Who Your Are Being Decides Everything

00:01 Welcome. Who you are being changes everything. And if you're not aware of who you're being, then this episode of the Team Super Dad podcast is for you. Roll theme. Welcome to Team Super Dad. Real dads creating their best lives ever. More time, more money, more fun. You are not alone. You're on Team Super Dad. Welcome, everybody. It's great to have you here. Yes, we're back. Team Super Dad, if you are a man, a dad, you could even be an uncle or a granddad.

00:45 It's absolutely fine. And if you're a mum, you're also welcome as well. This is about creating strong families, about men living the life they desire, not a life they feel stuck in. That is the Team Super Dad ethos. If you're on the live, then give us a hello, a comment on all the socials. You'll be able to do that. If you're watching a replay, of course, give us a hashtag replay. We'll tickle the algorithm there. But also, it gives me a chance to see who's watching. And if you're watching on the podcast, you're not going to be watching on the podcast. If you're listening on the podcast, it's always, you're my favorites. The long-standing loyal listeners. This is like year three, year three, season four. It might even be year four of the Team Super Dad podcast.

01:29 We've been getting an episode out each week since January 1st and following in this first half of 2023, the power code, my methodology for strong, confident men to create the life they desire. And it's about really business-owning men. Most of my clients are business-owning men and it's about them creating the success that they have at work in their home life and in their personal life. Really, rather than feeling burnt out and giving everything they've got for their work and their family, but to take back some of that control, put the focus on themselves, put the focus on yourself so that you have more to give for everybody else around you.

02:14 You cannot pour from an empty cup. And that hit home for me more than ever when sadly my brother, death by suicide, I was at a very low ebb at that point and boom, it took me out. I had nothing left. Couldn't really function, maybe not surprisingly. But that was the end. But it was also the start, the start of my rebuild and the start of Team Superdad and bringing us here today. It's nearly spring. I keep hoping and praying that the sun is going to come out constantly because I am done with the cold.

02:54 I don't know where you are in the world, but let me know. Let me know in the comments. Where are you tuning in from today? It would be good to know. I know we have a lot of members in the Super Dad Club from America, as well as the UK. For anybody who's watching closely on the video, you might notice my right eyebrow. I was having a bit of a shave down today, trimming everything up. And I've done a bit of a whoopsie on the right eyebrow. I don't even know how, but I managed to carve like half the eyebrow out. And I think the only way I'm going to be able to fix it is to pretty much shave the whole eyebrow off.

03:39 So I'm not sure. Let me know in the comments. Am I going to let it grow back like it is? Or am I going to shave the whole thing off because it's going to look a little bit less ridiculous? I don't know. That does dovetail beautifully into today's topic. Who you are being determines everything. Who you are being changes everything. It decides everything. It's one of the most powerful questions any of us can ask ourselves to have that level of self-awareness so that we become conscious, conscious of literally who we're being in every moment.

04:20 It is powerful. And the crazy thing is, it's just as powerful when you realize it as when you don't realize it. And of course, they are at opposite ends of the spectrum. When you don't realize it, you can bring absolute carnage to yourself, to the environment around you. And not all the time, of course. But the opposite of that is when you are totally connected to who you're being, then you have choice. You have the ability to influence every situation. And that could be your own confidence, your own freedom in any given moment.

04:58 But it could also be the experience. experience of others around you you know if you wake up in the morning one of the expressions i struggle with the most is i'm not a morning person okay i'm not a morning person so people who say that generally are really grumpy and moody and generally to be around in the morning now i don't know about you but i struggle with that because now i realize some people might like a bit more space in the morning but to choose to be a way that gives you the apparent right or freedom to be an absolute arse to everybody is bollocks

05:38 in my in my opinion nothing gives you the right to wake up and be grumpy with everybody around you just because you decide you choose that you're not a morning person so your way of being is i'm not a morning person so if you if i say right here right now i'm not a morning person how do you hear that what are the the ways of being that you associate with someone who says i'm not a morning person right they're going to be probably grumpy they're going to be moody they might be quite abrupt uh rude uh unaffectionate um maybe in uncompassionate like lacking in compassion

06:24 i can't really think of anything positive about the expression i'm not a morning person right so that's a really strong example for me of about a way of being now i didn't really i didn't really know much about this until i was 32. uh i did the landmark forum it wasn't the first thing i'd done on my personal development and coaching journey but it it it was probably the most powerful up until that moment and prior to that i kind of had the i kind of felt like

07:01 life just happened who i was was who i was and that was and that was fine some days it would be good some days it would be bad when it was bad it wasn't fair it was happening to me um and when it was good yes brilliant i hope it will carry on tomorrow i don't know if it's going to hurry i don't know if it's going to carry on tomorrow but i hope it's going to carry on tomorrow so there's a lot of uh there's a lot of uh powerless that's not really a word is it but there's there is a distinct lack of power when you don't feel you have control over how you're being okay now it can get a bit more sinister than that but we'll get onto that in in a moment looking at

07:47 it in a more positive way or trying to relate this to you in in real life circumstances just like the i'm not a morning person you might have been at a party or you might be aware of a particular character of person who when they enter a room when they show up at a party it's like wow who who just arrived what's what's going on what's the the energy the temperature just cranked up a little bit in here because of their arrival that more often than not will be someone who's very tuned into their way of being like when i show up i show up like this and it has this result

08:29 and in and around team super dad and the power code process this is what we're creating for the for the men you know in in team superdad this is about the life that you want to lead whether you do enter a situation with energy with power right and not power like i'm in charge kind of power but just a force like a whoo who's that i want to be around that person you know for our partner for our kids in our work this when you start to understand this right and it really is something first of all to understand but then second of all to be able to play with then you create this whole new level of freedom going into any situation now

09:16 during i mentioned before about those that tough time you know my brother and and you know that real loss of power after that time who i was being right because even if you know this sometimes there can be stuff going on in in your in your life in your circumstances where even though you know something you don't have a good handle on it and certainly around around my brother's death around my marriage breakup i had a complete loss of of power like where where i was at was i was at was this isn't fair i'm as angry so my best being was basically angry

09:57 despair and a real hopelessness because at that time everything felt like it was just running through my fingers like I couldn't I couldn't catch anything it was all just slipping away and so despite my best efforts in like it inside me like as a gut feeling losing my brother, losing my wife, not seeing my kids every day, like it was a real, my being was of loss. And I don't suppose being around me was that much fun. You know, if you've been around anybody who's experienced quite a lot of loss or had a breakup, then you will know that, you know, despite how much love and compassion you've got for them, it's quite tough.

12:36 Now, it really isn't something that you can force, right? It is something to play with, okay? But still, where do we go to create that? Well, the first part is getting present to how you're being in the first place, right? Who am I being? Now, a really easy way I like to share with my clients about this is, right, is imagine you're a fish. As bizarre as this sounds, you could say, imagine you're in the bath, right? Or imagine you walked into a room, but I like to say, imagine you're a fish. How is the water? Like, how is the water? Like, as if we are

13:18 that fish, right? And we're walking around, very few times do we actually say to ourselves, how's the water, right? Or how's the, how am I feeling right now? What's the environment like? What's the sensation? Is it cold? Is it warm? Is it edgy, frightening? Like we start to get really present to what's our experience in the moment. So someone who's about to, I don't know, about to do a presentation, about to do a pitch to a new client, like, how's the water? Ooh, it's a bit chilly. Like, I'm a bit concerned. I'm not, I'm not really at peace in this situation. You're like, okay, right, right. So there's something there that I want. So how do you want it to? How would you like the water to be?

14:02 Right, got it. Okay. So who am I going to be to bring that shift in energy? You might notice if the water's cold, that you're nervous, that you're attached to the outcome, like you're concerned about not getting the deal or concerned about her not saying yes to the date or you're concerned about having a row with your mum or dad because whenever you turn up to say hello to them, they're a miserable get, right? Like, what is it? Because you can't change other people. That's the fundamental part of this process is letting go of the idea that we can change other people.

14:44 The only power we really have is how we show up, is who we're being in that moment. So, how are you being? Right, I'm nervous, I'm concerned about losing, I'm worried about getting it wrong, um, I'm gonna let people down. Like, if that was how you're being going into that sales pitch, going into that date, then clearly you're not gonna be the best version of yourself. So, what you want to do is flip it. You want to flip the situation, flip the being into something that's going to have a positive impact on that moment, have something that's going to bring a different experience, a different temperature to the water.

15:34 Now, you don't want to force it. So, what do I mean by don't want to force it? If you were going to say, well, I really want to be confident, right? Okay, so how am I going to be? I'm going to be confident. Well, it's not like a switch where you can suddenly decide, I'm going to be confident, I'm not going to be confident. Because if it was that easy, then you wouldn't necessarily be feeling unconfident, nervous, feeling like anyone's going to let you down. So, you want to come up with ways of being that are going to give you access to that confidence. Okay, so in my work, I call it the three-word power play. Now, you're going to look for three words that, or it could be part of a phrase, that are going to sum up for you your new way of being in that moment.

16:19 And it's something to play with. It doesn't mean it's going to instantly work, it definitely doesn't mean it's going to be instantly comfortable, but it is just an access to the result you want. Now, what does that mean? Okay, so where were we talking about, and I made some notes here earlier, we were talking about that time and I was the breakup and the and the grief. So, the way of being, my new way of being at that time, I went back and looked in my journal, right? The way of being that I tried on, that I was playing with as a conscious way of being was happy, strong, and trusting. Happy, strong, and trusting. So,

17:10 I can't, I'm just, I just paused every second because I'm trying to look back on what on everything that was like. It was a desperate time. So, it was for me in that moment, those words were like a suit of armor that I was putting on. I was looking for strength. Um, they might not be that appropriate in all situations, they might not appear appropriate today. I don't think they necessarily are that appropriate today, they'd be slightly different today. Okay, I was actually looking at my ways of being for April. Literally, we're on the first of April today, because I like to try my way, a new way of being on each month, right? So, what I've picked for April is playful, courageous, and free.

17:56 Playful, courageous, and free. Similar to happy, strong, and trusting, but not necessarily the same. And that's because you're just looking for that moment in time to create the result that you want. Your way of being will be felt by others around you, it'll be felt by yourself when you start that conversation when you go into that situation. And you can't expect an instant result. There are occasions when literally that is what happens, it's almost miraculous. The times when that happens is generally when you cause a breakthrough for yourself.

18:40 It might not be the first day you've tried on your new ways of being, your three-word power play. But if you've been playing with them for a week, one of my dads, one of my guys, we've been playing this game around talking to women. You know, he's been through a breakup and he's not really looking to date, but he's just aware that he doesn't have a lot of interaction with women. So, the game has been to chat, to engage in conversation with women as he just comes into contact with them through his day-to-day life.

19:18 That could be someone at a restaurant, it could be someone in the supermarket, it could be someone after a meeting. The encouragement from me to him was: there's women all around us. The idea that we can't say hello to people, or the idea that we can't wave to a neighbor, as I said to him, it's not about how attractive you find them, or how young, or how old, or it really is about. about the practice of talking to women. And I'm not going to share, I can't remember mainly, but I'm not going to share

19:54 his three-word power play. But it was definitely free, was in there, which is how I come to put my mind in there for April. And his experience is that it's become easier for him to have those conversations. He's become more noticeable how the women that he's talking to are responding. Because it's not that when you go up to someone, they're definitely going to say hi or great or give me a number or whatever the outcome might be. But when you approach them concerned, anxious, worried about how they're going to respond, then the likelihood is the words that come out of your mouth, the energy that is experienced by the person talking to you is going to be very different than someone who's playful and courageous and free,

20:46 let alone how you then speak. So your way of being, and I'm not even sure how this is all coming across, it gets quite ethereal, but it's also really very real. So try on this week. Have a look, perhaps, at a situation you've been experiencing with your partner, right? What's your way of being with her for the last month, for the last year, for the last five years? Get honest with yourself. Like if your way of being with them is frustrated, expecting the worst, and generally resigned that it's never going to get better, like, oh my gosh, start to get present to that's my way of being with them.

21:33 If you've got teenage kids, and I've been had this with my eldest, my boy recently keeps pissing everywhere when he goes to the toilet, right? Which clearly every boy does. I'm pretty sure every bloke does, but I think hopefully the difference is when we get to a certain age, we actually clear it up. So, but my way of being with him was intensely frustrated. And I realized that I was being like that to him, not just around the bathroom subject, but it was seeping into other subjects. So I had to notice and check my way of being from frustrated to accepting and loving.

22:12 You know, I didn't get frustrated when he was one and I had to change his nappy. So, kind of, where do I get the right to be this frustrated with him now? Notice your way of being. And be playful with it. Like I said, don't expect instant results, okay? But be open to it happening. Don't expect it to be easy instantly, but be open to it becoming familiar, to becoming for a more enjoyable way of being. Certainly being joyous is better than being frustrated. And an interesting one, just to finish off today, I was talking with another one of

22:56 Team Superdad coaching members, clients, and his experience of going to visit his mum was pretty negative. And we went through the session and we were talking about his way of being. And we unpacked, we unraveled, we revealed the idea, the realization of how he was showing up when he went there. He was expecting her to be miserable, grumpy, negative. And then I said to him, When was the last time you hugged her? When was the last time you told her you loved her?

23:41 Now, it's very hard to be loving and tactile to someone who you think is grumpy, miserable, and negative, right? Notice that. Okay. So he created a new way of being, a three-word power play about how he's going to be when he's with his mum. Loving, I think it was loving, accepting, and what was the other one? Loving and accepting. I forget the other one, but can you see the difference that it might be when you show up somewhere and you're going to be loving and accepting the conversation? Oh, and chatty. That was it. Loving.

24:27 The third one was chatty. Okay. Because it can be that simple, right? So it really, I told him, you can't expect this to suddenly make a difference. difference. But when she starts to notice you each time showing up as that loving, accepting, and chatty person, then her experience of you will shift. And then maybe your experience of her will shift. And that's the magic here: we are always creating the people around us. Our being gives them their being, which then gives us our being. The problem is, we always think it starts with the other person.

25:07 It doesn't. So, ownership. When you own your way of being, you have complete control, but when you own your way of being, you have complete control of your experience in every single moment. It doesn't matter how it's going. Some people dance in the rain, some people run from the rain. It's who you're being about it raining. Okay. Thank you for tuning in this Saturday. I hope you've enjoyed this. I hope you reviewed and considered your way of being. What's been your way of being and what's going to be your new way of being? Feel free to comment and chat.

25:46 Send me a comment, send me a DM with your way of being for April and let me know how it's going. Don't forget to subscribe, like, share this with anybody you think would value this conversation. And of course, teamsuperdad.com forward slash 15 call. I look forward to helping you, working with you, and seeing you as part of the Team Super Dad group. This is Johnny. Enjoy the rest of your weekend. Team Super Dad out. Bye. This has been Team Super Dad.

26:25 Find us at teamsuperdad.com. Join the program and create the best life ever for you and your children. You are not alone. You're on Team Super Dad.