Single Dad Christmas Survival Guide

00:00 Single dads, if you have stumbled across this video search for it or generally sitting there thinking oh my gosh what am I going to do this Christmas? Then we are here to reassure you. To share some stories and to let you know that it's gonna be okay! Roll theme... Welcome to The Jonnie Jensen Show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches relationships and results they deserve. Get your High Value Man blueprint and join our community at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go!

00:39 Welcome men to The Jonnie Jensen Show. It's good to have you here, a little bit of Christmas special with terribly time stamping it but if you stumble across this because your single dad wondering how to get through Christmas then we have totally got your back and yes I did say we is not a faux pas or whatever something like that might be. I've got him waiting in the back room the green room my good friend And podcast wrap up co-host from way back in the day. Let me bring him in, Glenn it's good to see you! How the devil are you Jonnie? It has been far too long I'm very disappointed that its taken several Christmases for us to catch up with one another. It must be three or four years since we've done this and... I looked it up Yeah when was the last time

01:32 Okay, guess the year. Okay now I reckon this was at least a few relationships ago for me so I reckon 2021 must be around then right? It was 2021 it was actually September 2021! I can't believe that i'm a little bit freaked out to be honest Great month great year loved it um And yeah, very little has happened since then. We could be here for hours if we talk about everything that's happened! For those that are listening watching and have not been with us for more than a couple of the new episodes of Underneath The Jonnie Jensen Show Branding

02:11 Glenn and I, Glenn aka the... are you still known as The Dating Dad occasionally on Twitter? No, I don't write anymore because actually really writing about dating was really bad for dating. So yeah, I stopped writing but you know when a name kind of sticks like, I dunno, the one man who shags one sheep and he's forever known as a sheepshagger, um, I'm always going to be known as A Dating Dad Yeah and think of all those toilets you'd have to go around and change. Your handwriting needs improving that's what I was going to say!

02:51 So, yeah we're here as the... I'm the founder and head coach at High Value Man Project. We are creating strong confident men living the life they deserve not a life they feel stuck in and it's always been that mission primarily supporting Dads I'm Equality and all that, but men still take on that role. And so we're here to support men through that and most of all get fit, get strong mentally physically emotionally reconnect with who we are what you want and have a shit load of fun along the way. And that is what Glenn and I did for 54 episodes in the what was known as The Wrap Up. Love it! Yeah, 54 episodes we did

03:59 And I love that line about equality because it's not, it's not about And I'm going to be talking about the Jonnie Jensen Show. So Glenn and I have been chatting, we might look at different ways we might bring the wrap up back in certain guises.

04:44 It was always my intention with the podcast to have a varied mix. So as we go into 2025, yes there'll be the episodes like I've been started up again with me spouting off about different topics that fit under The High Valley Man Project but also we got guest experts coming on...I've got this new Tropics guy lined up of all the podcasts which I did 152 episodes in 150 you could someone can hold me to account and double check that but it was about something The New Tropics episode was the best one. So I'm going to get him back. I'm sorry, Glenn, didn't mean to burst the bubble! No no tell me... first of all yeah i'm hurt. I'm wrecked. The New Tropics guy? Tell me more. I genuinely don't know who the new tropics guy is. He's a man invented in New Zealand by Bongo. No no Bongo. I can't find his... where's my... I bought this book right because... oh flipping kindle low battery

05:40 Modern Day Problems. I could click on YouTube right, but David someone he came on the podcast so New Tropics are Supplements, you know Ashwagandha Lion Mane all that sort of stuff. You know like New Tropics like mood enhancing illegal not illegal legal highs things like things like that sorry yeah my natural tendency towards highs was gonna go illegal before it legal.

06:25 Anyway, listen it's going to take me ages to go and search him up. But anyway... New topics N double O Yeah! It's a fancy way for talking about like do you remember back in the day we're doing an episode of The Wrap Up here this is not what.. Do you remember back in the day like ephedrine right? When bodybuilders used to take it was like a legal speed basically but not as good. This body was crafted with supplements Oh No My Friend this is no natural route I'm not saying it's bad, if I had taken them maybe I'd actually look like the man I wanted to look like when I was a lot younger. No terrible! I worked at Gino's pizzas during uni and the bloke that was the manager with this big burly guy from Canuck and somewhere in my memory banks his name but he used have this massive pot of ephedrine they were basically like those caffeine tablets

07:23 I'm Now you can swear, it's okay. We've got the is there swearing involved in this? Yes. Excellent just want to make sure because you know it's been a while since we've done the wrap up I don't know how much things have evolved and uh yeah how far I've been left in the past notice we both got glasses on that is a new addition honestly it's the reason I've literally had to buy bigger telly just so I can see everything okay

07:58 I admit, like I bought it like two days ago and I popped out to get some spray paint. And let me just look on board. I'm on annual leave. I'm just going to pop into Currys. I'll just have a look. Before you know it, I've got an 83 inch telly in my living room. Happy days! That's the gift that keeps on giving us almost dessert was no not almost definitely deserve what I'm saying is almost essential decision that I have no regrets over much of my dating life Well, yes indeed. And that's another whole episode...that's another whole season! Let me drag this back kicking and screaming on topic but actually if you're a single dad and you stumbled across this then what Glenn and I are doing exactly now is good for you it's cathartic it's another aspect of the High Value Man community in the project and getting together with guys

08:53 Having some chit chat and banter because it's you know whether your face to face, whether you're doing it online. Whether you know people very well or just met them like one thing that blokes can do very well when you've given half a chance is tit about, take the piss out of each other and have a good laugh And we had the first ever I'm a little bit embarrassed to say but keeping things are all legit now in the open It was the first ever meetup of all the guys Like an official high value man in brackets team super dad event last weekend we went out for a Christmas meal up in London and the reason I sound a bit embarrassed is because it should have happened years ago. It generally has been planned, then shelved then planned...

09:37 I'm at the edge of his comfort zone and then me kind of pulling him in, like no come on we're going to have a laugh here. Funny thing I'll throw this in now because it could be a little bit of coaching for anyone that's listening who is a bit introverted Do you remember the bogey game? Bogeys!

10:29 Honestly, it's ridiculous. I wouldn't know the f***ing name of this game! There is no way i would know about this which is basically one of the greatest games that's ever... Can we just break it down for people who have never played bogeys? Because they're missing out on... Especially our international listeners. They're missing out on one of the basic things.. The whole point is all.... It's very very simple like the best games are all you have to do is say the word Bogies. And there has to be at least two of you, you take it in turns and every time someone says it, it has to be just a little bit louder Now, where you start is up to you. But just a little bit louder and a little bit louder and a little bit louder! And when you're out in a restaurant or something like that it can be wonderfully, wonderfully, toe-curlingly embarrassing I love it. Yeah so Dick & Dom are two kids TV channel hosts So I set this guy because one of his things was we started working together he goes people just don't hear me

11:30 I'm like, OK. I get that. And I understand it you know and he says well you've got to work on it You gotta be a bit more assertive. He said speak louder. So then I met him face-to-face the first time and told everybody because this is good to keep everything out in the open right? And was like did you go and play? So I sent him the video if you can look on YouTube for Bogie Game Dick & Dom. I send it to him and say right go out with your boys and play this! I want you to get chucked out of places I'd like to think is a little bit

12:05 A little bit more, I don't know fun shall we say. Yeah yeah yeah! I don't think i'm going to see you saying your mission is to go out and get in a fight no no let's just shout bogus at the top of our lungs. I think that's genuinely a much better suggestion. Although funnily enough I have found that the more um you know no surprise the more outrageous I am with my comments or posts the more interest I get so There's a method to... I was going to stray off wildly into topic there but not gonna do that. All right, you're wearing a mask! No, no, oh boy, hold those horses we'll save that for another show Anyway listen what we're 12 minutes in right? A single dad Christmas the Glenn how many kids have you got Glenn

12:54 I heard the last count four. I'll say the last count because that is going to be the last one. I've got two kids and my stepson as well, though i don't really see him at all anymore so I've been a step child. I had a step-mom after my mum died when I was a kid and then I had my sister...I don't call her my half sister but technically she's she is but she was my dad's first wife. Her mom's my dad's first wife So in this sort of Christmas and single dad subject, which we're just teeing up here. I've got a half sister...I hate saying that so now I never say it but just for the benefit of the show right? So she's my sister different mom there you go thats a nicer way of saying it right? And then I've got my little brother who sadly chucked himself in front of a train he was from my Dads

13:46 Third wife after my mom died so I got a little brother as well and then i had a step mum, then my dad and her got divorced. And um...and then when I met my now ex-wife she had a son as well so I got a six year old into the package before my two were born And then we got divorced when they were five and three. So that's kind of my experience of being both a brother, and a dad, and step parent, and a step child, and that whole kinda stuff...and then my divorce the breakup came in 2015 and all the Christmases have passed since then

14:24 Christmas is always a big thing in my family and for good reasons. My mum loved it, her whole family and traditions go back into having Christmas be a very positive Family focused fun event. And then my family in Chicago who we're very close to actually there on my mum's side and my auntie Gladys married had three kids I think four, one died but three lived on two of the two I know closest married Irish in Chicago like in the 40s and have just had hundreds of kids

15:01 Each family has six kids. Each kid has six kids, they're like just like... I was on my way to St Ives and saw a cousin who had seven kids. Yeah, like when you get an Ewok, no not an Ewok, a gremlin when you get a gremlin wet like that is my family in Chicago! And all awesome all a lot of fun so point being Christmas is a you know it's a fun thing but I'm aware people don't always view Christmas as a positive thing. And I made an episode about this, which is up on the podcast now Episode 4 of Season 5 was all about it's called How Not To Have A Bad Dad Christmas It was going to be how not to have a shit Christmas probably better name but in reference to your previous point about swearing on things they're not like they're not that cool and put in swear words in the title of things. Yeah you don't want them near the shit-mas Christma

15:59 Glenn keeps freezing, which is a real pain in the arse. Keep freezing! I don't know if it's me or you but... Almost certainly me. Oh okay right yeah. One of the things on my list to upgrade is everything. Okay other than the TV. So Glenn tell me about your army of kids and what Christmas means to you? Well, in words of Hanson is what Christmas means to me. My love I got four of them two and two but mine are a bit older than yours or most of them anyway i've got a 20 year old now 20 Jonnie she's 20 years old! I remember stuff I was doing when I was 20. I also have an 18 year old son which is mad he actually yeah a week or two ago I was so I was doing some DIY double blazing the front door

16:49 And he said, Dad while you're waiting for the paint to dry do you fancy going into the pub? Like my boy took me to the pub. I've wiped his arse and i probably will again but he took me for a beer it was so nice um and then i've got a 14 year old and 11 year old now the older two they live with me pretty much full time uh younger two are 50-50 so it means that i see a lot of them Which is wonderful and I wouldn't have it, well i would have any other way. I'd have them all full time but that's uh yeah they should definitely have their mum in their life! It's right and we split Christmases

17:26 I was really clear from the early days, actually just as an aside Jonnie. Today literally today is the seven year anniversary of my divorce so um i've been single for nearly eight years now this is my eighth no my seventh christmas by myself Um, and is that breakup day or divorce? That was divorce day. Yeah. Breakup Day was in January at some point. And I'll actually come on to that in a minute because there's some sort of emotionally stuff in there which might relate... Some people might relate to it but yeah from the very start I always was very clear I need to see my kids on Christmas

18:07 That was a non-negotiable. I'm lucky enough, and unfortunately...I'll never going to undervalue this! Unfortunate enough that there wasn't any negotiation or I was lucky enough that my ex wife just said yes to all of my suggestions, my demands so i said i need to see my kids every christmas there's no two ways about that i think they should be seeing both parents on christmas um so the way we do it is we split We split them the day itself. One of us will have the kids on Christmas Eve through till after Christmas lunch, then they go to the other parent's house and that parent who has them- who misses Christmas Eve gets them for New Year's Eve so you get one or all the other every year

18:54 Now my ex, she's very much like she doesn't really care too much. She was like oh okay this year and for a couple of years she said well I can't be bothered to do Christmas lunch so why don't you just have that for Christmas? And i'm very clear no that's not the deal! The kids need consistency so Christmas morning, Christmas lunch and then the swap goes. And this year is my year to have them after Christmas lunch so I get to eat whatever the fuck I want for Christmas lunch and not worry about it in any way shape or form. That works quite well! So yeah i plan to uh... Yeah have a very enjoyable morning then they come home later in the day about three four o'clock and uh.. Then the real fun begins

19:35 And that's the reasons why that's interesting and good, right? Is because it is not the same as I think. Right and I have been on record on videos on other things going do not split Christmas Day in two! It's no good for anybody! Lay-by you know tears in lay-bys flipping You know, the people in the morning are desperately fearing the afternoon where they're going to be gone and the people in the afternoon are hanging on. The morning's crap because nothing starts until the kids get there so like it's good that you've got a version of that is completely different than this thing that's in my brain and it's not totally made up there's an element

20:17 Christmas Day lay-by handovers with my sister and stuff. Oh yeah, I was never going to do that! And I'll be honest it took a while for it to normalise the first year I didn't have my kids for the morning for Christmas waking up with them I'm not going to lie to you. I just sat in a bath with a bottle of wine and cried the entire, it was horrible! I hated it, hated it dearly and the only thing that kind of got me through was knowing I'm gonna see him this afternoon. I'm gonna see them, like get to see them. And it gave me a light at the end of the tunnel that wasn't a train that was coming towards me something to look forward to um and it really meant that no matter what

20:59 I'd be able to enjoy Christmas Day with my kids, which is ridiculous because it's just a day right? It's just another day in the year. It just happens to be one that we all put a bit of value on so um the meaning attached to it is almost meaningless but that makes it every bit as special because we all say this is when we're going to spend time with our family and that's what I wanted yeah And kudos to you both that was okay and also kudos to my ex as well because when I said to her, i'm not doing handovers on Christmas Day. Like enjoy the Christmas absolutely enjoy it and by the way in case I've missed a bit though I run out of power so cut out I've gone from fixed line to Wi-Fi but

21:42 You know, I think we're both lucky in that respect. The Rx is...I mean don't get me wrong anybody wants to go back and listen to some of the other stuff or read some of the things it's around. Don't shy away from telling my story! It was gruesome you know four years of family court and shit like that but but you know to where we are today 7th October 2015 was our breakup So 9 Christmas has been my ninth Christmas And interestingly, Christmas for her family wasn't so great. Yeah? In what way? Well one of the first Christmases she spent with us at the end of the day she was like quite emotional with joy going this is the best Christmas I've ever had! I've never had a Christmas where people didn't row and cry and... Like the clampits you know like... That's kind of a low bar

22:39 It's a low bar, it is a low bar. But also but it's interesting to bring that up because it's not a personal thing about her and her family but it is interesting that that is actually quite a common thing for families...that Christmas ends up being full of tension and full of angst or there's some kind of bullshit you know Bloke sits around doing naffle, woman goes and buys all the shopping, buys all the food cooks all of the food needs to sit there with a bit of beer waiting for his turkey. And then falls asleep like he's got some right to be tired! Fair doozy may have been a word but then we're not talking about in the 1940s. No, no, no, fair you put the fucking effort in at Christmas, you step up and get it done. Christmas is not about us let's be honest We get loads out of it but as soon as your parent Christmas is about their kids and that's the only thing that needs to matter And if that means you are little bit more tired than you normally be man the fuck up

23:41 No, I agree. I agree and flipping that ties straight into the High Valley Man Project stuff is manage yourself get enough sleep be healthy eat right like don't like... That's another whole subject in itself really but yeah so it was good for me that when i said you know every we'll split Christmas and New Year we'll rotate it she just said yes! And curiously for my kids that's normal now Oh yeah, whatever you make normal is normal. So I know that my ex regularly tries to change the arrangements, change the times, change the date everything about the kind of Christmassy thing but as far as my kids know from the start for us normally is you wake up at one house, open your presents have your lunch and then go to the other house and you have the evening entertainment and all that sort of stuff That's normal for us so I'm not saying it right but as soon as you establish it whatever that thing is

24:36 Stick to it because kids love consistency as far as I know. That's the thing they value the most when their rest of that world is constantly changing, give them a little bit of consistency at an emotional time. Yeah yeah and for me for my kids like they get two Christmases this is the cool thing about like literally Christmas day with if it's not our Christmas we recreate it! Father Christmas, I didn't say oh he's gonna come twice. I didn't do that right but you know said like okay Well, he's not gonna come twice But we'll make out like he's coming so we get the whole experience done it all woke up cookies You know good, you know and and the presents are there And then we have lunch them to more presence in so for my kids is like normalizing it and having it be having it be Something to look forward to like two Christmases absolutely brilliant what

25:29 What was it you alluded a moment ago to the first Christmas and there'll be men out there right this is their first Christmas. Hard, it was so emotionally hard in every way shape or form yeah and did you I'm kind of leading questions here right but did you have that sense Like, it's done. There is never going to be okay again like this is awful and its never getting better were you in a real despairing kind of place like that? I don't know about that! I was in a place where I was like... It is never gonna be the same. And because it's difficult to focus on the good things when you're still in a mindset of looking at the things you've lost

26:14 And if all I was doing in the early stages was thinking, not normally. Normally and I'm putting air quotes around this normally we'd be doing this at this point normally would be doing that at that point because that's what all these years of normality had given to me And so it was just, it took a couple of Christmases to shift my thinking. It genuinely took me years there's no two ways about time is the only thing that did it but it took a couple of Christmases to shift my thinking from what was normal post divorce, pre-divorce. That was how things were then so actually going forward this is the new normal and it was horrible that point but going from one to another that grinds there really really is a rough time period there's no way around it. Exactly that you know when working with men who are going through divorce explaining to them what what the grieving process

27:12 It's a real thing, it's a process called grieving and it's a mixture of highs and lows confusion an anger. And you can jump from one emotion to another just as you think your coming out of it You get something like Christmas comes along and reminds you all the things that you've lost and suddenly your angry and upset and confused and depressed and like fuck it, go party then wake up miserable again You know, I dare say women as well but you know you're going through this and it's like when is it ever gonna end? And actually to be told no just chill out. It's like it's actually a process called grieving process and as you work your way through it these times get less frequent they're more consistent you're able to manage them better and it can really reassure people

27:57 Also, I'm not like...I'm not stuck like this. They're not going to be miserable forever! Like there is it feels like a bit of a kick in the nuts when someone goes oh don't worry mate i'lll be alright in a couple years time. Like it feels like NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!! You don't understand!!! Yeah, we're all different right? It's really rough because it takes so much time to establish what those new normals are and to go from... you said something really interesting there about all the things I've lost. Absolutely a hundred percent! There's no two ways about it. You have lost what you had before but it just takes a couple of years to find those things you have gained

28:34 The things that are different, the things that I'm not saying better but create a new normal and new good part of Christmas. Now for me like they always split my 50-50 so some years I'll have the kids Christmas morning they wake up at home they will open their presents we'll have Christmas dinner it all be lovely and fun and normal then they fuck off to their mums And in the first year that happened, horrible. Hated it! Empty house and you're just sat there with wrapping paper all around. A stupid red song just, oh help! Now when they go off to their mum's... You know what was brilliant? I then get to plan my afternoon and evening. I get to go round friends' houses, family houses

29:19 I'm I can have a Buck's Fizz. I can chill, relax. I don't have to wake up at seven o'clock. Every minute before seven o'clock they come downstairs and lose their present! So they've been trained really early. You do not do anything before 7am.

29:58 I don't have to wake up early on a Christmas morning. Now, it can be up as late as I want on Christmas Eve wrapping presents watching Die Hard drinking as much brandy as humanly possible. Wake up at 9 10 11 am on Christmas Day chill relax have a nice relaxing morning get myself ready go pick up the kids life is good But there's no way of me saying, this is great that I would have personally believed seven years ago. Exactly yeah. Because it wasn't normal it wasn't right it was like oh all I'm thinking about is what if I lost and it takes time to realize actually what have I gained? Yeah yeah and there's a couple different things I've created

30:44 In the High Value Man works, since we were last doing a podcast. One is this real interesting bit of work around the rational and the emotional mind and where we really fuck with ourselves is when we mix those two minds up because like the rational mind What? I can get pissed at my mates the night before, wake up have a chilled out morning. If you know if we've got someone there with me we can have a nice morning together like remember Bucksfeet like brilliant and then the kids come around lunchtime maybe in the afternoon oh well that sounds good yeah okay that's the rational brain going like okay yes when you think of it like that that's really really sensible then the emotional brain comes along goes but what about waking up without the kids like you know

31:28 And you suddenly say, I'm never going to be the same dad. I was before and like what are they gonna grow up like without having this wholesome family experience that I promised myself? I would give them like... That's the emotional side of the whole thing kicking with it now actually if you can look at that emotional side separate from the rational You could just let it have its mini drama and upset and rolling around on the floor in tears Pick that inner version of yourself up and pat them on the shoulder and give them a hug. And be like, yeah I know you're upset but it's going to be alright The rational side if you just explain the whole thing to me in really clear terms right? That's a powerful concept to help men get through this because you're like okay well we are gonna be upset about something i can't change that's ridiculous am I gonna make the most... Am I gonna make the most of this and find the best way? I talk about it like when the kids are with you be 100% dad

32:20 And when the kids are not with you, be unapologetically outright flipping 100 mile an hour 100% for you in a twisted way. I've got mates who say to me it's all right for you don't have your kids all the time! They don't mean that like they don't want their kids there but think about it Glenn There is a period of your week where you don't have dad duties, where you literally can just get on with work or well. You can have us align or you can do the housework. I both absolutely fundamentally agree with them. I love my life. I love the fact that when I'm a dad, I'm 100% Dad when I'm not at that

33:05 God, this sounds like a fucking t-shirt. When I'm with dad or my dad when I'm not on the lab and it's one that I can just go out and enjoy myself and live the life that most married men people in relationships of whatever they would love to have going out when I want drinking what I wanna eat in while I wanna sleep at one working on all those things however also you can hold two things that are both too diametrically opposed. You didn't choose it but is what you've got That's what I've got. So, I can hold that truth in my hand whilst also holding in my hand...I want to be a hundred percent dad all the time whilst also loving all those moments that I'm not a dad it's yeah it's that best of I know what it's like to be 100% Dad and at that time I would have loved to be able to pop in some non-dad time now I get that and that is something that I'm never gonna not treasure! I love my kids but

34:04 I will always, always enjoy the fact that now i have a bit of freedom that would never have happened in any relationship before. Yeah and it's not an either or right because there is no choice we've got but it is a reframe for people when im talking to them about like oh how am i going to get through this? You gotta reframe it You got what you got and here's a really nice reframe of that, that makes it like flipping brilliant. Now of course there is a whole slice of this of the dads who want to see their kids and aren't seeing their kids and its a complete mess right? I don't have massive words of encouragement for that because its not something they can fix, its something they are stuck with, its something they didn't want or ask for, they probably fought for something else

34:52 But one of my standard phrases, and I'm not even beginning to claim that this is an old adage. Control what you can control influence what you can't control and accept what you can't influence so i was lucky enough to have a lot of control in my breakup So I control all the things i can control. There were parts of that where absolutely couldn't control it, they were her actions and decisions so i tried to influence those as much as i could and over time and it just takes time, I learned who accept im not gonna be able to either control this thing or influences things so all i can do is accept it and make most of the situation i've got

35:35 And as soon as I did that, I was like okay. I'm pissed off about this thing that's happening can't control it no kind of influence in any way shape or form maybe do those things if not know other than that hands up how can i make the most of whatever this shit sandwiches and try to make the most of what my life is yeah you just flipping summed it up there Glenn beautifully um there's no point for getting upset about things that you can't change and whilst But Jonnie, is there a thing in there where a lot of men think because you know these are high value men these are people who used to working hard they think they can either control or influence everything.

36:21 Oh yeah, I mean that's another whole subject in itself right. And that's where men get burnt out through the amount they're working it's where they damage relationships because they're not giving enough they're not committing a right to time They are not aware of how their showing up That is not high value and you know the name in itself can Let people make presumptions about what it actually means. But where I came up with high value, and you can find different things online people talk about in different ways but for me there's a low-value life which is full of upset stress fatigue poor health money problems arguments with people.

37:09 I'm I'm He's stable, he is not stressing about that. He is not bringing money worries into the rest of his life. Then there are relationships...

38:12 He's controlling those things he can control. Yeah, exactly! You can control your incoming and your outgoings you can control the way you access your own health and the way you access your own mental health now that you can't control all of your relationships but you can influence those. You can influence how you talk to people how you present yourself to people and how those things interact and engage And then there's a whole bunch of things you can't control. But if you're controlling yourself, then you influence the people around you and accept the rest all of a sudden, yeah happy because you've done everything you can do and that's that's all we want to feel what we've done or weekend. Yeah not trying to change what you can't change

38:59 That eats men up, thinking I've got to save this person and I've got to change that person. And I gotta fix this person and you're like don't even realize that your holding if he drew a picture of it. This is get people to do this. Like we drew a picture for all the people you are kind of like supporting because a literal thing like you look at wall. Yeah exactly So for single dads looking at their Christmas like this, right? To fall to pieces right now would be an unnecessary waste. And that's hard for some men to hear when they're facing Christmas without their kids there in a family court situation or they've lost a family court situation. I mean

39:42 I like to be positive about the way that family courts are changing and getting better. And when i hear a couple of good ones, I'm like great yes! And then I hear three bad ones and I'm like oh man seriously? Which is another thing we're going to do... We'll dig into that in another episode but it's you know in terms of Christmas if you sat there being Woe is me and like having the flipping no one else there and eating a Tesco's ready meal. And, drinking yourself into in the ground that you know what if it's your first Christmas that might actually be alright That might actually be cathartic It might actually be what you do for that first Christmas If its' the third one and all of a sudden that's whats becoming your Christmas routine then I'm gonna say No! That ends this year. You're creating a new norm and its mad

40:35 How many times over the past couple of years when I've mentioned, oh yeah. I haven't got the kids Christmas morning or I haven't got the kids Christmas evening you mention it to one or two people and all of a sudden not offers of sympathy but genuine mate excellent come round out come around we'll do this would do this would will spend Christmas together You ask, it's shocking how strong a network can be and the gift you're giving to someone else to spend time with them. Yeah it's amazing! And its not weird. People get the idea oh that'll be weird I'll be in for...I'll be like putting up on...it's not.

41:14 You know, with some beers. Yeah you turn up with some beers and a 12 pack of candle coke for the kids and you know in a box of Quality Street or Heroes or whatever and you're just there! It's like it literally other than the birth of Christ and that part of Christmas is the essence of people turning up and sharing and being loving and generosity So I want people to get into their heads that somewhere in then in their community, somewhere in their family, somewhere in their network of friends. Somewhere where if they put their hand up and say is there any chance I could come and hang out with someone on Christmas Day? Someone's going to say yes. Fuck it! Come round my house. I've got plenty of seats. A great TV. The other thing is again everyone sits there thinking oh I'm not doing this, I'm not seeing my kids, I'm not doing these things

42:09 But they forget, like you said this means you get second Christmas. You're a Christmas fucking hobbit! That's what you are I'll get the second Christmas. I get two Christmas days I get to do whatever i want on christmas day with friends family or by myself in a bar for eating a pie and drinking a bottle of wine whatever but then my kids have got one christmas where they're at They get a second fucking Christmas, a second Christmas day where they get more presents and more fun and gets to hang out on it. And experience that high twice as fucking priceless. Exactly. I don't know. I'm not slayed. I don't think we should have Christmas every day, but at least you know, we should agree that twice that's absolutely fine. Yeah yeah. And you know just kind of sort

42:59 Complete the range of things that people are going through. There will be dads who listen to this again, yeah but I never see...I'm not gonna..I can't like it's been....I'm not being allowed to. A couple of stories One guy recently, his daughter they've not really seen much of each other for about five years and the frost has thawed. Like the relationship is being rebuilt and another guy hadn't seen his kids really since since his daughter's since she was about four or five even though they live relatively local he'd come to terms with that you know got his kids from other relationships but

43:41 And this is, I'm kind of paraphrasing the story but this part of it is actually what happened. He was in a pub having lunch not this summer gone but last summer and this girl walked up to him who he kind of instantly recognised like oh yeah, like yeah, look I know who you are! Hi, I think you're my dad? Yeah I think...and since that time they have been building their relationship connecting with her sisters half-sisters whatever you want to call them and what might have seemed and the reason I'm sharing this is whether You know, whether your kids are little like mine were five and three when we divorced so it was really like we've got a lot of Christmas's that we're going to miss out on here. Other dads they get in divorce and their kids are in there teenage years the time

44:27 Glenn's light has just gone out, I think he is dying. Just as i mentioned time the grim reaper came in. I didn't wiggle my mouse or my monitors all just went into it. But what my message is like hang in there You know, I know. First of all make sure that you're not spending every Christmas on your own because it's just pointless but i know that other dads will do things like they'll buy presents and don't have a whole room dedicated to presents but there's a box and they put a card in there and there's like an ongoing diary... There's like a level at which when the kid asks yeah but where were you dad? He's like I was here! I just wasn't able to see you and so

45:11 It sounds a bit twisted but you know if you can get your head around it and have it be that I'm committing to a future where we're back together. And this gets into sort of manifestation and quantum physics, and the energy that we're putting out in the universe. But if you're like oh we do we never gonna see each other life is over yeah it's going to be toxic its gonna eat you up it's gonna prevent that from some kind of happening If who you are is I'm still dad my kids out there and they're coming into my life then your creating the space for that to happen maybe it's gonna be when their 1718 like those two examples i just gave but

45:49 You've still got some kind of 40 to 50 years probably, to have that relationship with those children. To have that relationship with those grandchildren and as twisted as this sounds if the breakup was really gruesome if there's some level of you're being prevented from seeing your kids and it's completely out of order and let's just say It's on the mum or whatever she is doing somewhere down the line that is going backfire There's going to be a moment where there was, a moment of truth let's call it. Was that yeah but I thought you said he was an arsehole or yeah but i thought you said he didn't want to see me and so it doesn't make Christmas Day when you haven't got them like oh brilliant! Yeah it'll be fine when they're 18... But some level of everything that you're managing like Glenn said you know things that you can control can influence or you know can't do anything about

46:43 It's what you're going to do to get your head around the subject and keep moving forward. And also, Jonnie, I've got a big thing about appreciating every little bit that you've got even if it's one tiny little thing and i say that because uh yeah my as people who listened in back in the day know i've got a fairly big family i'm one of seven Each one of us has got loads kids and that sort of stuff. Normally we get together every Christmas day, the tradition was either with kids when I've got them or without kids when i haven't We go around someone's house usually my sisters and we drink, we play games and all that sort of stuff

47:27 Last year or so, that's not happened. I'm not really chatty about it Jonnie but my old man has got terminal cancer he's got lung cancer, kidney removal all sorts of shit and odds are he is not going to see many more Christmases. They've not really, they stopped talking to me. Like after the operations and various bits and pieces I still message or about a couple of calls over the last couple of months but generally speaking it's all one-way traffic i'll reach out to him won't get much back um i probably won't see him this year i don't know why just i probably won't now i could sit here wallowing in grief thinking you know what this is probably his last christmas might have one more after this but that could be it

48:17 Or I could sit here and say, and reminisce about... Fuck do you remember that Christmas when uh i nearly made him wet himself by talking about the time my brother um bought had two pounds to spend in Hungary and realized he could buy seven watermelons. So you have eight-year-old walking down the street trying to carry seven watermelons! And at the moment it was just a funny story and we chatted and we laughed I could either be upset about all the things that are in the future that i'm gonna miss and not have, or I could say well I can't control the future. That's done! All I can do is enjoy what I've got and what I had and look at the positives and not negatives. And I know maybe I've been accused of toxic positivity in the past but I'd much rather live in a positive world than a negative one

49:09 The accusation I faced was, you and your bullshit positive attitude. Yeah usually one negative person's. Exactly! You and your bullshit positive attitude says the insanely negative person, the chronically negative person Yeah, it's... you know the message from this episode of how to get through Christmas as a single dad or how to enjoy Christmas as a divorced dad. There is no magic wand right? But the bit that you have control over can be magic

49:48 Make a plan. Take control of the things you can control if you can't control senior kids, what can you control? You can control yourself and you can say this is what I'm going to do. I'm gonna wake up. I'm gonna do these things but you know what Jonnie, I fucking hate turkey my ex-wife used to insist on turkey i tried everything i tried brining it i tried slow cooking i tried this i used to wake up at various points in the night to baste the bastard And when we divorced, I was like you know what? I never have to fucking cook turkey again. I haven't cooked turkey in seven years Jonnie! You know what i had last year a full English breakfast. As you know last year I had goose the year before a tomahawk steak the year before that was pork and the year before that was a full english breakfast like I mean proper with pigs in blankets I'm not a monster yeah come on

50:43 But it was a thing that I knew, or could control that was different. Like I say right? I'm going to fuck off those old traditions they're useless to me! I can control this bit and that will bring me joy now what other bit of my time can i control that will bring me joy what other bit can influence that'll bring me joy do those little things and all of us suddenly start adding up to a bloody good Christmas. Yeah totally and I tell you one thing I just remembered um a mate of mine Last Christmas he went and helped out at a soup kitchen. In fact, he ended up cooking because they were like right thanks volunteers anyone cook? Basically He was the only one who put his hand up Oh brilliant Well you can do it all then but he was there most of the day and there was like an army of people You know those like a whole gang of them like 15 20 people They were there in the morning basically

51:34 Like, as an example there of going out and putting yourself amongst other people. And in that example actually doing things for other people one of the... if you're down on your ass one of the greatest ways to feel good is to go do something for other people That sort of thing will never go out of style. It's something that most people wouldn't do if they're in a relationship because, oh I've got to spend time with my other half and this is something that you would actually get so much out of and for me either from an altruistic point of view or you're going to help people you're going to make a real difference to people's lives or from a selfish personal like just horrible point of view which i love of... You know what? it could be a lot fucking worse

52:17 That is just so life affirming to realize, life might not be exactly what you hoped it would be. But by God it could be a lot worse than it is. Yeah and I think that's a beautiful way to kind of round this off right? And my version of that is... You decide when rock bottom, you know, you decide what the baseline is if you're like whoa this is shit! Do you know This is the lowest it's ever going to be. Like this is I'm drawing the line here, like for this is where we build from everything from this point like is gonna be mega actually start right? Okay well what does Christmas look like next year? Right looks like this okay great you now got 364 days to actually make it turn out to be that way and that is really grabbing life by the bollocks and having some fun with it as literally a line I keep using recently

53:10 Is it you know, just about this idea that we've been given this miracle of a ride on a rock in the universe. And if you find out how big I know, because your you just know everything about all these random things right so i'm going to talk about it like like like I think I know loads and then yours is gonna come in and top trumps me with load of proper info weird literally a speck Dust on a speck of dust in the universe. That's how small and insignificant we are, and yet here we are with this like on a computer with Wi-Fi and like looking at all these devices and like... And we're just like specs on specs inside the universe

53:51 So before everybody gets too significant about all this, literally like wow it's a miracle. We got 80 years to have a laugh? Okay great there is going to be some ups and downs I'm in one of the down periods right now good well if i am in this universe that full of energy and creates like it does then I can pretty certain for every down there is an up coming Great! How big how awesome how cool am I gonna make that up And mate, you're saying about the time we're on this planet. You know in 13 and a half billion years you've got this tiny penny sliver where get 4 000 weeks of life. I knew you'd pull something like that out! 80 Christmases that's all it is and odds are if you were a single dad you probably lived 20 30 40 of those maybe even more

54:40 You've not got that many left. Do you really want to spend the rest of those few, you got 40 days? Even if you lived at the average age of 80 or so... Yeah If your foot halfway through that, you get forty more days now than last five or ten years. Probably be pissing in your pants and asking can I, what the fuck's going on? Where's my present? You don't give a shit. So you've got 30 Christmases, that's a month worth of Christmases! You've got one month of a day where everyone Is geared up to try and be happy. Are you going to waste that month by being sad about the things? And pissed, not sad, pissed off angry about the things that are completely out of your control. Resentful, frustrated, resigned despair... I've got a list of low value words right there in there blaming, frustrated resentful despairing hopelessness like it's not fair and all that stuff

55:38 One month of your life. One month, not just of your life but one month in 13 and a half billion years so far! 30 days! Make the most of them man. They're good. So if you've enjoyed this then Make sure you subscribe if you're listening, Spotify iTunes and I not call it iTunes. Not flipping like 10 years ago Apple podcast so you can leave us a review on there if you're watching on the tube Or any of the other socials, then make sure you like share this with other dads in your world and in particular follow connect up with me. And we'll make sure that we get all the upcoming episodes of The Jonnie Jensen Show and most importantly if you're interested in getting involved in a high value man project then probably best way to go do that right now is going to High Value Man Project

56:33 .com forward slash group and I'll just get you into the complimentary group and start to give access to some of the tools we've got a thing in there called the single dad rebuild which is a few complimentary things in there than there's an on demand course and places a whole. I genuinely cannot wait. I've just bought a new cocktail making machine that I need to know what your favourite cocktail is so i can get some of the little pods in for it! What's your favourite cocktail Jonnie?

57:23 Tricky one. I do quite like a Sex on the Beach, it's bit strong but i do quite like that What are they called? My family in America are big on making whiskey sours They love...they make these big vats of whisky sour basically If its summer, must admit I love a mojito It's not summer is it? I'm gonna see you New Years so...I know Its the winter Yeah so there probably a...well Joe will be with me My girlfriend's fucking awesome. She, she's all fitness and health and stuff but she's also an animal. Give her half a chance and she'll be like where's Joe? She's in the kitchen lining up 52 shots basically!

58:11 I've got this little glass that you can make six baby Guinnesses at once. It's one giant glass and then you put a thing in the middle and it pours into six shot glasses so... Oh Joe is going to be all over that, all over that! Brilliant. So listen guys thank you so much for tuning in. Be sure to tune in to basically weekly episodes are coming out and you can be sure to look out for some upcoming episodes of whatever the wrap up point 2, wrap-up 2.0 looks like. Glenn? Happy Christmas, mate. Looking forward to it Jonnie! Happy Christmas to you and I'm looking forward