Who You Are Being Changes Everything

00:00 Most men don't realize they can choose how they feel in any given moment and until you do, You're stuck reacting to life not shaping it. Your being changes everything! Roll theme... Welcome to The Jonnie Jensen Show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches relationships and results they deserve. Get your High Value Man blueprint and join our community at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go! Hello men welcome to the High Value Man show well actually The Jonnie Jensen Show I am the founder and creator of the High Value Man Project

00:44 And it's absolutely brilliant to have you here once again. If you're coming back, if you're here for the first time then of course welcome! Be sure to subscribe wherever you are watching or listening YouTube You can imagine the more people we have subscribing to the channel The more YouTube's going to show that to other people. Same goes for the podcast, whether you're listening but if your on Apple Podcasts or Spotify then hit the follow button I think it is on Spotify. Subscribe I think it is an Apple Podcast but make sure your getting every episode of the podcast live when it happens when it comes out

01:23 My glasses on I have come to the conclusion that when i'm doing anything involves reading they gonna have to be on now until i decide to get contact lenses and so yeah welcome for the classes. The high value man project we are on a mission to create the Positive mental physical emotional state for men, dads around the world. Too many men are simply struggling when they should be thriving and that's not like apparent on the outside right? We're successful where we seem to be creating all things that we desire but somewhere in amongst it all there is a level of frustration,

02:09 Oh my lays that's not just a big complicated word for you know basically going down instead of up struggling is that a thriving that's my life and it's not what we put on this earth to do is not the opportunity we given in life so. Tune in, share this. Let's support men around the world in particular you know the mission is to reduce the number of divorces and male suicide but you know you got understand that at the point in which men reach that point there's a whole load of struggle and strife gone on before that and that is where too many men are showing up

02:48 And what we really need for our wives, for our children and for our businesses is for men to be thriving. To show up as the confident charismatic leader that they can and do want to be If any of that interests you then get yourself over to the highvaluemanproject.com forward slash group, that will enter you into the base camp where we've got things like The High Value Man Checklist, The Relationship Reset Conversation and the U2.0 program basically entry level complimentary tools I support for you as an introduction to the work we do inside the inner circle and the elite one on one really everything we got going on here at the high value man project. Part of this subject or us all is recognizing how we show up, how in any given moment we can choose how we want to feel how we want to be

03:47 Not everybody realizes this. I didn't realize it, i had to learn it and share that story with you in a moment but is like a superpower when you realize when you understand that in any moment whether your entering into room or your about to engage an argument with you with the kids are your wife like you get to choose what happens next and thats not about controlling the other person or some kind of dominating, like you can control what happens next. It's your being that changes everything and if you're coming across as frustrated then the situation is going to go one way if you're coming across as aggressive than the situation is gonna go another way If you are closed...if your expecting the worst... if you're apprehensive anxious these are all kind of negative versions of being right

04:50 There is a complete opposite to that, which is words like proud, bold confident open understanding willing joyous excited. You know these are higher energy ways of being higher energy feelings and emotions higher energy intentions You have the freedom to choose those whenever you want. You hear me say often like some people dance in the rain, some people hide from the rain that's a choice your choosing what to do in response to rain now if you can get your head around that then consider that you can control how you're going to respond how you're going to feel how you're going to be any given moment

05:47 A brilliant book which really highlights this in quite a deep way but still very accessible book is Victor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning. It's the story of of Jewish psychologist in Second World War Germany and how he ends up in concentration camp and how he survived He was interested in his state of mind and how he identified or how we frame the situation and recognized his mindset around it. Powerful book really, and accessible too its not like some thousand page book its a powerful read

06:34 Recognizing that in the midst of a really seriously difficult time under conditions that tested his mental capacity is physical capacity to the extreme he was able to see his way through it whilst around him other people were succumbing not just to the flipping. You know to the nazis in terms of you know tens of dying but how they might Die before they got to the flipping gas chamber or something like that die out of a loss of hope die out of despair, die out of simply giving up so there's a very vivid and real example you can bring that back round to everyday life.

07:22 Which I guess brings me to the story of how i realized this for myself. I was on a course, program something at Landmark Education. I got a feeling it was actually the Landmark Forum there you know the first weekend I ever did with Landmark and I sat on The Tube like the London Underground going home or going back to the friend's house that I was staying out for the evening and I was pretty frustrated Kind of all in my head, somewhat annoyed. I wasn't really getting it. Other people at the event, Landmark Forum is probably three or four hundred people there if you're a bigger one and like people were like oh this is amazing! Oh guess what? I've seen...oh I realized this and I was just in my head trying to work it all out

08:16 And on the tube going back, and it was actually quite late at night so there wasn't many people especially as we got to the edge of the tube line. It was dark so you could see reflection in the window opposite me and I noticed how sort of down my energy was how negative, how despondent, how frustrated like i said i was feeling Tube gets out of the underground bit and now we're out in the open clacking along, clacking along. And my phone rings it's my family from Chicago and they just been to watch a movie at the cinema at the cinema that we always go to when I'm over there certainly when i was you know as a kid

08:58 And they're like, Whoa Jonnie! How's it going? And they got it on. I don't even think it was videos back then and it was probably about 2006 so it's probably just a voice call and yeah they're like we miss you We love you This movie was great Remember when we saw this remember we saw that and like as though like a five minute interaction We hung out when we said goodbye i once again saw my reflection in the window of the tube on opposite me and my whole being shifted. I was lit up, I was energized, I was smiling, I was thinking good things like I was thinking obviously happy thoughts about them have happy it was spiraling off other positive thoughts and in that moment I got it. I was choosing

09:54 Prior to the call I was choosing to be frustrated, despondent confused annoyed like almost like dogging on myself because i wasn't getting it. Then I get the phone call which really didn't change anything I was still on the same tube in the same seat in the same clothes going in the same direction I will steal the same person how everything had shifted now it was at the phone call yes of course But, bit like the dancing in the rain thing I could have come off the phone call and chosen to go straight back to the way i was feeling before but i didn't. It it was a response to the phone call yes but it was still when you slow down the moment when you slow down time and actually observe what's going on this is one of their tricks the secrets that im gonna tell you in a minute When you slow down time and catch yourself your realize that it is a choice

10:53 I was feeling up be as a result of feeling of talking to my family appearing their voices are thinking positive things when you see, when you get that you have that control yourself is like a superpower because in any given moment. Either in the moment like about to have an argument with my missus or some sort of Preparation for the moment like I'm not looking forward to today or about to do a presentation and i'm feeling quite nervous, or about have a sales call when i'm feeling a bit anxious. Pessimistic instead of optimistic if you can slow down time and catch that then you can start to put in the practice of noticing how your being and deciding to pick a new way of being now there's some brain science and stuff that's going on here

11:52 Your being is a moment to moment state it's like your emotional posture closed and hunched over or shoulders back and ready for action. And like any muscle in the body this is something you can work on, you can train, you can find yourself doing this almost naturally once you get the grip on it People say to me, oh I don't really get it. I don't really understand or how can i just force myself to be something that I'm not? Well its not really like that either It's choosing a way of being, choosing a way to show up and then playing with it, trying on

12:39 I've been like well if i was feeling proud and lit up energize if i was feeling those things how would i be right now what would i say to this person what would my face look like all my facial expression be will be my. Anticipation of this conversation I'm about to have. Would i hugged this person or would i shout at them? You know, would I listen and engage in the conversational? Would I annoyingly defend and resent them like they're the moments there the complete opposite position that you can take when you choose your being

13:20 And like I was saying, just like a muscle. The more you practice this the more strength you get the more you're able to catch it in the moment and flip it last night we were at parents evening there with my ex and my son and there was a little moment of tension which seriously did my head in but I was able to catch Myself I was able to notice what was happening as a result of me feeling that way where the situation is headed and i was able to recognize. It's not really gonna work that's not really gonna have this evening go the way that i wanted and then able to powerfully shift it doesn't mean forget and ignore what's going on it doesn't mean roll over in take a kick in the nuts it doesnt, its like succumbing to something

14:12 But it's noticing the way in which you're showing up in that moment. And like, part of the superpower is seeing into the future, seeing what the net result of that is going to be and deciding Is that what I'm committed to? Is that the outcome that I desire because if isn't then you got a shift the way being It's almost like a recipe, you know. Like a cake mixture or dinner that you're cooking if you chuck the wrong ingredients in it's going to turn out like crap! If you put the right ingredients in its gonna turn out great and if you really know what your doing there might be a couple of secret ticks and tricks tips on things you can add like I pinched this and pinch of that slightly less time than whatever it might be has come out even more spectacular

14:59 Have you ever been in a situation where you've been somewhere and someone walked into the room, and their energy just lit that room up. Their presence was like a complete shift! That's what I'm talking about you having for yourself. And part of this part of having control over this particularly when you're engaging with other people is You feeling that the things that someone else is doing or the things that someone else is saying to you are causing you to be something, causing you to feel something and that isn't necessarily the case. It could take you a moment to get your head around this but consider...you're in a room with other people and whilst they're not really part of the conversation you have and they are there, they can overhear it

15:55 The thing that the person you're with is saying to you, let's just presume it is your wife or one of your kids right. The thing that they are saying to you is directed at you. It might feel personal, it might feel like an attack on you but the person next to you is going to hear those exact words They're going to see it pretty much exactly what you're saying but their interpretation of it and their response is gonna be completely different because its not them that's hearing in the way that you are feeling at the way that you are or choosing the way to respond like you are about.

16:39 That's real freedom that's an incredible level of power you can say to the person who previously would have said something allowed you to be angry and respond in a shitty way. That's interesting thank you for saying that I really don't agree but here is what i'd like to suggest in response with a smile on your face with a laugh however you decide to be It's a choice. That doesn't mean it's going to work, it doesn't mean that is perfect but there's no such thing as perfect! It just could be a better way... A way that you have way more control of, a way that you get to create and generate in such a way that it's taking you towards the result that you desire and taking you towards the commitment that you've got in your mind and heart about the life fundamentally, the life that you want for yourself and the people around you

17:34 Tony Robbins says it's not the events of our lives that shape us but our beliefs about what those events mean or what that person saying means. Can you see that? Your being is a moment to moment state, its your emotional posture as I said before so how do you develop this skill how do you develop this superpower one thing you gotta get your head around is that our mind is constantly doing this all time It's constantly coming up with versions of events based on how we feel or based on what we think the person is doing and that version of events is leading us to respond the way that we did. When you can see that time, at least in your mind can be slowed down and analyzed our brain can work way quicker than we give it credit for

18:30 You do have power over this. Now it could be something that you decide in the morning and actually, this is a great way of flexing that muscle of working that muscle out when to start your day choose your three word power play choose it as your way of being choose proud energized and ready for action choose free bold Understanding like whatever the words that you're gonna pick choose them and three. I know they call it the magic of three, it seems to me in another places as well as during landmark events it three seems to work because there's a roundedness to it is going to say im gonna be bold but you might wanna be empathic as well

19:21 Watch out for words that are a bit of a shoehorn, a bit of a fix. A bit of an oh if I do that then everything's going to work out like confident can be one of those it's very hard to just flicker switch and say i'm gonna be confident because If you're not fundamentally confident about something what is probably the reason for that? You can't just like confident on confident off but you can see for yourself If i was being confident in this situation how would i be being what would i be doing i will be paying i'll be relaxed i'd be charming or charismatic, i'd be playful i'd be ready to chat right not everything has to be one easy word right.

20:12 So if you were looking for a way to be confident right, you might say I'd be relaxed charming and ready to chat. Now that as something you can try on that has a little game for you to play with yourself is much easier than saying i'm gonna become pretty good because of god be confident no i'm going to be playful i'm gonna beat charming gonna be silly even It doesn't mean it's gonna work you could go into a networking event and choose the way of being silly and it be completely ridiculous not work that doesn't matter. It's way better than being anxious in concerned and then withdrawn when you can say rock about silly didn't really work for me okay what is okay

21:00 I could be playful okay now what would i do if someone was chit chatting to me and being playful, oh yeah i did one of those. You suddenly find yourself relaxed and engaged in the moment and this is by trying it on at the beginning of the day you are taking control of these things that subconsciously happens anyway This in terms of mindset and managing our emotional response to situations, particularly like managing our positive energy is really important. Because if you're going through a bit of a tough time or things have been a stressful challenge your way of being will shift towards that and then if how your showing up is like that then the people around you are gonna respond like that it's gonna get quite heavy It's gonna get more tense which is going to impact your way of being even more

21:56 If you're oblivious to all this, then it just feels like the whole world is against you. Everything's going wrong and that really isn't the case when you take control and pick your three word power play. You pick your way of being in the morning and you get to have a say in how the day goes Back to the point about this being a muscle is that when you practice like that, when you try on each day and take it for test drive. You get to see the way that you feel about it? You get to see the different response from other people and when those responses are positive you can bank it! You can say oh okay I like that do you know what

22:34 This this of feeling proud about myself and about what i'm up to this feeling bold is feeling energized really works. I'm gonna stop but i'm just gonna make that part of who i am which is very different from people being a bit of a negative pain in the ass or even a bit of an overly confident person, here's a cool thing you can do it anyway to access these are some other people closest to you what its like being around you What are some of the things that you notice about me that are both good and positive and easy to be around, what's some of the ways about me they're a bit tricky to be around or uncomfortable or a bit awkward. Someone will let you know someone loves your freedom to say shit things i'm not gonna hold it against you

23:26 That kind of insight is rich. It's a rich vein that you can tap into and play with, you do have control. You're not just plonked on this piece of rock and like everything happens to you And this is some of the magic of it This is the superpower This is the high value man way of being Its a level of control and freedom and power that allows you... Can you hear that lawnmower outside? Sounds like I'm getting buzzed, like Top Gun. Like the tower's getting buzzed hopefully the noise reduction will cut that out but yeah it's a magic is super power and is there something that other people don't necessarily know about or don't necessarily have access to so it gives you such a moment by moment positive experience and then that stretches over the rest of your life

24:21 Joe Dispenza whose work I really love you know it's not just about meditation right is really about understanding that the way that we think shapes and molds how our brain functions. He's got us quote neuroplasticity, that's neuroplasticity like the I'm gonna get this totally wrong. Neuroplasticity is about how active and effective your brain is at creating new ideas, about new neural pathways. He says neuroplasticity proves that you can rewire your emotional responses in five to seven weeks of consistent practice

25:05 You can rewire your emotional responses in five to seven weeks of consistent practice that is what we're talking about here so. No amount of success matters if you are not authentically owning your state, even something basic like shaking a hand or giving someone a hug like you really diving in and giving it Your all is someone really getting the best of you, are you really transmitting what you want them to feel and experience and know about you or are you giving them some sort of weird shitty awkward version. You have control and power over this

25:44 In the film Jerry Maguire, which I love that movie. You know it's a rom-com. But at the end when the deals all happened and there are whole journeys coming together and Jerry and his guy he is American football player Jerry Maguire as an agent in the movie. Got the million dollar deal and they're hugging And their whole team is buzzing about it and one of the other players turns to his agent and goes, why don't we hug? And then they do this kind of weird uncomfortable hugging thing. It just doesn't work at all because he's being completely off its inauthentic its not dialed-in and that's like a very literal experience in that moment but that's what we're sharing here That's what we're talking about So in terms of The High Value Man

26:35 Project and the System for Living. This falls into courage of the 3XC. Courage is your freedom to show up as your true self, and this three word power play gives you a real access to that. You've got to have like ditched all the other frustrations and resentments but you don't have to spend weeks and months years doing that work imagine what it would be like Let's pick ex-wife right as a good example but imagine what it would be like instead of showing up ready for an argument, ready to defend yourself, ready to put up with tolerate those kind of things. Imagine if you showed up committed free and proud that would give you the freedom to just listen without affecting you, listen without responding

27:40 I'm glad you said that. I don't really agree with all of it, how can we move forward? It might be a completely different experience and it might shift everything that's been going on there. That is courage feeling the discomfort observing what's going on and then choosing a different way. I've got it here as pause label and pivot. It's like slowing down time what's going There's an expression I use in my work with men which is called, How's the water? And how's the water is this process. Bit like diving into a swimming pool right or diving into the sea and what is the water temperature like if it's freezing cold you're probably gonna go oh! If its too hot there'd be something going on as well but more subtly like how's the water whats it like really choppy really calm flipping lovely

28:38 Notice that because that's what's going on. The circumstances are, if you're not in control of it giving you your response and when you are able to develop this skill when you are able to develop the superpower You can say yourself how is the water? What's going on here? What my way of being? What is my preferred three word power play here That's gonna create different situation. And thats'it! This level of self-awareness is not common It's not something that we necessarily talk of the people can go out there and find out about as i have done but it is powerful when you start to do this you will experience other people being different around you, you will experience having a say in things that you previously thought were completely out of your control and most of all those people around you experiencing you even if you're not saying.

29:36 The energy around it, where you were previously thinking feeling they're making me feel this way. I'm like this because of them! You will be letting that go completely and that sort of energy, that sort of dogmatic overbearing screw-you kind of energy is out there and when you let go of it results shift your experience of life shifts how you show up as a high value man shifts So let me know in the comments, come on over to The High Value Man Project Basecamp and share with us some of your experiences. If you want a real breakthrough or transformation in this area then come and get involved in The High Value Man Inner Circle. Access to that is quite simply via just go via the Basecamp highvaluemanproject.com forward slash group or forward slash base camp will get you into there

30:37 That's where we can start this conversation. You can DM me of course across all of my socials and be sure to share this podcast, come on give us a review so that way I get we can tickle the algorithm over at Spotify and Apple. I did read one out last week in terms of review of the week I had a funny chat with the guy who left the comment. He was a guest on the podcast, so at the risk of doing a big reveal, I still need you to come and give reviews so that I can start issuing out gifts of The Power Call to the reviewer.

31:21 And that will happen when you start subscribing and sharing this podcast so that we can reach more men around the world, so that we can transform the experience of life for these guys. So that their families thrive, so that businesses thrive, so that we become the role models in the world that everyone needs to be not just our kids and our family but everyone. The world needs men to step up To lead in our lives and actually to start to shape the future we're leading into rather than just sitting here suffering and struggling ordering delivery and watching Netflix. That's it. There we go! This will get published as the podcast this weekend, if you go to highvaluemanproject.com forward slash podcasts, you can get that subscription and that link to all those things there everything is in the show notes of course and I look forward to seeing on next episode and of course reading your reviews okay men let's go

32:18 Thanks for tuning in to The Jonnie Jensen Show. Be sure to subscribe, leave a review and share it with fellow dads! Creating the life you deserve starts with YOU. Get your High Value Man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go