Christmas for Single Dads: How to Make It Magical (Not Miserable)

00:00 Christmas for single dads. It doesn't have to be a difficult, painful time of the year in fact it can be magical! Five things that every single dad needs to know to have an awesome Christmas. Roll theme... Welcome to The Jonnie Jensen Show where modern dads discover how to create the true riches relationships and results they deserve Get your High Value Man blueprint and join our community at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go

00:36 Hello dads, men around the world. Welcome back to The Jonnie Jensen Show! It's great to have you here if it's your first time then bloody brilliant what brought you here? How did you find us I actually know the answer that because i can see from my uh from my stats where everybody comes from but especially those people who've been recommended this show by a mate credit to those guys acknowledge them thank them and welcome If you are a first time listener, in fact if you've been listening for ages and your not subscribed then make sure you blimmin well go and do that. The more subscribers we have the more the algorithm kicks in and it shares the podcast or video on YouTube wherever your

01:15 You know, wherever you're taking this on board then be sure to connect with us. So subscribe to the podcast, subscribe on YouTube and then leave a review particularly on Spotify and Apple Podcasts that's where that's possible. You do it inside the app on Spotify. You just click the three dots says Leave A Review would be mega! And of course share this with other men in your life What we are up too? We are talking about Christmas It's been on my mind. There have been a few things going on, if you follow me on the socials you'll see I've been cranking up the content part of The Super 7 Fitness Challenge putting out more content which has been part of the challenge for me in itself but this week the subject of Christmas came up for a variety of reasons primarily to do with my life, my planning for Christmas and what it's really like

02:09 And of course, in all the men's groups, dads' groups that I'm part of on Facebook or even those Men Inside The High Value Man Project. This topic has started to come up it is that time of year right and it's a struggle for men It's a struggle for all parents single parents right If you are not a single parent, then you're probably going to be thinking fast forward skip the episode. Well okay you can do that but I also promise you that there is information in here knowledge for you in here that will give you insight it'll have you see something for yourself about Christmas about this holiday season too many families have roused

02:55 And there's too much stress around it. You know, it's like that big financial splurge everybody opens presents in two seconds flat and it's just done and you wonder what the hell it was all bloody worth? Weeks of planning worrying about what present to get ordering so much pressure and bollocks that goes around it. We'll do another episode about Just enjoying Christmas, okay? And there'll be a fair amount of overlap but I generally do this every year and i've just been conscious myself of doing it with enough time for you all for it to be able to make a difference. Next up is the High Valley Man Project our new community where all our coaching programs and trainings they're all housed now inside school which is the community platform that's exploding around the world

03:45 Get yourself over to highvaluemanproject.com forward slash group that will get you in at the free level of the project there is the YouTube 2.0 program, a bunch of Basecamp tools through relationship reset, The Single Dad Guide, High Value Man, Lifestyle Checklist. A bunch of other things in there all of that is free to access and then to get the accountability and the coaching and take part in the live sessions and challenges then you want to get yourself into their inner circle into that premium level And of course any men who want to work with me one-on-one especially You know The three classics are burnout relationship struggle and men rebuilding after divorce They're very different experiences but they have a solution

04:30 It all starts with you. It's, it's all on you and it's available through the High Value Man System for Living which is our core coaching around mindset with a 3xE and then your habits and routines actually what it takes to create the life you desire and be the man you want to be which we do inside The Fire Code It's a unique proven system for midlife dads to take control of their lives, be as successful at home as they are at work and to really thrive. As the man and dad they want to be so highvaluemanproject.com forward slash group get yourself in there now then The five...the seven I thought it was going to be five i made some notes turned out it was seven thanks chat gbt The seven things that every single dad needs to know about Christmas to have an awesome time

05:18 Don't get hung up. Number one, don't get hung up on the specific dates you know the 25th 26 or 24th 25 depending on what part of the world your in. Don't let that like the significance of those dates pull you under If your relationship with your ex is still quite fraught, still a certain degree of tension and there is pressure argument frustration going on about who has them like well I want them. That's not what Christmas is about now Here's the thing about contact. Ideally, you want to have a family court or child arrangement order in the UK that states exactly what happens at Christmas no matter how well you get on. At certain points in the journey particularly first one to five years bullshit comes up now all that bullshit can be pushed to one side or as or a high percentage of it can when you've got a court provided order

06:21 If you haven't got one of those, then running into Christmas right now there's not enough time. So you might need as a high value man to take the higher road where is the wind? What's the wind that's available for me how can I go into this with as much joy and excitement as possible and the least amount of tension argument and aggravation like that negative pressure that's pushing on the side of your head let alone kicking you in the bollocks The way you do The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen Show.

07:16 So if it is all made up, then you get to pick the dates that you decide are Christmas. So if there's a big ding dong going on around I want to be at mine like being an arsehole to you and say okay do you know what? You have them Christmas, I will have them New Year. Get them back on the 28th and this is the magic of it roll into new year okay with your Christmas so this is point number two The 28th to the 21st is actually a distinct part of the Christmas festive holiday experience. There is generally parties and fun to be had on New Year, your ability to recreate Christmas Day is completely on you it's I've done it myself that's how I can speak about this. I'll come back to something I'm just thinking about there like a lot of stuff from my childhood has me able to think like this but

08:19 Being able, talking about my time with my kids after the breakup. Being able to recreate Christmas. This is one of the benefits you know people talk about like the misery of divorce and our poor children all this that might be the case there is some of that but there are benefits to it they get two birthdays, two Christmases, two holidays too like and if you as The divorce parents can eventually come together and cooperate to some degree where the kids get the best of you, and you can put all the arguments in the bullshit behind you. Then you'll see that these bonuses that these benefits for your children can be turned into very real positives and creating Christmas day completely again. This is what I used to do because I said, uh, I'm not splitting Christmas Day which is actually point number three.

09:11 Bollocks to the list, right? Because point number three is don't split Christmas day. Don't split Christmas day! You've got to think about this and there is a caveat to this many people think that my point of view on this is nonsense and they make it work the other way so really whatever works for you but listen up to my view on it if you split Christmas Day in half the person, the family that has them in the afternoon spends all morning waiting for them to arrive So their mornings are a bit crap. The other way around is even worse, because if you have them in the morning and don't have them in the afternoon then your morning woke up presents joy but there's always that thought in the back of your mind and it's there for the kids as well... Is that at lunchtime at some point during the day this part of its all going to come to an end and we've got to go off somewhere else now I didn't like that

10:09 I didn't want to do that. I made it clear from the outset that we're not splitting Christmas Day, I did it with my dad and my sister. She is technically my half-sister, but the kind of popping over on Christmas day or meeting up in a lay by at lunchtime... Why would you put yourself through that? Give the other side of the family, the opportunity to enjoy Christmas Day. And then you get to back to point number two, you get to create Christmas day all over again and in fact what I used to do because the kids are a bit old now it's not quite so relevant but what i used to do was totally recreate the whole Christmas Eve! Now

10:52 I didn't say, oh Santa's coming twice because that would be weird. But to have a laugh about it and to be like yeah let's do the Christmas... we had the Christmas Eve kind of routines and we did fireworks instead of the carrots and it was all sort of like yeah we're going to go to bed in the morning we're gonna wake up there's gonna be presents It's yours to create so splitting Christmas Day just so that each of you gets to say Oh! I had them for two hours on this sort-of made-up day It just doesn't, it's like what's the point of that when you can have all the magic? All the joy. So yeah those three points number one you can recreate Christmas Day any time you want Number two be tactical with the dates make them most of the time that you've got if you don't get to have them on Christmas day then make it like the 28th on roll into New Year's Eve and have a bloody brilliant five days and then Don't split Christmas Day is my view on

11:49 I'm A part of the coaching inside The High Value Man Project for single dads, for divorcing dads is to explain this whole concept of the rational mind messing with or in conflict with the emotional mind. And it's the emotional mind that messes with the rational side like the rational view on Christmas is can we do it on any day? We want and have just as much fun course you can that's the rational explanation then the emotional side is

12:38 Oh yeah, but I'm going to wake up on Christmas day and it's going to be terrible. And I'm going to miss them and it won't be the same. And then I haven't got a family anymore and my life is over." It's all like...it's the emotional stuff. It's like a load of grief and negativity that completely takes down the rational side of it. Not that the emotional side won't come up, you don't have to embrace it which I guess is point number four really about your mindset around Christmas You have to get control over it so that you see it as a two week or 10 day period. And there's chunks within that you can make the most of, there's chunks within it where you're going to have the kids and have a great time and there's chunks when you're going to be without the kids and it's your opportunity is your responsibility to go and have a great time now here we go then about making the most of it

13:36 If you don't have them, are you going to sit at home and be absolutely miserable and cry into a Tesco's ready... Hun-man ready made Christmas meal? That is pitiful. Don't do that! As a baseline, on Christmas Day you can go and volunteer at all number of places and actually be of value and support to people that need you. You can rock up to any church regardless of whether you've got a religion or not and be part of an active group of people experience the joy here's something for yourself that might actually make a difference have to believe in it to be there it's just about feeling the love of people being around other people

14:27 And the thing about this is, which is kind of point number six. Is that this is just one year! The Christmas that you're having this year it's not a reflection on the rest of your life. It might be a reflection on where you're at right now which in itself is the rational and emotional mind playing up against each other If you've just been through a breakup, then the reality is this Christmas is probably going to be a bit shit. It's your job to do whatever you can to get through it and make it okay. You don't sit there and be depressed for the whole period! You go and get amongst family, speak with old friends...

15:17 The idea that being around other people would be horrific and miserable. Oh, I'll be sad if I'm not around my own family! Talk to an old mate and say like bit awkward, bit tricky but i've not really got anywhere else to go Christmas day what if I could come to yours? Imagine if an old mate asked you that now don't get all hung up and take it personally if one of them or some of them say say no And if you don't feel like you've got enough mates to be able to do that right now, then you go back to my previous point about there is plenty of places. You can go and volunteer plenty of places. You can go and be amongst people. Then you have to decide that this is the baseline. This is the rock bottom If you like where from this moment forth every Christmas is going to be more like the one I want to create

16:08 You get to, if this is a bad Christmas like not the ideal and actually use it to say like what does future Christmases look like? It's a bit of the old Christmas Carol story. Is it Christmas Carol? Yes, with flipping... Come on. It's a miserable git! Ebenezer Scrooge there we go and the little fella you know the story I'm talking about and you know those characters The Ghost of Christmas Future comes to haunt you well like don't think that every Christmas is gonna be shit You get to say like right this wasn't what i wanted but this is what I'm creating next year

16:48 Okay, back to some more practical points. I think I've just covered point number seven there about having fun but going back to another practical point right and a little story from my history of Christmases is don't let money ruin your Christmas If you're going through a breakup or if it's relatively fresh, or even me I'm 10 years on from the break up and finances are really the only area of my life that I've yet to fully breakthrough. And obviously this business, The High Value Man Project, school community, one-on-one coaching It's

17:41 I'm One of the most, is it memorable? It sticks in my mind. That's for sure and I think the reason it's so front of mind around this time of year is obviously because it's a story about Christmas but it's what my dad shared probably when he was pissed probably with a few swear words not that long ago about how that Christmas actually was we would have been about 14 and 12 maybe 13 11 something like that

18:40 My dad and step-mom had split up. We were living in pretty much like I shared the council house thing, this sort of pretty run down house really! The only way you could cook stuff in the oven was to wedge a broom against the wall and the oven door and that's what kept the oven door shut. And my dad took us to a shopping mall big shopping mall called Lakeside basically couple days before Christmas might even have been Christmas Eve And we spent all afternoon there, bought a bunch of clothes. We had dinner. We basically had a laugh my dad and brother and I. We had a laugh focused quality time ho-ho-ho Christmas spirit. And I don't know what I imagine Christmas Day looked like church then Christmas lunch

19:34 And then probably some sort of movie. That's probably the basics of what happened on Christmas Day, the Christmas Eve part of it and that Lakeside story my dad shared with me a couple years ago around to divorce right? 10 years ago I've been divorced He paid for that Christmas by selling or hocking my mum's engagement ring. Basically, she died when I was nine years old so don't worry she wasn't... he didn't rip it off her finger and sell it! He'd been keeping those. He broke the ring up. I'm But at the point of when I was a kid, what I really remembered about that was we went there. We spent some money and we bought a few things. I couldn't tell you how much it was but it was really the afternoon in time that we spent together. I might have dragged that story on a little bit but the real message is that when you're going through a breakup and it's difficult for your kids, what they really want to do is be with you

20:54 So be real about it. Do what you can, buy what presents you've got and then make it special like you create the memories. Okay a bit heavy let's step it up right? The final point really because I made the case for this is just one year plan to make the next Christmas better, create that vision for your life live into your future The point number seven, the last point about single dads having an awesome Christmas is make it fun. Do what it takes to have a laugh. Do speak to old friends find out what's going on in your community where is a Santa run? Where is a cold water dip? What kind of community events are happening? What churches are open?

21:48 It's like Boxing Day we call it in the UK, what football matches are being played? Where can you go and do something to put yourself around other people. Can you visit old friends? Can you call up members of the family and start conjure something up that hasn't been done for a while? It is the complete opposite of sitting there and being bloody miserable! Too much of the emotional struggle that single dads go through is self-inflicted. And that's quite a shocking The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen Show,

22:46 When your ex is making a fuss about what days, say okay what days would work? How about this how about I have them over New Year and you get to go down some fun and i'll spend five days with them over New Year. Doesn't that sound like a great plan you know let's not split Christmas Day we're not gonna you know let money upset me and get all confused and try and borrow or get into debt and feel like the kids don't have anything. Like we're going to make it about love and fun! We're gonna build for the future We're going to talk to old friends and go and do things that make it a laugh. That is really the true spirit of Christmas, and it's the true spirit of being the dad that your kids want. Kids spell love T-I-M-E particularly if they're little okay? If they're slightly bigger you get to have the conversation with them. You get to be like right what should we do this bloody fun let's well what can we do to make this enjoyable and then you get on it

23:47 So if any of this has really triggered you or you're struggling with it, then by all means message me. Okay? You can come and join the free level of The High Value Man Project and you can start a conversation in the group. You can ask these questions there. There are hundreds if not thousands of dad groups all across Facebook and whatnot But inside the High Value Man Project, we have fixed sessions on single dad coaching. Single Dad Support and Direction. There's the Single Dad Advantage which is our program that sort of bolt onto the high value man system for living which is so many of these principles I've just shared with you here as a dad, as a man your mission is to get past this

24:30 Quick as possible, with as few mistakes possible and whilst having as much fun. When your ex looks at you and sees a crumpled mess she's either going to pity you which isn't really what you want either because that is not good for your self esteem or she is going to dip in dig the knife more because she wanted to crush you it gives her some level of joy and satisfaction to see you utterly broken so don t be that man Get excited, get committed about rebuilding. About being the best version of yourself about being the dad that your kids look up to and need so that in their future they get to tell a story about my shopping mall lakeside experience. That's the memories that you're going to give them. That's what stuck with me all these years later and that's what will stick with your kids. So men like I said

25:27 Feel free to come and ask me any questions. You can find me on LinkedIn, Facebook whatever it's Jonnie Jensen, J-O-N-N-I-E-J-E-N-S-E-N The best way though is to get yourself into highvaluemanproject.com forward slash group be part of this mission that we are living that we're creating around the world to see dads thrive, to give kids the fathers they need Get the outro lined up and all there is left to say is share this, leave a review and I'll see you next week. Let's go! Thanks for tuning in to The Jonnie Jensen Show be sure to subscribe, leave a review and share it with fellow dads creating the life you deserve starts with you get your High Value Man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvaluemanproject.com let's go