How Not To Have A Bad Dad Christmas

00:00 Are you looking forward to Christmas or are you one of those men who secretly thinks I can't wait for it to be over in this episode of the Johnny Jensen show, How Not to Have a Shit Christmas. Roll theme. Welcome to the Johnny Jensen Show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches, relationships and results they deserve. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community at highvalue manproject.com. Let's go. Hello men, great to have you here.

00:37 Welcome to the Johnny Jensen show. I am the creator and head coach at the High Value Man Project and it is my absolute pleasure to have you here today. It is just a week away from Christmas. In fact, this time next week, it'll be over. If you're in the UK or any kind of country that does Boxing Day, I guess that's Australia, maybe Canada, I don't know. Unless so America, but anyway, and definitely not some of the European countries. But it will be Boxing Day this time next week, which means the main day, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day will be over. Will you have had an absolutely brilliant time or will it have been crap?

01:17 Full of arguments, left you with a hangover, an empty bank account and X number of rows between you and your family. And by the way, if you're not a Christian or from a country that's celebrating Christmas right now, this episode applies. It applies to any occasion, anything that you end up looking forward to. I've seen people, families have the kind of meltdowns that some people have at Christmas over holidays, over birthdays, really any kind of special occasion. And of course, if you're from a different culture or religion, then you will have your own festive periods across the year. What is it? Eid and

02:03 what do the Pakistani and Indian people call it? It's got a name. It was about three weeks ago. Lots of fireworks and everything. So it's the same thing applies, right? It's a big family occasion. It's expensive and it's filled with tension and it really doesn't need to be. And that's what today's episode is going to fundamentally be about. If you've not been here before, then welcome. As I said, my name is Johnny Jensen. We're on about season five of the podcast. We were previously Team Superdad and we're here to help men create the life that they deserve, that they truly want, rather than the life they feel stuck in.

02:42 That means leveling up for yourself, taking control for your health, managing your money, your health, wealth and happiness so that you can create the life that you deserve instead of one you feel stuck in. And the reality for too many men is that we're living an existence that is below the level that we would honor our potential. It's below the level that the society that we live in has enabled us, that we could go out there and grab. Opportunity is all around us. Never in society, in the history of mankind, has opportunity been so available to all of us.

03:20 And whilst that might seem strange, because there are wars, there are disease, there are illness, there's famine, there's hardship, there's addiction, there's lots of things going on. But when you take control as a man, when you level up for yourself in your own life, first and foremost, then the true riches, relationships, and results that you deserve are available to you. You know, for our friends in America, the American dream, the pioneers, like when you set out on a clear mission, when you have the courage to take responsibility to see what you need to do for yourself, to push through, to be the man that you're meant to be, then you can create the level of commitment that generates the kind of

04:02 results that other people dream of. And there are so many examples of men that have achieved against all odds. And it should encourage you when you think about those people, whether it's history, whether it's movies, it doesn't really matter. The stories are the same. What one man can do, any man can do. So you got to get off your ass, take control and really start to create the life that you deserve. If any of that sounds like, if it resonates, if you're feeling stuck in a situation, if you've got all the things you want, but you want to have it all have more, the relationship and the business, the healthy body and the connection with your kids, the money in the bank and the active social life.

04:45 This is the life that we should all deserve. Then I invite you to come and get involved inside the High Value Man Project. You can go to highvalumanproject.com forward slash group and get inside our complimentary community for motivated modern dads. you're ready to level up and get inside the high value man project, then simply go to highvalumanproject.com forward slash apply. And it'll be my absolute pleasure to get you involved, to have a conversation with you and to see how it can help you create the life that you deserve. Without further ado, let's get on with today's episode: How Not to Have a Shit Christmas.

05:24 It blows my mind that certain families will enter into this festive period with the expectation that there's going to be rows, that there's going to be upset, that it's going to bring about a lot of stress. And from my own personal experiences, it doesn't have to be that way. Now, I have had crap Christmases. I have had challenging Christmases and I'll share some of those with you today. But more than anything, they've been fun. They've been filled with love and laughter. And it's not always about the perfect circumstances. You can be in a shit situation and still have a great Christmas.

06:05 We'll come on to one of my ones of those for sure in a moment. But you've got to sort that out, right? On my keyboard, the enter button, which is right next to my mouse, starts the intro. How you must be able to change those hot keys to change that. But let's see, look, why do men struggle sometimes around this area in Christmas time? It could be the pressure to perform. You know, men often feel like they've got to be the provider of joy, like everything, the gifts, the happy family, the smooth logistics, literally everything that Christmas requires is on your shoulders.

06:48 And then there's the complete opposite of that. The man, the dad who sits back and expects his missus to take care of it all. The buy all the presents, the get all the food, the cook all the food. Although, interestingly, across my circle of friends, it's generally the, it seems common that the man is the one that's cooking the Christmas dinner. But it's, it's like, which end of that spectrum are you on, or are you sharing the load? That's an obvious area of tension. Family tensions, seeing people that you perhaps don't see very often, don't get along with, don't even like, or they're annoying. You know, what's it going to take for you to be okay with however they're being?

07:30 And disconnection. I've made a list for myself here, which I'm just referring to. Like sometimes if the relationships that you cherish the most are a little bit broken, then you could be sat there observing all this love and laughter and present opening and your missus and the kids enjoying it all and you're feeling a little bit disconnected, wondering, how did it get to this? And then of course there's the financial side of it, feeling a lot of concern about where the money's going to come from, trying to buy everyone's happiness, feeling like that you can only have a good time if you spend a load of money.

08:11 And I'll tell you another big one is this time of year can often bring with it a sense of what haven't I achieved? What should have happened this year that hasn't happened? How much further ahead should we be than we actually are? Now, I run through all those, not like, oh, here's a checklist of all the things, but you may, some of those may resonate with you. And you'll be like, yeah, that's where I'm at. That's the concern I've got. Or I was, I didn't think anyone else had that. How did that? How did he know? I know because we're all going through it. Like Christmas can and should be a wonderful time. But when things aren't always working out, it can bring with it a lot of those pressures.

08:56 Now, you may have other ones. Who knows? It could be someone's ill health. It could be a loss. It could be all sorts of things that are going on that have really come to challenge you at this time. My message to you is, as a high-value man, it is totally within your power, within your realm of sphere of influence to be able to create a Christmas that everybody feels was full of joy, full of laughter, where the load was shared. Has that been the role that you've taken in the past? You might need to look at what you need to be responsible for in regards to previous Christmases that have you feeling this level of apprehension or concern running into it.

09:43 You may also know that your other half or perhaps your kids, particularly if they're older and you can have this conversation with them, they may be feeling some of these concerns based on Christmas's past. There was a particular Christmas, it doesn't really matter who, but at the end of the Christmas day, a conversation was had and there was actually tears, tears of joy, saying, I've never had a Christmas that was like this. I've never had a Christmas that was so full of fun and laughter. I've never had a Christmas where there wasn't rows and tears and shouting. And that absolutely was a shock to me. It was like, wow, you know, you kind of see it on the soap operas.

10:27 And my God, if you're one of those families that watches soap operas full stop, let alone looks forward to the Christmas Day episode where everybody dies or gets flipping cancer or like fucking how miserable could they make those things. Some domestic abuse situation when we're all supposed to be having a good time. You know, that's just my own personal soapbox about soap operas. But it is real. There we go. It was an example to me of, yeah, some families, the experience of Christmas is miserable and shit. And I don't want that for you. If it's been like that in the past, this is where it ends today.

11:09 I don't have a finite blueprint of how you can manage and master this, but there are some obvious areas as we run into what is the last week before Christmas that you could set yourself up for a great next week, next 10 days, and of course, New Year's Eve on the end of it. Really round off this year in a positive way. Have a great Christmas and set yourself up for 2025. If we run it through the 3XC formula for living, which is the framework inside the high value man project, the structure around which we

11:48 set ourselves up, whether it's life in general or whether it's an individual specific project, you start with clarity. Like, really, what is the kind of Christmas that you want? What is something that you've wished it always would be like? What is the vision for you and your family? How would you like it to go? And give yourself the freedom to actually play with this, to actually have some joy and intention about, well, if it could look like anything, then it would look like this. Too many people haven't actually thought that. They just know what they don't like. And if you, you know, if we focus, if we get what we focus on most of the time, then guess what?

12:33 Your tension and apprehension is going to lead to awkwardness, which is probably going to lead to a prickly moment. Who knows what you might have forgotten or what you haven't helped out with? And guess what? Then comes the row. So you might involve your kids. You might, well, particularly, you might involve your partner. If there's common areas of frustration that you can pinpoint, then you might be able to have a conversation with her about how this ideal Christmas looks like. She might find it, might knock her off her feet when you say to her, just thought I'd ask you, how would you like Christmas to be?

13:15 You know, what frustrates you about the Christmases we've had? What do you want to do? What don't you want to do? Just because it's always been a particular way doesn't mean that you have to stick to it. I remember one Christmas was one of the first years when I was a kid, actually after my mum had died, we went away for Christmas. And I thought, I was like horrified. I remember. I think I was about 11. I was like, we're going away at Christmas. Like, what the hell? And it was actually brilliant. No surprise. You know, who doesn't like being on holiday, let alone a holiday at Christmas where there's Christmas trees and food and presents and, but it's all happening in the sun.

13:51 You know, if you come from somewhere that's not very sunny at Christmas, or it's happening on the ski slopes. But it was a concern to me, even as a kid, that if it wasn't the way it always was, then how could it be good? So be prepared when you're having that conversation for a little bit of give and take. You know, and the classic one when we're coming around to this, you know, in terms of in-laws and families and people that you feel like you have to see, well, do first of all, do you have to see them? Probably. But how are you going to be about it? If how you are is he's an asshole and he always does this or he always does that. Well, guess what? He's not going to change. So the only thing you have control of is how you are about it. What could you do that would have it be different? I don't know.

14:38 It might be a conversation in advance. It might be asking them to bring something that they never do. It might be not giving them so much drink. I don't know what it might be. But when you are as a high-value man. putting yourself in a position of what can i be responsible for where can i bring transformation where can i adjust things so that the result i want is more likely to happen you're not a flipping leaf in the wind being blown around by other people's behavior and attitudes it's time to level up you can create anything that you want now in terms of money it's not possible really to suddenly magic money out of the air you know this isn't always about people that haven't got money you know people that do have money can find themselves overspending massively at christmas because they think oh they should it's

15:28 bollocks particularly if it stresses you out one of the i don't remember it as a great christmas but i don't remember it either as a bad christmas turns out through conversation with my dad decades later it was a christmas where he was pretty much on his ass if you've heard my concord to council house story you'll you know you'll understand a little bit of how that came to be and what that was like but it was a christmas where we didn't have much my dad was able to get together some sort of 500 quid and he took us to um

16:04 what would it have been like 1990 something like that right so there wasn't you know shopping malls in the uk hadn't been around like the big ones hadn't been around for that long the nearest one to us was lakeside and he took us up there and we pretty much blew this 500 quid he we went walked around all the shops he bought us loads of clothes we you know we had we at we you know went for pizza and the movies and and christmas day the next day was was kind of was you know was there was a turkey of course and we played games and we and we tittered about and various people came over turns out like i said i found out 20 years later that he was absolutely on his ass

16:42 and yes he did find some money to blow but the thing that i remember most about it was me and my dad and my brother being out and having a laugh the people that came around on that christmas day and all bought something even though we were in this random random house you had to keep the the oven door shut with a broom um propped like wedged against the kitchen wall and the broomstick held the door of the oven closed um was was just fun so you don't have to presume that it's got to be epic and if you've got money then brilliant manage your finances keep a track of what you spent decide on who's going to bring what round on christmas day it doesn't have

17:28 to all come from you people take the piss if you let them so don't let them um and i guess that falls into this next area right about simplifying and organizing the day you know don't let things become um a problem you know just just us looking at us this christmas we there was conversations about what were the food going to be and we were going to get it from this way are we going to get it from that way and it was just kind of going round and round and actually the ultimate easy solution was what if you you do the starters we'll do the main course you do the pudding we're doing secret santa for for for

18:06 gifts and of course i'm buying my kids and my girlfriend and i can't help it i love buying presents even if they're little presents um so i've got a few things for a few people but the point is get it planned in ahead so people's expectations are managed so that there's games to be played so that there's enough booze and drink to go around and if people are asked to bring certain things then you'll end up with the exact amount you need and everyone's contributed get your logistics sorted i've actually got i won't be using it this year because i don't need it but i've actually got a list that i made once for when i host of all the things that go into uh the christmas dinner and the christmas

18:46 day and the amount of time saved in my google drive the amount of times that i've referenced that and used it in the past and it makes me laugh and i remember back to the christmas that i actually wrote it um and i guess around this kind of organizing things and being prepared is don't feel like you've got to say yes to everything don't over commit it's a period of time where you should be able to relax and enjoy yourself um if you're sharing the load and you've got some time off over christmas then don't be flipping in the car doing a hundred miles every single day just to go and see people that you don't even like that much

19:23 what are the people you know be gracious have enough in you to be able to spend time with family and people that you know that it's right to spend time with but equally make time and plan in seeing your friends having fun making sure you've got something good to look forward to on new year's eve this is how you manage your days days. And I'm coming into the second C of the 3XC formula is around courage. And in particular around courage, it's about how you show up, about who you're being on the day.

20:00 Consider that you're the focal point of the family, whether you're a traditional family still, whether you're a single dad. I guess we will do a little bit in here about single dads. But you set the tone. You set the energy. So have the grace within you to keep grounded, to keep calm. If you can see that someone's struggling, that you've left someone, your misses, whatever, left them with too much to do, or you feel like you're doing too much and not getting help, then

20:37 ask for it. But don't do it with this, you know, start to get frustrated and resentful or start to get pissed and everything be chaotic. If that's what's coming out of you, it's going to start being reflected back on other people. If there's family tensions, then help resolve it. Don't ignore it and hope that it goes away. You know, come at it with empathy. Let people know, like, do you know what? I find every Christmas a bit bloody awkward because of this and this. And it doesn't really matter, but it's just, what about if we made it different? What could we do that would have it be a better way for everybody? And then ultimately, on the day, bring the joy.

21:22 Bring a fresh perspective that has this Christmas. You know, include all the traditional things that you love, but have it be free of any of the doubt, frustration, or expectation of previous years. You literally are wiping the slate clean, a fresh start. And I hope what I've shared about the clarity and taking responsibility and the courage inside of this, that you're creating the space for this to be a fresh start. And I want to say as well, another important part of this time is making quality time for the people that you love, in particular you and your other half. Like it's very easy to take each other for granted

22:06 and actually a little bit of love and appreciation, some kind words in a Christmas card, a gift that's given with eye contact and a real intentional moment of, I chose this for you because you're awesome, because I appreciate you. Don't just lob them a present and think that they're going to get all that because you wrapped it up nice. Actually take the time. Maybe it's in the card or maybe it's in a quiet moment together. When you step out of the norm and recommit and reconnect on a level that each other understands, I get you. I feel your appreciation. I feel your love.

22:49 And that also is about creating a space for a wonderful Christmas Day, a wonderful Christmas period. And if it's in, if you're in a stage of life when it's kids and mayhem, what can you do to get a couple of hours to yourself? Could you swap with another family? Could grandparents have them? I don't know what it looks like, but see, work on making it happen. And I think as well, equally, is finding a bit of time for yourself. This end of year, this period, particularly the weird bit, like the biffins, the bit between your balls and your ass. It's literally the bit between Christmas Day and New Year's Day.

23:30 It's just like that. You know, what could you do? And I'll do another episode about this next week. What could you do to really make that time powerful for yourself? To have some quality time to recharge, to get out in the fresh air, to go to the gym, to audit your lifestyle, your health, your wealth, your happiness, your relationship. Start to actually put some thoughts and ideas down on this year, these were my wins this year. This is what didn't go quite so well. This is what I learned about myself. Because when you take the moment to do that check, then you are again, like maybe a bit of a theme here is wiping the slate clean.

24:10 You're able to clear out the tension and stress and of expectation and concern about how it should have gone and leave yourself a clear open space to make plans for 2025, to have an enjoyable new year and kickstart the new year strong. So there's many other things I'm sure that you can factor into your own Christmas day. Sadness. around loss is probably another element of Christmas that we need to cover off here. There will be people this year who you've lost. You will be reminded on Christmas Day in particular about them not being there.

24:55 If there's an empty seat at the table, that loss could consume the day. But the most important thing about that before we come on to single dads is if someone's died, whilst it's sad, they would not want you to have a shit day. The ultimate respect to them is that you have a great time, is that you imagine their spirit, their, you know, their vibe, their energy is still there with you. And if they were there, would they want you to all be sat around sad and upset? And literally, I've been at some Christmases where there's tears more than laughs during the day.

25:36 That person would not want that. The celebration that is Christmas, without this, not really, you know, apologies to all Christians, you know, the birth of Jesus Christ and everything like that. But coming together as a family of celebrating the love and unity and connection, of seeing friends, of having a drink together, of sharing gifts, it doesn't make sense that you'd then be sad and upset about someone who you loved and isn't there. If anything, honor them, celebrate them, you know, a bit like a wake if you need, like, well, who remembers a moment at Christmas when mum was here, you know, and even toast them.

26:20 It's a lovely thing to do toast, to toast loved ones who are not able to be present today. And then finally, single dads. Maybe this should be an episode in its own. And maybe it's a bit odd to leave it here till last. But if you're still tuned in and you're a single dad facing Christmas without your kids, then I want you to know, a bit like the point made before, that being upset and miserable about it is absolutely pointless. Very, very difficult if you're not going to see your kids and you're being prevented from being with them, then I definitely understand how devastating that is.

27:01 In fact, I will do a separate episode about this to cover it off in more detail because to just say right now, don't be upset about it is virtually impossible. It doesn't really take into consideration the reality of not seeing your kids and then not seeing them on Christmas Day. But in terms of how I managed, you know, I was always very adamant, shall we say. I never wanted to do like Christmas Day handovers. Some people make it work and it's become their norm, but I think it's bollocks to, you know, if you've got them in the afternoon, you spend all morning waiting for them to come. And then if you've got them in the morning, then guess what? You spend all morning, you know, like, oh, what's going to happen at lunchtime when they go?

27:41 And then your kids, halfway through the day, halfway through opening, probably opened all their presents, but halfway through playing with them or enjoying them and being with family, they've got to jump in the car and be shipped off to somewhere else. Christmas Day can happen at any time. You can create your Christmas Day on whatever day you want it to happen. If it's a week later, if it's in the bloody summer because they're visiting from Australia, mate, you can create Christmas Day whatever day you want. Don't let the idea that it had to be this day and it had to be with these people, it had to look like this. Don't let that drag you down. For the dad that can't see his kids and is unable to see them at all, then, yeah, then that is brutal.

28:26 You know, use it as an opportunity to connect with friends, to be with family. You know, worst case is to be on your own. Like, what would it take to go to a local church or to find a men's group or some sort of community activity where you can make sure you're spending the day with others? Like I said, I think I'll do another episode in a couple of days to cover this off in more detail. But you be the difference. A slightly unrelated but relevant example I often give is that someone who's had their legs blown off.

29:06 Mark Ormrod is the example that always brings to mind for me because he, as a soldier, had injuries in Afghanistan that completely transformed his life. No amount of being upset about having no legs is going to make his legs grow back. But recreating his new life, setting himself up in his mind and physically to win, like physically, mentally, emotionally, to create. create a new life and and and and be the winner that you see him out there in the world today raising money starting businesses being an advocate for for um for for former servicemen like that's someone facing up to the reality of change and creating something new

29:53 we all have that within us as a high value man that is the ultimate expression of overcoming adversity it's taking it on the chin it's it's not how hard you can hit it's how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward and that's what i want this christmas for you to be about in summary a fresh start uh uncomfortable conversations had in advance managing your money and your finances and setting up in place the logistics to have a great day being the the the bigger man on the day bringing the positive energy helping awkward moments tensions being the man that works through them and takes other people past them

30:43 making time for the people you love making time for yourself seeing friends and family not overindulging but using this as a time to recharge and refresh so that you really land amazingly in 2025 i hope this is going to be an incredible contribution to you you and your christmas a slightly longer episode than normal i've no idea how much i've rambled or how much power it's had i love christmas uh i've had so many happy memories through wonderful and through challenging times not every

31:18 christmas has been perfect but here i am today looking forward to this one we spent with um with my girlfriend and her family i'll be seeing my kids on christmas eve and i'll be seeing them a few days later we will be recreating christmas day and having a wonderful time before new year's eve kicks in and we've actually got a couple of parties we'd invited to whatever it is and if you need some input we'll be doing a live uh hangout for dads around the christmas uh period then get involved in that will be a support to everybody um and other than that i encourage you to get yourself into the high value man uh project community if

31:58 you're not there yet just go to highvalumanproject.com forward slash group and watch out for so much activity happening over the next two weeks and into the start of 2025 to get you into the project to help you level up and be the man and dad you want to be we've got a number we've got a five-day challenge coming in february um we've got uh if you're on the email list we've got a special launch and invitation to get um the q1 2025 um high value man project intake filled up so if you're not on that list yet then get

32:38 yourself there probably the best way to do that is simply go to highvalumanproject.com forward slash group and drop your details in there and then you will get the exclusive offers and limited invitations that are coming out to people on our contact list voices getting croaky i gotta go uh it's been my absolute pleasure share this with other men in your life be sure to subscribe and leave us a review on iTunes or spotify and of course if you're watching on YouTube then don't forget to subscribe and hit that bell it's my absolute pleasure if I don't speak to you before Christmas then

33:17 make sure just make sure you have a bloody great time be the best version of yourself and love the people around you let's go thanks for tuning in to the Johnny Jensen show be sure to subscribe leave a review and share it with fellow dads creating the life you deserve starts with you get your high value man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvalumanproject.com let's go