Elite Mindset: Build A Ten Out Of Ten Life feat Michael Serwa

00:00 I can speak with confidence that whatever it is that you want, you can have it if you are willing to work hard enough for it for a long enough period of time. Welcome to the Johnny Jensen Show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches, relationships, and results they deserve. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community at highvalumanproject.com. Let's go. Welcome back to the Johnny Jensen Show. It's great to have you here.

00:38 This podcast is for men, for motivated modern men, dads who want to create the same success they have at work as at home, basically. It's my absolute pleasure to have you here today to share with you this guest episode. I'm working on doing some more of these. And we've got in the pipeline a series we're playing with the name of the comeback kings, where we'll be talking to men who've been through trials and tribulations, who maybe have hit rock bottom or started again or completely pivoted or had an

01:14 unexpected life experience and come back bigger and stronger. So if that's you or you've heard other podcasts with men who've got a great story like that, then by all means and please do get in touch, share that with me, and it would be great to have you on as a guest. If you've been here before, then it's absolute pleasure to have you back. If it's your first time, how did you find us? Thank you to those who introduced you and remember to pay that forward. Hit the subscribe button wherever you're listening, watching on your favorite video or podcast platform. And if you're on Apple Podcast or Spotify, most people seem to be on Spotify these days, then click the little button up in the top right-hand corner and leave us a review.

01:56 I think you just click the star actually. It's pretty easy. There's links in the show notes to both Apple Podcasts and Spotify. And that helps grow the show. That helps put us out there in front of more men. This episode is with Michael Serwa, an interesting guy. I know him through a couple of different networks, the key person of influence network, through landmark education circles, Polish guy. He works, he's grown his coaching business from the ground up. He has worked with people at all levels, but finds himself at this point in his business and career at working with really high-end people, people who are up to stuff, whether that be in their business or whether it be in some sort of personal

02:42 endeavor like sporting or acting or, you know, really people who are pushing the envelope. And what I love about Michael and why I enjoy our chats together is his directness. He doesn't afraid to ruffle a few feathers, definitely drops a few F-bombs. So if you're listening with your kids, then you might want to, I don't know, if you're my dad, then you might want to let them listen and teach him as many swear words as possible. But that's just how I grew up, right? Anyway, like I said, be sure to share this episode. And if you're interested in working with us here at the High Value Man Project, whether that's one-on-one in elite coaching with myself or whether that's through our inner circle or accelerator programs, we've got our annual Lodge Firewalking Empowerment event coming up in November.

03:30 So there's so much going on. Get yourself over to highvalumanproject.com forward slash group. Or if you want to speak with me one-on-one, then go to highvalumanproject.com forward slash power call. So without further ado, let's get on with today's guest, Michael Serwa. Michael, absolutely brilliant to have you here on the Johnny Jensen show. Lives in London, comes from Poland, author of From Good to Amazing, a phenomenal coach at an elite level, which you're going to tell us a little bit more about in your own words. But first of all, Michael, in your classic, famous podcast chair there, it's brilliant to have you on the show today.

04:12 How are you doing? I'm great. Thank you for having me, Johnny. I'm looking forward to this conversation. We're not going to get too stuck into your coaching background and things, but suffice to say, anyone can search up your videos on YouTube and see you talk about that at great length. But give yourself a little bit of an introduction just to position yourself. And then we're really going to get stuck into some of the key themes of what's wrong with men today and how can we show up more confidently in the world and really what's the impact of men not living with the kind of confidence that you talk about being so vital. But first of all, let's introduce yourself. Sure. I've been coaching for 14 years and

04:52 I refer to myself as coach for the elite. By elite, I mean people with the elite mindset, not elite background of some. some sort. I don't exclusively work with royals or anything like that. I've worked with one or two, but it's about the way people approach life. It's about the way people see themselves and how capable they are to build a life they want to build for themselves. And I'm there to assist them along the way. So another way of putting it would be: I work with winners. I don't work with your average Joes with no ambition and no drive and

05:30 trying to have an easy life. I work with people who are hungry, people who absolutely are not interested in accepting or tolerating the status quo. And I can speak confidently about how the transition from not quote-unquote normal life to extraordinary life is possible because being a high school dropout, coming to London at 22, so 20 years ago with no money and barely speaking any English. And then four years after starting coaching, back when I was 28, becoming the highest paid life coach in the country. Took me another few years to build a 10 out of 10 life for myself overall.

06:14 But I can speak with confidence that whatever it is that you want, you can have it if you are willing to work hard enough for it for a long enough period of time. Yeah, and that's absolutely concur with that message. It's one of the sort of founding principles of high value man is this contradiction between living a low value life and suffering and struggling and just the downward spiral that it creates. And when you actually position yourself to say, well, what if I was physically and mentally, emotionally strong? What if I was managing my finances and putting the business in place and impacting the community? What if I was managing all of my relationships, not just focusing on one poor woman and dragging her down?

06:59 Like, what if I was having fun and adventure and showing up as really the richness of life? Then what kind of man would I be? Then what kind of life would I have? And you said just magically there, I've heard you say it before about people being able to create the life that they desire, if only they're willing to go out there and get it. Where do you start with people when they come and approach you about coaching? And to be clear, this conversation is not going to be a long conversation about what is coaching and why should people do it. But I think people get the idea that you have to be broken and ruined and on your knees to warrant a coach in your life. But that really isn't the case either.

07:43 Where do you come from in that proposition? Yeah. So first of all, coaches don't deal with quote unquote broken people. If you are broken, you need either a therapist or a psychiatrist if you are really broken. Those people are qualified to help people who are broken. We are not. And in my case, specifically, my clients are often already highly functioning. So not just functioning. So they're at least functioning, but many of my clients are already highly functioning. So far away from being broken. But the reason they choose to work with me because they recognize that they are successful in some areas of the life and often not always, but often for my clients, the money side of things, the career side of things,

08:25 they're financially okay. But sometimes, as you know, that financial success might be built to the detriment of other areas of the life. And it could be love life. It could be health and fitness. So being a generalist, I look at my clients' lives as a whole and I commit myself to X amount of months to do everything I can do to help them create the life they want to create for themselves. And that's by looking at the areas where they are not excelling yet and working in partnership with my clients to get those areas to the same level of similar level of success that they've already experienced

09:11 in other aspects of their life. Yeah, having it all. That's what I call it. Having it all. And Johnny, this is very much linked to how I thought about life in my 20s, right? And as I said, I quit school at 17. So I have absolutely no formal education of any kind. I came to London at 22. I could barely speak English. How I got my first retail job remains a fucking mystery because I must have been some charm because I could barely put a few sentences together, right? And I got a job as a sales assistant in retail, right? So I spoke some English. Obviously, it wouldn't give me the job if I didn't speak any, but it was very, very basic, right?

09:54 right? But the hunger was there. The ambitious world, the ambition was there, right? And then a year later, so 23, I got into personal development. And throughout my 20s, I remember thinking, you know, I had very little, you know, I became a manager. So I've been managing shops and it was paying the bills, but it wasn't fulfilling at all. And, you know, I wasn't doing well with women. You know, I've never been fat, right? Like, I've never been completely out of shape. I've never, I haven't always been in the shape I am in today.

10:32 But I was definitely shit with women. I was definitely doing something that not only I didn't enjoy retail, but also they didn't pay particularly well, right? But because of my deep interest in personal development and my, I suppose, general psychological makeup, I had this idea in my head, like to your point, that I want everything, right? I absolutely fucking want everything. I do not want to just have fulfillment in my career or doing well with the ladies or be in a good shape. I wanted everything, but here is the difference. Because me saying in my 20s, I want everything, there's nothing fucking original about it.

11:15 There's this great quote from James Clear. He said, both losers and winners have the same goals. Right? When you think about it, everybody wants to have money. Everybody wants to have fulfilling relationships. Everybody wants to be in a good shape. Both winners and losers. But what was different about me and what's different about many people out there is that we don't just talk about wanting those things. We do what's required. We put the fucking work in and we don't stop until we get what we wanted, until we build the life that we want, right? So in my case, it took me, I'm 42 now. It took me 34 years to get to the point where I could look at my life, first of all, myself and then my life and say to myself,

12:01 I've arrived. All the elements are in place. All the fucking things that I wanted are in place. First and foremost, I became the kind of man I wanted to become. But it all started with this, not just idea, but this conviction that I absolutely can have it all. It wasn't a question of if, it was only a question of when or how long it's going to take me to get there, right? So it is very easy for me now to sit in front of someone, man, woman, I don't care. I work with both men and women and look them in the eye and say, listen, whatever it is that you want, you can have it. And my criteria, my criteria for clients have nothing to do with

12:45 the background or the industry those people are in, how much money they make. It is about how motivated they are. It is about the work ethic. It is about the chemistry I have or don't have with that, right? Like those are the kind of things I look at because those are the things, those are the ingredients that I need in order to use like a cooking analogy. Those are the ingredients I need to be able to fucking prepare or create a delicious meal. Right. Because when you think about it, you can be the Gordon Ramsey with the state of the art knives and state of the art fucking kitchen. But if you are being asked to create a delicious meal out of shitty ingredients,

13:31 it's just not going to happen, right? It's very important for me to make sure that my clients have the right ingredients so I can, you know, get to work and create something that is remarkable. And there's, that's the sort of the two elements of it is one is the, if we're going to stick with that analogy, the chef, the person in the room. And then the other part is the food and the oven and the, you know, all the tools and the ingredients available to them. So in, you know, in my work, it's, it's very much about letting or making the man realize that for them to create the life that they desire, they need to be operating at the right level because that's because that is basically trying to drive a car that's got only three wheels

14:15 and an empty fuel tank and a cracked windscreen, right? They've got to put the structure around the machine first. When you're working with people, when clients come to you and you see that they're not creating the success they want in all of these areas, how much importance goes into looking at how they're managing themselves, how much they're showing up for themselves, what what they're doing day to day. You said you're fitter than you've ever been. That's a basic foundation of operating well. It's crazy that people are so living chaotically expecting to get great results. how do you break people down at the start to get them to focus on themselves? Yeah, I mean, so I don't need to break them down because when you think about it, if someone is self-aware enough to recognize that their life is not as good as it could be to the point where they think about getting a coach, because I don't do any cold outreach,

15:10 if you will, right? Nothing wrong with that, obviously, it's just not something that I do. So, everyone I meet for the initial consultation, I have around 100 initial consultations per year. So, that's the initial meeting that I don't charge for two to three hours. That's an opportunity for both me and prospective clients to get to know each other, see if the chemistry is right, for me to understand what they need help with, right? Where I'm going with this, the people who reach out to me because they're the ones reaching out to me, they find me, they send an email. So, that in itself tells me that there is a level of readiness, right? Okay, right. And that also tells him because they read my website before they emailed me that

15:54 there is a high probability that the chemistry will be right, right? Because they got a sense of me through doing the research and they have an understanding of what to expect, right? Yeah. And then, um, if my criteria are being met, so the things I was talking about earlier, I feel like this person is motivated enough. If this person is, you know, hardworking enough, if there is some history of success of any kind, right? I don't care what it is. You could come to me at the age of 20 as a student, right? In normal fucking uni, it doesn't have to be Oxford, I don't give a shit, right?

16:37 And if you told me that you were a fucking badminton champion in your local area when you were 14, that would tell me everything I would need to know about you as far as your ability to execute on the things I would need you to execute on if we were to work together. Because that would tell me that you are a fucking champion. Because if you could be that badminton champion age 14, I know that whatever mindset and whatever work ethic, whatever attitude allowed you to achieve that, that will be transferable or can be transferable to other areas of your life. And then I, as a coach, see myself as an enabler, as a tool that people use, and as that combination of someone who has that potential for a transformation and a coach.

17:27 So, the tool that is capable, that's experienced, that's knowledgeable. And when you add that chemistry, that is absolutely critical between a coach and coachee in order to create, coming back to the previous analogy, a fucking Michelin star-level dish. When we have those ingredients together, that's when the magic happens, right? I know that whoever I take on, it's nearly impossible for this person's life not to transform as a direct result of us working together. Because, you know, like I said, we spend those two, three hours together before we even start coaching to suss each other out for me to see if they meet my criteria, for them to see if I meet their criteria, right?

18:11 Because what they see on the website is one thing, but maybe their experience of me, what they need to be, might be different. You know, I think that's really the case. But then, when everything is there, all the ingredients are there, you know, we put all of those elements together, and that's the recipe for a successful coaching relationship leading to a desired outcome for a client, which is obviously the name of the game here. Yeah, yeah. And one kind of final question in this section is: what holds people back from getting coaching? You know, people have this idea that only a certain type of person, you know, is worthy of coaching.

18:48 And yet, Olympic champions have a coach, acting, flipping, Oscar winning people have coaches. Like the people at the top of their game have coaches, and yet for everybody else, it seems like a weird thing to do. Yeah, Jonnie, so you, as you said, you know, if I asked you to give me an example of an athlete, a professional athlete who doesn't have a coach, you would really fucking struggle. Even at a junior, even at a junior level. Yeah, like you struggle because, like, you know, and here's a fun fact: not many people know that personal coaching or life coaching, whatever we call it, originated from sports coaching. So, many people would think that's a form of therapy that is similar to therapy.

19:25 It is not. It is taking the principles that have allowed sports coaches to coach their athletes over the years, over decades, and seeing how those principles can be applied to people who are not athletes. So, people like you and I, like you're everyday athlete. if you will, right? And then, and also, as you said, you know, actors, you know, you will not find an actor who hasn't had acting coaching, right? Or accent coaching and, you know, diction. Like, you know, it's like, not just the really successful ones, they would have a whole army of coaches that they've had throughout their careers, right?

20:06 But, but to your question, I think the number one reason why only a small percentage of people have coaches is that it is not as common. So, you know this, and I obviously know this, but it is not a common knowledge for the average person that something like life coaching or personal coaching, whatever we call it, exists, right? So, like, everybody knows that personal trainers exist. Everybody knows, everybody heard at least about the therapist. Oh, therapist. Yeah, I heard about therapy shrinks or whatever people call it, right? But, you know, we mustn't forget, for us, it's so obvious that it could be easy to forget that the average person doesn't know that life coaching exists, right?

20:48 They don't know it, right? Because it's not part of the common knowledge, right? So, that's problem number one. Problem number two, especially for men, and I know that your podcast is designed for men in particular. This idea of asking for help. Women are so much fucking better at it. A woman has a problem, and within 24 hours, her three fucking girlfriends know about this problem. Her partner knows about this problem, her free, and she probably posted about it on fucking Instagram. A man would have a problem, and for 10 years, before he fucking commits suicide in extreme cases, nobody, even his spouse, didn't realize that he had that fucking problem, right?

21:33 So, obviously, I'm exaggerating both, right? No, but it's true. I mean, it is an exaggeration, but it's also real. That's what happens, yeah. Because it's, you know, there's a reason why there's three fucking male suicides in the UK for every female suicide. It's not because we are dumber as men, it's not because we are dumber, although we might be. I think they said that we're actually less intelligent than women, right? Slightly, but it's not because we are dumber, it's not because it's just like this whole idea of I'm a man and therefore I shouldn't need help to resolve my own issue, and then you fucking kill yourself, you stupid motherfucker, right? So it's like, so like you are too tough to ask for help and then you fucking kill yourself in extreme cases, right?

22:16 So, like, like the hypocrisy, I don't like saying hypocrisy might be that's hard, but like it just doesn't make sense, it doesn't fucking adapt, it doesn't make you less of a man, it makes you more of a man. It's like fucking professional tennis players saying, Oh, I'm not gonna get a coach because you know, I'm a man, I should be able to figure this out for myself, I should be able to figure out by myself how to fucking win Wimbledon. I mean, it would be ridiculous, but I think men, I think men make the problem something outside of themselves, like the condition, the environment, or the circumstances, or that other person, or my competitor. It's always something outside of them that's creating or causing things to be the way they are.

22:57 Men don't realize or haven't been taught, actually, so much of what's going on can be controlled and can be steered, can be engineered from how you are, from how you show up, from the energy that you're willing to give off. And that's where full responsibility gets to be taken. And I think that's why suicide seems like such an obvious way out at some point, because you go, Well, I can't control everything outside of me, so I'm doomed. Fuck it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, so it's often talk about how ignorance and I'm not an exception. I'm ignorant towards certain things, as I find myself being sometimes.

23:35 And then I make a connection that more often than not, when I'm being ignorant towards something, it is because I lack education in that particular domain. And then the more I learn about that thing I was previously ignorant about, the more I start to connect the dots and realize, okay, fair enough. Maybe I was a bit unfair in making that comment or making that judgment, right? So, so the ignorant part here would be this idea, as you were saying, that, oh, it's like it's not my fault. It's like you, you know, you can't expect me to be happy because, like, you know, like I was raised by a single mother.

24:15 It's like, what? I can give you a fucking hundred examples of highly successful men raised by a single mother. Oh, I can't be successful because I'm black. Well, I can give you 100 examples of successful black men. I can't be successful because, you know, I got redundant, you know, and that knocked down my confidence. Like, seriously, it's like, like we say in personal development, if you look for an excuse, you'll always find one. My advice is stop fucking looking. right you're not gonna you're not gonna find something unless you're looking for it stop looking for excuses take responsibility which in itself to you is like an obvious thing but when i say like that which is like one of the most obvious things that i could say some people find it controversial i know yeah all

24:57 i have to say is saying it's my fault all i have to say is like ownership taking responsibility oh it's easy for you to say because you are oh and then the educators are oh no he came from poland you know high school dropout and you know it's it's it's not like i came from a you know rich family i'm a trust fund baby and i'm you know some incredibly good looking guy you know that women are lining up to like sleep with right like everything i have like apart from my height like i i can't take credit for it i'm on a policy can't take credit for

25:37 that but everything else right like i've worked for it right so nobody's gonna tell me especially in this rich country that you can't make money because if i could make money after quitting school at 17 in poland and coming here at 22 with nothing if i could make money so can you if you are born in this country and english is your first language yeah and even if he said oh but like what about disabled people how about i tell you that i had a blind client that i've worked with for two years and three months to be exact

26:17 so i had a you know a huge amount of time to get to know him completely blind i'm not talking about partial partial blindness right completely blind not only he was more productive in terms of what he was doing day to day to this day what he does day to day than most people who are completely you know who can see who can hear you know two arms and two legs not only he was more productive than the average person far more productive johnny this is to me this is almost like i never said that to him and but this is something you know i thought about it then i i think about it to this day

27:02 for two years and three months of coaching him and we're still in touch i have never once heard a single word of complaint how do you explain it i would argue i'm not about you know complaining and that's not that's not something i like to do i find myself doing it and i coach myself out of it's like shut the up you know like i coach myself but but even i would say that if anyone has the right to complain and feel sorry for himself is maybe just maybe a fucking blind guy right to make it worse johnny to make it worse he was only born partially blind and then at 11 years old the doctor prescribed him something that he took some pill whatever it was he went to sleep partially blind and woke up completely blind if anyone has the right to be

27:57 resentful it's him he's not somehow i can't explain like for me it's like how the how that you know i i think about him as an example when i i find myself you know feeling sorry for myself because my my date canceled me last minute or or prospective clients said yes to working with me and then they ghosted me you know they didn't pay the oh poor little me and then i coach myself say shut the up like shut the up you pussy right just just be a fucking man take it on the chin you know uh move on life goes on and all of that and back to what i was saying if you're looking for an excuse you'll always find one but

28:40 that's not the strategy that's gonna get you anywhere the only strategy that's gonna get you somewhere in life whether you are male or female doesn't matter is taking full responsibility and that's bad news and good news right like if you if you agree with this it's if anyone agrees with this theory that is the only that's a good news and bad news at the same time now it's bad news because if you are willing to accept that this is true then you can't blame anyone outside of yourself for the fact that your life is shit or

29:16 suboptimal if it's shit or suboptimal but the good news is that if you are responsible for where you are in life you have the power to change it yeah choice it's one of the most freeing concepts to have someone see is that it is all a choice 100 And you know, leaning into this, where we're where we're headed here today, is this, you know, I'm sort of leaning in towards the topic of like what's wrong with men today, right? And this, we've got elite performers, and then we've got people who are aspiring to have it all, as we've just talked about. There are the masses seem to be in this horrible malaise of not really caring, operating way below sub optimum, and seeming to be oblivious about it.

30:04 But meanwhile, relationships are breaking down, productivity is down, creativity, like we're in the chip. Basically, what's your view? How do you see this? Like, why is it happening? Johnny, I don't know because it's to me. Call me fucking conservative. I don't give a fuck. Not you. Someone might have a fucking. I say things like that, you know, and it's funny because we're talking about me posting on LinkedIn, which I post regularly. And sorry, I saw you got roasted about six months ago. Some reference to almost someone was having a go at you about living in Mayfair. I'd have to go back and see which post it was, but the most it was crazy. They were like having a go at you about where you lived.

30:48 Yeah, I get I get I get roasted so much that I don't even remember like I don't I don't yeah sounds about right. I don't remember that post I'm so fucking used to it. It's like a fucking it's it's uh the funniest thing about it is like someone is like it's always someone I've never met right yeah like like you know some and it's often someone without a fucking picture on LinkedIn which is weird in itself right or like a weird looking picture right it's never like a sane cat exactly back in the day when I used to post on Facebook it would be a picture of a cat instead of yeah right so and sometimes you can feel anger or like someone is like upset you know and I'm just like I'm I'm reading it looking at it and it's and it's call me sick in the head but like I find it entertaining for me it's like because the entertaining part for me is like this motherfucker

31:44 which I absolutely don't care about because I don't know them so like I wish them all the best but I don't know them they trying to hurt me right by saying some mean things on the back of me saying things like you gotta take responsibility you are responsible I never think about like I'm writing the post like oh let me write something controversial yeah yeah yeah today I'm in a provocative I'm just saying what I'm thinking the last thing I'm thinking about is to be controversial or to try to like fucking insult anyone I'm just saying what I'm thinking right and some people get triggered right it's never the successful people by the way it's always people who based on the profiles they you know what you will find is they're frustrated they're frustrated with their own

32:25 life yeah yeah exactly with critics what you will find is that you know and you can comfort yourself if you ever get criticized like whoever's listening to it comfort yourself with the fact that if you if you pay attention you will see that it will never be someone at your level of success or more successful than you criticizing you it's almost always going to be someone less successful than you right that you know that that thing that you said about Mayfairs like how ridiculous of a it's like shall I apologize for the fact that I've done well enough in life to live in one of the the most expensive areas in the world like shall I it's a it's a it's a modest apartment but it is in one of the most expensive eras should I shall I apologize for it like I haven't I haven't you know if I stole in order to be able to

33:10 afford to live here yeah like you should all call me a scamback but I you know I you know I paid for it myself I pay my taxes you know almost always on time not always on time but almost always on time as well so so yeah someone is trying to hurt me and I'm looking at it's like this is this is like it's entertaining for me because like it's it's you're wasting your time like you cannot like I have this rule Johnny I have this rule that I'm the only person that I allow or give permission to make me feel bad about myself I try not to but I'm the only person who can hurt myself I don't give anyone and by anyone I mean anyone the power to hurt me right because when you think about it like oh this person upset me

34:00 this person made you or made me angry this would only be technically possible if they entered your nervous system and triggered that emotion physically which is obviously not possible they said something and then you allow that or did something and you allow that thing that they did that they said or did to trigger your your chemical response right yeah you can control that it is easier for men to control than for women because we are more logical men are more emotional. And you see, saying shit like that, what I just said, if I said that on Income, I can do it as an experiment. I'll do it to him. And like, if I say, like, there's gonna be some

34:43 fucking feminist, some cat lady going, what do you mean women are emotional? You fucking are emotional and we are logical. It doesn't mean that you are only emotional and we are only logical. Can we fucking agree that for the most part, men are more logical and women are more emotional? Every single fucking woman I know would agree with that because it's a fucking fact. It's not a fucking attack on you. It's me stating the fucking obvious, right? And if you take it as you take it as constructive, take it as constructive and we can build on it. We can use it. We work together. And it's like, I'll say things like that. That's a misogynistic comment.

35:26 Fuck sake. I mean, like, how many more women do I need to date and be with? And for me to be like, I cannot imagine a life without women. I love women so much, right? But partially because I know them so well, I know how emotional they are, right? But that's one of the things we love about them. Because if they were like us, logical, analytical, and obviously exceptions, you know, they're more like technical-minded women and more emotional guys. But like, I'm obviously generalizing, right? But that's precisely why we are so fucking perfect for each other in straight relationships because we are different,

36:06 right? And like me being with my fucking edgy, if you will, personality, with my fucking loud and abnormal personality, I am always the most attracted to the women who are the polar opposite of this energy. So very feminine, very sweet, very agreeable, all the things that I'm not. That's the type of woman that I'm most attracted to, right? And then we get together and it works beautifully because she takes with her with her soft feminine energy, she would take my edge off. And with my strong fucking masculine energy, I would make her feel safe. I will make her feel like we are fucking untouchable. Now nobody can fuck with us because that's my mindset.

36:48 Nobody can fuck with me. And certainly nobody can fuck with my woman. It's just a bad idea, right? Like you're going to create problems for yourself if you try, right? Because that's my fucking attitude. I was talking about how call it conservative, but like, you know, I'm definitely, this is maybe linked to the fact that I'm Polish and men in Poland are generally speaking more conservative and men in Eastern Europe in general are more conservative when it comes to a role of a man versus a role of a woman. Again, that's the kind of shit that gets you fucking canceled, you know, but nobody's important. Nobody can cancel me because I'm not famous, right? Thank God. But this is an important dynamic of relationships.

37:30 Yeah, women want to be let. They want to be led. And Johnny, this is this is not some fucking theory that I read about in a fucking book or some theory that I've loosely developed while meditating in the morning. I've worked with over 500 people one-to-one over the last 14 years. Half of them approximately were women. I got to know this stuff I'm talking about. I heard this stuff I'm talking about straight from the horse's mouth, so to speak, right? Because both my male clients and female clients would obviously be honest with me because I'm the fucking coach, right?

38:13 I'm in the fucking corner. They know they can tell me anything and I'll never judge them. And obviously I will never share it with anyone. So they fucking share shit with me. Not once I've heard a female client saying, right? British or non-British, half of my clients are British, half of my clients are foreign, right? Not once I had a female client saying that, I wish my partner, my man, was nicer, sweeter, more gentle. That's never the fucking case. They say things like, I wish he was taking more initiative. I wish she was more decisive. I wish she would fuck me every now and again, as opposed to just making love to me.

38:56 And then I defend those guys, say, listen, you know, in their defense, nobody fucking taught us that that's what you like. You know, so we've watched a bunch of Hollywood movies and we thought that making love is what you want. And you guys learned that actually you don't like it that much, you know? So it's, it's, it's, you know, that's the definition of leadership in a relationship. You're not talking about control and being her flipping boss and not. letting her do that's not the you're not talking about control, you're talking about leading. Not uh, I'm not Andrew Tate, I leave that shit to him and that bullshit to him, right?

39:36 I'm talking about a partnership. It's a similar way how I put it to my clients or prospective clients during the issue of consultations before we start working. Like I said, listen, the way I see it, this relationship, this coaching relationship would be a partnership. I'll be in charge, I'll be the project manager, I'll be leading the process, so you don't need to worry about it. But it's a partnership, and the same with the woman I've been in relationships with. There were partnerships, right? But I was definitely the one leading the decisions or making the decisions and being the man in a relationship.

40:17 Now, some women, many women I've worked with, display similar characteristics to mine. And therefore, in order for their relationship to be sustainable, they cannot be with a man like me because we would fucking kill each other, right? Because we'd be clashing all the time, right? But this is less about this conversation, like what I'm trying to say. This is less about men versus women. This is more about masculine energy versus feminine energy. The more mask, as a general rule, the more masculine the man is, the more masculine energy he has, the more feminine energy he's going to need from his partner in order for that relationship to work.

40:58 And equally, the more masculine energy a woman has, the more feminine, if you will, man, the better for her for that relationship to be sustainable. Now, I am not fucking trying to say for a second that masculine is superior to feminine, that men are better than women, but men are definitely stronger than women. And here is the fucking, again, if I fucking said that on LinkedIn tonight, you would see what would happen, right? The feminist, right? But here is the fucking thing. And again, I know this straight from the horse's mouth. Women absolutely want us to be the stronger ones. They absolutely want us to be the more confident ones.

41:43 They rarely talk about it publicly, but behind closed doors, behind my closed coaching doors, that's what they fucking say. They want the man to be stronger in any possible way. She can be louder. She can have that masculine energy. She can be like, ah, but she still wants her man, even if he's more quiet, more introverted, right? To be strong enough to be able to handle her for her to feel safe because ultimately, and it's a biological evolutionary fucking wiring. Women never got to choose that. They want to feel loved, sure, but they also want to feel safe, not just for themselves, but also for the offspring that they might think about having already having with that man, right?

42:30 So if the man is weak, right? And he will be weak if all he does is fucking play computer games, right? And spends time fucking and money on OnlyFans and he doesn't fucking achieve anything of any kind. He doesn't go fucking, he doesn't go to the gym, right? Because he can't be bothered, because he's too fucking busy getting fat, playing computer games. That's not the kind of man, obviously, that any woman would feel safe around. And then those fucking men will be talking shit about women, how women are not interested in them. Of course, they're not interested in you, motherfucker. Yeah. Right? When you look in the mirror, this is a simple fucking test.

43:15 When you look in the mirror as a man, as a woman, would you want to do yourself? If the answer is no, you have some fucking work to do. If you wouldn't want to have sex with yourself, how on earth would you expect that somebody else would want to have sex with you? Yeah. And the great fucking news about this whole thing is that all those things are changeable. You can be the shortest, the ugliest, the poorest motherfucker right now. And I promise you, if you commit a year or two to personal development, you can transform your life with or without a coach. You will do it faster with a coach. But even with that, there's so much fucking information out there in 2025 that you don't need to pay for.

43:59 Everything that you need to know is already out there and you can access it for free. So there's no excuse. It's not like there's a lack of information. It's like, fuck, there is no library I could access in the town that I live in. Yeah, of course. There are no books. This is not 1950s. information is out there, right? Imagine someone's, you know, neither you or I work with people who are like really at that shit end of the stick, right? But imagine someone who is listening to this. They are successful, right? But every time they get in the shower and they're washing themselves, they're like, fucking hell, I am fat. And then they're not getting as much action off their missus and they're pissed off and fed up about that. Yeah.

44:43 Your coaching, I dare say, you can tell me on this yourself. You're going to point that straight out, right? But then what are the actions they're going to take? Or what are you going to hold them accountable to start taking background in those areas? Yeah, but you see, it's less about because you know, I was saying how you can be, you know, the shortest, the ugliest, the poor. It's you can be short as a man, because that's like one of the stories that men like to tell them. So it's like, yeah, you know, in the context of women, it's like, you can't expect me to be successful with women because I'm so short. Yeah. I can give you 100 examples of short men who are making absolute fucking carnage in the dating life, right?

45:25 Absolute fucking carnage. Same with like being overweight or fat. I know fat guys who fucking just like have women. There's this one client I'm thinking about who's who's you know seriously overweight. I'm not obese, but like seriously overweight because he's so charismatic, because he's such a good guy, because he has such a great people skills. I mean, and not just any woman, I saw pictures of this woman. I mean, this guy's like, this is okay, like, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, if you are overweight right now, if you are broke right now, don't think for a second that you cannot expect to have, if we're talking about dating, to have a um

46:14 flourishing dating life or good dating life until you get a six pack. I don't have a fucking six buck, or until you become like super rich. I'm not super rich, right? I'm comfortable, I'm not super rich, right? But just start working on yourself because you see that overweight client that I've mentioned, he hits the fucking gym, he's on the fucking move, he takes he has the fucking thing that counts it. He takes fucking 10,000 steps per day. He's not a fucking fat guy doing nothing, he's a fucking business owner and a very successful one as well. He just happens to be overweight, not a problem for women. And on top of it, and this is another fucking like a practical tip I can share:

46:57 a woman will be comfortable with whatever it is that you might be conscious of, whether it's your height, whether it's your weight, whether it's your hair situation, as long as she believes you are comfortable with it, right? And using this, I love this guy, using this client as an example, he would make jokes about his fatness. He's like, Look how fat I am. And I know that he, I haven't witnessed it, but I'm pretty sure he talks in a similar way around those women. So they're like, he doesn't give a fuck about being fat. Therefore, as a woman, I don't give a fuck about him being fat, right?

47:39 The same with my blind client. He would make fun of his blindness. And he was making fun of it. So I was making fun of it. And we were just laughing and laughing and laughing and laughing. Right? So, so, but here's why I'm going with this. Because I appreciate that if someone said to you, okay, if you want to have a great life, those are the things you need to do. And unless you achieve those things, you can't expect to have a great life. This might feel very daunting because you might think, fucking now, how many years is it going to take me to lose this many kgs? How many years is it going to take me to build this business, to build this professional success? Yeah.

48:18 Guys, all you got to do is fucking start. That will change your fucking energy, right? Just sign up to that fucking gym. If you don't like to lift weights, fucking start running. Do three hours of fitness of some kind every fucking week. It doesn't matter what it is. Just get yourself out there. Even if it's a fast walk, three times per week, that's a great fucking start. And then switch to some more, how to put it, more intense cardio or weight or weight training, right? You don't have to have a lot of money. I was fucking dating models when I was broke, right?

48:59 In that transitional period from retail to coaching, I was broke. The catwalk model girlfriend I had, she was making more money than me. Did I give a fuck? No, because up to that point, I've already done enough work on myself as a man where I was like, hey, sweetheart. like, this is how it's gonna be, right? Like, I was the guy, I was the leader, right? Again, the confidence is something you can work on. Yeah, so how does a man tune into that? How do they access that inner courage, that inner confidence, that inner charisma? How do they access that? Okay, okay. So, here's my here's my theory on confidence and happiness. So, we can put happiness in the same fucking bracket, right? Because I have a same theory or explanation for both.

49:42 I believe that we are all born both happy and confident, right? There's a saying that children don't need therapy. Show me a two-year-old or three-year-old who's depressed, who is, you know, who is thinking about suicide, right? It doesn't happen, right? So, so we are born happy, we are born confident, and then through events that take place in our formative years or during our formative years, either happiness or confidence or both can get a hit.

50:18 And I appreciate that, right? But what I'm trying to say is that I believe our factory setting, if you will, is that of confidence and happiness, right? And the happiness is like, okay, children are happy, they're fucking happy, they just fucking live it in the moment that they're happiest when you consider it because they don't think about the future, they're not anxious about the future, and they're not concerned about the mistakes that they've made in the past, which is how most of us adults live, is between those two realities of thinking about the future and the things that we have and whether we can have them or not, and then regret of the past, right?

50:58 Those two fucking realities, as opposed to, you know, I'm not saying I'm in the present at all times, I'm not. Monks spend decades trying to get to that point when they can be fully present, right? And, you know, meditate for four days, or sorry, four hours per day to get to that point, right? So I know it's easier said than done, right? But on the subject of confidence, when you think about small children, they are fearless until like you know, you see, you see a child on the train or on the plane. The child will be walking around, looking at people with confidence, touching other people, right?

51:37 And then parents get like, don't talk to strangers, which obviously it's a reasonable advice. But when you think about it, it's like, you know, we are born happy and confident. So this is this is like I'm answering your question, right? Like this is the most important thing to remember because if that's our factory setting, if you agree, not you, but like anyone listening, if you agree that this could be true, that means that you don't need to learn anything new, you need to unlearn certain things because you were born happy and confident, right? So the baseline is this, what I'm trying to say. Like you have in you the ingredients that you need to have.

52:15 You just gotta stop telling yourself the fucking stories that keep you away from allowing yourself to express yourself in this world the way you want to express yourself, which is authentically and unapologetically, which is what I've been doing my whole life or trying to do my whole life. And yes, when you do that to the extreme I do it, you get some fucking backlash sometimes, right? When you talk about the things I talk about publicly on LinkedIn, yes, you get some shit from strangers. Who cares? Who cares? I don't know those motherfuckers, right?

52:53 I know who I am. And no guy in fucking Malaysia living with his parents can make me question my integrity or make me question who I am. I know who I am. I spent 42 years learning about who I am. So you want to, like anyone listening, you want to trust that you have all the fucking ingredients in you. You just got to fucking start acting on it as opposed to just reading more books, right? If you are, if you are that far and you start reading books, you're much better off reading one book and fucking implement the things the author talks about in that book. You can start with my book, very easy read, super easy read. One book and you implement things from that book as opposed to going from one book to another, right?

53:37 There is this, there's this seventh person development avoidance activity. It's like, oh, I'm working towards my goals, but like, what have you actually accomplished in the last 12 months? Oh, I've read 16 books. No, no, but what have you actually done? Like, have you spoken to a woman in a bar or like created a hinge account? Or have you have you have you got a better job? Have you lift some weights? Oh, no, no, no. I'm getting ready. I'm reading. It's like, yeah, I'm 72 books away. away from being ready. Like, you don't need to read any books. Like, you don't need to read any fucking books, right? But all you got to do is to get out of your fucking ass and whatever it is, like, you know this.

54:22 If you're listening to this, it means that you are smart. If you are smart, you fucking know at least more or less what you got to do. It's not the lack of knowledge, it's the lack of implementation of that knowledge. And start small, you know, don't think about like, oh, I need to like become a millionaire or I need to date models. I need to have a six spike. Just fucking start small. Just get out of the house. Look out online for people who you resonate with. Follow those people. There's so many fucking great people out there offering free advice every fucking day. Any platform you choose, there's going to be someone you're going to resonate with. Might not be me for everyone. It certainly won't be.

55:02 But for anyone listening, there's going to be a whole bunch of people that you can learn from. And just remember that with some very few exceptions, like Donald Trump, being one of them, a successful person, what a fan, but a successful person who's basically a trust fund baby. Most of those people who you can follow online, they're self-made. They came from nowhere. They didn't have a rich dad who gave them, I think it was a million bucks, who gave Donald million bucks to start his property fucking thing, right? For the most part, they're self-made, like myself. What my man can do, any man can do.

55:38 Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. I'm a big believer. And I can, like I said before, I know I can talk about it with confidence because nobody can fucking question. Nobody can say, oh, it's easy for you to say because you went to Eton and then you went to Oxford and your father's a baron. I had a client like that, lovely guy, Eton, Oxford, son of a baron, very good looking, tall, you know. Yeah, somebody could, if this guy went online and started saying shit like me, yeah, sure enough, somebody like, yeah, it's easy for you to say because you have everything like, you know, handed to you on a silver platter, which he did, right? But that's certainly not my story. And everybody who knows my story, you know, it's not that hard to fucking like, yeah, okay.

56:21 Yeah, maybe this guy could do it. I could do it. You absolutely fucking can. I'm such a believer, a massive believer in human potential. I don't care what your starting point is. Forget about me and my fucking high school dropping. If the fucking blind guy can do it with a big fucking smile on his face without a word of complaint, what is your fucking excuse? Beautiful. That is an awesome way as we sort of roll on towards the hour, Michael, to wrap this up. It's just been a real pleasure hearing you. I mean, it's been more you talking than me, and that's absolutely fine. As always, with the way that these such chats end, what's a great way for people to connect with you?

57:05 And you mentioned your book as well. If someone's interested in really soaking up your approach to these things, how should they go about that? Very simple. Michael Serwa.com. And from there, you will find everything there is to be found, including links to my book and links to the social media platforms I'm active on at the moment. Yeah. And we'll put those in the show notes as well. Thanks again, Michael. Thank you for having me, Johnny. You're welcome. Thanks for tuning in to the Johnny Jensen show. Be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with fellow dads.

57:43 Creating the life you deserve starts with you. Get your high-value man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvalumanproject.com. Let's go.