Be The Leader In Your Life Or Regret It

00:00 Being the leader in your own life. No one is making you feel useless. That is your choice. Let's be real. If you're blaming the people around you for how crap you feel, then it's time to change. It's time for you to be the leader in your life. Let's go. Where is the let's go? Let's go. Come on. Welcome to the Johnny Jensen Show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches, relationships, and results they deserve. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community at highvalumanproject.com.

00:43 Let's go. Welcome, men, to the Johnny Jensen show. What a disastrous start. But that's okay. That is proof, if you want proof, that we're doing this live, that we are, please don't say fuck or bollocks in true big brother style. But yes, we are live. It's great to have you here. Friday is our live streaming recording day. And yes, it is here. We are coming to you live from the sunny UK, wherever you are, however you came here. It is my absolute pleasure to welcome you. I am the head coach and the founder at the High Value Man Project. We are equipping modern dads to create the life they desire instead of one that they feel stuck in.

01:26 Taking full responsibility to be in control, leading a life full of vision, we call it clarity, full of courage and commitment, the daily habits and routines required to actually create the results that you desire. We're going to talk a lot about that today, but in any way interested in what we're up to, if you've been listening and watching for a while, then get yourself over to the highvalumanproject.com forward slash group. That'll put you into the base camp. That is an entry-level program and process. There's a whole bunch of tools in there for single dads, for men that feel that they're lacking direction. There's the relationship reset for people that relationship is struggling.

02:10 And clearly, there is everything we're doing on the positive side of the 3XC formula for living and the fire code so that you can actually level up and start to create the life that you desire. The secrets of success are not really that secret. It's just that most of us don't know what to do or just aren't doing what it takes to make it happen. So get yourself involved over at the highvalue manproject.com forward slash group. That's that. Welcome. I seriously balls up the intro. Do you know what happened? Okay, yeah, some level of piss poor preparation, but equally, it is half-term school holidays. I'm rushing around like a nutter. I was hanging out washing half an hour ago, which should have been enough time.

02:54 But then when I sat down to go live, StreamYard said, oh, can we please reconnect to Facebook? And then I plugged the phone in to be the camera and Camo said, can we please open up the iTunes to make it... Can we please? Everybody's asking me stuff. Kids are off to the cinema. I've had friends over, sleepovers, mess. Oh, my gosh. Arguments about whose mess it is. And, you know, when two people say it's not my mess, and I've been out at meetings and networking and doing workshops with people, I know it's not my mess.

03:33 So, but there we go. That's the magic of being a parent. You will have heard it all before, I dare say. If your kids are little, then you've got it all to come. How you take it on the chin, though, is what matters. And this is what we're all about at the High Value Man Project. Too many men are fannying around living a small life. And that's not necessarily a reflection on what you've created. It's a reflection on what you're experiencing. You can be immensely successful and still be having a small life. You can be flipping penniless and be having an incredible life. That's the flip side of it. Some people dance in the rain. Other people run and cover, you know, look for cover.

04:14 That's on you. And that's really what today's episode is about. If you are enjoying the Johnny Jensen show, then make sure you leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. There'll be links in all the podcast show notes to do that. I must keep putting it in the live stream to actually make that happen as well. But yeah, just go and search up Johnny Jensen Show on either of those two and you can leave a review. Of course, share this, share this, keep sharing it, share it, share it. Let's increase the reach and grow the audience of this and the work that we're doing in the High Value Man Project.

04:54 There are so many groups on Facebook, let alone anywhere else. else, of men who are going through a tough time. And it doesn't have to be that way. In fact, it can't be that way. One of the biggest problems that we face in the world right now is the level of satisfaction and confidence and self-worth and momentum and success experienced by men across the board. And even men that proclaim to be happy, like, yeah, everything's fine. I take a look at their lifestyle and they give a sort of score in my own mind of how their relationship is looking, how their body is looking,

05:38 how they're looking physically, you know, in terms of their hair and face and, you know, and clothes. And it just occurs to me, like, not that those, what's the word? What's the word? When you're holding something so it's real and you can measure your life by all the things that you've got. Someone drop it in the comments, let me know. But materialistic, there we go, materialistic. Not that life has to be all materialistic. But when you show up as a man that is totally leading in his life, then the people around you are inspired, are drawn towards you, are collectively excited.

06:20 And the complete opposite is true when there is no enthusiasm, there's no vision, there's no showing up and lighting up a room. There's no energy about what you do. You look crap. You sound like you've got nothing exciting to say. You've grown some beard that your missus hates and tells her tough. Like, I don't know what it's going to take, but I hope that the people, the men listening to this right now, are asking themselves these kind of questions. What's it going to do? What's it going to take to go to the next level to create the experience that I truly believe I desire and deserve? One guy, and I'm not going to name him, of course, because I think he posted anonymously.

07:03 That's another subject, isn't it? Facebook groups. How many people post anonymously? I don't get it. Post after post, anonymous. This is a deeply, you know, important thing that I couldn't possibly let anybody know who I am. And then it's some sort of minor thing. How do I fix my lawmother? Anonymous. Okay, cool. But this guy, he was, he started off by saying that the expectations that he feels the people around him have on him are unfair. That he's being judged by his dad's abilities to fix things, to do things, to be, you know, good at manual labor or dexterous, you know, talking about DIY as one of the things.

07:49 And he was saying, it's not fair on them to make me feel guilty. And then I feel depressed and flat because of that. Well, I couldn't stop myself, obviously, it's the nature of what I'm commenting on and adding to these groups to say, hang on a minute, mate, nobody makes you feel guilty. You might not like what they say, but even then, what is it that you don't like about what they say? And we'll come on to whether someone can make you feel depressed or deflated in a moment. But the idea that someone can make you feel guilty because of something you're not very good at, well, that's not taking a level of responsibility that's required.

08:33 Because if you don't care about being able to do DIY, like who I'm all right at DIY, I can hammer something in, I could put a picture up, I can, but then when it comes to putting IKEA things together, generally I'll put it together, get to the last page, realize I've done something wrong and have to go all the way back. You know, I don't like it, of course. But if you can't afford to pay someone and you're not very good at it, then fundamentally you're left sat there going, well, I'm shit because I don't know how to do it. And I'm shit because I can't afford to pay someone else. That is a recognition of where you are at.

09:09 It's not a recognition. Oh, and by the way, and if you've got no mates who you can call upon to say, hey, you know, I'm really good at flipping maths and computers and you're really good at building stuff. Any chance you can, you know, like I helped you last week, any chance you can help come around and help me put this thing together or fix this thing that's leaking. So they're the three levels. You haven't got any money, you don't know how to do things and you haven't got any mates to help you, you put it together. You're going to feel shit about yourself. It's not about what the people around you think, because first and foremost, we want as ourselves to feel like the kind of man that's got everything handled.

09:50 When the people around you see you consistently not having things handled. handled, the idea that you know what they're thinking is part of where this guilt or what other negative word you might have comes from. But it's not actually that they're judging you badly. If you feel they are, ask them. What's probably in front of that is a concern, particularly if it's someone that cares about you and loves you. If you're not showing up, if you're not making the money, if you're not socializing and got people around you to love and support you and have fun with, if you can't do basic stuff,

10:31 then people are going to lose faith. There's going to be a level of concern. And in particular, if it's your wife, she will be feeling unnerved, uncertain, insecure in your lack of strength, in your lack of showing up for yourself and her and the family in the world. So then the relationship starts to struggle or relationships become strained, particularly if you then snap back, oh, don't judge me like that. Don't tell me how I should be. Don't tell me. It's this level of awareness and responsibility that shapes everything.

11:08 It's recognizing that how we feel is generally driven not by other people, but how we're measuring ourselves on the expectation that we had for our lives. And as for feeling depressed, as of feeling unhappy, oh, they make me feel this way. No one makes you feel that way. You are choosing how to respond to their words, to their body language, to their energy. You are choosing. If someone you didn't care about thought something like that about you, would you give a toss? I would hope not, because why would anyone want to really care about what people they don't even know think about them? That's ludicrous. It's a complete waste of energy.

11:52 So fundamentally, this does boil back down to how you see yourself, how you want to create your life, and how close or far away to that you feel. Because when you feel far away from it or when you feel like it's drifting further away, it will create friction. It will create turbulence. So number one, clarity. You've got to have a vision and purpose, a direction that you're heading towards. Fulfillment, as you would have heard me say before, comes from two things. One is knowing where you're headed. And number two is knowing that you're working towards it. Without that clear direction in your life, you are literally drifting. If you've got a sense that there's something you can't do and you don't know what to do about it, then you've got two choices.

12:36 If it matters enough, you either one, get out there and learn how to bloody do it, or two, get out there and work out how to have pay someone or enroll someone to come and do it for you. That is true power, basically. And not like power that you're wielding over someone, but influence. It's influence. So what kind of a picture do you have for yourself and your life? What kind of gaps are there? These sort of insecurities or uncertainties. You've got to address them and get real about them. They either matter, in which case you're going to do something about it, or they're not going to matter, in which case, who gives a toss what other people think.

13:18 That's clarity. That's having a clear sense of purpose about who you are and the direction that you're going in. Then, of course, is the blaming thing. This falls into courage inside the High Value Man project, and in particular around letting go. You can't go around being upset and annoyed and fed up with the people in your life. It's ridiculous. You'd either have a conversation with them about how they're feeling or what you feel they're feeling and get it cleared up. But actually ask them the questions. Why do you ask me that? I'm not so sure I really like it when you tell me that I'm shit at things.

13:59 What would you prefer that I was able to do? And if I don't like doing those things, how would you, you know, let's talk about how we're going to, how we're going to fix those. That is having the courage to talk to that person, to address that subject. Because when you don't have the courage to do that, and you just kind of take it on the chin and drift away like, oh, they don't like me. Oh, what am I going to do about it? Oh, poor me. That's not leading in your life. That's not showing up as the man that you want to be. It's literally a punch in the bollocks. And then rather than going, ow, why did you do that? You go, oh, oh, dear, and skulk away backwards into the background.

14:40 And that's not about weak, broken men either. Men do this in their relationships. They feel that there's something going on that they. can't have an influence or a say in. So they take the punch in the bollocks. They don't say what they really want to say and they withdraw, but hold on to the upset. This kind of resentment and frustration, that's inside of a relationship, whether it's with your dad who you think, judging you about not doing DIY, or whether it's in your relationship with your wife who thinks that you don't help out enough. It's on you to address the conversations, to bring up the subjects, to bring it to a level in a masculine, confident leadership way that enables you to say, I don't really like how this is going.

15:24 I'd like to make it better. What can I do that would work for you? Here's what I think I can do for us. That's how you get a positive response over someone. If you're just passively going through life, waiting for things to change, hoping that someone else is going to see things in a different way, but not actually saying anything about it, then you're an idiot. You're an absolute idiot. You literally sat there on the Titanic, waiting for someone to come along, fix the hole, and let the boat sail away into the sunset without going down, however many miles it went down. Can you see that? Can you get it? It's that lack of courage

16:06 that has men fall into a shell of themselves, has them withdraw, has them end up in a downward trajectory. Because when you feel bad, when you don't feel loved and supported, when you feel like you can't do anything, when you feel that none of it's getting better, then the negative energy in there is like a whirlpool. Everything else gets sucked in. Try showing up at work and being an impressive salesperson or a leader when you feel like crap everywhere else in your life. It's a sham, a charade. You can't be confident in one area and completely impotent in another.

16:49 They naturally impact on each other. So the only way to do it is to create an upward trajectory and start to move things away from this negative way that you are choosing yourself to feel. And that's commitment. It's the third C in the high value man 3XC formula for living. Commitment is doing what it takes to move forward. You know, I just wrote another post, read another post today. This guy was talking about being a single dad, about how he taken his daughter to swimming and how he could see all these other families there and he was feeling completely shit about himself.

17:29 Quite honestly, that is a common thing. Most men who are going through divorce will look at other families and feel like, oh, what am I going to do? They'll never be the same. So I have empathy. In fact, I have empathy with all men because most of us have felt this way. I had to work on myself to learn what I've learned to be able to be here for you today. So I've been on that journey myself. I say this from a place of knowledge and experience, not from a high tower preaching down with no understanding of where you're at. But this dad was saying, I can't wait to feel empowered instead of heartbroken.

18:07 Now, good that he can see a place in his future where he wants to get to, but feeling empowered is a choice. You might not feel a 10 out of 10 on the day, day one or right here now where you are. But to feel empowered, even if you're a one out of 10, looking around you, taking the positives, feeling like this is the start of a new chapter. This is day one. I look at those people over there. That's what I'm creating for my future. I look at my daughter here. How incredible. That's who I am for her. This is better than being in a broken relationship.

18:44 I'm a better man, even though it hurts right now. I'm a better man for her. I'm a better dad for her with this new chapter opening up in front of me, available to create whatever I want. Let's get after it. That's the kind of commitment that you take where you committed to a new chapter, a new page, a better way forward. It's getting up day after day and doing the little things that build the growth that you desire. Because that is what leading in your life is like. Going back to the other story and the guy with the DIY thing, like, honestly, you either learn the skill, make more money to pay someone, or get out there and socialize and build connections with people you can help, people who can help you.

19:31 If you had either of those three things, you wouldn't be feeling crap at all. You'd be like, whoa, chuck some money at it. Whoa, guess what I learned today? Or whoa, my mate Steve's coming around. The only way you feel shit is if you can't do. do anything about it. And if you can't do anything about it, then it's like, okay, here's what we're going to do. Here's how we're going to build. And so I don't feel like this next month when this problem, when this challenge comes up. And it's not quick. It's not instant. There's nothing about momentum that, you know, has it be really quick out the blocks. Everything has to build up over time. Even a flipping space rocket like standing on the launch pad.

20:17 What it took to get there was a lot of man hours and sweat and determination and commitment when things went wrong to starting again and looking at it from a fresh perspective. The biggest failure you can make is blaming others or waiting for something to change so that you can stop feeling the way that you're feeling. Being the leader in your life, taking this on as an opportunity, looking at where the gaps are, is all that we have available to us. And too many men are not willing to see what needs to be done.

20:59 We'll drink too much, we'll stay up too late, we'll watch crap on TV for too long, we'll play something on the Game Boy, we'll smoke weed, take a cheeky line, gamble, watch porn, drink Red Bull, like so much, even you could say good healthy stuff, people who've got hobbies and they go to the gym or they go fishing or they like if you're doing that, like way more than is really warranted, given the other gaps that are available, then you're actually using that thing that feels nice as a distraction. That's not commitment, that is avoidance. So when you break it down like this, and people say, oh, yeah, but, well, okay, give me that, yeah, but well, yeah, but she, this, or yeah, but they, that, or yeah, but you don't understand.

21:47 Okay, but how did they get to that point? What are they thinking? And what did you do that led to that? Because ultimately, when you take responsibility, you can keep going back until you find the place where actually, yes, this is on me. This is on me to make a change, to lead in my life and create something new. Not as a pressure or as an expectation, not as something heavy and hard, but as a wonderful opportunity for this time that you've got left on this rock, for this role that you have as a dad and as a husband and as a friend and brother and son,

22:31 for you to say, what is the outcome I want? What do I need to let go of to make it happen? And what are the day-to-day actions, habits, and routines that I'm going to take that's going to pull it towards me? Because when someone turns around to you and says, well, yeah, but what are you doing? You can then, instead of feeling awkward and uncomfortable about it, you can say, well, actually, it's a bloody good story, actually. This is what I'm up to. And it's fucking cool. And it's not like, I'm not there yet, but it's building in the right direction. I met this person. I learned this thing. I'm going to Los Angeles to a conference. I've been networking.

23:08 I've been do 35 press-ups now. I just ran 28 minutes, 5K, and six weeks ago, I couldn't even do, couldn't even finish. Me and my wife haven't had sex for 18 months. Last weekend, we went out for dinner. We spent the weekend away. It was wonderful, incredible. She hugged, we held hands, and our sex life is back. Like, that's the level of responsibility and commitment that you get to have in your life. And it's all there is because the world is too full right now of men that aren't showing up like that.