Reveal Your Inner Stuntman with John Davis

00:00 In this episode of the Team Super Dad podcast, I chat with sword fighting comedian stuntman and three-time husband mindset master John Davis. This guy was too perfect! Roll theme... Welcome to Team Super Dad Real dads creating their best lives ever More time More money More fun You are not alone you're on team super dad Hey dads, family friends members around the world welcome to the Team Super Dad podcast it is great to have you back.

00:37 This is one of our, this is one of our interview chit chat conversational episodes and today I've got a guy on called John Davis who I won't tell you too much about because it happens at the intro of our conversation but he's too perfect. He's simply too perfect and he looks a bit like Don DeLuise who was Captain USA in The Cannonball Run so we had quite a laugh chatting about that beforehand I love my 80s, 90's movies reference. If you are familiar with Team Super Dad then you will know that we are helping dads create their best lives ever working in the F5 which is Focus Fitness Finance Family and Fun and depending on when you're listening to this we are about to start the next

01:23 The What you want for your life, to have some breakthroughs in your levels of fun and communication with your loved ones. Really just a time to check in, to feel great about yourself and put a smile back on your face and those that matter the most to you It's totally free so come on over to teamsuperdad.com forward slash happy dad and either register for an upcoming one or get ready to start next week

02:06 As always, if you enjoy this podcast please share it like it comment on it pass it around and let's get as many new members into the Team Super Dad community over on Facebook. You can go to teamsuperdad.com and get a free link which if you go to start here you'll get a link to the podcast a link to the Facebook group... you basically get everything you need so head on over there! And as always let's get on with the show John Davis, it's a great conversation. I can't wait for you to have as much fun listening as i did recording catch later welcome welcome It is great to have you all here and as you can see if you're watching the live we are joined today by John Davis A friend from America um... And I say friend because we've just been chatting and now I feel like we're friends

03:04 Absolutely. Thank you, like I said though in the intro a stuntman, a comedian and a guy who's got a program all about your inner action hero this is the perfect...this is a match made in heaven! I'm so glad to have you on the show today how are you John? I am doing great I'm a little cold here in Akron Ohio So that's like Midwest sort of area, not far from well a few hundred miles from Chicago I think. Yeah my family are. Well yeah if you're in a mile we're about and today we're having our I believe it's our 20th snowstorm of the season okay so yeah i know from chicago they got the coldest snap and the most snow since 2005 or something which tomorrow we're supposed to have a low of negative six fahrenheit

03:53 For our Celsius friends, that includes me. That just means really cold basically! Right right right...really really cold. It means I'm staying inside tomorrow. Blimey well it's you can hardly call the snow we've had in the UK any comparison but it is a little bit of snow outside so that's nice to have So anyone that knows me well knows that as far as my movie passions go, it's basically action films comedies and maybe a bit of sci-fi but not on the heavy sci-fi.

04:32 No rom-coms? What are you talking about? Oh, no rom coms. Yeah totally that goes in there basically safe I like to get to the end of the movie and be smiling There we go as long as your just smiling at the end right yeah feel good Disney kind of happy ending live happily ever after John Hughes obviously i'm a child of the 80's so definitely no horror films Yeah, I'm not a horror film person either. I find they get lazy on their scripting myself It just scares me basically. But before we get into that, you need to introduce ourselves properly and just go for it! Give us your introduction and then we'll ask you about your dad life as well. All right well I am John Davis the corporate action hero comedy stuntman fight director college professor theme park director and guy who is the proud father of a 17 year old kid

05:32 Giving me whole new lessons in hormones. Well, I've got that with a nine and eleven year old. A nine year old girl an 11 year old boy of course didn't occur to me that they would have puberty at the same time but that's what happening now good luck to you my son yeah um but thankfully and i take this as basically inspiration particularly from my American family A real endeavour to stay as close.

06:10 And not just be friend, friend. You know like stay as close as we possibly can have as much fun together talk a lot and so that our relationship is close and real for as long as we can to through each stage of their lives because it's really easy when they were little kids because they just run along behind and have fun now they've got views of their own but I find each stage takes about six months to adjust and then i've relearned them I discovered that for me it really took giving a lot of positive reinforcement. Because by giving as much positive reinforcement as I could, when I had to give a negative it meant more. So my father used to say you know one-oh crap wipes out a thousand attaboys right? But yeah Give the thousand attaboys because if you don't give this up because right now if my son messes up I can literally go excuse me and everything stops Yeah He knows if I say if I say excuse me like that that means I'm not happy

07:10 And for the most of the time, I'm just telling him how great he is. So... No, I really hear that totally! I say to my kids like i'm gonna let so much go And then you're going to hit my line and like at that line I am strict as hell. Right, right! And there's also an accountability factor with all the COVID-19 and virtual schooling...I found that i had to look at his schooling from the aspect of I need to make sure he's on top of this so um I go into Online classes and I look at his grades and what he's doing, and what he has and hasn't done. Yeah, stay right on top of it And I tell him flat out so that i'm doing this I need you to know that I'm here To make sure that you get this right? He's totally appreciative we totally have open communication about that and It's funny because

08:03 Me, I'm a theatre dad. I'm an actor and very artistic person He is a complete engineer minded person with extreme skills in mathematics And it's at the point now where he actually mocks me for my bad maths So we have great kind of fun relationship back and forth That's brilliant You're like the ying and yang that must be... you'd be great on desert island or something Yeah yeah right exactly And before we get into all the other stuff, just touching on your marriage life. John how many times have you been married? Well they call me triple X because I have three of them and don't get me wrong it's not a bad thing! You know i learned a lot in those marriages one of the things that I learned and in every one of them was that I need to make sure that I remain who I am rather than giving myself up for somebody else

09:01 And when I was going in and they would have great expectations. It's a matter of, you know loving unconditionally or conditionally? I was loving unconditionally and they had a lot of conditions So in the end those relationships...I'm actually better off now because after all three of those I am now a much more rounded person If I ever get into another relationship again which I'm not looking for that but I'm gonna make sure that The whoever I get involved with loves me for me rather than what they want me to be. Yeah, yeah and I know for myself I have a quite poor track record in terms of success

09:40 So I now have a fairly committed committee of people who, I've had to promise that they will be allowed to vet any future serious relationship. Well that's good! That you got that firewall there to protect you from the virus. But here is a quick question for you. And you can tell me to naff off if you want, but was there a point in those marriages where you feel like you could have left sooner and it would've been better for you? Oh yeah. My last marriage was very interesting

10:23 I discovered very quickly that I was literally just being used for my skills. In fact, she used to tell people they'd say well how's it what your husband like and she would say he's useful right? And i was taking care of her mentally ill aunt while she was on the road working so it turned out that I was literally just the one who was picking up the slack for her and that went on for five years And, you know I could have easily left that out. My first wife she was severely bipolar and you know i'm one of those guys that when I speak that oath...I mean it! and I'm going to stick with it. So we were going through some very serious mental issues and I was in it for the long haul no matter what because

11:13 My word is good. And, you know when that finally... When she left me I was like oh thank God! You know? I don't have to do that anymore and my second wife the one who is the mother of my child if I was going to say anything she was the love of that part of my life for many many years we were together for a long time and She had some things where in her past, she had some control issues. And so there was a lot of controlling issues that made her constantly look for reinforcement and she would mistake reinforcement for infatuation. So she would look outside the marriage and find things to be infatuated about

12:10 Being in that one for as long as I was, you know, I could have seen some of that. We were both of us by the end of that marriage were very depressed. Yeah yeah and that's a healthy awareness to have and when i'm working with dads and I'm really just sharing my experience it's okay that at marriage we gave our vows and of course it is important to be committed to them But I've come to realize as well that it's okay to consider that when that chapter reaches its end, its okay to close the book and move on to the next chapter. You said it perfectly we are all writing the book of our life

12:54 And the books are always filled with chapters. And the issue is we get to decide whether we're writing a comedy, a tragedy an adventure story you know? We get to look at that and decide what were creating into our experience The thing is when you close a chapter your next chapter starts a new idea in a new direction If your past wasn't a good chapter it's time to rewrite it towards a positive direction When you look at from a scientific A mindset sort of situation. Your past is just snapshots of present moment memories, right? And your future is just a place where you set goals for your next present moment

13:35 But your present moment is the only moment you're truly experiencing. It's the only moment that you're truly active, I mean you can't go to the store next Thursday right now and you can't go to the store last Thursday right now. You could only go to the store right now so it's best to make this present moment the best it can be. The issue that I see is that people sit in their present moment and they're focused on getting to somewhere else And the reality of it is that outcome that you're trying to get to, that's over there doesn't...you don't get it. It comes to you dependent upon what you do here and now You know, it's moving towards you. Not...you're not moving towards it and so you need to make sure you're making small successful present moments So then those moments can stack behind you and create these successful moments behind you And then that future can come to you because that present moment is the only one you have to create anything Yeah! That's a really beautiful picture Small consistent actions

14:28 Building Towards The Future You Want To Achieve. And I know from those relationship situations that to fall in love and to be in love and have a child, grow that family and be in those goals together is brilliant But when it's time, if you're not aligned anymore then don't drag each other down for five years. Well and I was raised Catholic and yeah uh and i'm no longer catholic i consider myself spiritual not religious but my mother she she was so catholic she had her master's degree in liturgy and was head of liturgical doctrine at our church and she was in a marriage that you know spawned seven children thank god i was number six right? And um at the end of her life

15:13 She was depressed. She wasn't happy and I was talking to her one day, she said you know if it wasn't Catholic I would have divorced him years ago. Now i'm grateful she didn't divorce him before I was born but what a terrible way to live your life! Yeah true and someone for myself as well I'm a Christian, consider myself now also spiritual. I have it. I have a Christian based faith right? I'm all okay with God and okay with Jesus being around some of the Old Testament are fun little bit questionable but you know, I don't see inside of the Bible or any religion where it says you must suffer

15:55 And we are on this planet to have a blessed experience. I think too much of it got caught up in what suited society at the time, and stay together and don't be on your own and don't be a woman who's got kids with no husband. Thankfully were not in those times anymore. Absolutely! You know Jesus... The Gospel John says God is love Didn't say God is fearful judgment. He said, God is love! Right? God is waking up miserable and going to bed miserable. And interestingly enough if you look at what Jesus actually said he said it is your faith that heals you and You know He washes disciples feet to show that he was no better than them. He says greater works Than I have done you will do now here's the thing that I always throw out when I talk spirituality and creating something new into your life

16:44 Jesus said, whatever you ask in God's name is granted. But if you jump back in the Old Testament and listen to what Moses said after he talked with the burning bush... The burning bush when He asked him what his name was, the burning bush said I am! So whatever your saying after I AM is asking for God in His name for something. So I live my life going I Am blank. What am I gonna put after that? So anything I'm putting after that is literally what's being created into my experience. Creating possibility moment by moment Now here's the interesting part when I'm coaching someone, is that I take words out of their vocabulary and the main words they take out are wanting needing hoping and trying because those words are completely inactive present-moment words If you're asking, I am wanting then God is going to lovingly give you wanting

17:39 And that sucks, right? But if you're going I am creating. I am enjoying. I am living. You know really creative vibrant dynamic words after your I Am statement... Wow! What a great life you're gonna live and i'm proof of it. In 30 countries around the world, I laid in the sarcophagus of the Great Pyramid of Giza. I climbed Machu Picchu. I climbed Mount Sinai and swam in the Blue Lagoons of Iceland. I've been all over the world and done everything I've ever wanted to do strictly because I said I am going to do it right now. Can I throw a big story at you? Yeah cool one second let me just say hi to the people that are messaging on stuff thank you Mark we can see there Mark's going in Hi guys

18:21 Another one here, no name but if you click on the streamyard.com forward slash Facebook you will get your name shown in lights on the Team Super Dad podcast. If you're watching on the replay well you can see that if you're listening to the podcast then you just cant see nothing because I hope you're not driving or something, or cooking dinner. But it's great to have you all here and feel free to share like comment and spread the love across your socials for Team Super Dad thank you yes John tell us your big adventure well because there's so much to get into right? Right was it man comedian the flipping...I don't know..the people you must know the place you've been so brilliant i can't wait to hear some of this. Well I want to tell this story because

19:05 was the impetus for me doing all I did. Okay, so when i was 22 years old and wanted to be a stuntman it was my goal! I wanted to be a stunt man and I was doing stage combat and sword fights at renaissance festivals... And I was strong as an ox and just as buff as could possibly be. What sort of year are we talking? Uh 22 so I'm 56 right now you do the math my son would do it for you but he's not here So you were born like 60s, 63 something like that 66. Yeah so okay so early 80's you would early 80's you were starting out on your acting career? Pretty much yeah! A friend of mine was a professional potter he made beautiful pottery called me up one day knowing that I was above strong young lad

19:54 He said, can you help me unload this clay from the back of my van? I said sure. So I came over and the clay came in 80 pound boxes and I climbed up in the back of his van. I picked up an 80 pound box of clay And when I turned to set the box down My upper body separated from my lower body and I collapsed and was paralyzed They took me to the hospital doctor said John you have spina bifida occulta. I said gesundheit What the hell is that? And he said, well when you were born your three of your vertebrae right above your pelvis didn't form properly. He says when they, you know, one vertebrate formed they come around and make a donut and it looks like a donut with two hands praying to flanges. And my hands basically missed on three of the vertebrae

20:42 The And the doctors were saying, you'll never be a stuntman. You'll never be a fight director. You'll never have a physical career. You better find us something sedentary to do right now which is death for someone with an actor's mindset like me. Yeah. A performance mindset so I was like okay i'm in this real depressed state because he's telling me my life is over at 22 pretty much

21:18 And someone came in and gave me a book called The Tao of Jeet Kune Do by Bruce Lee. And it's a book about his philosophy of martial arts, it's still the number one selling martial arts book in the world. Found out that Bruce wrote that book when he was in traction at the hospital right after doctor told him that he would never do martial arts or lift weights again. So I'm reading this book and I'm seeing this whole concept of mental flexibility, of keeping your mind in play. Bruce would say being like water an obstacle comes up the obstacle doesn't stop you work your way around it you work your way through it but you are like water. And so Bruce after he wrote that book While He's In Traction and Bruce went on to do every movie we know him from

22:13 in the world. He was a famous actor in China as a kid, but the movies that we know him from all the martial arts movies and even Kato is The Green Hornet all of that happened after he was in traction at the hospital so I took that as my sign and I just started remaining flexible doctors wanted to put a pin on my back to make sure my back stayed solid And I refused the pin because I knew it wouldn't allow me to do a high fall Or a role. And so I refused the pen and by taking present moment actions, by keeping exercising my back working it out do continually doing the things that needed to do. Um...I went on to do over 4000 live comedy sword fighting shows

22:56 The shows were done in 16 countries around the world. I have jumped off of tall buildings and landed in pads, I have been on fire, I've done all kinds of crazy things in my life all after that just by keeping that mindset. That took me into a study of mindset and how we achieve things And is that about painting the picture in your mind of like, my body is whole. I can this is what I'm going to become like a real innate on the one level and innate self belief but also really consciously imagining that thing coming together or that back healing? What was the access to that? That is absolutely part of it but if you that visual can take over your life and

23:45 That visual that you have without present moment action is a daydream. It's not an actual action motion. So, you have to make sure that you're not going I am... You know it's like…I'm a believer that affirmations don't work and I'll tell you why people think of affirmations when I hear the word affirmation I hear I'm shoring something up that isn't solid. I've got to affirm it right? I believe in declarations. I believe you declare it and you do it, period. Or as Yoda would say in Star Wars, hmmm! Do or do not there is no try. You do what you have to do right? And so when I look at that...I set a goal and they're out there. I also completely understand that that goal is malleable. It can change at any given moment but that change is my choice. I get to choose what I want in my life

24:36 So I stayed very present moment. What am i doing? I am blank, I am exercising my back, I am taking a two-mile walk today, I am learning to do the next style of sword fighting you know...I am, I am, I am, by stacking these present moments, I am moments of success behind me, I did over 4 000 stunt shows! And I can imagine that Those incremental steps. Yeah, yeah! Not focusing on the I'm going to be completely better and jumping off a building but the incremental steps that we're going to lead to that and celebrating each and every one of them. Right so if you're morbidly obese person You can sit here and say...I am a thin person But you still can't see your shoes! Yeah right? But you could look down and say I AM losing weight

25:34 I am walking that extra mile. I am doing the things that are keeping that goal, I'm going to achieve a goal but I am doing this because of that goal. I have here now living in the present moment and only present moment I have. And what, have you been in any movies that we might know or have you done anything? Everyone wants to know about the famous stuff don't they. I've done a lot of B-movies the biggest one i was in was a movie called California with Brad Pitt He was a serial killer. I was a biker, so you can find me in the bar scenes and outside the bar and stuff like that mostly what i do is technical stuff is one of the guys behind the scenes teaching bull whips or quick draw or nunchucks or martial arts skills yeah Elizabethan swordplay broadsword stuff like that I'm an expert in those skills So I'm training actors usually

26:37 You can wield a lightsaber or a flipping giant metal kind of sword. One of my very good friends is actually a Jedi Knight, he's actually in one of the films as a Jedi Knight and has an action hero figure made for him. Jokla Dunva was his character name! Oh wow, and how does a stuntman end up as a comedian? Because I'm a lover of comedy. I can't say i'm an aficionado right now...I can't reel off 50 different stand-up comics but from my early

27:20 Youth, I think it's probably inappropriately young but Richard Pryor and we touched on Robin Williams. And obviously with my family connections in Chicago Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi and Mike, my cousin Sheila she's in the stage shows and movies in Chicago so I've always had a love of comedy. I don't like serious movies either If I've paid my six bucks or whatever it blooming costs now, I want to come out happy. I don't want to be sweaty and terrified and crying! That's funny... How did i get into comedy? It was very interesting when I first got into acting, I was still a very young man and I was drug kicking and screaming to a renaissance festival that had never been the one in my life

28:15 So I went to this Renaissance Festival and the guy who took me was already very much into them. And he said, well we're going to go but you're gonna wear a costume! I was like what? He put me in a costume and I went to the festival and I was walking around all day and people were taking my picture because he put me in like Full chain mail with a Viking helmet. Right? So, and I'm 6'1", at that point I was 250 and muscular so I looked like a film. And I looked the part right well all day long i was this big intimidating character and I started realizing that I could be a big intimidating character or I can be just a goofy funny guy

28:56 So I started joking that I was Darian the Barbarian, right? And I started playing at that. And the more I played with that, the more I really fell in love with the idea of just making people laugh and then I went on and created Sir Cyril the Chicken Hearted, all these characters that were sort of Monty Python-esque. As I went on, I just started loving that idea of comedies and I started taking comedy sports which is started with Second City and those guys in Chicago, the comedy sports So I started doing live improv games and hanging out with comedians all the time. Next thing you know, I put together my comedy show Hack & Slash which was an iteration of several other comedy shows that I had already done. And I was combining sword fighting in comedy because I wanted to do both

29:48 And so the Hack and Slash show went on to do shows all over the world, including we did over 100 shows on the front lines of Iraq and Afghanistan on USO tours. Oh for the troops? All the way out! We were in the Anbar province when they said don't go. You know, we hit every Marine base in the Anbar province. They loaded us into two helicopters The Jonnie Jensen Show,

30:30 Get some release, just get some laughter in themselves. Laughter that is the tonic a friend of mine Pete Cann, The Laughter Man has introduced me to laughter yoga and blimey we had we had a blast the other day doing a podcast one of my favorite scenes from the Mary Poppins movie when they're all laughing and they're all stuck on the ceiling because they're laughing so much! That's the whole thing it's like we can choose laughter We don't even have to, like right now you and me can start laughing right just about anything. And it would make us feel better! It's an amazing gift we have as humans To be able to lift our mood through laughter. And you know, your mood does determine how you feel and wave it's like even the Beatles used to say life is a drag or it's heavy when they were down right? But I have friends who are professional mimes and you know the old story if a mime is cutting down a tree in the forest and the tree falls backwards and hits the mime does anyone care?

31:30 But what I found interesting is they're so in tune with their bodies that this man was named Pepe from Norway and he comes over and he's doing this exercise workshop on physical body, how the body works. And he says come here... He says what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna give me a minute. I'm going to get into state and you come over here and try to lift me now. Now I am 6'1", 250 strong as an ox kind of guy Pepe is a 5'3", 120 pound guy and I walk over and I can't budge him. Oh, I can't lift him up. Now I could...I've lifted 200-300 pound guys over me right? And this is the guy, I can't lift them off the ground he says alright let me do it again so he changes, he recenters himself. I go over and I can pick him up almost not even closing my hands just putting my hands under his elbows lifting them and it's like really easy lifting

32:26 The difference was in his first state, he was thinking of being a tree poking himself to the ground. In the second state, he was thinking about himself being a bird and so his mental state determined how heavy he was. So when you're in a depressed state, you literally hang. I remember we talked about the divorce as my first divorce. I was driving home from work and I was hanging on my steering wheel like this I suddenly had a thought because we were now divorced, she had moved out. Yeah and i'm just depressed and suddenly I had a thought...I was like she's not gonna be home! And I was suddenly four inches taller yeah well mindset is is a trap for people who haven't mastered it yet and after my divorce when I started Team Super Dad there was very much a focus on single dads and helping single dads right? And I've moved away from that

33:21 for a couple of reasons. Number one is that it's not just about single dads creating the life of their dreams, like I've really realised now that my goals for my life are the same as they were when i was a kid let alone before I was married or after I was married It's full in love have the house secure the future holidays children laughter fun and and it's about how do we create all those things because so often men presume that it's just going to happen Right. And then they're upset that it hasn't, failing to realize that to be an expert in all those areas is going to take a lot and so Team Super Dad is about answering that question. But mindset... Go ahead. Well mindset is just-is a pit

34:02 Because if it's, okay well I'm not happy. Why am i not happy? Well I'm not happy because I'm stuck in this marriage or this job or this...I've got a backache okay right so then you just there is downward spiral telling less and less people about what was really happening. How are you doing now? Oh I'm fine thanks! Telling less and less people about it So you're getting no support You're getting no positive uplift from yourself And the story that's rattling around your head Like validation of things not going that well. Right, and if you really look at it from an interesting perspective a lot of that story that we're telling ourself comes from other people telling us things in the past it's our subconscious mind but the interesting thing is our subconscious mind is the tool...it's a partner in our success right because our way our subconscious mind works is when we consciously choose something our subconscious mind kicks in to help us achieve

34:55 And here's the proof of that. Good or bad? Right, right! Good or bad. Exactly. So and here's just a little test for your audience that'll prove what I'm saying here you know if you've ever bought a car and you've chosen what kind of car you wanted to buy Or any big item...any item that you wanted to buy You know did you notice that after you chose it and before you bought it That you started seeing that thing everywhere That car started, you drive down the road and there's one of those cars. Because your subconscious mind is kicking into what your conscious mind is creating right now if your subconscious mind is mired back here with parents who told you couldn't because of their own depression era thought pattern right? And all these things what's happening is you're now... There's a mire behind you and your mindset gets stuck in the I can't

35:50 And, you know we talked a little bit earlier about Christianity. Jesus said be born again He didn't mean anything but set down your past junk stay in your present moment and start something new right? So I live in Akron Ohio which is a 30 minute drive to Cleveland Ohio if I commuted to work every day I would probably pass 1,000 cars on the road and everyday I might see an accident off to the side of the road But tonight on the news, there's going to be an accident on the news because it's the anomaly. What should be on the news is that 99 cars made it safely to their destination without a problem! That's miraculous right? So our world is predominantly positive...it's just a matter of what you're focused on so if you're focused on I can't, I won't, I shouldn't

36:44 Then you're not creating anything in your present moment positively, right? Your positive mind will give you exactly what you ask for. What you believe in and that's why negative people always have something to be negative about Yeah, and then they moan about it. And if you call them on it guess what happens then? You call them on it they go to the next person and point at you and say look what they did for me! You become the next negative thing He wouldn't even let me be miserable Right right right! They know what he does They wouldn't let me be miserable that's funny No it is so true though It is So true I did a post the other day just about owning our language

37:26 So I've just contributed to this book called Being Fine. And it's 18 short stories by men, their experience of hitting rock bottom and bouncing back. And the premise of the book being called Being Fine is you know how are you? I'm fine! Not really being fine at all and that is mindset as well people need to catch themselves because if it's a constant lie...I'm fine but I'm not really fine then your associating being fine With misery, with complete lack. With unhappiness and scarcity and that's how suicide happens. The comedian George Carlin had a whole bit on the word fine

38:08 Oh really? Yeah, he said how are you fine fun no you're not. He says fine is a soft kind of flabby word I'm fine how's your hair fine. Fine that what was the comedian called George Carlin his long since dead but it's bound to be on YouTube and everything's on YouTube. He's the guy who did The Seven Words You Can't Say On TV or Radio His whole bit on that too. He says it at high speed, I'm not going to say it on your show! Well we do... On the Friday we do the wrap-up. The wrap up is full of... It definitely has the E on iTunes. Full of swear words so we're okay. Oh yeah all comedians and stuff. I love watching comedy and we mentioned before Comedians in Cars getting coffee with Jerry Seinfeld on Netflix. I flipping love that

39:03 Just to get real with those people, seeing first of all how raw and natural comedians can be with their humour. It's like it's no wonder poor Robin Williams went mad that their version of the world is wild! Is different to us but but the thing I love about comedians in cars getting coffee is in amongst the chilled out banter There's just such hilarity, just such a genuine comedy between Seinfeld and whoever he is talking to. Yeah! They find the world funny that's one of the things that I in my life have been very grateful for is...I find the world funny. I laugh at everything right? And one of the things we talked about the present moment thing is a lot of people they don't find their world funny

39:53 And when they mess up, they beat themselves up over it. Right? And they go I'm so dumb! That's why I went bald! The reality of it is that, even though I'm so... you know. I had that thought are you still there? You kind of just came back. We came in and out yeah the reality of it is that In those moments instead of wasting that next present moment on beating yourself up. You should go well That was silly why did I do that? Yeah, because I'm creating something new right yep totally yeah

40:33 Sorry, I'm just trying to fix why we went off there a second. But you know what? Let's shift gears as love that podcast expression which means nothing really so it is nice way to segue between two topics but all this experiences that you've had yeah your now through the You've got your own F5 as well, because in Team Super Dad they've got the fitness-focused finance family and fun. John Davis has his awesome... how do you call your five? The Five F's! Fearlessly focused with faith follow through with flexibility

41:12 Love that. So you take all of your, and this is before anyone thinks we're about to get into a shameless plug here that's not the case This work that you do inside of corporate companies is very much, and you'll be able put it much more eloquently You know, having people see their own powers inside of them. Liberating teams to create new futures, new next days, new projects and dads men can do this not just in work but in their families, in their social situations, in their romance like it really is about saying hang on a minute this isn't working

41:54 And I Can Do Something About It. So, so again this is part of why was soaking to have you on and great to have you here tell us more about how How does your program work for people? And then we can talk about how dads can actually apply that in all areas of their life. Right, well it's cool because it is not just for corporations, it is for the individual as well. What this is based on is hacking your fight or flight response We all have a natural primal fight-or-flight response which stops us from achieving and basically everything that comes into our life we assess it as a threat or not We have natural physical responses that shut down, literally shut down our brain. You know if you ever watch those wildlife shows like National Geographic or something on television there's always that one episode with that gazelle that's out there eating that grass kind of looks like this right and then suddenly the predator cat hits the field and that first thing the gazelle does is go

42:53 The gasp for air, the gasp for air. Well whenever we get into a fear state ourselves we have the same response you know your father did ever see that time when one of your kids almost fell down and you went oh! And because you saw him almost get hurt? Yeah yeah That's natural fight-or-flight response it's part of your natural primal instinct and what's interesting is most people think when they're in a fear state they can't breathe They actually say it I can't breathe Well, it's not that they can't breathe. It says their body is reserving air. Their lungs are full and the reason their lungs are full is because they've taken a big gasp of air so that they can run further and faster but if you take an actor and put them on stage and forget all their lines and have that fear moment where oh my god what am I going to say now? They're trained, literally trained to exhale and relax all their muscles

43:44 And what it does is it shuts off the primal response and turns the brain back on. All their lines come rushing right back into their head because the line's already there, but if the thing is, it's a matter of shutting off that response so in fearlessness when I was talking to the soldiers on the front line getting ready to go out and get shot at, I said how do you go into a situation like that? And they say well we have to first set our fear aside. So they've learned how to compartmentalize their fear and then Then I focus on my objective, what I'm trying to get done. When you're talking to a stuntman and he's standing on top of a five-story building getting ready to jump... He's not thinking about getting hurt or the jump. He's thinking about where he is going to land! Looking at the pad and saying that's where I am going right? That's what your focused on right?! So you got to fearlessly focus. You need your focus and positive focus because if you are focusing on negative as we said earlier

44:38 You're going to get a negative outcome. So you get fearless by releasing your fear and think about this, when I ask people what fear is in my audiences? I get like dead silence until somebody in the back room will say False evidence appearing real. So you can set fear aside because fear is a choice. So, shut off that primal response and just set it aside get focused on your outcomes so now you're fearlessly focused right? And after that... Sorry to interrupt we just pause there because I think that's so important yeah people listen to podcasts and there are two guys talking in the words go past them but particularly for people who experience anxiety

45:34 The way that you just summed up fear could be a real breakthrough for them. Can you just repeat that? Could you break it down again, that when they're feeling fear they need to get that its not actually real its just their interpretation of the situation. Fear is not rooted in your present moment, it's rooted in some future event that may or may not happen Fear is an emotional reaction to some future event that may or may not happen, but it's determined by your focus on a negative outcome. So if you change the focus to a positive outcome your fear naturally dissipates because you're no longer in that state of something negative right? Fear isn't just-just an emotional reaction and so

46:22 And to encapsulate it even smaller, it's just negatively focused uncertainty. I'm uncertain about what is happening and I think its going to be bad but as Shakespeare said there is nothing good nor bad but thinking makes it so Good old Will, he knew it. He's a self-help guru! Well you know he also said one of the quotes that gets bypassed a lot that I love in Hamlet when Claudius is praying and lamenting over the fact that he killed his brother... he says words without thoughts never to heaven go so what you're saying you've got to believe it

47:07 Which brings us to the third of the five F's. Aren't I slick? The third of the five Fs is faith, belief confidence—you have to believe it because if you're not believing what you're saying and doing and thinking then you're not creating because as Jesus said it's your faith that heals you...it's your belief! You know he also said Jesus was a pretty amazing guy but Buddha also said what do you think you become when you create your world So you're creating your experience. But Jesus said, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can ask a mountain to move and it will move—nothing will be impossible for you. It is literally about your belief. What you believe is what you're creating and fear is based upon negative belief. We've got Fearlessly Focused with Faith. The next one's one of the harder ones—it's Follow-Through

48:00 You've got to actually take your present moment actions in alignment with those other things. And if you're not taking your present moment actions, like I said before... If i didn't take my present moment action is that I would be at a sedentary job right now or I would have killed myself because I couldn't get what I wanted to do with my life. I would have given up but by doing those present-moment things based upon my belief about what I was creating and my faith in what I was creating, I was able to do all the things that I've done so fearlessly focused with faith follow through The last one is the biggest of all of them, and it's flexibility. Something's always going to come up that seems contrary to what you're trying to achieve. Something always does, and if you can take that moment and remain flexible... You know in my when I'm doing my speeches this is a whole nunchuck routine that i do. I do fancy, the two rigid objects with a piece of flexibility in between right? But the idea this is is that when something comes up If your stay focused on where you're going, then realize that the thing that came up is only there because

49:03 It's something that has to be addressed, encompassed or gotten rid of because it's part of the process of achieving what you're going for. So the reason it came up is because your subconscious mind said hey You got a deal with this To get that but a lot of people get to that place and they go well I can't have that now so I have to give up and you can't lose That moment, the momentum. You've got to realize that thing came up Because it's a part of the process of getting what you're going for Yeah, and that dovetails for me into the point we covered about divorce and separation and moving on. When if we're not flexible when that thing that comes up that doesn't look like the outcome we planned if we can't see it as oh well that's an interesting experience It's gonna leave me better prepared for what comes next If we have it just as Oh no! That's wrong, that's broken, that's the end then we're left on our flipping knees

50:03 dying that we're so unhappy about whatever happened, instead of recognizing... Of course there's some sadness but instead of recognizing as wow that was an interesting experience I wonder what i'll be able to do with that next time. Well and check this out a lot of people when they have a divorce you know they'll sit in their present moment and literally declare that person was the love of their life well that's declaring that there's nobody better Right? That's literally declaring that there is nothing better than that. So I reframe that immediately as soon as I hear somebody say that, they were the love of that part of your life. They were that chapter right and now from this point out The tragic part is done you've established that character Now your going to create a comedy! Yeah yeah yeah And equally on a positive for people looking to keep their relationship going or rekindle it

50:53 Decide there's a new chapter here right now. Like if you can get aligned on new goals and visions, then boom that new chapter can be for both of you. Everybody in the world wants to be loved in some form and if you can find out what's important your partner And express it early. I'll tell you one of the things that I do is, as I said earlier in my speech, I bring a person on stage and I teach them in five minutes time to crack a whip and take targets out of my hand. Yeah actually... You said earlier you ask for someone who's not very confident on... you specifically asked for someone? Specifically choose the most timid person I can find. Now what's really interesting about that is the idea that when at one point

51:38 I bring them to the stage and their first fear is being in front of their peers, being in front of all that audience. So you would bring them onstage and say isn't she a rock star? And I get the audience cheering for her so I immediately take the fear away. She's not going to look dumb because they already love her right so took that away but when it gets down to the point where I'm in front of her she's already cracked the whip and I'm holding a target her biggest fear at that point is hitting me So I turn to her and say, look at me. Did you hear it crack? And she goes yeah. And so I go, so you already know how to crack it, you don't have to worry about that anymore all you have to do is just look right here and when I teach her the cracked whip I'm talking about fishing casting a fishing rod. Look right here just cast your fishing rod. I promise you will not hurt me but when I give her that out

52:34 Out of her fear. She hits it every time, right? And in the speech I jokingly say—I go sometimes when you're guiding someone through the Five F's, you gotta lie to them! But the reality is that I have to realize that its' her experience she's going through and by understanding what she's going through and addressing the fears she has right away It takes that out of the equation and she can then get back into her brain. By saying that, I watched her exhale. I promise you're not going to hurt me. Good instant relief for her instantly so she shut her fear down and she just did it. Wow. Blimey! And not to bring this always back to relationships but people do that to each other in their relationship So they sit there opposite someone thinking, I know I love them but i'm also terrified

53:29 I am terrified. What is that creating? We said the, I am moment earlier but if you can be the person who recognizes their fear...I was coaching a couple one time and the wife called me up and she was always having a problem with her husband And as she's telling me the problem The main problem wasn't that he didn't love her The main problem was that He was afraid of her not loving him And so I said to her, you know what next time you start having a problem. I want you to turn your husband and say no matter what i'm going through I will always love you and they never had problems since because every time they got an issue she would reinforce the fact cause he would see like her growth as a challenge to their relationship right? She would go out and she started doing... when I first met her

54:29 She was agoraphobic. She couldn't leave her house, you know? Driving to the store was like an all-day struggle to even get to go to the corner store. By the time we ended up finished working with her she did a solo trip to Africa climbed a mountain and hung out with gorillas. I mean just by changing her mindset about what she was doing and what she was creating into her life... And it's the same thing in relationships! You know if you're in a relationship that's limiting someone from achieving what they want, then you don't love them. You love what you want them to be. You can't live their life for them and it's the same thing if you're going into a relationship... If you're in a relationship, you have to be you fully for them to love you and if you're not you fully, then you're living their life and not yours and your relationship is doomed to fail because they got together with you originally because they liked ya and then you changed right?

55:30 Yeah, this came up in another conversation just this week about it's okay to be all about yourself. Because that allows you to be all about others as well. So the two pieces have to be there, right? It's not just going around being a selfish ass but too often men have it like I've gotta look after everybody else, gotta look after everybody else failing to realize that they haven't got the strength to look after everybody else because they haven't looked after themselves so looking after yourself is okay because it helps you look after other people and no one can say I am for you

56:09 Yeah, you're the one who has to say the I am because it's your the only moment. You're the only one who can create your experience right? Um, I recently did an interview with a lady who is a diversity and inclusion speaker, and I was telling her this story of driving home from the beach 1 time. I was driving back to Ohio from the East Coast And I pulled over at a rest stop on the side of the road and there are these two black men standing over in the shade. And I was driving my Jeep with its, I have a Jeep that has lift kit and big tires and the whole bit. And I'm a big burly white guy with a beard right? And I come around to parking lot and see this shaded spot. I'm like, I'm going to park in the shade because I have the top off. And I'm pulling in and I see these two black man and I stopped because I realized immediately by watching the tension

56:57 that they were looking at what they considered a redneck in his big jacked up Jeep, you know pulling it. So I stopped and rolled down the window well not the window doors open I said do you gentlemen mind if i share your shade? And I watched their fear go away! I watched so by looking at their experience and knowing the racial inequalities that they've experienced through their life and being a guy going I see it and I respect you And I don't have any animus towards you. It, I sat there and talked with those guys for about an hour we talked about fishing and they wanted to know all about the Jeep and all that. We had a great experience because i was empathetic

57:43 Towards their life experience. Yeah, and it's the same thing in any relationship you're in You can live your life And you have to live your life and be fully you but you also if you choose To be in a relationship you have to have empathy for the people around you and understand what they're going through as well Sometimes sometimes a well-timed are you okay is all you really need to do I'd you know that is such wisdom. Are you okay? And it's about having a whole world perspective and I had to write an email to someone the other day, and it was about our problem we busted up against each other and there was a problem and I wrote this email and it was quite direct and I've been been direct on purpose because I wasn't being straight necessarily about how I was really feeling so I got all of it out

58:31 And then I was, and I reread it and polished up a little bit. And then I changed the subject to are you okay? Huge because actually what I said in the middle of this email was you seem really worked up about this which doesn't seem like you so rather than us arguing cause we've known each other for quite awhile Are You Okay? Cause I'd much rather Rather than have this argument, I'd much rather know that you're alright and be of support to you. And it went a really long way! It did. It did and i don't know whether it fixed it on its own or whatever but I really can see that something as basic as that brought a different outcome to that situation. If you look at the situation, you get two people who are butting heads

59:18 I just call them being butt heads myself, but they're butt heads. And what's really happening is they're both in defensive mode which means they're both in fear mode. They're afraid of not being respected and they're afraid of not being right. It's just fear. But because they are in fear mode their brains are shut off like I said earlier if they would just take a breath and go, oh are you okay? Right. You know it changes everything! It's interesting I have a theory and i don't know if i'm right or wrong but it's a theory that I like to work with that addiction is people looking for just being okay because if you watch like a drinker they'll get their drink right and they'll allow themselves to exhale. And then you get a smoker and they go

1:00:09 And back in my days of being a pizza-holic, I would eat my slice of pizza. Oh it's so good! All those things were giving the sensation of not having my fear or their fear. So they're using the substance as an excuse to not be fearful So that's a theory I'm working with right now. No, no it makes sense like if you can see a situation where someone is releasing tension then not only can you see that they were actually in tension they were there experiencing tension but then something broke and so... And if hypnosis would call that an anchor They've chosen the anchor that gives them the release Wow yeah

1:04:32 And Or ask someone who wants to come on the Team Super Dad Podcast, then let me know. I will get in touch with them invite them on and we will get them to contribute and add value to the Team Super Dad community The community if you aren't already a member is over on Facebook It's a free space for dads worn out busy dads who want more from their life That is certainly me that's the journey I'm on and I've taken you guys with me

1:05:18 I hope you've enjoyed this. Pass it on the wrap up of course, the wrap-up our weekly laugh in our end a week check in and banter is coming up and blimey! It's coming up tomorrow we'll be recording that as a Valentine special We've got a lady...we've got a lady on with us Amy her name is well she supposed to be on we're just trying to work out our schedules but It's all about fun, like at the end of the day all this growth stuff mindset working out sorting out our finances getting on top of our game it's all really important but it doesn't matter for anything if we're not having fun doing it. So wherever you are today make the most of it have some laughs have some giggles get on top of your game and really live the life you desire not the life you feel stuck in I'll see you next time Team Super Dad Out Bye

1:06:12 This has been Team Super Dad. Find us at teamsuperdad.com Join the program and create the best life ever for you and your children! You are not alone, you're on Team Super Dad