The Holiday Pressure Trap

00:00 The pressure to have an amazing holiday can actually be the thing that ruins it. And when holidays are things you save up for and look forward to, then that's just madness. Roll theme! Welcome to The Jonnie Jensen Show where modern dads discover how to create the true riches relationships and results they deserve Get your High Value Man blueprint and join our community at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go Amen.

00:35 I am back. Yes, I've been on holiday vacation for all our stateside listeners. My name's Jonnie Jensen and I'm the head coach and founder at The High Value Man Project and this is The Jonnie Jensen Show. Welcome to our regular listeners subscribers and everyone new or people who aren't subscribed then it's great to have you here please go and subscribe to the podcast right now right at the top of this show before we do anything make sure that you are And Have I always had good holidays? I think since i've been single, I basically have. And that in itself is one of the pressures... One of the challenges that I felt this episode was important to cover. You know we're it's summer right now about a glorious summer and people can go away for all kinds of destinations or kinds of lengths of time all kinds of experiences getting it right is key

01:52 And putting too much pressure on it is a mistake that men can often make, right? And when we make mistakes particularly in our families and our relationships this trip sometimes depending on your finances. It can be the thing that you've worked hard for like or most of us And And

02:47 You know, in my own experience having rows with my ex-wife on a holiday. Having a row with a girlfriend on a holiday and it's like it's embarrassing to be quite honest looking back on that and thinking could I have done that different? Did it really matter what was the impact of me being like that? And anger in itself if you listen to any of the episodes on anger Anger is something, or frustration and anger is something that is about us. The pressure the expectation the frustration it's something within us that comes out in a moment we have to be responsible for the thing we have to be responsible for seeing what is that underlying

03:35 I'm not here to preach about it. Like I said, I've got it wrong in the past But I do want to share some of the holiday that we just had. And, I don't know...I used to riff quite a lot with the podcasts and today's episode is probably one of those. I've put some little section headers to see how we get on but more than anything i just wanted to share our holiday really and share my approach to having good times which guess what no surprise? I learnt them off my family! Having

04:24 I've had incredible trips, holidays with my dad and that was something he always did well. My dad likes a holiday throwing money at it going away and having a good time but in my family Chicago you know those road trips when we went on competition with the Chicago Junior Guards and like what it is to have 10 days away with a whole bunch of people and the experiences you can share and the fun that you can have The High Value Man Project is a community, it's a collective. We're

05:08 Predominantly midlife dads, men who are wanting to create the life that we desire as successful and happy at home as we are work. And being that kind of man leading in your own life being the man and dad you want to be take something it takes a higher level of values and understanding or willingness to have and to be do and have more And when you can see life like that, when you can master your relationships like that. When you can show up for people yourself first and foremost but then others in that way... Life gets better! It's the opposite of what normal people normally do and that's why it's so beautiful, so simple. It's not something you have to study or hustle or tip your life upside down. It is something you become and when you've understood

06:00 The 3XC formula and the FHIR code, and you're applying it on a day-to-day basis. You get to experience life as it should be! If that sounds interesting to you go and get your High Value Man Lifestyle Score. It takes a couple of minutes...you get a completely personalized response back based on your answers and you'll find out about how So, holidays. You know I'm a single dad and I'm in an incredible long-term relationship but I have my kids still right? Couldn't get rid of them of course not truth is I fought tooth and nail to have my time with them but that does bring some financial challenges you know the business high value man project is growing and it's successful but it's not quite where I want or need it to be so finances

06:55 I've done the newspaper, Sun holiday vouchers. We've been to a caravan park, you know we've had all ends of the holiday spectrum and You can and should have just as much fun wherever you are, whatever you're doing. Now of course it does depend slightly depending on the age your kids but I think not only do i think but I know personally I know it and I believe that you can have it too we create it as an attitude within our family of embracing where were at having a laugh taking all in our stride

07:43 So letting it be easy is really what I'm getting at there. You know, getting... and this is a dad that I know he likes to have his holidays infinitely planned out like months before he's gone He's telling me, I've booked this we're doing this excursion, we're hiking up this hill We're doing this and I'm going seriously dude That's a lot of planning you know are you gonna be able to relax? Are you gonna just chill So I guess there's a part of it where you, you know, you pick the flavor that works for you. But does it work for all of your family? Do the kids want to have that much stuff lined up? Does your missus like... And even for yourself if you're 100 mile an hour kind of guy what is it like to simply switch off? You know, to leave some

08:31 And Over and over again, I've heard holidays become a pinch point. Like around finances everything ends up being more than it should have been. It's gone on the credit cards you use the holiday as a reason to really fix the marriage like we're going to go everything will be alright We're gonna go away. We're gonna have a good time Everything will be fine like just so soon as we get on holiday everything'll be fine

09:13 And you throw a load of money at it and what you come back really is with sunburn, credit card bill and things sort of worse than when you left. Maybe still the same maybe the same but for some people even worse because the whole experience was you being confronted with all the things that each other does that does your head in right? It can't be that way If you're approaching a holiday and there's been some frustration and tensions in your relationship, then it's important that you address that before you go. Even if you just call timeout, like a truce the ability to say I know things are a bit tough but can we just park all that? Can we just really focus on

10:02 What we do best, you know the reasons we like having fun together. The reasons we fell in love like let's not be frustrated about all the little things that we've got going on and it might be before you go that there is an opportunity to say look if there is something you need me to know before we go If theres something that you'd like to ask of me before we go then lets get out there right now And I know, you can't use that as a reason to dump a load of crap on her. But hopefully it opens up a space where you can say right we're not going to do this and we're just gonna put a lid on that for the time that we've been away. I guess in no particular order because this is the order that iIve done it in okay? Next up for me

10:45 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, HVM Scorecard, highvaluemanproject.com My brother lives there and in the summer they go to his wife's family in Cyprus. So that leaves the house empty, it has got a pool, it has got hot tub, the view is incredible like the whole thing is perfect which also means its relatively affordable so he can say to her friends would you like to come? And if you can find a way for your kids take a friend

11:39 Oh my gosh. If you think, oh why would I want to have more kids with me? It's literally the opposite of that. They entertain themselves. They keep each other occupied and if they're old enough or you're lucky enough they'll even help out so you've got more hands to do the washing up, to do the cooking if you know a home where yourself catering It's a game changer, quite honestly. My kids and I are very close. One of the things people fear is the drive down there but actually the drive down for me is always pleasurable. It's about an eight hour drive down, ten hours with a couple of stops and

12:24 I mean, I love driving. Especially in Europe like driving in England or driving is awful! That's a whole episode in itself probably one to do with Glenn on the wrap up but you know on the in Europe it's just there's like these I And because there's music now and podcasts, gone are the days of trying to find a mixtape that someone's... That has been copied 26 times and is hissing in the background. Even CDs! You remember the times of having like a box or booklet thing with 30 CDs in? No you just put your phone up hit Spotify or whatever and choose whatever music you want. Bloody brilliant Mixcloud SoundCloud so

13:38 The drive down is pleasurable and being able to joke and banter with my kids, and their friends is gold. You know? So again it's about letting it be easy setting the tone in the intention to having a good laugh cooking you know food of course all inclusive bloody brilliant but when I am away and I am cooking I keep it simple Pretty much we ate, we did homemade burgers. We did chicken sort of like kebab type stuff you know just loads of veg loads of chicken all grilled up on the barbecue or whatever and then just let it be easy I hear when people go self catering and they talk about oh bloody cooking but no its like eat together make meals moments

14:38 Make, create conversation. Put rules soft rules if you like but rules in place around phones at the table just have food and meals be real quality time for you and your family it's very hard and I've said this before in many other ways is very hard If you've never done this, if you didn't have conversation between you and your kids as a core element of your family brand when they were little. You can't get to teenage years and suddenly expect them to start talking to you because if it's not an ingrained habit, if is not part of how your family rolls then they ain't gonna suddenly start doing when they're teenagers that's for sure so that is to a degree on you

15:26 And if you find yourself in that situation, then you're going to have to call it out. You're gonna have interventions like you can have to create moments like at dinner where he said no we're not doing phones at the table nothing crucifies me more breaks my heart if that's a more appropriate expression than your sat there or hotel some sort of restaurant or whatever and look across the way and there is family I'm And like a complete reverse of that on holiday is, you know just let it flow. My kids yeah for sure at some points were probably on their phone more than they needed to be and at some points my boy and his mate were indoors playing Xbox when it was 90 degrees 30 degrees Celsius outside do you know what though? They're happy! And me I'm sat in the sun drinking a beer

16:50 Having a laugh, watching something reading something like looking at the view. You know you there's very little to be gained in telling people what they should be doing and I do hear this commonly now about family holidays that were ruined because whichever kid all they wanted to do was go in their room and be on their phone. I do think that's a problem! I don't think it's outrageous problem But did it start on holiday? You know, really where did you lose that battle. So have a look at what you can create. Can you play cards? Can you go to a local bar and listen to some music? Can you go and sit on a different beach? Can you look at what entertainment is coming up around the town? What can you do to put your family in a situation where you're going to go out and do something

17:44 And then the other part, the complete opposite of that is if they're happy just let them be. Okay? Somewhere in the middle with a magic balance there Next up! The stuff you didn't do That is very easy and we're talking the kind of about fitness here, but it is also about work and like how much of your time on holiday has to be given to relaxing. Is there certain things that you really shouldn't let go? And your food and diet and fitness is probably one of them. You know for me, you know, you know fitnesses is core to who I am and what I do. And I believe it's core to who we are inside The High Value Man Project

18:25 So going for a run, doing a couple of workouts. That's not the same as doing it every day but it was beautiful! Going for 10k run along the lakefront absolutely mega jumping on some bikes and going for a bike ride even doing a workout you know the view out my brothers garage which is the gym is incredible now why wouldn't want to do that just because your on holiday If you've got habits and routines that lift you up, that are part of your identity that make you feel better then keep them up. It says something about you when you've got standards that when something's important to you that you keep them up

19:10 I'm going to have to sort this out in the edit, but in case I haven't been able to. Yes my son has just managed to call me again and I've no idea how! I think it's when you have them on like on your SOS list literally bypasses everything Thank You Apple for thinking of our safety The people Joe my girlfriend came out for five days in the middle of the holiday which is absolutely bloody brilliant now she went away on her own vacation And yes, it would be lovely to go and have holidays away together. As much as she's incredible with my kids and they love her, she loves them like she doesn't need 10 days with my kids so you know it's like this point is about making it work for her to fly out me drive to Geneva pick her up and us to have five days together in the middle of the trip was bloody brilliant! In many ways it's like the only option

20:07 But then you make it an incredible option. You make it brilliant and just be having quality time together, you know? Her being part of all the things that I've just mentioned but then also her and I going off and doing things together on our own when your kids are teenagers that's infinitely possible but if you're married... If you're on holiday together for the whole time It's important for you to try and carve out moments that are just yours and hers You know, if you've gone on holiday with friends that's great. If you haven't and the kids aren't old enough for you to go out in the evening on your own then what kind of... do they have a kids club during the day? Like what can you do to enable you and your wife

20:58 To go and have a little bit of quality time together during your holiday. You know, quality time is...quality time and date night is one of the measures inside our accountability tool which we call The Fire Code. And it's absolutely essential that people you love understand and know that dedicated quality time with them one-on-one is important to you That's for them is a measure of how, like I've just said it. How important they are to you and when someone feels that you're their world or you create moments where they are your world in amongst all the other people that you have to be responsible for that time they're your world then the reward is gold as men we get to make those choices We get to lead in that was talking with one of the guys The other day while relatively new guy I'm working with

21:55 And he organized date night for him and his wife, and she burst into tears. I mean it's tragic and hilarious at the same time but like... It wasn't that he didn't love her, just been left to her. He'd been so busy that he left it all to her! So don't do that. Don't leave it all to her be the leader in your relationship create a space for magic You know, leading onto that and you know again it's about the point of the family arguments. About having arguments is just don't do it! We have in our ability as men right? Well all of us humans do but in particular we're talking to men here today... If you're going to be frustrated fine but don't take it out on other people work it out what was it what would you need to let go off Do you need to go and have a chill for 10 minutes or do you need to enjoy a nice walk somewhere Don't let arguments fester and spoil the holiday

22:52 And then, of course most importantly is about the laughter and having fun. A way you can access that powerfully when you're on holiday is really taking moments to sit back like step back like in The Matrix where he separates out time when we know like a helicopter shot literally catch yourself Catch the moment and step back virtually from the scene, and look at it from a different angle. See yourself and your family laughing and joking. See the rewards of your hard work and the ability for you to take them on holiday. Notice the view! Smell the flipping French bakery as you go in there and see all the incredible bread that they do every single day somehow

23:47 Two thirds of the population goes and buys their bread fresh. Like soak that up, try the random crap on the menu or the beer that you don't normally order. We were at a music event at The Bar by The Beach every Sunday is live music and people were dancing not many people but people were dancing and this one woman she was kind of dancing as she was calling her husband over now they didn't have any kids it's just him and him and her And he didn't go and dance with her. And I'm like, dude you're going to get the reward for dancing now later and equally you're gonna get shit for not dancing now later so if i was you given that the sun is beautiful this evening when your wife is having a good time and dancing you need to get up on the dance floor and just embrace the moment

24:46 Because that's how moments are turned into something precious. And it is precious moments that turn into memories when you're looking back at the end of the holiday and, and you've been conscious about like capturing these moments in your own mind, that energy, that attention to detail rubs off on the people around you grabbing your kids and giving them a hug and like hope you having a good time? Like Doing the same to your missus and telling her you love her and telling you appreciate her. And thanks for this, like for us, but the chance for us to be away together on this great holiday when that's who you are to the people around you, You'll get the reward back because they'll feel, they'll feel the peace you've created. They'll feel the energy you've created. They'll feel the attention to detail everything we've talked about in this episode. They will feel

25:42 So no, it's not just about going away on holiday letting her sort out all the food making a million and one plans that you've got to stick to because so you're on an itinerary. It's not about how much money you spend or how amazing the place that you are visiting is it's about creating memories. It's about being the present and available father husband man that the people you love want and need So I'd love to know what your kind of holiday tips and tricks are, hacks for having a great time. If some of this has sounded bloody obvious then tough you know and great at the same time! You probably haven't listened to the end if this is already what you do but other people struggle to get through a holiday without it turning into a drama and i don't want that for you that's not the high value man way

26:35 If you think this is a value, then please go and give us a review. I need to crank up the reviews on Spotify. You literally hit the three dots rate this podcast. Apple has to be done on mobile. Share this with other men in your life have this be the difference to their holiday and go get your highvalue man score It's the pathway into The High Value Man Project, into the work that we do into creating the life that you desire. highvaluemanproject.com forward slash score is how you get there and I look forward to seeing what number comes up for you and your opportunity for us to talk together. Let's go! Thanks for tuning in to The Jonnie Jensen Show be sure to subscribe leave a review and share it with fellow dads

27:22 Creating the life you deserve starts with you. Get your High Value Man Blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go!