Who You Are Being Changes Everything

00:00 Most men don't realize they can choose how they feel in any given moment. And until you do, you're stuck reacting to life, not shaping it. Your being changes everything. Role theme. Welcome to the Johnny Jensen show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches, relationships, and results they deserve. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community at highvalue manproject.com. Let's go. Hello men. Welcome to the High Value Man Show. Well, actually, the Johnny Jensen show.

00:40 I am the founder and creator of the High Value Man Project. And it's absolutely brilliant to have you here. Once again, if you're coming back, if you're here for the first time, then of course, welcome. Be sure to subscribe wherever you're watching or listening. YouTube, you can imagine the more people we have subscribing to the channel, the more YouTube's going to show that to other people. Same goes for the podcast, whether you're listening. But if you're on Apple Podcasts, if you're on Spotify, then hit the follow button. I think it is on Spotify. Subscribe. I think it is an Apple podcast. But make sure you're getting every episode of the podcast or the live when it happens, when it comes out.

01:23 Got my glasses on. I have come to the conclusion that when I'm doing anything that involves reading, they're going to have to be on now until I decide to get contact lenses or something. So yeah, welcome to the glasses. The High Value Man Project, we are on a mission to create the positive mental, physical, emotional state for men, for dads around the world. Too many men are simply struggling when they should be thriving. And that's not like apparent on the outside. We're successful, we seem to be creating all the things that we desire. But somewhere in amongst it all, there's a level of frustration, a level of

02:09 malaise. That's not just a big complicated word for you, isn't it? But, you know, basically going down instead of up, struggling instead of thriving. That's malaise for you. And it's not what we're put on this earth to do. It's not the opportunity we're given in life. So tune in, share this. Let's support men around the world. In particular, you know, the mission is to reduce the number of divorces and male suicide. But, you know, you've got to understand that at the point in which men reach that point, at the time men reach that point, there's a whole load of struggle and strife gone on before that.

02:45 And that is where too many men are showing up. And what we really need for our wives, for our children, for our businesses is for men to be thriving, to show up as the confident, charismatic leader that they can and do want to be. If any of that interests you, then get yourself over to the highvalue manproject.com forward slash group. That will enter you into the base camp where we've got things like the high value man checklist, the relationship reset conversation and the U2.0 program, basically entry-level complementary tools and support for you as an introduction to the work we do inside the inner

03:26 circle and the elite one-on-one, really everything we've got going on here at the High Value Man Project. Part of this subject for us all is recognizing how we show up, how in any given moment we can choose how we want to feel, how we want to be. Not everybody realizes this. I didn't realize it. I had to learn it. And I'll share that story with you in a moment. But it is like a superpower. When you realize, when you understand that in any moment, whether you're entering into a room or you're about to engage in an argument with your kids or your wife, like you get to choose what happens next.

04:13 And that's not about controlling the other person or some kind of dominating like you can control what happens next. It's your being that changes everything. You know, if you're coming across as frustrated, then the situation is going to go one way. If you're coming across as aggressive, then the situation is going to go another way. If you're closed, if you're expecting the worst, if you're, I don't know, if you're apprehensive, anxious, you know, these are all kind of negative versions of being, right?

04:50 There is a complete opposite to that, which is, you know, words like proud, bold, confident, open. understanding, willing, joyous, excited. You know, like these are higher energy ways of being, higher energy feelings and emotions, higher energy intentions. And you have the freedom to choose those whenever you want. You'll hear me say often, like some people dance in the rain, some people hide from the rain. That's a choice. You're choosing what to do in response to rain.

05:34 Now, if you can get your head around that, then consider that you can control, you can choose how you're going to respond, how you're going to feel, how you're going to be in any given moment. A brilliant book, which really highlights this in quite a deep way, but still a very accessible book is Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning, right? It's a story of a Jewish psychologist in Second World War Germany and how he ends up in a concentration camp and how he survived.

06:12 He was interested in his state of mind and how he identified or how he framed the situation and recognized his mindset around it. Powerful book, really, and accessible too. It's not like some thousand page book. It's a powerful read, recognizing that in the midst of a really seriously difficult time, under conditions that tested his mental capacity, his physical capacity to the extreme, he was able to see his way through it. Whilst around him, other people were succumbing, not just to the flipping,

06:57 you know, to the Nazis in terms of the, you know, in terms of dying, but how they might die even before they got to the flipping gas chamber or something like that, die out of a loss of hope, die out of despair, die out of simply giving up. So there's a very vivid and real example, but you can bring that back around to everyday life. Which I guess brings me to the story of how I realized this for myself. I was on a course, a program, something at Landmark Education. I got a feeling it was actually the Landmark Forum, the first weekend I ever did with Landmark.

07:40 And I was sat on the tube, like the London underground, going home or going back to the friend's house that I was staying at for the evening. And I was pretty frustrated. I was kind of all in my head, somewhat annoyed. I wasn't really getting it. I was like other people at the event, Landmark Forum, there's probably three, 400 people there if you're a bigger one. And like people were like, oh, this is amazing. Oh, guess what I've seen? Oh, I realized this. And I was just in my head trying to work it all out. And on the tube going back, and it was actually quite late at night, so there wasn't many people, especially as we got to the edge of the tube line.

08:25 And it was dark. So you could see your reflection in the window opposite me. And I noticed how sort of down my energy was, how negative, how despondent, how frustrated, like I said, I was feeling. The tube gets out of the underground bit. And now we're out in the open, clacking along, clacking along. And my phone rings. It's my family from Chicago. And they'd just been to watch a movie at the cinema at the cinema that we always go to when I'm over there. Certainly when I was, you know, when I was a kid. And they're like, whoa, Johnny, how's it going? And they got it on, I don't even think it was videos back then. It was probably about 2006.

09:09 So it's probably just a voice call. And yeah, they're like, yo, we miss you. We love you. This movie was great. Do you remember when we saw this? Do you remember when we saw that? And like I was like a five-minute interaction. When we hung up, when we said goodbye, I once again saw my reflection in the window of the tube opposite me. And my whole being had shifted. I was lit up. I was energized. I was smiling. I was thinking good things. Like I was thinking, obviously, happy thoughts about them. It was, you know, spiraling off other positive thoughts. And in that moment, I got it.

09:51 I was choosing prior. to the call, I was choosing to be frustrated, despondent, confused, annoyed, like almost like dogging on myself because I wasn't getting it. Then I get the phone call, which really didn't change anything. I was still on the same tube in the same seat, in the same clothes, going in the same direction. I was still the same person. But how everything had shifted. Now, it was the phone call, yes, of course. But a bit like the dancing in the rain thing, I could have come off the phone call and chosen to go straight back to the way I was feeling before, but I didn't. It was a response to the phone call, yes.

10:36 But it was still when you slow down the moment, when you slow down time and actually observe what's going on. And this is one of the tricks, the secrets that I'm going to tell you in a minute. When you slow down time and catch yourself, you'll realize that it is a choice. I was feeling upbeat as a result of feeling, of talking to my family, of hearing their voices, of thinking positive things. When you see, when you get that you have that control yourself, it is like a superpower. Because in any given moment, either in the moment, like I'm about to have an argument with my missus, or some sort of preparation for the moment, like I'm, I'm not looking forward to today, or I'm about to do a presentation and I'm feeling quite nervous, or I'm about to have a sales call and I'm feeling a bit anxious.

11:29 Like, I'm pessimistic instead of optimistic. If you can slow down time and catch that, then you can start to put in the practice of noticing how you're being and deciding to pick a new way of being. Now, there's some brain science and stuff that's going on here. But your being is a moment-to-moment state. It's like your emotional posture, closed and hunched over or shoulders back and ready for action. And like any muscle in the body, this is something you can work on.

12:07 You can train. You can find yourself doing this almost in the, like naturally, once you get a grip on it. Now, people say to me, oh, I don't really get it. I don't really understand. Oh, how can I just, how can I just force myself to be something that I'm not? Well, it's not really like that either. It's choosing a way of being, choosing a way to show up and then playing with it, of trying it on, of being like, well, if I was feeling proud and lit up, energized, if I was feeling those things, how would I be right now?

12:48 What would I say to this person? What would my face look like? What would my facial expression be? What would be my anticipation of this conversation I'm about to have? Would I hug this person or would I shout at them? You know, would I listen and engage in the conversation or would I annoyingly defend and resent them? Like they're the moments. They're the complete opposite position that you can take when you choose your being. And like I was saying, just like a muscle, the more you practice this, the more strength you get, the more you're able to catch it in the moment and flip it. Last night we were at a parents' evening. I was there with my ex and my son.

13:33 And there was a little moment of tension, which seriously did my head in. But I was able to catch myself. I was able to notice what was happening as a result of me feeling that way, where the situation was headed. And I was able to recognize that's not really going to work. That's not really going to have this evening go the way that I want it. And then able to powerfully shift. It doesn't mean forget and ignore what's going on. It doesn't mean roll over and take a kick in the nuts. It's not like succumbing to something, but it's noticing the way in which you're showing up in that moment.

14:17 And like the super part of the superpower is seeing into the future, seeing what the net result of that is going to be and deciding, is that what I'm committed to? Is that the outcome that I desire? Because if it isn't, then you've got to shift the way of being. It's almost like a recipe, you know, like a cake mixture, a dinner that you're cooking. If you chuck the wrong ingredients in, it's going to turn out like crap. If you put the right ingredients in, it's going to turn out great. And if you really know what you're doing, there might be a couple of secret ticks and... and tricks and tips or things you can add, like a pinch of this and a pinch of that, slightly less time in the other, whatever it might be that has it come out even more spectacular.

14:59 Have you ever been in a situation where you've been somewhere and someone walked into a room and their energy just lit that room up? Their presence was like a complete shift. That's what I'm talking about you having for yourself. And part of this, part of having control over this, particularly when you're engaging with other people, is you feeling that the things that someone else is doing or the things that someone else is saying to you are causing you to be something, causing you to feel something. And that isn't necessarily the case.

15:39 It could take you a moment to get your head around this. But consider you're in a room with other people. And whilst they're not really part of the conversation you're having, they are there. They can overhear it. Now, the thing that the person you're with is saying to you, let's just presume it is your wife or one of your kids, right? The thing that they're saying to you is directed at you. It might feel personal. It might feel like an attack on you. But the person next to you is going to hear those exact words.

16:17 They're going to see pretty much exactly what you're seeing, but their interpretation of it and their response is going to be completely different because it's not them that's hearing it the way that you are or feeling it the way that you are or choosing the way to respond like you are about to. And that's real freedom. That's an incredible level of power. Well, you can say to the person who previously would have said something that allowed you to be angry and respond in a shitty way, that's interesting. Thank you for saying that. I really don't agree. And here's what I'd like to suggest in response.

16:57 With a smile on your face, with a laugh, however, like you decide to be, you know, it's a choice. That doesn't mean it's going to work. It doesn't mean that it's perfect. But there's no such thing as perfect. It just could be a better way, a way that you have way more control of, a way that you get to create and generate in such a way that it's taking you towards the result that you desire in taking it you towards the commitment that you've got in your mind and heart about the life, fundamentally, the life that you want for yourself and the people around you. Tony Robbins says, it's not the events of our lives that shape us, but our beliefs about what those events mean or what that person's saying means.

17:44 Can you see that? Your being is a moment-to-moment state. It's your emotional posture. It's what I said before. So how do you develop this skill? How do you develop this superpower? One thing you've got to get your head around is that our mind is constantly doing this all the time. It's constantly coming up with versions of events based on how we feel or based on what we think the person is doing. And that version of events is leading us to respond the way that we did. When you can see that time, at least in your mind, can be slowed down and analyzed.

18:27 Our brain can work way quicker than we give it credit for. You do have power over this. Now, it could be something that you decide in the morning. And actually, this is a great way of flexing that muscle, of working that muscle out. When do you start your day? Choose your three-word power play. Choose it as your way of being. Choose proud, energized, and ready for action. Choose free, bold, understanding. Like whatever the words that you're going to pick, choose them. And three, I don't know, they call it like the magic of three.

19:07 It seems to me, and I've heard it in other places as well as during landmark events. Three seems to work, right? Because there's a roundedness to it. If you're going to say, I'm going to be bold, well, you might want to be empathic as well. Watch out for words that are a bit of a shoehorn, a bit of a fix, a bit of a, oh, if I do that, then everything's going to work out. Like confident can be one of those. It's very hard to just flick a switch and say, I'm going to be confident, because if you're not fundamentally confident about something, well, there's probably a reason for that. You can't just like confident on, confident off, but you can. can see for yourself.

19:47 Now, if I was being confident in this situation, how would I be being? What would I be doing? I would be being, I'd be, I'd be relaxed. I'd be charming or charismatic. I'd be playful. I'd be ready to chat, right? Not everything has to be one easy word, right? So if you were looking for a way to be confident, right? You might say, I'd be relaxed, charming, and ready to chat. Now, that as something you can try on, that as a little game for you to play with yourself is much easier than saying, I'm going to be confident.

20:28 I'm going to be confident. I've got to be confident. No, I'm going to be playful. I'm going to be charming. I'm going to be silly even. Now, it doesn't mean that it's going to work. You could go into a networking event and choose a way of being as silly and it'd be completely ridiculous and not work. But that doesn't matter. It's way better than being anxious and concerned and withdrawn. And then you can say, right, okay, well, silly didn't really work for me. Okay, well, that's okay. But I could be playful. Okay, now what would I do? If someone was chit-chatting to me and I was being playful, I might be like, oh, yeah, I did one of those.

21:06 Oh, yeah, I went to that. All right, no, I, you know what? That sounds a bit like a film I saw. You suddenly find yourself relaxed and engaged in the moment. And this is, you know, by trying it on at the beginning of the day, you are taking control of this thing that subconsciously happens anyway. And this in terms of mindset and managing our emotional response to situations, particularly like managing our positive energy, is really, really important. Because if you're going through a bit of a tough time or if things have been a bit of a stressful challenge, your way of being will shift towards that.

21:45 And then if how you're showing up is like that, then the people around you are going to respond like that. It's going to get quite heavy. It's going to get more tense, which is going to impact your way of being even more. If you're oblivious to all this, then it just feels like the whole world is against you. Everything's going wrong. And that really isn't the case. When you take control and pick your three-word power play, you pick your way of being in the morning, and you get to have a say in how the day goes. And back to the point about this being a muscle is that when you practice like that, when you try it on each day and take it for a test drive, you get to see the way that you feel about it.

22:25 You get to see the different response from other people. And when those responses are positive, you can bank it. You can say, oh, okay, I like that. Do you know what? This, this sort of feeling proud about myself and about what I'm up to, this feeling bold, this feeling energized really works. I'm just going to make that part of who I am, which is very different from people being a bit of a negative pain in the ass or even a bit of an overly confident person. And here's a cool thing you can do in a way to access this is ask some of the people closest to you what it's like being around you.

23:07 What are some of the things that you notice about me that are both that are good and positive and easy to be around? And what are some of the ways about me that are a bit tricky to be around or a bit uncomfortable or a bit awkward? Someone will let you know. Someone that loves you, gives them the freedom to say some shit things, like, I'm not going to hold it against you. That kind of insight is rich. It's a rich vein that you can tap into and play with. You do have control. You're not just plonked on this piece of rock and like everything happens to you. And this is some of the magic of it. This is the superpower. This is the high value man way of being. It's a level of control and freedom and power

23:50 that allows you. Can you hear that little mower outside? Sounds like I'm getting buzzed like Top Gun, like the tower's getting buzzed. Hopefully the noise reduction will cut that out. But yeah, it's a magic. It is a superpower. And it's something that other people don't necessarily know about or don't necessarily have access to. So it gives you such a moment by moment positive experience. And then that stretches over the rest of your life. Joe Dispenza, whose work I really love, you know, it's not just about meditation, right? It's really about understanding that the way that we think shapes and molds how our brain functions.

24:33 He's got us, quote, neuroplasticity. That's neuroplasticity. That's like the i'm gonna get this totally wrong neuroplasticity is about how active and effective your brain is at creating new ideas about new neural pathways and he says neuroplasticity proves that you can rewire your emotional responses in five to seven weeks of consistent practice You can rewire your emotional responses in five to seven weeks of consistent practice. And that is what we're talking about here. So

25:15 no amount of success matters if you're not authentically owning your state. Like even something basic like shaking a hand or giving someone a hug, like are you really diving in and giving it your all? Is someone really getting the best of you? Are you really transmitting what you want them to feel and experience and know about you? Or are you giving them some sort of weird, shitty, awkward version? You have control and power over this. In the film Jerry Maguire, which I love that movie, you know, it's a rom-com. I do love a rom-com anyway. But at the end, when the deals all happened and the whole journey is coming together and Jerry and his guy, his American football player, Jerry Maguire, is an agent in the movie.

26:03 They've got the million dollar deal and they're hugging and their whole team is buzzing about it. And one of the other players turns to his agent and goes, why don't we hug? And then they do this kind of weird, uncomfortable hugging thing. It just doesn't work at all because his being is completely off. It's inauthentic. It's not dialed in. And that's like, it's a very literal experience in that moment. But that's what we're sharing here. That's what we're talking about. So in terms of the high value man project and the system for living, this falls into courage of the 3XC.

26:45 Courage is your freedom to show up as your true self. And this three-word power play gives you a real access to that. You've got to have like ditched all the other frustrations and resentments, but you don't have to spend weeks and months and years doing that work. Imagine what it would be like. Let's pick ex-wife, right, as a good example. But imagine what it would be like instead of showing up ready for an argument, ready to defend yourself, ready to put up with tolerate like those kind of things. Imagine if you showed up committed,

27:26 free and proud. Like that would give you the willing, the freedom to be able to like, just listen without it affecting you, listen without responding, listen and go, I'm glad you said that. I don't really agree with all of it, but how can we move forward? It might be a completely different experience and it might shift everything that's been going on there. That is courage. Feeling the discomfort, observing what's going on and then choosing a different way. I've got it here as pause, label and pivot.

28:05 It's like slowing down time. What's going on? There's an expression I use in my work with men, which is called how's the water. And how's the water is this process? Bit like diving into a swimming pool, right? Or diving into the sea. Like, what is the water temperature like? If it's freezing cold, you're probably going to go, oh, if it's too hot, there'd be something going on as well. But like more subtly, like, how's the water? What's it like? It's really choppy. It's really calm. It's flipping lovely. Notice that because that's what's going on. The circumstances are, if you're not in control of it, giving you your response.

28:47 And when you are able to develop this skill, when you are able to develop this superpower, you can say to yourself, how's the water? What's going on here? What's my way of being? What is my preferred three-word power play here that's going to create a different situation? And that's it. This level of self-awareness is not common. It's not something that we're necessarily taught. Obviously, people can go out there and find out about it, as I have done. But it's powerful. And when you start to do this, you will experience other people being different around you. You will experience having a say in things that you previously thought were completely out of your control.

29:30 And most of all, those people around you will experience you. even if you're not saying it, the energy around it, where you were previously thinking, feeling they're making me feel this way. I'm like this because of them. You will be letting that go completely. And that sort of energy, that sort of dogmatic, overbearing, screw you kind of energy is out there. And when you let go of it, results shift. Your experience of life shifts. How you show up as a high-value man shifts.

30:08 So let me know in the comments. Come on over to the High Value Man Project Basecamp and share with us some of your experiences. That if you want a real breakthrough, a transformation in this area, then come and get involved in the High Value Man Inner Circle. Access to that is quite simply via, just go via the Basecamp, highvaluemanproject.com forward slash group or forward slash base camp. We'll get you into there. And that's where we can start this conversation. You can DM me, of course, across all of my socials.

30:46 And be sure to share this podcast. Come and give us a review so that we can tickle the algorithm over at Spotify and Apple. I did read one out last week in terms of review of the week. I had a funny chat with the guy who left the comment. He was a guest on the podcast. So at the risk of doing a big reveal, I still need you to come and give reviews so that I can start issuing out gifts of the power call to the review of the week.

31:21 And that will happen when you start subscribing and sharing this podcast so that we can reach more men around the world, so that we can transform the experience of life for these guys so that their families thrive, so that their businesses thrive, so that we become the role models in the world that everyone needs to be. Not just our kids and our family, but everyone. The world needs men to step up to lead in our lives and actually to start to shape the future we're leading into rather than just sitting here suffering and struggling, ordering delivery and watching Netflix. That's it. There we go. This will get published as the podcast this weekend. If you go to highvalue manproject.com forward slash podcast, you can get that subscription, that link to all those things there.

32:06 Everything's in the show notes, of course. And I look forward to seeing you on the next episode. And of course, reading your reviews. Okay, men, let's go. Thanks for tuning in to the Johnny Jensen show. Be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with fellow dads. Creating the life you deserve starts with you. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvalumanproject.com. Let's go.