John Campbell #7 - sports mentor, sex coach, football club director, ships captain and Dad

00:00 Welcome to Team Super Dad. In this episode I speak to John Campbell, football director, captain of merchant ships, sex coach and simply an awesome guy with an amazing life story. I know you're gonna love it! Enjoy... Roll theme! Welcome to team super dad real dads creating their best lives ever more time more money more fun You are not alone, you're on Team Super Dad. And this is the podcast. So each week we speak to coaches, entrepreneurs, sports people famous and also everyday dads with a story to tell there really is nothing that we can't achieve in life and so often we lose track of where we wanted to get to the things that we wanted, the amount fun we need money as we like to say be more earn more play more

01:11 And so, welcome if you're here for the first time. If you're a regular listener then it's great to have you back Of course if you love this show then give me some feedback because that helps me improve it. If you don't like it well feedback as well helps but more important than anything I would love you to give us a review on iTunes iTunes more than any other platform is important. The reviews, the positive reviews help get your podcast featured if you don't listen on podcast... If you don't listen on iTunes then by all means leave us a review wherever you're listening My favorite app on the iPhone is Breaker it's really socially engaged Thanks for listening.

02:06 Like I said, today's interview is with John Campbell. Awesome guy! He's in his 70s but he speaks with all the energy of a young guy but he has such wisdom and so many awesome stories to tell both from his family, his parents growing up in Africa and India, stories about alcoholism, The The opportunities that lie out there and how we can actually make them happen. So, enjoy the episode! Enjoy the podcast if you're a dad if you are famous or someone who you think would be a great guest on this show maybe that's you or maybe you know someone then put them in touch with me You can also go and see the briefing notes on bitly that's bit.ly forward slash TSD briefing as in Team Super Dad Briefings

03:27 And yeah, and it's not only men that we want to talk to. There are loads of mums out there, loads of women I'm interviewing a woman on Sunday We're going to be doing affirmations talking about the power of affirmations and speaking good words into your life. So this really is about Empowering dads, empowering people like yourself and I to kickstart their life in the area of money and fun relationships work of course. And most important than anything having a great time with our kids so without further ado let's get on with the episode i know you're going enjoy it and i'll see you on the other side

04:13 Hello, welcome to the Team Super Dad podcast. It's me Jonnie Jensen here founder of Team Super Dad and coach of Super Dads Everywhere as always we have great guests on this podcast I rue the day when you have a rubbish one but today is no exception and i'm really delighted to introduce John Campbell to you all good afternoon John Good afternoon Jonny great to be with you and all your guests where they are. Oh I've lost sound on you John hold tight I've lost sound on John, hang on. It's probably me! Hang on it is me... I hadn't lost sound at all you're actually in my ears come on You can hear me now? Yeah i can hear you now yeah it wasn't you it was me And I could play games like I'm... Oh no you can now pretend yeah so there we go that just shows we're live that's always good people will love to know that you are actually live

05:14 So, John why don't you introduce yourself. I mean there's so many cool things about you that are just put in the little bio. We've got a former Brighton director we've got a dad and grandfather, a coach to footballers and athletes around the world. There is some kind of Is it like sex coach thing somewhere in there as well? What's the... yeah, we'll get on to that as well. We might leave that till last since that is the last thing I learnt to do! Oh yeah, that's what you were telling me, so John why don't you do your intro proud and tell us about yourself

05:55 Yeah, well where have I been on a journey? Jonnie it's been magnificent. You know, I call it waking journey because I think every one of us is asleep when we first come in and you know we all have different paths different journeys no one is wrong no one is right but when it's your time to wake up I think it should try to wake up! I was born in India...I feel very blessed and appreciative now because so I was born into a culture that was very free I was raised in Africa. My mum was alcoholic, which was a wonderful gift to me because it meant she didn't worry about me! She was off her head most of the time as I was free bird you see? So in those early years I was totally free. I never went to school and have any schooling so my days were playing with the natives really... The locals and the animals and what-have-you. And were you there for your dad's work or something?

06:52 Yeah, yeah. My dad had worked overseas for many many years and he met my mother in Malaya... No! In London took her to Malaya married her during the Japanese invasion and they escaped How old are you John? Well some people say I'm 73, I feel like 33 And some people say I'm 2003 So there ya go My dad's 76, I've got a neighbour next to me who is 83 and so it's... Old people are getting younger which can only be good for me as I start to get older. The more people are waking up there's a lot of people realising now that we are what we think about here So I like to think young thoughts and thinking good things Yeah so that was my life early on

07:47 Then we came to England when I was nine for the first time, and it was a terrible shock to me. First of all the cold never used to the cold being born in India raised in Africa two different countries in Africa an Australian so that was a shock and go to school is a shock You know, my mother's... I went home the first day and said well that was interesting but what do i do tomorrow? And she said you go there every day. So I just went through primary school and lots of things happened from there on to... I got the 11 plus, went into grammar school

08:31 Whereabouts in the UK were you living? In Sussex. When we first came to England, we lived for a year in a little place called Coodon Beach near Bexhill And then my mum did what alcoholics will recognise as a geographical. She managed to convince my dad that the reason she drank was because of the place we were in! It's a classic by the way, it's a classic so he bought that one and said okay well move you know? So we all moved further along in Sussex to Burgess Hill and that's where I went for my last couple years in primary school

09:08 And then went to grammar school in Brighton. So I went on the train every day, you know down to Brighton from Burgess Hill and Buckingham. It was an all boys' school. I had a lot of fun. I didn't take it seriously. That's what school was for. I always thought it was to have fun so...and I was lucky that I was in the C-stream And 1C's, fellow school if there are any of them watching remember. 1C were put into a classroom called the shack and the shack was fantastic because it was an all wooden army Nissan shack you know and it was across the other side of playground

09:47 So we had the advantage that when the master was coming to deliver the next lesson, he'd come out of the main building and walk right across the parade ground which is our playground as well. Yeah! We had all this time to get ourselves back in order because we used to have mayhem between lessons So basically they put all the troublemakers in the same class. Yeah, I think that was the idea really. On the other side of the playground! In case anyone's like wondering a bit of a context there Brighton is pretty much a party town it is also historical comes up regularly comes up in the top 10 places to live

10:24 I did used to live there actually and curiously my ex-wife didn't really like it there, and she promised me things would be better when we moved. She wasn't a boozer but I certainly got a geographical done on me there! So Brighton was a lot of fun... It's always been a lot of fun really as far as i understand yeah? Yeah well the thing was I'm not trying to be funny, but I had a lot of wisdom as a young boy. You know, I used to question things you see? Well why? Well they weren't used to that! They weren't used to a 12 year old questioning the teacher... well why?! I wouldn't know why! Because she basically came from a different culture basically Yeah absolutely and I couldn't understand why they wasted time trying to force information into

11:11 our young minds about subjects we haven't got the slightest interest in. That to me was already dawning on me at 11, 12 years of age. Yeah So I just have fun you know if i wasn't interested in the subject and just play around And they used to say things to me like... In my school reports every school report said John is a Daydreamer. Jonnie's hampered by a poor memory, none of which... well I was a daydreamer because i realized the power of visualization even at that age because that's what I was doing. Again is that culturally as well? That kind of something you were encouraged to do in India as opposed to what is discussed? No! I don't know what it was Jonnie,

11:52 I thought, well if i'm not interested in this subject what am I interested in? So I'd start focusing on what I want to do. So I focused on traveling the world because I was already a born traveler you know... A world traveller at the age of 12! so I wanted to get away from home that was number one. So I would visualize going all these countries and traveling the world and of course it all happened yeah And the memory thing when they say he's hampered by poor memory I wasn't hampered.. I've got my wife says she can't believe your memory And what they didn't realize, the teachers blessed their souls. They didn't realize I wasn't interested in remembering what they wanted me to remember! That's all it was...

12:31 But give me something I'm interested in, cool. I can pluck it out like that! Yeah awesome and listen John just for context let's just explain to everybody what you do now kind of thing and then we'll come back to where we're at. Just give some context to all this story that you're telling and different questions we're going to ask about as well? I don't even like the word teach. What I introduce people to who are ready, Annie and I use a term we only work with people leaning forward. And Annie's your current wife? Yes she is amazing yeah so we work with people that are leaning forward because it's too much hard work for those were leaning backwards! We've given that up, we tried that didn't work. So the ones really need full we actually teach them that if they get if they understand how their mind works

13:22 They can change their whole life. And you see, most people... I would say everybody does what they do in life for one reason really. We're all wired to what the world would be called selfishness which is not really a negative thing! We do what we do because we think by doing it we're going to feel good and that shows everything like Mother Teresa did wonderful work in the world but really underneath it was because of what she did made us feel good She felt good. Yeah, by all that helps you. So it's the same with everybody so what we introduce people to is a concept instead of looking for something outside of yourself thinking that's going to make you feel good every single person has the power to feel good first and then just watch how what they enjoy and what they like will come through them You know? We always say Jonnie its simple, so simple and not easy

14:22 Because of the way we're hardwired. If you go around, if anybody goes around and just spends the day saying I'm going to listen to conversations amongst their public whatever whether it's on the radio or in a cafe whether it's on the beat wherever... I guarantee 90% of the conversations people will be talking about what they don't like. They'll be having a moan about something Even when I coach people, I say first thing you do is go around and every time you're going to a shop or store or whatever always say how are you today? 99% will say not bad. Yeah Jon! I was about to say that and what I hate the most is when people say that because genuinely when I say someone how are you I'm actually interested in how they are

15:12 They don't even hear the question, they just give their automatic answer of not too bad thanks. And I'm like that doesn't even mean anything and if it did it's actually quite negative! Yeah yeah absolutely yeah because so I always have a stock thing and I love it because I feel good when I do it. I say to them how you doing today? And they go not bad. Oh that means pretty good! Yeah yeah so what does that mean? I'm doing pretty good yeah So that's... so the teaching is as simple as that. We have a little game we play, where you say we have to eliminate four Cs and the four Cs are complaining, criticizing comparing and controlling Now that's a task! That is a tough order It is a task And that's why I was so keen and interested to do this today You know when I came across

16:03 I came across you via Gary Stevens, the former Tottenham England player. So it's great to get connected that way but then when i saw your videos and heard you speaking about these things in a different way... You were talking about how this impacts footballers and athletes and yeah to me I just thought wow! This is a whole paradigm that many dads won't be aware of when they're looking at their relationship with their kids and their relationship with their ex The success they're having in their career and life and everything. This is like a hidden wall for many people, and they don't even know it's there. They're butting up against it wondering why things aren't quite going so well. So you know having you on today and hearing about your story about how you came to this but also some insights that people can get access too breaking through those four Cs that you just spoke about is brilliant

16:54 Well, yeah. Thank you Jonnie and it is true I mean...I can honestly say that my life today is constantly joyous happy and free! Who wouldn't want that? Yeah And you see the thing is.. I think that's the desire of every human being is freedom really Freedom to be themselves And I haven't always been like that. That's the thing, I want people to know. Perfect! Well let's get on to both those things. I want to get onto how people can access that but also wanted sort of dig through some of how it didn't always be that way. So you were talking about school earlier... How much have an influence on your childhood was your dad?

17:33 Well, I don't know where to start. Well, I'll come straight in with this one. I think I mentioned offline when we were phoning...I found out only two years ago that the man who I thought was my dad for 71 years – you know? Yeah! I'm 73 now – was not my dad Wow. He's not my biological father and that was something that came to me as a feeling for the last 10 years, and it took me ten years before uncovering and going doing a test with my young nephew to confirm but there is no way his grandfather could have been mine... his great-grandfather could have... No sorry! His grandfather could be my father Yeah So but the man who raised me, as often in the case he was my model, he was my male model you know

18:18 He was a very kind, very gentle. He was a disabled man born disabled with the deformity of his left leg so he couldn't fight in the military. He had a lot of shame around that which I then picked up on And he was a doormat, basically. He absolutely adored my mother. Absolutely adored her! She was very beautiful, elegant... came from quite a wealthy background and I think what he told me once when he was on his way towards the end and I said why did you stay? Because she was pretty hardcore. Yeah. Then he said your mother was such a beautiful woman

18:58 And I'm a cripple. And that really brought me to tears, you know? To think he thought he was his disability but... Right yeah! So he had a big influence it...I became very similar in that respect. I attracted not the most gentle of people in my life, you know? But also gave me tremendous positive, you know, and he was very kind Yeah, he loved his kids. I mean he knew that i was not his child He didn't know...He didn't tell me but he knew and he treated me if anything And I used to find it was uncomfortable some of him probably treated me better than he did His own son who I thought my full brother, but was my half-brother See I was the youngest

19:48 So yeah, he had a big influence on me with my football. My love of football... He loved his sport! Where was he from? Who did he support? Fulham. He was born in London. Yeah, I mean he tells me...I've got to share this story just for people who are football lovers to see how the game has changed. He took me to Fulham Craven Cottage When a guy called Tosh Chamberlain, some of your older viewers might have heard of him. He was a winger played for Fulham and Jonnie Haynes who was captain of England at the time in an imperious football I mean wonderful passable you know he was captain of Fulham and he was the first person to break the wage thing when they were there we used to be on 20 pound a week but he was the first hundred-pounder player okay and Jonny Haynes used to ping these 40 yard balls out to Tosch on the right wing

20:40 And you know, Tosh would pick his foot up – his right foot up to trap the ball and it'd go under his foot out for a throw into the other side. And Jonnie Haines was a little bit... people would say he was arrogant but no, he was so good! He used Stanley with his hands on hips shaking his head, you see? Well, he did this one too many times in this match So Tosh walks across to the dugout where they just used to throw their tracksuits into the dugout in those days You know, no subs obviously Yeah yeah dug out, pulled his tracksuits, pulled out his wood bones and sat and lit up a wood one in the minute of what is equivalent to a Premier League game. I think that's a great story to tell you. Apparently at Tottenham they used to literally not all players but apparently George Best was known to do this as well run out half time

21:31 And have a swift half at the pub on the corner. Yeah, well I mean in those days it was regular thing they'd have a bottle of brandy in the dressing room and everybody would have a nip of brandy Now I understand that especially having gone down the drinking road myself... I don't drink now as you know for 20 years but I understand that because that's what it does It takes away any fear oh my god! You can take on the world when you've had that little nip But that was football, so he made me fall in love with football. Yeah and falling in love with football! And so you're living in Brighton... What happened after school? How did you get on at school? What happened afterwards? Well I messed around for five years, so I failed all my GCs and Dad called me in and said, You've got to get your backside into gear, have you got a side? So I just decided yeah, yeah I'm gonna go. And I decided I wanted to go to sea because it was my fastest route ever to get away from home right?!

22:25 So I just got my head down and I got 5 O levels. I got an A level in art, I was very gifted in art. I had my first drawings published in the little book when I was doing my studies at grammar school. And yeah, sailed through, got five O levels then took off for the Merchant Navy And started my own journey. I mean, I was so terrified and I was so anxious in those days! I can remember I joined the first ship and obviously I was a cadet, I was officer cadet... ...and all the other officers were wearing gold band, one ring two rings three rings captain four rings all that.

23:03 I was terrified sitting at the officers in the officer's dining room for dinner or lunch and all this gold brass all around me, you know. I was terrified! I was just mortified...terrified and I wasn't old enough to drink as only 17 And the captain called me when I signed on and he said, listen young man you know you're under...I was indentured apprentice and that makes the captain responsible for you. He said you're not allowed to drink alcohol all right? You understand that? I said okay no problem! And i can remember going into The Officer's Bar which was very grand a crystal row with a steward all done in his white jacket they mean all the big time and all these officers with gold bands around them and I'm sneaking up

23:44 I went to the bar for the first time and the steward says, what would you like to drink? And I said an orange juice please. Just then this group of officers to one side happened to burst out laughing! I was so self-conscious that they were laughing at me and I flaked out I flaked out through anxiety thinking they were... Fainted? Yeah, I fainted. Oh my gosh! So from then on, that's when I discovered alcohol was a great help to me so from then on this is typical I used to go into the engineers mess because the engineers in their boiler suits couldn't come into the lunch room, they had a special mess. So they had their own fridge with beers in there and I was going to sink a couple of beers to give me courage to ask for an orange juice!

24:40 What would you say to a dad who's trying to encourage their teenager, who is bit of tear away at school and he has got to get knuckled down and just get some kind of equality. What would be saying to your 15-16 year old self at that time in school as a dad? What I'd be saying to them is there something which you love and enjoy whatever it is find out what it is And if they say well don't know what it is close your eyes And imagine you've got a million quid in the bank and you've got no family. What would make your heart sing to do as a job? Whatever that is, that's what you could be doing because the majority of people... Tap into your intuition! Yeah exactly tap into it. The majority people get influenced by A. Is he going to bring enough money

25:33 Or B, what the family gonna say. Yeah! If it doesn't fit... The Family! It's all unconsciousness you know? A lot of Asian families struggle with that and Jewish families their sort of predefined route is if it's not what you want to do then what the hell do you do?! That's right so that to answer your question I'll be saying to him find out what you love doing there's got to be something you love doing and do it Don't, don't be respectful in the classes you're in with subjects that you're not the slightest bit interested. So I would make sure your honour other people who are wanting to learn that subject but if you're not just take it in and certainly take no notice of exams. I said to him, I came out here so I said exams just think of exams as a way the authorities need to check and see how good their teachers are

26:30 Don't take it to mean anything about you. It's just a number and to focus on appreciating yourself, well now with the knowledge I have now I'd be teaching them get rid of the four Cs don't complain, don't criticize, don't compare and don't control. Yeah well let's get onto that as a framework shortly so how many kids have you got then? Six! Six?! Six that i know about I'm going to have to do a lot more shagging before i start having that problem. Well you know what they say, I've been to 103 different countries the last time I checked. Wowzers! Oh because of the sailing stuff? Yeah well yeah and business travels. So how long did you stay in the Navy for and amongst all that where did you meet your first wife?

27:23 Well, I went in at 17. I became a captain at 26. I was the youngest guy on the first ship I was captain of which was... Oh did they take the piss out of me? I'll tell you! A full crew from the Humber side. Hull. They were pisstakers and I left when That's pretty impressive by the way, I don't think we can just skirt past that. I mean... I can't contextually get it other than we just went from talking about The Officer's Mess and the grandeur of it to 11 years later you're the captain of your own ship! Yeah yeah no it was amazing really I mean like I got married quite young to my first wife and my eldest daughter's mum

28:08 The marriage broke up after a couple of years, two or three years. And I left...I was in Shell Tankers which i found complete boring! I've never been one good for bullshit Jonnie And there was more bullshit in Shell than there ever was in the Royal Fleet Auxiliary, which I started with. So that... In other words we'd be in the Persian Gulf 2 o'clock morning 110 degrees and a captain would shout at me to put my shirt on and I'm thinking who am I putting this shirt for? You know middle of the Persian Gulf. Hey all that shit!

28:43 So my desire was, I kept thinking one day when i'm going to be captain I want to be so good. Good to the guys up there make sure the ship is well fed because when you're at sea that's what we look forward to your food and your money! That was a big driving force for me to be the one to make the decisions to make people's lives better already I had that kind of feeling. When I eventually got into the supply boat game And I was captain. I had a ball and we had a ball, and we would divert the ship, divert course to go visit these unvisited islands. Put the lifeboat over with two cases of beer and few roast chickens and go off and mix with local ladies... We had a ball! Brilliant! The world's changed maybe the world hasn't changed for people in those kind of jobs but i think you know my dad used to he was into motor racing

29:33 He was a Works Ford and Toyota rally driver, Lance Estratos. They used to do crazy stuff! They'd have rallies in the middle of the night just wherever they wanted to start one. The parties The women and literally then go get up the next morning be like right they're on the start of an international rally, and they're off. Obviously sport is far more professional now but you do wonder if people are having as much fun? My dad says to me problem is son you don't have enough fun! I'm totally with you. A classic example is that I literally did that.

30:17 I signed on the vessel in Djibouti, in what was then the French territory of the Fars and Isards. And I was going down to Mauritius and I thought... I looked at the chart virtually uninhabited island, there was just a few people. You know, oh let's go and have look at that side, diverted orphan! We put the boat down with it back in the column banyans you put the boat down get some beer, have some chickens, have some fun come back to the boat we went going again no questions asked you know Now, from some time, officers on the watch of vessels have their own colour. So the chief officer has maybe a red pen – I don't know what it is – second officer will have a blue pencil and third officer will have green pencil and at the end of their watch they have to mark where the ship's position is and at the end of a voyage all the charts go to head office

31:14 To be calculated how much miles any officer wasted on their watch, you know if they went three miles off course or two. Let alone detour and go and have some fun! But you're right it's got so serious and that's what I bring into everything now is gotta have fun, I've gotta have fun. Everything's got to be joy footballs gonna be joy one of the biggest problems i see in the game is teams where there's lack of joy and fun Well, Mourinho. Blimey! That man lacks joy. Yeah but you see there's a classic case of somebody that came in like a breath of fresh air if you remember when he came from Porto but then that thing called EGO starts and rises raises his rotten head... I always say ego the ego means easing God out

32:06 Yeah, yeah. When I go, when I go...yeah! That's me having a moment as I say this to various guests and they're like whoa! And the word of course, so I realise the word God can really trigger some people but you see I don't think God has got anything do with religion nothing To me, God is just a word for love. Unconditional love. I find words very interesting! Yeah, I have similar views on faiths... to think that one faith is wrong over another faith? If we come from different parts of the world

32:47 You know, ultimately if our faith is a pretty wholesome faith which I think most mainstream faiths are pretty wholesome. Then who are we to each tell each other that our gods are first of all different let alone better than each others? The likelihood is that it's a God for all seasons kind of adapted to fit a culture as truly biblical view, but certainly as I see God operate in the world today. It's generally a force for good and if we could unite behind that as a faith then we do stand a chance of not blowing ourselves into smithereens. Yeah no and i think people are waking up to that! And for me I have a lot of fun with words you know? I love words because they're very...I always look at the word god

33:36 The word love and the word now all have in the middle of them one big zero. One big zero, Love God Now! They all have this big zero and I think there's a message there that it's a circle and it's nothing... It's now, love. That's what God is, He's love isn't he? So what's the encouragement there for you, for people to be present in the moment? Or what are you saying? Yeah. Well, first of all, become aware of all their triggers in life. What triggers you?

34:16 That's always a healing. It's just a sign there is something to be healed, and for me I happen to use the tool of forgiveness but it is a different type of forgiveness because you see peace and love and joy are our natural states that's our natural state so I will say what went wrong? And what went wrong in my belief now is that we forgot who we are We forgot that that's who we are And we got further and further away until the pain of staying the same is bigger than the fear of making a change. That's where we come on our journey, and I believe everybody will be led to a point in their lives

35:03 This is not working, whether it's in a work situation relationship or whatever and that creates... And you know even in football. You talk about Mourinho. Mourinho was the man in my opinion he's in so much pain. So we're talking about like upset upon upset upon upset guilt resignation fear this kind of baggage that we end up carrying around with ourselves And the sign, the red flag is when we start blaming everybody else. If you think of Mourinho's look especially it got worse and worse in my opinion but everything was everybody else. It was the media, it was this that, nobody loves me and blah blah blah there's a sign. The minute we start pointing the finger I say to my co-host

35:47 coaching class, always look and see. When you're pointing the finger of blame at somebody else it's very symbolic. You've got one finger pointing at them but we've got three fingers pointing back to us that is a little reminder to take our focus off them and bring your focus onto us. Yeah well I know my own marriage and everything there's obviously a lot of upset the breakdown, the blame somewhere has to come on the journey a look in the mirror to see what What could I be responsible for? And when you start asking yourself that question, suddenly so much appears. You're now looking again at what went wrong but from a what was my role in that how could I be more responsible if and then something I found very positive is keep going back well what caused that or what caused that or what caused that and what cause

36:38 Oh my gosh, I caused that. Not wrong or blame but when anybody can start to take a look at the situation and realize that they have some function in it, they had some responsibility then freedom comes from that because quite often you know Even communicating that to the person, the ex or whatever the person you're upset with. You can create some freedom in that relationship and thats really important for me looking at dads and people rebuilding their lives and having strong positive relationships in their life somewhere another that relationship with our ex

37:13 And their family, their friends. When it's left as a big stink is quite a massive shadow on one's life really so I think in what you're sharing there and i see that heard in that Big Zero in those important words about really being present to where am I at? What's going on? How can I enjoy today more? What can a baby be responsible for? That's something Yeah, and it's interesting you bring up the words responsible. You see again I love words you see if you say to someone how do you spell responsible they'll tell you, you know, are you responsible? And i always write it response A-B-L-E instead of I-B-L-E. And I say because really the word means able to respond

38:00 When people look at responsibility as ability to respond rather than responsibility, you know something on my shoulders it changes. And my life changed when I was able and honest enough to acknowledge i was a hundred percent responsible for everything in my life Everything. Now that is a big ask of people, it took me a long time before I truly acknowledged that and then i used a little analogy with people as they will tell me about all the terrible things have happened in your life so then you know go on this great thing explain all these terrible things and I said okay they all seem different different places different people different things what's the one common denominator?

38:42 It's you, or it's me. Oh okay never thought about that! So I'm the one who can change everything and I truly believe Jonnie, I truly believe that you don't have to worry about the ex or the ex-employer or whatever if you do the work on yourself and your relationship with them in your head In your head and in your heart, you don't have to run around and start giving them hugs and telling them all sorts of things. If you do that work it has to change! It's almost like our life and our relationship is like a mobile that you hang over a kiddies cot... if you move one part of that mobile all the rest of the mobile starts to shift so that's the beauty of this work I don't have to worry see when i broke up from my last wife

39:32 I just want to be friends, you know. I just said look...I know it's over its time to move on nobody else involved and just so it's time to be honest. And when that was that we had four kids with the second wife? Five! Five kids with a second wife and how long were they together for? 27 years. 27 years yeah and I knew in my deepest soul I knew that work was done I had to move on and I would just get out down the road everything will be fine but of course thats not where she was She was upset. Yeah, she's angry! So she rebelled against me in a really tough way especially around the kids

40:12 Eventually, when I got into this work which I'll talk about later, the A Course in Miracles. I started to do the work so that I would do visualizations and picture her in a golden circle. I'd bring some into my consciousness somebody who I really was at peace with in my life, who I loved and they love me... And then I get a picture of them then I get a picture of my ex-wife and then I merge the two in a circle of golden light into one picture in my mind And you know, this is leading edge stuff. A lot of people turn around and say what a load of old codswallow! That's okay it's not my work. What other people think of me is none of our business I know it works and when people experience it that's when they change They say oh my god this works...and the great thing about this type of work You don't have to understand it, you don't have to believe even if you do it, it works

41:09 And that's a great thing because so much of our programming is we have to understand everything. We have to understand, no-no we don't have to understand it, you have to experience. Truly yes and I was listening to some Wayne Dyer the other day and And someone else put the day before that, I can't remember. But he was saying we talk about, Oh well, and I'm listening to Stefan Arneo's book Hard Times Create Strong Men. Great book! I listen to a lot of books rather than read them. He was talking about faith and saying whether you believe in God or not

41:48 There's too much weird stuff goes on in this world to say that we just got out of the sea one day and evolved into who we are. There's too many coincidences, there's too many... How did all the other Neanderthal The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Team Super Dad, We believe that our mobile phones work. That's right, we don't question what electricity is done when we put the switch on, we just put it on and its there!

42:32 Yeah. So I think, so for me when people can tap into that and realize you don't have to believe in God to actually really okay...so having a faith having an awareness that we are spirit bodies not just physical bodies is an access to it to a whole world of possibilities and connections and healing I got talking to some guy the other day who was pretty depressed and really doubting every single thing that was going on in the world, but he was so shut off. It was all about what you could see and touch and that looked bad at that moment. No, and I mean, I love...I did a lot of reading when I started to wake up because I didn't read anything until

43:20 In my 50s, till I started to wake up. And I read a lot of Sufi books from Sufi masters like Hafiz was a Sufi poet and he had a lovely phrase he said in the end all human beings only have two choices they either come to God dressed for dancing Or they get wheeled into God's ward on a stretcher. And I think that's beautiful, and people... you know the word God gets bad rap because of certain religious programmings but i understand what he's talking about and and i see it happening in my family, my friends, in the greater world whenever it looks as though oh something terrible is happening in their life i always say no this is just

44:04 They're in the wheelchair getting into God's water. They're not necessarily going on a stretcher, they might be going on walking sticks even! I went into walking sticks in my book and was lucky that I didn't get to the stretcher but everything that seems to be going wrong in our life is truly a gift And my wife Annie, you know I mean she was a total non-believer. She was scientist, she's a neuroscientist PhD from Oxford real bump in the head you know didn't believe in anything that you couldn't touch feel smell taste whatever and then when her husband of 27 years passed away uh she was with him they knew it was going to happen you know he should be with himself at the end there for the last week and then when he took his last breath it was summer's day

44:53 She actually saw a ball of golden light leave his body and go out through the window, and it scared the shit out of her. You know she was a scientist she didn't believe anything like that but what it did... That was her wake-up call! Wow! And once you started to Google it, she found it was very common occurrence. Common, yeah? And that led her to reading a book by Eckhart Tolle which you've probably heard of called The Power Now, and in The Power Of Now She came across A Course in Miracles, which is how we met eventually many years later. By the way if you send me these books in an email afterwards I'll put them in the notes of the show. Yeah sure. What's fascinating Jonnie and we're writing about it now together... Is when she looks back on her life we can see all the dots You can see how that led to this and that oh there

45:52 And you know, it's like it's just uncanny the different things that wake us up. I didn't have any belief in the afterlife or anything else and I had a captain working for me when I started my own business, I owned ships And his wife was Norwegian and I thought she was crooked. Same as a lot of people thought I was crooked when I got into all this stuff, it's the same thing! She told me about a book called You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay which i'm sure you've heard of... ...and she gave me the book and I read a couple of months later. It became my Bible eventually, but what happened with this woman? An angel sent to me, if you like, to wake me up because

46:37 I was back in England and her husband's captain on one of their ships, and she used to phone me from Norway. And every time she phoned me, I used to say to myself, oh, tell her I'm not available now! She's crazy... She phoned me up one day and said, John could you please contact my husband and tell him to be very very careful? You know Norwegian accent, I'll try that too. On the starboard side of his vessel, be very careful. And i'm going yeah yeah yeah Thank you very much. Bye bye! Two weeks later, telephone rings and it's her husband from the ship and he says Captain John I'm sorry i have to report there has been an accident one of our sailors has fallen over the side of the ship and churned up in the propeller dead as a dawning And I went oh my god I said Captain Finn what side of the vessel? He said starboard side

47:29 And I thought, wow! That's exactly what she told me. So what's all that about? Anyway... so i realized she was a... What I like to call now cooperative components that come into our lives to help shake us a bit you know. So from that moment I started to read that book You Can Eat Your Life and then I started to read lots of books and then it was just accumulation of learning really Yeah. And I think that's, so you called it an awakening for me it was really about starting to discover personal development and what did I read? Susan Jeffers. What's it? Can't remember

48:12 I can't remember the name of the book. Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway, that's kind of entry level personal development but yeah i think everybody if anyone's listening to this and they're kind of just not even thought about any of that stuff you know if there's any books we've talked about here The Power Of Now, Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway I ended up doing the Landmark Forum. People with a strong faith actually can quite often have a greater degree of personal awareness and discovering that for yourself, you called it an awakening, is so important for people to go on that journey and there's

48:50 of what we'll teach and encourage people in Team Super Dad is to be aware, and is to believe that the universe out there for us. That there's more good in the process of life than bad. The more that we think about and focus on our goals, the more likely they are to come to us. Yeah! The more we subconsciously think on bad things, then more likely the bad things can happen. I always tell people... People who worry about getting sick Yeah, yeah. Absolutely! It's to become aware there is nothing to fear and the other thing I've learned on the journey is everybody's journey is personal to them

49:30 So I do my best. Sometimes, I mistake sometimes I fall off and forget. I forgive myself for it but to avoid trying to criticize other people's journeys just that's not my work. My focus on what I do law of attraction will bring people into my energy field who are open to hearing what i do those who aren't those who...I have you know some people they're not interested that's fine doesn't mean I can't get along with them What they follow is up to them. And that's where I think religion is changing, so-called traditional religion. Many of them are becoming more open to that concept of let everybody believe whatever works for them. But it is about encouraging people to connect with their inner self – that part of themselves which knows everything

50:21 You see it's like, and not to deny just to be aware of it where your feelings are giving you that intuition. That's your inner guide. Intuition if you break the word down means inner teacher so that's what to listen too but most of us were too busy up here... And and if someone's never really If someone's unsure if they've ever felt that, where could they look to do an audit? How could they check themselves? Well I think something early days. Look for a mindfulness group teaches mindfulness, and I mean this comes into our sexual practices. It's unbelievable how this will change you. I just feel like real bait someone who has never really... Yeah! Someone sitting there thinking, I've never heard my intuition speak what could they do at home this afternoon or evening to sort of see if they could first tap into that? Get quiet switch off everything switch off everything sit down close their eyes focus on their breathing just

51:26 Bring their attention to their breathing and see what comes up. And then maybe ask a question, say what is the best thing for blah blah blah for me to do about blah blah blah? Then just get quiet and see what comes in because whenever we ask will always get the answer but it may not come in that moment It may come, something may suddenly pop up on the TV and you think oh my god that's the answer. Yeah. That's what I was asking. Absolutely! I could not get on a dance floor Jonnie when i got sober

52:11 I realized, I'd never been on...I was 51 when I got sober and stopped drinking alcohol. Sorry we kind of missed it. We could talk for hours John this is crazy! Were you an alcoholic? Well i don't use that term now. I don't use those terms anymore. No sorry okay but other people they technically would but What do they call it, like a functioning one? Oh very. I was very functional running a fantastic business and family and everything all the things that you know big house the big cars the big holiday all of this so i was very functional. Are we talking here absolutely mulled or just a bottle of wine a day or... No it would be a daily intake A daily intake So within.. But a French person though would say

52:56 Of course I have three glasses of wine a day. Yeah, but you see problems with alcohol got nothing to do how much you drink it's about what happens when you drink right okay so there was a change in mood in me all right sometimes a positive change so as I said I developed this confidence which I didn't have you know people would say things to me they'd say oh my god I wish I had your confidence John This is while I was drinking, during my drinking time. And inside this voice would say oh my god! I wish they knew...I wish they only knew all if only they knew they wouldn't like you know because that's not how it felt. They think they're giving you a compliment and actually you're just loading up more guilt? Yeah yeah because that's not how i felt. It was already at the alcohol I still say you know that was a positive thing for me

53:39 I'd never have got my masters at such a young age, being captain of a shipwreck because i was terrified. I was riddled with fear! Dutch courage type. So anyway coming back now...I had never been on the dance floor and I got sober and I was at convention and one of the women said do you want to come in for a dance? absolutely in just distinct, in the moment said no no sorry I don't feel well. I used a woman's excuse. Was it a nice lady? Yes she was very nice and I would have loved to have danced! It was like knee jerk action. I was so ashamed and felt so guilty that went to my bed lay there and looked up on the ceiling. I still tell you it was at the Clacton.

54:24 And I asked the question, why can't i get on a dance floor without drinking me? So I asked. And I'm a firm believer today that whenever we ask, we always receive! On the next... didn't take long... The next day I was at college by this time I'd given up my business and I was studying to be an addiction counselor. I was in college and one of my friends came up said oh you want to read this book it's called Healing The Child Within by Charles Whitfield little thin book As soon as I started to read it, that's the answer to my question. I can't get on that downfall because i've got this little boy in me that is riddled with shame and guilt about his body and what he looks like and all the rest of it... And I said right! How can I get this healed? How can I get it healed? Again a week later I saw an advert on the right hand side of this magazine saying The Hoffman Process – The Best Inner Child Healing

55:18 ever in the world, a quote by John Bradshaw who was a great author in the field of addiction and codependency. And then I looked at the head office which was in Arundel. Now Arundel is the town where I used to run away from home and sit on the grounds of Arundel Castle when I was 11-12 years old because I wanted my own space so that you could get away from your mother who's drunk or something like that. So that was the first thing And the next thing was, I phoned up and oh no! The other thing was this John Bradshaw who made this quote on the advert. I was in the middle of reading his book at the time called Healing The Shame That Binds You

55:56 So I saw that, so that's it. And I just phoned up and said I didn't know anything about the course, I had never known anybody to take it, I didn't read anything about it... And then I just picked the phone up and said there is my credit card put me on next one! And I came off of that course in 7 days very very intensive One of the most amazing pieces of work I have ever done and you can't get me off of Dancefloor The minute music's on, I'm up there. Yeah yeah! On the Monday after I was going up to London and i was on East Croydon station platform and the Italian guy that has a cappuccino thing there he's got a ghetto blaster so he had it on full blast and I'm standing there dancing as all these guys in his bowler hats go into the city thought I was off the wall you know?

56:37 And when did you meet your current wife Annie? How did you meet her, did you think that you were going to be meeting someone or was it written off. I never gave up on love, I've always loved women and i think they're one of the biggest gifts we have in mankind for many different reasons though. I've never been a woman hater anything like that, so I knew that I wanted to meet somebody and I'd also got to the point of acknowledging that i've done all this healing and i've done an immense amount of physical, mental emotional healing yet. Yet I hadn't yet looked at my sexual healing because I had sexual wounding And I said right! I want to...I want to heal my sexual self you know? I was now 63 years of age and I'd come out of a quite long term dysfunctional relationship. I say dysfunctional lovely person but 5 000 miles away

57:32 There was another pattern, you know. What am I doing in a relationship for 25,000 miles? Hardly ever see it. It's only on the telephone. Wow! It's a pattern. Anyway so i made that decision...I ended the relationship in a very beautiful loving way with her and then two weeks later bang ask and you'll be good. And I was introduced to a woman who was an Osho she'd been an Osho follower of Osho you know and she taught me a different way All these anxieties I've had for all these years, boom gone. And we knew that we weren't going to be a long term thing because yeah, we just accepted it wasn't... That wasn't what the relationship was for. She again lived the wrong way away in Northern England

58:21 And then I met Annie because I was on a spiritualsingles.com website, dating website called spiritualsingles.com where you meet people who are awakened to the spiritual journey and you can then look for people... You know because it makes a big difference if you've got someone that's at least on similar path as you. So anyway Annie saw my profile and saw that I was causing miracles And she had been brought to the Course in Miracles through the death of her first husband. And then, by the way I didn't tell you that... Her fiancé who she was about to marry 10 years after the death of her first husband She came home one day and he was dead on the kitchen floor so she had that to condemn him So she had two big wake-up calls but anyway! She saw my Course in Miracle thing and we met. It turned out that we would have met anyway because we were both signed into a Course in Miracles speaker

59:16 who was coming to London and we both knew this speaker, we both had signed up to go that talk so would have met anyway. But here are meeting as a result of meeting each other on the website. Oops! I've lost you there. Hang on. No just turn the video off. That's all. Hang on. You're back, you're back. Yeah, so we met in London ...for a coffee and that was it. We knew instantly, we had electricity! We held hands...we just touched hands and there was electricity running through us And yeah, we've been together ever since. We've been together virtually 24-7 and we practice... See the lovely thing is when you're in a relationship with somebody that understands 100% responsibility You don't get any blame so in other words you'll never hear me say to Annie, you make feel this and when do that? No no no! She will never say the same to me. Yeah, and Jon's right, it's so powerful

1:00:14 in a parent relationship as well, talking to your kids. Absolutely! If you don't want anyone to skirt past that like taking lessons out of these fabulous conversations that we have both in talking to people in work, in a relationship and especially talking to your child. Can you just explain what you're saying there? You never blame the child for your emotions! No child ever makes you angry... So you're making me angry or pissing me off..you've upset me that yeah What is that doing? That deepens the child's sense of

1:00:50 Unworthiness, just like the parents already got that unworthiness otherwise they wouldn't be speaking their way. And what it's doing is saying that you're giving your power away! So it's not about... a lot of people make the mistake of believing this means I can't feel angry or I can't feel sad or I can't feel pissed off No no no no, doesn't mean that Otherwise that becomes a spiritual bypass so call it where you go Oh! I feel good because I'm pushing This is about feeling the feeling saying oh And knowing that the feeling has got nothing to do with what that person, that child or institution or government or prime minister or president of United States of America is saying. It's only to do with my perception and my judgments about what's happening. That's what causes my disturbance and that's where I take ownership in the moment say I have a choice. I can see this differently

1:01:49 Because when you make peace your 100% first goal, and peace is believe me not a small gift. It's a mighty gift so when you become unaffected for example people will often say to Annie, what do think about Brexit? What do you think about... Okay no problem! What it'll be? No problem! Not gonna affect my life and that's not arrogance meaning what about the other people know I can be more help to anybody in the world when I am peaceful, loving and joyful. That's when I can be a help to my kids." Yeah! Because the greatest gift you can give your children is your own happiness. Yeah and very similar what you're saying...I spoke to Tolly Buchan once he did like a group Q&A session And he said quite flippantly He said oh no I haven't been angry since 1982 or something It was like he had a very specific date

1:02:48 He gave up being angry. It's not a thing in his, there is no anger-angry state of angriness saying you know in his world and the freedom he went on to explain him but the freedom that gave him over his relationships, his own upset, his ability to love others, his ability to manage situations Seems kind of woo-woo, but also actually when you just break it down and go wow what if I was never angry with my kids? Like you say not being upset. Not making sure they're tired in their bedroom But where can I be in control of my feelings and own my words Yeah And that's why Jonnie It's essential to be a good parent You have to look at your own child Some people say oh I don't need to go back there Okay fine Just see how your life goes

1:03:42 Until people look back and see you either pass it on, you work it out or you'll pass it on. It's always one of the other and that's exactly what it's about so my kids suddenly starts painting puts paint all over the bedspread whatever it is Of course, not acceptable. Right? Has to be changed but that does not equal me having to disturb my peace of mind by getting angry and if people say, but everyone gets angry! No, no, no... That's the first thing you do with people start owning your statements I get angry, I get angry You don't have to that's why you could line up five different parents

1:04:23 and put the same scenario to them, and maybe three of them will get angry but two of them also know. So you can see it's not about... You don't correct a child It's about the energy in which you correct them. You can just as easily say, you know Jonnie I always say to parents always tell your children and everybody what you want not what you don't want There is line in A Course In Miracles that says never make another wrong Now some people say, well how can you not make something wrong? It's not saying that there won't be things that are unacceptable but you don't talk about what's unacceptable. You talk about what you want so in other words the situation like that you say Jonnie I really would love it if you took great care with that paint and made sure it stays in the pot and da-da-da-da-da-da-da... And when you start to just use these little tools

1:05:19 And that's why I took it into football and had stupendous success working with Africans in the township in South Africa. Just by talking about what you want, not what you don't want! You hear many coaches in football say, Don't do this! Don't do that! Now, don't dive-in in the penalty area straight away they dive in because a subconscious mind cannot process negatives Subconscious mind works on words and pictures. So if you say to somebody, don't dive in all they see... They hear the words diving and they see dive in! And you can test this yourself with children If your young children give them something to carry and say Don't spill that, don't spill it, don't spill it, they'll spill it. Because if I say to you right now Okay Jonnie close your eyes and picture a pink elephant

1:06:08 What comes into your mind? You see a pink elephant, right? Totally yeah. Now if I say to you close your eyes and picture don't what's the picture that comes in And they say don't picture a pink elephant. You still think of the pink elephant? Yeah, yeah exactly! Don't picture a pink elephant but you still see it because if you try and picture don't doesn't bring up a picture... Yeah, don't spill it. Instead of saying hold tight, hold tight, hold tight. Yeah and I've learned that now. I tried that so hard with my kids as well is to speak in that way

1:06:47 And some of the compliments I've had about my children recently, and bearing in mind they've been through the divorce and that's been tricky for them. But I've had people compliment my children on how gracious they are, how confident they are. How open they are and willing to speak to people adults young people stand up... I witnessed it didn't i? Oh yeah you totally did! Thank You for feeding us! Was it Josh? Jago, Jago. I knew it was a J. Beautiful angel. See they're angels. Sometimes parents need to remember that they've come to teach us And what have they come to teach us? They've come to teach us how we used to be

1:07:29 And how we can get back to being that way. Yeah, because life is about having fun and joy not about struggle. It's programs! I always say to people imagine you like a computer and you've had all these programs put in but the great thing is just like with your computer You can erase them and put new programs in it and it has got nothing to do with age. I'm living proof. I am having the most joyous life Wow, John. There's so much we could talk about and we're going to have people listening for hours here! I think when I meet certain people and we really click there is such a connection around the goals and intentions of Team Super Dad and to put together perhaps a worksheet or you know, we'll have a webinar together for some Team Super Dad members

1:08:27 We can maybe work out a way where you can really do some coaching with people for an hour so that actually, some of these awesome things we've spoken about today. We can put in place and practical ways that they can access these things talking about intuition, talking about getting over grief, talking about being present in the moment, forgiveness responsibility I think there's a really great opportunity here to put something together for the Team Super Dad community So my little question for the end of these things, I feel awful that we're going to have to come to a close but clearly there's definitely a great opportunity to get together again. But my final question is what have you learned about yourself that you wish you knew when you were younger? What have i learned about myself that I wish I'd known is that I am beautiful innocent holy which means whole perfect gift to life

1:09:25 And that I'm here to join with others and enjoy life to the full. That's my purpose, My purpose in life is to have fun and joy and then to extend that to others. And what other people think of me is none of my business! True, those are two very powerful things... What's more important is what I think about them That's what we decide on. Your relationship with them is going to be determined by how they feel, how they are towards you is gonna be determined by how you are towards them. Exactly! And I know for me just acknowledge you and your age, people talk about age like it's this thing that we can't talk about anymore but

1:10:09 to have someone in their seventies who's been to 104 countries, who has got five children. How many grandchildren? Six grandchildren. So when someone with that much wisdom says I wish i'd realized this about myself when i was younger and not going to be bothered by what other people think of me. I want people to really listen to that and think, okay, To what degree am I aware of that? To what degree am I incorporating that into my life because if we don't listen to people who walk this path before us then we don't really stand a chance And so I'm so grateful to have spent this time with you today

1:10:49 Learned so much about you, such wisdom to pass on to others but also to take on board myself. Many people question Annie and I they say it's a why do you look so young? And we say that they said can you tell us why? We have sex every day! I'm a great believer in everyday sex keeps you young and it's ageless when your taught how to do Awesome, well we definitely will have a longer talk on that. Where can people connect with you and work with you? Well there are two websites, one is wetalkaboutsex.com, so I'm John at wetalkaboutsex.com or Miracles Rock

1:11:39 And I'm on john at miraclesrock.com So take a look whichever one draws you and And I have to acknowledge you, Jonnie because it's always an inborn thing that one always admires somebody who has abilities which is like... complements what you do but the way you put this together is sensational. I love it and I think you've done a wonderful job and I appreciate having this time with you because you're a lovely guy! Thank you likewise. Clearly I can't wait to have more opportunities to involve you with Team Super Dad and share your wisdom further

1:12:16 Can I tell you who you remind me of? I always think we've got doubles. Everybody thinks I look like Michael Caine, see how I've been stopped in the street! Not really... You remind me of a wonderful footballer that we had at Brighton and he's just come back again now to act as a coach. You have a look at him, so he's called Steve Sidwell. Steve Sidwell? I know who Steve Sidwell is! Yeah used to be at Chelsea, Reading... you have a look at him put put a red wig on you Fantastic thank you Jonnie Brilliant John and i will get off you know there's different books we've mentioned and stuff or listen back to it and we'll put those in the show notes

1:12:53 So yeah, John once again thank you so much to everyone that's listened to the end of the show. Thank you so much! The magic is at the end of the show as I always say. For those who have stayed this long... You're of the 20% kind of thing but but the magic is here. Stay tuned for all of the podcasts right till the end and look forward to seeing you inside the Team Super Dad community over on Facebook or on the website teamsuperdad.com and in the Team Super Dad program Thanks again, take care. Thank you Jonnie, take care bye now. Brilliant brilliant brilliant I loved interviewing John. I mean I love interviewing everybody but particularly when you start talking to someone who's got such energy and so many stories to tell and how they weave into such a positive message Team Super Dad is all about that basically it's a positive message for dads

1:13:49 And Mums, I mean blimey! I've been wrestling with this whole idea of is this only for dads and increasingly i'm wondering if it's actually about mums and dads of the same mindset. These we are people who What more from life people who feel empowered by their choices, people who are fed up with being I don't know bored having things go wrong and we really want to have more out of our life. And i think that the idea that I'm The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Team Super Dad,

1:15:02 The We'd like a few more friends and a bit more fun over Christmas so I'm here to help. Uh, I can't do that on my own so we're here together as a community to help each other As always thanks so much for listening if you're still tuned in then you are the crew that matter the most Send me your ideas thoughts and suggestions If you haven't left that review yet please go and do it on iTunes or wherever you're listening into This is Jonnie Jensen Team Super Dad out Take care bye

1:15:45 This has been Team Super Dad. Find us at teamsuperdad.com Join the Rebuild Program and create the best life ever for you and your children! You are not alone, you're on Team Super Dad