Love Style and Connection with Jo Baldwin Trott

00:00 In this episode of the Team Superdad podcast, I talk style dating confidence and the colors you really shouldn't wear with Jo Baldwin Trott. Roll theme! Welcome to team super dad real dads creating their best lives ever more time more money more fun You are not alone your on Team Super Dad Hey, welcome. It is Jonnie here the founder and creator of Team Superdad and this is our podcast a podcast for dads creating their best life ever Dad's who want to live the life of their dreams not the life they feel stuck with

00:41 And so you are joining us on the podcast. Did you know we are fast approaching episode number 50, which is a quite good milestone? A good effort basically! They say apparently that the average podcast lasts about 18 episodes I've gone past that. I just had to dive in you know and whatever is the up to ever ideas your looking to follow as we head towards the end of 2020 then they key message unless and if that if you don't start now then when will you stop.

01:29 Develop the early skills and you're never going to develop the advanced skills with this podcast. And if you listen for the first time, great to have you here! Remember to subscribe so that you don't miss an episode We have these kind of conversation episodes on Friday we have a wrap up and occasionally there's other times where I drop in with some coaching or other specialist things but if you have been listening for awhile then please make sure you leave us a review over on iTunes well Apple Podcasts as it is now known And share, share share away. Let's bring as many people onto the podcast as you can really it's a really important that the community part of Team Superdad is felt by us all Last night we had The Dad Call which is our bi-weekly men's group It literally is a drop in You can bring a problem, bring a question, bring a challenge Some weeks its alot fun like quite silly

02:23 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Jonnie Jensen, With questions dads that are having challenging situations at the moment and that is probably sign of the times where most countries around the world there's some level of lockdown. We're heading towards Christmas, it can be quite a tense time you know? Dads that are separated then concerns about seeing their kids and juggling Christmas money for presents and things which of course money for presents is a challenge for parents who are still together but But everybody wants their relationship to work out. So, you know the challenges and that's what we're here for that is exactly what we're here for and That is why we do the podcast! And today's podcast I'm talking to Jo Baldwin Trott Definitely talking about some area of challenges We have there sometimes you see a dad don't you? You see a bloke and they just look awesome They're dressed well They look sharp it does stand out doesn't it? It certainly does for me

03:28 I guess sometimes, it's not even about what they're wearing. Sometimes you can see someone in like some kind of sportswear tracksuit type stuff but the trainers go well with the trousers the top it all matches they look flipping awesome! There have been times in my life when when I think I was pretty fashionable...I think some friends probably would disagree with me. Days clubbing I, in particular had a purple shirt like it was like quite silky purple shirt. It was great for some glamour clubbing not great for wearing to Grimsby Pier as as I experienced...I think I nearly got chucked off the edge!

04:14 A tricky evening, there were definitely some highs and lows on that evening. Uh a pair of tartan punk trousers I used to wear clubbing as well they were hot and i don't mean hot looking...I mean they..i think they were hot looking but bloody hell they were hot to wear as well! So there's been moments of fashion and style in my life But it's not that easy as a dad, you know. Your money kind of goes on kids' clothes and then you've got the confidence to go into shops rarely and then if you're a single dad then probably just shopping on your own which I don't know if thinking back to my relationship maybe sometimes shopping in your own is more enjoyable

04:56 I'll let you decide that one. But getting it right, getting your fashion right your style right whether you're still in your relationship or whether you're out dating You really want to make an impression with the person that you are trying To have fall in love with you or just stay in love with you and Jo through her work as a personal brand and connectivity specialist she really is I don't know, she just brings a whole new light to the idea of what colours you're wearing and your confidence around the things that you choose. And not surprisingly actually The kind of emotional side, the one that's like the counselling side of her work. That she is out doing a styling day with clients working on their personal brand and stuff comes out! Stuff gets dealt with so an absolutely amazing woman who is also our publisher as well So she's really pulling up trees at the moment And absolutely great to have her in the Team Superdad network As we realised today We're definitely going get her involved On some personal branding

06:00 Clothing confidence, what to wear on dates both dates with your wife or dates with someone you're trying to fall in love with. So I hope you enjoy it there is a something a little bit weird going on my sound in a couple of parts but it doesn't ruin it It's just weird like when I kind of when I laugh when she's talking or when I come in after she's been speaking there seems to be a bit of weird stuff going on so...I'll have to work out what that is but rest assured I will get it sorted to maintain the quality of The Team Superdad Podcast If you've got any feedback, guests you want to hear on the show or ideas to make the podcast better then please do so. Please drop by in The Team Superdad community on Facebook or visit teamsuperdad.com and you can whatever sign up join the community get our email subscribe to the podcast just basically get involved. The best way to transform your health wealth and happiness

06:54 is to get involved with the Team Superdad community and everything that we're up to like right up to your neck. Get it all! Okay, without further ado let's get on with todays conversation with Jo Baldwin Trott I'll see you on the other side Hey, welcome to Superdad Live. We are live on all of our socials and if you're listening on the phone, great to have you here. Jo is with us today's live is all about love during lockdown connections and Jo is a personal brand specialist so I put it in the description just about like we got relationships going on, we've got people dating and one of the hardest things

07:42 Two hardest things, clearly. Communication but also showing up and looking our best being our best confidence that comes from looking fabulous and so I think we've got a lot of dads who are going to be on this live stream today whether they're on LinkedIn... not Linkedin! LinkedIn is the only one we haven't got show but certainly across Instagram and all the other socials YouTube Facebook My podcast if you're listening to the recording of this. So if you enjoy what we are doing today please share it, say hello give us a comment were on stream yard so will see your comments coming in and will gladly involve you in the conversation if you got specific questions that you want to ask us

08:21 But Jo, you and I were chit-chatting and you shared an awesome event that you're going to be part of this weekend which led us to have a conversation. Well let's talk about this on the live today so first we'll introduce yourself and then then we'll talk about what the event is this weekend. Oh thanks Jonnie great to be here um and welcome everyone lovely to kind of uh be connected with the team SuperDad Yeah, so it's an event that is really needed actually because so many people are in lockdown and we're going to be in and out of lockdown in some way or another for a little while yet especially here in the UK. And there's a lot of confusion and sort of frustration I think with dating and relationships and you know we're all getting zoomed out, we're all kind of constantly on these screens

09:09 So, you know... which is great when you've got the filter on. But it's a bit of a tough time I think and if you're like me, more in-person person, in people person, in person to person, you like the physical connection It's tougher than ever I think and there's really a need for talking about what relationships are And actually its kind of good time to do a little work on yourself And then by the time we can all just be dating normally and you know, all that kind of fun stuff physically. We'll be kind of a bit more sorted is my theory so on Saturday this coming Saturday Relationship Intimacy Coach Cara Marshall The founder of Ignite Dating Michelle Begge she's got a European dating matchmaking service incredible

10:03 Me talking about personal brand image and how you show up. And then we've got some wine tasting all the way from Italy, going to take you around Italy in the afternoon while the rugby's on so not quite sure how that's gonna be a two screen job I think! But what about your love of French wines Jo? How are we going to address this on Saturday? Are you going to expand your horizons? There's going to be another one. So we're gonna start with Italy, French next and then probably Spanish wine as well you know can't beat a good Rioja. I like the style okay so this is basically uh a prolonged opportunity to drink... Just drink wine yeah really

10:45 That's going to be a lot of fun as well. So showing up, like when people are talking about how they look and how they feel quite often how we feel inside is a representation of what we think we look like on the outside so if we're not confident about how we looking then we're probably gonna shrink away quite a bit whereas if we feel like we're looking great we're gonna possibly be a little bit more confident How can someone get in tune with that? Like, am I confident or not confident. Is it to do with how i look like what's the problem here Yeah, it's... God we go to our wardrobe and we put clothes on. And we just think I'm just putting my clothes on but you're not that's the trouble because your wardrobe is full of things that you have chosen and there are a variety of reasons why you've chosen them You know good times bad times struggling for money times wealthy times whatever So actually what we do is we go through this incredibly complex process and think in that moment in time

11:43 Well, okay. How am I going to show up today? You don't really ask yourself that but sadly the thing that most people really worry about is what are people gonna think of me and as much as yes we want to be... it's important to really considerate especially with business but obviously dating too of what impression you're bringing but actually is very much about you and showing the true you Sadly, there's so much of what I call blending in syndrome. And people really think they've got to dress a certain way where certain colors women it's black guys it's white or gray or navy you know? It's like the average guy has a wardrobe full of navy white and grey and black the average woman has a wardrobe full of mostly black

12:31 You know, a little bit of grey maybe. The odd colour... But sadly we become conformists as we create our own uniform as we get older which is interesting because you can't stand it when were kid at school And obviously when it comes to dating and any kind of connection online especially, it all still matters. If I was sat here in a cream top for example you know that I wouldn't stand out as much on the screen. I'd also blend in with my sofa! You know and it all matters and it matters anyway if you're going out one day having a date at the pub

13:07 But it really matters online, I think because most of our memory is imagery. It's not words it's what we see so why not make a really good first impression? And yeah...I have a screenshot and I've done them and I've done the screen shot of like eight guys on Tinder and I should have shared it with you first because it would have been great but I'll share after! The people that you know have never gone online or for people that are in relationships Just seeing what, how guys and I know it's women too but obviously personally me looking at the guys. It's how you really show up it's like wow did she either you didn't think or you think I don't give a sh... Or you think well take me as I am

13:56 But what we really should be doing is firstly thinking, right? What's really me? What really represents me and that's uniquely. That's important to get that word in not you know the just the coach-me or the dad-me it very much should be well who am I what am i really about and then it's about well and what are they going to think of that but if you really show up as yourself and you put put the clothes on that really represent you And bring yourself, you will feel different the minute you meet someone. You behave differently. That's called enclosed cognition, we equate what we're wearing it's constantly processing in our head I'm aware of wearing this bright blue jumper It will never go away until i take it off So you know...it matters and then obviously its about how your coming across but is important to make an effort then isn't it because you know it just amazes me that there can be sort

14:58 And I think you said, you know the guy in the supermarket that was just looking at real estate. Honestly, he looked like a tramp. There's nothing wrong with wearing a tracksuit to go to the supermarket okay but it looked like the oldest tracksuit in the world or at worst an old pair of pyjamas and his wife looked great she you know I was like dude you need to step up! But that happens online dating as well and it happens dating but if you are doing online dating there is this first profile headshot which matters

15:40 And there are people who think, oh my gosh really? You know it's like you put no consideration. You look a mess! Why is any woman in their right mind and they're the guys that makes me laugh because underneath everyone was like is nobody gonna speak to me on this bloody app or something so I said NO! So you delusional So, you know it's a mixture of both. Showing up as the true you being different giving yourself permission to really show up and wear color and look like you And then also being considerate like well what message am I given? Look in the mirror and see it from the other way don't just see what you see think Well if I was a woman do you know who would I attract because we judge We can't help it It's that simple

16:29 Well people, what I know from some other different work that i've done on myself and courses i've been involved where it had mirror work part of the process. I realized from that how...and im not a vain person but imnot someone who shies away from mirrors either. Im conscious of how I look my moisturizer collection will be testimony to that for sure! And my number 7 wrinkle pen! People don't spend enough time in the mirror quite often people don't spend enough time in there or go around your house and count how many mirrors you've got if, If you only got one and it's actually quite a small crappy mirror is possibly something going on there about how comfortable you are with your own reflection.

17:17 It's really true. And what we do is we open the wardrobe and go, oh there's a good shirt! You've seen it either in a magazine or you bought it at the store and know that it's a good shirt but what does good look like on you? Does it suddenly look like a bad shirt?! You know, and I think that's something that women do more of because women naturally experiment more with clothes. They try different shapes sizes materials... I mean guys shirt collars make such a difference for a guy they really do you know there's quite lot trend was for like these very deep shirt collars but if you don't have the long enough neck it looks like you've lost your neck The

18:11 And because when it comes to dating, obviously you know you will know your feel different when you've made a real effort. You'll be then slightly aware cause it's the energy then that you're giving off will get more attractive cause you can tell if someone has not made any effort. It is important to mention here right that this is about relationships as well We just alluded to, anybody wonder what the hell that reference was for the supermarket? I put in a little trail for this live stream about some chap i'd seen in Lidl looking absolutely shocking. But then how that relates back to people in relationships because we want our partner to be attracted to us and we want to feel like our partners not taking us for granted so

19:03 Wearing new clothes, mixing up our colors being conscious of our appearance is absolutely vital inside a relationship as well. So this is for people in relationships and people dating for certain. Yeah because it's giving a message isn't it? It's giving a message that I care that you care You know, and that's the reciprocation of a relationship isn't it? You might not really give a damn. You might be Simon Cowell and just want to wear the same shirt and pair of trousers all the time but actually what you're telling your partner... Like I say it kind of does equates more for women but that's just because we've always had more choice, more opportunity We experiment with our friends Guys aren't really encouraged to do that on average

19:48 And Because actually, we love it. Us women love it when a guy really makes an effort. We can tell he makes us feel special because otherwise... It's not a sign of disrespect that would be too far going down the path but generally gives the woman a feeling of yes being considered

20:27 That I matter, because it matters to me. It suddenly matters to you and then that has real value. So yeah definitely. I think in most scenarios the woman will have put some makeup on and considered her outfit so when the bloke turns up looking like he just flipping ran out of the front door that's exactly the point you just made like how much did you really consider what I was going to feel like when you turned up? The fascinating thing about getting dressed is actually it's been, studies have been done on it and it has been found to be one of the most stressful parts of your day.

21:03 And I think, I would even say let's go further than that. For men even more so! That's on average but it can be because it is not an easy process to go through you have to stand there for a second and think right what do I look like? Obviously the first thing I'd say to anyone really is how much of your wardrobe do you really enjoy wearing? Because we hold onto stuff But with clothes we hoard and we keep things that are too small for us, so they don't serve us because when we look at them all these items tell a story.

21:42 And so when we look at them, the pair of trousers that you could wear about a year ago but now thanks to lockdown you can't. Take them out of the wardrobe because the trouble is when you see them go oh this is great ones yeah been eating too many kind of biscuits in the day or whatever. Guilt! Exactly negative negative negatives So take all those things out your wardrobe if you know you're never going to wear them again If you just realistically go do you know what? I'm just going to get rid of them, love it and let it go. Give it to charity but have a wardrobe with even if its this big Um, you know when I've had worked with clients they've ended up with a wardrobe this big. But actually they love everything in it. They mix and match because that's what happens when you know what your colors are so that's another kind of topic really but when you know what colors to wear that suit you can wear all your clothes together and mix and match them. Yeah because you take people shopping don't you? You actually well we're going to come on to color exactly how we work out in second...You take people shopping

22:43 Part of a personal brand day, you take them shopping and what do you do with it? Do you force them to wear things or... Yeah. I take my firearm knife. A blue top someone's going to say, no flipping day on this planet i'm wearing a blue top and you're gonna know that they're gonna look awesome in it It's your job to convince them, but people put a lot of trust in you I suppose. They do but that's why the showing them actually the actual clothes on them because i'll show someone their color palette and that's a whole wheel of color like about 40 colors that they will mostly never have seen before so i'll show someone that men or women same principle same process

23:29 And they will look at that and think, well okay but you know yeah looks nice here. So it really helps to then take them shopping obviously online shopping at the moment I do a lot of online work one of my clients he just ordered all online arrived the next day happy as Larry just really super thrilled They're not holding much stock anymore are they? No, but I kind of know how to work. I know how to online shop. I know how to weed all my way in. Yeah there's ways you can and obviously the downside of online shopping is that the colours aren't the same or...

24:06 But, you know when you're used to doing it with like I am. You can sort of... you know what the brands how the brands work different brands work but it is really important to show someone especially guys because you tend to be a little bit less... less um uh what can say eager to change And try something different. Not always, but it really helps to show you in that get once I've got you in the right colors in a different kind of shirt You'll see what I'm saying so you'll see about the collars. You'll see about their hemline and fit of a shirt. There's never just a shirt It's not just

24:44 And actually the repercussions of it are quite incredible because suddenly you're seeing yourself, and this is what it's all about. You're seeing yourself as a different person. You're recognizing that actually because of my coloring which I always used to feel like I was pale or... It doesn't matter if you put on weight none of it matters cause when you wear the right clothes that really work for you, you'll just look amazing! The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Jo Baldwin Trott

25:25 If I had a pound for every pearl blue shirt in the UK, honestly, I'd be a multi-millionaire. But why be the norm when you're not? Why dress the same as everyone else when you're not the same as everyone else? You're special! So...I just give people and men permission to be more adventurous and it's wonderful taking them shopping They always say afterwards Oh my god, I can't believe how much I enjoyed that. I thought I was gonna hate it It's confusing though, isn't it? Because the trouble is the shops even online. You know if you go into an average store most men like department stores because they're big and you can get this job done in one fell swoop

26:17 Women are coming around to this mode of thinking as well, by the way. Which makes me laugh! But it's confusing because there are so many different varieties There're so many brands and sizes So actually it is lovely just really guide someone For me its like quick, so quick It's in, job done, straight to it And I think that a lot why men stick to the same Because they know these trousers will fit I know the shirt will work for me. Um, and it makes total sense. I can see... Actually speaking for myself in particular you get so used to not going shopping all the time you go shopping your buying stuff for your kids and thinking about how much money have I really got to buy myself? And then you're thinking I'm not bloody going anywhere anyway! But then you realize you haven't bought anything new a year or something and you're thinking well how long is that gonna go with? How does that

27:14 It's so become something that is so out of practice at like putting together little different bits of mixing Meccano and Lego and a jigsaw. You're like, none of this goes together. How am I? Where do I possibly start? So I think it does become a bit of a confidence thing, not an out-of-practice thing. I've got loads questions in fact. So where does someone start with their colors? Just look in the mirror And be honest with yourself as to what looks right on you. So a very quick kind of hack, if you like, defining what color works for you... If you look in a... so face the natural light, not in the lovely warm lit bedroom we've got or whatever but face a window on an on a kind of not sunshine either but just average-y light

28:02 Hold a white sheet of paper next to you. I don't have one at hand, up to your chin. Right? All right and look at what the colour does to you So if I had a piece of bright white paper now and held it up to me, it would drain me because I'm not actually the right colour or skin to really get away with wearing brilliant white. And that's what the colour is called but you have to be brutally honest with you and do it with your pale blue shirts as well! Because here's the thing so that's a hack but most white skin in the UK doesn't suit white or pale blue or charcoal grey

28:41 Because the skin tone in the UK has still an element of Mediterranean colouring within it and is warm, or what's called warm which is a yellow based skin tone. So when you have a yellow based skin tone which is the average white skin in the UK you won't ever look that great in white But you will look great. Sorry, Jonnie! But do you have the average skin tone? I'll come on to that in a minute...I've told you this before anyway but the average skin tone sorry what you will look better in is soft white or cream or teal or so many millions of colors

29:22 But it just takes that moment of real honesty and actually you've got to hold the colour under your chin and say, what does this colour really do to me? Because that is the only way you can be really honest with yourself. And if the white does look a bit greying or draining... Or you look like you've been ill! Then you'll probably have a warm skin tone and you will suit warm navy, bright navy not dark navy. Cream... Probably like a rusty red instead. You know not that many guys wear red unfortunately but there's so many other colors you can wear and the warm palette will always suit you better

30:07 Um, cause you know our skin is just a color. But yeah it's the average white woman in the UK doesn't look good in black which is why they end up wearing more makeup because it doesn't actually suit the average white skin type. Which most men don't like either I like wearing red I just don't wear red on a day that Tottenham are playing which is absolutely ridiculous I never wear a robe on a Tottenham day, apart from that robe game. So it's hysterical so i can promise you virtually every single male client I've had their reference point is football or rugby right all my life so one of my clients was the speaker he was an ex-BBC presenter and he only wore the colours of his football team

30:50 And then when I had to tell him that they didn't suit him, but more importantly, I showed him they didn't suit him. He was a bit devastated but he's gotten over it now! The guy that does the Match of the Day 2 sometimes and the NFL show... Awful. Hope he's not listening, I mean, I hope he is listening because he can come and work with you! Well on Match Day 2 on Sunday night it was sat there in a grey kind of Marley shirt and he had it untucked, I guess cause its casual y'know? But it looked like he just rushed onto the set and slid into his chair and just got on with

31:30 He's not in good shape as well, so he kind of slouches a little bit. I mean, I like him though. He's got...I love his chat and his warmth and is easy you know it's just easy to listen or watch but looks awful! And the trouble is on a professional front but I suppose the dating fron too You're distracted by that then because part of your mind and your concentration Is focusing on the fact that he looks properly rubbish in what he's wearing and you're processing that So you are not actually looking at him But yeah, I mean Adrian Charles is another one. So i've got a friend who knows him so he's putting in a word for me because he wears the classic pale blue shirts all the time and he's an absolute autumn. He has warm skin tone, he looks properly terrible and he's got really bad bright yellow backdrop in his office. That's another thing at the moment that the backdrop behind you really impacts how you look

32:23 I'm going to look up this guy on the BBC's Facebook page. Grey is another colour and if you've gone grey in your hair, why wear grey? Because what we do when we see you then is try and bring the colours together We're always trying to bring colours together The amount of people that wear grey that have gone grey it's definitely a connection But actually it's the very worst color to wear. Sorry, but it is. Well, I guess it's well, we're going to disagree with you because because you're the lady that knows this stuff forever but people can accessorize and things and things not like it's got to go out of the window like a gray suit will be about wearing a good kind of shirt in a good colored tie right? How much of the color is the suit And how much is the tie

33:18 Okay, yeah. Like 95 high. So that's the thing and actually people don't wear ties anymore in a way ties were great because if you... so for example Adrian Childs let's use him so if he was wearing a horrid... If he was wearing grey suit of any kind he should never wear grey but he had a burnt orange tie on He would look okay because the burnt orange is one of his zing colors, so everyone has key zing colors that really rock them. Six or seven colors that lift their coloring eye and hair color

33:56 So, burnt oranges is one of his. There you go Adrian free tip for you but people don't wear ties guys don't wear ties anymore so he just the guys just where this jacket and that actually if you're better off either wearing a tie or just finding out what the colors rock you because it's just looks aging as well Blue, navy is the best neutral for everyone. You know very few people actually look good in grey sorry. No I've got a blue suit actually my wedding suit was great but okay Mark Chapman that's who it is oh yeah yeah and Chappers isn't it? Yeah

34:41 Do you know something about football? I love him. He looked bad on Sunday Yeah, but you know it so my consulting brain would think well okay either he's not with someone or it's not with someone who is being honest with him or really doesn't give a... Well he's going to work and actually maybe taking his own stress and unhappiness and sliding into work like that wow! So there's a lot of emotional It's almost like counselling stuff that goes on with unpicking this challenge here. There is actually, because you know I've had celebrities burst into tears and spill out their woes of their childhood

35:21 Bullying, it's been a powerful process because like you said right at the beginning of the chat it's not just about what you're wearing. In fact there is nothing about how you look, its how you feel about you because every decision that you make and what you wear is reflective of how you feel about yourself and for women classic is why so many women wear black? They wear black to hide their bodies, to make themselves looks slimmer What a terrible negative mindset to have and I'm not judging it, i'm just saying you know there's reasons why we hide in our clothes and sadly that's what they can be used for.

36:04 But yeah, it's a powerful process. My best testimonial was from a couple and so the wife bought services with me for her husband I did his image in color and then he bought a voucher with me for his wife And then they sent this amazing anniversary picture and they said The best anniversary ever! We're happier we're more together we're more confident Thank you so much It still gets me emotional now So yeah, it's powerful stuff. I can't believe we haven't spoken about this before because inside the Hero Academy i've got modules around sleep and the bedroom and buying a proper bed and then about money and managing money and how you communicate with your partner about communicating money

36:52 Things great things fitness focus finance family and fun all modules around those things. And I haven't considered it at all before so like a couple trying to rekindle things, trying to just fall back in love this is actually apart of it they're lost in themselves let alone lost in their relationship and part that can simply come from What they get up and put on, and how they feel throughout the day each and every day. Yeah, because sadly we go...we carry on the process of just living being a parent being a partner and we actually give ourselves very little time to just validate who we are in our own special way. And that might be a bit of extra weight around the waist or not quite this the biceps you used have whatever but it doesn't matter because the person you're with wants to be with you but we don't validate

37:49 Yeah, but sadly we forget to validate and I think what this does is from the outset it looks like we're just looking at how you look and the clothes you wear. But actually it's not as much to do with well let's give you a reboot lets give your whole kind of different way of feeling about yourself And then it's about how you look, but you can really give yourself a whole boost of confidence. Obviously once you feel... because we're not unaware are we? When we're wearing the same old t-shirt and jeans all the time, we're aware of that and that message that you give your partner is

38:26 You know, you're not unaware of that. So by changing that and giving it a real kind of boost and zesty feel actually this is me I'm different, I am more special. It's powerful and obviously especially for work No, I really well. I'm really just tuning into see thoughts that go around my mind men talking about their wives like what mental about himself fed up and worn out? I'm not appreciated on Fed Up and Worn Out. Not appreciate it. What's the point then they moan at their wife like your bum looks big in that or why do you know like if they there's a lot they want to say but it kind of comes out wrong in some sort off-the-cuff one line that hurts probably more than actually telling them the whole thing like sharing

39:10 Openly and honestly with each other. So then something perhaps a bit sharp comes out like, you know it's been a long time since I've had that thing to worry about but your bum looks big in this like does my bum look big in this? And they say yeah or no or...and actually there is bigger things going on there probably their whole wardrobe is out of date and not serving them um..and then We've been taking lumps out of each other because, because of it. Yeah, but it all starts from self-value doesn't it sadly? But yeah I think that's probably really prevalent at the moment those kind of conversations because you know everyone is around each other way too much in a way. You know and so there are probably lot of people feeling like that and also sometimes you just have to upset the norm and it might be arranging a date night and you might not feel like doing it but actually switching the TV off

40:11 You know, and I really... part of this is definitely about changing behavior. And actually saying right okay what do we need to do differently? And I think doing that thinking right well let's make a point of having a night together and turning the TV off play cards! I don't know anything just spending time together that it's different. And then when you can go out is like The amount of people I've worked with that are in couples And I do, part of my work is to do with counselling and coaching really. But how often do you spend regularly with your partner? When was your last date night? About three months ago So you're never spending time as a couple You just spend time as mum and dad bill payer cleaner washer-upper cook but you've got to spend time as a couple and sadly i think people are

41:04 And get out of the habit completely understandably, but you've got to make a habit. To enjoy it and appreciate each other. Yeah yeah Imagine we're going on a date right let's go that we are that couple or we are going on a date with someone new right so we go shopping I feel like the worst thing i could possibly do is buy something wild and outrageous because Because then I might be sat there thinking, oh god i've really gone out on a limb here now. I'm wearing something wild and outrageous but actually is the opposite of that? That's what you should do. You should go and make a statement like... But it feels risky. It feels like I might buy the wrong thing

41:50 Ah, so you're worried about the impact of it. The person looking at you is going to judge you wrongly but my question would come to why... So you buying something wild and outrageous to wear? Is that you? Does that feel authentic to you? Yeah I'm kind of asking a question that's not really me really because i've got pink shirts and kind design, but then quite often I end up like it or lump it. I ended up wearing a t-shirt and and uh...I probably dress a bit like I'm a bit too much like a 21 year old still sometimes but But I'm thinking that for others, like I'm asking the question that could be for me but it could be general as well

42:28 quite loud pink shirt or something you think, right I want to wow this person. Is that a risk worth taking? Because Jonathan just posted a question here right he said Which we can cover as well. He says something about going to the mall just fills me with a dread, let alone shopping for clothes right? So whether you're going on a date or your going on a date night with your partner and then you head off to the mall, we headed out of Bluewater there's 25 shops there which way to start so you go into one and you like right I'm gonna Joe said to get a big color Joe said go big And then you feel like you're sat looking at Jimmy Mallet on the day

43:11 Is there a, what's the trick somewhere in the middle? Somewhere where someone could step outside their comfort zone without completely overshooting the mark. How... because someone is not going to have you by their side right now how could someone judge that thing Well, obviously they could have me by their side because you know obviously I think 50% of my clients are men now which is great. But yeah, I suppose the answer is a happy medium but it's stepping out of the comfort zone and leaving that Simon Cowell outfit behind. The only person you should show up on a date as is you. If if you're adventurous and, you know, aware that you've created your own uniform then it doesn't represent the old you or it may represent the old you because most of us go through quite a transition becoming parents becoming divorced um you know and so actually maybe you've got stuff in your wardrobe that's the old you? It's like what the conformist or whatever that is

44:16 But why not be more adventurous? Why not be more daring? Personally, from my own very personal point of view if a guy makes the real effort to dress up and wear something different I then think, this guy's different. Because actually most of us that are doing online dating or dating anyway it is very easy to have a couple of different drinks you know different nights and so why be the average? It is so important that you do the opposite and if you're trying to communicate that in what you wear and your saying well actually I've got funky shirt on but I love it

44:56 It's always how you feel in it. So, you might feel a bit uncomfortable because it is different but if you feel good and like you are really showing up as you then of course you should wear it! You really shouldn't wear the pale blue shirt! So it's like, it's basically owning. Owning yourself. Yeah I mean you know it is about stepping stones isn't it and moving forward and saying well actually you know but the interesting thing of when I have clients go shopping with them I will get them to try on something that's out there and same for men and women I will get the very thing that actually takes pushes them out their comfort zone with a big shop

45:39 But actually, when it's the right shape, right color, right fit they'll look at themselves and they'll go oh my god I actually look really good. So like a wild jumper for example or a crazy patterned shirt if it's the right colors and it's the right style fitting collar It will never look terrible because it's going to be right for you And what it does, it allows you to see yourself as slightly different. And then the person generally gets the one that's in the middle and doesn't get the crazy wild shirt but next time they do!

46:16 Because actually we should have more fun with clothes. We take it way too seriously, you know? We really really do! You...we should have more fun, we should create our own outfits, you know? We're all unique and like I keep saying, we don't show up as unique, we show up as aboriginal. Yeah and going back to Jonathan's comment can i just say Jonathan you're not alone there are so many women that hate shopping so just to get that one out there So many women hate shopping as much as men now. But what I'd say is go, just like anything in a coachy world you would say this Jonnie, have a focus on what are you really looking for? Are you looking for a shirt? Okay and then maybe do a bit of research online because certain brands will not do something that's different they will stick to the same so go to different brands and think right i'm gonna try on two shirts in three shops

47:10 Be really focused of what you're going to do and you might not come away with something but be focused, go straight to that shop, straight to that shop, straight to that shop. And then if it doesn't work, you're fine cut down your expectation and then think right okay well that was interesting I'll try that again or ring joke! Yeah because i mean it is about taking risks, it's about stepping out and probably if you're shopping in In high street shops, it's going to be fashionable. It's unlikely that they're gonna have stuff in there that is absolutely disgusting. No they do! Okay, I'm glad...

47:53 I'm going to find a picture of me, right? Ryan, he does it. He's got a weekend event called Super Genius, right? So he tells this story about his gold jacket and he brings the gold jacket on in the final picture and he talks about how with his girlfriend, I think is his wife now, they were in like Dolce & Gabbana. I think pretty much it was Dolce & Gabbana so he saw this gold jacket Can't wait to see it. No, you're going to crack up! My kids laughed their arses off when I showed them this. Right? Oh my gosh what on earth?! This would be a wild...

48:47 Okay, wait. Let me see if I can go full screen there we go right so Jo that is a wild... no i didn't own that jacket either right but uh but so Ryan tells the story about when he bought this jacket and um and as crazy as it is he says when he wears It's like he's a celebrity. He is as wild as it is and ridiculous that photo looks, he says nothing happens. He has been ushered to the front of lines at nightclubs and stuff. I love it! So not good for me right? That tells its own story about the impact on one thing you buy something slightly different but that is very different

49:34 But, you know why not stand out? Why not just be expressive and have fun with it. And good for him! I think you know it's crazy but what a talking point and also I personally think there is something very sexy about seeing a guy that is prepared to push the boundaries with what's traditionally masculine Because that could be seen as quite a feminine jacket. Yeah, you know that's the sort of thing a woman would wear right? But actually I think most women respond to that and go wow cool he is happy with himself! He is like rounded it's like... The guys wearing the traditional are going to come across as that. It's like are you really that kind of type of guy?

50:24 We make judgments on what someone's wearing and if you're dressing like a 21 year old. Then obviously you're not quite 21 Jonnie I don't think are you? So there's a disparity and, your dates will be thinking that. It's like what this guy is great but why is he dressing up in the 20s? I mean it depends obviously because there's realms of getting the right mix and but that's what it's about. Being relaxed and pleasant and comfortable enjoying yourself but also making a statement that you're someone worth being with Yeah, well and also because if you're thinking I dress like a 21 year old there's something about it that you aren't feeling comfortable in. If you didn't think that then you should carry on dressing exactly like you do but the fact that you're feeling like maybe want to change how you look then is coming into your energy and that uncertainty is coming into your energy Do you see what I mean? And that's what people pick up on. I think it's really about being so focused on my kids for so long

51:28 And buying them clothes, money gets spent on their stuff or school shoes or whatever it is. Then you're thinking well what do I buy next? Like i could probably need to buy everything let alone one thing. Here's a good question actually if someone's keeping their wardrobe up-to-date and money is a bit of factor I'm pretty sure i can't answer my own question here but is it sensible to just consciously buy one new thing every month so you're always like part of your budget is, I'm spending whatever £25 a month on buying at least one new item of clothing each month. So my wardrobe gets a little bit updated all the time?

52:10 So here's the thing, I kind of...I actually slightly fall out with that whole principle of updating your wardrobe. Right But i think what you're saying is actually do we..is it a good process to go through? To think right I'll just and the answer is yeah because because actually if you've got clothes and Never. I've only had one client that has completely, literally taken out the wardrobe and then replaced it with a new one. Honestly literally not quite the actual wardrobe but all the clothes came out they all went to the charity shop and onto eBay and everything else and we literally bought whole new wardrobe shopping and that went in

52:50 But by and large, actually just by changing or buying something you love to wear. And it's simple right now if you are a bit aware of money just buy a different shirt really simple But again, take it to the light. Put it under your chin. Does the colour really work for you? Does the fit really work for you? And just buy that one thing because that one thing will change the way you look at your wardrobe unless you've been really buying kind of out-of-, mega out-of date trousers then your trousers are probably fine Because obviously, especially right now it's like you know I could be in a bright pink tutu. You wouldn't know would you because all you're seeing is this! So it's actually just about changing one thing but being a bit adventurous will help you get around that corner of dressing the same and once you go round that corner you'll find it easier to then buy something else that's different. I think fashion is going through a whole fascinating

53:50 I'm You know, he went I think you were outside of a tailors and you were like this guy makes amazing suits. And what's more it's going to be fitted and what's more your supporting local business? What's more with an awesome fitted suit it will always look fabulous on you. Yeah because actually if you're the kind that needs a suit for work

54:41 Invest that little bit more, and sometimes it is only a little bit more. It depends what you want to do but investing in one that really fits you, that is your right colour It's the best start and will make such a difference to the rest of your wardrobe. You know, sadly guys buy the wedding suit or buy a suit that just it's fairly good make and looks okay but unless it really fits very well and the color really serves you, you'll buy everything to match that doesn't serve you as well so that first investment wasn't so great

55:17 ends up being an investment this big of all these things that aren't that great. But also at some point you'll notice, you'll put it on and be at work or out on a meeting and catch yourself in the mirror going yeah this suit doesn't fit that well. That's it! That's the thought Jo, that is the real honest thought is oh dear I look a bit shit That's on your way. Everyone must avoid that thought, yeah. Yeah it really is what I mean obviously do know tailors but there are here's the thing that with brands you can actually pick the suit that works better for your brand and what fits better for your body shape so brands create different sizes styles and shapes

56:05 But you know, if worst case scenario I say go into John Lewis that you know they have a brilliant... They have several sections of tailors and experts in body shape, tailoring and their products. So but you know if that's something that needs doing then just spend that little bit extra time don't just grow up going again oh I know I'm 36 in M&S which is what a lot men do Here's a couple of quick questions. Shirt in or out? Tucked in or tucked out? Depends. Okay, depends. Trainers or shoes? It depends. There's no rules there, honestly I promise you i'm not a rules person. Wear black with blue wear green with blue you know where pink and orange there are no rules there really aren't any rules but it just depends on how you're wearing what you're wearing but I mean I really like these kind of smart trainers with trousers

57:03 You know, and actually... Yeah all the matches they do on Sky Sports a lot of the presenters are you'll see them wearing pretty like dress trainers basically aren't they? Like yeah well hey comfort's king. Comfort is King I haven't worn a pair of heels for about four years! Oh my gosh that just leans into a whole subject for me but women put yourself through horrific pain For us. All for myself, not interested but you know comfort's king and actually there are more kind of core shoes but yeah that you know brown shoes are so much better than black why do so many people so many men just wear black suits? Dark brown shoes look so much better with suits than black um you know and it it's all these rules that and you mentioned something ages ago

57:58 We sadly take all these rules and these little anecdotes we've been told along the way, we take them through our lives with us. And then it takes someone like me to say well hold on whose voice is that? Whose voice is telling you that you can't wear blue and black or you mustn't ever wear brown shoes? Someone else has told you that! Actually there are no rules... The only rule is to have fun with it and stop taking it so seriously So kind of wrapping this whole subject up now, we started off talking about lockdown and love and connections. And that's what I love about doing the podcast and doing these live streams and specifically not calling them interviews because

58:41 I love the fact that it's conversation right because then there is complete scope for the conversation to wander and i think we're of more value to our team superdad audience than everybody else but when that happens, we've wandered into so much about relationships and people lifting themselves up by better choices around what they wear. And that right now is a vital thing, isn't it? People wanting to feel happier more connected take away some stress and bring some smiles and lightness into our lives. And what could be easier than actually something we do every day which is put our clothes on. Yeah! And start with just taking just having a little having a sort out going through wardrobe I'm just saying why have I still got this stuff

59:28 You know, if you really go down the whole researching what stuff does to us it actually generally brings us down and we don't need very much stuff. We've learned in the last nine months that we need so few clothes really and actually my wardrobe's only ever been that big! My wardrobe is not that big but everything goes with each other but we don't need as much as we have It's so impactful to actually go through, open your wardrobe doors and go, you know what? I'm going to get rid of a couple things today that I know don't serve me. Get rid of them especially the ones that have negative attachment. Every little item you have in your wardrobe has a story it's like a little narration that jumps up

1:00:15 But the ones that are the weight issues especially, you know that's a really powerful one. That will be constantly nagging you every time you open your wardrobe. The ones that oh well...that was my ex's favorite shirt! If that doesn't give you a smile to your face, and I'm guessing it probably doesn't. Get rid of it! Why do you want your ex's favourite shirt in the wardrobe still? Just stuff like that maybe or... You know um..I think also for women its huge because obviously there is this whole post baby pre-baby post babies

1:00:51 Shape and size and weight. But for guys too, you know, actually give yourself permission to be do something different. You can always send it back. I'm lucky, I guess. Well not lucky, I work out quite a lot but i'm the same I'm the same size as I've been since I was left school, since I was like 18. Well probably thinner at uni but... Well there's no luck involved though is there? It takes a lot of hard work to you know it's um everyone has to work hard at staying fit especially as we get older for sure but actually if you're trying to lose weight It's actually a really powerful thing to do as well because what you'll be doing is saying, Well actually I'm only going to wear clothes that feel really good in. I've had some clients are really massively overweight and intending to lose the weight so they're doing something about it

1:01:41 And then I've helped them to get rid of their stuff in the wardrobe. And obviously, I do this online too at the moment and actually just by that very act has given them permission to validate who they are now. So you know it's all about validation and value isn't it? That's a brand new chapter yeah. Yeah Well, how can people... This has been brilliant Jo. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and smile with us all on the podcast that's gone out of the way. You've got no vein in me nothing but Jo does look great in her blue jumper today! How can people come and find you or work with both men and women? Yeah, just my website jobaldwinstrott.com Really simple. All my social media I'm on Instagram Twitter Facebook

1:02:27 All jobaldwintrott.com. I've got this event on Saturday which is going to be amazing, it's going to be a real kind of fun afternoon and an opportunity to hear from some experts who really dig into this self-valuing You know, what are you? Karen is very much a law of attraction expert as well. So she really talks about what you attracting in or what are you doing wrong but nothing's wrong. What work do you need to do on yourself And some great, great experts to help you with the next stages of any relationship. Because it's three of you and the wine tasting is the kind of thing people can put on the TV literally put it on your smart TV because... and tickets they get tickets at Eventbrite do they? So Eventbrite I've sent a link to you but I can resend again but yeah It's just £29.95 so there's wine tasting as well

1:03:23 And yeah, it's going to be a real packed full kind of afternoon of fun. It'll be nice and laid back and quite engaging as well I like to be quite interactive when i do events especially online because you know we're all just So if anyone's up for bringing along their wardrobe then I'll give someone a free kind of mini consultation online. Jonnie? That's another body language!

1:04:00 I know my watch IP is updating. So people can go and find, oh it's on the post, it's on my post anyway I'm going to put in the comments now. Yeah so if you go to eventbrite and put my name in it will come up yeah If you're watching, and you are watching on the live now. The URL for the event is in the comments below so do you can go and grab that podcast catch it in the show notes. It might even have gone past... Oh will there be a replay? Can people watch to replay probably afterwards maybe don't know I don't think we're gonna have a replay because really want people to be there because they want to be interactive totally yeah yeah it's not going last one though is it

1:04:51 Italy, Spain. Well I have to go around Europe obviously because you'd have to check all these wines really because nobody's going anywhere. You're gonna need some milk. Yeah no hopefully we'll see cause the rugby is on so that's a bit of kind of a downer obviously it's gonna be people trying to watch the rugby and hopefully coming to our event! So maybe more women than men but anyway we'll see. We'll find out ways of doing it both Joe, this has been awesome. Thanks so much for coming on. We did it last minute because I saw your event and wanted to do some stuff around love and connection for the Team Superdad crew so this has been perfect. Hope it's of help for you guys for this weekend as well. Pleasure to be here! Really good fun and yeah just uh...be great to see you on Saturday. You too Jonnie

1:05:42 Hey, that was absolutely epic. Well not epic maybe I've over exaggerated there but it was so enjoyable just to... actually do you know what the truth is? Here's the truth! It was bloody uncomfortable in parts because Jo was talking about wearing white and what to wear on a date and i'm thinking oh my gosh i'm sat here wearing white What have I worn on dates?! So actually truth be known that was pretty uncomfortable in parts but But as always, I try to be as honest and open as possible to get the best out of these conversations. So wherever you're at right relationships are vital. Dating is pretty tricky if you let it be. I can't say I'm an expert on it but I'm working on it making sure that I'm going out and enjoying time with women not that I want to end up in bed with them all or

1:06:35 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Jonnie Rebuild your confidence in that relationship. Go out on dates and have an absolute laugh with your wife, your partner go and do things that you haven't done in a while really challenge yourself to transform either your dating experience or to transform your relationship And I guess given the context of today it starts with wearing some decent clothes and don't be that dude in the Tesco's... In The Lidl rather with his scratty tracksuit on He really did look awful

1:07:18 Thanks for listening, make sure you subscribe. Leave us a review over at Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts from and I look forward to seeing you on the next Team Superdad podcast! Team Superdad out bye! This has been Team Superdad find us at teamsuperdad.com