Men Without Direction – The Masculinity Crisis Nobody's Talking About feat. Kip Brooks

00:00 Possibly since the birth of man, it's been our thing. It's encoded... We get caught up in the way to get this whatever this is the happy family, the happy spouse, the great vacations, the nice house, the nice car The only way I know how to get that is by going over here at work and just burn myself out And that's where its most tangible That's where it's most measurable right? Because we're not getting thanked at home all the time Welcome to The Jonnie Jensen Show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches relationships and results they deserve. Get your High Value Man blueprint and join our community at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go!

00:47 Kip Brooks, coach, transformational specialist. Second time on the show last time it was the Team Superdad Show here on The Jonnie Jensen Show absolutely great to have you back! Yeah I love what you're doing so I was...I loved the whole journey and evolution of it and yeah whenever he reached out just oh that's an absolute heck yes right there so yeah glad to be here hopefully we can drop some value bonds for somebody Absolutely. For the people who don't know you, Kip, do you want to just tell us a bit about what you do and who you do it for? Yes. I coach mindset work trauma release has been the foundation of a whole lot of my work more and more drive recently towards dads and men as time goes on there's a whole lot of support for moms wives women

01:40 Men keep getting pushed to the background a lot and I run into men on a daily basis who are just like, man. I've got nobody. I've got no friends. I've got nobody else but my wife, my work and my kids. And so they just don't have time for other things. And I've heard way too many in-things prematurely. So it's like, man I'm tired of hearing the majority of suicides are people who look way too much like you and I or at the age range, all that. And it's

02:17 Needless, it's like there is something that needs to be done. And so I try to focus in that of just letting them know the tools and techniques that save me from the same thing. And then along the way, I do some stage hypnosis for a little bit of fun and entertainment on my own and youth empowerment. I'm on the board of Youth Empowerment Leadership Development non-profit. So I speak at schools and work in the school system as well trying Teach it younger when I needed it. Brilliant, really interested to dig into that in a little bit just the men's groups that I'm in on Facebook and school. I see the real difference in tone between European or British men and American men. It is interesting some of the male perspective in America is quite tough

03:15 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Kip Brooks, Confusion, conflict and as you rightly pointed out the fallout of that is sadly men's mental health and the shocking rate of male suicide around the world. Yeah it's really sad these actually have quite a lot of stats from the UK on it as well but yeah it amazes me how many cultures its actually hit like more developed areas like US, UK Canada

04:10 It seems to be more predominant there, but it's starting to spread more and more through areas that just shocked me. You know different parts of Australia even Africa but all through Europe the more people I connect with and talk to is like how is it getting worse? Right yeah and of course you can trace a whole lot of the back especially for kids around 2010 There was a huge shift. And of course, if you go back and look—and that's what the research and studies are starting to show—they're like well once social media started taking over and really got introduced to the world it only exploded from people who were teenagers then or young kids where that got to be a huge foundation in their lives so okay this is not THE reason

05:05 But it is a big reason because we're just getting less and less true connection, right? And we've traded connection for our contact list. They're showing that it's starting to make people feel like they watch all the time because if we're watching others live this highlight reel through social media, we're doing comparison-itis with ourselves but then also we feel like they're always seeing us and it's creating Anxiety, paranoia almost. This seems to be making matters worse I do feel like there's actually a lot of hope. I feel like we're at the turning point and people my son's age... My oldest just turned 18 when you were asking about it Actually both of them were involved in the program you were talking about. My youngest is coming up on 14 and their ages

06:03 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Kip Brooks And Switched off social media for anyone under 16. Yes, I did man. I kind of hope that catches on Because it will do some good you know It's gonna be a learning curve in the beginning for the ones that have already had it so um my heart goes out to the parents of those kids but and of course people will find their work around I'm sure but yeah there needs to be some kind of

07:10 The Be And

08:05 There's some reluctance from a lot of parents to let their kids go out and do stuff. And I'm just, going right who you're with? Where are you going? What time are you coming home? Go and have some fun! Like just flipping don't get hurt come back happy that's what I want to tell them. Yeah it's funny bringing that up myself. I saw a little snippet earlier and they were talking about part of the challenges that kids are having now is exactly that. Because when you and I were growing up, it was like yeah get out of the house in fact you were sometimes pushed out of house so don't come back till streetlights are on or whatever. And they're like you just had this freedom it's like you didn't have that much contact with your parents and then when you did get together the kid didn't mind, the parent didn't mind everybody was present

08:51 But now with social media and everything, on the parents end it's like there is this pressure to be the perfect parent and all this. And it's you know there are all these trends of oh look how good a mother I am! Look how good a dad I am because I'm hanging out with my kids like all the time. So its become this thing where everybody in the house kids don't want to leave they're playing games or say a lot of them are parents who are afraid to let him go out and you know be free range children or whatever So it's created this jang of where like they're always together and so then they both create this anxiety of whenever you know separation anxiety of sorts but also the kids kind of putting up a wall because it's like, oh he's here. I don't want to talk to him anymore because there's that pressure um so they're feeling watched by their parents and just like... You know? I never really even thought about that! Um..I know there's a whole lot

09:51 I see it a lot in the world, but it's like I never actually sat down and thought how much actually that was impacting the parent to the point where it was impacting the child. My wife and I had this conversation a couple of times...I feel like everyone has witnessed this at some point but there is one specific situation about a year ago we were in Omaha Nebraska on a consulting contract out there And there's this bridge that runs across, there is a river that is the border of Nebraska and Iowa. And there's a bridge that runs across it and so right in the middle of the bridge they have it marked you know right on this side line you're in Nebraska on this side you're in Iowa So its just of course touristy picture thing. And then this bomb like driving her kid, it's blazing hot outside, 97 degrees Fahrenheit

10:45 The concrete's hot and she's got her kids laying on the border with their heads touching right at the borderline. And they're hot, they're miserable one is like probably five, the other one is eight or nine and they are just crying. They don't want to be there. They are burning up! They just want to go home or play in the water or whatever. She said no get a picture of them. She was trying to get the perfect selfie and she takes like 15 pictures trying to get the best one for social media You're not being present. Like the thing you want from the picture is happening right now in real life, but you want it on the phone to show everybody instead of just experience it with your kids and create that lifelong memory with them and I've done my own fair share of my version of that It's amazing how much Of our lives have gotten to be in here right? In the screen And not out here even though we're trying to take what's out here and put it into this screen

11:41 Yeah, the deep irony of trying to appear perfect but getting it dramatically wrong. And it's like the thing you're pursuing through the screen is actually out here happening So what do you think all this says about, interesting I talk a lot but pretty much my work is focused at business owning dads or career minded dads who are creating success at work thinking it's going to give them happiness at home and then they turn around and then their home life is all in the toilet basically. And then there's that despair of I've worked so hard to create all this how come it's all going wrong?

12:19 And what I just took from that, what you were sharing was really much about role models and how guys are showing up for their families. What sort of pressure do you see when some of the...I looked on your updated bio recently and some of the big companies you're working in and Tesla and BMW and stuff and seeing at that higher level, what's Where do men fall down there between being successful in business and then trying to be successful at home and it not really working out? What are you seeing your work around that or types of things. So much of the, I never thought of it this way but very much same thing again. Especially as men because we're providers protectors right all of that just naturally and then the pressure put on us

13:11 There's been the push for gender equality and all that in the workplace, but it's ingrained in us for centuries. Possibly since the birth of man, it's been our thing, it's encoded. And in today's world more and more again back to the screen life of comparison and all this is like we get caught up in okay The way to get this, whatever this is whether it's the happy family, the happy spouse. The great vacations, the nice house, the nice car. So like the only way I know how to get that is by going over here at work and

13:51 Just burn myself out. But then, and we start achieving success when we get the accolades and everything else. And that's where it's most tangible. That's where it's most measurable right? Because you're seeing our paycheck or a promotion or there are multiple people around work patting us on the back I get a bit addicted, right? Because we're not getting thanked at home all the time. Our wife's not getting thanked at home like no one is... We take each other there's a taking for granted almost on the home front right where you're at regularly so well yeah you're supposed to be a dad here you're supposed to be a husband you're just doing those things but it work we tend to get a little more notice especially depending on what the job is from customers from superiors co-workers whatever

14:38 But also there's that paycheck, that we have to have. It's a challenging thing with people in weight loss and food addiction. It's possibly one of the most if not the most challenging addictions because food is a necessity right? So it's hard for people to like break that addiction because no matter what you got to eat. It's not like cigarettes, if you can build yourself to go cold turkey, you're fine because you'll never be around it. You can create that world where you're never around it but with food you can't and you have to get around it or you're not going to survive so there is this subconscious just natural drive to find it same thing

15:17 I think we're not naturally driven for money, but we are driven towards what it brings us because it brings us food and shelter. And you know all the main needs and then it provides for our family so it's real easy for anyone but especially men to get obsessed with okay because we're just naturally designed to be able to sacrifice or suffer a little bit more and push through. So it's like I will work myself into the ground to give this to my family. But then also the family has other needs, right? They need some presence they need some love and interaction and providing it's not just financial but we get caught up in it and I've seen way too many families getting torn apart and men be blindsided because of something...I thought we were working towards the same thing but now she's mad that I'm working all the time

16:12 And then it gets this defensiveness comes in, right? It's like she's trying to take the thing that makes me a man. Makes me a provider. Makes me valuable because we start seeing that... We start equating our own personal value in the value of what we bring from work and so then someone will say something about stepping away and I'll say, we need you more at home And it just becomes a burden for men because it's like we haven't ever been taught how to do that. We were just always told go to work and then get the job done, and then you know if there was an issue just go to work and fix it. Just keep going to work! That becomes the closest thing to a therapy that most men have and they just keep

17:04 It just keeps creating this separation. And then, and I've had it in my own experience plenty of times where it's like man as stressful as work is at least you know that it's the devil you know versus the devil you don't. It's like I know what to expect there and I'm getting paid for it and it's supposed to be hard because it's a job. And so I'll just go there and get to work At least there's other people going through it. Their job is stressful, my job is stressful we recognize each other in that and I'm terrified of not knowing what to do at home That's what it tends to be It works like this, I know my job, I know what to do Man life at home is multitude of other people their needs and they're changing growing all the time And they're looking for us for stuff We feel overly responsible for them and it becomes this thing I don't know what to do

18:01 I'll go to work. That's where I know, you know that's the comfort zone. I know what to expect there and what to do there." And when it did with a lot of men, it was like when we get into that deep layer, sometimes there is fear right? Like I don't know how they deemed me to be at home I don't know how to be vulnerable. I don't know how to connect and I don't know how to communicate, and there's no one out there really teaching us right? Everything in school is about Going into the workforce. There's no class to teach you this is how you connect with your kids, this is how you connect... Your son is different than your other son and your son is different than your daughter or your wife is different than your kids You know it's like we're just taught This is how you show up on a schedule to work And at the end of the schedule It's done until the next day but it's like life at home doesn't stop! It's 24-7 whether we're at work Or whether we're home it's going off and it needs us

19:04 Yeah, the subconscious mind doesn't like the unknown. So it's going to drive us to where it feels in most comfort which is that closed loop of knowing okay here in this workspace I know what's expected and know what to do and I know that there's a time in this day that will end and then on Friday I get a weekend off I know all the details are checked. I got all the rules to live by, but at home there's none of that. Don't know! I could go home and be planning a family dinner and then one of the kids gets sick you know or whatever...and it's just we're always on our toes. Yeah and then they bring that rigidity back home which of course doesn't fit. The home setup doesn't...it's not

19:51 You can't be that rigid in work. And then he gets frustrated, I'm doing my best you don't understand uh you need to be more grateful and then she's like i need to be more grateful how about you give more time to us or how about you'd be more interested in my needs? Or how about you be more... you know and I think in America In America, do you think men are waking up a bit to this subject? Do you feel that they are becoming more interested in how to be the man at home that holds it all together or do you think he's really struggling to work out what that means.

20:34 Yeah, I think we're on a cusp of it. I think before it was, that's kind of what caused like the midlife crisis that we'd recognize is just people just getting to a point. It's like something's not working. Somethings not right in my life but we live in such an instant gratification culture and its okay what? And you know we've been marketed since were kids as the answer is always this thing on screen. You know new car or new toy with some sort. But yeah do see the stoicism movement has It's

21:44 I hear on a regular basis just people taking an off grid, we've got a friend right now who's on a 15 day silent retreat just out in the woods that he was doing it on his own. He found the cabin out in the middle of nowhere and stockpiled some food and went with his dog. His wife and kid are at home and he said, I need to go bury myself out in the woods And not be around a soul. I'm leaving all electronics, like he's hiking a mile into the woods from the car and now he's pulling it off for 15 days. His wife is awesome and supportive but... He's getting food! He's just eating delivered to him. But yeah, I hear similar stuff that quite a bit. Yeah, people are starting to wake up too and not just

22:35 Men, but even families. You know the just homesteading and just getting back to time with each other and disconnect from the screens a little bit and let's come together like we can't get rid of this in the time in the world We're in right now. We can't get rid of screens and all that outside distractions They're not gonna go away. It's just going to get worse Because it's been said, attention is the new real estate. But people are starting to see just getting fed up with algorithms and different things and do think that people are starting to catch on to like I don't need take a few minutes just myself just be with the family and just kind of hang out for a minute and like disconnect from everything

23:29 And just shut down from the nonstop information all the time. Yeah, get back to basics a little bit. And kids need it their attention span is getting shot to pieces and that's terrible. I mean on this subject of masculinity and men as role models you know it's interesting in America because you got... You mentioned stoicism so Ryan Holiday and The Daily Stoic and stuff and then you've got Lewis Howes who has booked the Masks of Masculinity. So I think those sort of message softer, softer type of present masculine you know being a rounded man and then you've got Garrett White is very

24:16 The Much more about protector and provider. And I don't necessarily think any of these are right or wrong, you know? They're not like flipping Andrew Tate kind of hardcore red pill stuff. It's a message about being a strong man and most of them at least the ones that I've heard also have a message of family, of being successful, of creating the family, bringing up happy kids

24:55 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Kip Brooks. Influencers and forces, you know maybe what are the people you work with now of those people? Yeah. I love the awareness that all of those have brought and I've read Lewis Howe's book and I've read most of stuff Ryan Holiday has put out and then went through stuff with Garrett White and so many others because I've been on my own path too trying to find what

25:47 I'm You know, when I started this journey and so go down and it's if you go far enough with anybody. You're going to run, you know, it's been said don't meet your heroes right? So it's like... And the reason why is because sooner or later you're gonna run into where they're human and the way you find out

26:29 Typically because somebody pulls the curtain back on The Wizard and you see some flaws in him or see something that's like, oh man. You know? And step away and I don't care what is that for a lot of people it's like because he pushes from an extreme on one side um and anybody gets that loud at him or Andrew Tate it's just recognize the wounded child inside But they have said some things that are good. Everybody has said some things that is not so spot on, but again it's

27:04 It's all a spectrum, right? I've heard you talk about the spiral of the balance between home and work and all that. We get these pendulum swings—Andrew Tate is hardcore on this side, and then over here is someone on the opposite side. And it's like well who's right or wrong? In the right context they came to that conclusion somehow but Typically the truth is always in the middle, right? Or the starting point. But yeah really just check into it! Check a few of them you know do your research just like going to buy a car don't just take the first one that a salesman rolls up to you It's like think about your own values what you're looking to get

27:52 and do a little research on it. Same thing with the influencers, like I've followed all of them at one point and then it stripped down more and more over time and It's interesting as you grow on your own journey who you were following yesterday that also today you're like I just, I don't get it anymore. Especially once people get to that size following and everything else but... And so my wife's a nutritionist, high-level nutritionist and she works with a lot of people trying to either prevention or recover from some horrible diagnosis or something you know? Get their health in check all sorts of reasons we lost all that

28:35 And there's a lot of confusion in that world, and I see it now in personal development as well. Politics is everywhere like we have this constant influx of information and It's because the people preaching at the most like Garrett White why is he so noisy? He's trying to get attention and sell a product. He's going to tell you the problem and they say the product. He's got some great stuff out there I've got several of his physical products like books. I've taken, uh...I've been in his online men's group like not buying things just he's very well known but it's like at the end of the day He's still trying to sell you something so just keep that in your mind doesn't mean it's right or wrong um And it's just like You go to dealership? You're not going there to get a hamburger But if you're going there To get a car and they know that and they're gonna try to sell you one They're gonna try to sell you one they have

29:27 So it's like you gotta have that filter with you a little bit and just kind of pay attention and know what you're looking for. And I know when i work with clients, a lot of times especially men are like, I don't know what I want? I don't know what I'm looking for! It's very unknown so cool yeah best way to find it is you know exactly what you don't want so let's look there Turn 180 degrees, see what's the opposite and then look for that sweet spot in the middle between here and there. Because that's part of the advantage point like politics media marketing everything takes advantage of is that confusion point we don't know what we want you know Henry Ford said if I asked people what they wanted they would have said a faster horse. They didn't know they wanted a car or they didn't know it was an option so he looked created a solution and it was like here here's which one

30:21 Part of the reason why marketing has overtaken such an advantage is that we don't actually know what we want. Our minds aren't necessarily designed to figure that out naturally, we're designed to know what we don't want and that's to perish basically The number one driver, number one and number two prime directors drivers of the subconscious mind is protection and preservation or safety in preservation and self-protection to keep the species going. Well that has nothing to do with I want I want this magnificent car over here. I want this mansion, and it has to do with okay how do i survive? Well I gotta make sure if you have shelter to stay away from the storm. Uh...I've also gotta be protected from predators and scarcity of food. And so it's more starting from a move away thing um

31:15 But we're taught all the time, oh go after what you want. Well we don't know which one well that's because we're going to market and sell you what you want You just don't know yet We're gonna convince you and um That's that's how I got into studying uh hypnosis And all of that stuff so much was realizing how much is being used against us? And i wanted to understand how the mind works and then found So many solutions to uh to my own stuff but yeah it's Yeah Really got to just check in with that again because the more the attention is out there and on the screen, the less we're paying attention to how we feel about it. Like really feel and think about it. We're just going off of what it feels like. Let me ask you a little bit about that? Yeah! But before I crack into that, a great book you should read based on what I just said is by a guy called Rory Sutherland he's advertising...I love him! Dude, like guru basically

32:14 Oh, okay. Have you read Alchemy? I have not! I was actually getting ready to order it and it's funny you brought that up because yeah, every time I find him on YouTube he is one of the few people that I religiously look for in content actually because... Yeah, it's brilliant absolutely fascinating what he puts out there and if you realise how much we're replaying all the time. For the listeners right Yeah, exactly that. For the listeners he's a slightly older guy, he's probably only got like 10-15 years on us but um... He said a longstanding senior ad executive designer from the UK and he's got an incredible understanding about the philosophy of the human

33:02 The But in his book, Alchemy it really pulls back the curtain on some of the absurdities of the human mind and how actually the decisions that we make aren't always the decisions that we think we're making or you know. We're picking A versus B It ain't for a reason we thought is for this weird thing is underneath the hood that we didn't realize so and it's all done in a very accessible and enjoyable way Let me ask you a question just about say what you were talking about there

33:44 When a guy comes to you with some of the stuff that you've been outlining, we've been talking about today. One of the classic ones for me is, you know, you ask a guy so what do you want? And then well, the first thing they tell me is all this stuff they don't want like I want this to stop or not to stop. I've had enough of this and you touched on in a moment ago about men not knowing what they want Is that part of where you start when you're working with guys, helping them? Because for me fulfillment starts with knowing what you want and knowing you're going after it. That's like the basis of fulfillment. Where do you start when a guy is like I don't know what I want? Yeah, thats become my go-to is something in that...

34:28 I go where it needs to go with each client, but it's in that general direction. Like somehow we're heading there but depending on what they say or what they come to me for is like okay if you don't know what you want then how do you know you don't want what you got? I wanna look for the pain point and figure out what's going on that we don't like and why is it... And then also just kind of get them You know, in check with that because again we're distracted so much out here and definitely run into people that it's like well you know I was actually my wife and I talk about this. We both there was a point our lives were like holy crap things are getting better along the personal development journey and then all of sudden one day I can accredit so much garbage in my life

35:18 I went from going after what i actually wanted to chasing the attaboys or you know, oh you should do this. Oh you'd be great over here because your story and it's like yeah okay and it just felt good because everybody else was telling me that I was a lot happier back then. And it's like, so it's like checking on me with how do you know this isn't working? You know get in with that is because someone else tells you should have something else or is it something really not working? So we'll dig around there and again, like say just kind of depends on what they come to me with but then after that... Because usually you've coached probably more people than me the people they're like

36:16 I just don't know what to want and they're just distraught from it. And it's like, It's this weight over them that is like there's no hope because of don't know what a lot and it's like so my reaction is usually kind of just the energy of cool. I mean your mind still what it supposed to be doing And that throws them off. It's a bit of a pattern interrupt and they're like, well what do you mean by that? Your mind is not designed to seek out what you want nearly as much As it is to notify you of what you don't want so it means its functioning how it should we just need to get it to open up To the other side because it wants you to find food. It wants you to find shelter He wants you to find things but first more important like he doesn't want you to stop and eat

36:59 While there's a Saber-teethed Tiger chasing you. So much of my work is just getting them to realize like this is how we're naturally designed It's just we've been taught that means something is wrong with us. This is actually how we're designed and this is why there are two sides of every coin, and there is a positive to it." And I noticed people get in check or hear that they really releases a good bit of stress on a lot of people because until then we think something broken where you think were dumb or whatever. How do not know what I want at 40 years old? You weren't designed that way and you've never been shown it. You've been told what you want, but you never got to figure it out for yourself. Yeah so becomes a positive foundation for them then to build on top of the... So I'm not broken everything's okay! I just stopped creating. I just stopped looking for what I wanted. Okay right well what would I like? What would I want? Interesting we were talking about relationships as well couples

37:54 They fall in love, the passion, the sex, the joy, the euphoria, the proposal, the wedding. Everything's like woohoo! Never actually stop to ask what each other wants here. Then you have to get to the question and then hopefully when you do ask it you're both on the same page but actually And if you're listening to this podcast, I want you Destination X, okay. Let's do all we can to achieve destination x and that it's that lack of clarity around what we want that creates a lot of uncertainty even depression mental health issues anxiety doubt and a lack of clarity about where about where we're headed

38:59 And then I've seen in, again some of your other podcast stuff and you talk a lot about this idea of failure is never a failure. It's just an opportunity for some feedback and evolution. Tell me about that sort of...I understand that's kind of an important part of your message as well right? Yeah there's no failure only feedback man when I first heard that Much of garbage. The more I looked into it, like really sort of take ownership of it man, It's legit and it's such a much more enjoyable experience. So even if it's not true, I don't care anymore. Like it's working. Uh, been living through that for a lot of years now and uh my wife does it

39:49 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Kip Brooks The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Kip Brooks And there's no parents in the room, like they're not going to be able to. Like you know it's like they don't take it away they all live in that idea that it's gonna happen but as we get older and we've had bumps and falls metaphorically and literally and then when also we start acquiring things um and you know like a squirrel stalking nuts away for the winter

40:48 We get more worried about losing that stuff so then when something happens it, um that we see as a setback or failure. It's like it hits harder especially I see with so many men because they're like man I let my family down you know and that one gets me emotional because that's that hits me still to this day like that pops up but it's like Just this path failed, but it's just feedback. The great basketball player Michael Jordan said that never lost a game I just ran out of time and it's another way of saying okay well in this context they didn't work with these details but there is some way to make them work.

41:31 I heard someone tell me once, and I love this. I try to remind myself of this constantly because it's in the same vibe and i've heard Alex Ramosi say it in his own version as well but I heard it probably 10 years ago from a friend of mine named Keith and he stole it from a buddy of his but he was like, I love it when things start getting hard. He said because I know that's God's way filtering out everyone else who's not supposed to have it except me. And he's like, I just got to figure out where the pathway is because it's being protected for me and so when I run into a wall It's not stopping me. It's just protecting it and what I want, and me all of us have just got to figure out like Indiana Jones figured out the way through the tomb. Man that is a totally different and much better way to look at it than how I was looking at it. And so you know when we play a game its the same thing like playing video games

42:30 And just get crushed over and over by the video game, but they'll keep playing it. And it's like that's the only difference like It's the same thing you've got to see life as that game and say in the game You get feedback of what didn't work he try something else right? You try a different path you try different angle or different approach whatever it is You shake it off. I've seen so many people get fed up, like, I'm never playing this game again. Stomp off 20 minutes later they're back at playing and everyone's had a little break had to drink water got something to eat So just do that with life is we just shake it off and Henry Ford said it he's like every failure is not

43:08 It's a chance to start again with more information. Start more intelligently, that's it! It's not an end-all it's just okay it worked up to this point now I've got adjust something and part of that is you know Einstein talked about the thoughts that got us here can't solve the problem so that's all it is we've grown to a level And that's the magic as well of

44:05 And The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Kip Brooks, The power of being in that collective, that tribe, that clan of being able to say yeah I don't know what to do here and i think im the only one. And everyone else goes no mate we've done that hands up kind of thing and you realize that the failure wasn't a failure it was just actually the expected journey that you've all been on One of the expressions that I love

45:08 The man you're meant to be today had to get through tomorrow. Sorry, had to get through yesterday. You couldn't be here if you didn't succeed yesterday no matter what yesterday looked like the man you're meant to be today had to get through yesterday. Yeah that's beautiful I love it! That's a beautiful thing and so where do you know...you mentioned you talk in schools and obviously there is other work that you do as sort of a way to wrap things up What's your encouragement to men in terms of finding themselves, of finding that energy inside them to let go of like the things that are upsetting them and holding them back or stressing them out quietly. Like where do you... what's sort of like one of your go-to ways of having men really grab hold of the man they want to be and go after it?

46:02 Every man, regardless of whether they have a spouse or kids. Even if they have no pets, no kids and no spouse. I've yet to meet a man that doesn't have someone that they feel like they're showing up for. At the time in my life it was my kid sister when i was a teenager and then uh...and to this day I'm her go-to when it really hits, when something really pops off and really hits the fan there. And it's like all men have that somewhere a buddy is something two of our friends that was the person holding them as they you know passed away so we all have someone because we're just too natural or protective um So just getting in touch with that but also

46:59 What is the why behind that? Like, what does it really mean? What is that... because everything we do, everything we think, the way our mind works. Everything's a metaphor. Everything's symbolism for something and I said yeah, that's you, that's your kid. That's.. You love them but what else was under there? What other layers are in there and one of my drivers for how apparent is the parenting I didn't get I was younger than my boys are when my dad passed away. So it's like, I didn't have that so that's what drove me into the men's work and people were like oh man you're very into your kids, very great dad blah blah blah and it must take a lot of pride in that

47:48 That is built so much out of trying to protect them back to that thing of what I didn't want. It's like, I didn't want for them the crying nights and all the pain I went through as a kid because even when my dad was alive he was always at work or somewhere else. He was never around rarely. He worked a ton and then I'll call it another thing. So he was, he was not around and didn't want to be in the home. He had other things to do. He did work himself to death and provide for us but without going down any of that rabbit hole at this point... But it's, that's a drive and is the same drive that pushes me to be a better husband

48:38 It's the same drive that pushes me to show up for my clients best and all that because it all creates that I want better in my home than the home i grew up. In, I want the world to be better because I was here uh well people would be sad that I died you know? I don't want them to be like oh there's just another guy um yeah but um yeah it's helping guys like really see what their driver is because it's like even if you think you're in touch with your why Why you do something, why you push. It's like there is going to get a time where you question if it is worth it. Life is funny and harsh but its fair. Its completely fair because its completely unfair for all of us. And just really understanding what those big drivers are even the ones underneath the whys. What does that really mean for you? Like what does that get you?

49:34 And it's like we've got to stay in touch with that because, um... Like we talked about on this. There are plenty of men who end it because they lose sight of it and the fight seems more challenging. The dragon seems bigger than the sword. Yeah absolutely! And that's a beautiful way to sort of wrap things up. You know, having men realize that the challenges that you're facing you're actually supposed to face like it's not the end is just part of the journey and at risk of ending on on a bit of a heavy note, suicide is really easy I hear people say oh how could he do it? Or didn't we know how selfish and all this or things... Not really!

50:14 The magic of suicide is it just fixes everything. And that's why it's so clean and simple for lots of guys, the process is horrible getting to that point but on the day you actually do it, It's the biggest relief out there! You're like oh yeah brilliant I finally decided today's the day all the struggle ends now Of course you leave a lot of stuff behind and our perspective would both be listen my friend the struggles worth it Trust us, like what's down the line? What's next week. What's next month will seem tiny compared to where you're at today and the fact that you've now shared this and the triumph, the comeback story is going to be beautiful, like way better than this sad situation you're in right now but the reason men do it

51:00 It's because it's just like, oh man I can't take this anymore. I know what I'm going to do boom and it's done. Yeah. It's clean! It's a fix and men like to fix things. That's a big point that perfect way to state it because yeah especially when it gets to that point we take it on ourselves like this is all my fault or my burden and people who judge people who commit suicide you got to understand they think they're doing everyone a favor They don't see it as hurting their family. They see it as, I'm keeping them safe from the crap that I bring to this and when people reach out to me and they're getting close to that point, I tell them man just understand that is always an option so why don't we put a pin in there for today and see what tomorrow brings? You know because once you take that option, if there isn't any tomorrow but just because you choose tomorrow doesn't mean you can't come back to this like that's always an option

51:58 But once you take that option, there are no other options. So it's like let's take a breath for a minute and sometimes it's one step at a time, one breath at the time and let's just see if we can survive to the next one but yeah... It's horrible that anybody gets to that point and feels that way But if you actually think about it, just like you described this. If you put yourself in that place and just kind of think of it from their perspective, it makes perfect sense. Sometimes I'm surprised the rates are higher

52:41 Because of some of the stories I hear people coming through, and say man, I don't know if I made it through that. And I don't want anybody to not make it through but yeah...I don't judge anyone who's done it. I've seen too much. Yeah so anyone out there that's made it? Reach out to Jonnie, reach out to somebody! Absolutely. I mean, that's the important thing any town, any city there are now men's groups wherever you're at if you typed into Google mens group near me, menstherapy near me, never at the point anybody to be appropriate and supportive here at the end here having brought this subject up again

53:30 Never be at the point where you think, okay this is the only option I've got left and I'm going to do it. You know how it'd be like, It's the only option I've got left let me just check to be really sure and that Google search that phone call in the UK there's Samaritans, there's Andy's Man Club, what are some of your organizations in the US? Oh, there's plenty. You know, funny the first one that came to my US, and the one that came up for me is actually one I know of in Australia that is now kind of it's in several other countries but it started in Australia by someone my wife introduced me to Alan Stevens. It's called The Campfire and yeah there are several others Dad's Tribe Andrew O'Brien

54:18 They're doing a lot of great work from what I hear, and I've known Andrew for a long time so anything he does is always going to be good. And then I put a virtual group together called Men of Metal. But there's church groups—there are so many like you say... How do people find your group, Kip? Probably the easiest way especially right now because I don't think we were talking about it before we started recording. There's a website debacle going on this week for some reason but typically you'll be able to find me and connect with me at kipbrooks.com

54:58 On Facebook, that's the easiest way outside of the website probably to track me down. Also if you see anything that says hypnosis, that's me as well for my stage hypnosis stuff Reach out to me through that at all because yeah, if you get that point especially and you think there's no other option Well, there is an option because you haven't talked to Jonnie or you haven't talked to me. There's somebody you haven't talked to so there's another option And I least give one of those options a chance but Yeah regardless of where you're at on the spectrum But yeah reach out in the middle it's virtual So anybody can take part in it we don't turn our back

55:39 Thanks for tuning in to The Jonnie Jensen Show. Be sure to subscribe, leave a review and share it with fellow dads! Creating the life you deserve starts with you. Get your High Value Man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go!