Single Dad Christmas Survival Guide

00:00 Single dads, if you have stumbled across this video, searched for it, or are generally sitting there thinking, oh my gosh, what am I going to do this Christmas? Then we are here to reassure you, to share some stories, and to let you know that it's going to be okay. Roll theme. Welcome to the Johnny Jensen Show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches, relationships, and results they deserve. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community at highvalumanproject.com. Let's go. Welcome, men, to the Johnny Jensen show.

00:41 It's good to have you here. A little bit of a Christmas special. Terribly time-stamping it, but you know, if you stumbled across this because you're a single dad wondering how to get through Christmas, then we have totally got your back. And yes, I did say we. It's not a faux pas or whatever, something like that might be. I've got him waiting in the back room, the green room, my good friend and podcast wrap-up co-host from way back in the day. Let me bring him in. Glenn, it's good to see you. How the devil are you, Johnny? It's been far, far too long. I'm very disappointed that it's taken several Christmases for us to catch up.

01:25 It must be three or four years since we've done this. I looked it up. Yeah, when was the last one? Okay, guess the year. Okay, now, I reckon this was at least a few relationships ago for me. So I reckon 2021. It must be around then, right? It was 2021. It was actually September 2021. I can't believe that. I'm a little bit freaked out, to be honest. Great month. Great year. Loved it. And yeah, very little has happened since then. We could be for hours if we talk about everything that's happened.

02:02 For those that are listening, watching, and have not been with us for more than a couple of the new episodes of Underneath the Johnny Jensen show branding, Glenn and I, Glenn, aka the, are you still known as the dating dad occasionally on Twitter? No, I don't write anymore because actually wheatly writing about dating was really bad for dating. So yeah, I've stopped writing, but you know, when a name kind of sticks, like, I don't know, the one man who shags one sheep and he's forever known as a sheep shagger. I'm always going to be known as a dating dad, I think. Yeah, and think of all those toilets you'd have to go around and change.

02:47 Your handwriting needs improving. That's all I'm going to say. So, yeah, we're here as the, I'm the founder and the head coach at the High Value Man Project. We are creating strong, confident men living the life they deserve, not a life they feel stuck in. And it's always been that mission, primarily supporting dads at home. So they're having the same success at home and in their social and their personal life as they perhaps are having at work. And classically, in this world we live in, the onus is put on men to go out and make the money and take responsibility and be strong.

03:28 And, you know, some of that can be kind of contentious in 2024, going into 2025, equality and all that. But men still take on that role. And so we're here to support men through that. And most of all, get fit, get strong mentally, physically, emotionally, reconnect with who we are and what we want and have a shitload of fun along the way. And that is what Glenn and I did for 54 episodes in what was known as the wrap-up. Love it. 54 episodes we did. And the thing is, I love that line about equality because it's not about dipping down and trying to lower ourselves to anyone else.

04:08 Actually, it's about everyone raising themselves up and raising themselves up to the highest level of what they can be, whatever that's going to be, and whoever you compare yourselves against. And as long as that person is not Ryan Reynolds, because we can never live up to his legend, there is a reason he's on my laminated five. But as long as you're the best version of you you can be, then everyone's a winner, right? Everyone's a winner, baby. That is the truth. So Glenn and I have been chatting and we're going to look at different ways we might bring the wrap-up back in certain guises.

04:45 It was always my intention with the podcast to have a varied mix. So as we go into 2025, yes, there'll be the episodes like I've been started up again with me spouting off about different topics that fit under the High Value Man Project. But also we've got guest experts coming. coming on. I've got the new tropics guy lined up. Of all the podcasts, I did 152 episodes. I think the 100 episodes, because someone can hold me to account and double-check that, but it was about something. The new tropics episode was the best one. So I'm going to get him back. I'm sorry, Glenn, I didn't mean to burst the bubble. No, no, no, no, no. Tell me. I mean, firstly, yeah, I'm hurt. The new tropics guy, tell me more. I genuinely don't know who the new tropics guy is. He's a man who invented new videos on Monday.

05:31 No, no, Bongo. I've got to find his. Where's my. I bought his book, right? Because I'll flipping Kindle, low battery, modern day problems. You don't get a problem. Google, new, new tropics guy. I could just attempt, I could click on YouTube, right? But he, David, someone came on the on the podcast. So new tropics are supplements, you know, Ashwagandha, Lion Mane, all that sort of stuff, you know, like new tropics, like mood enhancing, illegal, not illegal, legal highs, things like things like that.

06:15 Sorry. Sorry. Yeah, my natural tendency towards highs was going to go illegal before illegal. It's fine. Anyway, listen, it's going to take me ages to go and search him up, but anyway, N-double O. Yeah, it's a fancy way for talking about like, do you remember back in the day? We're doing an episode of the wrap-up here, isn't it? Do you remember back in the day, like Ephedrin? But bodybuilders used to take it. It was like a legal speed, basically, but not as good. This body was crafted with supplements. Oh, no, no, no, my friend.

06:53 This is no naturale. I'm not saying, I'm saying if I had taken them, maybe I'd actually look like the man I wanted to look like when I was a lot younger. No, terrible. I worked at Gino's Pizzas during uni, and the bloke that was the manager was this big, burly, big, burly guy from Canuck. And somewhere in my memory banks, it's a beer's name. But he used to have this massive pot of ephedrine. They were like little, like, they're basically like what are those caffeine tablets? Oh, Pro Plus. Pro Plus. I used to pop a shitload of those. Nothing makes it itch more than a 15 Pro Plus, that's for sure. I forget.

07:33 I wanted to self-censor. No, you can swear. It's okay. We've got the, is there swearing involved in this, yes? Excellent. Just want to make sure because, you know, it's been a while since we've done the wrap-up. I don't know how much things have evolved and how far I've been left in the past. Notice we both got glasses on. That is a new addition. Yeah, yeah. Honestly, it's a reason. I've literally had to buy a bigger telly just so I can see everything okay. I admit, I bought it like two days ago and I popped out to get some spray paint and thought, let me just look, I'm bored. I'm on annual leave. I'm just going to pop into curries. I'll just have a look. And before you know it, I've got an 83-inch telly in my living room.

08:14 Happy days. That's the gift that keeps on giving. It's almost deserved. No, no, not almost deserved. I've definitely deserved. What I'm saying is almost essential. A decision that I have no regrets over, like much of my dating life. Well, yes, indeed. And that's another whole episode. That's another whole season. Let me drag this back, kicking and screaming on topic. But actually, if you're a single dad and you've stumbled across this, then what Glenn and I are doing exactly now is good for you. It's cathartic. It is another aspect of the high value man community and the project and the getting together with guys is just having some chit chat and banter because it's, you know, whether you're face to face, whether you're doing it online, whether you know people very well or just met them.

09:01 Like one thing that blokes can do very well when you're given half a chance is tit about, is take the piss out of each other and have a good laugh. And we had the first ever, I'm a little bit embarrassed to say, but keeping things all legit and out in the open, it was the first ever meetup of all the guys, like an official high value man in brackets team super dad event last weekend. We went out for our Christmas meal up in London. And the reason I sound a bit embarrassed is because it should have happened years ago. It genuinely has been planned and then shelved and then planned. And then, and I've met individual members, individual guys that I've worked with.

09:41 But here it was, the first, first event at Christmas. It was a lot of fun. And what the reason I've just mentioned that is there was one guy in particular, quite an introverted guy. And having him there, I was kind of aware that it was a little. bit outside of his comfort zone, and you're kind of having to sort of make sure everyone's involved in the conversation. But it was just good to see him kind of, I could notice him sort of at the edge of his comfort zone, and then me kind of pulling him in and being like, No, no, come on, come on, we're gonna have a laugh here. Uh, funny thing, and I'll throw this in now because um, it could be a little bit of a bit of coaching for anyone that's listening who's a bit introverted. Do you remember the bogey game? Um, um, uh, yeah, bogies,

10:27 bogeys, honestly, it's ridiculous. I really know there's no way I would know about this, which is basically one of the greatest games that's ever. Can we just break it down for people who have never played bogies? Because especially our international listeners, they're missing out on one of the basics. The whole point is all it's very, very simple. Like the best games are: all you have to do is say the word bogies, and there has to be at least two of you. You take it in turns, and every time someone says it, it has to be just a little bit louder. Now, where you start is up to you, but just a little bit louder and a little bit louder and a little bit louder.

11:08 And when you're out in a restaurant or something like that, it can be wonderfully, wonderfully, toe-curdlingly embarrassing. I love it. Yeah, so Dick and Dom, two kids' TV channel hosts. So I set this guy because one of his things was we started working together. He was, he goes, people just don't hear me. I'm like, I'm like, well, I'm like, okay, I get that. I get that. And I understand it, you know. And I said, well, you've got to work on it. You've got to be a bit more assertive. And I said, you've got to speak louder. So then I met him face to face for the first time. I was like, and I told everybody because it's good to keep everything out in the open.

11:44 And I was like, did you go and play? So I sent him the video. Like, if you go and look on YouTube for Bogey Game or Dick and Dom, I sent it to him and I said, right, go out with your boys and play this. I said, I want you to get chucked out of places. Like, go on. There's another assignment in Fight Club. I'd like to think it's a little bit, a little bit more, I don't know, fun, shall we say? Yeah, I don't think I'm going to see you saying, yeah, your mission is to go out, your homework is going out and get in a fight. No, no, no. Let's just shout bogies at the top of our lungs. I think that's genuinely a much better suggestion.

12:21 Yeah. Although, funnily enough, I have found that the more, you know, no surprise, the more outrageous I am with my comments or posts, the more interest I get. So there's a method to so many, I was going to stray off wildly into a topic there, but not going to do that. I know, I know. Oh, boy, oh boy, hold those horse ears. We'll save that for another show. Anyway, listen, we're 12 minutes in, right? Single dad's Christmas. Glenn, how many kids have you got, Glen? The last count four. Oh, Glenn's fine. I'll say the last count because that is going to be the last count. I've got two kids.

13:02 And my stepson as well. I don't really see it. I don't see him at all anymore. So I've been a stepchild. I had a stepmom after my mum died when I was a kid. And then I had my sister. I don't call her my half-sister, but technically she is, but she was my dad's first. Her mum's my dad's first wife. So in this sort of like Christmas and single dad subjects, which we're just teeing up here, I've got a half-sister. I hate saying that, so I know I'll never say it, but just for the benefit of this show, right? So she's my sister. Different mum. There you go. That's a nicer way of saying it, right? And then I got my little brother who sadly chucked himself in front of a train.

13:44 So he was from my dad's third wife after my mum died. So I got a little brother as well. And then I had a stepmom. And then my dad and her got divorced. And then when I met my now ex-wife, she had a son as well. So I got a six-year-old into the package before my two were born. And then we got divorced when they were five and three. So that's kind of my experience of being both a brother and a dad and a step parent and a stepchild and that whole kind of stuff. And then my divorce, the breakup came in 2015 and all the Christmases that have passed since then.

14:24 Christmas was always a big thing in my family and for good reasons. My mum loved it. Her whole family and traditions go back into having Christmas be a very positive, family-focused, fun event. And then my family in Chicago, who we're very close to, actually they're on my mum's side. And my auntie Gladys married, had three kids. think four actually, but one died, but three lived on the two I know closest married Irish in Chicago, like in the 40s, and have just had hundreds of kids. Each family has six kids. Each kid has six kids. They're like, they're just like

15:07 riddles. I was on my way to St. Ives and I saw a cousin who had seven kids. Yeah. Like when you get an Ewok, no, not an Ewok, a gremlin. When you get a gremlin wet, like that is my family in Chicago. And all awesome. All a lot of fun. So point being, Christmas is a, you know, is a fun, fun thing. But I'm aware people don't always view Christmas as a positive thing. And I made an episode about this, which is up on the podcast now, episode four of season five was all about. It's called how not to have a bad dad Christmas. It was going to be how not to have a shit Christmas, probably a better name.

15:48 But in reference to your previous point about swearing on things, they're not that cool on putting swear words in the title of things. Yeah, you don't want to put it in the shipmaster Christmas. Glenn keeps freezing, which is a real pain in the art. Keep freezing. I don't know if it's me or you, but I've almost certainly. Oh, okay, right. Yeah. One of the things on my list to upgrade is everything. Okay. Other than the TV. So Glenn, tell me about your army of kids and what Christmas means to you. Well, in the words of Hansen, is what Christmas means to me, my love. I've got four of them, two and two, but mine are a bit older than yours.

16:30 Most of them anyway. I've got a 20-year-old now, 20, Johnny. She's 20 years old. I remember stuff I was doing when I was 20. I'm not saying that. And so I have an 18-year-old son, which is mad. He actually, a week or two ago, I was doing some DIY double blazing the front door. And he said, Dad, while you're waiting for the paint to dry, do you fancy going to the pub? Like my boy took me to the pub. I whacked his ass and I probably will go again. But he took me for a beer. It was so nice. And then I've got a 14-year-old and an 11-year-old. Now, the older two, they live with me pretty much full-time. The younger two are 50-50. So it means that I see a lot of them, which is wonderful.

17:15 And I wouldn't have it. Well, I would have it any other way. I'd have them all full-time. But that's, yeah, they should definitely have their mum in their life. It's right. And we split Christmases. I was really clear from the early days from, because actually, just as an aside, Johnny, today, literally today is the seven-year anniversary of my divorce. So I've been single for nearly eight years now. This is my eighth, no, my seventh, my seventh Christmas by myself. Is that breakup day or divorce? That was divorce day. Breakup day was in January at some point. And actually, I'll come on to that in a minute because there's some sort of emotionally stuff in there which might relate, some people might relate to.

18:00 But yeah, from the very start, I always was very clear. I need to see my kids on Christmas. That was a non-negotiable. I'm lucky enough, and I'm fortunate and I'm never going to undervalue this. I'm fortunate enough that there wasn't any negotiation. I was lucky enough that my ex-wife just said yes to all of my, they're not even suggestions, my demands. So I said, I need to see my kids every Christmas. There's no two ways about that. I think they should be seeing both parents on Christmas. So the way we do it is we split it. We split them the day itself. One of us will have the kids on Christmas Eve through till after Christmas lunch.

18:43 Then they go to the other parent's house. And that parent who has them, who misses Christmas Eve, gets them for New Year's Eve. So you get one or the other every year. Now, my ex, she's very much right. She doesn't really care too much. She was like, oh, okay. This year and for a couple of years, she's like, well, I can't be bothered to do Christmas lunch. So why don't you just have them for Christmas? And I'm very clear. No, that's not the deal. The kids need consistency. So Christmas morning, Christmas lunch, and then the swap goes. And this year is my year to have them after Christmas lunch. So I get to eat whatever the fuck I want for Christmas lunch and not worry about it in any way, shape or form. And that works quite well. So yeah, I plan to have a very enjoyable morning.

19:28 Then they come home later in the day about three, four o'clock. And then the real fun begins. And that's the reasons why that's interesting and good, right, is because it's not the same as I think. Right. And I have been on record on video. videos on other things going do not split christmas day into it's no good for anybody lay-by you know tears in lay-by's flipping you know the people in the morning are desperately fearing the afternoon where they're going to be gone and the people in the afternoon are hanging on the morning's crap because nothing starts until the kids get there so like like it's it's it's it's good that you've got a version of that that is completely different than this

20:11 thing that's in my brain and it's not it's not totally made up there's an element of christmas day lay-by handovers with my sister and and stuff oh yeah never never gonna do that i was all and i'll be honest it took a while for for it to normalize the first year i didn't have my kids for the morning for christmas waking up with them i'm not gonna lie to you i just sat in a bath with a bottle of wine and cried the entire it was horrible i hated it hated it dearly and the only thing that kind of got me through was knowing i'm going to see him this afternoon i'm going to see them i get to see them and it gave me a light at the end of the tunnel that wasn't a train that was coming towards me something to look forward to um and it really meant that no matter what i'd be able to enjoy christmas day with my kids which is ridiculous because it's just

21:04 a day right it's just another day in the year it just happens to be one that we all put a bit of a bit of value on so um the the meaning attached to it is almost meaningless but that makes it every bit as special because we all say this is when we're going to spend time with our family and that's what i wanted yeah and kudos to you both that that was okay and also kudos to my ex as well because when i said to her i'm not doing handovers on christmas day like enjoy the christmas absolutely enjoy and by the way in case i've missed a bit i i i've run out of power so i cut out i've gone from fixed line to wi-fi and have no idea what it's going to but but um you know i think we're

21:43 both lucky in that respect that our ex is i mean don't get me wrong anybody wants to go back and listen to some of the other stuff or or read some of the things it is around i i don't shy away from telling my story um it was gruesome you know four years of family court and like that but but you know to where we are today seven uh 2015 october 2015 was our breakup so uh nine christmases will be my ninth christmas and um interestingly christmas for her family wasn't so great yeah in what way well one one of the first christmases she spent with us um at the end of the day she was like quite emotional with joy going this is the best christmas i've ever had i've never had a christmas where people didn't row and cry and

22:34 like the clampets you know like that's kind of a low bar there is a low bar it's a low bar but also but it's interesting to bring that up here because it's it's not a personal thing about her and her family but it is interesting that that is actually quite a common thing for families that christmas ends up being full of tension and and full of uh angst or there's some kind of bullshit you know bloke sits around doing naffal woman goes and buys all the shopping buys all the food cooks all the food needs that there with a bit of beer like waiting for his turkey um and then falls asleep like he's got some right to be

23:13 tired fair dudes he may have been at work but no we're not talking about the 19 bloody no no no no we're all no no exactly exactly no fair you put the effort in at christmas you step yeah is not about us let's be honest we we get loads out of it but as a dad as soon as you're a parent christmas is about the kids and that's the only thing that needs to matter and if that means you you are a little bit more tired than you normally be man the up no i agree i agree and flipping that ties straight into the high value man project stuff is manage yourself get enough sleep be be healthy eat right like don't like

23:51 that's another whole subject in itself really but um yeah so so it was good for me that when i said you know every we'll split christmas and new year we'll rotate it she just said yes and curiously for my kids that's normal now oh yeah whatever you make normal is normal so i know that my ex regularly tries to change the arrangements change the times change the date everything about the kind of christmassy thing but as far as my kids know from the start that for us normal is you wake up at one house you open your presents have your lunch and then you go to the other house and you have the evening entertainment and all that sort of stuff that's normal for us i'm not saying

24:31 it's right but as you say as soon as you establish it whatever that thing is stick to it because kids love consistency as far as i know know. That's the thing they value the most. When the rest of their world is constantly changing, give them a little bit of consistency at an emotional time. Yeah, yeah. And for me, for my kids, like they get two Christmases. This is the cool thing about like literally Christmas Day with if it's not our Christmas, we recreate it. I've done Father Christmas and I didn't say, Oh, he's going to come twice. I didn't do that, right? But you know, I said, like, okay, well, he's not going to come twice, but we'll, we'll make out like he's coming. So we get the whole experience. Done it all, woke up, cookies, you know, you know, and the presents are there. And then we have lunch, then we're doing more presents.

25:15 And so for my kids, like normalizing it and having it be, having it be something to look forward to, like two Christmases, absolutely brilliant. What's what was it? You alluded a moment ago to the first Christmas, and there'll be men out there, right? This is their first Christmas. It was hard. It was so emotionally hard in every way, shape and form. Yeah. And did, did you, I'm kind of kind of leading questions here, right? But did you have that sense of like, it's done. There's never going to be okay again. Like this is, this is, it's awful and it's never getting better.

25:56 Were you in a real despairing kind of place like that? Well, I don't know about that. I was in a place where I was like, it is never going to be the same. And because it's difficult to focus on the good things when you're still in a mindset of looking at the things you've lost. And if all I was doing in the early stages was thinking, I'm not normally, normally, and I'm putting air quotes around this, normally we'd be doing this at this point. Normally we'd be doing that at that point. Because that's what all the years of normality had given to me. And so it was just, it took a couple of Christmases to shift my thinking.

26:37 And it genuinely took a couple of years. There's no two ways about it. Time is the only thing that did it. But it took a couple of Christmases to shift my thinking from what was normal post-divorce, pre-divorce. That was how things were then. So actually going forward, this is the new normal. And it was horrible. That point, but going from one to another, that grinds that really, really is a rough time period. There's no way around it. Exactly that. You know, when working with men who are going through divorce, explaining to them what the grieving process is. It's a real thing. It's a process called grieving. And it's a mixture of highs and lows, confusion and anger.

27:19 And you can jump from one emotion to another. And just as you think you're coming out of it, you get something like Christmas comes along and reminds you of all the things that you've lost. And then suddenly you're angry and upset and confused and depressed and like, fuck it, go party. And then you wake up miserable again. And when men think, you know, I dare say women as well, but you know, you're going through this and it's like, when's it ever going to end? And actually to be told, no, no, no, just chill out. It's like, it's actually a process. It's called the grieving process. And as you work your way through it, these times get less frequent. They're more consistent. You're able to manage them, manage them better. And it can be really reassuring for people to go, oh, so I'm not like, I'm not stuck like this.

27:59 I'm not going to be miserable forever. Like there is, it feels like a bit of a kick in the nuts when someone goes, oh, don't worry, mate. It'll be all right in a couple of years' time. Like it feels like, no, you don't understand. You don't understand. Yeah, we're all different, right? Yeah. It's one, it's really rough because it takes so much time to establish what those new normals are and to go from, you said something really interesting there about all the things I've lost. Absolutely 100%. There's no two ways about it. You have lost what you had before, but it takes, it just takes a couple of years to find those things you have gained. The things that are different, the things that I'm not saying better, but create a new normal, a new good part of Christmas.

28:41 Now, for me, like I say, I split mine 50-50. So some years I'll have the kids Christmas morning. They'll wake up at home. They'll open their presents. We'll have Christmas dinner. It'll all be lovely and fun and normal. Then they fuck off to their mums. And the first year that happened, horrible, hated it. Empty house and you're just sat there with wrapping paper all around. Red song just, oh, it's hell. Now, when they go off to their mums, you know what? What's brilliant? I then get to plan my afternoon and evening. I get to go around friends' houses, family houses, drink until I don't have to, because I don't have to worry about the children. I don't have to worry about waking up the next day and being all solid and normal.

29:26 I can then worry about tidying up over the course of a week or whatever. When I have got my kids in the evening, okay, again, I hated waking up. on Christmas morning by myself, but now it means I can have a buck's fears, I can chill, I can relax. I don't, I don't have to wake up at seven or clock, seven, you lucky bastard. Yeah, you're not every minute before seven o'clock they come downstairs, they lose a present. So they've been trained really early. You do not do anything before 7 a.m. Um, but yeah, I don't have to wake up early on a Christmas morning. I can be up as late as I want on Christmas Eve, wrapping presents, watching diehards, drinking as much brandy as humanly possible, wake up at 9, 10, 11 a.m.

30:12 on Christmas Day, chill, relax, have a nice, relaxing morning, get myself ready, go pick up the kids. Life is good. It, but there's no way of me saying this is great that I would have personally believed seven years ago. Exactly, yeah, because it wasn't normal, it wasn't right. It was like, oh, all I'm thinking about is what have I lost? And it takes time to realize actually what have I gained. Yeah, yeah. And there's a couple of different things I've created in the high value man work since we were last doing the podcast. Um, one is this real interesting bit of work around the rational and the emotional mind.

30:55 And where we really with ourselves is when we mix those two minds up because, like, the rational mind, what I can, I can get pissed at my mates the night before, wake up, have a chilled-out morning. If I've, you know, if I've got someone there with me, we're gonna have a nice morning together. Like, I have a buck's feet, like with the brilliant. Well, then the kids come around lunchtime, we have a main in the afternoon. Oh, well, that sounds good. Yeah, okay. That's the rational brain going, like, okay, yes, when you think of it like that, that's really, really sensible. Then the emotional brain comes along and goes, but what about waking up without the kids? Like, you know, like, and you suddenly say, I'm never going to be the same dad I was before. And like, what are they going to grow up like without having this wholesome family experience that I promised myself I would give them?

31:38 Like, that's the emotional side of the whole thing kicking me. Now, actually, if you can look at that emotional side separate from the rational, you could just let it have its mini drama and upset and like rolling around the floor in tears. And you can pick that inner version of yourself up and pat them on the shoulder and give them a hug and be like, Yeah, I know you're upset, but it's going to be all right. The rational side if you just explain the whole thing to me in really clear terms, right? That's a powerful concept to help men get through this. Um, because you're like, okay, well, I'm not going to be upset about saying I can't change. That's ridiculous. Am I going to make the most? Am I going to make the most of this and find a best way? I talk about it like when the kids are with you, be 100% dad.

32:20 And when the kids are not with you, be unapologetically outright flipping 100 miles an hour, 100% for you in a twisted way. And I've got mates, right, who say to me, Oh, it's all right for you. You don't have to have your kids all the time. No, no, no, they don't mean that like they don't want their kids there. But think about it, Glenn, right? There is a period of your week where you don't have dad duties where you literally can just get on with work or where you can have a line or you can just do some housework. I both absolutely fundamentally agree with them. I love my life. I love the fact that when I'm a dad, I'm 100% dad. When I'm not a dad,

33:06 God, this sounds like a fucking t-shirt. When I'm a dad, I'm a dad. When I'm not, I'm a lad. And it's when I can just go out and enjoy myself and live the life that most married men and people in relationships of whatever they would love to have. Going out when I want, drinking when I want, eating what I want, sleeping when I want, working when I want, all those things. However, also, you can hold two things that are both two diametric or diametrically. You didn't choose it, but it is what you've got. That's what I've got. So I can hold that truth in my hand whilst also holding in my hand. I want to be 100% dad all the time whilst also loving all those moments that I'm not a dad.

33:47 It's that best of, I know what it's like to be 100% dad. And at that time, I would have loved to be able to pop in some non-dad time. Now I get that. And that is something that I'm never going to not treasure. I love my kids, but I will always, always enjoy the fact that now I have a bit of freedom that would never have happened in any relationship before. Yeah. And it's not an either or, right? Because that's not the choice we've got, but it is a reframe for people when I'm talking to them about that. Oh, how am I going to get to you got to like you reframe it? Like you got what you got.

34:27 And here's a really nice reframe of that. makes it like flipping brilliant now of course there is a there's a whole slice of this of the dads who want to see their kids and aren't seeing their kids and it's a it's it's a complete mess right um i don't have massive words of encouragement for that because it's it's not something that that they can fix it's something that they are stuck with it's something they didn't they didn't want they didn't ask for they probably fought for something else um But one of my standard phrases, and I'm not even beginning to claim I invented this, this is an old adage. Control what you can control, influence what you can't control, and accept what you can't influence.

35:08 So I was lucky enough to have a lot of control in my breakup. And so I controlled all the things I could control. There were parts of that where I absolutely couldn't control it. They were her actions, her decisions. So I tried to influence those as much as I could. And over time, and it just takes time, I learned to accept I'm not going to be able to either control this thing or influence this thing. So all I can do is accept it and make the most of the situation I've got. And as soon as I did that, I was like, okay, I'm pissed off about this thing that's happening. Can I control it? No. Can I influence it in any way, shape, or form? Maybe. Do those things.

35:46 If not, no. Other than that, hands up. How can I make the most of whatever this shit sandwich is and try and make the most of what my life is? Yeah. And you're just flipping summed it up there, Glenn, beautifully. There's no point getting upset about things that you can't change. And whilst Johnny, is there a thing in there where a lot of men think because, you know, these are high-value men, these are people who are used to working hard. They think they can either control or influence everything. Oh, yeah. I mean, that's another whole subject in itself, right?

36:25 And that's right where men get burnt out through the amount they're working. It's where they damage relationships because they're not giving enough. They're not committing a right to time. They're not aware of how they're showing up. They're like, that's not high value, right? And I've, you know, the name in itself can let people make presumptions about what it actually means. But, you know, where I came up with high value, and you can find different things online, people talk about it in different ways. But for me, there's a low value life, which is full of upset, stress, fatigue, poor health, money problems, arguments with people.

37:09 Like a real low value way of living, like, you know, you're overweight, you know, but bad health, bad bank balance, bad relationship. And then, and, and those kind of people are going, well, I don't know what's going on. You know, I've done my best and look at it. It's not my fault. And you're like, wow, man, that's like, that's gotten, you're not taking any responsibility. You're not looking at how, you know, how you're showing up. You're not looking at like how your energy is impacting the people around you. You're not considering that basically you're this bulldozer with a, with a, you know, the, with, you know, on with no driver, like just let loose through the streets kind of thing. So so that's the, that's the difference between, you know, a low value life and a high value life. High value man life is fit and healthy.

37:54 He's in control of himself. He's working on his, on his, on his mind, his personal growth. You know, he's healthy emotionally, physically, mentally himself. He's then managing his finances. So he's, he's stable. He's, he's not stressing about that. He's not bringing money worries into the rest of his life. Then his relationships. He's controlling those things he can control. Yeah, exactly. You can control your incoming and your outgoings. You can control those. You can control the way you access your own health and the way you access your own mental health. Now that you can't control all of your relationships, but you can influence those. You can influence how you talk to people, how you present yourself to people and how those things interact and engage.

38:38 And then there's a whole bunch of things you can't control. But if you're controlling yourself, then you influence the people around you and accept the rest. All of a sudden, you're happy because you've done everything you can do. And that's all we want. We want to feel that we've done all we can. Yeah. And you're not trying to change what you can't change. That eats man up thinking, I've got to save this person and I've got to change that person and I've got to fix this person. And you like, don't even realize that you're holding. If you drew a picture of it, this is, you get people to do this. Like if you drew a picture of all the people you're kind of like supporting, like as a literal thing, like,

39:18 yeah, exactly. So, so for single dads looking at their Christmas like this, right? To. fall to pieces right now would be an unnecessary waste, right? And that's hard for some men to hear when they're facing Christmas without their kids. They're in a family court situation or they've lost a family court situation. I mean, I like to be positive about the way that family courts are changing and getting better. And when I hear a couple of good ones, I'm like, great, yes. And then I hear three bad ones and I'm like, oh, man, seriously? Which is another, you know, we'll dig into that in another episode. But it's a, you know, in terms of Christmas, if you sat there

40:04 being woe is me and like having the flipping no one else there and eating a Tesco's ready meal and and and drinking yourself into in the ground. Do you know what? If it's your first Christmas, that might actually be all right. That might actually be cathartic. It might actually be what you do for that first Christmas. If it's the third one and all of a sudden that's what's becoming your Christmas routine, then I'm going to say no at that end this year. You're creating a new norm and it's mad. How many times over the past couple of years, when I've mentioned, oh, yeah, I haven't got the kids Christmas morning or I haven't got the kids Christmas evening.

40:44 You mention it to one or two people and all of a sudden, not offers of sympathy, but genuine, oh mate, excellent. Do you want to come around now? Come around. We'll do this. We'll do this. We'll spend Christmas together. You ask, it's shocking how strong a network can be and the gift you're giving to someone else to spend time with them. Yeah. It's amazing. And it's not weird. I think people get the idea. Oh, that'll be weird. I'll be info. I'll be like putting a pomp. It's not. You turn up, you know, with some beers for some. Yeah, you turn up with some beers, you turn up with a 12-pack of can of coke for the kids and a box of quality street or heroes or whatever.

41:25 And you're just there. It's like it's literally other than the birth of Christ and that part of Christmas, it's the essence of people turning up and sharing and being and loving and generosity. So the idea that people, I want people to get that into their heads that somewhere in their in their community, somewhere in their family, somewhere in their network of friends, somewhere, if they put their hand up and say, is there any chance I could come and hang out with someone on Christmas Day? Someone's going to say yes. Fuck it, come around my house. I've got plenty of games. No, but no wife. A great TV. The other thing is, again, everyone sits there thinking, oh, I'm not doing this.

42:06 I'm not seeing my kids. I'm not doing these things. But they forget, like you said, this means you get second Christmas. You're a Christmas fucking hobbit. That's what you are. I get the second Christmas. I get two Christmas days. I get to do whatever I want on Christmas Day with friends, family, or by myself in a bar for eating a pie and drinking a bottle of wine, whatever. But then my kids have got one Christmas where they're at and get a second fucking Christmas, a second Christmas day where they get more presents and more fun and get to hang out and experience that high twice.

42:42 That's fucking priceless. Exactly. And I know I'm not slayed. I don't think we should have Christmas every day, but at least, you know, we should agree that twice, that's absolutely fine. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, to kind of sort of complete the range of things that people are going through, there will be dads who are listening to this are going, yeah, but I never see, I'm not going to, I can't. Like, it's been, I'm not being allowed to. A couple of stories. One guy recently, his daughter, they're not really seen much of each other for about five years. And the frost has thawed.

43:21 Like the relationship is being rebuilt. And another guy hadn't seen his kids really since she was about four or five. Even though they live relatively local, he'd come to terms with that. He's got his kids from other relationships. But, and this is, I'm kind of paraphrasing the story, but this part of it is actually what happened. He was in a pub having lunch, not this summer gone, but last summer. This girl walked up to him who he kind of instantly recognized, like, oh, yeah, yeah, I know who you are. Hi, I think you're my dad. Yeah, I think. And since that time, they have been building their relationship, connecting with her sisters, half-sisters, whatever you want to call them.

44:06 And what might have seemed, and the reason I'm sharing this is, is that whether it's, you know, whether your kids are little, like mine were five and three when we divorced. So it was really like, we've got a lot of Christmas we're going to miss out on here. Other dads. they're getting divorced and their kids are in their teenage years. The time, the time, um, Glenn's lights just gone out. I think he's dying. Just as I mentioned, times like the Grim Reaper came in. I didn't, I didn't wiggle all my uh, my mouse, all my monitors all just wearing. There you go. Carry on, but but what my message is is like, hang in there. You know, I know, um, I know, first of all, make sure that you're not spending every Christmas on your own because that's just pointless.

44:51 But I know that other dads will do things like they'll, they'll, they'll buy presents. I don't have like a whole room dedicated to presents, but there's a box and they put a card in there, and there's a, there's a, there's like an ongoing diary. There's like a level of which when the kid asks, yeah, but where were you, dad? He's like, I was here. I just wasn't able to see you. And so it sounds a bit twisted, but you know, you know, if you can get your head around it and have it be that I'm committing to a future where we're back together. And this gets into sort of manifestation and quantum physics and the energy that we're putting out in the universe. But if you're like, oh, we're doomed, we're never going to see each other. Life is over. It's like that. Yeah, it's going to be toxic. It's going to eat you up. It's going to prevent that from some kind of happening. But

45:35 if who you are is, I'm still dad, my kids are there and they're coming into my life, then you're creating the space for that to happen. Maybe it is going to be when they're 17, 18, like those two examples I just gave, but you've still got some kind of 40 to 50 years probably to have that relationship with those children, to have that relationship with those grandchildren. And as twisted as this sounds, if the breakup was really gruesome, if there's some level of you're being prevented from seeing your kids and it's completely out of order, and you know, and let's just say it's on the mum and whatever she's doing. And somewhere down the line, that is going to backfire. There's going to be a moment where there was a moment of

46:21 truth, let's call it, was that, yeah, but I thought you said he was an asshole. Oh, yeah, but I thought you said he didn't want to see me. And so it doesn't make Christmas Day when you haven't got them like, oh, brilliant. Yeah. It'll be fine when they're 18. But some level of everything that you're managing, like Glenn said, you know, things that you can control, can influence or, you know, can't do anything about. It's what you're going to do to get your head around the subject and keep moving forward. And also, Johnny, I've got a big thing about appreciating every little bit that you've got, even if it's one tiny little thing. And I say that because, yeah, as people who listened back in the day, know, I've got a fairly big family.

47:04 I'm one of seven. Each one of us has got loads of kids and that sort of stuff. And normally we get together every Christmas Day. The tradition was either with kids when I've got them or without kids when I haven't. We go around someone's house, usually my sister's, and we drink, we play games and all that sort of stuff. The last year or so, that's not happened. I've not really chatted you about it, Johnny. But my old man's got terminal cancer. He's got lung cancer. He's kidneys removed, all this sort of shit. And odds are he's not going to see many more Christmases.

47:45 I don't know why, but they've not really, they stopped talking to me. Like after the operations and various bits and pieces, I still message. I've had a couple of calls over the last couple of months. But generally speaking, it's all one-way traffic. I'll reach out to him, won't get much back. I probably won't see him this year. I don't know why. Just I probably won't. Now, I could sit here wallowing in grief, thinking, you know what? This is probably his last Christmas. He might have one more after this, but that could be it. Or I could sit here and say, and reminisce about, fuck, do you remember that Christmas when I nearly made him wet himself by talking about the time my brother

48:29 had two pounds to spend in Hungary and realized he could buy seven watermelons. So he had an eight-year-old walking down the street trying to carry seven watermelons. And at the moment, it was just a funny story. And we chatted and we laughed. And I could either be upset about all the things that are in the future that I'm going to miss and not have, or I could say, well, I can't control the future. That's done. All I can do is enjoy what I've got and what I had and look at the positives and not negatives. And I know that's maybe I've been accused of toxic positivity in the past, but I'd much rather live in a positive world than a negative one.

49:10 The accusation I faced was you and your bullshit positive attitude. Yeah, usually one negative bastards. Exactly. You and your bullshit positive attitude, says the, you know, insanely negative person, the chronically negative person. Yeah, it's, it's, you know, the message from this episode of, you know, how to get through Christmas as a single dad or how to enjoy Christmas as a divorced dad. There's no magic wand, right? But the bit you have control over can be magic.

49:50 You can plan. Take control of the things you can control. If you can't control seeing your kids, what can you control? You can control yourself and you can say, this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to wake up. I'm going to do these things. But you know what, Johnny? I fucking hate turkey. My ex-wife used to insist, insist on turkey. I tried everything. I tried brining it. I tried slow cooking. I tried this. I used to wake up at various points in the night to base the bastard. And when we divorced, I was like, you know what? I'll never have to fucking cook turkey again. I haven't cooked turkey in seven years, Johnny. You know what I had last year? A full English breakfast. Actually, look, last year, I had goose.

50:32 Year before a tomahawk steak. Year before that was pork. And the year before that was a full English breakfast. Like, I mean, with pigs and blankets, I'm not a monster. Yeah. Come on. But it was a thing that I knew I could control that was different. I could say, right, I'm going to fuck off those old traditions. They're youthist to me. I can control this bit and that will bring me joy. Now, what other bit of my time can I control that will bring me joy? What other bit can I influence that will bring me joy? Do those little things and all of a sudden they start adding up to a bloody good Christmas. Yeah, totally. And I'll tell you one thing I just remembered. A mate of mine last Christmas, he went and helped out at a soup kitchen.

51:14 In fact, he ended up cooking because so they were like, right, thanks, volunteers. Anyone cook? And basically, he was the only one who put his hand up. Oh, brilliant. Well, you can do it all then. But he was there most of the day. And there was like an army of people, there was like a whole gang of them, like 15, 20 people. They were there in the morning. And basically, like as an example there of going out and putting yourself amongst other people and in that example, actually doing things for other people. One of the, if you're down on your ass, one of the greatest ways to feel good is to go and do something for other people. That sort of thing will never go out of style. It's something that most people wouldn't do if they're in a relationship because they're like, oh, I've got to spend time with my other half.

51:58 And this is something that you would actually get so much out of. And from a, either from an altruistic point of view, you're going to help people. You're going to make a real difference to people's lives, or from a selfish, personal, like just horrible point of view, which I love, of, you know what? It could be a lot fucking worse. Yeah. That is just so life-affirming to realize life might not be exactly what you hoped it would be, but by God, it could be a lot worse than it is. Yeah. And I think that's a beautiful way to kind of round this off, right? Is and you know, and my version of that is you decide when rock bottom, you know, you decide what the baseline is.

52:40 If you're like, well, this is shit. Do you know what? This is the lowest it's ever going to be. Like this is, I'm drawing the line here. Like from this is where we build from. Everything from this point, like is going to be mega. Actually start like, right, okay, well, what does Christmas look like next year? Right, it looks like this. Okay, great. You now got 364 days to actually make it turn out to be that way. And that is really grabbing life by the bollocks and having some fun with it. It's literally a line I keep using recently is, you know, just about this idea that we've been given this miracle of a ride on a rock in the universe.

53:22 And if you find out how big, I know you know, because you're, you just know everything about all these random things, right? So I'm going to talk about it like, like, I think I know Lowe's, and then you're just going to come in and top trumps me with a load of proper info. But we're literally a speck of dust on a speck of dust in the universe. That's how small and insignificant we are. And yet here we are with this, like on a computer with Wi-Fi and like looking at all these devices. And like, and we're, we're just like specs on specs inside the universe. So before everybody gets too significant about all this, literally like, wow, it's a miracle. We've got 80 years to have a laugh. Okay, great. There's going to be some ups. There's going to be some downs. I'm in one of the down periods right now.

54:04 Good. Well, if I'm in this universe, it's full of energy and creates like it does, then I can be pretty certain. that for every down, there's an upcoming. Great. How big? How awesome? How cool am I going to make that up? And mate, you're saying about the time we're on this on this planet, you know, in 13 and a half billion years, you've got this tiny, penny sliver. We get 4,000 weeks of life. I knew you'd pull something that out. 80 Christmases. That's all it is. And odds are, if you're a single dad, you've probably lived 20, 30, 40 of those, maybe even more. You've not got that many left. Do you really want to spend the rest of those few days? You've got 40 days.

54:46 Even if you live to the average age of 80 or so, if you're halfway through that, you get 40 more days. Now, the last five or 10, you'll probably be pissing your pants and asking, Can I, what the fuck's going on? Where's my presence? You don't give a shit. So you've got 30 Christmases. That's a month's worth of Christmases. You've got one month of a day where everyone is geared up to try and be happy. Are you going to waste that month by being sad about the things and pissed, not sad, pissed off, angry about the things that are frustrated, resigned, despairing? I've got a list of low-value words, right? They're in there.

55:31 Blaming, frustrated, resentful, despairing, hopelessness, you know, like it's not fair. You know, all that stuff. One month. One month of your life. One month, not just of your life, but one month in 13 and a half billion years so far. 30 days. Make the most of them, man. Yeah, exactly. They're good. So if you've enjoyed this, then make sure you subscribe. If you're listening, Spotify, iTunes, they're not called iTunes. It's not flipping. Oh, it's like 10 years ago. It's called Apple Podcast. You can leave us a review on there. If you're watching on the tube or any of the other socials, then make sure you like, share this with other dads in your world.

56:17 And in particular, follow, connect up with me. And we'll make sure that we get you all the upcoming episodes of the Johnny Jensen show. And most importantly, if you're interested in getting involved in the high-value man project, then probably the best way to go and do that right now is go to highvalumanproject.com forward slash group and that'll just get you into the complimentary group and start to give you access to some of the tools. And we've got a thing in there called the called the single dad rebuild, which there's a few complimentary things in there. Then there's an on-demand course and it's basically a whole

56:55 setup there to get the support you need as a single dad to kickstart your life, get back on your feet in, as I like to say, in less time with fewer mistakes and more fun. So Glenn, bloody good to see you. I do believe we're going to see you New Year's Eve. Can't wait. I genuinely cannot wait. I've just bought a new cocktail making machine that I need to know what your favorite cocktail is so I can get some of the little pods in for it. What's your favorite cocktail, Johnny? Oh, tricky one. I do quite like a sex on the beach. It's a bit strong. I do quite like that. What do they call them? Our family in America are big on making whiskey sours. They love them. They make these big vats of whiskey sour, basically.

57:39 If it's summer, I must admit, I love a mojito. It's not summer, is it? I'm going to see you in New Year's. So it's the midst of winter. Yeah, so there's probably a, well, Joe will be with me. Joe, my girlfriend's fucking awesome. She's all fitness and health and stuff, but she's also an animal. Give her half a chance. And she'll be like, where's Joe? She's in the kitchen lining up 52 shots, basically. Well, I've got a little, I've got this little glass that you can make six baby Guinnesses in at once. It's one giant glass, and then you put a thing in the middle and it pours into six shot glasses.

58:20 Oh, Joe is going to be all over that. All over that. Brilliant. So listen, guys, thank you so much for tuning in. Be sure to tune in to it's basically weekly. The episodes are coming out and you can be sure to look out for some upcoming episodes of whatever the wrap-up point to wrap up 2.0 looks like. Glenn, happy Christmas, mate. Looking forward to it, Johnny. Happy Christmas to you. And I'm looking forward to New Year's. Yeah. Take care. Thanks for tuning in to the Johnny Jensen show. Be sure to subscribe, leave a review and share it with fellow dads. Creating the life you deserve starts with you. Get your high-value man blueprint and join our community of motivated, modern.

59:04 dads at highvalumanproject.com. Let's go!