The Secret to Being a Happy Man and Dad (And Why Most Men Miss It)

00:00 The secret to being a happy dad and man and why most men miss it. You know, happiness isn't mindset. It's the way you show up for yourself and your life that makes the difference. Role theme. Welcome to the Johnny Jensen show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches, relationships, and results they deserve. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community at highvalue manproject.com. Let's go. Welcome, men, to the Johnny Jensen Show. It's good to have you here.

00:38 2026, a whole new year, a whole new chapter, a chance for you and me to go on a journey, a 12-month journey to really see exactly what we can create out of this new year. This kind of time of year always comes with, you know, what they call it, resolutions and fresh starts, new impetus. But of course, those things fade away pretty damn quick and we find ourselves back in the routine. Well, High Value Man Project is about creating the life that you desire, not one that you feel stuck in, being the man and dad that you want to be.

01:18 So I thought we would kick off this year's podcast with a focus on happiness. I've had a number of conversations over the last couple of weeks. And what really struck me underneath the underneath the challenges, underneath what these guys said was going well or not going well was a fundamental sense of happiness, of actually enjoying the life that they were living, that they wanted to create. And so, and it's something that's actually really core to me. I put happiness as a core value or fun as a core value.

02:01 And thinking back to some of the challenging times, the times both, not just around the marriage, it's very easy to come back to, oh, the marriage and the divorce and everything that went on around that. But there's been times before, times with other girlfriends, times with jobs that weren't going the way I wanted them to, maybe money or just the experiences of life. There are periods in life where we don't necessarily feel that happy. And it's taken me this journey, whether that's the coaching and personal development journey or whether it's just the journey of life,

02:41 being a kid, being a teenager, being a young adult, being a young man, being a man, being a husband, being a dad, like there is a journey that we go on, right? And discovering what happiness truly means is an essential part of that journey because we get it wrong. So many men get it wrong. And that's what the High Value Man Project is all about, giving men a system for living, a blueprint that has them show up for themselves and create the life that they desire. Now, you can have your faith, that's fine. You can have your own upbringings and the way that you like doing things. But most of us aren't taught exactly how to put this thing into place.

03:24 As you'll have heard me say before, the secrets of success aren't actually that secret. It's just that most of us won't do what it takes. And it's through an insane amount of reading and studying and general interest that I find myself with this level of knowledge. Now, other people might get to that place in their own way. You know, obviously, having been around church for a time as a charismatic Christian, growing up with Christian parents, you get a degree of this with faith as well. So some people might say, oh, they're really happy because of what God gives them. But even that, I'm going to question because what happens when,

04:10 and this was a very personal experience, like when things aren't going well and you're on your ass, struggling day by day to really get the energy up to do what it takes, simply praying and hoping for the best isn't enough. And this is my quirky view on religion is that if you're going to hang with the whole God idea and he gave us these bodies to live in, then he also gave us this brain and the body chemicals, the reward center, the whole neurological, physiological science side of our bodies, which require us

04:49 to be in action, which require us to have clarity and drive and be going after life, which requires us to actually enjoy the good times and the bad times because. that's what we're here to do. As I say, like we're the only creature on earth that really wakes up in the morning and decides how they're going to feel that day. If David Attenborough's live, does it David Attenborough? I always get the two muddled up. Anyway, the bearded guy who does the nature programs, if you're listening, Mr. Attenborough, you can ring me up and tell me if I've got this wrong. But I don't think dolphins wake up in the morning and go, oh, how do I feel today? Shall I go and swim and jump around and have a laugh? Or should I sit here and be miserable? I don't think a dolphin does that.

05:33 I don't know, right? But I'm pretty sure it's us humans that do that. So what I want to talk today about is this like reframe of happiness and how you capture happiness and cement it into your life. If any part of what we talk about today resonates with you, then I want to invite you to come over to the High Value Man project. We have our community over on School Group on School, which you can get to by going to highvalue manproject.com forward slash group. That will take you into the base camp level, which is free. And then you can level up to the inner circle or to the

06:17 accelerate or prime, which launches on February the 7th. Prime is a six-week group version of the High Value Man system for living, really reconnecting with who you are and what you want, and then putting the systems and structure in place or the habits and routines to actually create that. Not guru hype, not hustle, not tipping your life upside down. The actual practical day-to-day things that us as men need to thrive. Reconnecting with our visions and goals, reconnecting with the people we love and lift us up, having fun, feeling fit and healthy. Like this is how we build the man up.

07:02 And happiness is part of it. Okay. So highvalue manproject.com forward slash group. Everybody that joins that group gets the opportunity to have a free power call with me. It's not a sales call. It's just an opportunity to find out exactly what you're up to, what you're looking to create. And then I can feed into that. And if you like the sound of how that comes across, then you can talk about joining some of those programs. Okay. Podcast, share it with others, subscribe, give me a review on Apple podcasts or Spotify. It's dead easy. But please make sure you do. I need more reviews over there. And definitely subscribe because you'll get this straight to you the day it comes out.

07:47 So happiness. I've actually looked, not just looked, I've actually read books on happiness. I know, oh, I should get my, or basically, if you, there's a high value man book list, the ultimate book list, part one. I'm pretty sure, I'll put it in the show notes, but I'm pretty sure it's highvalumanproject.com forward slash booklist. You see what I did there? And that'll get you, get you that. But one of them is called the happiness effect. And it's like a Harvard study into happiness. And you get to understand when you dig into this that happiness is very much about your mindset.

08:29 It's about how you approach life. It's about your outlook on things. You know, some people dance in the rain, other people run and look for cover. Like it's the same rain, but for different people, it's the different experiences. And that's the opportunity that we all have in life. You know, a lot of people's upset comes from focusing on the wrong things. And that in itself is dials into you get what you think about all the time. You get what you focus on, where energy goes or where attention goes, energy flows.

09:09 Like these sound like clichéd kind of personal development. Oh, that sounds nice, Johnny. What a load of bollocks. No, actually, the science of how our bodies work is that that does happen. Like where we focus, it's where the energy goes. If you play any kind of sport, unless you're like seriously, seriously, bloody good at it and can do some sort of no-look drive off the tee. Generally speaking, where we like look is where the ball is going to end up. That's the direction it goes. That's how our bodies are geared to work. And so happiness is the same. And of course, some people say, oh, yeah, but you don't understand. This has happened to me. I've lost my mum.

09:50 My dad got divorced when I was a teenager. I got an absolute hiding. on multiple occasions and it was terrifying. Like, you could just go on and on. We lost everything and we lived in a crappy house that we didn't expect. Like, no matter how good or bad your experience of life is, some people are millionaires and are miserable. Other people are poor as hell. I try to swear less on the podcast because then I have to do less ticking boxes when I publish it. But you get my point. Like skin and happy is possible, right?

10:31 So, and that's just your mindset. That's just how you, your outlook on life. Your circumstances do not have to dictate your mood, your experience of life. When you understand that, it gives you infinite power to overcome any adversity, to experience life in a positive way, to keep moving towards the vision that you hold true for yourself. You see, it's happiness is not a motivation problem. It's about the design of the life that you're living into. And that's the important thing here. It's a number of aspects to how you show up in your life that will give you happiness.

11:15 So you can, so let me start to break this down into clear things. Okay. So the first part is, let's just say mindset is knowing what you want and actively going after it. That is the definition of fulfillment, is knowing what you want and knowing you're actively going after it. If one of those is present and the other one is off, you'll feel, you know, life will feel weird. You'll feel disconnected. You won't feel like anything is really that rewarding. Being in a dead end job with no possible future is demoralizing.

11:51 Being in a what others might seem a dead-end job because it's helping you save to go on a round the world trip is infinitely easier and I dare say almost uplifting. And Victor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning book dives into this beautifully. You know, how did he cope through Nazi concentration camps compared to other people? The second part of that, of course, is actually taking the time to know what you want, to know what it is that you're up to on this earth. And that's not the same as having it. People get hung up in this thing of like, well, what's the point if I can't have it?

12:34 The very point is that you're setting it out there in front of you as a destination, as a target you're working towards. And too many people through the slings and arrows of life will give up on their dreams, will give up on all the hopes and aspirations they have. You see it in relationships. And I want to get back sort of more to the heart of relationships in this because that's where so many men find their dissatisfaction is in their relationship. And guess what, guys? So do women. Okay. The algorithm on your social media feed will have you think otherwise.

13:10 But I was looking at my girlfriend's Instagram the other day. And yeah, the different stuff on her feed, not surprisingly, coming from women, coming from women's coaches, talking about how women are unhappy, talking about how relationships and what shitheads men are. Like, that's a curious aspect of modern life that we all have to face. But having your own clear vision will see you through that. Knowing who you are, your strengths, your weaknesses, your passions, your commitments, your values, so that you're living in alignment with that. If you put diesel into a petrol car, it breaks pretty quick. I know because I've done it and it's expensive.

13:51 But it's the same for us. If we're living a life, if we're in a job, relationship, any other part of it that's completely inconsistent with who we are, then it will break us pretty quick. Then the next part of happiness really is living with some kind of regret and upset, some kind of heavy baggage. And again, too many men think that this is just part of life, that it's just what we have to put up with. It's just what we have to do.

14:28 But it really isn't. Lugging around upset and regret, frustration, blame is not just heavy, like a heavy burden, but it is actually toxic. One guy I work with had some experience of sexual abuse in his life and he had a lot of back pain. Now, I'd heard at this talk I'd been at. been at, it was a whole day sort of health event, holistic health and coaching and stuff. And this guy was talking about how different experiences of life show up in different parts of our body as pain, as struggle. You might have seen those socks you can put on and you massage your little toe and it fixes a headache or things like this, right?

15:13 Lower back pain can often be attributed to experiences of sexual abuse. So, working this through, did a bit of research, chatted to the guy, and then passed it on to the guy I was working with. Now, there's various elements to this, some of which might be this physical side of it, the manifestation of toxic upset. And another part of it could just be the real healthy benefit of getting things complete with people. So, this, I'll spare the details, but forgiving the person who he had experienced the sexual abuse from was pivotal, really.

15:57 Now, forgiveness is not the same as forgetting. And I know this experience myself, right? You don't have to forget what someone did to you in terms of pay attention to what that person is really like, because they might just rear their head down the line and bite you the same way they did before. But forgiveness, understanding, compassion, taking a level of responsibility for that, for what went on yourself, seeing what life may have been like for them at that time, or how they grew up and what led them to be like that towards you.

16:35 Fundamentally, responsibility looks like you put yourself in that situation with that person most of the time, unless you've been, you know, attacked, mugged, some other kind of jumped on, raped, whatever, like that no one asked for that. We could dig into that as well in terms of responsibility, but clearly no one asked for that. But in terms of relationships, if you chose to be in a relationship with someone and they were fundamentally a bit of a shithead to start with, well, then how can you be angry at them for the rest of your life when you chose to put yourself in that relationship?

17:10 So, forgiveness is really forgiving yourself as much. In fact, 99% of it is forgiving yourself as much as the 1% forgiveness you're giving to that other person. You're cutting yourself free from the upset. And any level of blame and resentment, frustration, you see this in relationships. People inside unhappy relationships blaming the other person for the way things are. It wouldn't be like this if you weren't like that. Things would be better if you were more X or Y. If we had sex, then I would be happy. Like all these factors may come into it.

17:51 But the amount of people that don't talk about these things, they keep it locked up inside or they've tried to talk about it, but nothing happens. So now they just keep on with the frustration. It's very hard to be happy when you're carrying around a load of shit. It really is. Because even if someone said, I'm happy, this is all going on and I'm happy. It's not. It's giving you an experience of life that is X plus Y. It's you plus the frustration, unhappiness, blame, resentment. So what would it be like to put all that down so that your experience of life was just you?

18:29 Come into things as your true self with the ability to have conversations the way that you wanted them to go, to show up with the confidence and freedom to say and be however you wanted to be. So happiness has to have a clean slate. And happiness has to have the intention of having a clean slate. It's a completely different person. That I'm so, so I put so much importance into that area. We call it courage inside of the 3XC formula, which is part of the high value man system for living.

19:07 So now with a clear picture of who you are and what you're creating, then you're freeing yourself from any of the baggage that may be dragging you down. It then comes to happiness as part of how you look after yourself, how you show up for yourself. No one's going to give you this. And the interesting thing about how you show up for yourself is that there will be things as humans that we need that you might, as the particular human that you are, might not like doing. So exercise, for example, is a core part. part of being happy

19:48 getting out and walking you don't actually have to go and run a marathon or or like start karate or whatever but you do have to be fit you have to be physically energized because the chemicals inside our body that have us feel good have us feel positive have us feel motivated have us live with the level of desire and connection and and love like all these things whether it's dopamine oxytocin serotonin endorphins or the adventure chemicals of cortisol and adrenaline

20:24 these have been given to us as creatures so that we can thrive so that we can have the experience of life that we want to and when you don't look after yourself this is where the the the big part of happiness for people like the gap because people think oh i'm doing this and i've got this i should be happy nine times out of ten when i talk to people about what they're up to in their life it transpires that they're not doing 75 of what i would consider as the high value man way of being are the positives the things

21:04 that are going to lift you up the things that are going to drive you forward the things that are going to have you wake up excited about the day ahead and go to bed feeling satisfied and fulfilled and those body chemicals that i ran through there that's not like a um a matter of opinion our bodies are actually geared up that way we do need those things you know serotonin for example and by the way i'm not to the degree that i'm an expert in these things i'm still learning learning learning learning i've been talking about them for a number of years about when you follow the fire code which is the other side of the high value man system for living it fuels your body it energizes you it drives the feel

21:58 good and reward the feel good chemicals and the reward center of our of our body and mind that we need of which all these chemicals are part of what i hadn't really clicked the dial one more time and said if you don't do these things then you're not going to have those chemicals which is going to lead you to feeling shit how do i get more motivated how do i get more happy you go to the gym i'm not doing that as if i'm doing that well that's fine we can do all this other stuff but just so you know twice three times a week if you're sweating your tits off and blowing out your ass your body is going to wake up it's literally going to be flooded with all the positive

22:38 chemicals and dopamine endorphins that come from that exercise let alone how that's a stress release to do all those things you know trust me when you're focused on breathing and running and and getting to the finish like all the other problems do start to fade into the to the background so and it's not just exercise what we read what we put into our bodies what we listen you know so in terms of food and knowledge information if you're listening and watching toxic stuff all the time you're going to be miserable i had a conversation with a guy the other day who's like locked into conspiracy theories locked

23:23 into the idea that the big man is against us and i've no doubt if you take pharmaceutical companies or whatever or big food or anything like that we are being dicked or war and who starts wars and why they make money and how that fuels weaponry and all that sort of stuff like yeah we've got no idea what's going on but unless you're going to run for president prime minister whatever it is that makes a difference i'm not sure how much any of us the rest of us can do it so then it goes back to the other end of the spectrum and you look at it and go what's my job here on this earth is it to have

24:03 a good time well yeah pretty much have kids make some money do some good for other people go on adventures see what this earth that we've been given um has available for us because only in that experience of life can you start to discover new layers and levels let's go completely random you might discover the cure for cancer but it might require you to have lived for 35 years before you decided to retrain as a doctor and blah blah blah blah blah the results that you'd never imagined were

24:42 possible suddenly become available to you that doesn't happen when you're sat at home with flipping foil on your head uh waiting for the world to end so you see the what you're up to what you're exposing yourself to matters and flipping bob on if you want to go into conspiracy theories write a book make a difference get excited about it but do it from the angle of this is what i'm creating this is my vision for a better world this who's with me on this ride because then you're up to something then there's some joy and passion because being around someone who is fearful anxious stressed out overweight bored tired miserable moody snidey

25:34 disconnected negative anxious depressed suicidal like who honestly you know even people you love and have time for how long can you put up being around with someone like that how long can you put up with living a life like that yourself that is the bottom line that is the low value death spiral it's the antithesis of the high value man way of being so this lifestyle orientation as part of happiness is a commitment to the top end which is clarity you know the living the life that you desire what does that life look like what am i up what who am i then being committed to showing up living life like the experience

26:24 of being free from the bullshit free from the blame or upset because who would want to drag that around with them you you know what that's like you know when you've when you've been around someone who's been upset or going through a divorce like or lost someone it's fine and you have compassion for them but after a while you're like are you ready to stop being sad right now because because if you are i want to go and have some fun but if if not then i'm pretty sure i don't want to go out with you tonight because it's it's hard work okay so letting that go and then into this area of commitment like what is the experience what are you going to get up to in life that's going to bridge that gap from where you are now to the

27:03 happiness that you want to get to now and there's and there's there's there's more aspects to this application side which i'm going to lead into off the back of this little story before i went to uni so we're going back to sort of being 18 19 there was a period of time there where i was pretty miserable i'd finished my gcscs as they are in england um so about 16 and i had this idea i had this vision i had i wanted to be a tv presenter now it felt a bit weird to share that with anyone it felt a bit embarrassing almost so i kind of kept it to myself i

27:42 went i left an incredible school and went and joined a college because they offered this radio and journalism what was it called like a bullshit low-level qualification um but i could do some a levels alongside it so to do those things together would have got me to to uni and would have created this whole vision i had for myself turns out when i turned there the guy that was doing the radio side of it never showed up so we had no lecturer to teach us the radio side of it and then typical young lad i didn't really look into the rest of it so what the journalism part meant was loads of writing even we had to learn shorthand which is some old-fashioned funky thing that journalists learn secretaries personal assistants learn so when someone's when you're sat there taking notes when someone's saying

28:36 timey kangaroo down sport you don't write timey kangaroo down sport you write a series of squiggles and and twists and whirls that that translate into those words i lost all energy and drive for it i was gutted and to the degree that the thing that i had as a vision disappeared i dropped out of college not full time i i planned to go back in you know six months later and basically start again without this but without the dream it took almost two and a half years for me to really get back to being happy and when i got back to being happy was when i went to university but when i went to university i had a new adventure i had a new sense of purpose the adventure was make friends have

29:25 fun learn stuff and it's only now as an adult this many years back that i could see that the reason i wanted a driving force in why I ended up so miserable at that time wasn't because of circumstances my girlfriend went off to a different university halfway up the country my dad and stepmum broke up like these were like serious life-changing things but fundamentally I had lost my my why my big vision So you have to have that why and big vision because the why and big vision will have you overcome any adversity. And then part of what was going on at uni was simply the amount of fun and being around people.

30:10 So when you go back into the commitment side of it and what you're doing and what you're up to, happiness is about experiencing life to the full. It's about enjoying your work. It's about mastering your money so you're not stressed out and exhausted each day. It's about community. It's about like what you're doing for other people, whether that's a neighbor or flipping rebooting live aid. Like how are you helping other people? And then connection, your social circle, your relationship with friends and family, the intimacy and passion in your marriage or significant partnership, like your connection to your network and mentors.

30:50 So many men lack happiness because they put all the onus on one person. Like, we're married. I haven't got time to have friends. I've got, I'm too busy at work to go out and network and meet other people or learn new stuff. So you're it. You're the person who's got to give me all my happiness. Well, then, of course, when the marriage is a little bit strained and you're not getting what you want out of the relationship, well, that's not very attractive. So passion goes, frustration creeps in, bitterness, arguments, bullshit, arguments, stress, strain, arguments, no sex, uncomfortable sleep, divorce, you know, all these things that pushed you towards the low-value death spiral.

31:38 And then fundamentally, and no surprisingly, the amount of happiness you experience in life can and should be directly attributed to the amount of fun you're having. And fun can come in all shapes and sizes. It's up to you to go out there and find it. It's up to you to have an outlook, a perspective of fun and adventure, of happiness, of choosing happiness. One of the, my dad, Maverick, amazing guy that he is, there's pretty unique, really. He has shown over the years to have been happy in the good times.

32:19 And by good, that could mean very wealthy or simply the circumstances that he found himself in that were just all positive, like where he finds himself now at 83, skint, but happy. But when he was a millionaire and we were going on Concord and cruises, definitely having a laugh. When he was on his ass, we're living in a council house and he's got 10 mates round for Sunday lunch and everybody is laughing and joking, still happiness. Not letting the experience of life drag you down, recognizing that it's an adventure. It's not one day or one week or one month or even one year.

33:01 In the course of the 75 to 80 of those that we get in terms of years, surely you're going to have some ups and downs. The opportunity though is to choose happy, is to show up as the best version of yourself and absolutely rinse life for what it's worth. And so that sense of adventure and fun, having a bucket list, setting yourself challenges, entering events, going on long walks, booking tickets to festivals or concerts eight months ahead, committing to see friends you've not seen for two years, five years, ten years, whatever it might be, picking up new hobbies, joining a singing choir. That's what I did when I was going through the divorce.

33:43 Like, stretch yourself. Go and do mad shit. Have a laugh. Watch comedy. Read things that inspire you. Happiness is a choice. And part of that is our mindset, our outlook, like creating the space for us to be happy. Another part, just as fundamentally, is the effort and energy, the exertion, the how we use this skin sack that we live in to go out and enjoy this rock that's floating around the universe that we find ourselves in.

34:21 That's the opportunity. So if you're feeling miserable right now, if you haven't got the level of happiness that you desire, have a look at what's going on for yourself and your life. and your life. How clear are you about what you're creating? How much crap are you carrying around with you? How much of the feel-good chemicals are you fueling in your body right now? Sleep, diet, exercise, knowledge, friends, fun. Like, it's up to you. It genuinely is up to you. And if you're having trouble breaking through this, it's probably because you've been putting up with it for so long or you've built this cocoon for so many years.

34:59 You can break through it. It's the happiness effect. And the moment you do, the results in your life will transform. I don't mean like click your fingers and you're going to like win the lottery, but the experience of you in life will transform. How people react back to you, the opportunities and good fortune that come your way. The amount the sun seems to shine, it will all shift because you've shifted. And that is the high value man way of being. And what would it be like for the people you love to have that version of you in your life?

35:35 What would it be like for you to have that version of you in your life? It's such a base level question that we all must get our head around because no one wants to be around a shithead. It is literally that basic. And even yourself knows that. The man in the mirror, that's the relationship number one. That's the truth that you're looking into every day. So, what do you think? Bring your comments over to the High Value Man Project group. Like literally go to highvalue manproject.com forward slash group. All the feed with the conversations and the banter is in there. It's specifically not Facebook. It's a closed community. The conversations are between the men in there from

36:20 yourself to your family to parenting to sex to fun to whatever it is, whether you want to ask a question, confide in someone, get some advice, have a laugh. We're there for it. You get the U2.0 program for free inside there. And all the other invitations and opportunities will come your way. Coming up, February the 7th, we'll be launching Prime. It's a six-week program. It's £800, like $850 for the six weeks. That gives you two months membership into the inner circle. It gives you meditation for men that don't meditate. We've got the relationship reset happening around Valentine's Day, which you'll get a free access to that, which is normally £100, $120.

37:05 Like, there's so much that's going to be available for you inside of Prime to land just before Easter with our face-to-face in-person completion event. It's going to be absolutely brilliant. So get yourself, if you go to highvalue manproject.com forward slash Prime hyphen intro or prime dash info, intro, not info, intro, that'll get you there. Just go and join the group. All the information's in there as well. Subscribe and share. Pass this on to other men in your life who you know are miserable bastards and need to hear this message.

37:41 Happiness is a commitment. It's a choice. So guys, I want you to absolutely get out there and get it and live the life that you desire, not one that you feel stuck in. Let's go. Thanks for tuning in to the Johnny Jensen show. Be sure to subscribe, leave a review and share it with fellow dads. Creating the life you deserve starts with you. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvalumanproject.com. Let's go.