The Secret to Being a Happy Man and Dad (And Why Most Men Miss It)

00:00 The secret to being a happy dad and man, and why most men miss it. You know happiness isn't mindset It's the way you show up for yourself in your life that makes the difference. Roll theme! Welcome to The Jonnie Jensen Show where modern dads discover how to create the true riches relationships and results they deserve Get your High Value Man blueprint and join our community at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go Welcome men to The Jonnie Jensen Show. It's good to have you here, 2026 a whole new year, a whole new chapter, a chance for you and me to go on a journey, a 12 month journey to really see exactly what we can create out of this New Year. This kind of time of year always comes with resolutions and fresh starts, new impetus

01:02 But of course, those things fade away pretty damn quick and we find ourselves back in the routine. Well High Value Man Project is about creating the life that you desire not one you feel stuck in being the man and dad that you want to be so I thought we would kick off this year's podcast with a focus on happiness I've had a number of conversations over the last couple of weeks and what really struck me underneath the challenges, underneath what these guys said was going well or not going well was a fundamental sense of happiness. Of actually enjoying the life that they were living that they wanted to create and so it's something that's actually really

01:55 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen Show, Both, not just around the marriage. It's very easy to come back to all the marriage and divorce and everything that went on around there but there has been times before, times with other girlfriends, times with jobs that weren't going in the way I wanted them too maybe money or just experiences of life There are periods in life where we don't necessarily feel that happy And it has taken me this journey whether thats

02:36 The coaching and personal development journey, or whether it's just the journey of life being a kid, being a teenager, being a young adult, being a young man. Being a man, being a husband, being a dad like there is a journey that we go on right? And discovering what happiness truly means is an essential part of that journey because so many men get it wrong And that's what the High Value Man Project is all about. Giving men a system for living, a blueprint that has them show up for themselves And create the life that they desire. Now, you can have your faith that's fine and you can have your own like upbringings in the way that you like doing things but most of us aren't taught exactly how to put this thing into place as you would've heard me say before The Secrets Of Success aren't actually that secret it just that most of us won't do what it takes

03:31 And it's through an insane amount of reading and studying, and general interest that I find myself with this level of knowledge. Now other people might get to that place in their own way you know obviously Having been around church for a time as, you know charismatic Christian growing up with Christian parents. You get a degree of this with faith as well so some people might say oh they're really happy because of what God gives them but even that I'm gonna question because what happens when and this was a very personal experience like

04:16 And you're on your ass struggling day by day to really get the energy up to do what it takes. Simply praying and hoping for the best isn't enough, and this is my quirky view on religion is that if you're going hang with the whole God idea and he gave us these bodies to live in then He also gave us these brain and body chemicals, the reward centre Neurological, physiological science side of our bodies which require us to be in action. Which require us to have clarity and drive and be going after life. Which requires us to actually enjoy the good times and the bad times because that's what we're here to do!

05:02 As I say, we're the only creature on earth that really wakes up in the morning and decides how they're going to feel that day. If David Attenborough's live... Is it David Attenborough? I always get the two muddled up! Anyway, The Bearded Guy Who Does The Nature Programmes. If you listening Mr Attenborough, You can ring me up and tell me if i've got this wrong but I don't think dolphins wake up in the morning and go oh how do I feel today Shall I go and swim and jump around and have a laugh or shall I sit here and be miserable? I don't think a dolphin does that. I don't know, right but i'm pretty sure it's us humans that do that so what I want to talk today about is this like reframe of happiness and how you capture happiness and cement into your life

05:46 If any part of what we talk about today resonates with you, then I want to invite you to come over to the High Value Man Project. We have our community over on School Group or on school which you can get to by going to highvaluemanproject.com forward slash group The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen Show,

06:27 The High Value Man System for Living. Really reconnecting with who you are and what you want, and then putting the systems and structure in place or the habits and routines to actually create that not guru hype, not hustle, not tipping your life upside down...the actual practical day-to-day things that us as men need to thrive! Reconnecting with our The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen Show,

07:06 So, highvaluemanproject.com forward slash group everybody that joins that group gets the opportunity to have a free power call with me it's not sales call is just an opportunity to find out exactly what you're up to what you're looking to create and then I can feed into that if you like the sound of how that comes across then you can talk about joining some of those programs okay Podcast, share it with others. Subscribe give me a review on Apple podcasts or Spotify is dead easy but please make sure you do I need more reviews over there and definitely subscribe because you'll get this straight to you the day it comes out so happiness

07:49 I've actually looked, not just looked. I have actually read books on happiness and I always get my or basically if you there's a High Value Man book list the ultimate booklist part one. I'm pretty sure I'll put it in the show notes but i'm pretty sure it's highvaluemanproject.com forward slash book list you see what I did there? And that will get you that but one of them is called The Happiness Effect And it's like a Harvard study into happiness. And you get to understand when you dig into this that happiness is very much about your mindset, it's about how you approach life, it's about your outlook on things. You know some people dance in the rain other people run and look for cover like it's the same rain but for different people it's the different experiences and

08:46 That's the opportunity that we all have in life. You know, a lot of people's upset comes from focusing on the wrong things And that in itself is, dials into you get what you think about all the time. You get what you focus on where energy goes or where attention goes energy flows like these sound like cliched kind of personal development though that sounds nice Jonnie! What a load of bollocks no actually the science of how our bodies work is that does happen Like where we focus is where the energy goes. If you play any kind of sport, unless you're like seriously, seriously bloody good at it and can do some sort of no look drive off the teeth generally speaking where we like look is where the ball is going to end up that's the direction it goes that's how our bodies are geared to work and so happiness is the same

09:45 And of course some people say, oh yeah but you don't understand this has happened to me. I've lost my mum, my dad got divorced when i was a teenager. I got an absolute hiding on multiple occasions and it was terrifying like they could just go on and on we lost everything and we lived in a crappy house that it was that we didn't expect like no matter how good or bad your experience of life is some people are millionaires I'm trying to swear less on the podcast because then I have to do less ticking boxes when I publish it. But you get my point, like skin and happy is possible right? So that's just your mindset. That's just how your outlook on life, your circumstances do not have to dictate your mood or experience of life. When you understand that it gives you infinite power

10:46 To overcome any adversity, to experience life in a positive way. To keep moving towards the vision that you hold true for yourself. You see it's happiness is not a motivation problem. It's about the design of the life that you're living into and that's the important thing here. It's it's a number of aspects to how you show up in your life that will give you happiness So you can, let me start to break this down into clear things. Okay? So the first part is less to say mindset is knowing what you want and actively going after it that is a definition of fulfillment is knowing what you want and knowing your actively going after it if one of those is present and the other one is off your feel life will feel weird where you'll feel disconnected You won't feel like anything is really that rewarding

11:44 Being in a dead-end job with no possible future is demoralizing. Being in what others might seem like a dead end job because it's helping you save to go on around the world trip, is infinitely easier and I dare say almost uplifting. And Victor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning book That dives into this beautifully, you know. How did he cope through Nazi concentration camps compared to other people? The second part of that of course is actually taking the time to know what you want, to know what it is that you're up to on this earth and that's not the same as having it. People get hung up in this thing of like well what's the point if I can't have it

12:34 The very point is that you're setting it out there in front of you as a destination, as a target. You're working towards and too many people through the slings and arrows of life will give up on their dreams or give up on all the hopes and aspirations they have to see it in relationships. And I want to get back sort of more to the heart relationships in this because that's where so many men find their This

13:29 That's a curious aspect of modern life that we all have to face, but having your own clear vision will see you through that. Knowing who you are, your strengths, your weaknesses, your passions, your commitments, your values so that you're living in alignment with that. If you put diesel into a petrol car it breaks pretty quick I know because i've done it and it's expensive But it's the same for us. If we're living a life, if we're in a job relationship or any other part of it that is completely inconsistent with who we are then it will break us pretty quick and then the next part of happiness really is living with some kind of regret and upset some kind of heavy baggage

14:22 This is just part of life. It's just what we have to put up with, it's just what we have to do but it really isn't lugging around upset and regret frustration blame is not just heavy like a heavy burden but it is actually toxic The Different experiences of life show up in different parts of our body as pain, as struggle. You might have seen those socks you can put on and you massage your little toe and it fixes a headache or things like this right? Lower back pain can often be attributed to experiences of sexual abuse so

15:21 Working this through, did a bit of research, chatted to the guy and then passed it on to the guys working with. Now there's various elements to this some of which might be this physical side of it, the manifestation of toxic upset and another part of it could just be the real health, the benefit of getting things complete with people So this, I'll spare the details but forgiving the person who he had experienced the sexual abuse from was pivotal really. Now forgiveness is not the same as forgetting and i know this experience myself right you don't have to forget what someone did to you in terms of pay attention to what that person is really like because they might just rear their head down the line and bite you the same way they did before

16:16 But forgiveness, understanding compassion taking a level of responsibility for that for what went on yourself. Seeing what life may have been like for them at that time or how they grew up and what led them to be like that towards you. Fundamentally responsibility looks like you put yourself in that situation with that person most of the time unless you've been I'm Be angry at them for the rest of your life when you chose to put yourself in that relationship. So forgiveness is really forgiving yourself as much, in fact 99% of it is forgiving yourself as much as the 1% forgiveness you're giving to that other person. You're cutting yourself free from the upset

17:27 And any level of blame and resentment, frustration. You see this in relationships people inside unhappy relationships blaming the other person for the way things are it wouldn't be like this if you weren't like that things would better if you were more X or Y If we had sex then I would be happy Like all these factors may come into it but The amount of people that don't talk about these things. They keep it locked up inside or they've tried to talk about it but nothing happens so now they just keep on with the frustration. It's very hard to be happy when you're carrying around a load of shit, it really is because even if someone said I'm happy this is all going on and I'm happy...it's not! It's giving you an experience of life that

18:20 The frustration, unhappiness blame resentment. So what would it be like to put all that down so that your experience of life was just you? Come into things as your true self with the ability to have conversations the way that you wanted them to go, to show up with the confidence and freedom to say and be however you wanted to be So happiness has to have a clean slate and, okay. Happiness has to have the intention of having a clean slate. It's a completely different person. I put so much importance into that area we call it courage inside of the 3XC formula which is part of The High Value Man system for living.

19:08 Now with a clear picture of who you are and what you're creating, then your freeing yourself from any of the baggage that may be dragging you down. It then comes to happiness as part of how you look after yourself, how you show up for yourself. No one's going to give you this and And the interesting thing about how you show up for yourself is that there will be things as humans that we need, that you might, as the particular human that you are might not like doing. So exercise for example is a core part of being happy getting out and walking. You don't actually have to go and run a marathon or,

19:53 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen Show, Because the chemicals inside our body that have us feel good, have us feel positive. Have us feel motivated. Have us live with the level of desire and connection and love like all these things whether it's dopamine oxytocin serotonin endorphins or the adventure chemicals of cortisol and adrenaline These have been given to us as creatures So that we can thrive, so that we can have the experience of life that we want to. And when you don't look after yourself this is where the big part of happiness for people like the gap because people think oh I'm doing this and i've got this I should be happy

20:48 Nine times out of ten, when I talk to people about what they're up to in their life it transpires that they're not doing 75% of what i would consider as the high value man way of being are the positives. The things that are going to lift you up, the things that are going to drive you forward, the things that are gonna have you wake up excited about the day ahead and go to bed feeling satisfied and fulfilled And those body chemicals that I ran through, there's not like a matter of opinion. Our bodies are actually geared up that way. We do need those things you know?

21:34 I'm Fire Code, which is the other side of the high value man system for living. It fuels your body. It energizes you. It drives the feel good and reward... The feel-good chemicals in the reward center of our body and mind that we need, of which all these chemicals are part of. What I hadn't really clicked the dial one more time and said if you don't do these things then you're not going to have those chemicals which is going to lead you to feeling shit

22:17 How do I get more motivated? How do I get more happy? You go to the gym. I'm not doing that as if i'm doing that well, that's fine we can do all this other stuff but just so you know twice three times a week If you're sweating your tits off and blowing out your arse Your body is going to wake up it's literally gonna be flooded with all the positive Chemicals and dopamine, endorphins that come from that exercise. Let alone how it's a stress release to do all those things you know? Trust me when you're focused on breathing and running and getting to the finish like all the other problems do start to fade into the background so it's not just exercise what we read what we put into our bodies what we listen

23:08 You know, so in terms of food and knowledge information. If you're listening to watching toxic stuff all the time you're going to be miserable! I had a conversation with a guy the other day who's like locked into conspiracy theories locked into the idea that The Big Man is against us and I've no doubt if you take pharmaceutical companies or whatever or big food or anything like that we are being dicked Or war and who starts wars and why they make money, how that fuels weaponry and all that sort of stuff. Like yeah we've got no idea what's going on but unless you're gonna run for president or prime minister whatever it is this makes a difference I'm not sure how much any of us the rest of us can do it so then it goes back to the other end of the spectrum when you look at it go what's my job here? On this earth... Is it to have a good time

24:04 Well, yeah pretty much. Have kids make some money do some good for other people go on adventures see what this earth that we've been given has available for us because only in that experience of life can you start to discover new layers and levels Let's go completely random. You might discover the cure for cancer, but it might require you to have lived for 35 years before you decided to retrain as a doctor and blah blah blah blah blah... The results that you'd never imagine were possible suddenly become available to you! That doesn't happen when you're sat at home with flippin foil on your head waiting for the world to end so

24:57 What you're exposing yourself to matters. And flipping Bob on, if you want to go into conspiracy theories write a book make a difference get excited about it but do it from the angle of this is what I'm creating this is my vision for a better world who's with me on this ride because then you're up to something then there's some joy and passion Because being around someone who is fearful, anxious, stressed out, overweight, bored, tired, miserable, moody, snidey, disconnected, negative, anxious, depressed suicidal. Like who honestly

25:43 You know, even people you love and have time for. How long can you put up being around with someone like that? How long can you put up with living a life like that yourself? That is the bottom line! That is the low value death spiral it's the antithesis of the high-value man way of being so this lifestyle orientation as part of happiness is a commitment to The top end, which is clarity. You know the live in the life that you desire? What does that life look like? Who am I then being committed to showing up living life like the experience of being free from the bullshit free from the blame or upset because who would want to drag that around with them? You know what that's like when you've been around someone who's been upset or going through a divorce

26:40 I'm Now, and there's more aspects to this application side which I'm going to lead into off the back of this little story. Before I went to uni so we're going back to sort of being 18-19, there was a period of time there where I was pretty miserable. I'd finished my GCSE as they are in England

27:29 Um, so about 16 and I had this idea. Had this vision. I wanted to be a TV presenter now it felt a bit weird to share that with anyone. It felt a bit embarrassing almost. So I kind of kept it to myself. I went...I left an incredible school and went and joined a college because they offered this radio and journalism what was it called? Like a bullshit low level qualification um But I could do some A-levels alongside it. So to do those things together would have got me to uni and would have created this whole vision that I had for myself

28:06 Turns out when I turned there, the guy that was doing the radio side of it never showed up. So we had no lecturer to teach us the radio side of it and then typical young lad, I didn't really look into the rest of it so what the journalism part meant was loads of writing even we had to learn shorthand which is some old fashioned funky thing that Journalists learn, secretaries personal assistants learn. So when someone's... When you're sat there taking notes when someone saying um... Timey Kangaroo Downsport! You don't write timey kangaroo down sport you write a series of squiggles and twists and whirls that translate into those words I lost all energy and drive for it i was gutted

28:53 And to the degree that, the thing that I had as a vision disappeared. I dropped out of college not full time. I planned to go back in six months later and basically start again without this but without The Dream it took almost two and a half years for me to really get back to being happy. And when I got back to being happy was when I went to university When I went to university, I had a new adventure. Had a new sense of purpose The adventure was make friends have fun learn stuff And it's only now as an adult this many years back that I could see the reason, a driving force in why I ended up so miserable at that time wasn't because of circumstances. My girlfriend went off to different university halfway up the country my dad and step-mom broke up like these were like serious life changing things but fundamentally

29:53 I had lost my why, my big vision. So you have to have that why and big vision because the why and big vision will have you overcome any adversity. And then part of what was going on at uni was simply the amount of fun in being around people. When you go back into the commitment side of it and what you're doing and what you're up to... Happiness is about experiencing life to the full It's about enjoying your work. It's about mastering your money so you're not stressed out and exhausted each day. It's about community, it's like what are you doing for other people? Whether that's a neighbor or flipping rebooting Live Aid... How are you helping other people?

30:38 And then connection, your social circle. Your relationship with friends and family the intimacy and passion in your marriage or significant partnership like your connection to your network and mentors so many men lack happiness because they put all the onus on one person like we're married I haven't got time to have friends i've got too busy at work to go out and network and meet other people learn new stuff so you're it You're the person who's got to give me all my happiness. Well, then of course when the marriage is a little bit strained and you're not getting what you want out of the relationship well that's not very attractive so passion goes frustration creeps in bitterness arguments bullshit arguments stress strain arguments no sex uncomfortable sleep divorce you know all these things that push you towards the low value death spiral

31:37 And then fundamentally, and no surprisingly the amount of happiness you experience in life can and should be directly attributed to the amount of fun you're having. And fun can come in all shapes and sizes it's up to you to go out there and find it It's up to you to have an outlook a perspective of fun and adventure Of happiness... of choosing happiness One of my dad's maverick, amazing guy that he is. He was pretty unique really. He has shown over the years to have been happy in the good times and by good that could mean very wealthy or simply the circumstances that he found himself in that were just all positive like where he finds himself now at 83 skin but happy but

32:32 When he was a millionaire and we were going on Concord & Cruises, definitely having a laugh. When he was on his arse, we're living in the council house and he's got 10 mates round for Sunday lunch and everybody is laughing and joking still happiness! Not letting the experience of life drag you down. Recognizing that it's an adventure, it's not one day or one week or one month or even one year in the course of the 75 to 80 of those that we get in terms of years surely you're going to have some ups and downs? The opportunity though is to choose happy! Is to show up as the best version of yourself and absolutely rinse life for what its worth

33:18 So that sense of adventure and fun, having a bucket list setting yourself challenges entering events going on long walks booking tickets to festivals or concerts eight months ahead committing to see friends you've not seen for two years five years ten years whatever it might be picking up new hobbies joining the singing choir. That's what I did when i was going through the divorce like stretch yourself go and do mad shit Have a laugh, watch comedy. Read things that inspire you. Happiness is a choice and part of that is our mindset, our outlook like creating the space for us to be happy. Another part just as fundamentally is the

34:10 The effort and energy, the exertion. How we use this skin sack that we live in to go out and enjoy this rock that's floating around the universe that we find ourselves in? That's the opportunity! So if you're feeling miserable right now... If you haven't got the level of happiness that you desire have a look at what's going on for yourself and your life how clear are you about what you're creating how much crap are you carrying around with you The feel-good chemicals are you fueling in your body right now. Sleep, diet exercise knowledge friends fun like it's up to you! It genuinely is up to you and if you're having trouble breaking through this it's probably because you've been putting up with it for so long or you built this cocoon for so many years You can break through it. It's the happiness effect

35:03 And the moment you do, the results in your life will transform. I don't mean like click your fingers and you're going to win the lottery but the experience of you in life will transform how people react back to you, the opportunities and good fortune that come your way, the amount the sun seems to shine it will all shift because you've shifted. And that is the high value man way of being And what would it be like for the people you love to have that version of you in your life? What would it be like for YOU, to have that version of you in your life. It's such a base level question that we all must get our head around because no one wants to be around a shithead! It is literally THAT basic and even yourself knows that... The man in the mirror That's relationship number one That's the truth that you're looking into every day So