Love Style and Connection with Jo Baldwin Trott

00:00 In this episode of the Team Superdad podcast, I talk style, dating confidence, and the colors you really shouldn't wear with Joe Baldwin Trot, Role Theme. Welcome to Team Super Dad. Real dads creating their best lives ever. More time, more money, more fun. You are not alone. You're on Team Super Dad. Hey, welcome. It is Johnny here, the founder and creator of Team Superdad. And this is our podcast, a podcast for dads creating their best life ever. Dads who want to live the life of their dreams, not the life they feel stuck with.

00:41 And so you are joining us on the podcast. Did you know we are fast approaching episode number 50, which is quite a good milestone, a good, good, good effort, basically? They say, apparently, that the average podcast lasts about 18 episodes. So I've gone past that. I have definitely gone past that. And if you're thinking about doing a podcast, then I don't know, just get involved. There are quite literally millions, I think. Maybe I'll have to find out exactly what the number is. But one thing I've learned from this process is that I just had to dive in, you know, and whatever it is that you're up to, whatever ideas you're looking to follow as we head towards the end of 2020, then the key message and lesson is that if you don't start now, then when will you start?

01:28 If you don't develop the early skills, then you're never going to develop the advanced skills with this podcast. And if you're listening to the first time, great to have you here. Remember to subscribe so you don't miss an episode. We have these kind of conversation episodes and then on Friday we have the wrap-up and then occasionally there's other times where I drop in with some coaching or other specialist things. But if you have been listening for a while, then please make sure you've leave us a review over on iTunes, well, Apple podcast as it is now known. And share, share, share, share away. Let's bring as many people onto the podcast as you can, really. It's really important that the community part of Team Superdad is felt by us all.

02:11 Last night we had the dad call, which is our bi-weekly men's group. It literally is a drop-in. You can bring a problem, bring a question, bring a challenge. Some weeks it's a lot of fun, like quite silly. And other weeks it's quite serious. Like last night there was a lot of dads with questions, dads that are having challenging situations at the moment. And that is probably sign of the times. In most countries around the world, there's some level of lockdown. We're heading towards Christmas. It can be quite a tense time, you know, dads that are separated, then concerns about seeing their kids and juggling Christmas, money for presents and things,

02:52 which of course, money for presents is a challenge for parents who are still together. But everybody wants their relationship to work out. So, you know, you know the challenges and that's what we're here for. That is exactly what we're here for. And that is why we do the podcast. And today's podcast, I'm talking to Joe Baldwin Trot. Definitely talking about an area of challenges we have. Sometimes you see a dad, don't you? So you see a bloke and they just look awesome. They're dressed well. They look sharp. It does stand out, doesn't it? It certainly does for me. And I guess sometimes it's not even about what they're wearing. Sometimes you could see someone in it like in some kind of sportswear tracksuit type stuff.

03:36 But the trainers go well with the trousers, the top, it all matches. They look flipping awesome. There have been times in my life when I think I was pretty fashionable. I think some friends probably would disagree with me. Days clubbing. In particular, I had a purple shirt. Like I said, it was like quite a silky purple shirt. It was great for some glamour clubbing. Not great for wearing to Grimsby Pier, as I experienced. I think I nearly got chucked off the edge. A tricky evening.

04:16 There were definitely some highs and lows on that evening. A pair of tartan punk trousers I used to wear clubbing as well. They were hot. And I don't mean hot looking. I mean, I think they were hot looking, but bloody hell, they were hot to wear as well. So there's been moments of fashion and style in my life. But it's not that easy as a dad. You know, your money kind of goes on kids' clothes and then you've got the confidence of going to shops rarely. And then if you're a single dad, then probably you're shopping on your own, which I don't know. Thinking back to my relationship, maybe sometimes shopping on your own is more enjoyable.

04:56 I'll let you decide that one. But getting it right. getting your fashion right, your style right, whether you're still in your relationship or whether you're out dating, you really want to make an impression with the person that you are trying to have fall in love with you or to stay in love with you. And Joe, through her work as a personal brand and connectivity specialist, she really is, I don't know, she just brings a whole new light to the idea of what colors you're wearing and the confidence around the things that you choose. And not surprisingly, actually, the kind of emotional side, almost like the counseling side of her work, that she's out doing a styling day with her clients, working on their personal brand and stuff comes out, stuff gets dealt with.

05:43 So an absolutely amazing woman who is also a publisher as well. So she's really pulling up trees at the moment and absolutely great to have her in the Team Superdad network. And as we realized today, we're definitely going to get her involved on some personal branding and, you know, clothing confidence, what to wear on dates, both dates with your wife or dates with someone you're trying to fall in love with. So I hope you enjoy it. There is something a little bit weird going on with my sound in a couple of parts, but it doesn't ruin it. It's just weird. Like when I kind of, when I laugh when she's talking or when I come in after she's been speaking, there seems to be a bit of weird stuff going on.

06:21 So I'll have to work out what that is. But rest assured, I will get it sorted to maintain the quality of the Team Superdad podcast. If you've got any feedback, guests you want to hear on the show or ideas to make the podcast better, then please, please do so. Please, please drop by in the Team Superdad community on Facebook or visit teamsuperdad.com and you can whatever, sign up, join the community, get our email, subscribe to the podcast, just basically get involved. The best way to, you know, to transform your health, wealth and happiness is to get involved with the Team Superdad community and everything that we're up to, like right up to your neck. Get it all. Okay, without further ado, let's get on with today's conversation with Joe Bourbon Trot.

07:06 I'll see you on the other side. Hey, welcome to Team Super Dad Live. We are live on all of our socials. And if you're listening on the property, great to have you here. Joe is with us. And today's live is all about love during lockdown connections. And Joe is a personal brand specialist. So I put it in the description just about like we've got relationships going on, we've got people dating. And one of the hardest things, two hardest things, clearly, communication, but also showing up and looking our best, being our best, the confidence that comes from looking fabulous.

07:51 And so I think, I mean, obviously we've got a lot of dads who are going to be on this on this live stream today, whether on LinkedIn, not LinkedIn. LinkedIn's the only one we haven't got, Joe. But certainly across Instagram and all the other socials, YouTube, Facebook, my podcast, if you're listening to the recording of this. So if you're enjoying what we're doing today, please share it. Say hello, give us a comment. We're on StreamYard, so we will see your comments coming in and we will gladly involve you in the conversation if you've got specific questions that you want to ask us. But Joe, you and I were chit-chatting and you shared an awesome event that you're going to be part of this weekend, which led us to have a conversation.

08:29 Well, let's talk about this on the live today. So first of all, introduce yourself and then we'll talk about what the event is this weekend. Oh, thanks, Johnny. Great to be here. And welcome, everyone. Lovely to kind of be connected with the Team Superdad. Yeah, so it's an event that is really needed, actually, because so many people are in lockdown and we're going to be in and out of lockdown in some way or another for a little while, yeah, especially here in the UK. And there's a lot of confusion and sort of frustration, I think, with dating and relationships. And, you know, we're all getting zoomed out. We're all kind of constantly on these screens. So, you know, it's like,

09:13 which is great when you've got the filter on. But, you know, it's a bit of a tough time, I think. And if you're like me, you're more of a in-person in people person, in-person person. You like the physical connection. It's tougher than ever, I think. And there's really a need for talking about what relationships are. And actually, it's kind of a good time to do a bit of work on yourself. And then by the time we can all just be dating normally and, you know, all that kind of fun stuff physically, we'll be kind of a bit more sorted is my theory. So on Saturday, this coming Saturday, relationship and intimacy coach Kara Marshall.

09:54 Marshall, the founder of Ignite Dating, Michelle Beggie. She's got a European dating matchmaking service, incredible. Me talking about personal brand, image, and how you show up. And then we've got some wine tasting. All the way from Italy, we're going to take you around Italy on the afternoon while the rugby's on. So I'm not quite sure how that's going to be a two-screen job, I think. But what about your love of French wines, Joe? How are we going to address this on Saturday? Are you going to expand your horizons? There's going to be another one. So we're going to start with Italy, French next, and then probably Spanish wine as well.

10:34 You know, can't beat a good Rioca. I like the style. Okay, so this is basically a prolonged opportunity to drink. Just drink wine. Yeah, really. It's going to be a lot of fun as well. So showing up, like when people are talking about how they look and how they feel, quite often how we feel inside is a representation of what we think we look like on the outside. So if we're not confident about how we're looking, we're probably going to shrink away quite a bit. Whereas if we feel like we're looking great, we're going to possibly be a little bit more confident. How can someone get in tune with that? Like, am I confident? Am I not confident? Is it to do with how I look?

11:14 Like, what's the problem here? Yeah, it's, God, we go to our wardrobe and we put clothes on and we just think, oh, I'm just putting my clothes on. But you're not. That's the trouble because your wardrobe is full of things that you have chosen. And there's a variety of reasons why you've chosen them. You know, good times, bad times, struggling for money times, wealthy times, whatever. So actually, what we do is we go through this incredibly complex process and think in that moment in time, well, okay, how am I going to show up today? You don't really ask yourself that. But sadly, the thing that most people really worry about is what are people going to think of me?

11:53 And as much as, yes, we want to be, it's important to really be considerate, especially with business, but obviously dating too, of what impression you're bringing. But actually, it's very much about you and showing the true you. Sadly, there's so much what I call blending in syndrome. And people really think they've got to dress a certain way, wear certain colours. Women, it's black, guys, it's white or grey or navy. You know, it's like the average guy has a wardrobe full of navy, white and grey and black. The average woman has a wardrobe full of mostly black, you know, a little bit of grey maybe, the odd colour.

12:35 But sadly, we become conformists. We create our own uniform as we get older, which is interesting because we can't stand it when we're a kid at school. And obviously, when it comes to dating and any kind of connection online, especially, it all still matters. If I was sat here in a cream top, for example, you know, I wouldn't stand out as much on the screen. I'd also blend in with my sofa. You know, and it all matters. And it matters anyway if you're going out and one day having a date in the pub. But it really matters online, I think, because most of our memory is imagery. It's not words, it's what we see. So why not make a really good first impression?

13:18 And I have a screenshot and I've done a screenshot of like eight guys on Tinder. And I should have shared it with you first because it would have been a great, I'll share it after. But for people that, you know, have never gone online or for people that are in relationships, just seeing how guys, and I know it's women too, but obviously I'm personally me, I'm looking at the guys. It's how you really show up. It's like, wow, did you either you didn't think or you think I don't give a shit or you think, well, take me as I take me as I am. But what we really should be doing is firstly thinking, right, what's really me?

14:02 What really represents me? And that's uniquely. That's important to get that word in. Not, you know, just the coach me or the dad me. It very much should be, well, who am I? What am I really about? And then it's about, well, and what are they going to think of that? But if you really show up as yourself and you put the clothes on that really represent you and bring yourself, you will feel different the minute you meet someone. You behave differently. That's called enclosed cognition. We equate what we're wearing. It's constantly processing in our head. I'm aware of wearing this bright blue jumper. It will never go away until I take it off.

14:44 So, you know, it matters. And then obviously it's about how you're coming across. across um but it is important to make an effort then isn't it because you know it just amazes me that there is there can be sort of anna don't judge me but i'm gonna say it some guys can just think well she just have to take me or leave me this is what i am um and i think you said you know the guy in the supermarket you saw that was just looking a real estate honestly you look like a tramp there's nothing wrong with wearing a taxi right to go to the supermarket okay but it looked like the oldest tracksuit in the world or or or at worst an old pair of pajamas and his wife looked great she you know uh i was like dude

15:29 but you know that happens online dating as well you know and it happens dating but you know if you go if you are doing online dating there's the first profile headshot is the one that matters um and there are people who think oh my gosh really you know it's like it just you put no consideration you look a mess why is any woman in their right mind and they're the guys it makes me laugh because underneath everyone's like is nobody gonna speak to me on this bloody app or something it's like no what are you delusional so you know it it's a mixture of both showing up as the true you being different giving yourself permission to really show up and wear color and look like you

16:13 and then also being considerate of like well what message am i given look in the mirror and see it from the other way don't just see what you see think well if i was a woman you know who would i attract because we judge we can't help it it's that simple well people what i know from from some other different work that i've done on on myself and courses i've been involved where it had mirror work part of part of the process i realized from that how and i'm not a vain person but i'm not someone who shies away from from mirrors either i am conscious of how i look my my moisturizer collection will uh be testimony to

16:53 that for sure in my number seven um but people don't spend enough time in the mirror quite often people don't spend enough time in the mirror or go around your house and count how many mirrors you've got if if you've only got one and it's actually quite a small crappy mirror there's possibly something going on there about how comfortable you are with your own um own reflection it's really true you know and what we do is we open the wardrobe and we go oh there's a there's a good shirt you know you've seen it either in a magazine or you know you've bought it in the store and you know it's a good shirt but what does good shirt look like on you does it suddenly look like a bad shirt you know and i think that's something that

17:36 women do more of because women naturally experiment more with clothes they try different shapes sizes materials i mean guys shirt shirt collars make such a difference for a guy they really do you know there's the quite a lot of trend was for like these very deep um deep shirt collars but if you don't have the long enough neck you look like you've lost your neck it's stuff like that all of it it's not about what a shirt looks like in a shop you've got to try it on and then really think well this is this really me it's putting that extra bit of thought and consideration um and because when it comes to dating obviously you know you will know you'll

18:16 feel different when you've made a real effort um and it you'll be then slightly aware because it's the it's the energy then you're giving off will be more attractive because you can tell you could tell if someone's not made any effort it's important to mention here right that this is about relationships as well we talked we just alluded to anybody wonder what the hell that reference was to the supermarket i put in the little trail for for this live stream about some chap that i'd seen in liddle looking absolutely shocking um but then how that relates back to people in relationships because we want our partner to be attracted to us and we

18:58 want to feel like our partner's not taking us for granted so wearing new clothes mixing up our colors being conscious of of of of our appearance is absolutely vital inside of a relationship as well so so this is for people in relationship and people dating for certain yeah because it's giving a message isn't it it's giving a message that i care that you care you know and and that's the reciprocation of a relationship isn't it you might not really give a damn you might be a simon cow and just want to wear the same shirt and pair of trousers all the time but actually what you're telling your partner you know the app we like i say it kind of does it equates more for women but that's just because i think we've always had more choice more opportunity we

19:43 experiment with our friends Guys aren't really encouraged to do that on average. So I would encourage you to do that. But yeah, you know, and it must be tough right now because people are really, you know, in each other's pockets all the time. But why not have a date night? Why not get showered tonight and then say, Right, okay, I'm going to put make an effort to put a shirt on and put something nice on. Because actually, we love it. Us women love it when a guy really makes an effort. We can tell it makes us feel special. Because otherwise, it is not a sign of disrespect. That would be too far going down the path. But it does, it gives generally gives a woman a feeling of yes, being considered that I matter because it matters to me, it suddenly matters to you.

20:31 And then that has real value. So, yeah, definitely. I think in most scenarios, the woman will have put some makeup on and considered her outfit. That's like so. Then, when the bloke turns up looking like he just flipping ran out the front door, that's exactly the point you just made. Like, how much did you really consider what I was going to feel like when you turned up? The fascinating thing about getting dressed is actually it's been studies have been done on it, and it's been found to be one of the most stressful parts of your day. Um, and I think I would even say, Let's go further than that. I think for men, even more.

21:09 So, that's that's on average. But it's it can be because it's not an easy process to go through, is it? You know, you have to stand there for that second and think, right? Well, what do I look like? And obviously, the first thing I'd say to anyone really is, How much of your wardrobe do you really enjoy wearing? You know, because we hold on to stuff, we hoard stuff, but with clothes, we hoard and we keep things that are too small for us, so they don't serve us. Because when we look at them, they all these items tell a story. Um, and so when we look at them, the pair of trousers that you could wear about a year ago, but now thanks to lockdown, you can't take them out of the wardrobe.

21:50 Because the trouble is, when you see them, you go, Oh, this is grey ones, yeah, been eating too many kind of biscuits in the day or whatever. Guilt, exactly, negative, negative, negative. So, take all those things out of your wardrobe if you know you're never going to wear them again. If you just realistically go, Do you know what? I'm just going to get rid of them, love it, and let it go, give it to charity. Um, but but have a wardrobe with even if it's this big. Um, you know, when I've had worked with clients, they've ended up with a wardrobe this big, um, but actually, they love everything in it. They mix and match because that's what happens when you know what your colours are. So, that's another kind of topic, really. But when you know what colours to wear that suit you, you can wear all your clothes together and mix and match them.

22:35 Yeah, because you take people shopping, don't you? You actually, well, we're going to come on to colour how we work that out in a second. You take people shopping and do part of a personal grand day, you take them shopping, and what do you do with it? Do you force them to wear things? Or yeah, I take my firearm knife. Um, right, a blue top, someone's going to say, no flipping day on this planet, I'm wearing a blue top, and you're going to, and you know that they're going to look awesome in it. You, you just, it's your job to convince them, but people put a lot of trust in you, I suppose. They do, but that's why that the showing them actually the actual clothes on them because I'll show someone their colour palette, and that's a whole wheel of colour, like you know, about 40 colours that they will mostly will never have seen before.

23:23 So, I'll show someone that men aren't men or men or women, same prince, same principles, same process. Um, and they will look at that and think, Well, okay, but you know, yeah, looks nice here. Um, so it really helps to then take them shopping. Obviously, online shopping at the moment, I do a lot of online work. I one of my clients he just ordered it all online, arrived the next day, happy as Larry, just really super thrilled. They're not holding much stock anymore, are they? No, but I kind of know I know how to work, I know how to online shop, I know how to wheedle my way in. Yeah, no, there's ways you can, and obviously, the downside of online shopping is that the colours aren't the same.

24:06 But, you know, when you're used to doing it with like I am, you can sort of you know what you know, what the brands, how the brands work, different brands work. But it is really important to show someone, especially guys, because you tend to be a little bit less less, what can I say, eager to change and try something different. Not always, but it really helps to show you in that. Once I've got you in the right colours, in a different kind of shirt, you'll see what I'm saying. So, you'll see about the colours, you'll see about the hemline. the fit of a shirt.

24:41 You know, there's never just a shirt, it's not just and actually the repercussions of it are quite incredible because suddenly you're seeing yourself, and this is what it's all about. You're seeing yourself as a different person. You're recognizing that actually, because of my colouring, which I always used to feel like I was pale, or you know, it doesn't matter if you put on weight, none of it matters because when you wear the right clothes that really work for you, you'll just look amazing and then you'll feel amazing. It's a two-way process all the time. And I think we sadly get into a rut of buying, say, you know, certain kind of jumpers or pale blue shirts for guys that work.

25:25 If I had a pound for every pale blue shirt in the UK, honestly, I'd be a multi-millionaire. But why be the norm when you're not? Why dress the same as everyone else when you're not the same as everyone else? You're special. So I just give people and men permission to be more adventurous. And it's wonderful taking them shopping. They always say afterwards, oh my God, I can't believe how much I enjoyed that. I thought I was going to hate it. It's really normal. I'm an absolute nightmare. There's not many men. I get stuck in supermarkets just wandering the aisles, let alone clothes shopping.

26:04 So how can they choose their colour? It's confusing though, isn't it? Because the trouble is the shops, even online, you know, if you go into an average store, most men like department stores because they're big and you can, it's job done in one foul swoop. Women are coming around to this mode of thinking as well, by the way, which makes me laugh. But it's confusing because there's so many different varieties. There's so many brands, there's so many sizes. So actually, it's lovely to really guide someone. And for me, it's like quick, so quick. It's in, it's job done, it's straight to it. And I think that that's a lot of why men stick to the same because it's like, well, I know these trousers will fit.

26:45 I know the shirt will work for me. And it makes total sense. I can see. Actually, speaking for myself in particular, you get so used to not going shopping. All the time you go shopping, you're buying stuff for your kids and you're thinking about how much money have I really got to buy for myself. And you're thinking, I'm not bloody going anywhere anyway. But then you realise you haven't bought anything new for a year or something. You're thinking, well, how is that going to go with? How does that become something that so out of practice at like putting together little different bits of mixing maccano and Lego and a jigsaw?

27:25 You're like, none of this goes together. How am I? Where do I possibly start? So I think it does become a bit of a confidence thing, like an out and out of practice thing. A few questions, loads of questions, in fact. So where does someone start with their colours? Just look in the mirror and be honest with yourself as to what looks right on you. So a very quick kind of hack, if you like, to finding what colour works for you. If you look in a, so face the natural light, so not in the lovely, warm, lit bedroom you've got or whatever, but face a window on an on a kind of not sunshine either, but just averagey light. Hold hold a white sheet of paper next to you. I don't have one at hand, up to your chin.

28:07 Right. All right. And look at what the colour does to you. So if I had a piece of white, bright white paper now and held it up to me, it would drain me because I'm not actually the right colour of skin to really get away with wearing brilliant white. And that's what the colour is called. But you have to be brutally honest with you. And do it with your pale blue shirts as well. Because here's the thing. So that's a hack, but most white skin in the UK doesn't suit white or pale blue or charcoal grey because the skin tone in the UK has a still an element of Mediterranean colouring within it and is warm, what's called warm, which is a

28:50 yellow-based skin tone. So when you have a yellow-based skin tone, which is the average white skin in the UK, you won't ever look that great in white. But you will look great. Sorry, Johnny. But do you have the average skin tone? I'll come on to that in a minute. I've told you this before anyway. But the average skin tone, sorry, what you will look better in is soft white or cream or teal or so many millions of colors. But it just takes that moment of real honesty. And actually, you've got to hold the colour under your chin and say, what does this colour really do to me?

29:32 Because that is the only way you can be really honest with yourself. yourself. And if the white does look a bit greying or draining, or you look like you've been ill, then you'll probably warm skin tone and you will suit warm navy, bright, bright navy, not dark navy, cream, probably like a rusty red instead. You know, not that guys, that many guys wear red, unfortunately. But, you know, there's so many other colours you can wear, and the warm palette will always suit you better.

30:08 Because, you know, our skin is just a colour. But yeah, it's an average white woman in the UK doesn't look good in black, which is why they end up wearing more makeup because it doesn't actually suit the average white. Which most men don't like either. I like wearing red. I just don't wear red on a day that Tottenham are playing, which is absolutely ridiculous. I never wear red on a top of the day. Apart from that, Roko. So it's hysterical. So I can promise you, virtually every single male client I've had, their reference point is football or rugby. Right. Oh, my life. So one of my clients was a speaker. He was an ex-BBC presenter.

30:47 And he only wore the colours of his football team. And then when I had to tell him that they didn't suit him, but more importantly, I showed him that they didn't suit him. He was a bit devastated, but he's gotten over it now. The guy that does the Match the Day 2 sometimes and the NFL show, what's his name? Don't know. Awful. I hope he's not listening. I hope he is listening because he can come and work with you. Well, Match the Day 2 on Sunday night, he was sat there in a grey kind of marley shirt and he had it untucked, I guess, because it's casual, you know. But it looked like he just rushed onto the set and like slid into his chair and just got on with it.

31:29 And he's not in good shape as well. So he kind of slouches a little bit. I mean, I like him. He's got, I love it. I love his chat and his warmth and he's easy, you know, he's just easy to listen to or watch, but he looks awful. And the trouble is, you know, on a professional front, but I suppose a dating front too, you're distracted by that then because part of your mind and your concentration is focusing on the fact that he looks properly rubbish in what he's wearing. And you're processing that. So you're not actually looking at him. But yeah, I mean, Adrian Charles is another one. So I've got a friend who knows him. So he's putting in a word for me because he wears the classic pale blue shirts all the time. And he's an absolute autumn. He's a warm skin tone. He looks properly terrible.

32:13 And he's got a really bad bright yellow backdrop in his office. So that's another thing at the moment is that the backdrop behind you really impacts the colours of how you look. Or any kind of live thing. I'm going to look up this guy on the VBC's fit. Grey is another colour. And I'm sorry, but if you've gone grey in your hair, why wear grey? Because what you do is what we do when we see you then is try and bring the colours together. We're always trying to bring colours together. The amount of people that wear grey that have gone grey, it's definitely a connection. But actually, it's the very worst colour to wear. Sorry, but it is.

32:57 Well, it's just having, I guess it's, well, I'm not going to disagree with you because you're the lady that knows this stuff. But people can accessorise it and things and things. It's not like it's got to go out the window. Like a grey suit will be about wearing a good colour shirt and a good colour tie, right? How much of the colour is the suit and how much is the tie? Okay, yeah, like 95.5. So that's the thing. And actually, people don't wear ties anymore. In a way, ties were great because if you, if, so, for example, Adrian Childs, let's use him. So if he was wearing a horrid, if he was wearing grey suit of any kind, he should never wear grey.

33:39 But he had a burnt orange tie on. He would look okay because the burnt orange is one of his zing colours. So everyone has key zing colours that really rock them. Six or seven colours that lift their colouring, eye and hair colour. So burnt orange is the one of here's they go, Adrian, free, free tip for you. But people don't wear ties. Guys don't wear ties anymore. So he just, guys just wear the jacket and the, but actually you're better off either wearing a tie or just finding out what the colours rock you because it just looks aging as well as

34:18 blue navy is a navy's the best neutral for everyone. You know, very few people actually look good in grey. Sorry. No, I've got a blue suit. Actually, my wedding suit was grey. Hilariously. It was completely different either. But, okay, Mark Chapman, that's who it is. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Chaffers, isn't it? Yeah. Do you know something about football? I love him. He looked bad on Sunday. Yeah, but you know, so my consulting brain will think, well, okay, either he's not with someone or he's not with someone who's being honest with him or he really doesn't give up.

34:58 Well, he's going to work and actually he may be taking his own stress and unhappiness and sliding into work like that. Wow. So then there's a lot of emotional, almost like counselling stuff that goes on with unpicking this challenge here. There is actually, because, you know, I've had celebrities burst into tears and spill out their woes of their childhood bullying. It's been, it's a powerful process because like you said right at the beginning of the chat, it's not just about what you're wearing. In fact, it's nothing about how you look. It's how you feel about you. Because every decision you make of what you wear is reflective of how you feel about yourself.

35:42 And, you know, for women, classic is why so many women wear black. They wear black to hide their bodies, to make themselves look slimmer. What a terrible, negative mindset to have. And I'm not judging it. I'm just saying, you know, there's reasons why we hide in our clothes. And sadly, that's what they can be used for. But yeah, it's a powerful process. My best testimonial was from a couple. So the wife bought services with me for her husband. I did his image and color. And then he bought a voucher with me for his wife. And then they sent me this amazing anniversary picture. And they said, the best anniversary ever.

36:25 We're happier. We're more together. We're more confident. Thank you so much. And it still gets me emotional now. So yeah, it's powerful stuff. Do you know? Well, I can't believe we haven't spoken about this before because inside the Hero Academy, I've got modules around sleep and the bedroom and buying a proper bed and then around money and managing money and how you communicate with your partner about communicating money and all these things, great things, fitness, focus, finance, family and fun, all modules around those things. And I hadn't considered this at all before. So like a couple trying to rekindle things, trying to just fall back in love.

37:09 This is actually a part of it. They're lost in themselves, let alone lost in their relationship. And part of that can simply come from what they get up and put on and how they feel throughout the day, each and every day. Yeah, because sadly, we carry on the process of just living, being a parent, being a partner. And we actually give ourselves very little time to just validate who we are in our own special way. And that might be a bit of extra weight around the waist or not quite the biceps you used to have, whatever. But it doesn't matter because the person you're with wants to be with you. But we don't validate.

37:49 Yeah, but sadly, we forget to validate. And I think what this does is from the outset, it looks like we're just looking at how you look and the clothes you wear. But actually, it's not. It's much to do with, well, let's give you a reboot. Let's give you a whole kind of different way of feeling about yourself. And then it's about how you look. But you can really give yourself a whole boost of confidence. And obviously, once you feel, because we're not unaware, are we? When we're wearing the same old t-shirt and jeans all the time, we're aware of that. And that message that you give your partner, you know, you're not unaware of that.

38:28 So by changing that and giving it a real kind of boost and a zesty feel that actually, this is what, this is me. I'm different. I'm more special. It's, yeah, it's powerful. And obviously, especially for work. No, I really, well, I'm really just tuning into these thoughts that are going around my mind. Men talking about their wife, like, well, men talking about themselves, fed up, I'm worn out. I'm not appreciated. I'm fed up and worn out. I'm not appreciated. What's the point? Then they moan at their wife, like, your bum looks big in that, or why, you know, like there's a lot they want to say, but it kind of comes out wrong in some sort of off-the-cuff one line that hurts probably more than actually telling them the whole thing, like sharing openly and honestly with each other.

39:13 So then, so then something perhaps a bit sharp comes out, like, you know, it's been a long time since I've had that thing to worry about. But that's that, it's the, you know, your bum. looks big in this. Like, can't your bum look? Does my bum look big in this? And they say yeah or no, or and and that's there's a bigger thing going on there that they're probably their whole wardrobe is is out of date and not serving them. Um, and then and then they end up taking lumps out of each other because of it. Yeah, but it all starts from self-value, doesn't it, sadly? But um, but yeah, I think that's probably really really um prevalent at the moment, those kind of conversations, because you know, it everyone's around each other way too much in a way, um, you know, and so there's there's probably a lot of people feeling like that.

40:01 Um, and also, I think sometimes you just have to upset the norm, um, and it might be arranging a date night, and you might not feel like doing it, but actually switching the TV off, you know. And I really part of part of this is definitely about changing behavior and actually saying, right, okay, what do we need to do differently? Um, and I think doing that, thinking, right, well, let's make a point of having a night together and turning the TV off, play cards, I don't know, anything, just spending time together that's different. Um, and then when you can go out, it's like you know, the amount of people I've worked with that are in couples, and I do, I can't, part of my work is to do with counseling and coaching, really.

40:44 Um, but is it how often do you spend regularly with your partner? When was your last date night? Well, about three months ago, and so you're never spending time as a couple, you'll just spend time as mum and dad, billpayer, cleaner, washer-upper, cook. But you've got to spend time as a couple, and sadly, I think people are and get out of the habit completely understandably, but you've got to make a habit to enjoy it and appreciate each other. Yeah, yeah, imagine we're going on a date, right? Let's go, we are that we are that couple, or we are we're going on a date with someone new, right? So, we go shopping. I feel like the worst thing I could possibly do is buy something wild and outrageous because

41:29 then I might be sat there thinking, oh, okay, I've really gone out on a limb here. Now I'm wearing something wild and outrageous. But, but actually, is the opposite something, you know, is the opposite? That's what you should do. You should go and make a statement, like a like, but it feels risky. It feels like I might buy the wrong thing. Ah, so you're worried about the impact of it. The person looking at you is going to judge you wrongly. But my question would come to why, so you buying something wild and outrageous to wear, is that you? Does that feel authentic to you? Yeah, I'm kind of asking a question that's not really me, really, because I've got pink shirts and kind of

42:11 design stuff, but quite often I end up like it or lump it. I end up wearing a t-shirt and I probably dress a bit like I'm a bit too much, like a 21-year-old still sometimes. But I'm thinking that for other, like I'm asking a question that could be for me, but it could be general as well, that that quite loud pink shirt or something, you think, right, I want to I want to wow this person is is that a risk worth taking or is or because this Jonathan's just posted a question here, right? He said, which we can cover as well. He says something about going to the mall just fills me with a dread, let alone shopping for clothes, right?

42:48 So, so whether you're going on a date or you, or you're, or you're going on a date night with your partner, you head off to the mall, we head off to Blue Water, there's 25 shops there, you don't know which way to start. So you go into one and you're like, right, I'm going to, Joe said to get, get a, get a big colour, Joe said, go, go, go big. And then, and then you feel like you're looking like Timmy Mallett on the date. Is there a what's the trick somewhere in the middle, somewhere where someone could step outside their comfort zone without completely overshooting the mark? How, because someone's not going to have you by their side, right? How could someone judge that thing? Obviously, they could have me by their side because, you know, obviously, um, I think 50% of my clients are men now, which is great.

43:31 Um, but yeah, um, I suppose the answer is a happy medium, um, but it's it is it is stepping out of the comfort zone and leaving the Simon Cowell outfit behind. The only person you should show up on a date is, um, as is you. If, if you're adventurous and, you know, you're aware that you've created your own uniform, that it doesn't represent you all. It may, it may represent the old you. Because most of us go through quite a transition becoming parents, becoming divorced, you know, and so actually maybe you've got stuff in your wardrobe that's the old you.

44:13 It's like the conformist or the whatever that is. But why not be more adventurous? Why not be more daring? Personally, from my own very personal point of view, if a guy makes a real effort to dress up and wear something different, I then think this guy's different. Because actually, most of us that are doing online dating or dating anyway, it's very easy to have, you know, have a couple of different drinks, you know, different nights. And so, why be the average? It's so important that you do the opposite. And if you're trying to communicate that in what you wear, and you're saying, well, actually, I've got a funky shirt on, but I love it.

44:56 It's always how you feel in it. So, you might feel a bit uncomfortable because it's a bit different. But if you feel good in it and you feel like you're really showing up as you, then, of course, you should wear it. You really shouldn't wear the pale blue shirt. So, it's like it's basically owning it, basically. Only yourself. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know, it's about stepping stones, isn't it? And moving forward and saying, well, actually, you know, and but the interesting thing of when I when I have clients go shopping with them, I will get them to try on something that's out there. And same for men and women. I will get the very thing that actually takes, pushes them out of their comfort zone with a big shove.

45:40 But actually, when it's the right shape, right colour, right fit, they'll look at themselves and they'll go, oh my God, I actually look really good. I can't. So, like a wild jumper, for example, or a crazy pattern shirt. If it's the right colours and it's the right style, fitting, collar, it will never look terrible because it's going to be right for you. And what it does, it allows you to see yourself as slightly different. And then, and then the person generally gets the one that's in the middle and doesn't get the crazy wild shirt. But next time they do, because actually, we should have more fun with clothes. We take it way too seriously. You know, we really, really do. We should have more fun.

46:24 We should create our own outfits. You know, we're all unique. And like I keep saying, we don't show up as unique. We show up as average. And yeah, and going back to Jonathan's comment, can I just say, Jonathan, you're not alone. There are so many women that hate shopping. So just to get that one out there, so many women hate shopping as much as men now. But what I'd say is, go just like anything in a coachy world, you'd say this, Johnny. Have a focus. What are you really looking for? Are you looking for a shirt? Okay. And then maybe do a bit of research online because you know certain brands will not do something that's different.

47:02 You know, they will stick to the same. So go to different brands, go, right, I'm going to, I'm going to try on two shirts in three shops. Be really focused on what you're going to do. And you might not come away with something, but be focused, go straight to that shop, straight to that shop, straight to that shop. And then if it doesn't work, you're fine. Cut down your expectation. And then think, right, okay, well, that was interesting. I'll try that again. And or ring joke. Yeah, because I mean, it is about taking the risk. It is about stepping out. And probably if you're shopping in

47:40 high street shops, it's going to be fashionable. It's unlikely that they're going to have stuff in there that's absolutely disgusting. No, they do. Okay, that's no problem. I've got a fine picture of me, right? He does it. He's got a weekend event called Super Genius, right? So he tells this story about this gold jacket and he brings the gold jacket on and I find a picture. And he talks about he was with his girlfriend, I think it's his wife now. And they were in like Gulching Gabbana. I think it pretty much is Dulcie and Gabbana. So he saw this gold jacket.

48:23 Can't wait to see it. No, you're going to crack up. My kids laughed their asses off when I showed them this. Right. Oh my gosh. What on earth? This would be a wild. Okay. Wait, wait, let me get the let me see if I can go full screen. There we go. Right. So, Joe, that is a wild. No, I didn't own that jacket either, right? But so Ryan tells the story about when he bought this jacket and as crazy as it is, he says, when he wears it, it's like he's a celebrity.

49:07 He's as wild as it is and as ridiculous as that photo looks, he says, like, nothing happens. He's been, he's been. ushered to the front of lines at nightclubs and stuff i love it he's had this jacket on so that's not good for me right well but it's it that's that tells it's a whole kind of own story of of the impact of one thing you buy something slightly different that is very different but you know why not why not be why not stand out why not um just just be expressive and have fun with it and good for him i think you know it's crazy but what a talking point and and what um and also i personally think there's there's something very sexy about seeing a guy that is prepared to push the boundaries with what's traditionally masculine um because that would could be seen as quite a feminine jacket yeah you know that's the

50:02 sort of thing a woman would wear right but actually you know i think most women like respond to that go wow cool he's happy with himself you know he's he's like like rounded it's like it's you know the guys that are wearing the traditional you know are going to come across as that it's like are you really that kind of type of guy it's like you said you know we we do we do um we make judgments on what someone's wearing and if you're dressing like a 21 year old then obviously you're not quite 21 johnny i don't think are you so there's a disparity and you know you're your your dates will be thinking that it's like what this guy's great but why is he dressing up in the 20 i mean

50:42 it depends obviously because you know there's there's there's um there's realms of getting the right mix and but you know that that's what it's about it's about being relaxed and and and comfortable and you're enjoying yourself but also making a statement that you're someone worth being with yeah well and also because if you're thinking i dress like a 21 year old there's a reason you're there's something about it that you aren't feel feeling comfortable in if you didn't think that then you should carry on dressing exactly like you do but the fact that you're feeling like you're you maybe want to change how you look and then is coming into your energy and that uncertainty is coming into your energy do you see what i mean and that's what people pick up on i think it's for me it's about about being so focused on my kids for so long and

51:31 buying them oh money gets spent on their stuff or their school shoes or whatever it is and then i and then you're thinking well what do i what do i buy next like i could probably need to buy everything let alone one thing that's a good question actually if someone's keeping their wardrobe up to date and money is a bit of a factor it's i'm pretty gonna answer my own question here but is it sensible to just consciously buy one new thing every month so you're always like part of your budget is i'm spending whatever 25 pound a month i might buy at least one new item of clothing each month so my wardrobe gets a little bit updated all the time

52:11 so here's the thing i kind of i actually slightly fall out with that whole principle of updating your wardrobe right um but i think what you're what you're saying is actually do we is it a good process to go through to think right i'll just and the answer is yeah because because actually we we if you've got clothes and you you don't never i've only had one client that's completely literally taken out the wardrobe and then replaced it with a new one honestly literally not not quite the the actual wardrobe but all the clothes came out they all went to the charity shop and and onto ebay and everything else and we we literally bought a whole new wardrobe shopping and that went in but by and large actually just by changing and buying something you love to wear and it's simple right now if you are a

52:57 bit aware of money just buy a different shirt really simple but again take it to the light put it under your chin does the color really work for you does the fit really work for you um and and just buy that one thing because that one thing will change the way you look at your wardrobe unless you've been really buying kind of out of mega out of date um trousers then your trousers are probably fine um because obviously especially right now it's like you know i i could be in a bright pink tutu you wouldn't know would you because you all you're seeing is this um so it you know it it's actually just about changing one thing but being a bit adventurous will help you get over

53:37 get around that corner of you know dressing the same and once you go around that corner you'll find it easier to then buy something else that's different um i don't i think fashion is going through a whole fascinating um well problem because obviously nobody's shopping but also i think that we at a lot at last are waking up to ethical fashion um and i do a lot of redesigning clothes um you know obviously upcycling and and also giving to charity is really important when you don't want clothes anymore anymore. And I saw your video in Camden Market where you took the client to,

54:16 you know, he went, I think you're outside of what they called a tailor's. And you were like, this guy makes amazing suits. And what's more, it's going to be fitted. And what's more, you're supporting a local business. And what's more, with an awesome fitted suit, it will always look fabulous on you. Yeah, because actually, if you're a guy that needs a suit for work, invest that little bit more. And sometimes it is only a little bit more. It depends what you want to do. But investing in one that really fits you, that is your right colour, is the best start and will make such a difference to the rest of your wardrobe.

54:57 You know, sadly, guys, you know, buy the wedding suit or buy a suit that just, you know, it's a fairly good make and looks okay. But unless it really fits very well and the colour really serves you, you'll buy everything to match that doesn't serve you as well. So that first investment that wasn't so great ends up being an investment this big of all these things that aren't that great. But also, at some point, you'll notice, you'll put it on, you'll be at work and you know, or you'll be out on a meeting and you'll catch yourself in the mirror and go, oh, yeah, this suit doesn't fit that well.

55:36 That's it. That's the thought, Joe. That's the real honest thought: oh dear, I look a bitch in it. That's the one you all hate. Everyone wants to avoid that thought. Yeah. Yeah, it really is. I mean, obviously, I do know tailors, but here's the thing: that with brands, you can actually pick the suit that works better for your brand, but it's better for your body shape. So brands create different sizes, styles, and shapes. But, you know, if worst case scenario, I say, go into John Lewis. They have a brilliant, they have several sections of tailors and experts in body shape, tailoring, and their products.

56:20 So, you know, if that is something that needs doing, then just spend that little bit of extra time. Don't just go in and go, oh, I know I'm a 36 in MS, which is what a lot of men do. Here's a couple of quick questions. Shirt in or out, tucked in or tucked in or tucked out? Depends. Okay, depends. Trainers or shoes? Depends. Depends. There's no rules. There's honestly, I promise you, I'm not a rules person. Wear black with blue, wear green with blue, you know, wear pink and orange. There's no rules. There really aren't any rules, but it just depends on how you're wearing it and what you're wearing. But I mean, I really like these kind of smart trainers with trousers, you know, and actually.

57:05 Yeah, all the macros they do, or not on Sky, on Sky Sports, a lot of the presenters, you'll see them wearing pretty, they're like dress trainers, basically, aren't they? Like they're like. Yeah. Well, hey, comfort's king. Comfort's king. I haven't worn a pair of heels for about four years. Oh my gosh. That just leans into a whole subject for me. Women, put yourself through horrific pain for us. Not interested. But no, comfort's king. And actually, there are more kind of cool shoes. But yeah, brown shoes are so much better than black. Why do so many men just wear black shoes with suits?

57:49 Dark brown shoes look so much better with suits than black. And it's all these rules that, and you mentioned something ages ago, actually, and I've forgotten it now. But we sadly take all these rules and these little anecdotes we've been told along the way. We take them through our lives with us. And then it takes someone like me to say, well, hold on, whose voice is that? Whose voice is telling you that you can't wear blue and black or you mustn't ever wear brown shoes? And it's someone else has told you that. And actually, there are no rules. The only rule is to have fun with it and stop taking it so seriously. Yeah. So kind of wrapping this whole subject up now, we started off talking about lockdown and love and connections.

58:32 And that's what I love about doing the podcast and doing these live streams and specifically not calling them interviews because that draws. I love the fact that it's conversation, right? Because then there's complete scope for the conversation to wander. And I think we're of more value to our Team Super Dad audience and everybody else. But when that happens, we've wandered into so much about relationships and people lifting themselves up by better choices around what they wear. And that's right. right now is a vital thing, isn't it? People wanting to feel happier, more connected, take away some stress and bring some smiles and lightness into our lives.

59:16 And what could be easier than actually something we do every day, which is put our clothes on. Yeah, and start with just taking, just having a little, having a sort out, going to your wardrobe and just saying, why have I still got this stuff? You know, if you really go down the whole researching what stuff does to us, it actually generally brings us down. And we don't need very much stuff. We've learned in the last nine months that we need so few clothes, really. And actually, we don't, my wardrobe's only ever been that big. You can't see now, but my wardrobe's not that big, but everything goes with each other. But we don't need as much as we have. So it's so impactful to actually go through, open your wardrobe doors and go, do you know what?

1:00:00 I'm going to get rid of a couple of things today that I know don't serve me. Get rid of them, especially the ones that have negative attachment. Every little item you have in your wardrobe has a story. It's like a little narration that jumps up. But the ones that are the weight issues, especially, you know, that's a really powerful one that will be constantly nagging you every time you open your wardrobe. The ones that, oh, well, that was my ex's favourite shirt. If that doesn't give you a smile to your face, and I'm judging, sort of guessing it probably doesn't, get rid of it. Why do you want your ex's shirt, favourite shirt in the wardrobe still? Just stuff like that, maybe.

1:00:41 Or, you know, I think also, you know, and for women, it's huge because obviously there's a whole post-baby, pre-baby, post-baby shape and size and weight. But for guys too, you know, and actually give yourself permission to be do something different. You can always send it back. I know. Unlucky, I guess. Well, lucky, I work out quite a lot, but I'm the same size I've been since I was left school, since I was like 18. Well, probably thinner at uni. Well, there's no luck involved, though, is there? It takes a lot of hard work to, you know, everyone has to work hard at staying fit, especially as we get older for sure.

1:01:22 But actually, you know, if you're trying to lose weight, it's actually a really powerful thing to do as well. Because what you'll be doing is saying, well, actually, I'm only going to wear clothes I feel really good in. I've had some clients that are really, really, really massively overweight and intending to lose the weight. So they're doing something about it. And then I've helped them to get rid of their stuff in the wardrobe. And obviously, I do this online too at the moment. And actually, just by that very act, it's given them permission to validate who they are now. So, you know, it's all about validation and value, isn't it? Brand new chapter. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, how can people, this has been brilliant, Joe, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and smile with people.

1:02:07 And if on the podcast, that's gone out of the way. You've got nobody. I mean, nothing, but Joe does look great in her blue jumper today. How can people come and find you and work with you, both men and women? Yeah, so just my website, joebalbintrot.com. Really simple. All my social media, I'm on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, or JoeBalbinTrot.com. We've got this event on Saturday, which is going to be amazing. It's going to be a real kind of fun afternoon and an opportunity to hear from some experts who really dig into this self-valuing. Karen is very much a law of attraction expert as well. So she really talks about

1:02:51 what are you attracting in or what are you doing wrong, but nothing's wrong. What work do you need to do on yourself? And some great, great experts to help you with the next stages of any relationship. And because it's three of you and the wine tasting, it's the kind of thing people can put on the TV, literally, put it on your smart TV. And tickets, they get tickets at Eventbrite. Do they have a problem? Yeah, so Eventbrite, I've sent a link to you, but I can reset again. But yeah, it's just $29.95. So there's wine tasting as well. And yeah, it's going to be a real packed fuck afternoon of

1:03:30 fun. It'll be nice and laid back and quite engaging as well. I like to be quite interactive when I do events, especially online because, you know, we're all just zoomed out. So if anyone's up for bringing along their wardrobe, then I'll give someone a free kind of mini consultation online. Johnny? That's a know-them body language. language. I'm literally rolling my wheels right to say, oh, dear. I know my wardrobe needs updating. What I'm going to do is I'm going to grab the link off your, so people can go and find.

1:04:15 Oh, it's on the post. It's on my post. Anyway, I'm going to put it in the comments now. Yeah. So if you go to Eventbrite and put my name in, it will come up. Yeah. If you're watching, you're watching on the live now, the URL for the event is in the comments below. So you can go and grab that podcast. Catch it in the show notes. The show. It might have even gone past. Oh, will there be a re can people watch the replay probably afterwards? Maybe? Don't know. I don't think we're going to have a replay because we really want people to be there because we want it to be interactive. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. It's not going to be last one, though, is it? Because you're doing Italy, Spain. Well, I have to go around Europe, obviously, because to have to check all these wines, really, because nobody's going anywhere.

1:05:01 Yeah, no, hopefully, you know, we'll see because the rugby's on. So that's a bit of a kind of a downer, obviously. So it's going to be people trying to watch the rugby and hopefully coming to our event. So it may be more women than men. But anyway, we'll see. We'll find that way to doing it both. Joe, this has been awesome. Thanks so much for coming on. We did it last minute because I saw your event and I wanted to do some stuff around love and connection for the Team Super Dad crew. So this has been perfect. I hope it's of help for you guys for this weekend as well. Pleasure to be here. Really good fun. And yeah, just be great to see you on Saturday. You too, Johnny.

1:05:42 Hey, that was absolutely epic. Epic, maybe I've overexaggerated there, but it was so enjoyable just to, just to, no, actually, do you know what the truth is? It's the truth. It was bloody uncomfortable in parts because Joe was talking about wearing white and what to wear on a date. And I'm thinking, oh my gosh, I've sat here wearing white. What have I worn on dates? So actually, truth be known, that was pretty uncomfortable in parts. But it was, as always, I try to be as honest and open as possible to get the best out of these conversations. So wherever you're at, right? Relationships are vital.

1:06:21 You know, dating is pretty tricky if you let it be. I can't say I'm an expert in it, but I'm working on it, making sure that I'm going out and enjoying time with women. Not that I want to end up in bed with them all or leave people on a merry dance, but just to enjoy the company of awesome women to build my confidence in that area. And if you're in a relationship, then make that the same game. Like rebuild your confidence in that relationship. Go out on dates and have an absolute laugh with your wife, your partner. Go and do things that you haven't done in a while. Really challenge yourself to transform either your dating experience or to transform your relationship.

1:07:03 And I guess, given the context of today, it starts with wearing some decent clothes and don't be that dude in the Tesco's in the liddle rather with his scratty tracksuit on. He really did look awful. Thanks for listening. Make sure you subscribe. Leave us a review over at Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcast from. And I look forward to seeing you on the next Team Super Dad podcast. Team Super Dad out. Bye. This has been Team Super Dad. Find us at teamsuperdad.com.