How To Get Over Your Divorce Quickly And Happily

00:01 Men, getting over your divorce in less time with fewer mistakes and with more happiness is absolutely vital. And yet so many men get it wrong. This is a powerful episode. Roll theme. Welcome to the Johnny Jensen show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches, relationships and results they deserve. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community at highvalue manproject.com. Let's go. Hello, man. Welcome to the Johnny Jensen show. It is great to have you back here.

00:38 If you're watching on the live, brilliant. Let's get stuck in. If you're listening to the podcast, well, wherever you are, whatever you're up to, it's absolutely brilliant to have you here. Of course, we are the Johnny Jen. Well, I'm Johnny Jensen. I am the head coach and founder at the High Value Man Project. This podcast has been going now for, oh, about three or four years with a little break in the middle. Started off as team super dad. And that's kind of the context and where this episode kicks in from really. Since changing up to the High Value Man Project about a year and a bit ago, we are much more in a situation where it's about lifting up all men.

01:20 In fact, it was always about elevating all men, all dads. Too many men are going through life with the experience of being burnt out or working hard and pushing for the riches and relationships they thought they could create, but actually finding themselves burnt out and struggling. And that happens across the board from the most successful people to the guys who are still cracking on and trying to work out of the how the hell to make it all happen. It's nuts. I'm in a lot of Facebook groups, as you might imagine, and seeing the misery that is going on in so many men's lives. And like I said, it's not all about like weak, broken men.

02:05 These are men across the board. There's so much of this subject we can talk about. If you tuned in before, you'd have heard us. You know, we're talking about role models. We're talking about how we're lifting up boys and young men to become the model, happy, successful adults that we want them to be. It's about dads thriving in life, you know, striving to create everything they want, the relationship, then the marriage, then the home, then the children, you know, then, yes, we've made it. We should be buzzing. And unfortunately, they find themselves utterly struggling, you know, feeling unappreciated or worn out.

02:47 And actually, what happens is we fail to do the basics. We fail to create the life that we want. We fail to show up. Most importantly, we fail to show up as the man and dad that we want to be. And then because we're so busy helping everybody else out, so busy trying to create something that we think everybody else is going to be. You know, if we make everybody else happy, if we create this, then I'll be happy. Like it's all in order too. When I've done all this, then I'll be happy. The thing is, if the thing that you were trying to create doesn't work out, then fundamentally, how if you put it in that order, how can you end up happy? And that's one of the biggest issues we face. We have to shuffle the order around so that we create for ourselves that person that we want to be.

03:31 We create the experience of life that we desire to have and then everything else follows on from that. You know, what kind of a husband are you if you're completely born out, stressed out, unhappy? You know, it doesn't work that way. You've got to be that desirable person, that role model dad, that husband that she wants in order that you can create the life for yourself and everybody involved. And that's what we're up to here at the High Value Man Project. If you want to get involved, then we have the Brotherhood, which is our entry-level free community. Simply go to the highvalue manproject.com forward slash group. That will let you into that group.

04:11 It's fully active now. We've moved it off Facebook, which is much better. You can download the app. You can view it online. All the conversations and the communities happening there. The U2.0 program is my gift to you. And it is an introduction to everything we do at the High Value Man Project, which basically is my invitation for you to level up into the inner circle, which is our monthly membership, into our 10-week High Value Man accelerator. And of course, there's the Elite 1-on-1 if that's what you want to do. Get yourself over to the High Value ManProject.com group forward slash group and that's where you can start.

06:13 Our divorce, like, what am I possibly going to do now? I'm this shouldn't be that way. Yes, it is upsetting. Yes, it is a drama that you've got to get through, but absolutely not. Absolutely no should you let it take you down. And in this episode, and it might be a slightly longer one. And for those men that aren't going through divorce, well, okay, you may not have, you may have turned off already, right? But there will likely be your brother, your dad, your son, depending on your age, like your friend. There will be someone going through this. You may even find yourself being a support to that person.

06:50 And this episode in itself will help you be there, help you be more for the people in your life, for the other men in your life. It's really, really important. Too many men get taken down by divorce, and it shouldn't be this way. What I had to learn is the hard way. And now I'm here to share with you how to get through it quickly and happily, which is a bit of an oxymoron. Like, how can you get through a divorce happily? You can't really, but can you do it with a smile on your face? Can you do it with an energy and an excitement about where you're headed? You definitely can. Now, here's the funny thing. I use ChatGPT a lot in my work.

07:28 It supports me. I've optimized so much of what I do through having it. And I have a structure, an SOP, a standard operating procedure around my podcast. So, funnily enough, this morning, I did my, what would have been my show notes for this episode, but actually ended up standing there for about half an hour, basically. Did the episode except spoke it into Chat GPT? So it's fresh on my mind, right? Okay. But the reason it's actually so easy for me to do is because this is the principles, the loose structure of the high-value man rebuild program.

08:07 And the rebuild program is a coaching program specifically, obviously, for men going through divorce or breakup. Getting you through it. This episode, we say quickly and happily, but I also normally say in less time with fewer mistakes and more fun. And it really can be that way. The idea, right, that a divorce, that a breakup would tear us apart, would be the end of our life as we know it, would be the end of everything we'd work towards, is a little bit of a cliche. It's a little bit of an assumption or, you know, that we are led to believe would be the case.

08:50 Like, how could you move on quickly from this if it's been everything that you worked hard for? How are you possibly going to cope with the breakup of your family and the loss of the family home? And like, sure, it is all sad, but the degree to which you let it take you down is unnecessary. And, you know, I've got a process here, which I'll try and stick to as much as possible. But as if things come up, I'll just drop them in because it's really important. I want this to be as much a conversation as it is, you know, a lesson as it is a coaching session, right? Divorce will happen for many men. Like, you get this idea that, oh, it's come out of the blue.

09:33 I didn't know. I never knew it was going to happen. Like, how, how, how, where, how did she do that? You know, when I say she, is because a significantly higher percentages of divorces are instigated or are, you know, the process is set off by the woman. And, you know, when it seems like, oh, how could she move on so quick? Or how could she be, you know, how could she. have all this ready well the truth is that she has been planning for it for probably you know seven or eight months many men will experience when they look back retrospectively on what went on during the breakup it's like it's as if she checked out ages ago now

10:10 that could be you you could be the ass in this right it's not about fault or blame fundamentally the relationship has crumbled to the point where you've decided to break up if she's been planning this for a while as she may well be inclined to do because the man will be thinking well i've got to go to work i've got to make some money i've just got to get on with this i don't know how to fix it but i'll just get on with it whereas quite often the mum thinking about the children and what she needs to do to to survive after the breakup will have been put in those wheels in motions some of this is a bit too one-dimensional but unfortunately it is really commonly like this

10:54 so being upset about how quick she's moved on or how could she be you know how could she have all this set up being upset about that is utter bollocks and i see it all the time i see i see posts in groups where men are asking that they're upset about how long how quick she's moved on well don't be upset about that the reality is is that she's been planning it for a while like like it's not rocket science you know a lot of what goes on during this process if you think about it rationally right i call it the rational versus emotional mind if you think about it rationally then okay well how she moves on so quickly is she's been planning this a while why has she been planning

11:34 it a while because she needed to be prepared oh okay i get that right then the emotional part kicks in oh she doesn't love me oh she hates me oh she's doing this to me oh the kids oh i'm never going to be the same again oh it's it's it's what kind of a man am i what people are going to think of me like there's this emotional side that just messes totally with the rational side keeping the rational clear through this process is absolutely vital recognizing that there's an emotional side of it which is messing with you actually gives you some power and control over that you can actually say to yourself oh i'm really upset and flipping confused and and and actually quite angry about this right now okay well i'm just going to

12:14 be like that you can control it you can channel it you can allow it to be like that for a period but saying to yourself and then later on i'm going to crack on with the rational side of it the um the i had a whole point here i wanted to say the oh yes the grieving process there is actually a process called the grieving process uh and i'm pretty sure it's got six cycles in i should have i did remember this but i missed one of them when i was doing my notes um

12:53 and it's the kubla ross grief cycle right it's not actually a a perfect cycle right it goes up and down in and out you can jump from one to the other but understanding that it's a real thing helps you cope with it so uh i'll run through them right number one shock and denial number two pain and guilt number three anger and bargaining number four depression number five the upward turn number six reconstruction and working through number seven acceptance and hope and in another picture it's denial anger depression bargaining acceptance in fact that is much simpler denial anger

13:33 depression bargaining acceptance five stages now when you understand those five stages exist as part of the grieving process and you can jump from one to the other you'll recognize oh that's what's going on now you've lost your family your wife your home everything that you thought was you has been smashed up so it's natural that you're going to grieve what's not necessary is that you let it take you down and what we're going to go through now is how you ensure that you don't let it take you down um one of the things that happens during the divorce process during the breakup process is that a man will quite often focus so much on the one area which is the divorce that every other part of his life will crumble and fall even faster even further

14:27 now in the in the throes of a breakup which generally happens over a number of years right which is a drain on us mentally physically emotionally we've been in a relationship that's been deteriorating so that's very exhausting right then the actual breakup happens and suddenly you've you're working out where you're going to live or you're sharing a home and you're at loggerheads it's like it's like oh it's very very poor um but working out how to um recognize that this is just one area of your life is important because if you don't take care of the other areas and this leans into something I'm going to introduce which if you listen for a while you'll be familiar with which is called the fire code But also in part of that, which is your focus,

15:14 that's you, everything about you. It's your impact, which is about your money and your work. It's your relationships, obviously the people you're connected and love and supported by. And then E in fire, which is energy, the amount of fun, adventure and peace you're having. Like you've got to recognize that those are the other areas of your life. But as you go through a breakup, one of the most important areas to recognize, which you have to maintain, is your work. So I'll come on to it specifically inside of the fire code. But at this level, I want to introduce something called the minimum viable output. And when you're going through a breakup, when you're getting divorced, it will be a drain on

15:57 your ability to work, quite frankly, on your ability to focus, on your ability to perform. And you have to let the people around you know that. If you don't, then they're going to be looking at it going, I don't know what's wrong with him. I think his work is terrible. Or I don't know what's wrong. Or, you know, you're the boss and you're running the whole business. And now the whole business is struggling and people are looking to you for decisions and actions and you're failing to perform. Recognizing that this period of time, you're only really going to be able to produce the minimum amount of viable output. You need to work out what that is because you have to be responsible for that baseline. Drop below that baseline and you're fundamentally at risk from losing your business or losing your income.

16:40 I shut my business ultimately during my marketing agency. I shut it over my divorce because I was utterly broken, basically. I'd let the breakup go on for too long. Then my brother chucked himself in front of a train. Then the breakup happened and I couldn't do anything. So I shut the business and started from scratch. If you can recognize and avoid that, and ironically enough, the business was actually doing all right. Certainly a year before the breakup actually happened, the business was pretty much thriving.

17:18 It was just that I was so broken, I didn't recognize that. But in terms of this moment in time, in terms of the minimum viable output, going to the people you work with or for and letting them know, this is what's happening. I'm going to get through it. I'm putting structure in place. And right now, this is what I'm going to be able to deliver. And this is what you can count on me for. Absolutely game changer, really. And you would hope that within either of those scenarios, employed or business owner, that the people around you will have the wherewithal to support and encourage you through this time. Trying to ignore it and pretend it's not happening will just leave people more uncertain and more concerned about what you're up to.

18:01 Okay. Next piece of this is managing your ex. Now, I could talk about this for hours, right? But the most important thing about managing your ex is recognizing quite quickly that this is now business. Chasing after her, pining for her, begging for her to come back. It's all a waste of energy. Now, it doesn't mean to say that you can't leave a space for that. But inside of a breakup, you have to recognize that at some level, you are not performing. You are not, maybe you've not managed the relationship right. Maybe you've not shown up as the kind of guy you wanted to be.

18:40 Or maybe, and this is for people who are leaving a space open for the relationship to repair itself. You're not desirable enough for the relationship to work. So when you're saying, oh, come back, please, please. She doesn't want to come back. It's been shit for ages. You need to recognize it's been shit for ages as well. Would you want it back in the same way? Probably not. So there has to be a distinct break in this period now, whether it's the final breakup or a distinct break. So staying business-like and actually taking responsibility for the situation. It's not working and we're going to move forward.

19:27 Not losing your temper, not making demands, not pining after or chasing after her, not going around to all her mates' houses and crying her eyes out. And like you need to show up for yourself as much of. of a man, confident, reassured as you possibly can. Now, looking at the situation, it's a complete mess. So, how the hell do you do that? We'll talk about that in a second. But to be banging on her door or demanding things, particularly in the UK, and I do know it's similar around the rest of the world, you can quickly find yourself arrested.

20:04 You could get a non-molestation order, which is like a restraint order put on you, and all of a sudden, the weight or the pendulum inside the divorce has swung massively her way. The children contact has all swung her way. It's completely counterintuitive. As the breakup is happening, get business-like, get James Bond-like, get completely above it all. You know, we've called the high-value man project because we're creating structures and frameworks and operating systems to operate above all the drama, to get out of the scrabbling and fighting in the dirt and to operate at a higher level.

20:42 To be able to see this breakup for what it is and say, do you know what? Actually, yeah, we're going to break up right now, or we're going to at least go through this process to see how we can transform ourselves. That means we reconnect later down the line, so be it. But right now, I need to get myself back on track. And I think you probably do as well. Let's focus on the kids. Let's make this a positive situation and let's move on as happily and as effectively as we can. Letting her know that is vital. Her seeing you scrabbling around and crumbling and stuff is very much likely to make this worse. It's going to put you on the back foot. And if you get yourself bloody arrested, then that's going to be even worse.

21:24 When you talk about the kids, talk about our children. When you talk about like your expectations, be clear on what you want. So, for me, 50-50 arrangement for parent-for-single dads is the thing that we should all be aiming for. Adjust your work like that. Adjust where you live. Adjust to your attitude to certain hobbies and interests. Like being a single parent is nothing like being a normal parent, and that's okay. It's what you've got right now, and it's what you need to embrace. You know, there's a whole piece I missed earlier on about why we crumble when marriage and relationships break up. It's because this idea that, oh, we should have lived happily ever after. No, you don't need to live happily ever after.

22:06 Our life and our marriage is a series of chapters. And if we are good at it, we can successfully and effectively move from one chapter to the next. Dating to engaged, engaged to married, marry to buy a home, have kids. Kids are toddlers, kids are babies, kids are toddlers, kids are going to school, kids are teenagers. They're all chapters. How you manage those chapters, how you keep everything fresh, how you keep operating and showing up as the best version of yourself is how you make each chapter work. And if you're right now in a chapter where you've broken up, that's okay. It's tough. The rational side, the emotional side we've just talked about, but it is nonetheless just another chapter. It's your job to grab yourself by the bollocks and say, right, I'm going to make this chapter work.

22:50 I'm going to find out what it takes to be a single dad. I'm going to look at what it takes to adjust my work and my attitude and things I do and where I live. I'm going to show up for my kids because that's who I am as dad. And that's how you manage this chapter. And letting her know that is absolutely essential because it sets her mind straight about what's going to happen. She can carry on the solicitor's letters, the demands that screw you, that you're not going to see the kids. That's absolutely fine. You don't need to worry about what she's going to say. You're going to take control of the situation, at least for your side of things. Is it going to be family court? Are you going to manage moving out the house? All these things can be handled. That's the rational side. You crumbling under the emotional, oh, I've lost my wife. Oh, my house.

23:35 I'm never going to see the kids. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Down, down, down, down. No, you get clear about the life you're creating and you move towards it. Managing your ex, being above all the nonsense, recognizing that much of what she'll be doing that we read from a blog or a net mum script and realizing that you yourself can learn and take that amount of control and power into this situation. Because when you have control, not of her and everything else, like that sort of nonsense, but control of yourself, that's how you get to say, no, we're doing this. I respect what you think, but that's not what we're going to do. If you want to go to war about it, okay, fair enough.

24:19 I've got no concerns about going to family court. Even the money, I'm going to self-represent, which is another subject in itself. But I'm going to take care of this. We're going to move forward. So the fire code and how I put myself back together after my divorce has been absolutely pivotal in the business of the high value man project. project in the single dad rebuild program that we provide. If I'd learned this during the marriage, maybe the marriage would have gone better. I don't know, right? Maybe I'd have shown up differently. What I do know is it took me too long to get over the breakup.

24:59 When I finally found myself standing back strong on my own two feet, creating Team Super Dad, which has become High Value Man Project, and looking at what it took, I realize now that this is the blueprint for getting over your divorce quickly and happily. So, first up, the F in the fire code is focus. That's yourself. That's your mental, emotional, physical state. What are you doing to look after yourself? Exercise, getting out in fresh air, getting enough sleep, eating right, cutting out the crap, drugs and booze, and shit, takeaway food, getting,

25:41 I don't mean lean like you've got to become flipping Ronaldo-esque, right? But getting fit, sweating out the toxic nonsense, having a clear picture about where you're headed and who you are, reconnecting actually with the kind of man that you are. I'm just doing a 3XC workshop with a guy next week and just sent out his documents yesterday. You know, the work you do in the prep for that is quite simply what's working in your life, what's not working, what do you want to create, what are your values, your strengths, your weaknesses, like actually what are your passions?

26:18 Just truly remind yourself of who you are and what an awesome bloke you are and what a life that you want to create looks like. That's focus. Then, in terms of impact, your money and your work, you know, there's a community side of that as well. But certainly, you know, as you're going through a divorce, you're likely going to be more focused on yourself. Managing your money, knowing how much you've got coming in and what you're going out, get cutting off all the waste, particularly at this time, is absolutely vital. It'll also give you more of a grounded assurance about where you're at and what you're up to. How much is a new home going to cost? What is the amount you might end up having to pay in maintenance?

27:03 Like, really get confident and clear about your money and then translate that back into your business and into your work. Like, what are your goals? What's your responsibilities? How can you perform at the next level up? What's it going to take when you have the kids versus when you don't have the kids? Like, getting crystal clear about that. And we talked about MBO before, right? But that's how you manage and be effective in your work. If you run your own business, which many of the men in the High Value Man Project do, you've got to consider that people start businesses to create more time and more money or financial freedom and time freedom.

27:40 Is that what you're creating? Allow in the morass of this breakup to tune back into actually, my business is flipping cool. I love doing this. Allow it to be an outlet for some of your creative energy and rebuild. Okay. So that's the focus and your money. That's like who you are and how you're showing up in the world. Then next up is your relationships. Losing the person that you love, okay, might feel like the end of the world. But the reality is the relationship was probably pretty crap before the breakup. Okay. There were lots of good bits in the relationship and now you can move on.

28:23 Pining after her, being upset, it's not the place. There is no such thing as the one. This is a whole episode in itself, but there is no such thing as the one. I had to read this to be to really get it drilled into my head. In a planet of some kind of 7 billion people, regardless of people's sexual persuasion, it's about 50-50, right? There's a lot of choice out there. Making compromises and being with someone who doesn't help us live the life that we desire, who doesn't help us feel like the man that we want to be. What's the point? And if you're clear in your relationships about who you are, about what you've got to offer, about how you're showing up, about how you're constantly evolving, about how you're exercising and looking great, about how you're sharing the load and having a and being a brilliant partner and having a great time in life, having your own friends, being

29:17 desirable. Like, there's no such thing as the one. Be committed in the relationship you'll be in, but don't, when it's over, like crumble and pine for her. Be clear that there's another one out there. And in my opinion, after your breakup, that's. it's not the time to go and find her. You know, second marriages generally end in, they have a higher rate of failure than first marriages. So why the bloody hell would you go and commit to someone else before you've even got over the last person? It's a recipe for disaster. So work on your relationships, your family and friends.

29:57 Like what's the connection like with those people? Make a list of all the people that you have ever had a good time with in your life. Now start to see who haven't I spoken to for a while? What people would be nice to reconnect with? Who are the people I can count on most? And inside of this, as you're getting divorced, create a fab for. Call them up, let them know I'm going through the breakup. I need some support. I'm not going to leave it all on one person, but I am putting together this fab for four different people who can all support me in similar but slightly different ways. So if I ring you and ask you at some point, you're able to say, I can't do that right now without feeling a guilty or a sense of responsibility because you know I've got someone else to turn to.

30:38 The fab four is a powerful vehicle inside of your divorce and getting over it quickly. And then seeing those friends, making requests, going on to visit people, filling your weekends with things to do is essential. If you've got no money, that's okay. Or if you're managing your money, because we just told you to inside of impact, then that's okay. Make it cost-effective. You don't need to go out and get smashed out of your brains. It's probably going to not help. You know, waking up with a hangover, waking up with a come down, waking up with 100 receipts in your pocket instead of 100 quid.

31:19 You know, that's not going to help lift you up. That's not going to get you through this right now in less time and fewer mistakes and more happily. The people that you network and connect with. Like, get out there, get interested. The way that you've become able to talk and communicate and be effective and happy and confident is by getting out amongst people. I joined a rock choir for about a year after my breakup or during the breakup. It was an incredible release. A good way to connect with people. The singing was quite cathartic.

31:58 I was doing something new. We went and did a bunch of concerts in random places. It was something new for my brain to think about and focus on, learning words. Like it was a complete distraction. It's what you need. That sort of tips back into focus as well and working on yourself. You know, what you watch, what you listen to, what you're feeding your mind with. Watch more comedy, laugh, find reasons to laugh. Go to a stand-up comedy show. Like you've got to look at what are the positive inputs into your brain. If you think about that grieving process that we mentioned near the start, there's a lot of negative energy swirling around. If it was like a balance, you know, the only way to address that is to put more fun into your life, to find more reasons to laugh, to spend quality time with people that love and care for you.

32:47 This is how you get yourself back on your feet quickly. So yeah, those people that you put around you. You have to be around people. Loneliness, unfortunately, as harsh as this is to hear, is a choice. So don't choose it. Get out amongst people. Funny story during the rock choir. This is how you know things are perfect, right? So one of the songs, we get there and he says a new song. So we start singing it. And it's that Fleetwood Mac song.

33:30 Oh, the bloody name of it. It goes, for you. For you. Anyway, we sung it. It was sung at our wedding by a friend of my ex-wife's amazing voice, Phoebe, beautiful singer. So she sung it. And then we get to the rock choir. He's like, right, new song. So I'm standing at the back. I'm like tears rolling down my face. Everyone's like, are you okay? You okay? It's like, yeah, yeah, this is perfect. This is perfect. I need this. I need this. Thank you for choosing this song. I'm getting over the breakup. And then finally, the E in the fire code is for energy, the amount of fun, adventure, and peace you're having in your life.

34:13 You can choose to be happy during a shit time. That's absolutely possible. You don't have to feel guilty about being happy. Being happy is the tonic. It's the antidote to what's going on. But it doesn't just like drop out of thin air. right an amazing thing you can do um you can do laughter yoga it's actually just laughter yoga is getting on the phone with a bunch of people and laughing no one's telling a joke or anything it's just choosing it's just choosing to laugh um it's about putting energy into your life The things that you do, the places you go, what you're up to, the routines, the habits, you know, going for a walk, finding yourself

34:58 in fresh air, feeling the sun on your face. Even in the winter, you can, you know, feeling the bright, you know, the lightness on your face, getting outdoors. Tuning in to a bucket list. You should always have in your life a bucket list of things that you want to do, places that you want to go, things that you want to see, concerts that you want to be at. They don't have to all be fly to Mars, right? They can be small things like, I know one of the guys learn the Rubik's Cube. That was on his bucket list, right? As well as climb Machu Picchu or go to Everest Base Camp, like this big and small bucket list.

35:43 Have things to look forward to. So book tickets, plan to visit friends. Have people over for dinner. Bit tricky if you haven't got your house situation sorted out yet, but literally invite yourself over to places. Imagine this. If someone rang you and said, this is what's happening, this is what I'm up to. Any chance we can go out for a beer? What would you say? You'd say yes. So be that person. Be a demand on people, but in a good way. And when I say a good way, don't be the guy that's going through a breakup. And every time he sits down and talks to someone, that's all he talks about. If you're familiar with the old classic movie Airplane, it's very funny.

36:25 Every time he sits down and talks about his ex, they crank up like how the other person responds to the degree that at one point, I think she's, is she like a skeleton or she's pouring petrol on herself, like, get me out of here. So yeah, plans to look forward to and memories to look back on. This is how you manage your breakup. This is how you get through it in less time with fewer mistakes and more fun. It is a complete nightmare. It is a roller coaster. But you crumbling into the most pathetic version of yourself that you've been during your whole life is the complete opposite of what needs to happen.

37:11 You can't click your fingers and suddenly be this superman. But you can, if you follow what we've talked about in today's episode of the Johnny Jensen show, if you follow these steps, you can take control of the situation and show up at the very least in the mirror, first of all, for yourself as a better version of your man than perhaps you feel. It is day one, ground zero. You're in this situation where everything you'd worked hard for seems to have been destroyed. But if you look at it like destroyed, it's the end of the world, Armageddon, and I'm sat here on a rock in nowhere'sville crying into my hands.

37:53 That is the end. Whereas if you're stood there looking at all around you thinking, wow, this is a fresh start. This is a place I can build from. What would I like to create? What would this new chapter look like? What does being the most incredible dad to my kids and us having a shed load of fun look like? Because done right, two happy homes, two happy parents, thriving in life. Kids get two holidays, two Christmases, two sets of birthday presents. It's not what they wanted. It's not what you wanted. But the idea that it can't be turned into something great is nonsense.

38:30 It's utter bollocks. And you, as the man in this situation, as the man in your life, for yourself, for your kids in this breakup, you get to lead. You get to decide how it goes. And it's by following this process. Managing the emotional and rational thoughts. Handling your ex, leveling up around work so that that doesn't crumble. And then working on yourself through the fire code, focusing on yourself, mental, emotional, physical health, your impact, managing your money, nailing the vision for your business and your work, your career, your relationships, putting yourself around good people, having support, having fun, feeling loved, meeting new people, and then getting

39:19 out and do stuff. Plans to look forward to, memories to look back on. Can you start to check off your bucket list? list? Who can you go and see? What could you do? What does this new life for you look like? Because as I said at the beginning and how I'm going to wrap this up with now, it is a brand new chapter, a brand new chapter for you to create and enjoy, for you to thrive in. That's ultimately all there is to it. Any situation that a man has successfully been through and mastered before is a situation that you can now successfully get through and master. The idea that everyone else can do something that you can't do is complete nonsense, right?

40:02 You might not be able to do it at their level, but you can get through it. And you may just find that you get through it better than other people and that you can create a structure and a system and that you can be there to support other men in the world, like I'm doing here at the High Value Man Project. I would love to help you out and support you. If you want to get involved with the rebuild, then just come on over to highvalue manproject.com and message me rebuild. If you go to the group, to the brotherhood at highvalumanproject.com forward slash group, of course, you can engage in a chat with me there.

40:41 And on most of the socials, if you comment reset or you'll see any of the content about the rebuild, then you can, like I said, comment reset and get the Kickstart Your Single Dad life guide. That's it. 40 minutes, slightly longer than normal. Back in the day, all episodes used to be about an hour. I can talk and I love talking. I hope you've enjoyed the podcast. Leave us a review, share this with other men in your life, and let's take the high value message as far and as wide as we can go so we can create the life that we desire, be the man and dad that we want to be. I'm Johnny Jensen. I'll see you next week. Thanks for tuning in to the Johnny Jensen show.

41:24 Be sure to subscribe, leave a review and share it with fellow dads. Creating the life you deserve starts with you. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvalumanproject.com. Let's go.