Miserable Man Syndrome – why men get stuck and how to fix it

00:00 Miserable Man Syndrome. I heard it for the first time, that phrase this week and it really triggered me. It like got me going! Is it real? is it a factor of living with people that just drive us insane and is there something that we can do about it? Can we stop being that miserable bloke that really isn't enjoying life to the degree that we should be? Let's crack on and find out. Roll theme... Welcome to The Jonnie Jensen Show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches relationships and results they deserve. Get your High Value Man Blueprint and join our community at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go!

00:47 Hello men, welcome to The Jonnie Jensen Show. It's good to have you back here with me however you found me first timer or returner we've had a big spike in listens over the last couple of weeks primarily I think down to the interview with Michael Cerver he's Well-connected guy, good to have him on the podcast. You've probably seen a number of guest episodes now and that goes back to what I used to do on the podcast when i first started so it's good to be doing those, good to be connecting with more people getting their views and opinions and insights The Dr Steve Badansky Guest Episode all around sex and orgasms was absolutely brilliant this week he was on my list

01:29 of It makes a big thing about this sort of, you know make a list. I forget what he calls it now but it's like create a list of the people you'd most like to connect with or the people you'd most like to have as a guest or the people you'd most like to have as a client uh...have those people be the ones that you actually go out and target so I did and it was great to have Dr Steve on there! This episode....so I read an article this week The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie, Miserable Man Syndrome

02:15 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie, Miserable Man Syndrome. Um, and so I, you know, I actually read it in full there. And I see this in a lot of men Okay, I see it in relationships that have gone a bit stale. I see it in friends or extended social circles and you see certain couples who are just going through the motions. It looks fraught they don't seem to be having much fun You kind of sense when they arrive there's an issue And you sense when they leave that there is an issue So if their close friends

03:11 Oh you know, what's happening mate? Are you all right?" But if they're just other people. You know the classic one is when you're in Ikea and you see two a couple wandering around basically bickering and arguing and just thinks...I just go no! i'm not doing that. I'm never doing that. Have I done it in my life sometimes yeah probably been there and I'm just not that's just not happening again but what can we do as men Grumpy, snappy, emotionally checked out and you have that thought is this who I am now? Am I stuck like this what can i do about it. It manifests itself in low energy, zero intimacy habitual avoidance like gaming drinking gambling basically checking out of the relationship

04:04 But it's, it could be stress. It could be health like testosterone or other biomarkers vitamin D iron zinc all these kinds of things so you might be that you actually are a miserable git or it might be that there's circumstances going on that will have you be this way So we're gonna get stuck into this today You know, this sits around the subject, the core heart of The High Value Man Project perfectly. It's about men waking up and seeing themselves for how they're being like how they're showing up in their life what's that like for the people around them rather than thinking she's this works that life's not fair and it all happening to us there's a level at which we desire to get to and it's the frustration of not being there that ends up dragging us down

04:57 It's the frustration of going through the motions instead of pushing towards our goal. That's what drags us down, so This subject is absolutely perfect for it. Inside the High Value Man Project, that's what we address with a clear system and structure for putting routine... basically for holding yourself to account first of all creating the life, uh, picture of the life that you desire getting over what's holding you back in terms of your mindset and attitude towards others And then put in the structure in place to actually create it So in this respect

05:34 We all have it in our power to take control, to actually choose. Not just choose or first of all choose the life that we've got and then choose the life that we're creating how you show up in those moments is up to you some people dance in the rain some people run for cover some people are miserable bastards and other people aren't which one are you? And if you find yourself no by the way if you are a miserable bastard and you actually find me there crack on! Crack on But if there's pinch points in your life where people are maybe frustrated, disappointed let down distancing themselves because of that and then things are getting worse then it's on you to address that. So at its heart you've got to have a look where this is all coming from okay? First and foremost in a situation like the article portrayed we're talking about our relationship there

06:36 The dynamics of that relationship and what's really working for you, and what's not working for you. What's having you be frustrated? What's having you be snappy? And starting to bring your partner around the idea that not only do you recognize how your being might not be working but that you want to address actually some of the root cause of that getting them to a point getting yourselves to a point together where it actually becomes something that you're prepared to talk about What you'll find when you do that though is that she's probably not going to be that interested in listening to it if you have been a miserable, lazy overworking disengaged not helping out. You know if you've been that for a long time it can be very difficult for her to suddenly hear you as this transformed man this person who's suddenly gonna contribute participate and be interested in how she's doing. That's not necessarily going to be something

07:31 Jonnie Jensen, The Jonnie Jensen Show. It's not that everybody else is crap and we're better than them. But it's being able to say, what would it be like to live a life where I'm energised and happy? What would it be like to have a relationship that's on fire and passionate and fun? What would it be like to be connected with my kids and having a laugh going about doing things when they actually want to spend time with me? What would it be like to have stable finances enjoy my work and at the weekends having a shit load of fun with my mates

08:24 That is the essence of the life that most of us desire and what we're pissed off about is that we haven't got that. So it isn't just going to snap our fingers and happen, but neither is it gonna fall in our lap because we've suddenly reached a milestone in our life where we deserve it. It starts with you! And that's the magic of doing this work – who you show up for as yourself The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie, Miserable Man Syndrome

09:20 What is it about your work that you love? What is it about your work that frustrates you if it's fundamentally, that you just can't bear to get up in the morning and go and do it. Let alone, you know, that sort of Sunday night syndrome of, of, we know the anticipation of going back to work on a Monday and you, and you, and you just can't bear it. It's one thing If you work in the business, you're career guy, isn't even another thing if it's your business And Obviously, the amount of fun you're having in your life can be a factor. If we are working hard and burning the candle at both ends just one end so like life is all work and no play then that's a factor as well but there will be times when whether it's through young children or through pressures at work then perhaps that will be the case but having

10:38 Plans to look forward to and memories to look back on is absolutely vital. Speaking to your friends on a regular basis, friends and family on a regular basis, and having plans to go out and actually have some fun – to see them, invite people around for weekends at other peoples or away together – it's absolutely vital! And the degree to which you can lead in that doesn't just make a difference to the people around you, it makes a difference to yourself. Suddenly your leader in your life and you're the captain of the ship creating and making things happen It's like the embers of fire when you stir them in the morning, breathe life back onto them and put some fuel on there and get the fire going. Looks like it was burnt out but managed to bring the fire back to life

11:27 Other non-circumstantial aspects of this is your body, your physical body. Like what's going on for you internally? And this is something that I'm focused on a lot at the moment really trying to understand where my energy levels are at and what's causing it I've got blood tests booked in. I did send off and do the biomarkers thing, but then when I followed that up the specialist, the advisor on the end of the phone said you probably should speak to a doctor and get a few more these things tested so at 51 that makes sense it's an MOT test

12:07 You know your testosterone, your iron, your zinc, your vitamin D, your thyroid. All of these biomarkers are things that you should definitely be getting tested at 40 plus let alone 50. You should definitely be getting your blood work done and your biomarkers checked to see that you have the right amount...your levels are the right up The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie, Miserable Man Syndrome

12:56 So it's not just some weird thing. Thriver is a service that I've used in the past and they give a great service, it's a bit expensive to be honest but it is a great service. What is it that you want for yourself? If you follow me on the socials or you're in the High Value Man email list, which you can get yourself in by simply going to highvaluemanproject.com forward slash VIP I think it is might be forward slash newsletter might be both of them then that'll put you on our newsletter lists and I've been talking this week about the importance of having clarity of having direction in your life

13:39 This is a foundational element in your satisfaction and your energy and your drive and desire. If you don't know where you're headed, then how can you be excited about it? Or if you have a desire of where you want to go but day-to-day you know that the work you're doing the effort that you are making, the relationship that you are in is taking you further away from that then that will be a struggle, that will be miserable It will be a drain on you completely So, I'm not really down with this woman saying Miserable Man Syndrome and what are men going to do about it. And I felt like she was putting quite a lot of blame out there but then I wanted to take that and twist it you know and actually look at what we can be responsible for If you are irritable and chronically negative towards your partner then that is not okay It's shit existence for her to be around that kind of person

14:31 Add to that if you're emotionally withdrawn and disconnected. Now, it's common that men particularly around the area of sex will feel like they're not getting enough like they deserve more or their relationship would be better if they had more but what we need to do as man is check in that we are emotionally available to our partners We're tuned into how they are and what's going on for them Now particularly with women who are in their 40s and 50s, they're going to be perimenopausal or menopausal. Understanding what that's like for them so that they'll not just be in a moody old bag is important it shows the degree of understanding which shows that you love care trust support her. In that space she's going to feel more desire towards you which is going to result in what you wanted in the beginning which was why don't we have more sex in our life?

15:29 In The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie, Miserable Man Syndrome

16:08 So, jumping around a bit. But that's the work that is being done there to actually support what is going on internally for me and then what can we do to support what is going on externally? That loss of enthusiasm for life where you were once engaged and energetic and now your drained and apathetic like you have to be responsible for that. What s that like to be around if your just coming in from work slumping on the couch and you know fun to live with whose fault And if that transcends into avoidance and escapism, whether it's playing the Xbox loads or drinking loads or playing too much golf. Or just really doing everything you can to detach yourself from the stresses that you feel are in your life relationship work kids whatever then that's not okay! You feel like you're sorting

17:00 I'm With that clear intention and purpose in life, with a drive and desire to be the man and dad that you want to be then you will start to feel the rewards of that as you engage back in with your life. As you discover your purpose and get excited about it. As you find yourself in the gym sweating and getting stronger I would love to say this woman was wrong and no men do this but my stand is we all have a life that we love living

18:01 That we all can look in the mirror, that we can wash that body in the shower. That we can get dressed and go downstairs or get dressed and walk into a party and be I am The Man! I love him what I'm up to. And so when someone else then turns at you say oh it's alright for you? Or you don't know what he's like? You'll be like yeah do...I put the work in to create this. That relationship I've got there doesn't just happen by chance So they end up saying to you at some point How did you do that? I want to have the kind of life that you've got. So, have a look! Have a look if there's a degree to which you are being that miserable man around people in your life and then start to make changes You can replay this podcast and pick out bits that I've stumbled through... I'm really aware this has been quite a struggle today, I don't know why

19:01 But maybe I'm having some sort of paranoia about being a miserable man. The structure that we've got inside the High Value Man Project. You can gain access to the tools inside of Basecamp if you go to highvaluemanproject.com forward slash group and an even better way of making the first step, of choosing to participate in your life is to join the High Value Man Inner Circle so if you go to highvaluemanproject.com forward slash inner circle you can join our Our premium group where we run accountability sessions on the Monday. We have the coaching calls on a Thursday, any question answered on the Wednesday. We have our fire tracker accountability tool and 3xc formula and the fire code.

19:51 The Please share this podcast and please go and leave a review. It's dead easy via your mobile on Apple Podcasts or via Spotify, I'm increasingly sending people to Spotify because it can be used cross-platform when everybody seems to have it. To be fair, I do! I've not used Apple Podcast in years and I'm constantly on Spotify so get yourself over to Spotify um...and uh..and leave a review for The Jonnie Jensen Show would really help other than that

20:40 The Power Call is always available to you, which you'll get more details of if you join the Inner Circle or the group. So men I appreciate spending this time with me and I look forward to seeing you on the next episode let's go! Thanks for tuning into The Jonnie Jensen Show be sure to subscribe leave a review and share it with fellow dads Creating the life you deserve starts with you. Get your High Value Man Blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go!