Having fun with them? Are you squeezing the most out of this experience called life? So it's not about fixing. I've just said it's about asking yourself what's possible. Do you want to become more, or are you just settling for enough? It's great if there's a real challenge that you want to address because it gives us a springboard.

11:35 But if you just think it's all about, then you're missing out. You know, the lodge weekend is where we conclude our 10-week cycles, where we, you know, the fire code, it's all about ourselves. We focus on ourselves. Then impact, how we're managing our money. What's our business look like? This isn't a business program, but it is about how you're showing up as a leader in your business. It's about how you're managing yourself. Then relationships, how you're showing up for the people that matter to you most. Your wife or partner, for your kids, for your family and friends, for your mentors and network. Like, where are you in the world in relation to other people?

12:13 And then in energy, are you having enough fun and adventure and peace? Because if you look at those four areas, and instead of saying, oh, there's nothing wrong with me, I'm doing all right. You could say, wow, what's possible? What's available? What's more for me in each of those areas? Now, that's an interesting question. Number four. Number four, I can't afford it. I can't afford it. When that comes out as a like a, oh, that's just the reason, right? It actually covers up a lot of else what's going on. Many people will go out each day and waste money on crap. You know, Deliveroo and Just Eats and whatever they're called, wherever you live.

12:56 Like people are getting McDonald's delivered to their house at breakfast or people find money for holidays. You know, it's going to be fun. We'll feel much better when we come back without actually addressing why, you know, what's going on here. And we prioritize and find money for what we think we need most. And in this throwaway instant world, what we need most could be a flipping coffee delivered. Failing to appreciate that eight quid for a bloody coffee is ridiculous. Subscription services that you've forgotten about. Like the list goes on. It's about recognizing what you're seeing, what value you're seeing in what you're doing.

13:42 And this isn't some like clandestine, you know, excuse of, oh, just pay all the money, right? There's there's the brotherhood, which is free. There's the inner circle, which is our month-to-month program. There's the group 10-week cycles and then elite. Like there's levels for everybody. I hear the excuses I'm giving you here for all sorts of people. But then there is the men that make a stand and be like, yes, I can see what I want to get out for that out of that. And I'm going to make it a priority. I can see what's in it for my relationship and my business and my family to thrive. That's what I'm going to make a priority. And fundamentally, that's about putting yourself first for once in your life.

14:22 Not out of selfishness, but out of self-leadership. When you are more for yourself, you can be more for others. So, can you afford not to is really the question. What happens if this carries on the way that it's carrying on? What is ultimately going to happen? What's it look like? What's the predictable future? As I once explained it, was it predictable, almost certain future? What when someone says I can't. afford it, what I really hear is I have no clear vision for my life and I don't prioritize myself. Now, if that's challenging, like, yeah, Johnny, but you don't understand. Well, cool, talk to me.

15:03 Inside the fire code, we've got the high value man lifestyle checklist, right? It's 16 habits and principles that when you do them, when you execute them, when you implement them, when you play with them in your life, your life naturally improves, your relationships improves, you take control of your finances and money. And when you have more fun. And when someone says to me, I can't afford it, right? And I'll say, okay, fine, but let's just be clear, right? If that is the reason, how many of these things are you doing? Because you could do these on your own anyway. And when they're like, well, I'm doing that one, that one, but not the others. It's okay. Well, so it's not about the money.

15:41 It's about your willingness to step up. It's about your willingness to make the changes in yourself for the benefit of everyone around you. It's not about the money. It's almost never about the money. And then number five, the real kicker, it won't make a difference. You know, oh, you don't understand. I've tried everything already. It's not my fault, right? It's her. You know, if the marriage was better, I'd feel fine. It won't make a difference is a cunning disguise for a lack of responsibility. And actually, to caveat that, it might be that you're taking responsibility in the wrong places.

16:25 When I did Key Person of Influence and a couple of other business courses back around 2010, 11, 12, it was all a focus on if I could just make the business better, then everything else will be better. The problem was it wasn't actually about the business. The business was growing. I was training hundreds of social people in social media each month. We had five members of staff. Like it was me that was struggling. It was my marriage that was broken. It was a level of responsibility that I needed to take there. I just was looking in the wrong place.

17:04 If you think that it won't make a difference, if you think you're the only one, if you think that people won't understand, then it is actually a little bit of victim mentality. One of the most transformational things when you put yourself in a group with other people is to find out that either they're going through exactly the same, same challenges, sales, money, stress, relationships, kids, health, whatever it might be. And they're feeling exactly the way that you are and you thought you were the only one. Or curiously, they're feeling the same way that you are, but they've got something else going on. And that is the most transformational. That is the most like freedom you find. You're like, oh, what shit.

17:46 I thought this was all because of my thing. And yet here he is feeling exactly the same way. Or he's challenged by the same things. He has the same goals, but it's about something else. So this, it won't make a difference is a level of awareness and responsibility where you see that you do have ultimate control in everything that you're doing. My marriage is over because of her, or my marriage is the way it is because she's like this. No, probably not. Could be down to how you stopped leading. It could be down to how you're doing too much for her. It could be down to how you're working hard and not showing up as the man she fell in love with.

18:30 My business is broken or my business is stressing me out. I don't even know if I enjoy it anymore. Like, ah, whatever that version is. No, you're probably operating from fear and not really taking some of the bold decisions that you need to take. Or the classic, really, which is the catch-all, if I just fix X, everything else will be fine. Well, no, the X thing is probably a byproduct of where you are off, of where you're not quite in the game. And the classic is, you know, like across your life, whatever's going on, there's one concept.

19:11 And that's where you get to take the ultimate responsibility. Across these five myths, where's my list? I'm not into that personal development stuff. I don't have time. There's nothing wrong with me. I can't afford it or it won't make a difference. I was just checking that and repeated one there. That's lucky. It isn't about sitting in the shit and wondering, like, oh, how am I going to deal with it? What's coming next? It's about looking at the vision you have for yourself and your life.

19:50 The idea of the man you want to be for yourself, for your family, for your kids, how much fun you are having in the world with your wife, with your family, with your friends. Looking at what's possible for me tomorrow. What haven't I done in the world in my life that I would like to do? What would it look like if I got rid of this crap and had all the stuff that I wanted? It's not a click your fingers magic wand type scenario, but it is about consistent step-by-step moves forward. How you eat the elephant one bite at a time, how you win an Olympic gold medal is you train every day. How you make a killer business is you work on it bit by bit and you don't work on it all on your own.

20:33 How you transform your relationship is you show up as the man she fell in love with. Or how you fix a broken relationship could also be you have the bollocks to end it. So all of these myths are actually what's holding you back. And it's time to challenge them because you're either making excuses or you're making moves. And literally, whether you're in the brotherhood and you're utilizing all the free resources, whether you're taking part in the upcoming five-day challenge, whether you're joining the group, which is happening in April, or whether you want to work one-on-one with me in the elite, then it is about you leveling up, about you stepping up and taking the opportunity.

21:18 And if it's not with me, then go and get that book or watch one video. Tony Robbins, Jim Rohn, Zig Ziglar, Mel Robbins, they're all out there. It's about what you want and making it happen. So I got to go. It's Friday over here. As always, I try and get this out at the end of the week. So it gives you something to listen to over the weekend. Please go to Apple iTunes, iTunes, what bloody year is it? Apple Podcast, Spotify, and leave a review. And get yourself over to the new high value man group, which is very simply at highvalumanproject.com forward slash group.

21:57 That is your springboard and access to every single thing that we do here. Whatever it is that you need will be available through going in that front door there. My name is Jonnie Jensen. Please share this with other men in your life and I'll see you on next week's episode. Let's go.