Finding Your Purpose - 4 Steps To Reconnecting With The Man You Want To Be

00:00 Last week I said men don't have a mental health problem, we have a purpose crisis. And today we're gonna go through the steps of what you can do to address it. Roll theme! Welcome to The Jonnie Jensen Show where modern dads discover how to create the true riches relationships and results they deserve Get your High Value Man blueprint and join our community at highvaluemanproject.com Let's Go Hello men, welcome back to the Jonnie Jensen Show. I am your host and the founder head coach at The High Value Man Project. Great to have you back! If you haven't subscribed yet to the podcast or to the YouTube channel then make sure you do ahead of today's episode. Make sure you subscribe leave us a review share this with other men in your life... Men who need to

00:59 I'd just take control of themselves and their life so that they live, so they create the life they desire. Not one that they feel stuck in you know we as men need to really thrive what the world needs more than ever is men thriving. Men leading in their work, in their family, in their social circle for themselves holding themselves to account having the pride and confidence to hold other people to account It's not about being something you're not, like oh I'm going to force you to be strong. I'm gonna force you to be a leader. No it's about being that man and dad that you actually want to be so that when you are

01:37 In the mirror, when you are in conversation with your wife or your kids that you are able to do that with the presence and charisma and the confidence that you desire. Not leaving yourself feeling some sort of oh that was a bit shit or I haven't got a voice or she took my bollocks away ages ago this is about men thriving and that's what The High Value Man Project is all about That is what we are here to do in the world And if you listened to last week's episode, well this is a bit of a follow on. In fact it is literally a follow on from that. Can you listen to this without listening to that? Absolutely, you can because we're talking about purpose. We're talking about the steps that you can take to identify, to create a purpose your purpose, a reason to get excited about not just life like oh let's get excited about life right now sounds a bit wank doesn't it but this is literally about you feeling energized, about you having passion and joy in your life

04:11 Quite honestly, that purpose was about having fun. It was literally about having fun but nonetheless that was a purpose, that was a vision, that was why like why am I doing this? Because i'm having a load of fun! At that point when I went off to uni and made loads of mates and it was early 90's and we were clubbing and raving and just mucking about until the nth degree Suddenly I didn't need a vision. I didn't need a purpose because my life was so rich with friendships and joy, there was no stress or worries you know literally if I didn't have any money well we either borrowed it off of me or as it was for me I just went and got some random job making teas at antique like

04:58 Showgroundplace, doing silver service at a catering thing. And then the longest job I had at uni was delivering pizzas for a company that had a car with a massive red phone on the roof. Hilarious! So in a way there was a purpose there. The purpose was have fun and it was being served. The reason why You know, that time of life for men you know early to mid-20s it's as easy to be fair as when we were little kids. What do you want to be? I want to be an astronaut or a fireman and I want to be a footballer. I want to be a teacher there was no question of how much money did that pay or was it even realistic you know you just in your mind you're a little kid and you'd seen whatever you've seen or heard whatever you heard like that's what I wanna

05:51 I would like to think for as many of us as possible, particularly guys that are doing okay. And this is maybe a reflection on young men who are struggling with knowing what to do and where to go comes back to not having a purpose. But when I was early twenties it was just yeah! Where could we go? What can we take on? What's possible? Can I make some money? Can I have some fun? Can I make friends? Can I fall in love? Can I get married? Can I buy a house? Can I have some kids? There is a clear distinct vision And actually when I left uni and me and my two best mates, we went down to a completely different city in the UK called Southampton simply because one of us needed to finish up his degree. And they offered him a place at Southampton and we went with him just to keep the dream alive quite frankly like why else would I not want to do like hang out with you too and have a laugh? But the problem was with that

06:45 The Jonnie Jensen Show, High Value Man Project, 3XC Formula, High Value Man Project, 3XC Formula, High Value Man Project, 3XC Formula, High Value Man Project, 3XC Formula, High Value Man Project. I felt like I wanted to be in London. I felt like I wanted to work in a marketing agency, I felt like I had to be in a different place and so that new purpose kicked in the vision was created and all the energy that I was missing in Southampton all the joy for life came back and it didn't happen instantly like click your fingers but within about nine months I got that job in London

09:21 It's not just about what you want, like a goal. Like oh yeah I want more money! I wanna see Niagara Falls...I don't know there are probably some better things to go and see if you've ever been there it's impressive it's just the stuff around is not that great but it's so much more than that it's about you and your values it's about your strengths your weaknesses your passions even did I say weaknesses there? But yes so it's not just about all the things you're good at it's about things you don't like doing so you avoid those things And it's about having a why. You know, Nietzsche, Viktor Frankl borrowed it in his book Man's Search for Meaning – A man with a clear enough why can withstand any challenge but when you put all of that aside for so long to focus on your work, to focus on your wife, to focus on your family and make sure there is enough money to put yourself last...you suddenly find yourself lost!

10:12 And that is a real simple metaphor. Is it metaphors or analogy? A metaphor is something like something else, I think thats a metaphor. Analogy is an example of a story of comparison there. I better talk to Mrs Harris my old English teacher and find that out but this is the clarity part of the 3XC Formula Number one Getting clear about what's working in your life and what's not working in your life. Men have a huge tendency to focus on what's not working, and it comes out of survival instinct really. It's an awareness of the things that aren't going well which if you're talking about somethings about to eat you or you're about And

11:18 We get preoccupied with them and focus on them. It seems like that's all we ever experience, it's all we ever put up with. We become overly sensitive to the little things she does or the kids room being messy or the so-and-so pot not being put back away and so we react to it. So we're turning into a bit of a miserable git but we're miserable gits because we've focused on all the things that we don't like, that we don't want, that we want less of or we want none at all of The trick there is to get way more interested in what's working, the things that you like doing. The things that are positives and light you up that give you some amount of joy and power freedom energy happiness contentment

12:00 Because by the way, those feelings are the complete opposite of anxiety and stress. They induce cortisol and adrenaline and fight or flight chemicals whereas the feel-good stuff will induce dopamine serotonin endorphins oxytocin... The feel good chemicals that lift us up and drive us forward that help us sleep well, that help us be better company to be around, they help us be excited and motivated So it's important, in fact essential to get really focused on what's working. What you appreciate? What you want more of? In fact what you're grateful for now practice of gratitude sounds a bit fluffy and woo-woo and people write it off but it's not! It's becoming aware of emotionally tuned into the good things in your life that are working

12:51 Second up, and basically all these tasks you can sit down and write them out. Actually building some AI tools to that you can access and do this interacting with. Next up is your values. Now, when you're living inconsistent like out of alignment with your values it's uncomfortable it's friction and mildly annoying but also rubs against just like a piston being slightly out it rubs against your soul to be honest your absolute core

13:28 So if, if who you are and this experience was very personal to me inside of my marriage which ultimately failed. Who I am is intuitively without Even thinking about it, more of a positive tendency. I see the opportunities, I see the good in things. Now my ex? More of a negative persuasion and that's okay but it's bloody annoying if those two people are complete opposite so every time you say up they say down there is only so much road for that conversation to run on before you hit a wall okay! So your values are absolutely vital getting clear on what they are

14:07 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, High Value Man. You can write down, like set yourself a timer and write down all the things that matter to you. All the things that give you goosebumps or light you up when you think about your family and friends and what you'll do for them or things other people will do for you and you appreciate and feel gratitude towards. You could think about favourite movies or TV personalities or sportspeople like

14:47 What do you see in them that you like about them? Sometimes it's easier to describe other people than it is to describe yourself. And you can start to group these all together, be like I was saying love and family and connection they become a value in themselves under one umbrella And if you want, if you go to the opposite end of the spectrum and look at things that annoy you about people. The characteristics that you don't like in people TV programs that wind you up. You'll see some of your opposites of your values so you go okay well actually if I don't like aggression, I don't like drama or negativity what is the opposite of that? That's probably the value that I am okay it's about positivity love freedom generosity these are the opposites

15:33 This And So, the next up is really about clear vision. Right? We call it the blueprint inside of The High Value Man Projects. You know you've heard it elsewhere as the Vision Board but getting truly clear on what you want in your life

16:39 Like in each and every area, we have seven core areas. Okay? You, family home work and money friendships health and fitness. And did I say family? Did you get this tattooed on the inside of my arm or something but You know, they fall into those areas and what you do is you create around that how you want it to be very specifically. You don't use any negatives like I don't want this or that no that's the not working. You put into exactly what you see yourself having and what it is that you want to create if its a larger home What does that home look like? If it's the vibe, the atmosphere, people who are around in your home What does that look like

17:22 If it's the view out the window or the location that you're near, it's the kind of weather you experience there. It goes in there if it's the kind of relationship that you want, you put it in. If you haven't got a partner then you describe the kind of partner that you want to have It becomes this blueprint. The reason why I have a blueprint over Vision Board is because a blueprint is something you build, it's something you create. You know what it is that you want to end up with and you start to put the steps in place to create it and that along with your values and your strengths and weaknesses...I didn't even mention those but let me just come back to those

18:03 You build this picture up exactly of who you are, what you stand for. Okay? Inside of which are your strengths and weaknesses passions and commitments. What is it that matters to you? What do...what are you responsible for? What are the things that light you up and that you enjoy doing? And then weaknesses, what are the things that annoy you and you don't like doing. Being clear about these things actually written down means that you can lean into and do more of those things. You become aware of the hard lines for you in certain areas where I'm not going to do that because it's inconsistent with what I

18:41 And we can also use the word weakness to describe a person's weaknesses. One of the hardest things for a human, let alone a man because we're focused on men to persevere with is something that you don't like doing. That will undoubtedly obviously grind you down okay?

19:18 And then the final part of this is your why. Your why is a clear connection between what you're doing and the reason you want to do it, and people talk about motivation as where can I get motivation for? How do I find motivation? What happened to... Where's my motivation gone? It's not motivation, its commitment! And commitment is your why. Its your why above all other things that will get you out of bed to do that thing that you said you would do When you're connected to your why, you can quite frankly withstand any challenge. You've gotta have a why that's bigger than you right? And when I say bigger than you it normally means something external to what is that you want and the best example I can give of this or the one that springs most to mind is around my fitness and I used to have it when I was younger that I would enter an event get fit to enter the event to do well to kind of look good...I've always

20:12 I've got a bit of an issue about not getting overweight or some people accuse me of being fattest, but I don't think that's very fair. But I never want to be like that right? When i was younger that was what it would enter an event get fit then I would do the event then not go to the gym for six months and it wasn't until I felt so bad about itself started to feel so unfit and then as like the pain got too much that I would then go back to the gym. So it's about like that pain the pain I went and started doing it again. When I read Charles Dungy's Power of Habits, I realized that my why for getting fit was only about me and when it s only about you your motivation for it can drift in and drift out doesn't really impact anybody else is not connected to a higher reason or bigger why? And

21:04 That's the common mistake that people make with motivation. Motivation comes in and out, you've got to find a way to access commitment and why your why is how you access commitment so when I realized that when i'm fit I work better, when I work better I make more money ,when I make more money I can do cool things with my kids, when I can do cool things with my kids they're happier and at the time when we were going through a divorce their happiness and our quality time together was absolutely paramount And obviously money was a bit tricky back then. So in terms of getting up in the morning and going to the gym and doing what I needed to feel good about myself, being fit was an absolute non-negotiable! It transformed my attitude towards going to the gym it transformed my reason for going to the gym so then when it's cold and dark you don't really feel like it... You are still compelled either to do the home workout like find a way around it or

22:01 And if you're not a fan of the show, I highly recommend that you check out the podcast.com and 3XC Formula. And so their motivation is just constantly drifting in and out, which in itself will drag you down. Because if there's something you know you want to do or there's not something that you know you should do... I know I should exercise! I want to look fit and attractive for my wife, my girlfriend. I want to feel good. I want to be alive when my kids are, you know, have got grandchildren like if one, to be fair that's drifting into the whys but if just getting fit is whether you like exercising or not

22:53 That won't be enough. It's when you associate those whys that I just went through, it's when you have a reason that is bigger than you is when motivation sticks around and it's not actually called motivation, its called commitment So in terms of what's wrong with men today? In terms of it's not a mental health crisis, it's a purpose crisis these are all the reasons why that's the case because if you don't have a purpose then you don't know what your going after If you don't know what, well like what you're focused on. Like if you don't know your levels of which you're grateful for what you've got and you're doing things that are tuned into your values and that your passions and strengths are where you find yourself active most of the time...if

23:40 Like your reason for getting up in the morning is clear and strong, and it's something external to you. It's about impacting other people either your family or your extended community. It's something that you just won't be stopped in. That is a man who is magnetic who is energized. People want to be around him when he thinks about what he's got going on. He's got loads going on. He's inspired himself, and it's almost impossible And if you're listening to this podcast, I want you to know that there's a lot of great content out there. So make sure and subscribe so you don't miss any of it.

24:41 Oh, that sounds cool. How did you do that? This is how I did it. I listened to the Jonnie Jensen Show and part of the High Value Man Project. That's what our kids need to see in us when they look at their dad same as our wives or girlfriends like when they look at us, they want to feel inspired and led and enthusiastic. They wanna be on that mission with us Because if you can't get excited about what you're up to, how the hell do you expect people to be excited about being on the journey with you? It just doesn't work that way. And then we, like low value death spiral. We lead with confidence and charisma chasing a life we desire not one we feel stuck in

25:23 That's it. I wanted to share this with you because there are practical aspects to what we do here at the High Value Man Project, it is definitely not therapy right? Although you will get the results that people look for in therapy. It's not tipping your life upside down and becoming somebody you're not but it is about a life that works and about being connected with the man and dad that you want to be and In terms of the rewards and the output, it's exactly about the connection about the joy about the experience of loving life rather than this four out of 10 existence that so many of us find ourselves in. I'm now going to go away and chop this up because I've had to do it in two parts and all sorts of other technical issues that have been going on hopefully by the time you're listening to this none of that will be apparent and you can say wow! That sounded good

26:16 I've got a couple of guest episodes that are ready to be published, so expect to see them coming up later on in the week. And the easiest way or over the next couple weeks... The easiest way to make sure that you're receiving the latest episodes of The Jonnie Jensen Show is to subscribe either to the podcast or on Spotify If you've got ideas or things that you want me to talk about on this show, if you've heard other guests on other podcasts that are like yeah I need to hear him riff with Jonnie then by all means message me. Tell tell me what it was that you want me to cover or who is your music get on the show?

27:03 And then finally, go and get your score. Go and get your High Value Man Score at highvaluemanproject.com forward slash score that's the kickstart for you that will show you where your leaking energy and drive in your life and help you build the connections and commitments that you want to create. Thanks for listening it has been my absolute pleasure and I'll see you on the next episode let's go! Thanks for tuning in to The Jonnie Jensen Show. Be sure to subscribe, leave a review and share it with fellow dads! Creating the life you deserve starts with YOU. Get your High Value Man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go