She Took Over The House ...And It's Your Fault

00:00 Men, when you feel like you've got no space or control in your home and what to do about it. Let's go! Welcome to The Jonnie Jensen Show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches relationships and results they deserve. Get your High Value Man blueprint and join our community at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go! Men good afternoon good evening welcome wherever you are in the world or whatever time of day it is great to have you here on The Jonnie Jensen Show I am the founder & head coach at The High Value Man Project

00:42 On this podcast in this live stream, this YouTube channel we are here creating the space for men to live the life they deserve being the man and dad they want to be and ultimately feeling like they have control over their life basically. I'm here It's been a couple of weeks since I've done live, actually gone live. So we are live streaming for those that are watching... A little bit uncomfortable actually! It's been awhile with the way things have gone over the last couple of months i've been kind of recording during the day and then publishing at the time I wanted it to go live but here we are under the lights under the pressure of being fully live

01:26 Which in itself is actually a pretty cool thing. What it's like to be totally in the game now whatever it is that you're up to, that sense of being present right here right now in the moment doing what you're doing feeling at all like no safety net maybe sense I know a little bit of apprehension, little bit of insecurity that nagging doubt in your mind and then what i find when when i do lives or when im on other people's podcast or speaking at an event. That little voice in your head is never your friend you know when you get to the end of it someone says that was awesome or listen back and watch it but listen to watch it whatever

02:10 Why the hell was I worried about that? What the hell, what was all that worry about and maybe it's good. Maybe it's good that you have a little bit of natural fear when you listen to some famous musicians artists pop stars talk The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen Show,

02:51 If you're here for the first time then absolutely it is my pleasure to welcome you. I don't know who shared this or how you found The Jonnie Jensen Show but drop it in the comments, give me an update if you come over to the highvaluemanproject.com forward slash group you can actually get in at the entry level into our free brotherhood Where there is the YouTube.com program and some other resources to really help you start your journey, your high value man journey that is to create the life that you deserve being a man and dad that you want to be rather than some sort of version where you feel stuck in frustrated and that fundamentally is what today's episode is about There has been multiple conversations over the last couple weeks I've had with men who have been

03:38 Reflecting, lamenting if you like on the idea of the feeling that they've got no voice. No control and not like patriarchal control just everything's given over to their wife or their partner in the home and I feel almost like there are guests in their own house and this is a whole topic because it It touches on a variety of elements. One is about emasculation and feeling like you have a role to play as the man in your own life, let alone as the man in your family. The other part of it is the balance inside of your relationship

04:19 What it's like when you say something or when you try and engage in a conversation, what it's like when you have an opinion. Another classic one which was part of the message I got from my dad this week is the idea that you go to the shops and buy things pick up her new laundry basket or choose the cereal and then we get home you get absolutely bollocked for thats not the one we want Fine, there's a degree of awareness about what cereal your kids like for sure but the idea that you've done something wrong where you have to... When that happens, when that is stated over and over again it chips away at you. It chips away at your masculinity. It chips away at your strength inside of that relationship and ultimately your strength across your life because if you've been cut off with the bollocks at home then its going to be very hard to go into work or social situation and feel like the man that you want to be. Its not necessary but here's the kicker...it IS YOUR FAULT!

05:25 It is fundamentally your fault and in order for this subject to shift You have to take that level of responsibility not like blame or fault when I use the word for rubber not like you've seriously messed up it's a casual lack of awareness where if you take an example let's just say is at home because what we're talking about where you think okay well she's the mom. No, I'm going away and work in making all the money on his job to run the family and be in a be the parent which It does sound a little bit old school but the number of times that happens, particularly men who are running their own business and perhaps the level of pressure on them or they're you know very career minded man. The level of pressure on them to perform and do everything else like well I can't do the home thing so your social you do that now in this 2025 2426 wherever point your listen to this world is increasingly less accurate now whether you know whether your wife

06:27 Is some big hitter as well or whether she has a slightly less demanding but no less important job. You know is it right that she comes home and still have to think about all those things to think about the kids homework in school uniform what foods in the cupboards like the list goes on so I'd like to point out The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen Show,

07:22 Classically in this situation is that there will be a degree of frustration that builds up. There might be a level of resentment, so like there's festering arguments other men in these scenarios will detach even further like well if she's just going to take over then sod it I'll let her but what happens then of course is that you know both those pathways the relationship is gonna suffer because no woman likes to feel like she's being blamed or resented okay No bloke does either right. But that's what goes on in relationships and equally, I forgot what the other side was always a challenge but equally no one likes to feel that everything is being left to them if that was it that was what the other pathway was

08:15 Inside of your relationship, how you show up. How you structure the boundaries? How you decide what kind of voice you have if it needs to be set from the beginning and if it isn't set from the beginning then its time for you to realize this as the relationship starts a struggle As you feel frustrated about that fact that all your hobbies are now out in the shed because you got no room in the home or you're sat up in some attic room It's on you! It's on you to have set the boundaries, your personal boundaries. Not her boundaries not about what she is allowed to do or not allowed to do it's what is what you desire as how you see things working for you this is how I would like our relationship work How does that sound to you? Is that something you want to be part of? Certainly is! Okay great What's your version of that? How does this relationship need to work for you and then you start to create this balance in the home inside of your relationship

09:09 But when you don't have that conversation, when you leave the space open for someone's got to fill it and a woman will naturally take on Any space that's left open a woman will naturally feel out of the need for security, out of the need to feel that everything is handled. And that's not necessarily something some women have and some women don't like all these things there'll be at certain scale but from their maternal instincts looking after wanting to know that their family secured I want to know their children are safe and looked after if you as the man

09:51 Don't create leadership. Don't have a voice in your family, she'll step in there and take it. And if you went out and found the partner who is very strong willed, very independent, very much likes to have things controlled in her own way then you should've realized that when you got together. That's not necessarily negative thing against her just personality trait. If it works for you great but if you find yourself in relationship marriage 678 1015 whatever years later and you're like she seriously bloody controls me. I don't get to have a say in anything, I can't pick the cans of beans we use she doesn't let me put my you know she only doesn't she does all the work just literally don't have a voice in the house but I'm sat out in the shed about more than that I can't wait to get out the house because of how much it does my head in this is the impact but if your then turning around and feeling like well cheese this and cheese that

10:47 She's a nag she's a twat she said she's a bully like these are things that you might traditionally hear coming in women complaining about their men. That's different conversation but for the man that's feeling like they've lost all control in their home, Where did you let it go? Where did you give that up where are you not showing up so that she feels she has to and now inside of your frustration and resentment. Are you just being negative towards her holding this against or are you actually stepping out having a conversation about it, letting her know how you really feel asking her as he does in what you'd like the relationship to look like

11:30 That is how you create a high value relationship. That's how you get out of this sense that she has taken over the house and there is nothing I can bloody do about it! Ultimately, you created it and there is huge freedom to be found in that realisation...in that reality because the moment you accept that YOU created this even if it comes down to you bloody proposed to her, you asked her out, you shagged her, this started with you And then you can start to have some grace either for her or the situation and accept right if I created this what do i need to do to create the next chapter, the next page in this story. It's a powerful position for a man to take it's uh a desirable position for a man to take and you can't just go and kick the bloody doors in and start demanding all this like a realization this afternoon.

12:30 Acceptance and acknowledgement, a conversation that you're taking to the table. And she may hear this in a way that you've never spoken about it before because how it comes out is your this, your that, you never when you... But the responsibility comes when you look saying I can see first of all this isn't working for me and as a result with that I'm behaving like a bit of ass and I was blaming you but what I can now see Is that actually I created this. I've been too busy outside of the home, I let you crack on with certain aspects of the kids being little without having enough of a voice or enough of choosing to have enough involvement. I realized I left this space open that you then needed to step in so me holding out against you well i'm sorry about it can we talk about redressing that?

13:32 When men don't do this and that resentment is allowed to build up, it will come out as some kind of an outburst. And that outburst will then be a shock! It would then be turned around and used against you. Well... You never guess what he did? He blew up at me, shouted at me swore at me and that's just completely unacceptable which arguably is But then you'll be like, well it was justified because I've been eating shit sandwiches for how long? Three years three months whatever it might be. She needs to understand that! Well what happened was... You didn't speak up for that amount of time and then it came out the way it did and so then what happens is that you are left with the experience of when I did speak up she ignored it and now it's even worse. You'll then choose to wait longer

14:34 Before speaking next time and it will likely come out as an even bigger outburst. Now you're into the realms of having big blow ups about minor things, no one really knows what's going on but the level of trust the level of intimacy it all just starts running through your fingers like sand And that's how relationships get into some level of rut and malaise and breakdown So you see is far from being her fault There might be aspects that she needs to take responsibility for. But somewhere in amongst this, when you see where could I lead in this situation? What can I take responsibility for how many times did I not speak up and then when I did it came out as some explosion rather than some constructive way of leading the situation forward. That's how a high value man operates. That's how you not just take control of your own life but be the leader or control be the leader for your family

15:37 Bringing that masculine energy as a husband, as a boyfriend. As a father that you need to show up has because if you don't have this at home... This is the kicker! If we don't have that at home You won't have it anywhere else in your life and you'll constantly be fighting The feeling of being good enough Being strong enough Being manly enough Having a voice Being heard Being respected Being in a relationship where you feel like The woman you're with listens To you and loves you And respects you It's twisted So many men will do this The essence of this like all the conversations we have here on the Jonnie Jensen Show falls into the high value man 3xc formula for living. Clarity, a clear vision about the relationship you want and the man that you want to be inside of that and your why for making it happen then courage

16:32 Be in your true self, having the bollocks to say what needs to be said. To embrace those difficult conversations. To lead where you might need to lead. To show up in a way that makes a difference. You know instead of blaming and resenting could you show up at away that is constructive and loving and gracious? That's how you'd be the difference! And then commitment. What does it look like over time? To not just bring the subject up and then just let it drift and wander, but to actually show up holding yourself and your family to account taking the subject forward too many of us just let life drift and then wonder why it feels like a bag of shit It ultimately starts as a high value man with being the leader in your life So when you feel like she took over the house

17:27 You have to realize that somewhere along the line you let it happen. You caused it, you created it! I hope that gives you a better opportunity as you go into conversation with your partner or future. I don't live with my girlfriend at the time right now we and thats a circumstantial thing rather than not having the desire too But what I am able to do speaking for myself is to bring this two hour relationship on a consistent basis, so actually practice what I preach. The level of self-awareness now where i'm holding myself accountable that i'm thinking okay...I said this last week on the podcast, I said this last week in a room full of The High Value Man Project inner circle dads like where am I going to show up now? How am I gonna handle this next conversation such that

18:22 It honors who I am and what i'm saying, I'm doing. And you can be that for yourself if you get involved with the High Value Man Project they'll learn all these things and be able to bring that to the table now you can do that by going to the highvaluemanproject.com forward slash apply That will put you into a welcome series where we invite you to have a power call with me or one of The High Value Man team basically give you some insights into how Embrace and start on your high value man journey now. Actually have it make a difference, start to make a difference in an area of life that's important to you And if you like that conversation feel like there is something available for you then either in our group program through the inner circle or through Elite There are generally couple spaces available to work with me one-on-one You can create the success at home and work

19:21 That you desire to be the man and dad that your family are waiting to see. That's ultimately how you can live a life on your terms where everybody else around you is thriving because it's truly the essence of modern masculinity, The shoulders upon which the people you love stand and thrive Feel free to share this podcast with other people in your life. As they say, you know many people watching this on YouTube won't be subscribed to the channel so please do go and subscribe if you want to see the video of the podcast you're listening too then go over to YouTube if you go to TheHighValueManProject.com forward slash video that will take straight to the YouTube channel

20:08 So many links I could share with you. But ultimately, get yourself either into the group or to apply to get yourself into the next intake at The High Value Man Project. It's been my absolute pleasure to be here with you this afternoon and evening whatever time of day it is with you and i'll see you on the next episode let's go Thanks for tuning in to The Jonnie Jensen Show. Be sure to subscribe, leave a review and share it with fellow dads! Creating the life you deserve starts with YOU. Get your High Value Man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go