Helping Dads Make Their Home Feel Happy with Clare Topham

00:00 In this episode of the Team Super Dad podcast, we talk interior design, how dads can get involved and what single dads need to do to make their new home feel comfy. Role theme. Welcome to Team Super Dad. Real dads creating their best lives ever. More time, more money, more fun. You are not alone. You're on Team Super Dad. Oh, hey, Team Super Dad, friends, family, members all around the world. It's great to have you here. We are live on the Team Super Dad podcast. And today, a conversation with an old friend of mine and inspired by a coaching session with a dad last week.

00:45 The dad, and this conversation, by the way, is for dads in relationships, as well as single dads who are trying to set up their home. But the conversation was inspired by a member of Team Super Dad and one of my one-on-one dad clients. He's moving into his new home and he's absolutely bricking it. He keeps like, it's not that he's can't do it. You know, he's a very capable guy and runs a business and like there's been nothing he can't do. But yeah, he's going into a home and he's thinking, it's like, he's talking about curtains. How am I going to do curtains? What am I going to do with the curtains? And actually, what he's really freaking out about is everything. A table, a couch, a picture, the kids' bedrooms.

01:25 And are they going to be comfortable? And so I thought to myself, who do I know that I can speak to about this? And Claire popped straight into my mind. So without further ado, I'm going to bring her in. If you enjoy this, then please share, like, comment. If you're watching on the live on Facebook, YouTube or Twitter, then comment because we can bring you in on the comments. So feel free to ask questions if you've got them. And if you're watching on the replay, then by all means, share it. Say hi to us in the replay. And of course, podcast listeners, subscribe so you don't miss out on any of the upcoming podcasts. So let's have a look and see if we can bring in Claire.

02:08 Morning, Johnny. Or is it midday? Afternoon? We are just in the afternoon, yeah. What have you been doing all morning? Nothing? Yeah, not a lot. No. Homeschooled in a four-year world, hopefully. That's the thing for anyone who's got a little in. You can't just say, oh, yeah, I'll catch you in a couple of hours when you've done that math thing. You've got to sit with them. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I mean, he's just gone into a section, so still completely new for him. Although, I must admit, he's actually with his dad right now. So I've got an afternoon, a few hours where he's popped off. So he's taken over the homeschool in Baton this afternoon. Yes, you are a separated parent as well, right?

02:52 Yeah, that's right. Yeah, so no, mum. So, yeah. And you're in the southeast of England in... Where is it? I'm in Shoreham, yeah. Shoreham, I see. So yeah, halfway between Worthing and Brighton, just on the south coast. I'm literally like looking over the rainy sea as we speak out here. So it's a pretty cool community. It is a pretty cool thing. Yeah, and it's really changed. I've been over here for about the last four years since I had my little boy and it's really family orientated now. So yeah, it's a good place to be. It's really sociable. People look out for each other. Like, I know all my neighbours and all that kind of stuff. So it's a good, good place to live.

03:33 I know. Heavens above that that should be normal. That I know my neighbours. I know that I comment that I know my neighbours, but it's not always like that, is it? You know? Have you ever read... Oh, I thought Brighton was supposed to be like the friendliest place on earth, kind of thing. Well, I don't know. I think you moved to West Sussex and you find a different kind of person. A bit more down to earth, right? Yeah, a bit more down to earth. Have you ever read, and this kind of starts to lean into the interior design subject, the Japanese like Ikigai and the history or the study of Ikigai? I haven't. No, you're going to have to come in. So it's all about peaceful living and happy living, but it's about managing

04:16 your environment, knowing the people around you, looking out for others, resting appropriately, keeping working, things like that. So I think that sounds like, yeah, it could bake into some thoughts about interior design. So you are an interior designer. When we first met you, that was like a vision of yours. Yeah, well, that was some time ago. That must have been 15 years or so. Yeah. But yeah, from vision to it is now what you do. And your website has got absolutely beautiful designs and interiors and the whole houses you do for people. It's gorgeous.

04:58 Thank you. Yeah, so that was. God, that's going back quite a while because I've been running the business for 12 years now. So if you think then I retrained and then went into it, and I just went in straight at the deep end. First project I ever got was a lady doing her complete house renovation. And I remember when I went in and saw her, because I just put a few flies to a few doors, thought this can't be this tricky. I trained, I'm kind of, you know, been into a designer. And I really distinctly remember her offering me a cup of coffee and saying to me, you know, do you mind? I've only got goat's milk. And all I could think was goat's milk is goat's milk a problem. You want me to renovate your whole house and I've just qualified for an interior designer.

05:35 Like I can deal with the goat's milk. Actually, I hate goat's milk, but you know, I've just stood there kind of completely, oh my goodness, how am I going to tackle this one? But yeah, that was the first project, got the project, and really have just snowballed from there. And a lot of what I've done has just been learning on the job. And interestingly, I do you remember when we met? I was anonyming, so I was looking after people, children in people's homes. And loads of the skills have been really cross-transferable. You might not necessarily think that, but it's just about people, families, how they live, how they work, and how they want to feel in their home. So it actually gave me a really good grounding for kind of understanding family life and what makes us tick and what makes us happy in our homes.

06:19 That's so inspiring. And I'm just taking the piss or being flippant, right? But for people who are thinking, I want to change, because that's actually one part of the Team Super Dad F5 is finance. So managing your money better, making more money, not doing stuff you don't feel inspired or happy doing. And so many people are just really confronted by the idea of what change profession, like retrain, like put flies. What about the first ever job? Put flies through the door. How am I going to go wrong? It's going to go wrong. And yet, and that's just an amazing story of how you not just went for it, but crossing those barriers as you were hit by them and pushing through.

06:58 I'm going to share a link to your website now in the chat. So people thank you. But have you heard about the idea between a blueprint and a gold print? Do you know what I mean by that? Oh, yeah, go for it. Sounds good. So a gold print is if you ever you're asked to do something and you think about doing it and it really makes you buzz and you really think like yeah this is what I want to be doing that's called your gold print and effectively the idea is that you always follow your gold print your blueprint is just something that's like oh yeah I could do that and feel all right but you know when it's gold print because it gives you that feeling and the idea is that you should always follow follow the gold print yeah I've heard that spoken about like working in your flame yeah exactly

07:39 and me kind of taking the ball behind the horns and being like right I'm gonna do this and it's not it's not the easy path you know I've been there many times but I think it's with any profession if you've really got that innate belief that you can do it you you can and you just have to kind of go for it and you learn so much from from the journey absolutely because you know you go to college and you learn so much you get your qualifications but all of what you really learn in most professions is standing there on the job and nearly all of the projects that I do it's complete redesign and I tend to project manage as well so I'll be with that client and that family right from the outset perhaps they've just bought a new home and it needs refurbing and I may well then be

08:19 working with them for the year next year or year and a half and we'll take it all the way through doing the designs project managing doing the fit out until literally that whole kind of home has changed into the dream that they had and for me my job is just holding their hand along the process because I know it's really overwhelming but people do know what they what they want and what makes them happy and it's just my job to kind of pull that out of them and when you say people do we mean the wife or does the man the man and the wife it really it's really it's quite divided so I've worked for single guys it's not necessarily a couple I've worked for single guys straight guys um

09:03 kind of all kinds of different people and it will very much just depend it's normally who's got the interest so normally there's one person will lead and I would say probably 60% of the time it's a woman but also there's about 40% of the time that it'll be the guy or it'll be a tandem and I do quite often joke that I could offer marriage guidance because that it's yeah I was about to say that there was quite a lot of yeah I do need to kind of step in from time to time and say you know let's listen to his opinions or let's listen to her opinions and but certainly I think that sometimes what can happen is that guys can feel a little bit overwhelmed because it is historically it's been considered to be kind of the female domain but I do think that that's changing

09:53 yeah well I mean it's it's it's like like all these subjects it's it's changing and there's a classic I've worked with with dads who said they didn't care about what the what the lounge looked like and then they're livid that they're sat every night watching TV with floral wallpaper or whatever and you say well did you say did you mention anything no I didn't you know you got to speak up get to get you get to be active in the situation so this conversation was was inspired by by a dad who's moving into his house it's it's a completely blank space and

10:32 uh and he doesn't know where to start so so this conversation could equally be for a couple of of course um but i was interested today to chat to you just about like what what kind of steps could we take to understand like do we do we need to worry about colour and do we need to worry about the curtains first and the curtains last and so i'm not going to say too much i try and i'll basically let let you lead this part of the conversation and i'll come in and ask you questions about it is that a promise you're not going to say too much i can just like lead the floor here are you ready getting me to shut up yes i reckon i'll be i'll be right with that but listen i think what we need to do is we need to look at the why first of all like i could i can easily give you a blueprint for how but let's look at why i mean why do we want to make our homes beautiful you know have you yeah totally so uh

11:26 especially single dads they're they're they're more thinking about their kids they're like i want them to be comfortable i want them to feel like they're at home here um but equally i know you know yourself as well that when the kids go off to the other parent then you want to know that that you're comfortable that you could have mates around and you wouldn't be like oh yeah it's uh two flipping upturned boxes and a and a takeaway chair you know actually somewhere you would be happy to entertain people and uh and you know for families that are still together i i it's pretty much the same they want somewhere where they can feel like a family they want somewhere and even if whatever size of space they want to feel happy there and and that they can feel

12:06 confident to to entertain um you know coffee or play dates or or even people going to watch the football and i think that's what you've touched on straight away that word happy so do you know that there's a happiness institute have you heard of the happiness institute well i'm quite i happy is a big subject to me i interviewed a guy called scott crabtree on the podcast the other day he's about the science of happiness as well yes okay so the institute of um if of happiness is in copenhagen and they did a survey a couple of years ago about what makes us happy in our homes so they interviewed 13 000 people all across europe and they had some found out some really interesting information so they actually found out that being happy in our homes

12:45 was as important to people as their mental health and their physical health like their overall well-being it's really interesting and it actually scored above um finances so people rated happiness in their homes as as greater than what income they were they were taking home so it's really interesting isn't it you come through the front door you you you like you want to feel safe and and safe isn't just like you're sat in a tank safe is is happy as well content relaxed at peace yeah well they found that there was like five things that you need to feel at home to feel happy so you need to feel proud of your environment so like you say you come home in the evening and you've just got like you know a couple

13:25 of uptown boxes you don't walk in and think like hey look what i did but how do you feel when you've painted a room you know you don't look forward to it you put it off you procrastinate you eventually paint that room and you stand back and you're like wow do you know like check out what i did and it isn't just because it looks good you know hopefully it looks good and you pitch a reasonable colour but it gives you that sense of pride and that sense of achievement that you did that for somebody for yourself or for your children you know so that pride is a really big one you want to feel comfortable but also it's really important is identity so sometimes when i first meet a client they expect me to just go in there and say right we're gonna paint this wall blue we're gonna get this chair this is what we're gonna do and they

14:05 almost look to me to go into that and i i can do that for you i can make your home look like it's gonna be in a magazine but it's not the key because you need to identify with that space so it's not actually about like what the current trends are or what the best paint colour is i can tell you like the current trends are you know whatever they are if you don't like that colour and you don't like that feeling of comfort it's not going to work for you so i think like people get really overwhelmed everyone does it whether they're single in a relationship you know they're a couple they get really overwhelmed and just say oh i don't know what to do um and you you people do know what to do but kind of my job is to

14:45 talk you through the process which i will in a little while to understand what you like okay And one of the first things is identifying what you like because if you don't identify what you like, how do you kind of turn that into a reality? And I think that's where people often get quite stuck. And then the other things that you need to feel at home, you need to feel safe and you need to feel in control. So we kind of take those things for granted. But you know, you need to feel when you shut the front door that you're in an environment that you're going to feel good about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, like, going back to what you were saying about kind of the key things for, I think, solo parents, and I can completely relate to this.

15:20 I've been bringing my little boy up on my own for the last four years. So there's a few really important things, really important for the children is that they feel held in that space. And that for them needs to be a tangible way that they feel remembered. You know, we know we remember our children. Our children are all always on our minds, but they don't know that. And so when they're not with you all the time, they need to feel like they've had that space kind of held for them. And so that when they come back, they've got that feeling of security. And so that's about gone. Does that mean like pictures of them, you know, on the wall? It's no, it's more something that they can relate to, preferably something you did together that

16:03 shows that their interests are being kind of taken care of. So it doesn't need to be a really big deal. It's a space for them. So let's say you've got two children sharing a room and they've got bunk beds. It can be as simple as them picking out the duvet, then being given a certain area of the room that they can decorate. And again, you know, if you can't paint because, say, you're renting, then that could be wall decals. Or do you know you can even get removable wallpaper now that you can put wallpaper up and then when you leave, you can take the wallpaper down, which is really clever. Yeah. So like Velcro kind of picture hooks here. Yeah. You can't put something too heavy on, but they do work pretty well.

16:45 Yeah. So whatever it is that you guys pick up together, and I think that's really the key for it. So that when they're thinking of dad's house, it's something that they can actually really imagine. They can imagine their bedroom. They can describe it to other people. I mean, certainly my son really enjoyed coming home and bringing photographs of his bedroom and sharing that with me. And he really wanted to show me this is what my bedroom's like at daddy's, this is my duvet. And you'd be quite interested to hear how much information they will go into with you about the space that has been created for them and their think about that space and going back to it. Yeah. I love that as a general subject basically is the more we're interested in with our kids.

17:29 People make a mistake always that they think kids are just little and don't don't care, but actually they're completely the opposite. When we show an interest, we show there's an opportunity to be interested in something, they can really run wild with it. Their imaginations are much freer than ours. So when we suggest them, there's a subject called get excited about your bedroom. They're like, oh, okay, right. And there you go. It's coming back. You gave him them bring him back to you. Yeah. And don't worry, for instance, in the children's bedroom about things matching. You know, if one of your kids is into dinosaurs and one of them is into space, it doesn't matter. Yeah, really, ultimately, who's that bedroom for? It's for the girl children. You know, again, you don't need it to look like an Instagram bedroom.

18:12 It's not really the point. The point is it's for the kids and it's what they can relate to. So I would let your children lead as much as possible on that and just kind of go with their interests. But then it's also super important for you as a parent. And again, when you've got children moving between the homes. So have you ever had this experience where you drop your children off or they're collected or however it works and then you come back into the home and the home just feels like it's so quiet. You know, you can hear a pin drop and I find that silence is almost deafening. It's kind of like the magic got slightly taken out of the home. Absolutely. When it's easier now, way, way easier now. I'm five years, five years separated now.

18:53 But certainly in the first few years, exactly like you said, I love that, like the magic's been taken out or the colour's been turned off. So you've gone from an HD TV to a black and white TV. And we have to be careful not to get too significant about it ourselves. But the emotions of that time are pretty real. And so, you know, as we spoke about before we went live, just making sure it's a place not just for our kids, but also for ourselves. And, you know, in my lounge, Rosie's got her area with her drawers and her dolls, and they all kind of get they pack away neatly.

19:33 Jago's area is more about his Xbox, but I've got Tupperware boxes and his stuff just piles in there. And so not only does it feel like their space to them, but I can clear. clear it up really easily so the lounge turns back into my space for me. Yeah, that's great, and that's something I always recommend because I think it's okay to kind of acknowledge that feeling. Because if you acknowledge the feeling that it can be tricky when they're gone, then you can do something about it. Um, and so for me, like you say, you know, I have more of an adult space, so I'm lucky enough that I've got the room that his toys mainly go in his bedroom.

20:09 So the lounge is feels like a really nice adult space. And so when I come in on my own, I maybe do the things I don't have time to do, put some candles on, put the lights on, and really kind of think, oh, yeah, this is a benefit. I get to spend a bit of time kind of indulging in myself rather than that something's been taken away from me. And I think that's super helpful for people's well-being, really. Absolutely. And couples need to remember this. Yeah, couples need to remember this as well. Their home, great if you've got a playroom, kids' rooms. Like, if space isn't an issue, then okay, then you don't have to worry too much about how tidy their space is.

20:49 But if you, if it's, if it's your lounge and your and your kids are preschool or even when they're in school, if you can't put their stuff away nice and easily, so the lounge turns back into, like you said, adult space, then yeah, then you feel like the walls are closing in and you've never got a chance to sit back and relax and enjoy enjoy some adult time. But it's true, all that stuff they have in their litter. I'm glad we're getting through that stage, but it feels quite overwhelming. It's quite difficult to relax. So storage is really key on that. And even in small spaces, there's like clever storage that you can kind of put together to help you with that.

21:31 Absolutely. So that's getting started, right? What where you know, you mentioned colours and things like that. What is this? Should someone draw up a list? Because I was talking to the again, same guy today, who's moving into his place. And most of my coaching relates back to the experiences I've been through. And as he says, right, you've got to make a list. It's like quite practical stuff, but in the overwhelm of it all, it can be lost. You need what are those important things you need? Beds, couch, table in the lounge, some sort of kitchen dining thing somewhere to sit and eat at. Is that where do you start? Do you have to start really practical like that? Or do you can you dive? Yeah, so that's what I do.

22:14 So what I'd suggest you do is first of all is try not to get overwhelmed because I think you know don't freak out because a lot of people do just feel like oh my god I don't know where to start so then they procrastinate and they put it off and they're way lying awake in the middle of the night thinking what I'm gonna do so first thing of all is just go really practical so let's say like you're moving into a house let's take for argument's sake we assume that it's quite structurally sound you don't need to do any major works but like if you were moving into a new home what might be say the three most important rooms so let's look at those first so perhaps living room your bedroom and the kids bedroom now what I would suggest you do first of all is say which one of those three is your priority so if that was you

22:54 moving into your home which one do you think you'd make that as your priority uh I would go kids room simply on they need beds yeah okay so we'll so we've got your kids room so really methodical approach what what do they need in that room what have you got what I think they got and get a piece of paper in front of you and just start writing down a list of the things that you need yeah okay so yeah and and then and I guess if if you kind of brainstorm and you then go you if you put lots of stuff on there you can then double back and say oh well actually that's not an essential it's a nice to have yeah so get your essentials down first so let's say they need a bed if they're a bit older they might need a chair and a desk somewhere to study maybe they need bean bags for the floor they need chest of drawers you need some blinds or curtains that's really important so we kind of want to get that sorted do they need a rug so you just get them down there and as you go through the

23:48 practical with each one then right next to it what type so there's not much point in just having bed you know what kind of a bed do you want them to have bunk beds do you want them to have one of those high beds with the storage underneath so just take a bit of time of each step to really think about what that practical need is yeah because that's addressing the overwhelm isn't it because i instantly as you're going through this and i'm taking myself back five years but yeah you're right you've got not just subject bed because then when you walk into bed shop you've then got like oh my gosh where do i start so you're saying right no i'm gonna i'm gonna get uh i'm gonna get a single bed or a double bed bunk beds uh pretty cool if someone's listening they didn't think about this you can get a

24:34 bunk bed that's a double on the bottom and a single on the top so that's what i've I've got my kids so that when they're not here, it actually is quite a part of it. Yeah, yeah, it's a really practical idea. On the wall, it's a guest room for if I'm having friends over at the weekend. Yeah, so that kind of, yeah, that's a great idea to be able to do that. And they might, I don't know if they ever have friends over, but that's sometimes a consideration as well. It totally has, yeah, exactly. Yeah. And then think about so curtains and blinds. You know, do your kids have trouble sleeping? Do you need a blackout blind? So you know, just really drill into those practicalities about what they're going to need in that room. Yeah, yeah, and then a game changer, really.

25:18 Because again, this is something that people just don't think about. I've done it before. No, I've gone and bought curtains, put them up. They don't actually do a good job. But you thought a pair of curtains was going to do because the sun just shines straight through them. And suddenly your child's waking up at half past five and he's staying at your house and apparently sleeps, you know, till whatever time when they're not with you, and it's just all because they're not got the right sleeping environment. So you need to depending on where you buy them, some of those things can randomly be stupidly expensive versus somewhere else where they're still blackout blinds, but they're not as expensive. Yeah, it's something you need to shop around. But blinds, there's loads of really good online retailers now that you can measure up your blinds and send them off and they're much easier to do.

26:02 I don't remember if you in the old days where you'd go to the source, you'll be sorry. And you end up with this like raggedy blind. So yeah, things will come up. Lighting as well, I think people often forget, you know, just a lampshade, a bedside light for the kids again, is really important. You know, lots of children need a little side light on when they're going to sleep. So it's all those small things. So let's say now we've got a list of say six or seven things. And what you said is absolutely, I was like, yeah, spot on. It's the overwhelm. So already now you're feeling a little bit more in control because you've got shopping lists. Yeah, all right, okay, I've just got to buy these seven things

26:48 halfway there. So next thing what we need to look at is the aesthetics, like how's it going to look? And I think this is where people can often struggle because how's it going to look? Just like, oh, I don't know. So with your children's bedroom, it's a little bit easier because you'll be getting them involved. But let's say you were just like looking at a living room for argument's sake, just to make a little bit easier with the process. So we've decided in our living room what furniture we need. So now we need to go and have a look at, well, how do we want this to look? And how we want this to look comes back to how we want to feel in the room. So you'd be surprised, not everyone wants to feel the same in the same room. So if I said to some people, how do you want to feel in your living room? They might be like, oh, relaxed and cozy.

27:31 Some people might want to feel more energized. So you really need to get an idea in your mind of how you want to feel in that room and like literally write down, how do I want to feel? You know, what's the ultimate feeling that I want at the end of the day? Do I just want to kick off my shoes and just totally chill? Or do I want a room that's going to be a bit more kind of sociable? So my kids are going to kind of chat to me. And it is, you know, it really, and I, it's not for me to decide for other people what they want, but that's like a key thought of how you want to feel when you're at home. Yeah. So for me, like a couch, when I think about sociable and cozy, well, actually, they're two kind of different things.

28:11 Sociable, I want my guests to be able to have somewhere to sit. So I so versus if I was trying to make the lounge look really cool or funky, I probably wouldn't have such a big couch. But because I want when my kids are there with me, I want them all to be able to sprawl out and us like watch movies together. And if I've got friends around, I want people to actually have somewhere to sit. So the couch takes up probably at least a third of the room, but it but it really works for me. So yeah, I can see how. Yeah, so probably I'd put down probably laid back, quite cozy. That would be kind of a couple of words that I would say encompasses that. And then we need to look at colours.

28:54 And colours, again, it can be difficult for people to work out what they like. And what I always say with that is that have a look at the colours around you. So are you someone that likes to go for walks by the sea? Do you like going into the forest? You know, are the particular colours that you find make you feel more comfortable? Do you kind of like the greens and the browns of the forest? Or do you like the blues and the greys? The blues, sorry, and the greys of being by the seaside. And if that doesn't immediately resonate with you, sometimes it's a really good idea to go and have a look in your wardrobe. You'd be quite surprised if you just have a look at like, what do I wear? Do you know, like, what do I like?

29:33 Do I just like all neutral colours? colours? And that's fine. You know, you don't have to be putting in jade greens and you know, bits and pieces of, and it also helps you understand my patterns. If you're someone that never ever wears patterns and you would never put stripes on, do you want to be surrounded by stripes in your living room? Highly unlikely. You know, if you just chill out at the wench, I'm wearing jeans and a black top, then that's telling you, oh, right, okay. Looks like I'm pretty much like neutrals. Yeah. And is there a danger of going too, they call it, what do they call it?

30:08 Magnolia. Is there a danger of just going too, like we've got no colour in here at all? Can you just obviously that's that Superman poster works because of Team Super Dad, but is it a good idea to suddenly go, we need to bring some life into this? Let's just get a wild coloured well. I think it goes back to how you're wanting how you're wanting to feel. So if you're saying you want to feel laid back, cozy, and like for argument's sake, you like walking by the sea and so you like blues and greys. I'd say no, you don't need to be shooting some reds and yellows in there because you're just doing it for the sake of it because it doesn't really sit with what you've described you like.

30:47 But what would really help you home hone your feelings? So what we've got now is we've got the idea that you want to be have a laid-back cozy kind of feeling. And what kind of colours would you say that you're more drawn towards? My family, probably blues and yellowy, soft, soft, sort of sunny, sunny, warm, cozy, brighter. We don't, yeah, our family, we're, I guess, we're probably lighter than darker, yeah. Yeah, so you're like maybe a sunny day on the beach, that kind of feeling, like a sunny day on the beach on your sofa at home. So you've got your beer, sun shining in. So, you know, we're creating a kind of a mood in our head.

31:33 What you need to do now is to be able to see that. So you know Pinterest. Yes. Pinterest a bit more. A lot of people know Pinterest. So what I'd get you to do now is to go on to Pinterest and we've got these words in our mind. So we're going to type in cozy, sunny interiors, laid back. So for anyone listening who doesn't know what Pinterest is, it's kind of a social media website, but it's where people share images and you can create a board, a Pinterest board, and you could put images on there. And so like Claire just suggested, if you search cozy, warm interior, there'll be loads of people who randomly, or not so randomly, because that's what they're doing.

32:18 I'm one of those random people. Yeah, they've made a thing called cozy, warm interior, and there'll be loads of ideas for you there. So you'll have these photos pop up in front of you and like by magic, like, oh, wow, look, it's a yellow and blue sofa with that. And some of those will resonate with you and some of those won't. But all I'd ask you to do is don't think about it too hard. Don't think like, oh, where am I going to buy that sofa? It's just a feeling. It's a look and a feel. So pin 10 photos and you'll be amazed to suddenly find in front of you is a vision of what we've been discussing. Yeah. And do you know what's really important in a kind of personal development, psyche, logical, or whatever the thing is, there's a our reticulated activating system.

33:03 When there's a subject we haven't thought about much comes into our world, like I've got to design or decorate the inside of my home. If we've never spoken about that before, then we won't be having many thoughts about something like that before. Or in our everyday lives. But the more we lean into this and the more we think about it and the more we stimulate that area of our mind, then the more we'll start to notice stuff. Like when people, when you have a breakup and you hear breakup songs on the radio, it's like, well, they were always there. You just weren't paying much attention before. Or when you decide to buy a red voxel Sophia, all of a sudden you start seeing red voxels. Yeah, they were everywhere. So people think. So people thinking about what you never see.

33:46 Go on, you go. Well, you just perhaps you're watching a TV program, I bet you've never noticed what the house looks like. And once you start doing this process, you will start noticing what people's homes look like and what people's homes look like when you go into it. Exactly. Exactly. So that's a really good example. Suddenly you're watching TV and you're now noticing things you've never seen before on the TV. Yeah, totally. Yeah. And hopefully your mind shift has now shifted from kind of feeling of overwhelm and I can't do it to an actual fact you've just produced a mood board. You know, if I said to you at the beginning of this, we're going to produce a mood board, I think a lot of people are like, oh, really? I don't really fancy doing that. But in a few short steps, we've got you to the point that you've got a mood board in front of you.

34:28 So what you've now got is you've got shopping shopping list. list of your items that you need for the room, and you've got a mood board. So, if we then send you off to online shopping, Habitat, John Lewis, wherever it is that you want to have a look at these things and give you that first item to choose, the likelihood is that you're going to be feeling a lot more confident to start making your decisions. Yeah, totally. And that's what it's all about: about confidence, because it should be a fun thing, right? This shouldn't be something to cause great angst for people. Here's a question about when you do like sample pots, I've been to people's houses before, and their whole wall is covered in splodges of paint. And you think, how are you going to hover over that?

35:11 Is there a tip for should you just paint a piece of the paper rather than actually paint the wall? You should always paint a piece of paper, not paint the wall. People do that, and it's up there for a year and a half and they never get around to it. It's tormenting them every time they come into the room. So, yeah, so paint a piece of paper, stick it up because you could just pull that off and throw it in the bin. Okay, good. Because I've said that before to people, and they looked at me like I was mad, and I was thinking, No, I don't think I'm mad. Yeah, some companies have gotten done to that and they can actually produce them for you. So, they produce quite big samples that you stick straight on the wall. So, oh, good. There you go. Yeah. So, how do you think you feel confident?

35:54 So, we've created a vision, right? We've got an idea of the kind of space we want to create. We've made a priority list of things we want to put in there. Then we've gone off and started to do a mood board, mood board 101, ways to do mood boards that people don't know how to do mood boards on Pinterest. Brilliant. And now, like, how do we piece it together? Because quite a lot of what makes a home is kind of knickknacks and bits and bobs. And so, for someone who's not used to doing that, should they avoid that so you haven't got loads of toot around the house? Or is it nice to start? I kind of, yeah, I think you're jumping the gun, really.

36:34 I just think at the moment, it's just an extra an extra thing that you don't really need to be worrying about. I'd only take it as far as what's going to make you comfortable. So, put a rug on the floor, put some cushions on the sofa. But when it comes to pictures, so artwork and what we call accessories, I just kind of take the foot off the gas and just give yourself some breathing space. Because what you will find through this process is you've now gained the confidence to have a pretty good idea that you know what you like. And that's you can't overestimate that, you know, because someone's gone from thinking they've absolutely no idea from now having this kind of pride and confidence in, like, wow, look at this room, look what I've created.

37:13 So, what you will then find is you will start seeing things. You know what you were saying before that you never noticed this stuff was around, and now you know, you've kind of tuned into it. So, you'll find that when you are out and about, you know, you're or you're looking online that you'll start seeing things that resonate with you, and you then decide to make purchases because it's something you want rather than thinking, like, I've got a shelf, I better fill it. Yeah, okay. So, there's the first bit, which it is important that we get everything done at once, and then the rest of it, completely the opposite. It will feel much more natural if we piece by piece spot things and kind of grow, basically, grow into our space, yeah.

37:53 And that's what makes a family home, isn't it? Because if you've got pictures on the wall that you've bought when you went on a holiday or you've got that gorgeous photo, you know, you take this amazing photo and you think, I love that, that really encapsulates our family. I'm going to put that up. Whereas, if I've kind of forced you to go through your photos and I want you to find 10 photos right now, you wouldn't necessarily have that same resonance. Yeah, yeah, so always wait on that one. And then you're kind of you're creating a memories because each of those items in the house is something that you and your family cherish rather than because also I'm a real fan of not just purchasing things for the sake of it.

38:32 You know, you want things to have longevity, and I think it's really important. You know, we're looking at the environmental impact of what we're creating. And yes, you want a home that your kids are going to be happy with, but you know, we're teaching our children about that. And so, to just be buying stuff for the sake of it that you're potentially not going to like in a year's time, just kind of hold back. And I'd also say that with the whole process, is that there's temporary measures that you can put in place for all of these things. So, if you are finding that some of the decisions are too overwhelming, for instance, I was working with a client recently and she was really being pushed to make decisions on her curtains. And she wasn't aware that you can get temporary blinds. I don't know if you've ever used these, but you can just get temporary blackout blinds.

39:14 They're about £20 a piece off Amazon and they will last you for about three months. They just stick up, they're black on Satina, and they have little clips. I use. them myself when I moved into this place. So they just stick up and concertina up, and then that just gives you the breathing space because the room's dark. Yeah. And so, with most things, you will find there is a temporary measure that you can put in place. So, I'm not suggesting that people shouldn't get on with it. You know, it's good to get on with it and have that impetus and go for it. But at the same time, don't be pushed into making a really dispensive decision until you've just kind of taken a breath and you're sure about it.

39:54 Because you might find with some of these areas that you want expert help, you know, you might find that you want someone like me to come in and offer a short consultation, or you might want to go to a curtain maker. And if you go to a curtain maker, there's going to be a delay when they come in and show you the samples and so on. So, that you're investing in that time and there is value in that process, but it doesn't mean you have to be stuffed in the lead up to it. I guess buying things on Facebook and eBay and secondhand shops is also a people might think going around secondhand shops isn't quite the one, but Facebook and eBay, there's literally what's the other one?

40:34 Marketplace, do you mean all the kind of places where they're a free cycle and the places where people are moving their furniture on? Yeah, yeah. And again, that gives you that more that feeling that it's a piece that you really love and that you're more likely to hang on to it than necessarily just doing a mass purchase off IKEA and then wanting to replace those items later on. So, there is definitely a thought process of what do we really need right now? What could wait a couple of months and then what can we do gradually? So, get those key bits and pieces first. It's like a temporary coffee table. You need you wanted to have a coffee table in the dining room because you needed one. So, you picked one up off of Facebook or Freecycle for a tenor.

41:19 And then, when you spent 150 quid on one six months later, it's actually a coffee table that you really loved and wanted. Yeah. Okay, we're pretty good. We're getting like you're getting there. Well, you know, me a little bit, and uh, so yeah, I'm generally quite happy designing stuff, but uh, I think what I can say about myself is that being in a rented place, then there's almost like a reluctance to go for it. And then, after a while, you suddenly realize, okay, we've sat here with nothing on the wall. So, that's about a year and a half ago now. I went and bought a bunch of those picture frames where you can put lots of different photos in.

42:00 And I put a big mirror in the lounge in the middle, and then either side of those is one of these big kind of collage photos and filled them with happy memories from lots of different holidays and you know, granddad and cousins in France, cousins in America. And I think that probably goes back to what you were saying about creating those anchors for our children. They're very they were they were involved in choosing the photos, they're excited when we put them up. Um, and of course, there's just happy memories all around us, basically, as well. Yeah, and so even that's taken you a little bit of time to kind of get around to doing. I think it did to be, yeah, it did, it did.

42:42 Because sometimes it's a little bit of a process, I think, as well, especially with photos because it just brings up a lot of feelings. It brings up a lot of memories of where, well, you know, do I want photos from when they were babies, when I was with their mum? Or it, you know, it is, I wouldn't just push yourself into doing that straight away. Just let yourself be guided because, especially if it's the first home that you're making since the split, just give yourself just give yourself a little bit of space and time to accept that it's not going to be the easiest thing. So, it's getting that balance between the kind of the excitement and the fun and the embracing the challenge. And at the same time, just being a bit gentle with yourself and thinking, well, yeah, this is quite a big deal.

43:24 Yeah, I love that. Be gentle with yourself. Yeah, that's really important. Yeah, it's a big time. And I think that feeds into this idea that you just don't need to make jump into making these massive kind of decisions straight away. Just take them gradually and wait until you feel like you've got the confidence behind you. Because also, a lot of his decisions can be that we haven't really talked about the finances of things, but a sofa or a bed or what have you, they're quite expensive purchases, aren't they? So, you want to get it right. Yeah, absolutely. Bet I bought new couch. I didn't buy new because I use eBay a lot, I feel pretty confident about using eBay.

44:06 So, I just knew that ultimate, ultimately, eventually the couch that I wanted would come round because someone would be getting rid of a large L-shaped couch that was the right colour, the right size. And bizarrely, when it happened. happened, because I set the search, I saved the searches in eBay. Yeah. So, so it just ran for like six months, and so nothing came up, nothing came out. And then one came out and it was literally around the corner. It was not close enough to carry, but when I got the pretty close, yeah. When I got the man with the van, he goes, That's only around the corner. I was like, Yeah, I know, but it's too big, it's too big.

44:44 So, I guess that's that's that's different. There's a different way of saving money as well, isn't it? Is buying things secondhand man with vans type stuff rather than big removal firms. Yeah, um, the decal idea that you had. Um, where can people get those decals? How do you get how it's like I suppose it is a sticker from the wall? It's just a sticker from the wall, and I think often eBay is one of the best, or Etsy. I don't know if you're familiar with Etsy, which is much more kind of small, independent makers, craft-based, they're selling on Etsy, and you just pop your size and your colour in there, like you can get a decal for anything you could imagine.

45:22 And they're really good, simple choice. The kids can help you do it as well. So, you can choose a design that exists, or you can ask them to do your own words or things like that. Yeah, yeah, you can do your own. Yeah, you can do your own words, or you can do your child's name, and bits and pieces like this. And again, going back to Pinterest, that has really good inspiration. So, some children, you can sometimes find that children aren't sure. You kind of ask them what you want in your bedroom, and they're like, Don't know, you know. So, that can help if you show them a visual prompt. If you can think, Oh, my kids into space, for example, it's quite a good one. You can have a look at a few bedrooms on there, and then that can give them an idea. Often, children, you'll find I quite often work with kids with them when we're doing their bedrooms.

46:04 And if you show them something, they find it much easier to say, I like this or I don't like this, rather than again, you know, they've never thought about it. How do they just decide what they want in their bedroom? So, that can be too big as yeah, so often the visual stuff can really help them. Absolutely brilliant. And one final kind of kind of question or area of question, it is changing angles slightly. Couples, couples, where because you mentioned this in the beginning, sort of the counselling side of side of things, a couple that's struggling to agree on stuff, or or what I tell you.

46:42 Let me put it this way: what are some of the common mistakes that couples make when they're going into an interior design project? Not on the choices they make, but in terms of working it out together. Like, what are some of the mistakes they make, or some practical advice on couples getting through this without hating each other? I think that communication is really key. So, sometimes I'll come into a house for an initial consultation, and it appears that this couple haven't even talked to each other about what they want. So, they've not sat down and discussed it. And they're both telling me a completely different story, even to the extent that they might think they need different rooms doing.

47:24 And one thinks they're going to have a full refurb, and one just thought they were going to refresh the kitchen with some covered doors. And this is only coming out because they're talking to me and they're kind of looking at each other like they've got no idea because they haven't kind of sat down and talked it through. So, I think, in a way, you know, this, what we've just been on, this little journey, I would do that together. Like, have that as a kind of like date night thing where you kind of sit down together. Because if you might presume that you know your partner's style, but let's say you've already lived in rented accommodation, maybe you don't, maybe you haven't really got an idea of what they like and what you like.

48:04 And until you communicate and you see, you don't know where you need to compromise because you might find that you communicate and you look at your styles and you're like, Well, actually, do you know what? We kind of like the same colours, our styles are a little bit different. He likes potentially slightly more simple designs, and she might like something a little bit more intricate, but you've got a kind of you've got a common ground there potentially on your colours. But if you're not, if you don't do this exercise, you've got no idea. So, I'd say, like, communicate. I mean, it's the same with any relationship issue. Talk it through first, get the communication, get the decision-making process

48:44 together. And then from that point, if you're not agreeing on things, it's going to have to be compromised. Sometimes people will split up the rooms. So, one of the couples will one's half of the couple will be more focused on one room, and another will be more focused on another. Or potentially, they're go-to-bear strengths. So, you might sign somebody's more interested in the practical side, someone's more interested in the aesthetic side. So, you can maybe work along that way. Yeah, okay, got it. So, blimey. And talk about money as well. That's pretty key. Yeah,

49:22 how much they're going to spend? What do they, you know, oftentimes there's many kind of questions that I can ask people when they're stuck. So let's say I ask you about what budget have you got, and people will kind of scratch their head and say, oh, I don't really know. But if I was to say to you, what do you think it's reasonable to spend on a sofa? You're much more likely because, like I say, would you spend £7,000 on a sofa? And, you know, you see people straight away like, oh, no, no, no. Would you spend £3,000? Oh, yeah, I'd spend £3,000 on a sofa if it was a sofa I was going to invest in and I was going to have for a long time. So we've got a starting block there because we know if you spend £3,000 on a sofa, these are the kind of stores that we're looking at.

50:04 Now, if he will spend £3,000 on a sofa, but she won't, and she thinks that's too much, then you need to work out. Well, so what are we talking about here? Are we going to kind of be on the finances? What are we going to compromise on? So they're really key questions that you need to have kind of from the outset. And going back to the point about having fun, you can only discover these price points and questions and style things by going out and having a wander around shops and actually enjoying it. So is go shopping with no intention of buying something. Just go and have a nice day, like make it like a date, basically. Go and have a nice day out, have some lunch, and just

50:48 bob around the shops enjoying almost half taking the piss out of things that each of you likes or don't like. And, you know, for every stupid thing that you get to laugh about, there might be another couple of things that you actually agree about. And now, slowly but surely, you're starting to piece together an agreeable and agreeable style and design. Yeah, you're building a picture of what you both like and what is and isn't important to the other person. And you can do that when you're out and about anywhere. I mean, you can imagine at the moment I'm really missing being out in different environments because that's what makes me tick and I just love seeing different ideas.

51:25 So you can be in the pub and you can say, oh, do you know, I really like those tiles or wherever you might be in a market, it's and you notice that you really like the colours on the stall. And if you're not pointing that stuff out to each other, then you wouldn't necessarily have any reason to. So it's like approaching it with fun. I think so many times people can have this like dreaded experience where they think, oh, we've got to have a renovation project and it's going to be really stressful. But it's about planning and it's about organization. It's about communication. Because if you've done that in advance, then you're going to take out a lot of the stress along the route because you're not kind of you haven't procrastinated on doing this stuff.

52:07 And then when it comes up, you end up kind of disagreeing about something or potentially you have a shock when the quote comes in from the builder because you had absolutely no idea it was going to cost that kind of money. So it's about kind of looking at the outset of like, what do we like? What do we enjoy? Because ultimately, this is about making your beautiful family home. And I know I'm biased, but I think what could be nicer than like investing your time and energy on making your environment beautiful. Which goes back to the point you made at the beginning about our home being the most important place, feeling happy there. And everything you've shared today has been about either single dads, single mums creating that environment, or as we've just touched upon there, couples doing this project without ending up becoming a separated family.

52:58 And especially at the moment, what could be more important? How much time are we spending in our homes? Because unprecedented amount of time that we're spending at home. Yeah, yeah. People could be enjoying it, couldn't they? They could be looking at Pinterest and actually enjoying just even if they weren't going to spend the money next week, they could be enjoying just chit-chatting and having a laugh about we're going to sort of lounge out. Yeah, okay. And you're doing, as we wrap this up, you're doing kind of Zoom consultations with people right now because that's the way the world is working. Actually, meaning you can work with people all across the country or all across the world right now. Yeah, so Zoom or phone, you know, whatever helps with people.

53:38 I mean, obviously the visual side of things will be more Zoom. Because as we were saying earlier, it might well be that you get to the stage that you've got this all worked out, but then you need perhaps a bit of help with the online shopping or finalizing ideas. So I can really kind of input my knowledge at any stage of the project. I've got a lady, a client that I'm working with a couple at the moment. I did a renovation for them a few years ago. And they're because people are still in the middle of building works at the moment, or despite. despite being in a lockdown, and they're still buying property. So, she's just giving me a call once a week or so ever just to have a chat about managing building works.

54:21 So, any kind of consultation, whatever it is, as long as it's to do with people's homes. I love it. They can just phone me for a chat if they like. I don't mind. I've got slightly more specialist information for them. Yes, I need some cream. Can you help? So, Claire, this has been fabulous. Thanks so much for sharing. People can come look at your website. Your phone number is there and all your contact details, some of your case studies, and different work that people have put on you. So, yeah, so you're based in Worthing, Brighton, Shoreham area, but now you can actually consult with people all over.

55:03 Yeah, yeah, we do also work in like Sussex and London in any case, normally, but yeah, consultations can be all over the world. Brilliant. Well, thanks so much. I know this is going to be incredible value to some people, maybe save some relationships. The classic couple arguing their way around Ikea is bringing to mind. Hopefully, no more. Thanks, Joanne. Nice to catch up. Well, dads, that was awesome. Thanks for listening this far. You know, it is-I mean, we're all comfortable about different things, aren't we? You know, some people don't know about cooking, some people don't know about painting, decorating, fixing cars.

55:48 Like, we've all got our own strengths, yeah. And one of the things about Team Super Dad is realizing that and bringing everybody together because it's such a waste of time to sit wondering and worrying. And when there's people around us who are experts, who can guide us, who can give us tips and tricks. So, yeah, it was fun talking to Claire. I loved a bit about her story where she just obviously got qualified, but then that first thought of how am I going to get some work and sticking letters, sticking flyers through letterboxes, there is a lesson in there for us all. There has to be a first job, there has to be a first project, and the longer you put it off, the longer it takes to get started.

56:28 So, just get out there and get started. Team Super Dad, we are growing and growing. Come on over to the Facebook group and join in. That's facebook.com forward slash groups forward slash Team Super Dad. And the Hero Academy launching for the next intake in February, come and get involved over at teamsuperdad.com. There is a pre-registration list, loads of bonuses for people who get signed up early. And basically, this is it. This is your time, your time to create the life you really desire and get out of the life you feel stuck in. Once again, thanks for being here. Please share, like us, comment us, leave us a review on iTunes or Apple Podcasts as it's now known. And I look forward to seeing you on the next Team Super Dad podcast. Team Super Dad out.

57:15 This has been Team Super Dad. Find us at Team Super Dad.com. Join the program and create the best life ever for you and your children. You are not alone. You're on Team Super Dad.