How Not To Have A Bad Dad Christmas

00:00 Are you looking forward to Christmas or are you one of those men who secretly thinks I can't wait for it to be over? In this episode of The Jonnie Jensen Show, how not to have a shit Christmas. Roll theme! Welcome to The Jonnie Jensen Show where modern dads discover how to create the true riches relationships and results they deserve Get your High Value Man blueprint and join our community at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go Hello men, great to have you here. Welcome to The Jonnie Jensen Show I am the creator and head coach at The High Value Man Project and it is my absolute pleasure to have you here today It is just a week away from Christmas in fact this time next week will be over if your in the UK or any kind of country that does Boxing Day I guess thats Australia maybe Canada?

01:01 Less so America, but anyway and definitely not some of the European countries. But it will be Boxing Day this time next week which means the main day Christmas Eve, Christmas Day will be over! Will you have had an absolutely brilliant time or will it have been crap full of arguments left you with a hangover? An empty bank account and X number of rows between you and your family... And by the way if A Christian or from a country that's celebrating Christmas right now. This episode applies, it applies to any occasion anything that you end up looking forward to I've seen people families have the kind of meltdowns and some people over have at Christmas over holidays over birthdays really any kind of special occasion and of course if you're from a different culture or religion then you will have your own

01:57 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen And it's filled with tension and it really doesn't need to be. And that's what today's episode is going to fundamentally be about if you've not been here before, then welcome as I said my name is Jonnie Jensen we're on about season five of the podcast We were previously Team Superdad

02:34 And we're here to help men create the life that they deserve, that they truly want rather than the life they feel stuck in. That means leveling up for yourself taking control for your health and managing your money, your health wealth and happiness so that you can create a life that you deserve instead of one you feel stuck in And the reality for too many men is that we're living in an existence that is below the level that would honour our potential. It's below the level that society, that we live in has enabled us... That we could go out there and grab. Opportunity is all around us never in society, in history of mankind has opportunity been so available to all of us? And whilst it might seem strange because

03:22 There are wars, there are disease, there is illness, there's famine, there's hardship. There's addiction and lots of things going on but when you take control as a man when you level up for yourself in your own life first and foremost then the true riches relationships and results that you deserve are available to you You know, for our friends in America. The American Dream, the pioneers like when you set out on a clear mission when you have the courage to take responsibility to see what you need to do for yourself to push through to be the man that your meant to be then you can create the level of commitment that generates the kind of results other people dream off

04:05 And there are so many examples of men that have achieved against all odds. And it should encourage you when you think about those people, whether it's history, whether its movies... It doesn't really matter the stories are the same what one man can do any man can do. So YOU gotta get off your ass take control And really start to create the life that you deserve. If any of that sounds like, if it resonates if you're feeling stuck in a situation, if you've got all the things you want but you wanna have it all or have more... The relationship and the business, the healthy body and the connection with your kids, the money in the bank and the active social life this is the life we should all deserve then I invite you to come get involved

04:49 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen Show, Without further ado, let's get on with today's episode. How not to have a shit Christmas? It blows my mind that certain families will enter into this festive period with the expectation that there's going to be rows, that is going to be upset. That it's gonna bring about a lot of stress and from my own personal experiences it doesn't have to be that way now I have had crap Christmases. I have had challenging Christmases and I'll share some of those with you today but more than anything

05:49 They've been fun. They've been filled with love and laughter, and it's not always about the perfect circumstances you can be in a shit situation and still have a great Christmas will come on to one of my ones of those for sure in a moment but oh god so that right on my keyboard the enter button which is right next to my mouse Starts the intro. He must be able to change those hot keys to change that, but let's see look why do men struggle sometimes around this area in Christmas time? It could be the pressure to perform you know men often feel like they've got to be the provider of joy like everything the gifts that happy family the smooth logistics literally everything that Christmas requires is on your shoulders

06:47 And then there's the complete opposite of that. The man, the dad who sits back and expects his missus to take care of it all. They buy all the presents they get all the food they cook all the food although interestingly across my circle of friends is generally that it seems common that the man is the one that's cooking a Christmas dinner but which end of that spectrum are you on or are you sharing the load? That's an obvious area of tension Family tensions, seeing people that you perhaps don't see very often. Don't get along with don't even like or they're annoying now what's it going to take for you to be okay with however there being? And disconnection I made a list myself which i'm just referring too late sometimes if the relationships that you cherish the most are a little bit broken

07:40 Then you could be sat there observing all this love and laughter and present opening, your missus and the kids enjoying it all. And you're feeling a little bit disconnected wondering how did he get to this? Um...and then of course is the financial side of it. Feeling a lot of concern about where the money's gonna coming from trying to buy everyone's happiness feeling like that you can only have a good time if you spend a load of money And I'll tell you another big one is this time of year can often bring with it a sense of what haven't i achieved, what should have happened this year that hasn't happened. How much further ahead should we be than we actually are? Now I run through all those not like oh here's the checklist of all the things but you may

08:34 Some of those may resonate with you and you'll be like, yeah that's where I'm at. That's the concern i've got or... ...I was- I didn't think anyone else had that how did they? How did he know?! I know because we're all going through it, like Christmas can and should be a wonderful time. But when things aren't always working out it can bring with it a lot of those pressures now you may have other ones who knows? It could be someone's ill health, it could be a loss, it could be all sorts of things that are coming on that are really come to challenge you at this time My message to you is, as a high value man it is totally within your power within your realm of sphere of influence. To be able to create a Christmas that everybody feels was full of joy full of laughter where the load was shared has that been the role that you've taken in the past?

09:31 You might need to look at what you need to be responsible for in regards to previous Christmases that have had you feeling this level of apprehension or concern running into it. You may also know that your other half, or perhaps your kids particularly if they're older and you can have this conversation with them they maybe feeling some of these concerns based on Christmas's past there was a particular I'm To me it was like wow you know, you kind of see on the soap operas and my god if your one of those families that watches so proper as full stop let alone looks forward to the Christmas Day episode where everybody dies or gets flipping cancer. How miserable could they make those things some domestic abuse situation when we're all supposed to be having a good time?

10:50 That's just my own personal soapbox about soap operas. But it is real, there we go! It was an example to me of yeah some families the experience of Christmas is miserable and shit...and I don't want that for you if it's been like that in the past this is where it ends today. I don't have a finite blueprint of how you can The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen Show,

11:39 3XC formula for living, which is the framework inside The High Value Man project. The structure around which we set ourselves up whether it's a life in general or whether it's an individual specific project you start with clarity like really what is the kind of Christmas that you want? What is something that you've wished it always would be like what is the vision for you and your family how The You know, if we focus...if we get what we focus on most of the time then guess what? Your tension and apprehension is going to lead to awkwardness which is probably gonna lead to a prickly moment. Who knows what you might have forgotten or what you haven't helped out with and guess what then comes the row! So you might involve your kids, particularly you might involve your partner

12:56 Common areas of frustration that you can pinpoint, then you might be able to have a conversation with her about how this ideal Christmas looks like. She might find it and they might knock her off their feet when you say to her... Just thought I'd ask you how would you like Christmas to be? You know what frustrates you about the Christmases we've had? What do you want to do? What don't you want to do? Just because it's always been a particular way doesn't mean that you have to stick to it. I remember one Christmas was one of the first years when, when I was a kid actually after my mum had died we went away for Christmas and I thought...I was like horrified! I think I was about 11. I'm like, We're going away at Christmas? Like what the hell?!

13:40 And it was actually brilliant, no surprise. You know who doesn't like being on holiday let alone holiday at Christmas where there's Christmas trees and food and presents but it's all happening in the sun if you come from somewhere that is not very sunny at Christmas or its happening on the ski slopes but it was a concern to me even as a kid that if wasn't always the way it always was then how could be good? So be prepared when your having that conversation for little bit of give-and-take You know, in the classic one when we're coming around to this you know in terms of in-laws and families and people that you feel like you have to see. Well do... first of all do you have to see them? Probably! But how are YOU gonna be about it if how you are is he's an asshole and he always does this or always does that well guess what?! He's not going to change so the only thing you have control over is HOW YOU ARE ABOUT IT What could YOU DO that would have it be different I don't know

14:38 It might be a conversation in advance. It might be asking them to bring something that they never do, it might not giving them so much strength I don't know what it might be but when you are as a high value man putting yourself in the position of what can I be responsible for? Where can I bring transformation where can I adjust things so that the result I want is more likely to happen You're not flipping leaf in the wind being blown around by other people's behavior and attitudes time to level up You can create anything that you want now in terms of money it's not possible really to suddenly magic money out of the air. You know this isn't always about people that haven't got money and people do have money can find themselves overspending massively at Christmas because they think all they should, its bollocks particularly if its stresses you out one of the

15:33 I don't remember it as a great Christmas but i don't remember either is a bad Christmas. Turns out through conversation with my dad decades later, It was a Christmas where he was pretty much on his ass if you've heard my Concord to Council House story your you know your understand little bit of how that came to be and what that was like but it was a Christmas when we didn't have much My dad was able to get together some sort of 500 quid and he took us to what would it have been like 19 90 something like that, right? So there wasn't shopping malls in the UK and hadn't been around like the big ones hadn't been around for that long. The nearest one to us was Lakeside and he took us up there and we pretty much blew this 500 quid. We went walk round all those shops. He bought loads of clothes where you know, we had we at we went for pizza and movies and Christmas Day the next day was kind of was never as there was a turkey of course when we play games and we and we tittered about and various people came over

16:35 Turns out, like I said, I found out 20 years later that he was absolutely on his ass. And yes he did find some money to blow but the thing that i remember most about it was me and my dad and my brother being out and having a laugh The people that came around on that Christmas day and all bought something even though we were in this random house you had to keep the oven door shut with a broom Propped, like wedged against the kitchen wall and the broomstick held the door of the oven closed. It was just fun! So you don't have to presume that it's got to be epic and if you've got money then brilliant manage your finances keep a track of what you spent decide on who is going to bring what round on Christmas Day doesn't have to all come from you people take the piss if you let them so don't let them

17:36 And I guess that falls into this next area, right? About simplifying and organizing the day. Now don't let things become A problem. You know, just us looking at us this Christmas we there was conversations about what the food going to be and who's gonna get it from this way are we're gonna get it from that way? And it was just kind of going round and round. And actually the ultimate easy solution was what if you do the starters will do the main course you did a pudding with doing secret Santa for gifts. And of course I'm buying my kids and my girlfriend and I can't help but I love buying presents even if they're little presents

18:13 So I've got a few things for a few people, but the point is get it planned in ahead so people's expectations are managed. So that there's games to be played, so there's enough booze and drink to go around and if people are asked to bring certain things then you'll end up with the exact amount you need and everyone has contributed. Get your logistics sorted! I've actually got, I won't be using it this year because i don't need it. But I've actually got a list that I made once when I host of all the things that go into The Christmas Dinner and The Christmas Day and saved in my Google Drive the amount of times I referenced that and used it in the past And It makes me laugh now remember back to the Christmas that I actually wrote it

18:56 And I guess around this kind of organizing things and being prepared is don't feel like you've got to say yes to everything. Don't over commit, it's a period of time where you should be able to relax and enjoy yourself if your sharing the load and you've got some time off over Christmas then don't be flipping in the car doing 100 miles every single day just to go see people that you don't even like that much What are the people, you know be gracious have enough in you to be able to spend time with family and people that it's right to spend time with. But equally make time and planning seeing your friends having fun making sure you got something good to look forward to on New Year's Eve this is how you manage your days

19:48 And I'm coming to into the second C of the 3XC formula is around courage. And in particular, around courage it's about how you show up about who your being on the day. Consider that you're the focal point of the family whether you whether your traditional family still with your single dad. I guess we will do a little bit here about single dads but you set the tone, you set the energy So have the grace within you to keep grounded, to keep calm. If you can see that someone's struggling...that you've left someone your missus whatever left them with too much to do or you feel like you're doing too much and not getting any help then ask for it!

20:38 But don't do it with the, you know start to get frustrated and resentful or start to get pissed and everything be chaotic. If that's what's coming out of you its gonna start being reflected back on other people if there is family tensions then help resolve it Don't ignore it and hope that goes away You know come at it with empathy Let people know like I find every Christmas a bit bloody awkward because of this and this. It doesn't really matter, but it's just what about if we made it different? What could we do that would have it be a better way for everybody and then ultimately on the day bring the joy

21:21 Bring a fresh perspective that has this Christmas. Include all the traditional things that you love, but have it be free of any of the doubt frustration or expectation of previous years. You literally are wiping the slate clean, a fresh start and I hope what I've shared about the clarity and taking responsibility in the courage inside of this is that your creating space for this to be a fresh start And I want to say as well, another important part of this time is making quality time for the people that you love. In particular you and your other half like it's very easy to take each other for granted and actually a little bit of love and appreciation some kind words in a Christmas card A gift that's given

22:14 With eye contact and a real intentional moment of I chose this for you because you're awesome, because I appreciate you. Don't just lob them a present and think that they're going to get all that because you wrapped it up nice. Actually take the time maybe it's in the card or maybe it's in a quiet moment together when you step out of the norm and recommit and reconnect on level with each other understands I get you I feel your appreciation, I feel your love. And that also is about creating a space for a wonderful Christmas day or wonderful Christmas period and if it's in a stage of life when it's kids and mayhem what can you do to get a couple of hours to yourself? Could could just swap with another family could grandparents have them? I don't know what it looks like but see work on making it happen

23:14 And I think as well equally is finding a bit of time for yourself. This end of year, this period particularly the weird bit like the Biffins... The bit between your balls and your arse! It's literally the bit between Christmas Day and New Year's day it's just like that you know what could you do? And i'll do another episode about this next week What could you do to really make that time powerful for yourself The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen Show,

23:51 Start to actually put some thoughts and ideas down on this year. These were my wins this year, This is what didn't go quite so well? This is what I learned about myself because when you take the moment to do that check then you are again like maybe a bit of the theme here is wiping the slate clean You're able to clear out the tension and stress and have expectation in and concern about how it should have gone And leave yourself a clear open space to make plans for 2025, to have an enjoyable new year and kickstart the New Year strong. So there's many other things I'm sure that you can factor into your own Christmas day. Sadness around loss is probably another element of Christmas that we need to cover off here

24:47 There will be people this year who you've lost. You will be reminded on Christmas Day in particular about them not being there, if there's an empty seat at the table that loss could consume the day but the most important thing about that before we come on to single dads is if someone has died whilst it's sad they would not want you to have a shit day! The ultimate Respect to them is that you have a great time, is that you imagine their spirit there. You know their vibe, their energy is still there with you and if they were there would they want you to all be sat around sad and upset? And literally I've been at some Christmases where there's tears more than laughs during the day! That person would not want that. The celebration is Christmas

25:43 Without this, apologies to all Christians and the birth of Jesus Christ and everything like that. But coming together as a family of celebrating the love and unity and connection of seeing friends having a drink together or sharing gifts it doesn't make sense that you'd then be sad and upset about someone who who you loved isn't there if anything honor them celebrate them You know, a bit like awake if you need that. Well what do you remember? A moment at Christmas when my mum was here and even toast them it's lovely thing to do to toast loved ones who are not able to be present today

26:29 And then finally, single dads. Maybe this should be an episode in its own and maybe it's a bit odd to leave it here till last but if you're still tuned in and you're a single dad facing Christmas without your kids then I want you to know... A bit like the point made before that being upset and miserable about it is absolutely pointless Very, very difficult if you're not going to see your kids and you're being prevented from being with them. Then I definitely understand how devastating that is. In fact we'll do a separate episode about this in more detail because just say right now don't be upset about it is virtually impossible It doesn't really take into consideration the reality of not seeing your kids and then not seeing them on Christmas Day but in terms of how I managed You know I was always very

27:22 Adamant, shall we say. I never wanted to do like Christmas Day handovers some people make it work and it's become their norm but I think its bollocks if you've got them in the afternoon you spend all morning waiting for them to come and then if you've got them in the morning then guess what? You spend all morning thinking oh whats going on at lunchtime when they go! And your kids halfway through the day half way through opening or not probably opening all of there presents but halfway through playing with em enjoying them being with family They gotta jump into a car and be shipped off somewhere else Christmas Day can happen at any time. You can create your Christmas day on whatever day you want it to happen, if it's a week later or in the bloody summer because they're visiting from Australia mate! You can create Christmas Day on whatever day you want. Don't let the idea that it had to be this day and with these people and look like this drag you down. For the dad who can't see his kids and is unable to see them then yeah then that is brutal

28:26 You know, use it as an opportunity to connect with friends to be with family. Worst case is to be on your own like what would it take to go to a local church or to find a men's group or some sort of community activity where you can make sure you're spending the day with others? Like I said, I think I'll do another episode in a couple days to cover this off in more detail but you be the difference A slightly unrelated but relevant example I often give is that someone who's had their legs blown off. Mark Ormrod is the example that always brings to mind for me because he as a soldier had injuries in Afghanistan that completely transformed his life, no amount of being upset about having no legs is going to make his legs grow back but recreating his new life

29:27 Setting himself up in his mind and physically to win, like physically mentally emotionally to create a new life and be the winner that you see him out there in the world today. Raising money starting businesses being an advocate for former servicemen like that's someone facing up to the reality of change and creating something new We all have that within us. As a high value man, that is the ultimate expression of overcoming adversity it's taking it on the chin It's not how hard you can hit It's how hard you can get here and keep moving forward

30:09 And that's what I want this Christmas for you to be about. In summary, a fresh start uncomfortable conversations had in advance managing your money and your finances and setting up in place the logistics to have a great day being the bigger man on the day Bringing the positive energy, helping awkward moments, tensions. Being the man that works through them and takes other people past them. Making time for the people you love making time for yourself seeing friends and family not overindulging but using this as a time to recharge and refresh so that you really land amazingly in 2025 I hope this

31:01 It's going to be an incredible contribution to you, you and your Christmas. A slightly longer episode than normal I've no idea how much I rambled or how much power it had. I love Christmas! I've had so many happy memories through wonderful and through challenging times. Not every Christmas has been perfect, but here I am today looking forward to this one we spent with my girlfriend and her family. I'll be seeing my kids on Christmas Eve and I'll be seeing them a few days later. We will be recreating Christmas Day and having a wonderful time before New Year's Eve kicks in and we've actually got a couple of parties we're invited too

31:40 Whatever it is, and if you need some input we'll be doing a live hangout for dads around the Christmas period. Then get involved in that will be as support to everybody and other than that I encourage you to get yourself into the High Value Man Project community if you're not there yet just go to highvaluemanproject.com forward slash group And watch out for so much activity happening over the next two weeks and into the start of 2025 to get you into the project, to help you level up and be the man and dad. You want to be we've got a number of five day challenge coming in February. We've got if you're on the email list are we've got a special launch and invitation to get the

32:30 Q1 2025 High Value Man Project intake filled up. So if you're not on that list yet, then get yourself there probably the best way to do that is simply go to highvaluemanproject.com forward slash group and drop your details in there and then you will get the exclusive offers and limited invitations are coming out to people on our contact list Voice is getting croaky, I gotta go. It's been my absolute pleasure share this with other men in your life be sure to subscribe and leave us a review on iTunes or Spotify and of course if you're watching on YouTube then don't forget to subscribe and hit that bell it's my absolute pleasure but let's speak before Christmas then make sure just make sure you have a bloody great time be the best version yourself and love the people around you let's go

33:28 Thanks for tuning in to The Jonnie Jensen Show. Be sure to subscribe, leave a review and share it with fellow dads! Creating the life you deserve starts with YOU. Get your High Value Man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go