Nick Forgham #4 - entrepreneur, 5th dan karate expert, leadership motivator and Dad

00:00 On today's Team Super Dad podcast, I speak to Nick Forgham fifth Dan Black Belt in Karate, author of Black Belt Thinking and the creator of the Black Belt Confidence Program. It's a cracker roll theme. Welcome to Team Super Dad. Real dads creating their best lives ever. More time, more money, more fun. You are not alone. You're on Team Super Dad. Hey, welcome to the Team Super Dad podcast. On today's episode, it's another interview. And this dad is a black belt.

00:44 So you don't want to mess with Nick in, I don't know, a classic bar brawl or something like that or wherever you might do your fighting. But Nick has a rich and varied career. He's been married twice. He's got stepchildren. He's got his own children. He's been successful in pretty much all his adventures and ventures. And it really is a great story of not just his life, but as his role model in the community, a husband, a dad, and a teacher, a karate teacher. If you are a single dad and you're listening to this for the first time, then welcome to the Team Super Dad community and podcast.

01:26 This is also the home of the rebuild program. Dads coming out of divorce, separation or loss often find themselves really wondering exactly what the hell they can do to put their life back on track. It's not the end. It's just the start of a great future. We have a Facebook community over on Facebook called Team Super Dad. Not surprisingly, that's facebook.com forward slash groups forward slash team superdad. If you want to chat to me about the rebuild program, it's a five-week program. It gives you everything you need to kickstart your life and create your best life ever. Too many dads don't pull themselves around from this. But really, once you hit that point of wondering, okay, what comes next?

02:08 How am I going to put this back together? How do I feel great about myself, create a lot of fun with my children, have the social life that I want, find a home, find love, find fun. It's not the end, it's just the beginning. So teamsuperdad.com forward slash rebuild call and you can chat to me about exactly what that looks like and how you can get on the five-week program. There's also the HQ, which is the Team Superdad HQ, which is our monthly coaching inner circle group with expert coaches in the five in the six areas of Team Superdad. That's health, wealth, fitness, personal power, faith, and happiness.

02:49 I can't wait to chat to more of you dads. But most importantly, please share and like this podcast for share and like our Facebook page. The more we can grow this community, then the more people we can impact. And not only that, but the more fun we can have creating our best life ever. As soon as we get some iTunes reviews, then we will be doing iTunes review of the week. So, you know, if you're going to be that first person, then so long as it's a positive review, then I look forward to reading that out. I've been listening back to the other podcast. Possibly you could say I waffled on a little bit. So bear with me. Excuse me.

03:27 I speak from the heart. I speak about things that have happened to me, things that I've done, positive and negative, things that I've learned from, people that I come into contact with. And so, yeah, I want this to be fun. I want it to be something that you can put on in the kitchen whilst you're cooking, in the car whilst you're driving, really any time when you've, I don't know, more than anything, I don't want you to be alone. You know, like I said, you are not alone. You're on Team Super Dad. And so without further ado, let's crack on with this interview. Let's hear what Nick has to say. If you've got any questions, then bring them over to the Facebook group. There's loads of like-minded dads in there.

04:07 And of course, the Monday night hangout, everybody's welcome. Just come over to the Zoom call. The details are on the Facebook page. But it's Monday nights on Zoom. And you can come in there, have a laugh, have some banter, take the mick out of some other dads, and also share a problem if you've got one. I'll stop waffling on. Let's roll the interview. Enjoy. Good morning. Welcome to the Team Super Dad podcast. Today's guest is someone I've been introduced to recently. And that is the magic of the Team Super Dad community. You get introduced by people you know to other awesome people in the world.

04:47 And today's guest is no exception. It's Nick Forgham and he is here in the UK with me. He is an author of a book all around. around using ninja skills in your life and has a course along the same lines as well. And I will do him a disservice by trying to explain it myself. So I'll let Nick, you do that. But it's great to have you on the podcast today, Nick. Good morning. Pleasure, yeah. Good morning. Yeah. Why don't you introduce yourself a moment and tell us a little bit about, you know, just basically, you know, your age and your family situation, just as a summary to kick us off.

05:26 I didn't know you're going to get that personal, Johnny. Well, no, no, you're right. We can see how we both are from our hairlines. Yeah, let's not talk about our hair. Okay, so I'm 57. I live in Reading. If people are in the UK, that's sort of on the Heathrow flight path. It's about 30 miles west of London. I got divorced 14 years ago when my two daughters were 11 and 9 and moved in two or three years later with my girlfriend. And two years ago, we got married.

06:05 So that's all worked out really well. And I sure will be talking more about my relationship with my daughters and also with her two children who are also currently 25 and 23, as are my two daughters. Right, so you're a dad and a stepdad. I'm an unofficial stepdad as well as a dad, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I think, well, we can touch on that. The experience of being a stepdad myself is I've been a stepson and I've been a stepdad. And I think that it's, you know, when you start chatting to people who've been in that, who've experienced that, then there's a lot of relatedness. But outside of that, you know, it's not really a subject that gets spoken about that much.

06:46 And there are times when it's challenging. It's a role that is so loosely defined. And in different relationships, it can be way more significantly involved in other situations. And I think for dads, just getting into that, that can be a worry for some dads. So we'll definitely touch on that. Nick, I know from our conversation when we were chatting and getting introduced to each other, you've had quite a varied career across business, your own business, and now your work in personal development and stuff.

07:26 Tell us a little bit about that journey through your career. Yeah, well, I think quite a while ago, I reached the point where I was definitely unemployable. But in some ways, I did the conventional stuff. So university, then working for two or three big companies, got fed up of corporate life, went to a small company, got made redundant. This is back in the, I think it was the late 80s. And since then, I've pretty much done my own stuff. So I've done a variety of things, complementary health. I learned NNLP, which if you're not familiar with neuro-linguistic programming, it's an insight into how the mind works. I use that to do some sales training. I've been a sales trainer.

08:11 I've been a stress management consultant. And currently, I have two things I'm doing. I run a networking franchise, a worldwide organization called BNI. I run it in Berkshire and Wilkshire with nearly 400 members. And then the other thing I do is, and we might touch on this, but at school, which was now many years ago, but on the way back from school for seven years, I was bullied. And there was something sort of deep within me that at 25, which is now 32 years ago, meant that I started karate.

08:50 And basically, although I had two years off when my first daughter was born, so that's what's that, 30 years. So for 30 years, I've been doing and/or teaching karate for one, two, three times a week. So what I've realized is that there's a way in which black belts think. So my book and my course are all about the mindset of a black belt. Yeah, cool. And I saw there's a couple of chapters you've shared on your website, which I read through. And it's, you know, such clear lessons, clear encouragement, you know, and it's not necessarily unique to

09:35 karate, but it's always nice when that information is applied in such a way. And especially for dads, you can say, all right, okay, well, that's, I get that. That's really practical and I can relate to that. And, you know, some people don't necessarily warm to the idea of, oh, we're going to go counselling or we're going to go on a personal development course. But so, when the context, like you framed it, in there's references to Bruce Lee and things like that, I think it can get very masculine, and that can be a real way to break through some people's barriers and preconceptions and stuff. So, I, you know, in those chapters, you shared some really powerful guidance in there, which I'm sure all dads could gain from, let alone dads that have been through divorce, separation, or loss.

10:19 So, 14 years ago, you got divorced. So, that was after you had decided to change your career, yeah? Oh, yeah, I was doing my own stuff by then. I did some internet stuff in the very early days. I imported stuff from Egypt and sold it into museum gift shops around the country. I was doing all sorts of stuff. Yeah. So, just about that sort of career change, because a lot of dads go through or are going through that thinking process. They're reflecting on their job. They're feeling that they've got to, you know, it's a double-edged flipping sword, basically. On the one hand, they need to make more money, and on the other hand, they want to find a way to have more time

11:02 and flexibility so they can be with their kids. We can touch on all those points, but just around the thoughts of changing your career, how do you know, did you, do you, on reflection, did it, did you wallow in it for a little bit? Did it weigh heavy on your mind thinking, I've got to get out of this, but I don't know what to do? Or were you able to be quite clear about I've got to change this, and this is how I'm going to go about it? I think my mindset over the years, or even over the decades, has always been pretty consistent, which is that I've always had to enjoy it. So, I've only ever done things that I enjoy. And I mean, sometimes, obviously, you know, from a work perspective, you've got to stick with it, even if times are a bit tough or it's not working out as you thought.

11:47 But I think we owe it to ourselves to be happy. And work is a big part of all our working lives. For those of us who are lucky enough to be working, assuming that we want to be working, and you've got to do things you enjoy. It doesn't mean you have to sort of immediately stop and go and do something else. But you've got to enjoy it. It's got to resonate with you. There's got to be things in there where you think, yeah, you know, and it's okay if that is purely about yourself. It can, of course, also be about the impact that your work has on other people. But whatever it is, you've got to be happy, but you don't have to change straight away. Yeah, I think that's really important.

12:29 I encourage dads to realize that, okay, I feel like I want to change my job. But right now, rather than stress about it, be far more positive to get excited about the inquiry. They're like, well, what would I like to do? What are my interests? What are my passions? Are people making money out of those things? Okay, great. How much money do I need? You know, there's a lot of question marks around this subject. And I know looking back on my career, there were times when I got really frustrated and stuck in, I'm not really enjoying this, but I don't know what to do. And it wasn't until I started down my personal development journey where I actually became much more adept and confident of thinking, okay, what would I like to do and how will I go about that?

13:14 Yeah, yeah. And what are some of the things you would suggest to people about how they tap into those passions or those thoughts of, you know, how can I do more for people? Or, you know, what's the access to what is my best work? Yeah, one thing I want to say actually that was a real eye-openess for me when I qualified doing stress management is that any change is stressful. Getting married to your dream partner is a change. It's stressful. You know, buying your dream house and moving to a different area is change and it's stressful.

13:53 And you can overdo it. And from a karate perspective, if you're faced with two attackers, you don't want to fight both at the same time because it's like sticking both one hand out to the left and one hand out to the right. Nothing's going to happen. Okay. There's no power in those techniques. There's nothing. So it's very much one thing at a time. So in terms of like the career side, if there's stuff going on in the family as well that's outside of the control, then I would almost just say, you know what, my work for the next three months, six months, I'm just going to carry on. In terms of then looking forwards and how am I going to tap into my passions?

14:31 A little bit of it is about introspection, which seems a long word, but it's basically just getting to know yourself. There's a very famous karate quote, and I think it's other things like Sun Tzu in the art of war, but it goes something like this: Know yourself and know the enemy. enemy, and in a thousand battles, you will never be in peril. Now, the first two words of those are absolutely key because it's about knowing yourself. And when you're going through a period of time and a period of challenge and a period of change, it's actually difficult to do those things. So, one of the things that's in my program is just to take some time out and just focus on your breathing.

15:16 And that might seem a bit perhaps to some people a bit sort of spooky, a bit Buddhist, you know, extreme stuff, but actually, it's just taking time out and just being. And your thoughts will naturally come into being. You'd be better placed to actually look outside, kind of looking in. And then, when you, when things do come along and people start to say, oh, you know what, maybe things have settled down with the family, and now actually, you know, I realize that for me right now, my dream job is going to be this, or actually, I need to start a business that's going to do that. But don't overdo it. That would be my biggest single bit of advice on that.

15:58 And is that, you know, that's really insightful, really? Because around a breakup, let alone any other change, a lot of men, of course, it can happen to women in the same circumstance, but everything collapses. Yeah. And that's exactly what you were just saying: is that our focus is on five or six different things: our home, our work, our children, our relationship, our money, and in trying to think about and manage all those things, actually, none of them get handled. Yeah, for me, and my partner now, my wife, it's the same thing. The priority was always the kids. It was always how the kids felt. Yes, I wanted access to them and stuff like that.

16:42 And there were times when, you know, oh, we're just going off on holiday for two weeks. I'm thinking, well, no one's told me. Yeah, there's times like that. You know, it's part of the process. But the priority was always the kids. And one of the things I wanted to say to you today is this whole concept of time. Because in a way, it's easy for me now to look back on how things were 14 years ago because they were pretty bad. You know, when I moved out and I was renting a house that I couldn't afford, when I spent part of Christmas Day, that first Christmas day by myself, and my mother had died in April, my father had been dead for ages.

17:19 I think I might have seen the kids for half an hour on Christmas Day. That was without doubt the worst possible time that I had in all of this. That was awful. But you know what I've got right now? I've got a great relationship with my kids. My 25-year-old, she actually phoned me a couple of weeks ago. I think it was like a Thursday night. Am I all right to swear on this, Johnny? Yeah, go for it. Yeah, yeah. Okay. She actually phoned me and she said, you used to phone us in the middle of the week, but you've turned into a real miserable bastard and you're not phoning me. So I'm phoning you. What are you up to? And I thought, you know what? In some ways, like the sacrifices that I made, and you know, my ex-wife, she probably made sacrifices as well.

18:02 But I've got that relationship with my kids, and that is priceless. So it we've been talking about the work stuff and everything, but I think there is this whole period of playing the long game and looking at, you know, where do I want to be with my kids in six months' time? Where do I want to be with my kids in six years' time? Because, you know, kids are going to be around till hopefully till the day we die. So it's about this much longer term perspective. Yeah, and I had friends that said that to me, Johnny, the long game, think about the long game. And in the fiery sort of furnace of the breakup, days feel like minutes, weeks feel like months, you know, time is just painfully stretched.

18:48 But, you know, as I've experienced, it does get easier. And also, I now have achieved the amount of contact that I wanted. And what I feel is just and right as a starting point, you know, for certain dads, the circumstances could mean that they can't have their children at 50% of the time. But as a start point, that's where I think everybody should work from. And from a point of view of your relationship with your ex, it's an easier, less, what's the word, like conflict. There's less hostility around

19:30 sharing things and coming from that point of view. What, you know, were your kids quite upset about the breakup when it first happened? Can you think that far back? Was it difficult for them? Yeah, it was. The older one who was 11, because I left in. in uh it was like end of October, November. And the reason that I left at the time I did was because we gave her a few weeks to settle in at secondary school. Yeah, um, and she's quite astute. I think she'd realized that for over several months that you know, we weren't we just weren't getting on. I've been sleeping in separate rooms, you know, all the standard stuff. Um, the nine-year-old, um, when we told her, it was a complete shock, that was that was hard.

20:12 Yeah, yeah. And how did you reassure them? You know, like, like, I mean, there's so much we can talk about in this in this subject. But what I like to do, rather than because it's actually quite easy to focus on the drama, but um, you know, how did you reassure them? What, how did you, how did you, you know, help them feel like their world wasn't collapsing? I think one of the things I've stressed to them is that whatever happens, I will always be their dad. You just cannot change that fact. That is a biological God, it's whatever you want. Yeah, I will always be their dad, I will always be there for them, I'll always be seeing them. So, obviously, I didn't know at the time the details of that and how often that would be.

20:58 A funny story, actually, because my younger one went to university and I've always said to them, I always remember my ex-father-in-law, sadly, he's dead now, but he always said, You always worry about your kids, don't you? And I decided there and then, when he told me that, that I was never going to worry about my kids. So, the deal, the deal I've got with my kids is if they're ever in trouble, they phone me and I'll sort it out. I don't know what I'll do, it's perhaps a dad thing, maybe my ego is getting in the way a little bit, but I don't know what I don't have to know what the problem is. I just know that I'll sort it out. So, my uh, my youngest had been at university and she was in her second year, so she phoned me up and said, Dad, you know, you know, how um, if you you know, we've got this deal, and if I've got to let you know if I'm ever in trouble, and I'll you'll come and sort it out.

21:46 I said, Yes, and I thought this is great, I'm gonna put my back the milk tray man, I'm gonna come storming in. I was so excited, and I said, What is it? What is it, tell me? And she said, Um, well, she said, um, we've got to get one of the parents to give a talk on something to do with their business, and all the others are gonna like all their parents and nurses and stuff like that. So, you're it's gonna have to be you. So, I drove down to Bournemouth and I gave a talk that was going to be like 45 minutes on networking and building a network and all that. And as these kids walked in, I realized that I was the barrier between them and going to the bar. So, I cut a deal with them that my 45-minute talk would be less than 20.

22:31 And then they all piled out after 20 minutes, and that was it. But the thing is, she was in she wasn't in trouble, but she just thought, I'll phone the old man, and there I go. Yeah, totally. And you know, I mean, that resonates with the live stream I did yesterday about how strict we are with our kids, you know, and what's an appropriate level of strictness. And, you know, my message, my feeling is that being too strict in our kids is counterintuitive. Yeah, we, if, if we, if we set a strong set of morals and values around our family, then the rules should naturally fall into place themselves.

23:08 Yeah, that jars with our values, in which case, I'm not really going to do it. And then, and then also, what you can, you can reflect on is this too extreme? And what instigated the conversation was a dad who'd banned his daughter and taken her phone away for using Wi-Fi outside of the house, which there may be a bigger part of the story. Um, but I couldn't help but see inside of that that him and his daughter were had got into quite a serious breakdown in communication around something about Wi-Fi. And how I'm relating that back to what you were saying, my relationship with my dad, although he's pretty a bit of a maverick, um, we could always ask anything, we could say anything.

23:53 You know, there was really not too much of a scenario of where are you and what time are you coming back? But speaking for myself, where I was and what time I was coming back was always pretty, pretty sensible, and I had a good group of friends as well. So, you create that atmosphere with your children whereby the one time they ring you and you're expecting it to be like, How can I swoop in and save you? Um, and your daughter's so on top of everything that her biggest drama in the world, you know, so far is something as simple as that. So, that's that's all credit, yes, to you, but also to her. And then, on top of that, the relationship that you have with her. Yeah, absolutely. And, you know, the Wi-Fi thing, one of the things

24:37 that I learned from this. it's a martial arts thing, but Bruce Lee was standing one day and he put one of his legs out to one side and he basically rotated his body 360 degrees. So he came at, he kind of had this circle that was like two feet away from his body. And he had this circle all the way around him. And he said, from a self-defense point of view, this is my circle of life. And from a self-defense point of view, if someone is inside my circle, in other words, they're pretty much within striking range. He said, purely from a self-defense point of view, you want to know if they're going to kiss you or kill you.

25:16 But what I've done is, and what I think we can take this concept is we can apply this concept to a lot of other things in our life as well. Because if you want to get a little bit deep, we kind of become the person based on the things that we have let into our circle, not just the people, but the thoughts, the words, the actions, and everything else. But we can't, the thing is that we can't, we don't, we have to control what's in our circle. We have to have a degree of control over us, but we don't control most of the things that are outside that circle. And if it's a daughter with Wi-Fi or whatever it might be, you know, sometimes you have to say, well, okay, I'm going to fight the battle.

25:59 And sometimes you have to say, that's outside my circle. I'm going to let it go. I don't agree with it, but whatever, because otherwise, you're trying to control or even have a degree of influence over things that actually you don't. And that's a recipe for disaster. So, you know, we have to let our kids find their own way. It's such a tricky area. It is. And there's so many subjects and different parents, different families, different circumstances. You know, everyone's free to make their own rules. But that does actually link nicely back into that picture you painted about your relationship with your daughter. Is that we give our children the understanding of that subject.

26:37 I don't think you should do this because it's for this reason, this reason, this reason. Then that child can actually make that mistake themselves, deal with the repercussions, which I'm not sure they're that bad over something like Wi-Fi. But then they have the confidence to know that they can come back to you and say, you know what, Dad, you were right. And by the way, can you help me fix it? And that's, you know, thinking, thinking that relating that to my stepson, things are a little bit strained at the moment for some reason. And I hope that he does get back in touch in due course. But, you know, there was, I always said to him, if you're at a party, I don't care what's happened, you can call me.

27:15 I'll come and get you. Whether you're drunk, whether you've taken something, whatever, like, just know that if you need me, call me and I'll be there. And that puts the that just puts the problem to a different place. You know, the problem wasn't like, oh, I can't tell my dad this. The problem is my dad needs to come and get me. That's what's going to help us here. Yeah. Yeah, that's, that's, um, I think that's a very smart thing to do. That's, that's, that's kids, kids need security, you know, and that's, that's giving him that level. Even if he does do something stupid or he's in a bit of a mess, he can, there's something there for him. And all kids need that. Yeah, yeah. We need it. Me and you need it, Johnny.

27:57 Everybody needs something like that. Totally. Well, listen, there's a couple of things I want to touch on. And by the way, people, if they want to know more about that circle of life example, that's one of the chapters you've shared from your book on your website, yeah. Yeah, that's and that's your Nick. Bigforgem.com, yeah. Yeah, it's on Amazon's Black Belt Thinking. There's quite a lot you can look at. Okay, well, I'll share the link in the show notes anyway, as well. Just want to touch on that on that whole bullying thing. So you had an experience of being bullied through school. Was it something that lasted quite a while? Yeah, it wasn't that. It was actually on the way home. So I lived in a little village outside Lancaster, up in the northwest of England, and I'd get a lift in to school from my parent, from my dad, or one of his friends with a couple of other lads.

28:44 And then sometimes on the bus coming home, I would be by myself. I'd be the only person from Lancaster Grammar School. The last stop in Lancaster was the roughest school in Lancaster. So all these kids from the rough end would pile on and I'd be sitting on the bus in my fluorescent blue Lancaster grammar school blazer. So I was for seven years a sitting target. Yeah, fresh meat for them every day, yeah, blimey. Yeah, so it wasn't a little bit was physical, but a lot of it was, you know, verbal intimidation and stuff like that. And it had quite, I know, I can look, it's easy to look back now and say, yeah, you know, I was scared of people.

29:26 Basically, that's where it got me to. And the irony is now that, you know, I give professional talks to 350 people. I teach karate. karate and stuff like that. So it's kind of like gone full circle. Yeah, yeah. But late teens, early 20s, I was scared. I was scared of a lot of things. And what can you say to people that may have had that experience? It could actually be someone who's still shouldering it now. They could be experiencing it with their child. What are some of the breakthroughs that people could achieve around the subject of bullying, both in the present and in getting rid of the, I guess, the sort of the hangover, the after effects of having been bullied at any time in your life?

30:06 Well, there's a lot more out there now in terms of not just not necessarily any type of therapy, but there's so much stuff out there. There's been books written about it. There's all sorts of useful things. It's a really good question because it's such a massive, massive topic. For me, and I think for a lot of people who've been bullied, the issue was confidence, you know, confidence with myself, confidence with other people. I think it boils back to what I said earlier about actually just thinking about yourself and who you are. One of the most important things in this and with everything and to do with family breakup and everything is about is about judging.

30:48 There's so much judging out there at the moment, people being judgmental. And I liken it to when I'm a karate referee and I'm judging a competition. Although you can see people who are very good, your natural reaction is to look for the negatives. You know, oh, they made a mistake there. That stance could have been longer, wider, sharper, whatever. And when we judge ourselves, we're very rarely positive about ourselves. And it's easy in a family breakup or people who've got a history of overcoming some adversity like bullying to actually be very negative to themselves and say, you know what,

31:27 I shouldn't have done this. And one of the things I say to people is listen to your language, you know, because we're often our own harshest critic. And there are times, particularly when we're going through stress, that that doesn't serve as well. So you're talking about inner voice there, that voice in our mind. It's a lot of self-talk that comes from our beliefs and everything else. So have a real think about, first of all, about your self-talk, as you say, the inner voice. Don't be harsh on yourself. Bullies pick on people, marriages break up, all that sort of stuff. It just happens. It doesn't mean necessarily that any one person was massively at fault. So I think that would be the first thing I'd say is don't be harsh on yourself and say, oh, you know, I'm rubbish at this or I should have done that.

32:09 It's not about that. That's dealing in the past. And are you saying that's like a subconscious thing where you start almost like blaming yourself for the bullying, but then you forget that you were blaming yourself about the bullying. So then another scenario comes along where you don't feel that comfortable and you're just left with the feeling of, I can't stop this. I'm helpless. I'm no good. And that's the hangover from the bullying. It is, absolutely. And, you know, one of the things that I've this sounds counterintuitive, but when I was doing the stress management diploma, one of the signs of someone who is strong or who is going to be strong is to ask for help. Because quite often what happens is people think, oh, if you're asking for help, you must be, you know, you must be in a mess.

32:51 You must be weak. And actually, it's strong people who ask for help. And I can explain it to you very simply. People who have a real problem with self-esteem, you know, how they think of themselves, how they value themselves, how they regard themselves, their self-esteem can get so low that they don't ask for help because they don't think they're worthy of anyone helping them. So actually, a lot of these things are a two-way stream. If you now, if someone listening to this has actually, you know, I think there is someone there who can help. I just haven't asked them yet. My advice would be go and ask them for two reasons. One is the worst thing that can happen is that somebody says no.

33:28 And secondly, if they help you, it could be the start of a massive transformation. So actually asking for help is a really positive, empowering thing that will actually just by itself boost your self-esteem. Yeah, totally. What I say to myself and I say to my kids is, well, what would you say if someone came and asked you for help? Or what was somebody they're like to say, oh, I'd help them. Oh, yeah. So why am I imagining that if I ask someone for help, they're going to laugh at me or send me, you know, send me back where I came from? It doesn't always, these, you know, it's the fears that we create in our mind that are way bigger than the actual likely outcome. Yeah, and you know, I have a strong emphasis on time and making a commitment, making a decision.

34:13 And maybe someone is listening to this right now and they can decide, they can write it down, they can commit in their head to themselves that actually there's someone they've been thinking of that they can go and ask for help and they can go and do that as soon as they finish listening to this podcast. Yeah, yeah, totally. I've said this before. but you know, around the subject of me seeing a counsellor and going on antidepressants when I really was having my breakdown, I was screaming at the woman, there's nothing wrong with me. So, so was, but I was so in the hole that I couldn't, that I couldn't see it. And so, your outlet for that was just the karate, or did you do a bit of, was there any counselling there as well?

34:55 Or was there really the karate the breakthrough for you around that subject? No, it's just, um, it's just uh, okay, I think one of the things we're after is like in life is about the journey we're on and it's about our identity. And I was fairly happy with who I was in, you know, outside of the family context. Um, so for me, it was pretty much business as normal. Um, I didn't think of counseling, maybe I should have had something. Um, I remember I've certainly had phases in my life, and that's probably the biggest one where I would call in, you know, I'd call in favours, uh, family members, whatever, you know.

35:32 And it's exactly what you just said a couple of minutes ago that, you know, I think anyone listening to this and you or me, we've pretty much helped someone as long as their request was reasonable. And I think most people are like that. And it's easy to fall into the trap of not thinking that people won't help us. So I've certainly had faves, I've had phases in my life where I've actually given a lot, but then I've had phases where I've asked for help. Yeah, and that's so, so important. I've got so many ideas of where to take this conversation. But, you know, when I started a, I went to a singing club for a while. It was a real, just, I needed to do something new. I needed to be out of the house. I needed to be around different people.

36:14 Just touching on karate as an interest and as a hobby, as something that someone could start from scratch, you know, like, tell me a bit more. What's the cool thing? Why is karate cool? Like, why should people do it? What do you get out of it? Can someone start karate when they're 45? Yeah. Yeah. My oldest student was a 55-year-old diabetic with a heart condition. So yeah, anyone can do it. What I would say is go along to a club. It could be anything. It could be, you know, kickboxing, judo, it could be anything. Go along to a club, and a good test is to say to the instructor, I'm thinking about starting.

36:57 I'd just like to sit in and watch your lesson, if that's okay. If they say no, you need to walk out because it's something not. I'd look at how the instructor is and I'd look at how the students are because you want the right atmosphere in the club. You can get little Hitlers, which is a bit of a shame. But generally, it should be relaxed. There should be a little bit of discipline because otherwise the instructor's not in control and you're going to get accidents. So you need some discipline when you're doing something like that. But equally, you know, it could be something like football. It could be salsa dancing. It could be anything. Yeah, of course, of course. But I think it's interesting that, you know, because one of my encouragements and tenets of Team Super Dad is about fitness and that health side, actually getting out and sweating, getting those positive endorphins and chemicals in our brain flowing.

37:49 And, you know, karate, if someone's feeling like they're not really a runner, they don't really fancy the gym, they're just like, oh, I just don't know what to do. Karate can be that for people, yeah? Yeah, definitely. Yeah, it's a whole body thing. And I've got students who people would look at those students and they'd say, oh, they're overweight. But you know what? They come in the dojo and they just go for it. And it's like, well, you're going to be good. And I'm thinking, yeah, let's go. So it doesn't matter if you're short or tall, clever or not, wide or thin, doesn't matter. Just turn up for somewhere and give it a go. It's a good outlet. Sometimes I've walked out after training and then all the thoughts come back and hit me.

38:31 It's like, oh my God, I've got to do this. And oh, I've got this. But the thing is, I've had a complete break from that for the last hour, hour and a half. And that is so therapeutic. Yeah. You said earlier about the stress management and the breathing. That's the same thing. It's like if you run a car at 100 mile an hour in second gear, sooner or later, that car is going to break. Whereas if you turn it off and let it go idle or even off for a period, the car can start up and run better again. But it's had a period of peace and distraction. And it's probably, is there a social element to karate as well, which is really useful for people? Not massively, no.

39:07 We can go down the pub a little bit, but no, that's not it, no. Okay, so no, that's good to know as well, because I think it's interesting where you can find outlets and solutions to different things. So, but, you know, equally, just simply being around people is a good, good escape as well. as well. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. And I'm going to come back to the karate because I'm interested to hear a bit more and to share with the listeners and watchers about the Black Belt Confidence. But just flipping over into some back to the relationship stuff, your new wife, the reason I'm bringing this up is because about dating, right? This is an area where I'm still, you know, I'm still,

39:51 I guess I've just parked the whole subject. What, what, you know, what did it feel like when you decided you were going to go out dating again? Did you go out looking for another relationship? No, it just sort of happened naturally through the complimentary therapy that I was doing. So we just got to know each other. So no, I haven't actually been out on it. We didn't really go out on a date as such. So this was someone that you bumped into. It wasn't like you went and dated four or five and then met and met and then met your partner. This is someone the universe put you in touch with, basically. Yeah, in terms of dating, I have no expertise to share.

40:35 I'm not alone for that. A lot of other things either, but no, that's not, that's not how it happened. But I mean, was you know, was it awkward? Did it feel quite natural? Was it something you have to work on, or did you just, you know, did you sort of like become friends and then fall in love? What was the, kind of, what was the access to, you know, actually a new relationship, a loving relationship, and ultimately a new wife? We were both in, we were both going through the same, I'd been going through the same thing. So we, I think there was that immediate bond. And also it's spooky that, you know, we've both got children who are aged exactly the same age.

41:20 Yeah. But no, we were both going, we had been going through what, you know, exactly the same thing. So there was that bond and then there was a shared interest in complimentary therapy. So it just evolved from there. Yeah. Do you think you're a better husband second time around? I'm older and wiser, hopefully. Yeah, I don't know. But you know, things change. I mean, I got married, what, when I was 20. I got married about 30 years ago. So, you know, I don't really recognise that guy from 30 years ago. I mean, I know that was me, but I'm so different. Yeah, yeah. Well, you said also about different challenges and stresses in life.

42:01 Having kids, being skin, like babies, toddlers, nappies, work, you know, early 30s, there's those challenges in life, they all pile up. And actually, it is testimony to couples that are happy and still together, you know, and their kids have reached 20 is a massive testimony to those people of what it takes to get to that point. And I think it's also okay that if it didn't work out, I wasn't able to say that for a long time, but I'm at the point now where I can say it's okay that it didn't work out. We came to the point where we weren't actually that compatible. And so worst thing we could have done was probably hung on in there and carried on ruining each other's lives.

42:44 I think that's exactly where we were. And it's been cruel to be kind, really. Yeah, I think it's actually easier in some ways to stay with someone where you don't get on. But then your kids, kids are clever, you know, kids pick up on that stuff. And you're probably not actually doing the best thing for them. So actually, to go through that breakup, whether it was instigated by the dad or the mum, doesn't really matter. But in a way, it's better. It's much more traumatic at the time. And then, as you say, money comes into it and everything else.

43:22 But I'm quite convinced. And it's this thing that I said about, you know, looking back and assessing what's going on and judging yourself and trying to take yourself out of it, not to be too negative on yourself and not try to live in this sort of random, false, happy-clappy world. But actually, just to be able to take a step back and say, you know what, was that the best thing for me? Yes. Was it the best thing for her? Yes. Was it the best thing for the kids? Yeah, it was. Yeah. It was traumatic, obviously, and there's tears and there's all that sort of stuff. And one thing I wanted to, a story I wanted to share with you was

44:02 I let a lot of things go because they weren't necessarily precious to me. But the day I left the home, there was my two daughters, aged 11, 9, and their mother. And she said, oh, look, girls, daddy's leaving us. And it just stuck in my head. So when we had our next house, holiday, me and the two daughters, I planned it, went for a walk and I dragged them off the path. I didn't drag them off, but we went off the path by the hair across the field. We went found this secluded little glade and I sat down with them and I said, Look, there's one thing that I need to tell you because this has been massively weighing on my mind. I didn't want this. This was where she was playing mind games. And maybe I played some. I don't know.

44:46 I'm not necessarily judging them massively for it. But I said, look, I was almost crying by this point. I said, look, you might remember that when I walked out of the house that last time and your mother said, look, girls, daddy's leaving us. I said, you have to know, I never left you and I never will. And I'm crying by now. And the younger one just looked at me and she said, We never thought you had. Yeah. That was intense relief. Yeah, I got goosebumps. Yeah. They had never viewed it that I had left them. Yeah. But you were carrying that round with you. Yeah. Yeah. And that's the important thing about having these sort of like completion conversations is that if you've got a fear, a concern,

45:32 an upset, you know, actually sharing it with that person and asking them, was it really like this? Or are we okay about that? Or indeed, creating the, you know, making sure that the future that you're living into is something that you've created for them and created together. It's such a relief, such a weight off our shoulders. Yeah, because however strong we are, however positive we are, sometimes the stuff that goes on in our head, that inner voice, that self-talk can just get a little bit out of control. So yeah, just have a chat, bring it out in the open. It's very rare as bad as you think it is. Yeah. And do you know what else I can see about that, Nick? Some dads in that situation would have made a decision about the mum.

46:13 She said this, which means she's like that, which means she carried on doing that. So now all your dialogue with your ex comes from the point of, I've got to protect myself and defend my relationship with my children, basically hostile. And so it's like a filter of how we communicate with that person, forgetting that it was based on that one incident. Yeah. And then the two people wonder why they're always fighting. Yeah. And for her, it was like, for us, obviously, it's stressful for her because she's thinking of her and the kids. So you've got to attempt to put yourself in her shoes as well. And for her, it might have just been an off-the-cuff comment. I mean, what is it? Look, girls, it's only five words for God's sake, you know?

46:51 Yeah. And she might have then, after I'd left, she might have sat down with them and said 5,000 words, all of which were not negative about me. And I would never know that. Exactly. Yeah, you're absolutely right. We do carry it around and just bring it out into the open sometimes in a sort of carefully measured way. But sometimes things are nowhere near as bad as we think they are, or they haven't had the effects on the kids because kids are so resilient. We forget this. Kids are so adaptable. Absolutely. And, you know, as adults, we are more affected by

47:31 heartbreak, by change. You know, use that word right at the beginning of our conversation, how affected we are by change. Kids might not like it, but they quickly, what they need is routine. What they need is a trust and a reassurance. And as long as they've got that, they can be quite happy with, okay, great. This is what we're doing. Okay. I'm good. I trust you, Daddy. We'll do this. And, you know, my work with dads, that's one of the things that I put in right at the beginning. Sit your kids down, reassure them, create a picture in their mind of what your future looks like, even if it's not, even if you haven't got it right now. And dads can be quite often in that situation of haven't got a big enough house, not seeing them enough. And you're going to say, do you know what, guys?

48:09 This is what I'm committed to. This is where we're headed towards. I don't know how long it's going to take or what it's going to take, but I love you and we're going to have a great life together. This is not the end. It's the start. Yeah, we have to remember that for our kids, the one unchangeable fact that can never be changed by Donald Trump or global warming, whatever you want to call it, nothing is going to change the fact that for our kids, we are their dad. Yeah. Yeah, totally. And that's going to be the same tomorrow. It's going to be the same in a month, in a year, in 10 years. That is unalterable fact. And that I think gave me quite a lot of,

48:54 it was a consolation, but it was more than that. It was just knowing that I was always going to be their dad. And pretty soon when I started living with Lynn, I said to them, I said, I'm not having any more kids. So we've, just in case you were thinking, I said, I will only ever have you two as my children. children. So it's a two-way thing, you know, they've only got me as their dad. I've only got them as my daughters. That's it. Yeah. And at 11 and 9, you know, whatever age they're at, really, but especially at 11 and 9, they're conscious enough to be able to have a chat with that with you, not as pressure, not as drama.

49:32 But I think too often kids aren't given the space to communicate, you know, to feel like their thoughts and their concerns are being heard. And then you go, okay, wow, yeah, I really hear that. Okay. Let me think about that. And then let's work out a new path forward. Yeah, definitely. Wow, great chat, Nick. Great chat. So just thinking, you know, I've seen some of the testimonies of what people have got out of your black belt ninja program. What led you to put that together? What did you see in the world that was missing that you could provide for people? When I wrote my book, which was six years ago, the book was a bit of a brain dump, to be honest.

50:15 I just had all these thoughts about lessons we can learn from karate and traditional martial arts. Oh, sorry, can we just put into context here? You're not like, because I've seen it from your website. You're not like a bloke who does a little bit of karate. You're a fourth Dan. Fifth Dan. Fifth Dan. So what is so? A friend of mine when we're at school, he was on the British karate team. And if anyone bullied him, he had to tell them, I just need to let you know that I'm a whatever and I'm basically I'm a weapon. So if you, if you, I may, I may retaliate, but I need to tell you that before this, before this starts, basically. So you're, you know, fifth Dan, what does that mean for people? Just, I know it's, it must be cool, right? So what is a fifth Dan? Just means I'm old, Johnny.

51:02 Well, there's a nice saying that a black belt is a white belt who never quit. Okay, that's cool. I'm just someone who my mother would have, my mother was a great fan of lifeboats. And she said, whatever the weather, they just keep going. And that's just been like me with karate. So yeah, there's people out there who've advanced faster. Some give up. I'm just a lot. I just keep going. You know, I do it once, twice a week. I had a real phase in my late 20s before the kids came along. I was pretty religiously doing it. I had two or three years where I was just doing it four times a week. So yeah, it just means I'm old. That's all. Okay. Like Yoda. You're like Yoda. Like Yoda, yeah.

51:45 I look like him as well. Sorry, I interrupted you. So, yeah, so that, so, so you're, so you're at karate. The book was a brain dump. And then I just, it's mainly through one or two business things. And I just thought, you know what? There's a lot of people out there who actually lack confidence. They lack confidence to be themselves, to express themselves, lack confidence to try new things. They lack confidence because they're fearful of failure, fear of loss, fear of being judged, fear of whatever. So I think the big area that I see where there's a gap is the confidence thing.

52:22 So I just took the most relevant bits of the book that related to that and put together a programme and the feedback I've had from people who've done the program. Somebody said, there is nothing in this world I can't handle. I thought, but hell, that's scary. Yeah, and the likelihood is someone who takes that course is probably thinking the exact opposite at the start. They've seen what's available from it and they want to break through and they come to the end of it with that. You know, so much of personal development, people who've never engaged in it, had a look at themselves, have a look at their confidence, have a look at what a breakthrough might mean.

53:03 That is like a new dawn to them. And that sounds like what that experience was for that lady. It was a real new dawn, yeah. And I think it's interesting to ask about the sort of the structure of the programme and the videos and stuff. And of course, that gives people the opportunity to hear what it's all about. But it also gives the opportunity for someone who's thinking about starting a new business and working out what an online business might look like and how they turn their passions into a business because dads are wondering that. So you've, you know, the course is online. And it's, was that something you knew about before you started the business? A little bit, but when you get into it, it's a massive industry.

53:42 There's loads of stuff out there. And I had a quote from a web designer who wanted to charge me a thousand pounds a day and it was 10 days to get the program. But then I looked online and researched and you can get access to these programs for like 50 quid a month. And the whole back end, all the technical stuff, it's all done for you. And you can have quizzes, you can have videos, you can have user groups, you can do all sorts. sorts of stuff, PBS to download. And most of that is in the program, but there's so much more to it. And it's interesting how people start as well. A bit like you, I mean, you're probably the case in point for this, you know,

54:23 because you've picked a niche, you picked a specific thing, and then you focused on that one thing. And if you look at people who are successful, particularly in the online world, what they've done is they've picked, you know, it's like, I don't know, it's cart fishing for people in wheelchairs. Okay. Yeah. And you might think, well, who wants to do that? Well, probably around the world, thousands of people. Yeah, people of thousands of expertise, you can massively help them. So, I don't know, you know, how to clean your chimney if you've only got one arm. I don't know, whatever it might be. Exactly, whatever it might be. There's loads of people out there who will benefit from the expertise that we all have.

55:01 And particularly when we're dads, you know, we've been through quite a lot in life. We've seen things, you know, having kids is obviously great, it's brilliant, but there's obviously stresses, and we learn a lot about ourselves and other people as we go through that process. So just by just by virtue of the fact of being a dad, people have something to offer. Yeah, totally. And just share where people can get to your course. I'll put it in the show notes anyway, but just share where people can get to your course and just explain the cost and stuff. The cost is £67 and it gives them access to the program for a year. And it comes from one of my first senior instructors who said, I'll get you to Black Belt in three minutes.

55:44 And I said, what do you mean? He said, just do three minutes a day. What he meant was you practice, you train twice a week, but then you do three minutes a day. So there's 40 videos, which, but the videos are just two to three minutes. So they take one point and describe it very clearly. And then there's things to think about. And most, a lot of people have done like it just like one day. So it's 40 days with a few quizzes if people want to do that and PDFs. So basically, you can do three minutes a day for seven weeks. And that's pretty much all the content. There's nothing complicated in it. You know, it's after having done karate for 30 years. I don't know very much advanced stuff. I don't think there really is any. It's just the simple things done well.

56:26 Yeah. So it might be best to stick the URL. I'll give you that at the end if that's okay. Yeah, sure, sure. Simple things done well. That's such a message for life, for being a dad, for simple things done well regularly. It's like consistently, that's powerful. Yeah. Yeah. Brilliant. And so just finally, because this is, I've written a, I've written a couple of couple of notes here. We've covered most of them. But just almost to finish up with, you've reinvented yourself on a number of occasions in your life. And you said a moment ago as well about, you know, I'm a lot older now. You know, of course, I'll be doing things different.

57:10 Creating a better future, one of my things for Team Super Dad is creating our best life ever. Yeah. I feel like you're someone who's living that. Perhaps it's not always been easy, but you're continuing to do that even at 57. What would be your encouragement to dads who are wondering how to reinvent themselves? There's probably a summary of a lot of things you've said here, but what do they need to do to gain the confidence to do that and then to trust themselves to keep going? Okay. A few things really. I think the first thing is to stay true to yourself. No, that can be, you could probably do a whole day's podcast on that.

57:55 But that's really about starting to have an idea of who you are because we all have roles, we all have identities. Give me like values and things. Could someone access that by their values? But we have we have, no, it's more about the roles we have in life. You know, the role is that I'm the carefree dad for my children. I'm the breadwinner. I'm the guy who is in business life. This is who I am. So someone could write those down as statements. But actually, you need to strip all that away because it's great, obviously, that we're all dads.

58:35 It's great that we have a job assuming we've got a job, but that's not actually who we are. So it's about having this little bit of thought about who you are. And now I'm coming back to you. Sorry, yeah. It is about our values and fundamentally, you know, what makes us the people that we are. And values is in the program and I know it's a subject dear to you. And people talk a lot of detail about values, but as we just said, I like the simple things. Values that are. are simply things that we value. In other words, they're things that are important to us. So it might be running a successful business. That's okay.

59:14 It might be helping others. It's worthwhile. If anyone's stuck, it's worthwhile just googling something like values and then saying, oh, yeah, that's a bit of me. There's like a whole list of words. Yeah, so it's about finding yourself. Use this as an opportunity to actually find out who you are, not just one of your roles, and then stay true to that. And probably the other thing I'd say is that accept that you have made mistakes in the past. You might be making mistakes now. You're definitely going to make mistakes in the future. And you know what? That's okay. That's just part of life. As long as you're not intending for anyone to be hurt or damaged or put out in any way, then it's okay.

59:56 You're going to make mistakes. So just sort of take the pressure, do things like that that take the pressure off you because this is, as we said, this is the situation of change. Change is stressful. So do some sort of mind things like this to actually give yourself a bit of headspace, give yourself a bit of time, so that then you can actually express yourself and go on this journey of getting to know who you are. And you're not going to lose things from this. You're not going to lose your kids. You're not going to lose your relationship with your kids. In fact, the more that you can get closer to actually knowing who you truly are, probably actually something more there for your kids to buy into because they're from the same gene pool. They're probably going to actually bond with you even closer.

1:00:40 So stay true to yourself. Don't do things that are completely stupid. Just stay true to yourself, accept mistakes, and just accept that, you know, we're all on this journey and there's a real positive in this situation that we can actually learn a lot more about who we are. Yeah, and by knowing who we are, we can actually create a much better future for ourselves. So, so, so, so true there. So, so true. Awesome, Nick. Well, listen, thank you for sharing so much of your life story with us today. Oh, one final thing. Just on juggling that,

1:01:19 your children, your stepchildren. Was that something that did you stress about that? Was it, I know a lot of dads do stress about it, like getting into a relationship with someone else who's got kids. Did you and your and your wife, did you, did you, how did you make that work, or was it a concern? And if it was a concern, did it go away quickly? Um, there are one or two things, there's one thing in particular that happened because uh, very early on when I'd moved in, because I realized that I had to very quickly accept that the relationship I had with my they weren't never been officially my my stepkids because you know their dad's still alive and everything.

1:02:03 Um, but I had to accept the relationship was fundamentally different to how it was with my kids, and that was quite different difficult partly because they're the same age. But I didn't have uh, I didn't have authority, I couldn't actually say to them, I'll go and go and put that away. Whereas with my kids, I could I could do that, yeah. Um, uh, and I think I once asked the younger one to go and do something, and she just said no, or she just ignored me. So, the question is, what can you do? I can't, I can't actually do anything.

1:02:38 So, I had to learn that I didn't have that relationship, I didn't have the sort of it's not sort of authority, but you know what I mean, this sort of this sort of father-type relationship with them. It was completely different. Yeah, I do totally know what you mean. Having been a step-parent myself, it's it's an acceptance that you're not the primary parent and that it's it's actually inappropriate. I let people just define that for themselves, but speaking for myself, it's inappropriate to try and be that primary parent, and it brings a lot of stress on the situation and can bring conflict.

1:03:14 Just like you say, you're not my dad, you know, like okay, and and you couldn't, you know, maybe if you're someone's boss at work, you could try and tell them to do something, but in any other social type, work type human-to-human scenario, the best you could do is request someone to do something. And if they didn't want to, they'd have to be okay with it, which is very different to the role of a parent. So, it's um, it requires a lot of mutual respect and as the adult, an acceptance that, okay, if they said no, it's not really my place to blow my stack and start demanding things. That should be for the other, you know, for their biological parent, for my partner to step in and determine.

1:03:54 Yeah, and there's, you know, there's books, um, you probably cover it. Uh, there's books on it. I was given a book by my uh. no wife with the best of intention. And because you have to be prepared that even if you ask nicely, if they say no, there isn't really anything you can do. And we are back to something we talked about right at the beginning, which is playing the long game. It's something that happened this June, which was Father's Day. So we're now in September. So this is three months ago. uh my wife had no idea this was going to happen and i had no idea this was going to happen but for the first time i got a stepdad father's day card from the two of them yeah and that that's that's uh on the mantelpiece in the bedroom because that means a

1:04:41 lot that's an acknowledgement of of what you've been together now 14 for some how long you've been together some kind of 14 12 years uh 12 years 12 years as an acknowledgement of 12 years work not not work work but 12 years love and commitment you could could say yeah um and and and if someone was expecting to be thanked every week it took 12 years and that didn't mean that it wasn't appreciated any any less it just that's that's your investment that's what it's taken wow yes that must i'm kind of you know all welled up there really because um i can i i know what that that that must feel like you know that that must have been a very

1:05:23 you must have had to take it also for my wife as well because she had no idea it's yeah it's just a card it's just say you know um thanks and that was it you know but um but yeah it was massive yeah and it's you know it's just like we said right at the beginning it's about you know what relationship do you want with your kids in three weeks in three years in 30 years time yeah sometimes take it on the chin um you know don't let someone walk all over you but sometimes just think i'm gonna let that go and you know and i've had it where you know it's like oh dad we're not around at christmas you know and they're telling me this at the end of november because mum's taking us to so-and-so and i'm thinking oh god you know but it's like okay so they're going off

1:06:03 having a great time and i'll see you on the 29th of december or something like that so yeah take a few things on the chin it's it's about balance yeah totally i have that with my kids and we make the night they come back is christmas eve and the first night they're back sorry and the first morning they're back is christmas day so they get to have two christmas days in fact i get to have two christmas days yeah yeah yeah yeah awesome nick great great conversation um you know the the cool thing about conversations like this is when you realize you could chat for absolutely hours but people don't listen to podcasts for absolutely hours unless you're listening to the joe rogan podcast then people do seem to listen for about three hours um well i'll get to that point in my

1:06:43 in my world domination uh nick thank you so much we're going to share some links to all your stuff in the show notes what's the name of your of your course on your website again uh well you can catch catch me at nickforgem.com uh and the course is called black belt confidence awesome and the book on on amazon black belt thinking black belt thinking brilliant strongly recommend it uh i'm just starting to work my way through through nick's course myself so so i look forward to to being able to share some of that nick thank you so much again for your time great to hear about your family and your journey the successes you've had in different areas of your life and and the commitment you are to people in the community if you've been

1:07:23 teaching karate for that long i know that there are now dads who are impacting their children's life and that's because of you so um that's who you are in the world and i think it's fabulous well i've enjoyed it thanks johnny great stuff i'm gonna stop record and i'll see you soon cheers thanks wow what a great conversation with nick if you are one of the 20 percenters and you are still with us then thank you uh the magic is is quite often at the end when you get to the point where you're really relaxed and you start to learn a little bit more about the guests and about their life and things pop into your mind just like they did then about being a step parent and how he blended

1:08:05 his family so well um it's tricky being a step parent i've got to say and it's not often spoken about if you've enjoyed this podcast then please leave us a review on iTunes or wherever you listen to this those reviews help promote the podcast if you're on something like Breaker or Stitcher or Spotify then give us some hearts as well because all these things are positive social testimonials and and like I said the more dads we can impact then the more I don't know of course that's a benefit to me as I grow the community and I bring more people into the into the the organization but but that's not what this is fundamentally about this is fundamentally about dads rebuilding their lives dads creating their best life ever and when you take a look at it from a legacy point of view then you're talking about

1:08:54 about kids growing up, not you know, not harshly affected by a breakup, but actually inspired by what their parents have created, confidently able to fall in love themselves and with exciting ambitions for their own family and their future. So, if that resonates with you, if that hits a chord in your heart, then I'm doing something good, then I'm getting through to you all. Please share this, please bring in your friends and other dads to the community. And I look forward to seeing you over in the Facebook group and on the next Team Super Dad podcast. Team Super Dad out.

1:09:37 This has been Team Super Dad. Find us at teamsuperdad.com. Join the rebuild program and create the best life ever for you and your children. You are not alone. You're on Team Super Dad.