Season 1 #1 Jonnie Jensen Kick Start Your Dad Life

00:01 Welcome to the Team Super Dad podcast. My name is Jonnie Jensen, founder and creator of the Team Super Dad Community & Rebuild Programme You're listening to the podcast in this episode we'll be looking at the origins of team super dad some of my backstory and exactly What it is that dads need to do to rebuild and create their best life ever? Thanks for joining me roll credits Welcome to Team Super Dad. Real dads creating their best lives ever! More time, more money, more fun You are not alone... you're on Team Super Dad

00:46 Hello to you, yes thank you for joining me. My name is Jonnie Jensen and in this episode of the Team Super Dad podcast it's a take out from the video hangout which is a weekly hangout online. It's a video hangout for dads Dads who are home alone, dads who are bored. Dads who were cooking in the kitchen whilst the kids are doing other things You could be driving... Who knows where you are what you're up to but if If you want to join in the Superdad hangout then you can come over and join us As for What The Hell Team Superdad is all about well? You're gonna find that out in this episode as I really go into the background of Of the vision for it some of my story and exactly

01:31 I know what the heart and intention of Team Super Dad is. Like i said you know we've, we as dads have to work hard play hard do the best we can in everything we do and if that's in a relationship then absolutely great! If that's a relationship that's broken down then actually it can be even more hard work trying to co-parent And still succeed in life. And so as you'll find out in this episode, I'm trying to make sure I don't talk about too much but yeah This is an episode where we go into the origins and my vision for Team Super Dad If you are at all interested in being part of the community then come over to the Facebook group That's facebook.com forward slash groups forward slash team super dad

02:18 And if you want to talk to me more about the Rebuild Program and how you can create the best life ever from your situation, then please just hit me up on email at JonnieJensenTeamSuperDad. Come over to TeamSuperDad.com or of course just message me on any of the social channels! So without further ado let's get into todays show and I look forward to seeing you in the next episode Thanks a lot! My name is Jonnie Jensen Enjoy Welcome to the Team Super Dad video hangout. I've done this because it just occurs to me that in all the sharing, texting, tweeting videos and everything it's a little bit too one-directional and as much people type and chat and get involved It's still a great opportunity with the use of something like Zoom

03:20 To have a community event, I'm part of a couple of different communities. I run the London Podcasting Community and we have a monthly video hangout which somewhere between 8 and 20 people come on to and they're a lot fun People get a lot out of them and meet lots of amazing people. The face to face events are the same, but you know I think we consistently get more people on the video one and the other community that i'm part of which is really awesome is the SFM 6 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Team Super Dad.

04:09 I thought, well that's a good thing to bring to Team Super Dad. So if you're watching this for the first time and wondering what the blooming heck Team Super Dad is, I'll take this opportunity seeing as i'm here on my own at the moment If you've not met me or seen me before, my name's Jonnie Jensen. I'm 45 as you can tell by the silver lining! Curiously having been totally blonde when i was young and I have got a few after summer holiday in Chicago if you do have a few blonde hairs on my head so that's a bit of positive that is a bit of positive let me just grab my phone I got some text messages coming in no doubt with these things it's

04:52 You know, you'd like to think it was someone saying how the hell do I get in? But anyway we'll see. We'll see what happens there they call...I think in professional terms they call this filling but it's okay because I was fully prepared to be filling different to fluffing if um if if you know what that is! I'm gonna...I supposed to be recording this look at that I forgot that We'll have to splice in a little intro there. So yeah, so Team Super Dad... I mean since actually launching it online i've discovered exactly how many dads communities there are and there's a lot! There is a lot you've got

05:35 What's he called? Jared White in the States. He's got a huge following, not so much of community there but that sets his thing You've got loads of fathers rights movements groups you've got The Good Dad Project and the DADEDGE Alliance over in Australia There's Super Dads Online So I've really become aware of how many dads communities there are. The strange thing is... tapping my head because thats what I'm trying to get my brain into gear when When I really needed those groups the most, I didn't actually go out and look for them. Hey, Darren here, Galvin is chatting to me in the Facebook group if you're part of the Facebook group... I've just changed their name actually Team Super Dad Single Dad Success Group. Darren, I will say a quick reply back to you there

06:31 Oh, now we're getting a feedback because the video is coming back through. Hold tight let me get rid of that! Go away... There we go so I know what we can do we can... hang on... Multitasking one thing my ex-wife loved to point out to me which i disagreed with at the time was that I couldn't multitask since come to realize I'm actually terrible at multitasking and say we'll say howdy to Darren there um So I found all these groups online and it's bizarre how i hadn't actually found them when I needed them. And, I've no idea what that's about if you're a dad, if you're a single dad in particular because that's one of the ways that this group and this project and his program and community my whole vision for has come about is because I become a single Dad That happened in 2015 sadly

07:34 This probably isn't the place to go into the real ins and outs of actually what that relationship breakdown was like, but certainly it wasn't nice. And it left me a shell of my former self and I don't mean that was all her fault or it's just circumstances. A lot of stuff went on and we never made it through so let me just... What if I've got a breakout room going on here? We'll just cancel those Delete. Is that why everyone is? Let me go and get rid of that breakout room Yeah, so it wasn't all her It was a lot of circumstances But you know really when you look at what the impact of a relationship breaking down is on someone Then you're bound to come out of it a bit of a shell I think if If you come out of a relationship breakdown really good then you may have been

08:31 You know, significantly to blame. Who knows? I can't imagine what other people go through. I speak to a lot of dads, I work with a lot of dads and hear what it's been like for them when the breakup happens. I've got to be honest though, I don't work with a lot of dads who have come out feeling awesome! They don't really need help in rebuilding their lives so...I guess i should find some of those and get some insights into that but Yeah, it's all over the internet. Divorce groups loads of stuff about mums you can imagine there is a lot of stuff about mums but it really occurred to me that the struggle to rebuild after an experience like this is probably the hardest thing It bleeds over into so many areas of our life one of the first experiences or one of the first times I was exposed to personal development was through a book called Feel The Fear and Do Anyway by Suzanne Jeffers

09:35 1998 I think, I'd broken up with someone who I was dating at university. An awesome woman called Lisa had a lot of fun together. Bizarrely, I broke up with her and then was gutted about it which isn't that bizarre for me that's pretty much true to form and as i was trying to pull myself back together... It was something I knew I needed to do even though it wasn't very nice but just felt couldn't go to London in a relationship And so, yes. Everyone on the tube was reading this book I don't know if it came out at that time or it suddenly happened to be people on the same tube that I got were seeing the same people I was seeing and reading it but anyways... So I bought the book and in Feel The Fear & Do It Anyway she really talked about these different buckets of our life or you know different categories of our life. I think it probably makes a lot of sense. And they can be family friends work money health

10:40 What we eat, our social life. Our faith you know really the kind of categories that you'd count as pretty obvious I think it's people that would have really specific interests that would start to talk about different categories and in fact this little piece of paper here When was, one of those that came about at the really at the inception of Team Super Dad and it actually has written on it. Money health relationships faith fun and personal power so there's six And I've since realized although I followed and been a student of Tony Robbins for for a long while It sort of since occurred to me they're pretty much aligned with him and he got a lot of his stuff off Jim Rohn

11:30 And so these real kind of giants of personal development, it should be no surprise that they pretty much all have the same foundations and cornerstones of what personal development is all about. And I don't want that to scare you off if you've not been someone who's been interested in personal development before or you've not had any involvement with it. aware we are of how we think, how we operate, how we communicate with others. How we react to other people's communication the more we can become responsible for not them because quite frankly before we've done any personal development work We're very much concerned with what other people are doing and how that makes us feel and what's their fault

12:23 But I should probably take some water really, shouldn't I? But it's becoming really aware of our responsibility and our reactions to things. How we can be causing the matter of things either going well or things either going bad and I'd love to say that was beer but as you can see and probably know from some of my other videos it's more likely to be water than beer! I'm not a very good drinker although I have drunk a fair bit in my time. I've done the most, a fair bit of most things but we'll come to that another day So yeah so i was on a mountain...I was in the middle of my breakup The divorce was kind of in progress Fighting for my kids and really really quite desperate

13:16 And trying to put a brave face on, probably doing quite a bad job of that. But as different friends and different family members react in different ways... One of my best mates took me climbing he said let's go and climb the tallest mountain in Austria! It was great adventure He is a great climber done a lot of mountains Mont Blanc, Matterhorn and the... what it called? It's the tallest mountain in Austria, basically. And it's completely slipped my mind... Oh! Grosslokker. The Grosslokker or something like that yeah you can google it We were on the mountain and we're crossing a glacier we had to write equipment on so we were dressed for the cold but if we started off and it was pretty sunny and then before we knew there was a blizzard it was foggy it was cold

14:17 You couldn't see very far in front of you. We bumped into, literally bumped into some Hungarians who were also climbing and they said we should climb together and so we did! And um...and we were all roped together as you know so if you fall, if you fall you can catch each other because you're on a rope you get like five meters of rope I don't know, i wasn't even that bothered. I've been up the mountain lots of times skiing snowboarding so i'm familiar with it but as i was climbing out i was thinking how the hell am i going to pull myself out of this? How my hell am i going to turn my life around? How the hell am i gonna get over the heartbreak? How am i gonna deal with not seeing my kids as much let alone this has been everything i ever stood for and being married having a wife

15:12 Creating the family that I didn't really have because my mum died when i was nine, creating the family that my family in America inspired me to want. You know, I just it was like everything was just broken and in pieces. And at that time I started to meet other dads. I started to speak to other dads. I really hadn't as I've already said gone out and found all these other dad's communities but i had found a couple of Dad's groups that were focused or still are focused on sort the legal side of child contact and those kind of things. So as I was in those groups and learning

15:54 I started to really see how many other dads were in desperate, desperate situations. And actually how this is all around the world? One of the Fathers Rights Movement guys in America he looks bonkers! He's thin as anything and he's kind of like a rapper white guy and he swears a lot but he talks a lot sense so he said the other day I was re-watching him he was talking about 27 million dads in America who are currently and not seeing their children as much they want to, they are detached basically from their children. Quick drink! You think that's a crazy number but it is some kind of 375 million people in America if you said 50% were men that takes you down about 185-190 or something million if you said half those were kids

16:57 That takes you, well not half of them are going to be kids are they? A quarter of them are going to be kids under 20 so that means a third could have children. You start to chop away at it and suddenly find actually 50 million of them had been married And the divorce rate is slightly over 50%. You suddenly start to realise, yeah probably 27 million blokes are trying to gain access to their kids. That also means that 27 million blokes have been involved in a breakup which based on the men I speak to and my own experiences that means a pretty sizeable proportion of those 27 million are struggling or not really having the quality of life they would like to have

17:44 Now, why are they not having that quality of life? There's different angles to this answer. The bottom line to be honest is because they haven't picked themselves up dusted themselves down and got on with it but it's very hard to tell someone when they're in the midst of absolute disaster It's verging on impossible speaking from experience One of my funniest moments and probably not very funny for the counsellor at the time Not a woman I have a great deal Affection for would be the probably the nicest way I could say it, but out of what i feel was quite a lot of damage that she did. She did do one good thing and that was to get me to the doctors and get me on antidepressants. I remember screaming at her basically there's nothing wrong with me! There is nothing wrong with me! I wasn't laughing that's for sure

18:40 Clearly, I'd gotten to the point where my mental health was so utterly broken. Five years of marriage breakdown, five years of my wife's health being pretty awful... A great period at that time I literally thought she was dying and towards the end of it my little brother committed suicide financial troubles trying to grow a business an early teen stepson Three miscarriages. I mean, just...I don't say that for like a pity party. I just want you to know guys that if you've had any version of that then you're probably going to have an impact on your mental health so when you start to look at how we're gonna turn this around you suddenly realise it ain't gonna be easy! It really isn't gonna be easy and going back to the Susan Jeffers book That's primarily because so many of the different buckets of our life are running on empty

19:39 And when those different buckets are running on empty, it's almost impossible to fill them back up. A completely different analogy is around anger and frustration and the ability that we have to deal with things. You know when we are in a state of utter despair that bucket is full you know? When our despair bucket is full then the slightest thing means One drip can make it overflow. You have an outburst, it goes down a bit another one drip can make you overflow and that's one of the dangerous things about despair and hopelessness is that one drip can lead to the ultimate disaster and suicide is at such a terrible high I read this interesting article actually because I'm sure you'll know that male suicide is particularly high but I've read this interesting article when using an example from the Second World War about

20:37 fighter planes and bombers that made it back to Britain, and they were looking at where they'd received all the shots. You know where all the flak and bullets had gone in? And they were going to strengthen the airplanes in those areas. An then this one guy I'm doing a disservice by not remembering his name he said we've actually got it wrong way around its the area's of the planes coming back that aren't shot That we should strengthen because clearly those are the planes that are not making it back. And so why the hell am I saying that? Oh yeah, male and female suicide! We can all get really hung up on... Not hung up. We can all be very focused on the male suicide rates but this article said you know it's quite possible that men are actually better at committing suicide than women

21:27 And that doesn't mean that women are not trying to commit suicide. And so one way or another, you've got children who are losing their fathers and to a certain degree we're definitely experiencing female suicide in the world. So children, families, communities... We are losing people for no reason! If marriage break-up if relationship breakdown is one of the sources of that suicide then blimey, we just need to fix this! The whole way we approach The breakup and more importantly the rebuild is vital. And as I looked at myself, as I crossed that crevasse of snow and wind and Hungarians hanging off ropes behind me all i could think about was I've got to do something here! I've got to rebuild myself and I gotta do something to help other dads rebuild

22:23 I actually had a vision during a landmark education course called the Introduction Leader Program in 2007 for something called The Lodge. And that had a much more positive spirit, but it came from the same place I realise in my heart and that was the idea for The Lodge was men who felt like they were really disconnected from their lives You know, that can happen to all of us whether we're in a relationship or not. But certainly married men dads who feel they've become disconnected from their lives from what makes them get up in the morning from what their vision and ambitions were as young man And the first part of The Lodge was about reconnecting with those things. And the second part about the trip, the vacation, the retreat was that the family and the children would join them and they would end up having a holiday but rather than the holiday where they went home in more week later or arguing, they would get to do cool stuff, get to create a future and goals and a vision for their family values and ways in which they will operate more effectively so that they went back home better prepared

23:25 And so if you listen to this, you can't steal that. I haven't looked it probably exists but if I find out it starts next week, you're in trouble! Um...I'm now a qualified firewall constructor So we're going to build in some firewall activities and empowerment activities around that But is this really what drives has driven my desire for Team Super Dad? So I can't profess to it being Different than other programs that are out there. I can't profess to it being better, I don't know who's immensely qualified and who is not immensely qualified all i do know

24:09 from the experiences of my childhood. I mean, it sounds like a little violin but you know, I've got to share these things because it gives you an understanding of where I'm coming from and how I can sit in this chair and say, I'm not going to stand for that for men not having the lives that they dreamed off. I'm not gonna stand for heartbreak and heartache and children growing up scared of loving people because that's what they've experienced in their life My mum died when I was nine. That came as a shock, the visits to the hospital...I mean seeing her get thinner and thinner and lose all her hair it's weird time it was like the 1980s and It didn't really get spoken about and if it did then I'd forgotten it so when my dad came home that day and told me your mum sat down on the stairs and said your mums died she's not coming home

25:04 That hit me, that left an indelible mark on my soul and my spirit. And has given my life a flavour... it's flavour! And that flavor is never going to go away really as it would be foolish for anyone to think that it's gonna go away any more so than it'll be foolish for anyone to think the experience of getting married breaking up moving on is gonna go away not you want that person back But I think it's a strange person who somewhere in their heart doesn't have a feeling. You know, even if you go back and this is quite often where I find myself it's not the person who I experience now that I want but I do think about the person that I married and how awesome that day was and how that feeling of proposing and everything was so we've got to be careful because those feelings can come back and trip us up or those feelings can have us stuck in the upset

26:00 And relating back to my mum, I really know and learnt but had to learn the hard way that being upset about my mum dying was something that I hung on too for far too long. The confusion around Finding someone else, the upset about moving out of our family home. The mixed emotions of having a baby brother and you know you can't not be excited about having a baby brother in the back there being a baby in the house but It's a lot for 10, 11, 12, 13 year old to deal with let alone before you get into those teenage periods and now you're trying to work out exactly who you are and how do ask the girl out. What does love mean if you've had your heart ultimately broken by losing your mom? What is what is the idea of falling in love even mean to you?

26:54 I spent too much time in my life thinking no matter how hard i try to push it out of my brain, the things I love I lose. And and I've since come to experience that way too many times and so I wonder if I've hardwired that into my brain? What was the audio book...I mentioned this other day on a podcast um and I've forgotten who is by again..it's because A foreign name, even though it's dead famous is a foreign name. But so I've done a lot of personal development and watch a lot of personal development videos and into the subject leaning into that subject to really understand myself better but where come on oh yeah Deepak Chopra

27:43 All the Seven Spiritual Laws and Creating Affluence. You know, I'm going to do the guy a disservice here but you can paraphrase those whole books down into we create what we think about and you can use that as a positive Bob Proctor Wayne Dyer these people often they talk about if you can think it you can hold it But equally, if you keep thinking something bad you're more than likely going to manifest that into your life. You're more than likely going to treat your relationship in such a way that happens and so... A lot of teenage confusion and the ways in which I approach relationships at that point, I have come to realise are ways in which I appreciate approach and I guess there's I do appreciate our relationships in my adult age as well

28:39 Hard to come from the point of what would it have been like if, and certainly as I've wrestled with this place that i've come to in my life trying to understand it all and thinking that's a lot for someone to go through. Why me? Why me? And you meet and you find people literally sat in the gutter thinking with their head in their hands why me! But if you can actually grab that and say, why me? Surely it was a good thing. Surely this amount of stuff wasn't supposed to happen without a reason. If you go back and look at where you can be responsible for things I've since had to take a look up...

29:21 I'm going to be talking about the Gone when it was quite bad over a period of time that should have been aligned in the sand not to end the marriage and not to say I don't care about my wife but

29:59 Rather than be stuck in my head of, I can't keep doing this. It's killing me to actually allow it to be something where you say this has gone beyond what I deem acceptable is now damaging to me and I have to take steps to protect myself What is the future that I want to create? Can I enroll that person in that future? Can I be a stand for our marriage, for a positive day-to-day life because if I can then this is what I've got on the table. This is what I want to create for us and I think for both of us that would have created a space where we would have realized a long time before we broke up that we shouldn't have been together and

30:41 If you can see anything for yourself in that situation, then take it. You know if you can see a place to be bolder in the way that you communicate either with your current wife or your wife or your current partner then great! If its your ex-wife or former partner then what can you do Create a vision for that future and invite that person. Not necessarily to step into it because I don't think, you know certainly from my experience my ex-partner doesn't want to even speak to me let alone have anything to do with the vision of the future that i've created no matter how many times I ask even as basic can we just get along and do what's right for the kids? Um...I can't seem to make a difference and you know I dare say somewhere not too far from my home here she saying the same thing someone else. Another little drink

31:37 That is where having someone else on your podcast, on your Zoom and then you get the great opportunity to sneak a drink in whilst they're talking. I need like a Roland Ratt or I don't know what the American version is but one of those puppet sidekicks will get them involved. Yeah so You know, amongst all that is about taking responsibility. It's about looking at how we're behaving what kind of attitude we bring into the table our expectations on the people that we love and also being bold about what is a deal breaker for us I even remember in my marriage saying this isn't what I signed up for This is not what I signed up for And I got absolutely lambasted by

32:31 I would avoid using anything too derogatory, but the leaders of the Born Again Christians Church that we were in saying oh well there's no way i would ever say to my partner that's a deal breaker or or i'm not committed and wow yeah. I just...I've come to learn so much about mental health and psychology And there's something called a double bind, you know. It's okay to have standards. The standards that I was offering were... and that I wanted were not something new and rather than be taken to somewhere you didn't want to go somewhere really negative to you against everything you stand for it marriages ideally forever

33:26 But so's life and living and enjoying our life. And so without being a complete dick, abandoning the person that you promised to look after when all else is done before you lose your sanity it makes more sense to strategically take yourself out of the relationship. So if we flip that onto its head right now Having been through a breakup, having been upset for probably too long but arguably also that has been the time it's taken to get myself together. That has been the time it's taken to grieve a very good person

34:09 Relationship counselor I did some work with, Shelly Whitehead. You know she said to me oh yeah men do take longer than women to get over the relationship and that's not a man versus woman thing that just the difference between this male machine and female machine. I can't answer why all i can say is that I've experienced it myself and I could see in others Where you have to get to though is understanding that grieving process and know that there will be periods of anger, that there will be periods of real upset. There'll be periods of aloneness and desperation and they're also be periods a great excitement as you look for the future

34:53 But it is cyclical, so don't be too upset when you go from excitement to upset again. But do be responsible for it and that's where goals come into play, that's we're having good people around you, that's where having more fun in life and ultimately that's where having the right support on a program coming. And jumping to another commonly used theme, you know the idea that you are the five people that you hang around with. It's very difficult When you're a single dad and you work in, and if you've got your kids or working or trying to get up clean the house commute. Get fit stay fit walk the dog look after your elderly parents I don't know what your story is but for me

35:46 Being able to go out and find a new group of people, let alone a group of people who I aspire to want to be like. Who are like that next rung up you know? You are the five people that you spend the most time with so go out and get some really cool people to be with it's pretty tricky there is no They're not just sitting in town waiting for you to go and find them. And if you live in a city, it's probably more of an opportunity to find those people. If you live in a small everyday town like I do, like Maidstone then maybe this is the best place to be able to do that – to pull together with a group of like-minded men and dads and granddads and really put a marker in the sand saying

36:31 No, this is who I want to be. What's the skill you're bringing to the table? I'm bloody good at business! Okay great well i'm not so good that but I am damn good being a dad okay yeah well actually I kind of struggle with that and I'm not even sure my kids like me that much okay now we have skills that we can share as the leader of Team Super Dad um...I don't mean leader like the boss but someone has got to lead the train The experts, the coaches, the skilled people I've come across in my career in the last 15 years. Ironically enough as I tried to grow my business

37:09 joined communities of people, business people coaching communities amazing literally hundreds if not thousands of cool people and so bringing them into this community whether it's health or finance or nutrition or anger management parenting sex I mean, the list goes on. There really isn't a skill or coach...I don't know why the word taxidermy popped into my head but i'm pretty sure actually that I don't know a taxidermy coach whatever that means! They're people who stuff animals right? Stuff things so yeah if you're a taxidermy mentor or coach then get on board we'll have a special session

37:58 You know, these were the thoughts I was having as I was crossing that crevasse. Like, I know so many people! What if this whole experience? What if my whole life's experiences had got me to this point? What if everybody I'd ever met I was supposed to meet? What if bizarrely someone said to my mum you're gonna die and I can't do anything about that but I can promise you this for your son and she said yeah okay And that became my destiny. You know, and I know that's kind of the idea a kid makes up when he is upset but you know we're born with our destiny We are born with our blessings and gifts But in another way, I prayed so much for my wife to get better and for our marriage to get better but if you do have faith or believe in some sort of higher spirit then before I got married three significant people

38:56 came to me and said, I don't think you should do this. I don't think you should be with that person and I ignored them all! And I didn't ignore them because they were wrong and I didn't ignore them...I ignored them cause i was in love. I ignored them because my wife and I were head over heels in love and I couldn't believe what an awesome person I'd fallen in love with um..and so I went with it But going back to the point of this is if I'm praying for get me out of this, then maybe God or whoever your version that is said. I tried to get you out of this before you bloody got into it now It's gonna take this but by the way I'm gonna give you this this and this so that you can go and do something good with it And That just feels like what I've been given here That feels like the blessing that I've had put upon me

39:50 Team Super Dad, the idea for it. The have you got a piece of paper because I've got this thing that I need to write down and she only had... Of all the pieces of paper at least she had a piece of paper to be fair in the mountain hut that we stumbled into on that mountain. At least she had a piece of paper but that was the biggest piece of paper that she had. I was so cold anyway that's all i could write down. We played chess, I think we played some kind of game after that and drank a couple of coffees and then about four or five beers. So it's taken me this many years now to put Team Super Dad together the pressure has come on... After the court case in which you know bar a couple of nights a year I now have 50-50 access and it was when I sat down to do my digital marketing work the week after that court process was over

40:53 I suddenly gained the clarity that I should have had probably about two years ago. That Team Super Dad needs to be the focus. Team Super Dad needs to be where my future lies, it is my calling, it's everything I've learned and people that I have come across. Landmark Education, Jim Rohn, Zig Ziggler, Tony Robbins, Mel Robbins, Les Brown all the amazing seminar leaders at Landmark, The Friends from around the world who are coaches Andy Harrington You know, so many people. So many people and even the you know even the everyday aspiring people who I've been on those courses with when they spoken to me have said something poignant and moving one of the most moving parts of media in The Landmark Forum was a lady she was big black lady you know and i say that because it's so you can paint the picture

42:00 energy about her and I was talking about the upset around my mum, and I was talking around the upset around thrashing that my dad gave me at one point when i was young. And she said to me, and I'm not very good at accents, I'm not even sure if I should try it but she pretty much said you know Jonnie If you can move the pain from your mum to your dad, what is this accent? But she said if you can move the pain from your mum to your dad then maybe you could move the pain away completely. And she was summing up so much of what that Landmark Forum weekend was about anyway but it was the distinction that yes I'd moved the pain from one place to the next

42:49 And then it's just like, oh my gosh I could move anywhere. I could move it out or forward into being something positive for my future if I can move it and do anything with it but the worst thing I can do is sit in it like stuck in my past. So that has been a great opportunity to talk about where Team Super Dad comes from you know I've financial goals for Team Super Dad of course because i want to give my all, and I want it to be my life's work from now on. But more than anything I want it to be something that allows me to be the best possible version of myself as a kid I wanted to be racing driver and that kind of stopped when when my mum got ill and the go-karting stopped

43:42 But then as a teenager I wanted to be TV presenter and i felt uncomfortable and guilty about being that person. When I first saw Tony Robbins on tv, Andy Harrington and some other people speaking live at the big motivational entrepreneur event in London, I was like, I want to be that person on stage when I first went to fire walking empowerment events and I saw whoever's running the event leading from the front and really moving In the same way that Landmark Forum Leaders move people, they transform people's experience of life. I just needed to find a place for that vision to sit and the experience of my marriage breaking down, the experience of losing my wife... It literally you know how can relate to the experience of losing someone you love through death? And losing my wife through the marriage breakup is actually worse than someone dying

44:38 When someone dies, you can grieve. They're gone. You have their memories. You can talk about them. You can even talk to them kind of but when the person you love and your marriage breaks down and you actually are still at loggerheads then quite frankly that it's the pain is kinda there because they're there but not there. You could see them but I don't want say have or touch because that could be used against me but you know what i mean? The person you married has gone but this thing is in its place Where, what we do with those kind of thoughts though is about we taking them forward. We can't do anything about the person... the other person. We can never do anything about the other person. The more we try to change people, the likelihood is the more that they're going to resist. The more that we try to change the pain of what we're experiencing, the more this situation will go on. We have to look at what we can be responsible for. We have to learn and develop ourselves

45:31 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Team Super Dad. I'm Fear, what is a fear? In firewalking parlance I've heard fear is false evidence appearing real. It's hot but it isn't going to burn your feet! No not if you deal with the situation appropriately and so is a breakup the end of your life no it's not if you deal with the situation appropriately. I could talk for hours pretty much if anyone knows me well enough they'll know that certainly is the case

46:33 I hope this has been a really solid introduction to Team Super Dad. Just in case you want to know what we would have done if there'd been anyone else on the call here, We've got question number one, question number two, bucket number three, bucket number four... Some of these are serious some of these are a little bit more um i don't know well fun, inane then and there's no serious ones it's just more like how do you stay positive? There you go! There's one. I've ruined it for next week. Number four, Question number four for next week is How Do You Stay Positive Question number one, do you shave your pubes? I do. Best holiday fun for kids was number two and dating app tactics number three. Dating app tactics clearly...I don't know what my attitude towards dating apps is. I certainly have a lot of success on them and I wonder if actually I don't really want any success.

47:29 I wonder if, you know, if I am creating my experience and the results of those things as well because...I don't know. Maybe I'm not ready for a relationship maybe I want one but I'm scared. You know these are things that I have in my own coach these are things that I'm on the journey off but I do know that I'm four years down the line from my breakup And I'm many, many years down the line from a lot of what I've experienced. When I'm in the Dads Forums when I'm in the Fathers Rights Movement groups when I'm working with dads so I do have a number of dads that I'm working with already The struggle, the pain is consistent. The upset, the heartbreak, how am I going to get out of this? What am I going to do about my kids

48:17 It's consistent and that's exciting. That means that wherever you're at, we can do something about it whatever your feeling is not the end of the world you are not alone Team Super Dad is here The community of men is building dads grandparents um its not anti women in any way I have a daughter she probably the most inspiring thing in my life thats not to say my son isn't but my son is mini me I have so much fun with him. I live my life through many of his activities, but my daughter corrects me she holds me to account she makes me see things that i hadn't seen before and she makes me consider things in ways that I've not considered

49:03 I do wonder to what degree the spirit of my mum lives on in my daughter and i think that's an exciting thing to happen. I think that the spirit of our grandparents, our ancestors does live on through our DNA and through our ancestral genes but What I'm getting at there is that Team Super Dad in no way is anti-women. We're all about, I'm all about the legacy of creating strong relationships with our families, with our ex partners, with our current partners, creating legacy for our children where they can grow up confident about falling in love excited about starting a family and their attitudes towards divorce and separation can't come from fear

49:52 Too much of my attitude towards relationships, towards asking someone out, towards being with someone that we want to be with. Towards realizing that relationship was going in a direction that was not aligned with my values Too much of the decisions I made from that came from the pain of feeling like i was losing someone again. And, I don't want that for my children and I don't want it for your children We really have a responsibility to the future... For the world our children are going into whether its environment great people taking care about this hope whether is politics medicine there's so many things but my thing is Dads parenting success

50:38 Building a life that fulfills our ambitions and our dreams. We have a potential, it is our duty to fulfill that potential there is no place for anyone to lay on their deathbed full of regrets about all the things they could've and should've done And I'm paraphrasing that from a number of great people Les Brown talks about it alot Jim Rohn, Zig Ziggler these are names I mentioned but they're names that influenced me a great deal I'm welling up here a little bit, not literally but i am getting quite significant and deep. So I've got a great list...a great what they called playlist on Spotify of some tunes if you need some positive tunes. I've got a great set of videos that are on YouTube for some positive input um you know get the right

51:36 input get the right people around you keep away from negativity and together we can create happiness success health wealth and happiness that the three They can't be cornerstones if there's three of them, right? But they are the linchpins. The core of Team Super Dad. Can you have three things as cornerstones? Sure I'm sure corners... There got to be four corners surely! Can he have three corners? I don't know.... Three corners a triangle?! I need a mathematician and and a builder to help me out with this What comes next? What comes next is come and join the Facebook group. So that's Team Super Dad, well facebook.com forward slash team super dad That is the page facebook.com forward slash groups forward slash team super dad

52:29 That is the community, the community of dads. We're building it's ever growing if you're listening to this and you're not in it get in it! If you're listening to this and you are in it but you haven't told all the dads and blokes in your life then get them in it. The dads, the grandparents then get them in it we need to push those numbers up Twitter and Instagram is TeamSuperDadHQ. The website is teamsuperdad.com, the Rebuild Program kicks off at the beginning of October there's going to be a limited number of people that can fit into that group I'm thinking maybe just 10 so grab a space for that whilst you can there's a video which will be out in the next couple days all about what that's about and the outcomes of that the benefits of why you want to be in that

53:17 I can quickly tell you though, that if you want your best life ever then we're going to build that together. We're gonna make it happen It's a mentoring group. It's uh... it's a coaching group. It's a leadership group You're gonna be invited to step up. We're gonna bring in some cool people. We're gonna really, you know push the envelope on your life and so that the people around you go heck man what's happening? So your children laugh and love the time they spend with you even more There's a stat around podcasts which is about the people that get through to the end. They're called the 20% crew, if you've been with me for the last 53 minutes then you are in the 20% crew I thank you for that we should do some special prizes for people who get this far

54:05 T-shirts, we've got Team Super Dad t-shirts coming down the line. The first logo is done it's really cool it says team super dad it's like a beach thing and it says good times underneath so watch this space for the uh for the t-shirt site and we'll get that going as well thanks so much um leave me a review I can only push this up the iTunes charts if you leave a review And basically just get involved, be part of the Team Super Dad community. I can't wait to meet you! I can't wait to um...be part of what you're up to. I do hope for flipping X-Ate this is recorded although i know it has to some degree. Um..I can't wait to see you on the next Team Super Dad Social or The Team Super Dad Podcast take care lots of love bye

54:58 This has been Team Super Dad. Find us at teamsuperdad.com Join the Rebuild Program and create the best life ever for you and your children! You are not alone, you're on Team Super Dad