Is Nice Guy Syndrome Killing Your Marriage?

00:00 We're going to look at something called Nice Guy Syndrome and help you realise, work out decipher whether nice guy syndrome is killing your relationship. Welcome to The Jonnie Jensen Show where modern dads discover how to create the true riches relationships and results they deserve get your high value man blueprint and join our community at HighValueManProject.com Let's go! Hello men, welcome to The Jonnie Jensen Show. It's great to have you here on this latest episode where we're going to look at something called Nice Guy Syndrome and help you realise work out decipher whether nice guy syndrome is killing your relationship

00:49 My name is Jonnie Jensen. If you've not been here before, I'm the founder and creator of The Founder & Creator that's the same thing! I am the founder and head coach at The High Value Man Project where high value midlife men come to create true riches relationships and Results They Deserve. It's about living the life that you want, not a life that you feel stuck in. And Nice Guy Syndrome is such a core element to high value man lifestyle versus the opposite which is in this conversation being stuck in a relationship that doesn't work. Being stuck in a loveless sexless relationship that is dragging you down

01:33 Being in a relationship where you fail to even hold hands let alone have sex on a regular basis like what's it gonna take for that relationship to either break Completely or you break completely, or even your wife break completely. Right? It's a shocking state of affairs the number of people that end up in divorce on an even worse day with how many men ended up taking their own lives through suicide. You know I'm not suggesting let's be really clear upfront that people should stay in broken relationships but the work it takes to start over to

02:13 Go through the divorce, to date someone and to rebuild your life. To date someone... to find someone will even date you let alone date someone then go out on a date it'd be rubbish then gotta find another one it worked out okay for couple of months then you realize it doesn't and you gotta start again like there's parts that which indeed can and should be fun but blimey is hard work let alone juggling your new life Being a single dad, the finances all of it. If you put the amount of work it's gonna take to create this new life to find someone new into an existing relationship as long as that relationship wasn't fundamentally broken and we can talk about that probably on different episode but as long as the relationship wasn't fundamentally broken repairing should be easier more rewarding

03:06 Then try to go out there and find another one to start with. Discovering this thing called nice guy syndrome was an incredible breakthrough for me on my journey, to being the man i am today on my journey discovering putting together the high value man project and quite honestly in simple terms Create in the relationship I've got it is wonderful. I feel blessed, I don't take it for granted but have fun. I feel supported we talk we don't argue there's no subject that can be brought up and we have a lot of fun together

03:47 We have plans to look forward to, we got memories to look back on. Our time is split evenly between her friends and my friends like it's not contrived it's just the kind of relationship that we've created and that is born out of a high value set of principles of me taking control of myself. Of course she's a great woman A huge amount of this is testimony to how she is in the relationship coming out the back of a 23 year relationship marriage that was a bit difficult, shall we say the least. You know, we're both in a position to want better things from it from a relationship but nonetheless understanding what Nice Guy Syndrome is and the impact its having on your relationship is absolutely vital The book No More Mr Nice Guy is written by Dr Robert Glover Top bloke met him a couple of times

04:40 You will have seen him on lots of podcasts, videos. Bald headed guy but he's got a little goatee probably looks a little bit like me really like every peanut shaped head guy does Dr Robert Glover sorry if you don't think your head looks like a peanut mind I'm getting myself in a hole here anyway his videos are great and he's a top guy So this is my experience and interpretation of the book right yours may be slightly different but fundamentally let me say up front it's not about being a bad boy. You know, they treat them mean keep them keen it's not about that lets be very very clear Nice Guy Syndrome is very much about being the kind of considerate man its about living in fear of losing love right

05:30 It comes from A background of fear and rejection. Particularly if I talk about myself, right? When my mum died when I was a kid my relationships with my dad were great on the one hand but then all of sudden we didn't really see him that much where we'd been seeing him all the time and he was up there in hospital with her and then when she died it was a big upset naturally and then here he was you know remarried again within a year The Jonnie Jensen Show,

06:21 In terms of asking someone out i would either i would not ask the person i wanted to help. So that could be what are doing now is avoiding a rejection of being told no or the rejection of being dumped somewhere down the line so then i'd go out with someone like light, Respect to all the women I've been out with, but perhaps wasn't the one that i wanted to be with. So then the relationship would be a bit bumpy which would kind of give it a reason to not work or be like justified but then bizarrely inside of that relationship I would be like the over pleaser trying always to do nice things um saying yes to lots of things doing everything I could to keep her happy staying inside relationships so we didn't

07:06 Or being heartbroken or clinging on, being needy inside a relationship that didn't really work and then being heartbroken after the relationship broke down. They are all classic symptoms or examples of Nice Guy Syndrome What you realize out of this is that it's a way of being as a result of something that happened most common right? Could be upbringing could be circumstances like mine but inside of that relationship You could look at your own relationship if it's not going that well, if it feels like you're drifting apart. If it feels like the level of attraction from her in particular towards you is drifting. If you feel like you're not getting the attention you want from holding hands to having sex then you may want to look how your showing up

08:00 Level of attraction that she feels towards you isn't always gonna be driven by how many nice things do for her in fact if you keep giving giving giving. Then there's something i read from a different book called competition anxiety what is it, you being there for hundred percent and every single second of every moment is given she got nothing to lose She can talk to you how she wants, she can treat you how she wants. She could be as demanding as she wants, she could withhold as much as she wants and your gonna keep like a little dog keep coming coming coming hoping if you do more that it will reverse and go back the other way this is nice guy syndrome You need to put down some markers in the relationship that show that you've got other stuff going on Show that your not always gonna say yes And again its to be clear its no about bad boy thing

08:57 What are you up to? How fit and healthy do you look, are you going off the gym. It's not just about being fit it's about you going off the gym oh well who is gonna be there how they looking who is he gonna meet with what if any other women there start to sow the seed of am I doing what I need to do to keep this man That's just a healthy dynamic inside of a relationship, a level of frisson tension like sexual energy between the two of you. The way that you talk to each other being able to have the confidence to say what you want to say I don't mean just blurt it all out onto someone but being able to talk to them in a way that conversation can flow both ways. Being able to express your needs in ways that do not come across as you do this or you don't do that or you need more this

09:50 When you're expressing it as I feel like or my goals out of this would be, or what i would like to create for us. It starts to become much more First person centered experience where she gets to get you and then if you can ask that back of her, then you get to get her. This is the core tenets of the relationship reset conversation If you're going through some relationship struggles and you want a really fantastic tool that I've created as part of High Value Man Then if you comment hashtag reset on this feed or message me Then I'll give access to the reset conversation

10:31 Would you have to be out of half that level of communication between the two of you it can't be all one way. Expectations as well this is what i would do everything if I do these things, i will then my expectation is that surely work get better when the expectation is not met expectations itself a pretty Can be quite toxic but for you individually when the expectations i'll do all this and I'l get that, what is it man its a knock back its like knocks you down deeper lower less of a man than you want to be. And when your when thats happening and when your not having any intimacy in your relationship basically feeling completely emasculated like you had your bollocks ripped off and when that sets in it will impact

11:23 Your work, it will impact your social life. It will impact the way that you The habits and routines that you get into. You may start drinking more, you may start watching more porn, you may start obviously like going to bed's not gonna be that comfortable so you're probably gonna sleep less all these things are gonna start to eat away at you and make you less of a man both in the way that feel when experience yourself let alone the performance and output of your efforts And so you do go further and further down which makes you less and less attractive which makes your relationship more and more doomed It's brutal but it's not necessarily about her now it might be that you married a complete nightmare and is about her, would you can't make that decision until you worked on yourself because you don't know what she chosen to avoid loads of red flags in the run up this book. We'll talk about red flags another episode which you gotta work on yourself first so that you can go back and get the experience for

12:28 If it's a relationship you want to save or repair of course even if the relationship is over isn't savable and who you need to be to move forward to build the new life to find the new relationship is exactly this person. It's a high value man lifestyle person. No one missed the Nice Guy, it's an absolutely incredible book. That's really some of just my experience of it there's a whole bunch more to it but also its only about I'm gonna guess some sort of 300 pages you know? It's about 4 hour audio listen I think...I listened all my books on audio and is transformational

13:09 Your experience from reading it will be your experience what i imagine will show up for you because is what shows up for everyone know that thing that is consistent. Is the how your being in your relationship is part of the problem, you think its part of this solution being a nice guy actually part of the problem and thats why the book no more mr nice guy Is your opportunity to break out of that habit and those way of being, that syndrome and start to create a new life. A new relationship for yourself and your wife hopefully because we don't want to break up families wanna bring families together but if that does happen then giving you the best possible platform to go and create something new I hope this has been a value like let me know

13:54 You can join the High Value Man group by going to jonniejensen.com forward slash group that will get you in there if you comment reset on here if you're trying to fix a relationship do that, If you comment hashtag checklist sorry hashtag man then I'll get you the high value man U2.0 program this is about you leveling up It's about your experience of life being the best it can possibly be so that you thrive in all areas, so that its like an upward momentum. To whatever degree my science is terrible but its some kind of physics kind of thing like a momentum, its an object in motion stays in motion and if your going on upwards trajectory the likelihood is that will continue. If your going down then likely thats gonna continue as well

14:43 So, like I said the comments that you leave. I would love to know if you're in the group it will be relatively private between us all i'd love to know where you can see the kind of nice guy syndrome? The nice guy habits that you're doing in your relationship and what there is what the impact of that is and if you've read the book What are some Tips and tricks, the things that you put in place. And how did they work for you? I would love to know that and so we can share that amongst us and all get even more value from this incredible book than we've got already! Great to have you here be sure to like, share subscribe to this podcast whether you're watching it on video on YouTube or Facebook or whether you're listening to the audio on your preferred and favorite

15:34 It really is great to have you here and I look forward to seeing you on the next episode of The Jonnie Jensen Show. Cheers, take it easy! Thanks for tuning in to The Jonnie Jensen Show be sure to subscribe leave a review and share it with fellow dads creating the life you deserve starts with you get your high value man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dad at HighValueManProject.com let's go