Mind The Gap — The Price Of Not Going After What You Want

00:00 Mind the gap. What is the price of not doing what you know you need to do or not going after the thing that, you know, you want to have? That's where the pinch point comes. That's where you feel your integrity is out and then everything starts to go wrong. Mind The Gap guys! Roll theme... Welcome to The Jonnie Jensen Show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches relationships and results they deserve. Get your High Value Man blueprint and join our community at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go! Hello men welcome back to The Jonnie Jensen Show it's good to have you here

00:50 I am sunshine, sunny time still in the summer here in the UK sweltering in what is my office slash studio. The Jonnie Jensen Show, I am the founder and head coach at The High Value Man Project we are helping modern dads create a life they desire not one that they feel stuck in creating success of both home and work so they can be the man and dad they want to be this episode is a hot topic, great topic I actually recorded it a couple of weeks ago but it went seriously tits up. Well, I've been still getting my head round Riverside you know finally after what seemed like weeks of

01:31 I'm For anybody who's listening for the first time, it's absolutely great to have you here. As I always say how did you find us? Who shared this with you and consider that if someone did share it with you then pay it forward today hit that like button go and subscribe wherever you're listening and share this podcast share The Jonnie Jensen Show with other men in your world who you think will benefit from the work and the messages and the guests as we continue to have

02:26 More guest episodes in the show. Share with men in your life who you know are looking to create more than what they currently have, asking themselves is this as good as it gets? Because general terms, it never is there's always something more and that's what this episode about Mind The Gap It's actually one of the modules in the 3xc formula, which is part of our system for living inside of High Value Man. Mind The Gap it's that distance between what you say you want and what you've got is the distance between what you say you want and the effort you're putting into get it

03:07 Depending on how big that gap is, it will do your head in. It will create stress and frustration inside of your life, inside of relationships. It will create tension in your habits and routines or daily work. You know not going after what you want is one of the fundamental aspects of not finding fulfillment of lacking purpose. I love the definition if you listen to the show before I often say this definition of fulfillment as I've read and understood is knowing what you want, but also knowing that you're moving towards that thing that you want. As Viktor Frankl in Man's Search for Meaning said, a man with a strong enough why can't withstand anything? And that's really what we're talking about here. Where did this inspiration for the episode today come from? Well it came from I was watching a show on iPlayer BBC iPlayer get it on The Dodgy probably wherever you are around the world called Mixtape which apparently is based on a book now

04:04 It was a bit heavy for me, not like kiddy fiddling or any other kind of like you know cancer or real drama like that but there was quite a lot of upset in this show about people not following their dreams. Or in particular not being with the person they really thought they should be Be with there was like childhood sweethearts and this whole saga around how the relationship came to an end, why they didn't stay in touch. And how come they were married then to the wrong people? So these two people both in shit relationships trying to come to terms with who they are or what they want, and then they bump into each other again. It's about them what happens

04:47 So it was kind of okay, but it is also like six episodes of that. You know? But it did neatly tie into this topic of mind the gap that gap between what you've got and what you say you want and In a High Value Man terms, this is fundamental foundational. Knowing who you are and what you want and then going after it is exactly what we're all about in clarity, in courage and in commitment that is the 3XC. If any of this today resonates with you or if you listen to the other episodes and you think yeah I want more of that then come and get involved with us here at The High Value Man Project. We run a men's group

05:28 A mastermind, if you like or a flipping tribe of men called the Inner Circle. We're just moving that actually over to school but if you go to basically the best thing to do today right is go to The High Value Man Project and register for for the group there for the Base Camp activity there that will put you in our database and you'll get any email when when the new group goes live The The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen

06:35 I'm not a massive one for the actual like, what's your weight? You can look and see what your weight is. You can look and see what clothes you're wearing, what belt loop you're on. You can get a good gauge for where you are at in your own level of personal satisfaction. And it shouldn't just be about oh, I've got to lose weight because I'm fat. It's about tying into that desire. I've got, you're not even going to talk about losing weight. You're going to talk about being dad. You can talk about being a runner or being strong. You're going to talk about being granddad like living long enough to be in your children's children's lives. That's the who I am and then you talk about I am the, I am runner, I am athlete, I am strong, I am grandad, I am dad that's the anchor that pulls you forward. That's the clarity about the direction you are going into

07:25 So, Mine in the Gap. It's about how do you move from where you are to where you want to get to? And we're going to go through this in about four or five separate elements here. Pretty basic, but so many of us get it wrong and we get it wrong because I will be looking at what other people need or what we think we've got to do to show up in work every day like there's a massive compromise in our time for ourselves or our time for our family because we've got to do that thing at work Or we're putting all our energy into a relationship that's not working. And because we've drifted apart, she's now got different interests or different values, or quite frankly the relationship isn't what we signed up for. That really was a pressure point for me in my marriage where it just came to the real realization that this wasn't what I signed up for. This wasn't the life that I was invested in. This is a completely different thing to what I thought we were getting into.

08:25 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen Okay, but for the benefit of this right keeping myself on track. The gap isn't just the goals right? You know what you want to be it's what it's gonna take to actually do it so... You start with a clear outline of or what is that you actually want who you are and where and where your headed when we're working inside The High Valley Man Project We have it break it down into those clear areas of life It's not rocket science! You have to keep it simple there's nothing easy about making things complicated

09:25 In the realms of what it is that you want, when you ask a little kid that they're really straightforward. Oh yeah I wanna be an astronaut! I wanna be a footballer like there's no thought of oh what's he gonna take and what's in the way there? They're just driven by that thing. They have total faith and belief in it. What's it going to take for you to get that real about what you want because only when you get that real are you going to see the gap. You're going to actually come face-to-face with what that frustration is I now realize that I've been avoiding this, or I now realize that I've been moving in that direction. Or as I just said before, I realized this wasn't what I signed up for instead of having a bloody argument about it. Instead of feeling shit on the way to work every day you're going to start to take solid measures about right? What's it gonna take to address this? Now courage is the next step. It's not about motivation and motivation can come and go. You can be up, it can be down. It's not about that right

10:25 Ties into commitment neatly, but courage is having the... it's being willing to move through the fear into the other side. Courage is not being stopped by the risk or the danger right as in Susan Jeffers book Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway that is courage. Courage to admit that something's not working. Courage to admit that you haven't been taking responsibility in that area. You know for me Working with men that have been through divorce, having them come face to face with what they can be responsible for inside of that relationship not working. It doesn't mean it's not about fault or blame it's just a real honest reflection on what could I be responsible for? Right down to the

11:13 Welcome back to the Ultimate Level of Responsibility. If you asked her out back in the day, then that's where it all started. If you overlooked a number of red flags, if you've allowed yourself to be drawn into multiple arguments about different subjects, if you've lost your temper and shouted I can be responsible for that in my marriage like that's the level of courage. That's the level of responsibility that you have to take and Often, the gap is created when men aren't willing to face up to what's happened about what's led to the gap being there. Communication not speaking to each other or being straight with each other about what's going on can actually lead to the gap getting wider

11:58 Adopting bad habits and lifestyle choices can lead to the gap getting wider. Not getting up in the morning and doing the exercise leads to you getting more and more unfit, right? So you've got to be willing to be present to the man in the mirror and having the balls to face up to him, having the balls to get real with yourself. Delaying this only It extends the damage, basically. Right? That example from the mixtape program they had literally decades of being in marriages that didn't work and I could become a little bit like okay well I already bloody know that Jonnie. That's not going to suddenly fix this. That's not gonna suddenly make this move me forward in this area so then you're gonna look at what's the price of doing nothing what's the price of staying where you're about this particular thing leaving the gap to be there

12:57 In honesty, so many of us particularly around in business choices you know let alone aura well-being could be another subject. It's not doing something that leads to the thing getting worse or leads to the thing not progressing. Now, that idea of being stuck is just as debilitating and my mind leans towards how Daniel Priestley if you've ever read any his books Key Person of Influence oversubscribed I'll seen him on LinkedIn and he's blowing up on YouTube as well right now If you see his growth...I've known him

13:35 The The The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen

14:32 I guess what i'm pointing out here is, you know this is a low value existence. This is one of the elements of why High Value Man is called High Value Man Project, it's that the opposite of that is this low value death spiral where the more we avoid, the more we distract ourselves, the more we don't do what is required then the worse it gets and so we then move into commitment Recognising, we have a process inside of this called Set Your Path. Recognizing what it's going to take to get towards that result not necessarily to get to the ultimate result but to get to the next milestone, to get to the next stage setting your path

15:14 And setting your path is a practical activity of really looking at, well what is the thing that I want? Why do I want this? Like what difference is it going to make to me? What difference is it gonna make to the people in my life, to the people around me. Like creating that why that's bigger than you big enough to withstand any pressure or challenge and then what's at stake if I don't do this like what's gonna happen if you don't move forward in this area, don't move to the other side of that gap. What will be like when I get there again The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen

16:00 Who not how? Who could I put around me, who could I ask. Who could I involve that either has the complementary skills or is already achieved it that could get me there and that could be someone you put personally into your life or it could be someone who's written a book or got a load of YouTube videos Dan Martell is again another guy blowing up on YouTube over the last couple years but I read his book Buy Back Your Time Which seemed to be, you know around the start of his YouTube growth. But that's a person you putting around you, his content, his expertise, his presence even though you don't know him personally putting that around you

16:47 That's setting your path, right? And then look at like what milestones will be a tangible result that will see me moving towards that area. That's not rocket science either. None of this is rocket science! The secrets of success aren't that secret it's just the most of us won't bloody do it you'd have heard me say that so many times... You move towards the ultimate goal by reaching those milestones. Joe and I have managed to get tickets for or entry into High Rocks in Birmingham UK And we've got, I was about to say 11 weeks. We had 11 weeks when I booked it and now have 10 weeks. What's it going to take to be ready for that? Well the first part of that was me looking at my exercise workout routines in the gym and adjusting so they fitted the event coming up

17:36 The I'm But you haven't got these milestones in place. You haven't got the people around you, the who not how then there's a distinct danger that you will fall off the path. Your lose direction your lose energy and focus before you get to the result that you want. That this is about having faith having faith what you put in place The people, the structure, the system that we're talking about today is enough

18:56 And the only way that we can really stay committed, you know in terms of faith. In terms of our inner belief is through our own mindset and managing that along the way an incredibly powerful way of doing that alongside your journaling is something I call I am your I Am List. Present tense list of I am statements. And the reason this works is that we are constantly telling ourselves negative I am's without even realizing it, I am late I'm getting this wrong. I shouldn't have said that, I am not getting enough of this or that you know it ties into me asking men what they want at the beginning of our work together and them telling me a load of stuff they don't want we're very present to what we haven't achieved We are very present to what we want less off if you get to the end of the day generally look at your work to-do list and notice all the things that you haven't done yet That you've like didn't get this done didn't get that done fading

19:57 The This is all, this is all part of the focus. It's all part of the clarity and the courage and the commitment that you need to bridge that gap rather than falling down the gap like when you're at the London tube station... The Gap! I had some friends came over from Chicago once Trish hello Trish one of my oldest friends they were so buzzed about the Mind The Gap they were like recording it and turning into part there I don't even know what it was back in the day probably just

20:47 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen Show, The accountability and the general camaraderie and support is absolutely vital in a man's life. Knowing that you've got the capacity, you've got the tribe of people who are both interested in hearing about it and willing to give you feedback, willing to hold you to account, willing to support you

21:37 Because if the only people you've got around you are your wife and kids or your wife and the people who work for you, then the degree to which you feel able and willing to share with them that they'll feel able to hold you to account or to give input that's going to be of value to you will be very limited. It is absolutely vital to remember that your wife didn't Sign up to be, you know the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker in your life. She's not your coach mentor advisor doctor counselor she's not all those things she's your friend and she's your lover and she's your playmate which I guess is friend really but that's who your wife is that's who your girlfriend should be for you it's nothing you can't talk about these other things but when she's everything

22:30 And not only does it make your world tiny, but it puts an incredible amount of pressure on her that drains your relationship of fun and passion. So that support accountability you know the no lone wolf mantra looks like you being part of a tribe looks like you being in group of men who are on equal mission who are ready to level up and create more in their lives and buzz off the fact they're doing alongside you And you can do that inside the High Value Man Project. And this is where men level up, this is where you get to have other people say wow what's going on? What are you up to or you get to buzz off the fact that when you get to the end of the year, you've actually moved forward, you've actually achieved some of what you said you were gonna do it doesn't happen by accident happens when you make a commitment to mind the gap

23:31 The mixtape movie or the series ends, a little bit of spoiler alert but it's kind of obvious right? It ends happily. It ends with people letting go of relationships that aren't working, of healing family and friendships that had been strained and broken in the past, of coming back together and creating stuff. And it's about you being at the forefront of that Because that's, as men who we should be. Leading in our lives so that we buzz off who the man in the mirror is. So when we talk to our partner and friends and have got energy about us or something interesting to say, we've got some drive behind what we're up too. That's infectious! That's the man they want you to be. And at risk of going back to sort of the bleak side

24:30 In that using that mixtape program as an example, these people were drained. They were absolutely drained by their existence that wasn't working for them And so yeah, it did end on a high note. It ended on this optimism, this blank page in front of these two people where they were like yes now what are we going to create? Now what are we going to achieve? What are all the things that we said we were gonna do that we can now go and start ticking off in High Value Man Project? That's the bucket list! That's where you create a new chapter for yourself and the people in your lives.

26:51 A three month access to the Inner Circle, which at the moment is $69 a month. And you'll get a power call whether you've had one or not, you'll get a power call as I just explained that Bennett have hit for that. That's how important The Review of The Week is to me! I want to put the podcast really at the heart of everything we're doing on about episode...I think it's about episode 149 now. It either gone past 150 and missed the opportunity to have a big celebration or are about to hit it What I can say is moving over to Riverside has been incredibly bumpy and really derailed me in terms of my flow and processes and everything. But nonetheless, I hope this episode has been enjoyable for you. I hope you go and share it with other men in your life. And I encourage and request you to go and leave me a review. The link is in the notes or just search for Jonnie Jensen Show on your preferred podcast tool. Awesome!

27:48 I'll see you next week. Let's go! Thanks for tuning in to The Jonnie Jensen Show Be sure to subscribe, leave a review and share it with fellow dads Creating the life you deserve starts with YOU Get your High Value Man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvaluemanproject.com Let's Go