The No1 Reason Men Feel Stressed And Burnt Out And How To Fix It

00:00 There is a simple reason that men feel worn out and weak and you can fix it totally on yourself. When was the last time you sharpened your edge? Not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Role theme. Welcome to the Johnny Jensen Show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches, relationships, and results they deserve. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community at highvalue manproject.com. Let's go. Hello, men. Welcome to the latest episode of the Johnny Jensen show.

00:41 Whether you're watching live on the various socials, YouTube, Facebook, LinkedIn, or you're tuning in for the podcast, it's great to have you here. My name is Johnny Jensen. I am the founder and head coach of the High Value Man Project. And this is the Johnny Jensen show. Fundamentally, we are supporting men, dads, business-owning men around the world to create the life they desire instead of living one that they feel stuck in. That is being the man they want to be. They deserve to be at home as well as work. And nearly ditched the whole thing there. Got to watch what you click when you're making hand gestures.

01:21 And in this episode, we're going to focus on something that got brought into sharp focus this week when I was talking to a new guy I'm working with one-on-one. That is working through the high value man system for living, doing it one-on-one. You know, we call it a high-value man elite. And that is a 12-week program in the initial stages. And many men go on and end up working with me one-on-one beyond that. I can't fit hundreds of those kind of guys in, which is why we also have the inner circle.

01:58 And you can get involved in both of those by either commenting on wherever you're watching, listening to this, or coming over to the base camp, which is our group where everything kicks off, which is at the highvalumanproject.com forward slash group. That's highvalumanproject.com forward slash group. This subject, it's about, it's actually quite, what I'll do is I'll sort of, I'll allude to the topic before dropping it in because it's really easy for men to switch off when they feel like I'm going to say something that they already know to feel like, oh yeah, well, I've tried that, but it's, but it doesn't make any difference.

02:37 And this particular subject, I was talking in a men's group on Facebook this about 10 days ago. And this guy was like, yeah, but you don't understand. My kids are little. They're babies. You know, I'm exhausted. You don't understand. I was like, well, okay, first of all, I've got two kids. So I definitely do understand. And second of all, that reason isn't going to help you right now. And it doesn't mean that we can operate at our optimum level at all stages of life. Of course, there's circumstances. There's things going on. But if who you are fundamentally, like your baseline is showing up for yourself, running an operating system that gives you the results that you desire, then whatever the circumstances, you know, whether it's hot or cold, whether you've got a baby or you've got a teenager, how you're going to

03:31 show up is in the best possible state of mind, the best possible physical state, the most grounded emotional state to deal with anything that life throws at us. And that's what's so important. That's what too many men get wrong. And somewhere where I've, you know, first, I don't say about first learned this, but working what really hit home to me early on in my personal development, self-development journey was reading Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Now, as usual, the camera's briefly gone off again. There it comes. Come back. I've been trying to fix that for weeks.

04:17 Anyway, the get my brain back on track. Yes, Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. It's a book. This is the reason why I didn't want to bring it up first to early doors, right? It's a book that every man should read. Every man and woman should read, quite honestly. I've given it to my kids. Have they read it yet? No, not of course, not at all, but that's because they're kids. Very few kids, you know, will do what it takes. I gave my boy the teenage version of Think and Grow. No, not Think and Grow Rich. Of Rich Dad, Poor Dad. I gave him an awesome book for teenagers called How My Brain Works.

05:00 Again, epic book. I actually read it myself and no won't read it. But then I think back to when I was a teenager, would I have read these things if my dad gave it to me? Probably not. My dad said to me once, I think it was probably after one of my various breakups and heartbreaks. He said, My dad never told me nothing, so I'm not telling you nothing. And besides, you wouldn't have listened anyway. If ever I say, my dad said this, he probably said it with a load more swear words in. Do you remember that Twitter feed? I think it was called Shit My Dad Says. And then they turned it into a TV show with William Shatner.

05:41 Shat being the operative word because it was pretty poor. But the Twitter feed was fun. So sharpen the sword. It's the seventh habit in the book, right? And this is my take on it. So this isn't, you know, if you've read the book and you're thinking, oh, well, I'm going to switch off this podcast now, please don't. And I'm not just going to run through them like, do this, do this, do this. This is my experiences. And, you know, in reflection of that guy that says, yeah, but you don't understand. It's about addressing each one in a way that we can understand it and actually set about doing it. Now, the idea of sharpening the sword really spoke to me almost instantly.

06:21 Now, it's not, I don't, I don't have a sword. I'm not often engaging in battle reenactments, but I don't suppose you are either. Or even chopping down a tree with an axe. Of course, if you've got a sharp axe, the tree is going to get chopped down much, much better. But a tomato, a tomato. If you've ever tried to cut a veg with a blunt knife, you'll know what an absolute saga it is. And in particular, a tomato. If the knife is sharp, the tomato gets cut beautifully. Nice slice through. Same in meat, right? Obviously. But if you try and cut a tomato with a blunt knife, you just end up with this flipping mush

07:02 on the chopping board. And that is what I'm talking about. If you, as a man, approach your life as a blunt instrument, you're going to struggle. You're going to create mush and mess everywhere in the moment, after the moment. It's kind of obvious. It is obvious. You know, you've built the business, you've got the family, you're going through the motions, you're thinking everything should be awesome, and yet it isn't. So why is that? You're this, she's that. Why do you fed up with doing this? It's not like I'm, it shouldn't be like this. Well, do you know what? The number one reason men feel fed up and worn out, you know, weak and pissed off, lost and stressed, whichever combination of that might sound,

07:50 might resonate with you. It comes back to the foundational element of the high-value man system for living, which is taking responsibility for yourself. And sharpening the sword is about taking responsibility for yourself. You know, I've got a quote here: success without self-awareness is just ego in a suit. Success without self-awareness is just ego in a suit. It's like if you don't know the man in the mirror, if you're not showing up for yourself, then you're just a shell. That's basically what that's saying. And this sharpening the sword is exactly like that.

08:27 And if we look at the fire code, right, which is the habits and routines inside the high value man project, you can see how the elements of sharpening the sword across your mental, physical, emotional health can be optimized, how you can take control of them. And when you're doing that, no matter what the conditions or circumstances are, you get to show up. You get to feel like you're in control, not dominating or bossing people around, not patriarchal, not flipping the M-word, you know. We're just showing up as confident, charismatic, strong men, ready to lead in our lives. And that's what, that's what the, that's the essence of this. Okay. So

09:16 focus. Looking at yourself in terms of an operating system, okay, how your brain is really getting through the day. And if the brain was that blade that we were talking about, how can a foggy mind be feeling control? How can a foggy mind manage a strained conversation, right? Now, how do we get our mind clear is there's various ways. But we'll come on to sleep. and diet and stuff in one of the actions but clearing your mind as a habit whether that's journaling whether that's meditating and by the way meditating doesn't mean laying down somewhere meditating can be going for a walk on a regular basis people that have a

10:11 dog and go out in the fresh air in the countryside you know go out for a walk on a you know on a on a twice daily basis they're going to have a clearer mind that is a meditative process for some people uh reading is meditative right now now obviously when you're reading you're not necessarily getting your thoughts down which is one of the magical things about journaling now you say this to men and they're like oh i'm not bloody doing that i'm not saying that i do it every day even though i recognize the value of it and enjoy doing it so but doing it on a consistent basis if you struggle with sleep journaling before you go to bed it's really just saying

10:50 how's the day gone what am i like what what did i get done what didn't i get done what do i need to do tomorrow like that's clearing your mind so rather than falling asleep and having it there present and whirling around you'd like you know that the intention of that is that it goes down on paper and you're you're left clear to sleep this this processing if you think about a computer this processing um period would seem obvious we've got this machine in our head that's that's that's handling thousands of thoughts every second let alone every day more than we even realize and if you want to clear your mind then you've got to get some of it down and one of the the sort of the the hidden benefits of this is it's not

11:39 just about what you're putting down on the paper your brain is going into a state where it's creating new thoughts you're you're giving it the freedom like the subconscious mind you're giving it the freedom to process these stresses or these ideas or these um new avenues and that's where you get moments of inspiration that's where you come up with solutions to things uh whether you know when you're jumping in the shower or or driving along the motorway it's not by chance and the more you clear your mind the more your mind will flourish okay number two um impact right

12:20 we i'm bastardizing the the fire code a little bit here but that's because i want to you know drop in some other uh elements as we go through it right impact in the fire code is around um money and business and and and and your community like how are you showing up for yourself professionally raising your standards in this area is absolutely vital and who you associate with is part of this the people in your inner circle your your mentors your your network the people that you work with or partner with or collaborate with

12:59 the you know there's the old expression of you are the sum total of the of the five people you spend the most time with or other versions of that that you'll that you'll come across if you're the smartest man in the room then you're definitely in the wrong room it's the it's a rising tide that you need to be in control of now it's kind of fun to go and and give a talk somewhere or or be that figurehead but not all the time you've got to constantly be challenging yourself by networking and learning and and being associated with people who are operating on the level above you or even too above you that's how you move up that's how you sharpen

13:39 the sword okay imagine staying in school and constantly being kept back they don't do that in in england but in america you see on tv they're keeping me back my american friends and family can you know and drop us a comment let me know exactly what that experience is like as if you've been through it but you know um i'm not a hugely religious person but in terms of the the wisdom that we find in faith you know iron sharpens irons proverbs 27 17. you you've got to realize you know it's it's it's the people that you put yourself around is going to determine how you sharpen function

14:22 number three your relationships it's about connecting with the people you're closest to and if you'd say to me as many men do i don't have enough friends or i don't see my my family or i'm not connected to to my kids this this is a huge impact on how men experience life how men you know the the experience of being detached of being isolated is exhausting exhausting. It's like a dimmer switch on a room that is slowly being turned down and down and down. If you're not putting yourself around other people, if you're not feeling connected and supported, let alone loved, then

15:05 the juice in your life is going to drain away. And it's not difficult, right? In the same way that the networking and mentoring isn't difficult. And by the way, how do you just jump back a second? How do you get, you know, connect and put yourself around a higher state of people? It's about joining a brotherhood of men, like the High Value Man Project. You might sign up for a business program. Now, we do talk about business leadership and we do work on business leadership in the high value man. But in terms of the baseline functioning of your business, you might be an accountant. You might be a marketing agency owner. Like what masterminds are out there?

15:50 And if you don't have the money or the inclination to do that, you could at least be in a LinkedIn group or a Facebook group around that particular subject. You've got to take, you know, you've got to take the initiative and put yourself into those groups. If you live in a city, it doesn't even have to be a big city, but in the UK, the likes of Brighton and Cambridge and Bristol, Manchester, Liverpool, like these, they've got hubs of creativity. They've got hubs of technology. Are you going there for their events? Are you turning up at the networking opportunities? If you're not, then what hope do you have of feeling like you're moving forward?

16:33 You just don't. And if you're not moving forward, you're moving backwards. And so bringing that into relationships, which we were just talking about, number three, making the time for your wife, for your children, putting a list of friends and family, people that you've ever felt connected and supported by in your life onto a piece of paper and then systematically calling them, making sure that you've spoken to someone once a week, spoken to a friend and family member once a week. It doesn't seem like much because it's not much. But if you're not doing it, it's nothing. And if you're doing it consistently, small, consistent actions, that's how we create compound leverage.

17:16 Then those small actions deliver big results, massive results. And the really critical thing about relationships, in particular the people you're closest to, that will probably be your wife or significant other. If that relationship is tough, then it will drag you down. You know, there's a something that happens in a lifeguard situation is that quite commonly, when a lifeguard swims out to go and rescue someone, the person that they're about to rescue literally grabs hold of them and there is a significant risk of both of you drowning. And that can happen in a relationship.

18:01 If you're not putting yourself around other people and you're focusing all your attention or all your emotional needs onto one person, then it is suffocating. The person that you love, that you want to feel inspired by and want to jump into bed with, like want passion and intimacy with, if you're requiring everything you need in your life from that person, that's not what they signed up for. And so like the lifeguard dragging that person down, even though she loves you and you love her, it's probably shit. It's probably a tough experience because that's not, that's not who she wanted to be for you. That's not who you should expect her to be for you. And that's why you need these other people in your life.

18:43 That's why you need to make quality time for your partner, for your kids, for yourself to see your friends and family and to have fun. So number four, which in the fire code is E for energy. And, you know, and if you don't have enough energy, then how do you expect to show up and function? And of course, there will be times when you've got babies or you're going to be doing hard work. One of the guys in the High Value Man project, he's just been launching a new business and the guy's a machine. He's been telling me how he's been pulling these kind of almost all-nighters or waking up at two o'clock in the morning with his brain full of ideas.

19:27 And then we have our session together and he looks like, shit, he's exhausted and bags. I'm like, what is going on? He's like, I'm building something. I was like, okay, well, just make sure that you don't flip and run out of steam before you get out the tunnel like a swimmer. right? Like one of those Iron Man, shut the Iron Man who like mud challenges or tough mudder or the ultimate one in the UK that kicked it all off as a tough guy. You go through that tunnel, you know, you know where the end is, but you've got to get to it before you run out of air. Otherwise, you are screwed. You have to be opt, you have to be operating at a level that is enough to get you through

20:13 the period you're going through. And fundamentally, there's a baseline to that as well, right? Get you through any situation. And that is your sleep. That is your diet. That is your hydration. Like, it's like there should never be a moment in life where you say, oh, I just didn't have time for that. Like, you like, it just doesn't make sense. One of the crazy things I see with men who just having little kids is when they both get up to do the nighttime feed, that doesn't make any sense. It's like, it's like a like, I get it's nice. Or she might be saying, I need you to be awake and support me. Like, no. What you need to do is realize that one of you does, you know, up till 11 o'clock midnight.

20:58 Then you sleep from 1 till 5 a.m. And then she sleeps from 5 a.m. till 8 a.m. There's some sort of system there by you optimize the opportunity for you both to get enough sleep so that you can function. And that's a really literal example or the busy work period is a literal example. But somewhere in amongst us, you've got to make sure that you're getting enough sleep. You've got to make sure that you're fit and strong. You don't need a six pack. You don't need to win a flipping Olympic gold medal.

21:34 But if you can't do 25 press-ups, if you can't run jog 5K in somewhere between 25 and 30 minutes, then you're not fit. If you're lifting your gut up to get underneath it and wash those creases in the shower, you're not fit. And that's on you. That is sharpening the sword. If you were put into a battle, like if we all got flipping conscripted, which may bloody happen, like, are you ready? You know, you get, your wife wants to jump your bones and you're going to have a weekend of passion.

22:17 Are you ready for some real awesome sex? Or are you just out of shape, self-conscious, not going to get past flipping half an hour of sweating and going at it? Like, that's not okay. And you can take control of this at any time. You can sharpen the sword of this at any time. Seven or eight hours sleep a night, or at least on average, hitting the gym three or four times a week. And if you can't do that, doing it at home, getting out and doing at least one 5K run or jog a week. Protein. Like not enough men know about what they're putting into their body, how they're fueling their body. On a day-to-day basis, the amount of protein you should be eating-you know, eggs, cheese-um,

23:02 why does the mind always go blank? Totally gone back. Greek yogurt, even meat, you know, different types of meat are going to have protein levels in it, or you supplement it with a protein shake, right? Inside the high-value man inner circle, we've got a couple of nutritionists who speak on a regular basis and really give you input and guidance on what you're eating as fitness instructors as well. But this baseline of 1.2 grams per kilogram of body weight is a really good guide for the amount of protein you should be getting into your body. And that is across the day. That is how you give yourself the energy and strength to get through the day.

23:46 And of course, hydration. Waking up, drinking a pint of water when you wake up is one of the most simple habits that I've implemented across my life in the last 10 years. Someone said it to me about 10 years ago: drink filtered water. The moment you wake up, drink a pint of water. It wakes you up. It flushes your body. It kickstarts every part of you, let alone that just gets you out of bed and gets you going. I was like, okay, I can do that because you can do that. You can pick a habit like that and do it. You can do 15 to 25 press-ups on the floor in your bedroom every morning, no matter where you are in the world. You can do that. So make it a function of who you are.

24:31 If you're like, oh, I've got to get fit, I'm fat, flipping oath, and I can't do it. And I don't get fit and I hate going to the gym. you've got to shift your mindset about this is who I am is fit and healthy. And you can take that another level. Who I am is dad. Who I am is flipping sexy beast with my wife. And then if you work back from that, then in order to be that, then you should be fit and strong. Then you should be energized. Which is a much better state of mind than, oh, I've got to do this because I'm fat. No, you've got to do this because you're a sexy beast, because you're dad to your kids, because you're a successful business owner.

25:15 And by the way, I love this saying, I heard it years ago and I use it all the time. Before you think you're depressed, check you're not just really fucking tired. And that is such a powerful thought about how, what's going on in your world. This episode, this, this live is called, you know, the number one reason men feel weak, worn out, and stressed. And here's how to fix it. Fundamentally, are you just really bloody tired? Because if you are, get more sleep. And then number five, do something hard.

25:53 Challenge yourself. The rut of being stuck in your comfort zone is so, so negative, so, so draining. And a challenge doesn't have to be climb Mount Everest, right? A challenge is something that is a stretch from your norm. Something that you don't necessarily like doing, but you've been told it's a benefit, right? A challenge isn't flipping, smoking a bunch of crap, right? Because that's not a challenge. Having a cold shower is a challenge. People say to me, why am I doing that? It's bloody horrible. Do it because it's horrible, but not horrible and like it's going to screw you over.

26:33 Horrible, but there's a load of really positive benefits from starting your shower cold and then having a nice shower and then finishing it cold. It isn't that nice, but the positive impact of it, by the way, having done this now for over probably 15 years, it is something that I simply can't go without. So when people say to me, oh, I don't like it, what's on the other side of you not liking it? Like when you, when you get to a point where you do like it, you value the impact of it and you then like it. That's a challenge worth getting through. And there are so many challenges that are worth getting through that you can test yourself with.

27:16 Schedule one hard thing a month. Whatever that looks like for you, fasting for a day. You know, like, why am I not going to eat for a day? Fasting has such a positive impact on you physically, right? And by the way, if you do have any medical conditions, you might want to check your doctor first. But going without food for a day isn't really a health problem for most people. It's going to do all sorts of things to your metabolism where your body will go off and look for different fat stores, different energy stores to get yourself through the day, which is likely going to benefit

27:55 your weight, like managing your weight. If you're looking to lose weight, even you're going to end up for sure on that day calorie deficient. But it's also going to then help you manage cravings on other days, right? So that one day is going to help you across other days. It's going to change your habits around food. It's also going to leave you with the experience that you can do tough things. And if you could, what you can, what you do in one area of life, you can do in all areas of lives. Can I do tough things? Can you give up coffee for a month? Can you sign up? You know, if you do park run every other week, once a month, great. Can you sign up for a 10K? Can you sign up for a mud run or some kind of, you won't get to get tickets for high rocks, but there's plenty of similar ones like it.

28:40 Could you work out a way to get into Hyrox? Did you see that this week? The London one. There were 40,000 places, apparently. The bloody thing runs across the week, like Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. When do people ever go and do, take a day off work to go and do a fitness event? 120 quid per person, 40,000 tickets. If you've ever had an idea and not followed it through, like there are some people who are making some money. So that's a challenge. You know, and giving things up, like giving up coffee, giving up beer, giving up bread, doing something like that

29:21 can teach you so much about yourself. You don't know what it's like to like give your body a caffeine detox until you've done one. And by the way, if you do do that. what caffeine does to you a month later when you have a have a coffee or have a i'm not advocating cans and monster but if you did have one like boom it's literally like rocket fuel okay so any kind of challenge and to be honest this whole sharpen the sword uh conversation is about setting yourself challenges about doing something hard on purpose getting out of your rut Because if you're feeling stressed and worn out and weak, it's probably because you're not pushing yourself.

30:06 It's because you're not clear in your mind. It's because you're not putting yourself around people that are lifting you up and inspiring you. It's because you're not feeding into your friendships and family and your support network, the love and connection you feel. It's because you're not looking after yourself physically. Your body is not set to deliver you the day, the life that you want. And it's because you're not doing anything that's outside of your comfort zone. It's because you're not challenging yourself. If who you are is a bit bored and a bit shit and don't do anything worth shouting about, then guess what? That's going to be how you feel. It's going to be how you show up and it's going to be the experience you get back from other people.

30:49 And that's why you have to transform this. It's why you have to take control of yourself in these areas. Because when you push through, when you stretch yourself, you naturally move up to that next stage. And when you don't, the exact opposite happens. You get into this downward spiral where one missed opportunity creates the next missed opportunity. If you're not looking after yourself, then your relationship won't be so good. If your relationship's not going to be so good, you're going to struggle at work. If you struggle at work, you're going to be stressed out and you won't sleep, which means you won't want to get up and do any exercise, which just makes all those other things happen even more.

31:31 And the more it happens, the more you shut down and feel like this isn't what I wanted. This isn't going how I wanted it to. This relationship, screw, what am I going to do about it? That inner turmoil, which then creates more of the downward spiral. It's perverse. It's low value. It's the antithesis of the high value man life. And that's how the concept and all the coaching and the frameworks inside the high value man project got developed. So it's not just about self-care, right? Sharpening the sword is about self-leadership for yourself, for your family, for your business.

32:09 They all depend on you having a sharp edge. Because as I said at the beginning, trying to cut that tomato with a blunt knife is an absolute mess. Slicing through it with precision and accuracy, like yourself slicing through your life with precision and accuracy is what you actually want. And that will give you the experience that you desire. I hope this has been of value and interest to you. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People is a transformational book. It kick-started my personal development journey or certainly was right in the early days of it.

32:47 And if you're not reading, if you're not expanding your mind, then you're not going to take yourself on the kind of journey that I've taken myself on that leads me here today to do episode 140 of this podcast to run the high value man project. What can you create? Who is it that you want to be? Because it's on you to get out there and do it. Please like and share this podcast. Oh, the review of the week. I can't award a review of the week prize because I was not getting any reviews of the week. Get yourself over to Apple. I should have said this at the beginning, shouldn't I? Surely. But to be fair, anyone that's listened to the end, you're the people. If you haven't left a review yet on Apple

33:31 or Spotify, then get over there and do it, which by the way, starts with you getting there and subscribing to it. Make sure you get these episodes on your device the moment they come out. On Spotify, there, there's now a little bell. I think if you click the bell, then that will subscribe you to it. And obviously on Apple podcasts, it's dead easy. Wherever you're at, click to subscribe to this podcast to get the latest episode. And if you're ready to start your high value man journey, whether that's working one-on-one with me or whether it's joining the inner circle, then get yourself over to the get yourself over to highvalumanproject.com forward slash group and that will get you into

34:12 the base camp. Or indeed, you can message me simply johnny at johnnyjenson.com or johnny at highvalumanproject.com. Too many actions for you there, but I'm sure you've got one of them. Drop me a comment here and I will get to you. Okay, men, thanks for being here. I will see you. next week. Let's go. Thanks for tuning in to the Johnny Jensen show. Be sure to subscribe, leave a review and share it with fellow dads. Creating the life you deserve starts with you. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvalumanproject.com. Let's go.