Steve Lovell #2 - punk rocker, record producer, decorator, relationship coach and Dad

00:00 In this episode of Team Superdad I speak to Steve Lovell, a relationship coach former punk band member producer of records some famous bands and also a dad. A great guy and you will love this episode welcome to team super dad roll credits Welcome to Team Superdad. Real dads creating their best lives ever, more time more money more fun! You are not alone you're on team super dad

00:42 Yes, hello welcome to the Team Superdad podcast. I'm Jonnie Jensen your host and the founder of Team Superdad the program and community for dads rebuilding after divorce separation or loss it is great to have you here in this episode we do an interview yes? The team super dad podcasts are a mix of interviews time with me where i coach input into what it is to be a single dad We're working on the Hangout as well. So, the hang out is where dads from the community can come into the Zoom meeting and we get to chit-chat and are fully looking to share some of those episodes as a more fun and down-to-earth way to just hang out with Team Superdad

01:26 But today, like I said it's a great conversation with Steve Lovell. He is a top bloke and he has been through divorce himself some health matters himself most recently he got an awesome second wife fabulous family stepchildren and like i said some great stories from hanging out with Richard Branson The Team Superdad Rebuild Program is kick-starting in October 2019 with the pilot.

02:19 It will be running after that as well so if you have any desire to find out how to really kickstart your life in the five-week Rebuild Program then message me at TeamStupidDad.com or any of our social media channels and I look forward to speaking to you about all of that! Enjoy Good morning Team Superdad guests, welcome to the Team Superdad podcast. Today we've got a great friend of mine and it's real pleasure to be speaking to him on the Team Superdad podcast today I will let him introduce himself fully but i do know he has a varied life

02:59 He's got a large family, some of his from his partner's former relationship and he has impacted the lives of many hundreds of people even ones that I know let alone the ones that i don't know. So without further ado Steve Lovell it is a real pleasure to have you here on the Team Superdad podcast today Great to be here, thanks for inviting me Jonnie and great to see you. Yeah likewise likewise it's blisteringly hot even though it's so early in the morning outside and hay fever is rife in the UK I've got the window shut so there's no noise! Oh god! If we suddenly have a meltdown then you know why? yeah yeah now I'm sitting quite cool actually here but yesterday was just stonking wasn't it? It was so bloody hot

03:50 But we complain about that don't we and we complain about the cold and we complain about wet, we complain about the dry. What is to be British? Yeah yeah exactly! Is that deflectionary or it's just a way to warm each other up I don't know... Well listen Steve when did we meet he must have been So, oh my goodness it was 12 or 13 years ago wasn't it? Yeah about 2007 and that was on the Introduction Leader Programme at Landmark Education as I recall. That's right yeah we met on that one didn't we and you just come back from a first weekend in Amsterdam I remember with some very interesting stories which we might not go into here Jonnie

04:38 The premise of the course actually encourages you to get complete on your past. So, you get some very ripe stories from people who on the first weekend they unload all this stuff that they perhaps had in their dodgy past so it makes for a very interesting listening. I'm supposed to be interviewing you Steve, but we've left... We can't just leave that hanging in the air can we? It's like a... Come on man! So so yeah. So the introduction leader program i mean in fact many facets of Landmarks courses and I'd hope in a lot of other personal development courses there's an element of getting complete with things from your past and I was clearing up a lot of stuff I had identified myself as a bit

05:29 So we were in Amsterdam and I had previously, a lot younger reported a camera lost so that i could claim it on the insurance. So when I went to the police to clear this up because it had been presumed that there must have been a record about this and other people who've been involved as though is basically a big fib When I got to the police station thinking that they would say, oh thanks very much and have a nice rest of the day. They arrested me! And it was late at night. You didn't expect it did you? No, I didn't expect it at all and I'd been out for dinner with another friend of ours Jonathan Drew so we had a bottle of wine or maybe two...I said goodbye to him and wandered into the police station So it was late at night and there was no one to sort of process this thing so they kept me overnight! Brilliant but they didn't charge you? 200 euros

06:30 I saw the he's like called a he wasn't called a concessionary but he was like a justice of the peace so i just went into his office the next day And he kind of chuckled and said, I wish i did know his exact words but obviously in his very Dutch accent. He said good morning Mr Jensen! We just went through it and he says yes so that's 200 euros please. But the real kicker was that I'd missed my squeezy jet flight back home It was, as anyone knows if you try and buy a budget airline flight last minute it's not budget. So it was about 200 euros for the flight and for the justice of the piece And of course everyone disappeared off the face of the earth for about 18 hours as well so... And was it worth it?

07:26 Yeah, I think in the realms of taking responsibility for things and considering the impact. And also another good thing about it was just how we might presume things are going to be way worse than they actually are so like how bad can it get? Also how those things impact us that were not really present too... How they can impact us! I've just got to let the dog out here I'm just, um... Here you go darling. I'm gonna do some filler music. No no i'm coming back! No it's fine. I'm here with you. Sorry about that.

08:11 I don't know, it was kind of funny. Obviously when i came back and the whole group obviously had got to hear about what happened as a great example of someone getting completely... Well it's a real contribution yeah! A real contribution to people My family thought I was absolutely mental which didn't help at all but all in all if that is who we are in the world and you take that responsibility for things Then there can only be good things come from it really. And I think it's a strength of character that you can take into all relationships, into parenting of your kids, subjects at work... You know? I think there is a degree to which... I don't mean like Goody Two-Shoes kind of level of honesty but just taking life as real and doing it as it should be done

09:03 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Steve Lovell, Richard Branson, I could have been there a hundred odd years as far as i know but it was really uncomfortable. So the policeman said, oh do you want to go somewhere more comfortable? so i was like well...I've got be honest yeah! Then this sort of paddy wagon turned up that was full of absolute bonkers smack heads and people had been fighting and I have no idea what and I'm sat there with all these guys and they took us to a proper prison

09:42 And you had to check in like Blues Brothers style where you put your stuff, all your empty pockets and then we went into this room which was my cell and it was just this metal bench thing in the middle of the room. Everything else was built into the wall like a TV that has three channels in Dutch. I just slept on I used to work for, I knew Richard Branson quite well because firstly

10:37 I was a guitarist at Vant and we were signed by him. In fact, the only other band he personally signed was The Sex Pistols. So he got to know us quite well and then I was on the TV program with him what have you so we went back quite a way but when i worked in his shop... He has these summer joints at The Manor which is a big recording studio and he used to live there it's beautiful property and uh he invites all the staff

11:16 And he decided to blow up his trout lake at one of the parties as a bit of fun and killed all these trouts. I'm really committed to animal welfare, being vegetarian pretty much all my life and i was disgusted by this behavior so here I am actually justifying it now but I started to rip him off The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Steve Lovell, Richard Branson, Steve Lovell, Richard

11:53 I, yeah basically i was a bit of a criminal there and uh...I got that complete with him. I got in touch with him said you remember me? And this is what I've done! In fact it what made me quite nervous though at first got in touch with his personal assistant and said look um....i'll send you an email and if you don't think it's appropriate don't send it on to him but she got back in touch and said you're very brave man And I thought, oh my god what's he gonna do? Anyway he was very gracious and said look no problem it's complete for me just contribute to one of my charities and then we'll call it a done deal. So that was one of mine...I had many many many actually but I won't go into here but I had many incompletions that I didn't realize were in the way of my life until after I got them complete and then there was just this clear space you know

12:45 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Steve Lovell, Richard Branson, Bits of, you don't feel them as guilt but when you can start looking at those individual indiscretions and incompletions people you don't get on with. Before you know it you're carrying around a couple hundred of these little things and what's that like on your personality or in your openness with other people? Or when you go into a record shop how free and comfortable were you with

13:29 Yeah. Oh then you were a shopkeeper, you had your own shop for awhile? I had my own shop there you go! You see so yeah... Well let's start to sort of stretch out this life story a little bit So what the band where were you living? You just mentioned Liverpool are you from Liverpool? Yes, no i was brought up in the burbs really in the suburbs of Liverpool and that very quiet town called Magul I spent a lot of time in Liverpool and then eventually moved into the centre. We're talking about 1977 when the whole punk thing took off, and Liverpool had lots of bands. What tends to happen is if an area like Manchester or Sheffield

14:18 One band takes off and this, you know say Echo of the Bunnymen started to do well. I don't know if anyone knows Echo of the Bunnymen but they were quite a...you know they sold quite a lot of records and they were very hip band And then the whole of the music industry descends on an area and starts signing all the bands. So you'd literally be walking down a street, meet somebody and say how are you doing? Who do you sign to? They say RCA. Who have you signed to? Virgin Records. It was like that pretty much everyone had a deal so in that environment it was a great place to explore

15:00 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Steve Lovell, Richard Branson, Steve Lovell, But I wanted to be a record producer, and I wanted to move to London do that. And we were doing this very odd music...I mean i don't know why our heads are like that! I've listened to it again recently and thought what the hell is this? It was really bizarre. One of them we did a TV show and I played honky-tonk piano in a white dinner suit and Holly was on Rocking Horse doing this song called Yankee Roads. Is this on YouTube anyway?

15:45 ...an acoustic guitar and a picture of Ronald Reagan movie as a cowboy in the background. Can this...is this on YouTube? Can we find it?! Can we find the video? Do you know what, it's recently become available because I wanted to see it again and it recently became available. I think you can find it on YouTube if you put in Yankee Roads, Holly Johnson, Yankee Roads. I don't want to see this! Anyway so we were going nowhere fast and then I knew all the guys who ended up in Frankie Goes To Hollywood I produced them, they were called the Egyptians. And I produced their demo for them and Holly wanted to go more pop and they were doing pop and i just said you know why don't you hook up with these guys? And he did and then Frankie was born from that!

16:35 I moved to London and I started to, I literally had 20 quid in my pocket. And i started to busk on the tubes. In those days you could busk it was illegal but they'd leave me alone mostly sometimes you get kicked off a spot generally they would leave you alone yeah and uh... I was busking for about nine months then one day I'm busking at my favourite place which is Bond Street Tube Station And this guy comes and I can't semi-recognize him, and he chucks me some money and goes oh my god it's Steve Lovell! It was a guy called Julian Cope who is in a band called The Teardrop Explodes. They've just split up and he's a bit of a legend, he's a bit of a nutter and incredibly talented guy. He said well

17:21 Believe it or not, I've just come from a meeting upstairs with my manager and we were after you as a guitarist because i've always been a fan of your guitar then. I didn't have the clue He's upstairs talking about you like you're somewhere in the country or on this planet and your downstairs busking. That's it, and they were literally saying how do we find him? They had no idea how to find me! And there I was busking and he said all the management will be in touch and I thought oh yeah that sort of thing before anyway they did... Are you a believer in the universe and synchronicity

18:01 Do you know what I'm a believer in? I get to say how my life goes no matter what the circumstances are. That's it! If if if I'm playing music, and play music... It doesn't matter where I am playing music as long as I'm playing music something will happen That's what I really have always stood by. So, whether it is just ridiculous optimism or not, I don't know but i kind of believed that this was going to happen somehow. Are these wild times? I think if you look at my record next to a lot of people, i'm pretty sober really and pretty controlled but it was a very dysfunctional industry to be in.

18:57 Excess was the norm, you know. You didn't get to bed most nights until the early hours in the morning and there's a lot of drugs, a lot of drink... It's always a question I'm curious about because recreational drugs and stuff and raving and sort of the generation i've grown up in those kind of subjects for me were Speaking personally, were always fun. There was never a degree of peer pressure or doing it out of some sort of hope that you'd be happier or anything. Was it similar for you? Or was it fun for you done out of necessity to fit in? I was always the last man standing! Let's have one for the road...

19:51 And I had a history in the family, you know my uncle and she saw I could dream. My mum and dad did and it was just the norm for me to... Then i went into that world and there's no reason to say no at the time. You know? I was fit, I was young, I could handle it! It was only later I realized when I moved out of London The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Steve Lovell, Richard Branson, I was going to say mental health, physical health all of it. Mental health you know not great and i hadn't seen it while i was in it we don't do it's just the water we swim in you know it's just so you don't see it normal until i got out of it yeah it's just normalized when you say got out of it there was a catalyst for leaving or leaving London?

20:49 Well, so how it progressed was... let me just carry on with the story a little bit. Just to give you some background So I met this guy Julian Cope and he invited me to play in his band. I became his musical arranger and guitarist And then it didn't work out with the producer we got in We went into do a single This producer couldn't work out for one reason or another And I said to Julian look I can do this Give me a job And he listened to some of my past work that I've done, just demos of people not masters but just demos and he said okay let's give it a go. At the time the record company just wanted to wipe their hands off it basically they didn't know what to do with it so there I am in Rack Studios which is St John's Wood beautiful studio owned by

21:35 I'm joined by Mickey Most who did a lot of the hot chocolate and all that sweets, bands like that. And i've got a 40-piece orchestra and have no idea what i'm doing at all! The engineer turned around to me at one point said oh the cellos lad in it do you think? I was thinking cellos, cellos because they look like one of those That's where you nod confidently. Yeah, yeah I think they're fine! But what was great about that was that it was a sharp learning curve and i learned really quickly. Otherwise I'd be finished

22:15 So I went on and then produced quite a few bands, had some success. Could have been more successful but i did fairly well and i did that for about 20 years and then i started to think this isn't the life i want you know? I remember what i used to do is go from my break in the studio right and walk past all these windows and look in and see families And they were watching TV and eating together, and I was thinking that looks good. That looks good! Wonder if i could ever have that in my life you know? Yeah. I was thinking well with this lifestyle there's not a great deal of chance of going to... My whole life was in studios rehearsals for years not much chance to be out there in the world meeting people

23:08 I was looking to get out, and I had a production company. My wife was in a band, a writing-based band, and she had a ready made family with three kids split up from the relationship We're jumping ahead here aren't we? No, no it's fine. It's good we do only have an hour or so anyway and we've got to think of our podcast listeners though! So from that point I realised here is an opportunity to get out And i literally just disappeared from the music business. I thought I'll earn a wage, I'll do anything, I'll paint, I'll decorate

23:50 So, I'll...Reginald Perry for our British sitcom fans. You did a Reginald Perry on...I did a Reginald Perry and i just absolutely disappeared you know? And then um and then I realized oh my god this is what I want! You know this is it family is what I was looking for for a long time in my life and been in denial really yeah so that end of that...And It's Rachel, it's your wife isn't it? Yeah. So she's in Brighton and you've moved down to Brighton...

24:28 What did she think? She was getting a record producer and then you said no I don't want to do that anymore. A really funny thing happened, i'll tell you really quickly. When we got married I was in London she was in Brighton and went along to the registry office and you've gotta just fill out a form And she put painting and decorating because at that point I was thinking of decorating. And i was there in London thinking well, I'm still doing a bit of production so I thought record producer... and then we came along to meet together with the registrar and the guy said I was so embarrassed he said So what is it? Record producer painter and decorator! I felt like this big! I was just trying to big myself up you know

25:18 So, yeah so it was like that really but what she thought... Hang on sorry to interrupt. What was it like falling in love? Do you know what? I'd fallen in love before and it had been very passionate. And then, after a little while dwindles as it does. You can't keep that intensity going and it wasn't like that with Rachel. It wasn't romance really She saw me interact with her little kid who came into the studio one time she thought that's what I want for my kids. Right! Well, I saw her with a ready-made family and thought That's what I want for my life. And that's how we got together so it actually grew over time

25:57 So our love for each other now, it hasn't been diminished. It's stronger now than probably it has ever been and I didn't know that was possible! I didn't know before this relationship that that was possible and it is! To some degree you developed a friendship first? Yes well we were almost just propping each other up she'd come out of the long-term relationship And I had as well, you know a relationship that i thought was for life and it wasn't. Yeah! And so we were just literally... It was like we were just popping each other up and supporting each other. And I used to give her advice on you know the relationship and how she could complete it and yeah you know the legalities of it all of that helped with all that buying a house

26:46 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Steve Lovell, Richard Branson, And what age were the kids then when you moved in? So Sid was five, Daisy was nine and Fred was 13. So I've known them pretty much, you know a great part of their life. Fred's in his 30s now and Daisy is 30 and Sid's in his late 20s so yeah... Awesome kids! I've met all three of them. A little bit more than the others. Just wonderful people And then I've got a boy Sir Rachel and I had who's 18 now David

27:48 Let's come on to that in a minute. How did you propose to Rachel? Oh it was a bit embarrassing Jonnie! Good, that is good content! I rang her up and said we are going to get married and have a baby... That is how I did it It's just no class. I didn't propose at all, that was the way i did things in those days and before I did that course on Landmark Forever which we were talking about before yeah I was super arrogant about things so it was just like you know this is what I want this what we're gonna do. Yeah an impact all over my life I used to drive breakneck speed because

28:33 The rules were there for, you know as advisory. You know if you said 70 miles an hour they're advising that but it doesn't mean that I was a bit like that in life Wow so just going off on a different tangent for a second there giving that up now i don't think it sounds like you couldn't have had the life you had today if you hadn't given up that arrogance Absolutely not absolutely not It was headed The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Steve Lovell, Richard Branson,

29:20 Yeah, and you know there are lots of things that make me complete. When I got those completes I could actually go forward with my life and i'm such a different person now completely and utterly. Wow so what I can see there is you've got goals and ambitions yeah and then you've got who you're being at that time not really congruent with those goals and ambitions absolutely yeah yeah they were past goals and ambitions You saw the family in the window, you saw getting out of London. You've met someone who you feel like you could create that with but there was another piece to that which came along and allowed you to be the person who's got all your goals and ambitions? Absolutely! I mean it came at exactly right time

30:07 Because we were heading for the rocks. Yeah, yeah and so I mean this didn't mean to be a conversation about landmark form but it is inspiring when it comes up like this in real conversation because did someone invite you to do it or did you just? Yeah there was a local guy who uh... We used to laugh about him because every time he was one of the dads at school and we'd go on the school run and I come back and Rachel would say have you been Antoned Oh Anton Pruden! Yeah, yeah. I know him. He's the most negative person i've ever met in my life you want these people who say how are you doing and then it's like that's the wrong question to have asked because he was just gloom and doomy. It was like... You know he used to pull all positivity out of you And then one day I met him and he was incredibly positive

30:57 And he was talking about this thing called the Landmark Forum and he kept on inviting me to these introductions but I remember going back to Richard and saying oh, he's been brainwashed you know. He must have been brainwashed because how does it... That's not him! It's not him? Anton bring back the old negative Anton please. But i saw how he transformed his life and it was sensational actually really sensational and I thought I don't know what made me think i needed to do it. It wasn't even a need to do, it was almost like I was just being led there by the hand you know? There's been moments in my life with record producing or whatever where I feel I've been led somewhere and I just knew I've got to do it! And then it's a three and a half day course and

31:49 Just a different person, a different view on life. Things smelled different things look different things you know that I've been hanging on to for dear life i realized i didn't need to hang onto my views my opinions It just totally transformed my life, yeah. It's hard to describe isn't it? Yeah totally I've got a similar experience myself and the whole bunch of people i know from a new area of life something called SFM so online digital marketing and training community and a whole bunch of people i know from then just did one person did the landmark forum a couple of months ago now a whole load other people could go on and that sort of emotion has just swept through another group of people in my life which is

32:34 It's remarkable when you see, and I mentioned before at the beginning there are other personal development things that happen and i encourage anybody to seek that breakthrough in their life wherever they see it is possible but that's just one way we know its possible. Well the great thing about the Lamott form is it is three-and-a-half days so you can't imagine can you? That three-and-a-half days could transform your life! Yeah yeah...I mean it's just ridiculous to say that isn't it? You know people think you're crazy but actually does And you know there's nothing particularly original, I don't think about the material that you can find it everywhere and particularly with the internet but it's the context. The context is being in that room with a lot of different people who are who you find out are like-minded and the way that they share their lives has an impact on your life yeah something about it that's just magic. Yeah I agree exactly

33:27 So you did that, you've made the worst proposal ever and it worked. You're now living in a sleepy village in East Sussex, you got three stepchildren... This happened to me when I proposed to my sadly now former wife when I proposed I suddenly had a six-year old what What was your experience of being a step-parent and how did you acclimate? Well firstly, the kids had had... their dad was in quite a famous band. And he was on tour a lot and they experienced it as great to have him when he was there but wasn't there a lot so when I stepped into their life and i was this consistent person who's available

34:17 They connected really quickly, so I didn't have any of the teething problems that people often talk about being a stepdad. We just got on really well, you know. And of course there were times and moments but one thing about doing a run-of-the-mill form I thought...I'm going to be their mate! I'm not going to be their dad! I'm gonna be their mate, we're gonna have a good life together but iIm just gonna be friends really and help them give them advice. And I realized that hadn't totally committed to I'm Did you create that with them? They were teenagers when you met them, so there was the space to do that. Did you create that relationship with them? To a degree! It's one of those things where you think... You're being very significant about it and say I've not totally been your dad in the past. So i've got this back door open in my life and I close that door now and I really want to be his dad. And they are just like okay yeah

35:35 All right, you know they're not really connected. You're just there for them which is what they've needed yeah. Yeah well especially with kids actions speak louder than words so... Absolutely absolutely yeah no that's very good um but it's not easy being a step parent I mean there's no way it isn't and it's also very unspoken You don't get a bunch of step parents getting together going, oh it's a bloody nightmare isn't it? I know. It's tough job tough job! But he's so rewarding of course particularly if a parent such as my experience is absent and you're taking on that role but... Well it's pretty mind-blowing having three kids you know going from as I say pretty much a bachelor lifestyle even when I was with the partner I was living in rock'n roll lifestyle yeah and then coming to um yeah completely different setup

36:24 And having that responsibility suddenly to three kids, it's just... and then we had David who followed quite shortly. So anyone who is getting into a relationship as a step-parent what would you say to them? A couple of guiding tips! Yeah so what I'd say is have a look at your commitment to it right have a look at what you're willing to give Because context is everything, you know. And if you can create this context... The context I created was we're going to have a fun joyful fulfilling relationship and inside of that you can base the whole of your life You know, you can see where it's not working, see what is working So I think it's really getting your commitment What are you really committed to? because don't get involved

37:15 You see with kids you can't just back away from it, you know. You can't just get involved and go no I'm out of here! For kids that's a huge deal to make sure that we know what your commitment is firstly and then i think the kids never had a sense of being dominated. And not one these parents who said because I told you so So what I did was, I always explained to the kids why i was doing something and also a bit like a dog with a bone. I wouldn't let anything lie you know if there's an angry voice get it sorted and get it sorted now

38:01 I think that's really important. So things weren't brushed under the carpet and came out later, so i just sit down and just talk and talk and talk you know probably to the point where they were just like oh But it worked, because then I felt it was partnership rather than me being the wise adult who knew and all. It was very much partnership and I think that is incredibly important to create that sort of relationship. I mean...I don't generally share this that often because people think

38:39 Well, for a start they think you're sort of bragging about it and they also might think that it's a little bit weird but I have never ever argued with my boy David and he is 18 now. Never ever, not once have we ever had a disagreement. Wow! And the reason for that is that he doesn't experience being dominated and I don't have the experience of having to dominate... Hello! Hiya! How you doing? This is Haydn. It's in the picnic bag downstairs where people pick their picnic list today. See ya later!

39:19 Who was that? That's Rosie. Yeah, like that really but you know I think the main thing i'd like to communicate is you're going to get it wrong yeah don't worry you're gonna screw up yeah don't worry it's okay as long as you're giving love to them it's okay And so back to David, when Rachel told you she was pregnant... Oh I was super delighted. How old were you? Oh God! Hold on, so 18, I'm 64 now

39:59 So it was 18 years ago, can you work that one out? You're 46. There you go! I was 46 and i'd had...I thought my time's over, I didn't think I'd ever have a kid and Rachel had three kids she actually lost one of them so she'd had four kids And she did it for me, you know. She did it for me and obviously very...you know she's very glad that she did it. Yeah yeah. But also because she did it for me and uh it was mind-blowing this is fantastic experience. Were you at the birth?

40:36 I was at the birth, yeah. Well you know she'd done it quite a few times before so she was very much like relaxed about that whole process. Just 25 then! Picked that up for us earlier! Yeah exactly it's a bit like that well I remember the morning of when she realised she was in labour and I was getting ready for work and she said I don't think you're going to go to work today darling? And I went why?! And what's, you know short-cutting 18 years but what's your relationship like with David? I mean obviously i've known him for nearly 10 years and then saw him about eight months ago

41:35 Being a group leader at an event, talking to adults basically. He's got his own band and stuff... What's your relationship like with David? Just amazing! Just really free you know but we're best mates. We're best mates and it's very much his dad as well but we are best mates. Do you know the difference between the relationship that we would have had with our parents while I certainly being of my generation The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Steve Lovell, Richard Branson, Steve Lovell, Richard

42:16 Mind-blown he didn't know where it was coming from. Because you were on a rocking horse! I got you, yeah. The divide between the generations was vast wasn't it? Yeah You know the way we looked and when we talked about politics that the culture everything was massive now It's much much narrower I've been able to turn him on to lots and lots of music. Now he's turning me on too! So we've got this really... it's phenomenal, it's great you know? We'll go to a gig together

42:58 So, we're together. We'll hang out together it's just great you know it's like having a best mate really yeah Yeah and I think that is inspiring for me It's the relationship I am working on with my kids I think the reality for someone hearing that and thinking oh I wish I had that...it's not something you can turn on Now, I say oh we need to fix that. We're gonna make that happen today. Yeah but look if you can get that all we do generally in life is dominate or avoid domination That's our general state of being as a human being yeah? So out there in the world and you know we're looking for agreement with our belief system A belief system we haven't even created

43:48 We've just inherited, yeah? We were born pretty much an empty vessel and then we build this construct which becomes us. And then we try to protect it all these beliefs so we're trying to dominate to protect it or avoid domination to protect it. If you can get that then you can just realise oh this is how I'm communicating to my kids! You know I'm asking them to clear up their room because I don't think it's a good idea to have a scruffy room Who cares? Who gives a bloody damn, you know. Okay they've got a bit of a scruffy room maybe it is good for them to tidy up again for personal hygiene whatever but don't make it an issue don't make things an issue Don't try and thrust your ideas onto them give them freedom to discover I think if you start doing that like from today start doing that not relating to them as

44:43 I think, you know we relate to them as kids. Like they... one day they're going to grow up instead of us human beings does that make sense? Yeah yeah i'm gonna treat them like this because they're a kid and that's how you should treat exactly but treat them as you would like to be treated so it's not like get this done get your homework done do this but it's actually sitting down and talking to them why don't they want to do the homework I mean that's very much how i try and work with my kids as well. It does create a habit, that communication is ultimately a habit or it's a way of getting in between the two of you. Perhaps if someone hasn't got that right now bit like you did with your stepchildren

45:38 Starting from today we're going to begin to create it and that can grow over time whether the kid's four months or 14. You've still got time to grow that Yeah and also you know just realizing how much of our life has lived in, it should be this way. And then we have this guilt thing going on particularly if your father is separated from the marriage there's a big guilt trip going on and guilt is the most useless emotion on planet earth. Guilt doesn't The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Steve Lovell, Richard Branson,

46:23 Money and health. Well, health. I'll start with health. Go for it yeah So two and a half years ago i was rushed to hospital My bowels basically stopped working completely and utterly And I was in severe pain And I was blue lighted at the hospital They had to operate and they realised that there's a tumour

47:11 Basically this tumor had been growing over a long period of time and it blocked my bowels completely, you know. So you can imagine for quite a long period of time I was suffering from back pain. Yeah really comfortable that sounds yeah! Oh yeah it wasn't great and then they discovered there was secondary... It went to my lymph nodes and then started to spread and it spread into my liver so I had an operation on the bowel and an operation on my liver What's called a stoma, which is basically it's a colostomy bag. Yeah right for a period of time so the whole period was mind-blowing I reckon I'm speaking to somebody recently I reckon i've been to a doctor about five times ever in my life even as a kid you know? I'd never...I don't..somebody who doesn't take painkillers or then I didn't you know I've always had a healthy life other people get flu and colds I don't generally and here I was suddenly I was sick

48:08 So I've had that for two and a half years now. I had the scan last week, and the tumors were reduced by 90%. So I'm on a regime of chemotherapy at the moment, and that's working well. I avoided it for 2 years because i wanted to try alternatives Because of the 11th pack, but I realized that i couldn't go on like that anymore because it got really serious. Well what I take from just that simple statement is about...I've read lots about this as there's been growing movement around it which is really about owning your health care. Definitely!

48:52 I decided at that point, I'm not going to become a patient I don't wake up to cancer, i wake up to a great life and there's something in my body that needs to be dealt with. But it's not going to consume every moment, I'm not going to think about it every moment. I get to say how I am going to be around it and the way I will live life to the max!

49:43 So, you know I've written a book in the time of my cancer. I've made an album in the time of my cancer Next week my wife and I are going to go on an adventure to Europe in our new camper van for three weeks You know what? I'm doing...I'm involved with lots stuff still. That's awesome! I think that's made a difference Who knows what makes it different? We don't I think if you do research it then that does make a difference. Les Brown, a speaker probably people have heard of, a degree of his YouTube videos He refers to his cancer and how, very similar he doesn't refer to it as his illness or he doesn't refer to it as... Fighting it. People like to say fighting it. Yeah exactly yeah! It's just like back here and we're moving through it it's on its way you know it's like this time shall come to pass type thing. And um yeah that's very much very much how I've approached it

50:44 But that's how I approach life in general. You know, you can be a victim of your circumstances and say look...I get to say how it goes! I've got these dodgy circumstances but i get to say how I'm going to BE around those circumstances. And yeah, as I was saying, I haven't been consumed by it yet. It's not in my every waking thought which I think is for a lot of people Well I can see how the people around you are either wrapped into that sorrow and misery, we then create an atmosphere around your whole environment becomes negative or they're inspired by who you've been in the future. You're creating it like I'm hanging around here, we got stuff to do! People rarely mention it because how I am being is just living life so they don't even

51:35 I How does this outlook relate to finances? Obviously for people in families finances can be tough, people who are separated finances can get really tough when suddenly what you have becomes halved or even less. How have you managed your financial journey and dealing with money whether there was lots of it on not enough of it? And where's that brought you today? Well how I used to deal with money was really irresponsible as a record producer

52:37 People are paying vast amounts of money in cash, you know. And I used to put it in the attic and then... I related to it how much have I got? Have I got this much or this much? It wasn't a pile! How should I spend this weekend? Oh, I'll spend that much because I've got that much I was like that, you know. And then when you've got a family obviously it can't be like that and you're right! You go down on the Saturday morning to go out and there's a cheque for... you're pretty skint and there's a check for £20,000 suddenly arrived That's how I live my life, you know. So it was all the family feast and with the family... You know, I started to have to be responsible but there was something quite romantic about just earning a wage and actually putting effort into it But what my wife when I did we learned to live simply so, you know My experience is that if you've got money you buy a much better bottle of wine say

53:37 But your actual experience of it isn't any different from a cheaper bottle of wine. It might taste different but your actual experience isn't any different so when you've got money, it doesn't mean that life suddenly is rosy and picture. I mean obviously we need a certain amount just to survive but I've survived on so little and learned some... For us going out for cappuccino used to be the big truth like we wouldn't even do that I wouldn't even do that you know and certainly not buy a sandwich out or anything like that. So we learned to live like that and there was a non-attachment to it, you know? We weren't attached to it, we were fine still having a great life together so when I started to earn a little bit more money... It was just..I was happy anyway! So I related to money as if it wasn't going to alter who I'm being

54:34 I was either going to have it or wasn't going to have it and I've got a freedom around money. And, since I've had cancer that actually I'm earning a huge amount more than I've earned in the past. I'm doing less work but also we undersell ourselves often. I don't know if you've had that experience Jonnie where you kind of think Particularly I started a coaching company, you know. I coach relationships and personal coaching. I do business coaching but i don't actually do business. I do how people are being around their business and that's really taken off in this past two-and-half years while I've had cancer. And I've really valued my skills and in the past I hadn't done that. I can't judge that about

55:24 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Steve Lovell, Richard Branson, I think people need to read between the lines and see for themselves how they're being around money and the difference what you just outlined about how you're being about money. The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Steve Lovell, Richard Branson, Steve Lovell,

56:21 Very good, yeah. Yeah that's it really but it's all to do with non-attachment really you know I haven't got an attachment to money. I've got a freedom with money and I know that without it I'll be fine and with it I'll be fine It's great to have a little bit of freedom with it, great to have a little bit of money but it doesn't buy me happiness. I'm happy anyway and it's not going to buy me happiness so... And it is easy to say that! I am not a single parent who's struggling. It's easy for me to say that you know because I've got this stability in my life So I get from a lot of people it's very very difficult

57:02 But I think if you can really look at it in your association with money and get a freedom around it, okay I've got no money now. Not going to worry about it. I'm not gonna be consumed by it. Just gonna have freedom around it and then I think that generates something Well there's so many things we could talk about. I've got some subjects about kids and advice you give them on different types of subjects but... Can i promote my book? Oh well, we would definitely get onto that! But do that now because I want to finish with fun So I'd love to hear about your book right now go for it yeah definitely. I'll do it now?! Yeah yeah go for it! I've just written this book and then I've just realised I've got not-for-resale copy here It's all a bit scruffy but the relationship where you can buy this on Amazon

57:51 So it's Steve Lovell, The Relationship Book and it's very cheap. I've kept it really cheap to make it available to people so it's £3.90 for this. It's not cheap Steve! It's remarkably affordable. Remarkably... exactly! Yeah there is me talking about relationships and money It's remarkably good value. Remarkably affordable, and the e-book you can download for I think £2.90 so um and you know it's something that i've uh Yeah, I've been working on for quite a while in my relationship and also the coaching i do. And I just wanted to give it... Give away what I know. Is this people can use this in their marriage or in their business relationships? It's more like a workbook really so what it is you know there's an introduction to a chapter about different aspects of relationship and then there are exercises to do. So very pragmatic

58:49 And then I go on to talk about it more in depth afterwards, but you don't need to read that bit. You just need a chapter and do the exercises and within a day...I say if you use these exercises within a day things will shift in their relationship If you've got some distance with your partner something that you know your relationship doesn't quite lighten up anymore This will start to work. And this is good for people whose relationship is kind of flourishing and they could take it to the next level as well, as people whose relationship is on its knees? Absolutely yeah! It's both about sustaining your relationships and rekindling your relationships. Yeah I mean a breakup situation...this will assist you in that

59:39 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Steve Lovell, Richard Branson, It's not about a romantic relationship with my ex-partner. At the stage we're at, it's kind of gone beyond even being friends sadly. I do hold out that hope to some degree simply for the benefit of the kids and every time our life crisscrosses in the future but even right now just to be able to resolve basic day-to-day

1:00:20 Yeah, football boots at five o'clock type communication. I think the stance to always take is i get to say how this goes, I'm 100% responsible and not look at your partner for that and then be prepared to give up your right to be right yeah you know now I'm not talking about being a doormat here I'm not talking about giving up your commitment to something but be prepared I speak to a lot of people... Rosie's making her own little vlogs here. What are you going to take pictures of? She's making our own videos, vlogs

1:01:15 That's, I mean you know obviously we're clearly interrupting the podcast here but that's also real. That that's my life yeah i love it! That's my important thing um what was i going to say uh... Yeah were talking about giving rights. Oh single dads justifying their stance and tone and behavior towards their ex based on what happened? And I try and encourage them to say well first of all What you think happened may not be her experience of what happened. So how you're being back to her is based on what you think she did to you and actually if she didn't think she did it to you, and you're being mean to her... She just experienced you being mean to her for no reason! It's what in landmark we call the occurring world so we generally don't get

1:02:09 How something is occurring for the other person. We can get how we think it should occur to the other person, so we're always communicating into how we think it should occur rather than how it does occur So if you can get actually even though you think they're totally insane but it occurs like this then there's access to real communication I've got an email, they can get in touch with me or they can go to my website. My website is stevelovellcoach.com

1:03:00 And, shall I give my email? Yes. Email me at stevelovellcoachgmail.com. I'm going to fix that for you so you become Steve at stevelovellcoach.com. I've got to bring my digital marketing skills too! Oh good yeah. But stevelovellcoach.com And so just to finish Steve, fun. Fun like I mean we could sit here and talk for hours about all the fun you've had in your whole life but right now

1:03:37 Your social life, what's your source of fun? How do you keep your friendships? We've spoken a lot about your relationship but in terms of your friendship and your social life. What's your access to fun right now? My wife says every day has to be Christmas for me doesn't it And I'm like that. I am a bit like that, iIm a bit of a big kid really you know? I love ice cream, you know. I love just the simple kind of enjoyment to food. I love being creative and it's very important for me to be creative so creating music and what have you but i think it's very easy as you get older to just get weighed down by all the significance, you know, the mortgage and all that and you've really got to just create it, create that fun time

1:04:38 And I just enjoy, like you're saying the simple pleasures in life so much. You know get out there looking at the sky going for country walks just being with the kids Those things that we kind of take for granted really, I think that's what's important to me just engaging with those. And fun is very much with other people as well you know it doesn't work to do on my own being with other people and generating it together We've got 20 people coming over to the house tomorrow landmark people I'm going to cook loads and loads of food, and just you know gonna go in the garden in the sun. And you know that's fun for me yeah if you're around Jonnie please drop by. Tomorrow? That's Monday isn't it or today? Uh tomorrow, tomorrow is Monday. People at lunch on Mondays! No it's evening. Okay I got that, I got that. And uh I guess just finally laughter do you get to laugh enough

1:05:42 Probably not as much as I could, but i do. I have to run past what I'm going to say often to my wife because somebody...I can say really inappropriate things and I can see fun in everything you know? So uh I used to get into a bit of trouble so I run it past my wife now I'm not a big comedian fan, but I like just generating the ridiculous. And i am kind of a little bit known for being a bit stupid really. A bit silly? But it's great isn't it!

1:06:24 Just really, really quick. Yeah have we got time? Yeah of course we have yeah! I went to see the Dalai Lama Gilmore, the guitarist from Pink Floyd had organized this he's a Buddhist and it was up at the Ali Pali quite a few years ago and it's just a little festival very intimate and the Dalai Lama came spoke with all these different religious leaders so they were all sort of you know talking about Christianity The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Steve Lovell, Richard Branson,

1:07:05 So free, so not significant and having real fun. And then he came on the mic and he was just making jokes and I thought oh it's not amazing! That's what transformation is for me you know that's what liberation is when you can drop the significance and just get you know life's for living and bite the other one I'd say bite the arse out of I did a whole bunch of these podcasts to start with. And they were all a bit serious. I didn't intend them to be serious, but what i wanted them to be was real you know and it was speaking to people who I thought could help dads you know and the context was all about uh what do you do when this happens? What can you help dads with that happens? And I shelved it for a while and just went back

1:08:00 You never know where inspiration comes from, do you? You can be very significant about it and inspiration can come from a very different angle than you think. So hopefully we've inspired a few people here today, maybe not! And I apologize if we haven't but thank you. No doubt we have and there's so many things that we haven't touched on even as i'm wrapping up here i'm thinking about things from our past and things you told me to do or not to do that i didn't listen to

1:08:54 You naughty boy! Exactly. But Steve, hold your book up again let's have a quick one more look at that. Amazon you can buy it from so... Yeah and I've seen some of the testimonials for that already so i'm actually going to get myself a copy and read through that. It's a quick read anyway isn't? It is fairly quick yeah and you know you don't have to read it all to get results. Awesome Well Steve Lovell, thank you so much for being on the Team Superdad Podcast. Good friend even someone who's inspired my life like I said it's not easy being a step-dad and knowing those three kids that have been part of your life i know how touched and inspired they've been by you David is a real credit as well as being a little you he's such a character in himself

1:09:47 He doesn't worry about conventions, he's so much his own spirit and that's a testimony to any parent as well. And your relationship with Rachel such a strong couple and the people around you are so benefited by you being in their lives So thank you for being here. Thank you Jonnie, that's great acknowledgement. I wouldn't be able to receive that in the past but I'm receiving it now so thank you Thank you Steve, I'm gonna hit stop recording and we'll see you soon. See ya! Wow that was awesome i hope you enjoyed that interview with Steve Lovell plenty more interviews coming up with other dads just like Steve

1:10:36 Maybe some mums as well, you know there's two sides to this for sure. If you are a dad or if you know someone who would be an awesome guest on the Team Superdad Podcast maybe there is someone that you would like me to chat too then send them my way put them in touch send them over to the team super dad page on facebook thats facebook.com teamsuperdad or twitter instagram they both teamsuperdadhq and of course you can email me at jonniejensenatteamsuperdad.com What's coming up next? Well the Rebuild Program is, there's a kickoff of the pilot in October. If you are interested in being part of that then there's loads of benefits and bonuses for being on the first group so get in touch with me now and speak to me about that if this is your listening to this on like a box set like oh if you're bingeing this then you can be sure that The Rebuild Program will be kicking off just as couple of weeks probably they run every

1:11:34 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Steve Lovell, Richard Branson, Steve Lovell, Subscribe to this podcast, please share it. If you're on YouTube or watching the video anywhere then please also subscribe there and hit us up some likes so you can be sure they are all go towards promoting and helping the team super ba... da... okay that is a problem of trying to speak too fast

1:12:12 That is the best way. Liking and sharing and putting reviews in for this podcast, for this video subscribing to the channel that is the best way of helping me make The Team Superdad Podcast and community as successful as possible so your support is welcome and appreciated much like your time today listening to this. Team Superdad out I'll speak you soon bye This has been Team Superdad. Find us at teamsuperdad.com Join the Rebuild Program and create the best life ever for you and your children! You are not alone, you're on Team Superdad