Season 1 #1 Jonnie Jensen Kick Start Your Dad Life

00:01 Welcome to the Team Super Dad podcast. My name is Johnny Jensen, founder and creator of the Team Super Dad community and rebuild program. You're listening to the podcast. In this episode, we'll be looking at the origins of Team Super Dad, some of my backstory, and exactly what it is that dads need to do to rebuild and create their best life ever. Thanks for joining me. Roll credits. Welcome to Team Super Dad. Real dads creating their best lives ever. More time, more money, more fun. You are not alone. You're on Team Super Dad.

00:46 Hello to you. Yes, thank you for joining me. My name is Johnny Jensen. And in this episode of the Team Super Dad podcast, it's a take out from the video hangout, which is a weekly hangout online. It's a video hangout for dads. Dads who are home alone, dads who are bored, dads who are cooking in the kitchen whilst the kids are doing other things. You could be driving. Who knows where you are or what you're up to? But if you want to join in the Super Dad Hangout, then you can come over and join us. As for what the hell Super Dads Team Super Dads is all about, well, you're going to find that out in this episode as I really go into the background of the vision for it, some of my story, and exactly, I know what the heart and intention of Team Super Dad is.

01:35 Like I said, you know, we as dads have to work hard, play hard, do the best we can in everything we do. And if that's in a relationship, then absolutely great. If that's a relationship that's broken down, then actually it can be even more hard work trying to co-parent and still succeed in life. And so as you'll find out in this episode, I'm trying to make sure I don't talk about too much. But yeah, this is an episode where we go into the origins and my vision for Team Super Dad. If you are at all interested in being part of the community, then come over to the Facebook group. That's facebook.com forward slash groups forward slash Team Super Dad.

02:18 And if you want to talk to me more about the rebuild program and how you can create the best life ever from your situation, then please just hit me up on email at johnnyjenson at team superdad. Come over to teamsuperdadcot.com or of course just message me on any of the social channels. So without further ado, let's get into today's show and I look forward to seeing you in the next episode. Thanks a lot. Thanks a lot. My name is Johnny Jensen. Enjoy. Welcome to the Team Super Dad video hangout. I've done this because it just occurs to me that in all the

03:04 sharing, texting, tweeting, videos and everything, it's a little bit too one directional. And as much as people type and chat and get involved, it's still a great opportunity with the use of something like Zoom to have a community event. I am part of a couple of different communities. I run the London podcasting community and we have a monthly video hangout, which somewhere between eight and 20 people come on to. And they're a lot of fun. People get a lot out of them. We meet lots of amazing people. The face-to-face events are the same, but

03:44 I think we consistently get more people on the video one. And the other community that I'm part of, which is really awesome, is the SFM six-figure mentor. It's like an online digital marketing, online entrepreneur community. And just a really great community of people with some awesome people leading that community. And they do loads of video hangouts and the such like. So I thought, well, that's a good thing to bring to Team Super Dad. So if you're watching this for the first time and wondering what the Bloomin'Heck Team Super Dad is, I'll take this opportunity, seeing as I'm here on my own at the moment, to share a little bit about that.

04:22 If you've not met me or seen me before, my name's Johnny Jensen. I'm 45, as you can tell by the silver lining. Curiously, having been totally blonde when I was young, I have got a few after summer holiday in Chicago. I do have a few blonde hairs on my head. So that's a bit of a positive. That is a bit of a positive. Let me just grab my phone. I've got some text messages coming in. No doubt with these things, it's, you know, you'd like to think it was someone saying, how the hell do I get in? But anyway, we'll see. We'll see what happens there. I think in professional... terms, they call this filling, but it's okay because I was fully prepared to be filling.

05:05 Different to fluffing, if you know what that is. I'm gonna suppose to be recording this. Look at that. I forgot that. We'll have to splice in a little, a little, a little intro there. So, yeah, so Team Super Dad. I mean, since actually launching it online, I've discovered exactly how many dads communities there are. And there's a lot. There is a lot. You've got what's he called? Jared White in the States. He's got a huge following. Not so much a community there, but that's his thing. You've got a load of fathers' rights movements groups. You've got the Good Dad Project and the Dad Edge Alliance over in Australia.

05:48 There's Super Dads online. So, you know, I've really become aware of how many dads communities there are. The strange thing is, tapping my head because that's what I try to get my brain into gear. When I really needed those groups the most, I didn't actually go out and look for them. Hey, I've got Darren here, Galvin. Hey, Darren Galvin is chatting to me in the Facebook group. If you're part of the Facebook group, I've just changed the name actually. Team Super Dad, Single Dad Success Group.

06:27 Darren, I will say a quick reply back to you there. Oh, now we're getting a feedback because the video is coming back through. Hold tight. Let me get rid of that. Go away. There we go. So, oh, I know what we can do. We can, let me, hang on. Multitasking. One thing my ex-wife loved to point out to me, which I disagreed with at the time, was that I couldn't multitask. Since come to realize that I'm actually terrible at multitasking. So we'll say howdy to Darren there. I so I found all these groups online, and it's bizarre how I hadn't actually found them when I needed them.

07:11 And I have no idea what that's about. If you're a dad, if you're a single dad in particular, because that's one of the ways that this group and this project and this program and this community and my whole vision for it has come about is because I've become a single dad. That happened in 2015, sadly. And, you know, this probably isn't the place to go into the real ins and outs of actually what that relationship breakdown was like, but certainly it wasn't nice and it left me, you know, a shell of my former self. And I don't mean that was all her fault. It was just the circumstances. A lot of stuff went on and we never made it through. So

07:57 let me just, what if I've got a breakout room going on here? We just cancel those. Delete. Is that why everyone is? There we go. Get rid of that breakout room. Yeah, so it wasn't all her. It was a lot of circumstances. But, you know, really, when you look at what the impact of a relationship breaking down is on someone, then you're bound to come out of it a bit of a shell. I think if you come out of a relationship breakdown really good, then you may have been significantly to blame. Who knows? I can't imagine what other people go through.

08:41 I speak to a lot of dads. I work with a lot of dads. I hear what it's been like for them when the breakup happens. I've got to be honest, though, I don't work with a lot of dads who've come out feeling awesome. They don't really need help in rebuilding their lives. So I guess I should find some of those and get some insights to that. But yeah, it's all over the internet. Divorce groups, loads of stuff about mums. You can imagine there's loads of stuff about mums. But it really occurred to me that the struggle to rebuild after an experience like this is probably the hardest thing.

09:20 It bleeds over into so many areas of our life. One of the first experiences or one of the first times I was exposed to personal development was through a book called Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Suzanne Jeffers. It was about 1998, I think. I'd broken up with someone who I was dating at university, an awesome woman called Lisa, had a lot of fun together. Bizarrely, I broke up with her and then was gutted about it, which isn't that bizarre for me. That's pretty much true to form. And as I was trying to pull myself back together, I mean, it was something I knew I needed to do, even though it wasn't very nice, but I just felt I couldn't go to London in a relationship.

10:08 And so, yeah, so everyone on the tube was reading this book. I don't know if it doesn't know if it came out at that time or it suddenly happened to be people on the same tube that I got were seeing the same people I was seeing and reading it. But anyway, so I bought the book. And in Field of Fear and Do It Anyway, she really talked about these different buckets of our life or different categories of our life. I think it probably makes a lot of sense. And they can be family, friends, work, money, health, what we eat, our social life, our faith,

10:47 really kind of categories that you'd count as pretty obvious. I think it's people that would have really specific interests that would start to talk about different categories. And in fact, this little piece of paper here, was one of came about at the really at the inception of Team Super Dad. And it actually has written on it, money, health, relationships, faith, fun, and personal power. So there's six. And I've since realized, although I've followed and been a student of Tony Robbins for a long while, it's since occurred to me they're pretty much aligned with him.

11:26 And he got a lot of his stuff off stuff off of Jim Rohn. And so these real kind of giants of personal development, it should be no surprise that they pretty much all have the same foundations and cornerstones of what personal development is all about. And I don't want that to scare you off if you've not been someone who's been interested in personal development before or you've not had any involvement with it. I don't want you to think, oh, that's not for me. That's freaky. That's weird. That's that's all that's for other kind of men. I'm not that kind of man. You know, the reality is that the more aware we are of how we think, how we operate, how we communicate with others, how we react to other people's communication, the more we can become responsible for

12:12 not them, because quite frankly, before we've done any personal development work, we're very much concerned with what other people are doing and how that makes us feel and what's their fault. But I should probably take some water, really, shouldn't I? But it's becoming really aware of our responsibility, our reactions to things, how we can be caused in the matter of things either going well or things either going bad. And I'd love to say that was beer, but as you can see and probably know from some of my other videos, it's more likely to be water than beer. I'm not a very good drinker, although I have drunk a fair bit in my time. I've done a fair bit of most things, but we'll come to that another day.

13:00 So, yeah, so I was on a mountain. I was in the middle of my breakup. The divorce was kind of in progress, fighting for my kids and really, really quite desperate and trying to put a brave face on and probably doing quite a bad job of that. But as different friends, different family members react in different ways. And one of my best mates took me climbing. He said, let's go and climb the tallest mountain in Austria. And it was a great adventure. He's a great climber, done a lot of mountains, Mont Blanc, the Matterhorn.

13:42 And the, oh, what's it called? It's the tallest mountain in Austria, basically. And that's completely slipped my mind. Oh, Gross Locker. The Gross, Gross, the Gross Locker, something like that. Yeah. You can Google it. We're on the mountain and we're crossing a glacier. We had the right equipment on. So we were dressed for the cold, but we started off and it was pretty sunny. And then before we knew it, there was a blizzard. It was foggy. It was cold. You couldn't see very far in front of you. We bumped into and literally bumped into some Hungarians who were also climbing.

14:26 And they said, oh, we should climb together. And so we did. And we were all roped together. So if you fall, if you fall, you can, you catch each other because you're on a rope, you get like five meters of rope. So I don't know. I wasn't even that bothered. I've been up the mountain lots of times skiing, snowboarding. snowboarding. So I'm familiar with it. But as I was climbing up, I was thinking, how the hell, how the hell am I going to pull myself out of this? How the hell am I going to turn my life around? How the hell am I going to get over the heartbreak? How am I going to deal with not seeing my kids as much? Let alone, this has been

15:07 everything I ever stood for. You know, being married, having a wife, creating the family that I didn't really have because my mum died when I was nine, creating the family that my family in America inspired me to want. And so, you know, I just, it was like everything was just broken and in pieces. And at that time, I started to meet other dads. I started to speak to other dads. I really hadn't, as I've already said, gone out and found all these other dads' communities, but I had found a couple of dads groups that were focused or still are focused on sort of the legal side of child contact and those kind of things.

15:49 And so as I was in those groups and learning, I started to really see how many other dads were in desperate, desperate situations. And actually, how this is all around the world. I mean, one of the father's rights movements guys in America, he looks bonkers. He's thin as anything. He's kind of like a rapper, white guy. And he swears a lot, but he talks a lot of sense. So he said the other day, I was watching him. He was talking about there's 27 million dads in America who are currently not seeing their children as much as they want to. They are detached basically from their children.

16:36 Quick drink. You think that's a crazy number, but it's some kind of 375 million people in America. If you said 50% of them were men, that takes you down to about 185, 190 or something million. If you said half of those were kids, that takes you, well, not half of them are going to be kids, are they? A quarter of them are going to be kids under 20. So that means a third of them could have children. You start to chop away at it and you suddenly find that actually, you know, 50 million of them had, 50 million of them had been married and the divorce rate is slightly over 50%.

17:19 You suddenly start to realize, yeah, probably 27 million blokes are trying to gain access to their kids. And that also means 27 million blokes have been involved in a breakup, which based on the men I speak to, based on my own experiences, that means a pretty sizable proportion of that 27 million are struggling, are not really having the quality of life that they would like to have. Now, why are they not having that quality of life? Well, there's different angles to this answer. The bottom line, to be honest, is because they haven't picked themselves up, dusted themselves down, and got on with it. But it's very hard to tell someone when they're in the midst of absolute disaster.

18:02 It's verging on impossible, speaking from experience. One of my funniest moments, and probably not very funny for the counselor at the time, not a woman I have a great deal of affection for would be probably the nicest way I could say it. But out of what I feel was quite a lot of damage that she did, she did do one good thing, and that was to get me to the doctors and get me on antidepressants. I remember screaming at her basically, there's nothing wrong with me. There's nothing wrong with me. I wasn't laughing, that's for sure. Clearly, I'd gotten to the point where my mental health was so utterly broken.

18:47 Five years of marriage breakdown, five years of my wife's health being pretty awful, a great period of that time. I literally thought she was dying. Towards the end of it, my little brother committed suicide, financial troubles, trying to grow a business, an early teen stepson, three miscarriages. I mean, just, I don't say that for like a pity party. I just want to want you to know, guys, that if you've had any version of that, then you're probably going to have an impact on your mental health. So when you start to look at how we're going to turn this around, you suddenly realize it ain't going to be easy.

19:28 It really isn't going to be easy. And going back to the Susan Jeffers book, that's primarily because so many of the different buckets of our life are running on empty. And when those different buckets are running on empty, it's almost impossible to fill them back up. back up. A completely different analogy is around anger and frustration and the ability that we have to deal with things. You know, when we are in a state of utter despair, that bucket is full. You know, when our despair bucket is full, then the slightest thing means that it can overflow.

20:07 And literally, one drip can make it overflow. I have an outburst, it goes down a bit, another one drip can make it overflow. And that's one of the dangerous things about despair and hopelessness is that one drip can lead to the ultimate disaster. And suicide is at such a terrible high. I read this interesting article actually because I'm sure you'll know that male suicide is particularly high. But I read this interesting article and it used an example from the Second World War about fighter planes and bombers that made it back to Britain. And they were looking at where they'd received all the shots, you know, where all the flak and the bullets had gone in.

20:48 And they were going to strengthen the aeroplanes in those areas. And then this one guy, and I'm doing a disservice by not remembering his name, he said, we've actually got it the wrong way around. It's the areas of the planes that are coming back that aren't shot that we should strengthen because clearly those are the planes that are not making it back. And so, why the hell am I saying that? Oh, yeah, male and female suicide. We can all get really hung up on not hung up. We can all be very focused on the male suicide rates. But this article said, you know, it's quite possible that men are actually better at committing suicide than women.

21:27 And that doesn't mean that women are not trying to commit suicide. And so one way or another, you've got children who are losing their fathers. To a certain degree, you are definitely, we are definitely experiencing female suicide in the world. So children, families, communities, we are losing people for no reason. And if marriage breakup, if relationship breakdown is one of the sources of that suicide, then blindly, we just need to fix this. The whole way we approach the breakup and more importantly, the rebuild is vital. And as I looked at myself, as I crossed that crevasse, as the snow and the wind and the Hungarians hanging off ropes behind me,

22:11 you know, all I could think about was, I've got to do something here. I've got to rebuild myself and I've got to do something to help other dads rebuild. I actually had a vision during a landmark education course called the Instructional Leader Program in 2007 for something called The Lodge. And that had a much more positive spirit, but it came from the same place I realize in my heart. And that was the idea for the Lodge was that men who felt like they were really disconnected from their lives, you know, that can happen to all of us, whether we're in a relationship or not. But certainly married men, dads who feel they've become disconnected from their lives, from what makes them get up in the morning, from what their vision and their ambitions were as a young man.

22:57 The first part of the lodge was about reconnecting with those things. And the second part about the trip, the vacation, the retreat, was that the family and the children would join them and that they would end up having a holiday. But rather than the holiday where they went home and were a week later were arguing, they would get to do cool stuff, get to create a future and goals and a vision for their family, values, and ways in which they would operate more effectively so that they went back home better prepared. And so if you listen to this, you can't steal that. I haven't looked. It probably exists. But if I find out it starts next week, you're in trouble. I'm now a qualified firewalk instructor. So we're going to build in some firewall activities and empowerment activities around that.

23:42 But it's this really what drives has driven my desire for Team Super Dad. So I can't profess to it being different than other programs that are out there. I can't profess to it being better. I don't know who's immensely qualified, who's not immensely qualified. All I do know is that from the experiences of my childhood, I mean, this sounds like a little violin, but you know, I've got to share these things because it gives you an understanding of where I'm coming from and how I can sit in this chair and say, I'm not going to stand for that

24:24 for men not having the lives that they dreamed of. I'm not going to stand for heartbreak and heartache and children going up scared of loving people because that's what they've experienced in their life. My mum died when I was nine. That came as a shock. The visits to the hospital. hospital, I mean, seeing her get thinner and thinner and lose all her hair. And it was a weird time. It was like the 1980s, and it didn't really get spoken about. And if it did, I've forgotten it. And so when my dad came home that day and told me your mum sat me down on the stairs and told me that your mum's died, she's not coming home.

25:05 That hit me, that left an indelible mark on my soul, on my spirit, and has given my life a flavor that's given it its flavor. And that flavor is never going to go away, really. And it'll be foolish for anyone to think that it's going to go away any more so than it'll be foolish for anyone to think that the experience of getting married, breaking up and moving on is going to go away. Not that you want that person back, but I think it's a strange person who somewhere in their heart doesn't have a feeling. You know, even if you go back and this is quite often where I find myself, it's not the person who I experience now that I want, but I do think about the person that I married and how awesome that day was and how that feeling of proposing and everything was.

25:52 And so we've got to be careful because it's those feelings that can come back and trip us up. And it's those feelings that can have us be stuck in the upset. And relating back that to my mum, you know, I really know and learnt, but I had to learn the hard way that being upset about my mum dying was something that I hung on to for far too long. The confusion around my dad finding someone else, the upset about moving out of our family home, the mixed emotions of having a baby brother. And, you know, you can't not be excited about having a baby brother in there being a baby in the house.

26:31 But it's a lot for a 10, 11, 12, 13-year-old to deal with, let alone before you get into those teenaged periods. And now you're trying to work out exactly who you are and how do you ask a girl out. And what does love mean if you've had your heart ultimately broken by losing your mum? What does the idea of falling in love even mean to you? I spent too much time in my life thinking, no matter how hard I try to push it out of my brain, the things I love I lose. And I've since come to experience that way too many times. And so I wonder if I've hardwired that into my brain. And what was the audio book?

27:15 I mentioned this the other day on a podcast and I've forgotten who it's by again. It's because it's like a foreign name, even though it's dead famous, it's a foreign name. But so I've done a lot of personal development. I watch a lot of personal development videos and into the subject, leaning into that subject to really understand myself better. But where, where, where, where, where, come on. Oh, yeah, Deepak Chopra. All the seven spiritual laws and creating affluence. You know, I'm going to do the guy a disservice here, but you can paraphrase those whole books down into, you know, we create what we think about. And you can use that as a positive.

27:59 Bob Proctor, Wayne Dyer, you know, these people, you know, often they talk about if you can think it, you can hold it. But equally, if you keep thinking something bad, you're more than likely going to manifest that into your life. You're more than likely going to treat your relationship in such a way that that happens. And so, you know, a lot of teenage confusion and the ways in which I approach relationships at that point, I have come to realize ways in which I appreciate approach. And I dare say do appreciate relationships in my adult age as well. So hard to come from the point of what would it have been like if.

28:45 And certainly, as I've wrestled with this place that I've come to in my life, trying to understand it all and thinking, that's a lot for someone to go through. Why me? Why me? And you meet and you find people literally sat in the gutter thinking with their head in their hands, why me? But if you can actually grab that and say, why me? Surely it was a good thing. Surely this amount of stuff wasn't supposed to happen without a reason. If you go back and look at where you can be responsible for things, I've since had to take a look at a lot of how I responded to situations in my marriage and in other relationships, thinking about all the other stuff I just spoke about, my teenage years, my mum dying, you know, and thinking, wow, did I hang on to that relationship too much?

29:34 too much? Was there something about that person that we were just fundamentally not meant to be together? But I couldn't face not being with them in my marriage. Really, in hindsight, and that's a beautiful thing, I should have gone when it was quite bad over a period of time. That should have been a line in the sand, not to end the marriage and not to say I don't care about my wife, but rather than be stuck in my head of, I can't keep doing this, I can't keep doing this, it's killing me, to actually allow it to be something where you say, This has gone beyond what I deem acceptable. It is now damaging to me, and I have to take steps to protect myself.

30:17 What is the future that I want to create? Can I enroll that person in that future? Can I be a stand for our marriage, for a positive day-to-day life? Because if I can, then this is what I've got on the table. This is what I want to create for us. And I think for both of us, that would have created a space where we would have realized a long time before we broke up that we shouldn't have been together. And, you know, if you can see anything for that, if you can see anything for yourself in that situation, then take it. You know, if you can see a place to be bolder in the way that you communicate, either with your current wife or your wife or your current partner, then great. If it's your ex-wife or former partner, then what can you do

31:02 to really create a vision for that future and invite that person not necessarily to step into it because I don't think, you know, certainly from my experience, my ex-partner doesn't want to even speak to me, let alone have anything to do with a vision of a future that I've created. No matter how many times I ask, even as basic as, can we just get along and do what's right for the kids? I can't seem to make a difference. And, you know, I dare say somewhere not too far from my home here, she's saying the same thing to someone else. Another little drink that is where having someone else on your podcast, on your Zoom, then you get the great opportunity to sneak a drink in whilst they're talking.

31:48 I need like a rolling rat, or I don't know what the American version is, but one of those puppet sidekicks will get them involved. Yeah, so, you know, amongst all that, it's about taking responsibility. It's about looking at how we're behaving, what kind of attitude we're bringing to the table, our expectations on the people that we love, and also being bold about what is a deal breaker for us. I even remember in my marriage saying, this isn't what I signed up for. This is not what I signed up for. And I got absolutely

32:28 lambasted by, I would avoid using anything too derogatory, but the leaders of the born-again Christians church that we were in saying, oh, well, there's no way I would ever say to my partner, that's a deal breaker or I'm not committed. And wow. I just, I've come to learn so much about mental health and psychology and there's something called a double bind. You know, it's okay to have standards. The standards that I was offering were and that I wanted were not something new.

33:14 And rather than be taken to somewhere you didn't want to go, somewhere really negative to you against everything you stand for, it marriages ideally forever, but so's life and living and enjoying our life. And so without being a complete dick and abandoning the person that you promised you would look after, when all else is done, before you lose your sanity, it makes more sense to strategically take yourself out of the relationship. And so if we flip that onto its head right now, having been through a breakup, having been upset for probably too long,

33:58 but arguably also that has been the time it's taken to get myself together. That has been the time it's taken to grieve. A very good person, a relationship counselor, I did some work with Shelly Whitehead. She said to me, oh yeah, men do take longer than women to get over the relationship. And that's not a men versus women thing. That's just the difference between the male machine and the female machine. I can't answer. I can't answer. why. All I can say is that I've experienced it in myself and I can see it in others.

34:34 And so where you have to get to, though, is understanding that grieving process and know that there will be periods of anger, that there will be periods of real upset. There'll be periods of aloneness and desperation. And there'll also be periods of great excitement as you look to the future. But it is cyclical. So don't be too upset when you go from excitement to upset again. But do be responsible for it. And that's where goals come into play. That's where having good people around you. That's where having more fun in life. And ultimately, that's where having the right support and a program come in. And, you know, jumping to another commonly used

35:17 theme, you know, the idea that you are the five people that you hang around with. It's very difficult when you're a single dad and you're working and you've either got your kids or you're working or you're trying to get up, clean the house, commute, get fit, stay fit, walk the dog, look after your elderly parents. You know, I don't know what your story is, but for me, being able to go out and find a new group of people, let alone a group of people who I aspire to want to be like, who are like that next rung up. You are the five people that you spend the most time with. So go out and get some really cool people to be with.

36:00 It's pretty, pretty tricky. There's no, they're not just sitting in town waiting for you to go and find them. And if you live in a city, there probably is probably more of an opportunity to find those people. And if you live in a small, you know, everyday town like I do, like Maidstone, then maybe this is the best place to be able to do that, to pull together with a group of like-minded men and dads and granddads and really put a marker in the sand and saying, no, this is who I want to be. What's the skill that you're bringing to the table? I'm bloody good at business. Okay, great. Well, I'm not so good at that, but I'm damn good at being a dad.

36:40 Okay, yeah, well, actually, I kind of struggle with that. I'm not even sure my kids like me that much. Okay, now we have skills that we can share. I, as the leader of Team Super Dad, I don't mean leader like the boss, but you know, someone's got to lead the train. And the experts, the coaches, the skilled people I've come across in my career in the last 15 years, ironically enough, as I tried to grow my business, I have joined communities of people, business people, coaching communities, amazing, literally hundreds, if not thousands of cool people. And so bringing them into this community, whether it's health or finance or nutrition or anger management, parenting, sex.

37:28 I mean, the list goes on. There really isn't a skill or a coach. I don't know why the word taxidermy popped into my head, but I'm pretty sure actually that I don't know a taxidermy coach. Whatever that means. They're people that stuff animals, right? Stuff, they stuff things. So, yeah, so if you're if you're a taxidermy mentor or coach, then get on board. We'll have a special session. But, you know, these were the thoughts that I was having as I was crossing that crevasse. Like, I know so many people. What if this whole experience, what if my whole life's experiences had got me to this point?

38:07 What if everybody I'd ever met, I was supposed to meet? What if bizarrely someone said to my mum, you're going to die and I can't do anything about that, but I can promise you this for your son. And she said, yeah, okay. And that was, that became my destiny. You know, and I know that's kind of the idea that a kid makes up when he's upset, but you know, we're born with our destiny. We're born with our blessings and gifts. But in another way, I prayed so much for my wife to get better and for our marriage to get better.

38:46 But if you do have a faith or believe in some sort of higher spirit, then before I got married, three significant people came to me and said, I don't think you should do this. I don't think you should be with that person. And I ignored them all. And I didn't ignore them because they were wrong. And I didn't ignore them. I ignored them because I was in love. I ignored them because my wife and I were head over heels in love. And I couldn't believe what an awesome person I'd fallen in love with. And so I went with it. But going back to the point of this is if I'm praying for get me out. out of this, then maybe God or whoever your version of that is said, I tried to get you out of this before you bloody got into it.

39:31 Now it's going to take this. But by the way, I'm going to give you this, this, this, and this, so you can go and do something good with it. And that just feels like what I've been given here. That feels like the blessing that I've had put upon me. And so Team Super Dad, the idea for it, the have you got a piece of paper because I've got this thing that I need to write down. And she only had, she only had of all the pieces of paper, at least she had a piece of paper to be fair in the mountain hut that we stumbled into on that mountain.

40:11 At least she had a piece of paper, but that was the biggest piece of paper that she had. I was so cold anyway, that was all I could write down. I think we played, did we play chess? I think we played some kind of game after that and drank a couple of coffees and then about four or five beers. So it's taken me this many years now to put to put Team Super Dad together. The pressure has come on. After the court case in which I, you know, bar a couple of nights a year, I now have 50-50 access. And it was when I sat down to do my digital marketing work the week after that court process was over,

40:53 I suddenly gained the clarity that I should have had probably about two years ago that Team Super Dad needs to be the focus. Team Super Dad needs to be where my future lies. It is my calling. It is everything I've learned, the people I've come across, Landmark Education, Jim Rohn, Zig Ziegler, Tony Robbins, Mel Robbins, Les Brown, all the amazing seminar leaders at Landmark, the friends from around the world who are coaches, Andy Harrington, you know, so many people, so many people. And even the, you know, even the everyday aspiring people who I've been on those courses with, and when they've spoken to me, have said something poignant and moving.

41:45 One of the most moving parts of me doing the Landmark Forum was a lady. She was a big black lady, you know, and I say that because so you can paint the picture in, you know, like a real jolly sort of energy about her. And I was talking about the upset around my mum, and I was talking around the upset around a thrashing my dad gave me at one point when I was young. And she said to me, and I'm not very good at accents. I'm not even sure I should try it. But she pretty much said, you know, Johnny, if you can move the pain from your mum to your dad,

42:29 what is this accent? But she said, if you can move the pain from your mum to your dad, then maybe you can move the pain away completely. And she was summing up so much of what that landmark forum weekend was about anyway. But it was the distinction that yes, I'd moved the pain from one place to the next. And then it's just like, oh my gosh, I could move it anywhere. I could move it out. I could move it forward into be something positive for my future. If I can move it, I could do anything with it. But the worst thing I could do with it is sit in it like stuck in my past. And so that's, you know, that's this has been a great opportunity to talk about where Team Super Dad comes from.

43:14 You know, I, I, I've, I've financial goals for Team Super Dad, of course, because I want to give my all. I want it to be my life's work from now on. I, I, but more than anything, I want it to be something that allows me to be the best possible version of myself. As a, as a kid, I wanted to be a racing driver, and that kind of stopped when my mum got ill and the go-karting stopped. Um, but then as a teenager, I wanted to be a TV presenter, and I felt uncomfortable and guilty about being that person. When I first saw Tony Robbins on TV and then Andy Harrington and some other people speaking live at a big motivational entrepreneur event in London, I was like, I want to be that person on stage.

44:01 When I first went to firewalking empowerment events and I saw the, you know, whoever's running the event leading from the front and really moving in the same way that landmark forum leaders move people, they transform people's experience of life. I just needed to find a place for that. that vision to sit. And the experience of my marriage breaking down, the experience of losing my wife, it literally, you know, I can relate to the experience of losing someone you love through death. And losing my wife through a marriage breakup was actually worse than someone dying. When someone dies, you can grieve. They're gone. You can have their memories. You can talk about them. You can even talk to them, kind of.

44:46 But when the person you love and your marriage breaks down, you actually are still at loggerheads, then quite frankly, the pain is kind of there because they're there, but they're not there. You can see them, but you can't. I don't want to say have or touch because that could be used against me. But you know what I mean? The person you've married is gone, but this thing is in its place. What we do with those kind of thoughts, though, is about we taking them forward. We can't do anything about the person, the other person. We can never do anything about the other person. The more we try to change people, the likelihood is the more that they're going to resist. The more that we try to change the pain of what we're experiencing, the more the situation will go on.

45:27 We have to look at what we can be responsible for. We have to learn and develop ourselves, take stock, set goals, raise the bar, get fit, change what we eat, what we drink, our environment, what kind of input, stop watching stupid news and soap operas, get negative people and situations out of our life. If we hate our job, then we've got to stop it. If really anything that's dragging us down and robbing us of the experience of enjoying our life, then whether it's a small thing in our life or it's a big thing in our life, we've got to work on it. If we've got fears, those fears hold us back. Fear, even what is a fear?

46:08 In firewalking parlance, I've heard fear is false evidence appearing real. It is hot, but is it going to burn your feet? No, not if you deal with the situation appropriately. And so is a breakup the end of your life? No, it's not, if you deal with the situation appropriately. I could talk for hours pretty much. If anyone knows me well enough, they'll know that that certainly is the case. But I hope this has been a really solid introduction to Team Super Dad. Just in case you want to know what we would have done if there'd been anyone else on the call here, we've got question number one, question number two, bucket number three, bucket number four. Some of these are serious, some of these are a little bit more,

46:51 I don't know, well, fun, inane. There's no serious ones. It's just more like, how do you stay positive? There you go. There's one. I've ruined it for next week. Number four, question number four for next week is how do you stay positive? Question number one, do you shave your pubes? I do. Best holiday fun for kids was number two. And dating app tactics, number three. Dating app tactics, clearly, I don't know. I don't know what my attitude towards dating to apps is. I certainly don't have a lot of success on them. And I wonder if actually I don't really want any success. I wonder if, you know, if I am creating my experience and the results of those things as well, because

47:37 I don't know, maybe I'm not ready for a relationship. Maybe I want one, but I'm scared. These are things I have my own coach. These are things that I'm in the journey of. But I do know that I'm four years down the line from my breakup and I'm many, many years down the line from a lot of what I've experienced. And when I'm in the dad's forums, when I'm in the father's rights movements groups, when I'm working with dads, so I do have a number of dads that I'm working with already. The struggle, the pain, it's consistent. The upset, the heartbreak, the how the hell am I going to get out of this? The what am I going to do about my kids? It's consistent. And that's exciting.

48:20 That means that wherever you're at, we can do something about it. Whatever you're feeling, it's not the end of the world. You are not alone. Team Super Dad is here. The community of men is building dads, grandparents. It's not anti-women in any way. I have a daughter. She is probably the most inspiring thing in my life. That's not to say my son isn't, but my son is a mini-me. I have so much fun with him. I live my life through many of his activities. But my daughter corrects me. She holds me to account. She makes me see things that I hadn't seen before.

49:00 She makes me consider things in ways that I've not considered. I do wonder to what degree the spirit of my mum lives on in my daughter. And I think that's an exciting thing to have. And I think that the spirit of our grandparents. and our ancestors does live on in us through our DNA and through our ancestral genes. But what I'm getting at there is that Team Super Dad in no way is anti-women. We're all about, I'm all about the legacy of creating strong relationships with our families, with our ex-partners, with our current partners, creating a legacy for our children where they can grow up confident about falling in love, excited about starting a family, and

49:45 their attitudes towards divorce and separation can't come from fear. Too much of my attitude towards relationships, towards asking someone out, towards being with someone I didn't really want to be with, towards realizing that that relationship was going in a direction that was not aligned with my values. Too much of the decisions I made from that came from the pain of feeling like I was losing someone again. And I don't want that for my children. I don't want it for your children. We really have a responsibility for the future, for the future, the world that our children are going into, whether it's the environment, great, people are taking care of that, let's hope.

50:27 Whether it's politics, medicine, there's so many things. But my thing is dads, parenting, success, building a life that fulfills our ambitions and our dreams. We have a potential. It is our duty to fulfill that potential. There is no place for anyone to lay on their deathbed full of regrets about all the things they could have and should have done. And I'm paraphrasing that from a number of great people. Nes Brown talks about it a lot. Jim Rohn, Zig Ziglar, these are names I've mentioned, but they're names that have influenced me a great deal.

51:08 I'm getting all welling up here a little bit. Not literally, but I am getting quite significant and deep. So I've got a great list, a great, what are they called? Playlist on Spotify of some tunes. If you need some positive tunes, I've got a great set of videos that are on YouTube for some positive input. You know, get the right input, get the right people around you, keep away from negativity. And together, we can create happiness, success, health, wealth, and happiness.

51:51 They can't be cornerstones if there's three of them, right? But they are the linchpins, the core of Team Super Dad. Can you have three things as cornerstones? Sure, I'm sure corners. There's got to be four corners, surely. Can you have three corners? I don't know. Three corners of the triangle. I need a mathematician and a builder to help me out with this. What comes next? What comes next is come and join the Facebook group. So that's Team Super Dad. Well, Facebook.com forward slash Team Super Dad. That is the page. Facebook.com forward slash groups forward slash Team Super Dad. That is the community, the community of dads. We're building, it's ever growing.

52:34 If you're listening to this and you're not in it, get in it. If you're listening to this and you are in it, but you haven't told all the dads and blokes in your life, then get them in it. The dads, the grandparents, then get them in it. We need to push those numbers up. Twitter and Instagram is Team Super Dad HQ. The website is teamsuperdad.com. The rebuild program kicks off at the beginning of October. There's going to be a limited number of people that can fit into that group. I'm thinking maybe just 10. So grab a space for that whilst you can. There's a video which will be out in the next couple of days all about what that's about and the outcomes of that, the benefits of why you want to be in that.

53:17 I can quickly tell you though, that if you want your best life ever, then we're going to build that together. We're going to make it happen. It's a mentoring group. It's a coaching group. It's a leadership group. You're going to be invited to step up. We're going to bring in some cool people. We're going to really, you know, push the envelope on your life. And so that the people around you go, heck, man, what's happening? So your children laugh and love the time they spend with you even more. There's a stat around podcasts, which is about the people that get through to the end. They're called the 20% crew. If you've been with me for the last 53 minutes, then you are in the 20% crew.

53:57 I thank you for that. We should do some special prizes for people that get to this far. I don't know what they'll be. T-shirts. We've got Team Super Dad t-shirts coming down the line. The first. logo is done. It's really cool. It says Team Super Dad. It's like a beach thing and it says good times underneath. So watch this space for the t-shirt site and we'll get that going as well. Thanks so much. Leave me a review. I can only push this up the iTunes charts if you leave a review. Basically, just get involved. Be part of the Team Super Dad community. I can't wait to meet you.

54:37 I can't wait to be part of what you're up to. I do hope for flipping X sake this is recorded. Although I know it has to some degree. I can't wait to see you on the next Team Super Dad social or the Team Super Dad podcast. Take care. Lots of love. Bye. This has been Team Super Dad. Find us at Team Super Dad.com. Join the rebuild program and create the best life ever for you and your children. You are not alone. You're on Team Super Dad.