She Took Over The House ...And It's Your Fault

00:00 Men, when you feel like you've got no space or control in your home and what to do about it, let's go. Welcome to the Johnny Jensen Show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches, relationships and results they deserve. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community at highvalue manproject.com. Let's go. Men, good afternoon, good evening, welcome wherever you are at in the world and whatever time of day it is. It's great to have you here on the Johnny Jensen show. I am the founder and head coach at the High Value Man Project and here on this podcast, in this live stream, this YouTube channel, we are here creating the space for men to live the life they deserve, being the man and dad they want to be, and

00:55 ultimately feeling like they have control over their life, basically. I'm here, been a couple of weeks since I've done live, actually gone live. So we are live streaming for those that are watching. A little bit uncomfortable, actually. It's been a while with the way things have gone over the last couple of months. I've been kind of recording during the day and then publishing at the time I wanted it to go live. But here we are under the lights, under the pressure of being fully live, which in itself is actually a pretty cool thing. What it's like to be totally in the game. Now, whatever it is that you're up to, that sense of being present right here, right now in the moment, doing what you're doing, feeling it all, like no safety net,

01:44 maybe sense of, I don't know, a little bit of apprehension, a little bit of insecurity, that nagging doubt in your mind. And then what I find when I do lives or when I'm on other people's podcasts or speaking at an event, that little voice in your head is never your friend. You know, when you get to the end of it and someone says, that was awesome, or I listen back and watch it, listen to it, watch it, whatever. I'm like, okay, why the hell was I worried about that? What was all that worry about? And maybe it's good. Maybe it's good that you have a little bit of natural fear. When you listen to some famous musicians, artists, pop stars talk about how they feel before going on stage, and whether it's to 100,000 people or whether it was early on in their career

02:34 to 100 people. If you don't feel a level of, oh, shit, how's this going to go? Then maybe you're not really truly experiencing the energy, the excitement, the adrenaline of it all. So in summary, trust yourself, grab your bollocks and go for it. If you're here for the first time, then absolutely, it is my pleasure to welcome you. I don't know who shared this or how you found the Johnny Jensen show, but drop it in the comments or give me an update. If you come over to the highvalue manproject.com forward slash group, you can actually get in at the entry level into our Free Brotherhood where there is the U2.0 program and some other resources to really help you start your journey, your high value man journey.

03:19 That is to create the life that you deserve, being the man and dad that you want to be, rather than some sort of version where you feel stuck and frustrated. And that fundamentally is what today's episode is about. There has been multiple conversations over the last couple of weeks that I've had with men who have been reflecting, lamenting, if you like, on the idea of the feeling that they've got no voice, no control, and not like, not patriarchal control, just everything's given over to their wife or their partner in their home and they feel almost like they're a guest in their own house.

03:58 And this is a whole topic, you know, because it touches on a variety of elements. One is about emasculation and feeling like you have a role to play as the man in your own life, let alone as the man in your family. The other part of it is the balance inside of your relationship and what it's like when you say something or when you try and engage in a conversation, what it's like when you have an opinion. Another classic one, which was part of a message that I got from a dad this week, the idea that you go to the shops and buy things, pick up a new laundry basket or choose the cereal.

04:39 And then when you get home, you get absolutely bollockful. That's not the one we get. That's not the one we wanted, which fine. There's a degree of awareness about what cereal your kids like for sure. But the idea that you've done something wrong or you have to, when that happens, when that is stated over and over again, it chips. chips away at you. It chips away at your masculinity. It chips away at your strength inside of that relationship and ultimately your strength across your life. Because if you've been cut off at the bollocks at home, then it's going to be very hard to go into work, go into a social situation and feel like the man that you want to be. It's not necessary. But here's the kicker. It is your fault.

05:25 It is fundamentally your fault. And in order for this subject to shift, you have to take that level of responsibility. Not like blame or fault. I mean, I use the word fault, right? But not like you've seriously messed up. It's a casual lack of awareness where, you know, if you take an example, let's just say it is at home, because that's what we're talking about, where you think, okay, well, she's the mum, you know, I'm going away and to work and making all the money. And it's her job to run the family and be, you know, be the parent, which it does sound a little bit old school, but the number of times that happens, particularly men who are running their own business and perhaps the level of pressure on them or they're, you know, very career-minded men, the level of pressure on them to perform and do everything else.

06:11 They're like, well, I can't do the home thing. So you're so you do that. Now, in this 2025, 24, 26, whatever, wherever point you're listening to this world, that is increasingly less accurate. Now, whether, now, whether your wife is some big hitter as well, or whether she has a slightly less demanding, but no less important job, you know, is it right that she comes home and still has to think about all those things, still has to think about the kids' homework and school uniform and what food's in the cupboards?

06:47 And like the list goes on. So as I like to point out around that point, is if you get divorced, all those things are going to suddenly become your responsibility. Hopefully, if you can fight for it and get it, at least 50% of the time. So do it now or you're going to end up doing it anyway. And this is the point about how men can cede ground at home. They concede far too much of their voice, of their involvement, of their role inside the family home. And what happens classically in this situation is that there would be a degree of frustration that builds up. There might be a level of resentment.

07:32 So like there's festering arguments. Other men in these scenarios will detach even further. Like, well, if she's just going to take over, then solid, I'll let her. But what happens then, of course, is that, you know, in both those pathways, the relationship is going to suffer because no woman likes to feel like she's being blamed or resented. Okay. No bloke does either, right? But that's what goes on in relationships. And equally, I've forgotten what the other side was. Always a challenge. But equally, no one likes to feel that everything is being left to them.

08:11 If that was the, if that was what the other pathway was inside of your relationship, how you show up, how you structure the boundaries, how you decide, what kind of a voice you have, if it needs to be set from the beginning. And if it isn't set from the beginning, then it's time for you to realize this as the relationship starts to struggle, as you feel frustrated about the fact that all your hobbies are now out in the shed because you've got no room in the home or you're set up in some attic room. It's on you. It's on you to have set the boundaries, your personal boundaries, not her boundaries, not about what she's allowed to do or not allowed to do. It's what you desire. It's how you see things working for you. This is how I would like our relationship to work.

08:55 How does that sound to you? Is that something you want to be part of? Certainly is. Okay, great. What's your version of that? How does this relationship need to work for you? And then you start to create this balance in the home inside of your relationship. But when you don't have that conversation, when you leave the space open, someone's got to fill it. And a woman will naturally take on any space that's left open. A woman will naturally feel out of a need for security, out of a need to feel that everything is handled.

09:33 And that's not necessarily something that some women have and some women don't, you know, like all of these things, there'll be a certain scale. But from their maternal instincts, looking after, wanting to know that their family is secure, they want to know that their children are safe and looked after. If you as the man don't create leadership, don't have a voice in your family. she'll she'll step in there and take it and if you went out and found a partner who is very strong-willed very independent very much likes to have things controlled in her own way then you should have realized that when you got together that's not necessarily a negative thing against her it's just a

10:14 personality trait if it works for you great but if you find yourself in a relationship marriage six, seven, eight, 10, 15, whatever years later, and you're like, she seriously bloody controls me. I don't get to have a say in anything. I can't pick the cans of beans we use. She doesn't let me put my, you know, she only doesn't, she does all the watches. I literally don't have a voice in the house. In fact, I'm sat out in the shed. In fact, more than that, I can't wait to get out the house because of how much it does my head in. This is the impact. But if you're then turning around and feeling like, well, she's this and she's that, she's a nag, she's a twat, she's a, she's a bully, like these are things that you might traditionally hear coming in in women complaining about their men.

10:58 That's a different conversation. But for the man that's feeling like they've lost all control in their home, where did you let it go? Where did you give that up? Where are you not showing up so that she feels she has to? And now, inside of your frustration and resentment, are you just being negative towards her, holding this against her? Or are you actually stepping up, having a conversation about it, and letting her know how you really feel, asking her how she feels and what you'd like the relationship to look like? That is how you create a high-value relationship. That's how you get out of this sense of she's taken over the house and there's nothing I can bloody do about it.

11:39 Ultimately, you created it. And there's huge freedom to be found in that realization, in that reality. Because the moment you accept that you created this, even if it comes down to you bloody proposed to her, you asked her out, you shagged her, this started with you. And then you can start to have some grace either for her or the situation and accept, right? If I created this, what do I need to do to create the next chapter, the next page in this story? It's a powerful position for a man to take. It's a desirable position for a man to take.

12:21 And you can't just go and kick the bloody doors in and start demanding all this like a realization this afternoon. It has to be a soft acceptance, an acknowledgement, a conversation that you're taking to the table. And she may hear this in a way that you've never spoken about it before. Because how it comes out is you're this, you that, you never, when you, you, you, you, you, you. But the responsibility comes when you look saying, I can see, first of all, this isn't working for me. And as a result of that, I'm behaving like a bit of an ass. And I was blaming you, but what I can now see is that actually I created this.

13:04 I've been too busy outside of the home. I let you crack on with certain aspects of the kids being little without having enough of a voice or enough of or choosing to have enough involvement. I realize I left this space open that you then needed to step in. So me holding that against you, well, I'm sorry about it. Can we talk about redressing that? When men don't do this and that resentment is allowed to build up, it will come out as some kind of an outburst. And that outburst will then be a shock. It will then be turned around and used against you.

13:46 Well, you never guess what he did. He blew up at me. He shouted at me, swore at me. And that's just completely unacceptable, which arguably it is. But then you'll be like, well, it was justified because I've been eating shit sandwiches for how long? Three years, three months, whatever it might be. She needs to understand that. Well, what happened was you didn't speak up for that amount of time and then it came out the way it did. And so then what happens is that you are left with the experience of, well, I did speak up, she ignored it, and now it's even worse.

14:30 You'll then choose to wait longer before speaking next time. And it will likely come out as an even bigger outburst. Now you're into the realms of having big blow-ups about minor things. No one really knows what's going on, but the level of trust, the level of intimacy, it all just starts. running through your fingers like sand. And that's how relationships get into some level of rut and malaise and breakdown. And so you see, it's far from being her fault. There might be aspects that she needs to take responsibility for. But somewhere in amongst this, when you see, where could I lead in this situation?

15:14 What can I take responsibility for? How many times did I not speak up? And then when I did, it came out as some explosion rather than some constructive way of leading the situation forward. That's how a high value man operates. That's how you not just take control of your own life, but be the leader, not control, be the leader for your family, bringing that masculine energy as a husband, as a boyfriend, as a father that you need to show up as. Because if you don't have this at home, this is the kicker. If you don't have that at home, you won't have it anywhere else in your life.

15:50 And you'll constantly be fighting the feeling of being good enough, being strong enough, being manly enough, having a voice, being heard, being respected, being in a relationship where you feel like the woman you're with listens to you and loves you and respects you. It's twisted that so many men will do this. The essence of this, like all the conversations we have here on the Johnny Jensen show, falls into the high value man 3XC formula for living. Clarity, a clear vision about the relationship you want and the man that you want to be inside of that and your why for making that happen.

16:31 Then courage, being your true self, having the bollocks to say what needs to be said, to embrace those difficult conversations, to lead where you might need to lead, to show up in a way that makes a difference. You know, instead of blaming and resenting, could you show up in a way that is constructive and loving and gracious? That's how you be the difference. And then commitment. What does it look like over time to not just bring the subject up and then just let it drift and wander, but to actually show up, holding yourself and your family to account, taking the subject forward. Too many of us just let life drift and then wonder why it feels like a bag of shit.

17:14 It ultimately starts as a high value man with being the leader in your life. And so when you feel like she took over the house, you have to realize that somewhere along the line, you let it happen. You caused it. You created it. I hope that gives you a better opportunity as you go into a conversation with your partner or future. I don't live with my girlfriend right now. And that's a circumstantial thing rather than not having the desire to.

17:52 But what I am able to do, speaking for myself, is to bring this to our relationship on a consistent basis, to actually practice what I preach. I'm at a level of self-awareness now where I'm holding myself accountable, that I'm thinking, okay, I said this last week on the podcast. I said this last week in a room full of the high value man project, inner circle dads. Like, where am I going to show up now? How am I going to handle this next conversation such that it honors who I am and what I'm saying I'm doing? And you can be that for yourself. If you get involved with the High Value Man project, you'll learn all these things and be able to bring that to the table.

18:34 You can do that by going to thehighvalumanproject.com forward slash apply. That'll put you into a welcome series where we'll invite you to have a power call with me or one of the high value man team, basically give you some insights into how you can embrace and start on your high value man journey now. Actually have it make a difference. Start to make a difference in an area of life that's important to you. And if you like that conversation and feel like there's something available for you, then either in our group program through the inner circle or through Elite, there's generally a couple of spaces available to work with me one-on-one.

19:16 And you can create the success at home and work that you desire to be the man and dad that your family are waiting to see. That's ultimately how you can live a life on your terms where everybody else around you is thriving. Because that is truly the essence of modern masculinity. The shoulders upon which the people you love stand and thrive. free to share this podcast with other people in your life. As they say, you know, many people watching this on YouTube won't be subscribed to the channel. So please do go and subscribe. If you want to see the video of the podcast you're listening to, then go over to YouTube.

19:59 If you go to thehighvalumanproject.com forward slash video, that will take you straight to the YouTube channel. And yeah, so many, so many links I could share with you. But ultimately, get yourself either into the group or to apply to get yourself into the next intake at the High Value Man Project. It's been my absolute pleasure to be here with you this afternoon, this evening, whatever time of day it is with you. And I'll see you on the next episode. Let's go. Thanks for tuning in to the Johnny Jensen show. Be sure to subscribe, leave a review and share it with fellow dads. Creating the life you deserve starts with you.

20:41 Get your high value man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvalumanproject.com. Let's go.