How to Keep the Love & Passion Alive in Your Relationship

00:00 Keeping the love and passion alive in your relationship. Hell yeah. Relationships, they have their ups and downs. That's normal. And the key to staying happy, fulfilled and connected is being true to yourself and doing the high value man work. Roll theme. Welcome to the Johnny Jensen show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches, relationships and results they deserve. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community at highvalue manproject.com. Let's go. Hello man, welcome to the Johnny Jensen show.

00:41 It is the International Day of Love and I am here to help you, to guide you, to share my wisdom, which we'll have a laugh about as well, but to share my wisdom on all things love and relationships. If you are here for the first time, welcome. My name is Johnny Jensen. That's my show, of course. And I am the founder and head coach of the High Value Man Project. We are a community, a program for modern dads. Dads who want to create the success they have at work, at home as well, so that they can feel like the man and dad that they want to be. So they can have the relationships with their wife, with their children, as well as maintaining their own life, their friendships, their hobbies, their interests, having fun and living the family life, the business life, having it all.

01:30 And that's what it's all about here inside the High Value Man Project. Too many of us simply struggle along not having that and wondering where it all went wrong. And relationships, marriage, whichever you're in is no different. If you are, before we get into all that, if you want to know more about everything we do here at the High Value Man Project, then the best thing you could possibly do is get yourself over to the High Value Man Project or just simply highvalue manproject.com forward slash group. That'll get you into our entry level, our complimentary community called the Brotherhood. The U2.0 program is in there. There's lots of chat in all these different areas of the fire code.

02:08 That's looking after yourself, being the best version of yourself, managing your business and your money, making an impact in the world. And then your relationships, the key relationships that matter to you, the Diamond Alliance, your wife or partner, your kids, your family and friends. And of course, your mentors and network as well. Those four key sets of relationships. And then finally, last but not least, probably more important than anything, is are you having enough fun? Are you enjoying this thing, this gift called life? 80 odd years or so around this rock, if you're lucky. Did you have fun? Because if you didn't, what is the point? Success without happiness. Is that really success?

02:49 Relationship without happiness. Is that really success? So yes, it is the International Day of Love. And don't worry, whatever time of year you're listening to this, it is very, very relevant. Too many people have the idea of love completely wrong, completely upside down. I can say that from experience because I most definitely did. Am I the guru? Am I the love doctor? No. Do I have a thriving, happy relationship? I do. Do I take it for granted? Absolutely not. Do I put a lot of work into it?

03:27 I'd like to think so. And four years, actually, today is our anniversary, first date anniversary. We've pretty much decided there's not a chance we're doing the marriage thing. We're not saying never, but having been both married and both divorced, I've also been to two of my dad's weddings, which I think that that is no, unless you're in a culture where weddings are a regular thing, right? No kid should go to two of their dad's weddings, surely. And my sister, blimey, she's been to three. You'll have to ask her about that. I think she is scarred a little bit, but don't worry, she'll sort it out in therapy, just like the rest of us had to.

04:08 Now, I've made myself some notes here. You know, some podcasts, some lives, I'm sure you watch them. They're very slick. They're all, I don't, it's not like they're scripted because that wouldn't be fair on them, but they've got multiple cameras and the production. And I don't really do the post-production thing. You know, I give it some tweaks. So if you're listening on the podcast, then hopefully you are hearing as best an audio as possible. But other than that, I don't really do much to this. But what that does mean is that the preparation has been done. There are notes and sections, things I want to talk about. I love to talk though. So quite honestly, sometimes I get to the end and I think I've literally not covered anything I prepared.

04:53 So what was the point in spending half an hour getting ready for it or even longer sometimes? Today has... has actually been a little bit longer. There's a lot of things that I wanted to say, wanted to get across to this. And I've called it, what have I called it? How to keep the love and passion alive in your relationship. Because fundamentally, that's what is the most important thing. You know, there's a lot of sort of pseudo-negative aspects to this about relationships that aren't working, about going through divorce, about getting over divorce, about, you know, about, you know, should you stay in a broken relationship or not?

05:31 No, is clearly the answer. Is marriage a sensible concept in 2025, 26, 27, whenever you're listening to this? No, probably not in the way that it's currently constructed. Is someone told me a good friend, someone I trust and value, but nonetheless, he is a pastor. And so he would naturally have the opinion that living in sin, aka being in a relationship, having sex with someone when you're not married is sinful, is wrong. I'm not sure I'm totally on board with that either, with my view and perspective on love and marriage and faith.

06:10 But what I do know, regardless of where you find yourself falling in amongst all those different positions, is that what I do know is that having a successful, happy, laughter-filled, passionate relationship with someone who you feel connected to, someone who gets you, someone who fundamentally, when you know the chips are down, is going to be there for you, is an incredible thing. It's a wonderful thing. It gives you an extra, I don't know, like an extra level of joy for life, an extra sense of power, an extra layer of willingness to keep going. Like there's something else, there's someone else out there in the world that

06:56 what you do matters for. And I guess our kids very much fall into that. But you know, our love for our kids is generally a given. And how do we know that? Well, we know that because kids can get up to all sorts of crap and we still love them. You know, what's that expression I've heard? You might not like your kids, but you're always going to love them. And I think that's probably true. Thankfully, right now, I still love and like both my kids at this moment in time. But if you're listening, guys, be good or else. Okay. I think my dad used to be told when we were kids, if you're not good, we're going to send you to a boarding school.

07:37 The parents still threaten their kids with that. I don't know. I haven't threatened my kids with that. Seemingly right now, the worst thing, you know, worse than death, you can threaten your kids with taking their mobile phone off them. But that's a completely different story. I love my kids, but this is about the kind of love that you have for that significant other, for your wife or your partner. I hate the, I hate partner. Joe and I don't do the whole partner thing. She's my girlfriend. I adore her. She's going to stay that way. And you know what? Maybe here's, I hadn't really thought about saying this, but maybe the attitude and intention that we have towards someone that we call our girlfriend, before we tie the knot, before we're committed forever, before we're like till death do us part, the kind of energy that we

08:26 put into our relationship as girlfriend, maybe, maybe that's the kind of essence, the kind of intentionality, the kind of frision, the energy, the passion that should be kept alive when someone may not be committed to you. So actually, before I get started, a little story. And although this is a story from this week, it's a story that I've told before and I and I could tell many times again into the future because I've heard it on the touchline at my kids' football matches. And I've heard women, you know, that's generally the dads, right? When I'm standing there with the dads, and I've heard women talking about it in office situations or old, you know, girl mates talking about their partners.

09:14 And if you find yourself doing this, then I want to pull you up on it. I want to hold you to account. And it's when you hear someone talking about their relationship in very disparaging terms. Something like, oh yeah, well, he can't, you know, he's not going to do anything for Valentine's Day. Oh, no. Well, they talk about their sex life. They're like, oh, yeah, as if that chance would be a fine thing. They talk about the kind of, I don't know, like what they get up to. Oh, well, he's not bothered. Or, oh, well, she just nags me. Oh, she never, you know, she's, she's not interested in that anymore. You know, she never comes near me. Like, no, like when you get to the point where your relationship.

09:54 where you're able to speak to it like some dirty old car that you really couldn't care less whether someone dings the side of it or not then how dare you quite honestly and on both sides someone should call uh call a timeout someone should be like there is a problem here how dare we allow ourselves to talk about our relationship in in in that way because the experience we have when we're in a relationship when we're committed to the person we've married it's not a uh a prison sentence

10:32 flipping heck it's not something that we're supposed to suffer and struggle with being in love with someone being in a committed relationship you know it should be a joyous experience now will there be ups and downs absolutely is it your job to see them through 100 you know you can't just go dumping someone the moment something goes wrong or chucking the blame on them simply because you know you're not happy you know inside of the relationship reset which is one of the high value man tools and if you want it you can just go to highvalumanproject.com forward slash reset or comment reset wherever you're watching or listening and i'll make sure that you get that but

11:16 i've lost my train of thought but um anyway the level of the level of passion and enthusiasm you have for your relationship should be precious you shouldn't allow it to become like stale because the experience that we have in life is that life should be joyous is that we should feel like someone's that we've got each other's back i'm annoyed that i've lost my train of thought there that's what happens when you when you wander off track from the from the from the from the notes but yeah where i was getting at is if you if your relationship is is basically uh if you're going to score it out of 10 and you're currently putting it around a four or five then flipping hell uh it shouldn't be that way and even if it's not even if what i'm going to share with you now even if your relationship feels like oh it's good it's it's good it's it's better than most

12:09 people's but is that enough right the question going back to my notes is going to really gonna help is male menopause a thing why can't i remember as much stuff as i used to be able to some would say i never had a very good memory but am i the man she wants to be with or the one that she stuck with because that kind of thought can go around a man's head too often but but not that particular question it's flipped the other way like is you know you know am i am i with the right woman wouldn't it be nice

12:47 if she was better right but you can't change her what's what's going to create a change a shift in her is who you're being is in the way that you're showing up right valentine's day tonight there will be in restaurants around the world couples sat there looking at each other maybe even looking at their phones without a word to say it's going to be the most expensive shit night since 12 months ago basically don't be that couple it's about you stepping up and demanding more of yourself inside the relationship as the man right and by the way you know we'll get into um you know being the nice guy

13:37 it's not about you constantly giving giving giving and hoping and expecting something to be better right so let's get into this okay um the wake-up call right what does your relationship look like right statements like i just don't feel connected to you anymore you're on you know like that's not healthy um or i wish things were different or looking at other couples even um you know inside of the relationship reset there's an aspect of it which is reminding each other sharing with each other what your hopes and dreams your goals and ambitions your values your you know what you love about this relationship what frustrates you about this relationship getting it all out on

14:26 the table so that you can see exactly where each of you is at if you don't know what your other half wants then oh my gosh how on earth do you expect to help her have a fulfilled life if she can't accurately say what she thinks that you want out of life how on earth is she supposed to support you and help you create a fulfilled joyous passionate life it's just not possible possible and yet if we haven't had those conversations the likelihood of us guessing it or remembering it are probably uh pretty slim and as as as random analogies go and they're quite often sporting with me or you know if you've got a car a race car going round and round the track and they go in for a pit stop and the pit crew haven't got a clue what to do

15:12 It's not going to work. The car's going to go back out. It's going to go around another 10 times. It's going to come back in and say, something's wrong. I don't know what it is. Well, we haven't got a clue either. Let me wipe the windscreen and pump up the tires and you go back out again. Let's hope things get better. It's just not going to work. And that disconnection, if we stick with that analogy of going round and round, doing 100 more laps, coming back in, having a pit stop, hoping something's going to fix it, a holiday, another kid, a night out for Valentine's Day. It's not going to be what fixes it. Relationships, for your relationship to work, you as the man need to be the leader in that relationship. You need to show up in that relationship as the man who's in control of his own life, right?

15:54 As someone who's fit and strong. I am aching today because I increased my dumbbells in the gym yesterday to 15 kilograms of KGs. I've never really done it with those ones before. But today I'm aching, but I'm not ripped. I'm not massive, but I'm still bigger and stronger than I've ever been before in my life. Looking after myself helps me show up in my relationship as someone that she wants to be with. Someone that she's attracted to, someone that she's excited by the fact that I'm out there doing other things, making myself attractive, not just to her, but to whoever else.

16:31 Not because I want to go and get anyone else, but there's a level of jeopardy there and a level of, there's like a reason for them to be interested, for her to be interested in me. Are you making your other half interested in you? Are you reading stuff? Are you going out? Are you meeting people? Are you interesting? When you sit down to talk, have you got anything to talk about? Or are you just watching sports news and flipping live news? And like, who wants to talk about the news? Seriously. We want to talk about things that are funny, things that you've discovered, things that you've spangled your mind because you've just found out about it. And then impact.

17:14 Like, if we're working through the fire code here, impact. Like, how are you, how are you, like, mastering the relationship between yourself? Like, are you leading in that relationship? When it comes to where are you going to go for dinner? Do you just say, oh, I don't mind? When it comes to talking about what you're going to watch at the cinema, oh, I don't mind. You decide. Like, how many times are you going to, like, if you're, if you're that person, if you're responding like that, then you are not showing up. You're not making an impact in, as we're talking about here, how the fire code manifests inside of a relationship.

17:55 You're not showing up as the leader. And if you keep giving that space away, she's going to keep, she's going to feel the need. She's going to be required to fill that space. And if you've been in a relationship for a long time and you've conceded that space for years and now you feel like she doesn't listen to you, you're controlled. You're like, it's like you can't even go to the shops without getting bollocked for bringing the wrong stuff home. Like, no. You conceded that space over time. It's for you to start to show up. It's for you to declare a reset. And then inside the relationship, okay, like, how's the relationship being managed? Are you making time for each other?

18:40 Are you committing to date nights? Are you actually communicating in an effective way? When she talks to you, are you preparing yourself simply to respond, to disagree, to defend yourself, to whatever it might be? Or are you actually sitting there noticing her body language, noticing what she's doing with her hands? Whether is she open and alive? Is she concerned and maybe slightly anxious? Is this a difficult subject or an exciting subject for her? How present are you with her when she's talking? Because whether you, well, whether you realize it or not, that's the very point of this is that you don't realize it.

19:23 Okay. But her experience will be that you're not really concentrating, that you're not really getting her. And if you're honest, because we'll always say, yeah, I am, yeah, I am. But if you're honest, at the level I've just said, you're not. And then energy, the E in the fire code. Are you bringing fun and adventure into the relationship? like to what degree are you creating the surprises to what degree are you choosing concert tickets or where you're going to go out to eat and it's not all about splashing the money you know like i said the idea of going out on valentine's day is a horrific basic idea but what else are you up to

20:05 are you leaving a note in her shoe so when she goes to put her her shoes on she finds this note from you are you putting some music on and not just music that you want like actually picking some music that means something to the two of you that you can have a joke about a dance around to are you surprising her with tickets to something it doesn't always have to be a gift either it's like guess what we're going to go here i've got the tickets brilliant make sure you've like make sure it's in our diaries your diary and your friendships are you showing up in her friendships are you making yourself available so that it's not just like oh you're going out your mates i won't come like having her friends know that you're a

20:52 fun that you're a good guy that you're like you're worth hanging out with i don't mean like you have to go out with them every time but don't always be that guy that just says oh no you go out your friends so how do we make all this happen right i've got a list of of things here which i've worked my way through okay and these are some of the things that i consciously do and bring into our relationship okay and we've talked about a number of them already okay active listening we've talked about that quality time right not you know it's it is making sure that you that you're leading in in in making these plans but then what does quality time look like quality time looks like

21:33 in the mornings you know being awake enough or present enough to be able to have two minutes whether you're just dropping off a cupper for them and giving them a kiss and saying i'll see you later on um when you get in from work are you just bowling in with the stresses of the day and dumping it all on the table and like what's that like imagine you're coming home every night and you're being like that and the same goes for her what if she's bowling in and the first time you've seen them all day and it's like every day it's like oh mannership day oh it's all this crap oh it just like unload like

22:14 be conscious of that if you were if you were meeting someone imagine you had a new friend and every time you went and saw that new friend for the first few months that you've met them right or maybe it was a new housemate and then the first every time you saw them they told you how shit their day had been i mean would you look forward to seeing that person not in any way would you be looking forward to seeing that person compose yourself as you before you walk in through that front door like right what what are some of the good things that have happened today or even if they were bad like what were some of the funny parts of what went wrong today that i could share

22:51 um and then the little things right small dat small daily acts of appreciation it doesn't take much to notice that someone has done you know it cuts both ways as well whether they've done something nice right and you know you might laugh and think oh flip a neck johnny but like if it is the dishwasher if it is the washing up if it is hoovering like chucking a uh an old pot of flowers that are dying away washing the washing the recycling bin like putting the clean clothes back in the cupboards cleaning the toilet um

23:36 noticing that that she's had her hair done like these are all such clichéd things it would seem but doing them takes such a little amount of energy making the effort to say to someone i really like it when you do that thank you like looking them in the eye and like actually making it a moment so that they get your words coming to them and then playfulness like keeping the playfulness alive laughter flirting spontaneity this is what makes a relationship work in the early days this is what makes a relationship exciting

24:18 why would someone want to have sex with you if you're boring miserable never help out um never say thank you don't bring the fun like what like who like how do you possibly expect her to have any kind of passion towards you And then, as I said before, in impact of the fire code, leading in the relationship, okay, take charge, be the man. Like, I'm not saying like, we're doing this or else, but like, have that plan. Allow her to have an opinion, but have that plan.

24:55 Be bold, be chivalrous. You know, Disney movies didn't teach us entirely that well how to manage a relationship, that's for sure. Because all the women in the world aren't damsels in distress. You know, they don't want to be saved. But they do want you to show up strong, confident, exciting. A little bit of something about you, something that they could get excited about, something that they could feel a little bit of sexual energy towards. Are you making yourself that way?

25:37 You know, and it's important to state at this time that if you were doing this stuff and she's not doing it in response, if she's not meeting you halfway, then something probably is wrong in the relationship. Subject to her age, it could be that you've got young kids and she's just flipping exhausted. It could be that she's perimenopausal or menopausal and there's a lot going on for her that actually makes it quite difficult for her to feel happy about herself, let alone passionate or engaged with you. But it's not to batter each other over the heads with, it's to understand each other.

26:14 It's because at the level of getting each other, there is connection as well, where you might otherwise find arguments and tension and frustration, blame, resentment, boredom. Like if you can bring to the table, first of all, a beginner's mind, like how would I talk to this person if we were just starting out in a relationship or if it was year one, not year 15? Compassion. Like, am I really getting her? Am I really hearing where she's at? Have I even asked her that? Creating a new chapter. What would it look like if we had a reset here? What would a complete

26:59 pit stop? New tires, fresh paint, like refuel the tanks. Like, what would it look like if we created a reset here? In a way, that is leadership as well. And if you've done that, right, that means that you have shown up for yourself with the courage to have that conversation. A lot of men inside of relationships, where they're bottling these things up, where they try and have the conversation, they don't get the response. And instead of actually addressing that as, okay, well, we've tried and we didn't have the conversation. Okay, that's leading to a problem. What are my next steps going to be? I did this myself. I've done this myself. You feel more and more withdrawn inside the relationship to the point where you think, I can't say anything.

27:42 I can't do anything. And so you just detach or you stay at work later or you do fewer and fewer nice things. And then when it does erupt, the argument does come over something minor like, how come you're five minutes late? Boom. And then all empathy and understanding is out the window because it's now not about all those things. It's about the argument that you're having. And that's bollocks. That's how men find themselves on the receiving end of, oh, he's a bad man. Well, okay, maybe they shouldn't have had an argument, but maybe he's deeply frustrated about what's been going on for the last six months, six years.

28:27 But in every situation, the only way that a man, a high value man, can come out on top in this regard is to see the bigger picture, is to create that relationship that he wants to be part of, is to have the bollocks if things really aren't working out, to create, you know, the conversation. And if that conversation doesn't go well and it doesn't go well two or three times, to be able to say, okay, it looks to me like this chapter's over. It looks to me like we might need to sensibly find a way to break up and move on. Because love, love has to have some jeopardy. There has to be an element of keeping things on the boil, keeping things worthwhile, keeping things exciting.

29:17 Love to me is a living organism. If you don't feed it and nurture it and appreciate it and tickle it, then it's quickly going to fade and die. Did you hear my voice go a little bit deep and serious there? I did feel that though, as I was saying it. It felt really real. It felt really real. So I hope this has been a value. I could talk about it for ages. I don't know if I've, if I've made sense. Normally when I listen to it to it back, when I'm doing the editing, I'm like, okay, that went quite well. I did make a lot of sense there. Make your relationship important. Create that quality time. Date night. A night away once every 12 weeks.

29:58 A weekend away once every, you know, sort of twice a year, ideally more, you know, and certainly at least once a year. A, you know, a mini honeymoon, a five night or seven night trip away, just the two of you. I realize money might be a factor for some people, hopefully not for everybody. But literally, your happiness starts with you. And then your happiness is impacted by the strength of the relationship that you're having with the person that you love most. And then the success of the people around you and your business and everything you do, the motivation that you've got for everything else is fueled by that. A broken relationship will drag you down very, very quickly. So don't let it be that way.

30:42 Whether you're listening to this tonight on Valentine's weekend or another time later on in the year, I'd love to hear from you about how you keep your relationship alive. I'd love to hear from you if you're struggling and want some insights and tips on like, well, this is what's going on. How could I make a difference there? Like I said, if you comment, reset or go to highvalumanproject.com forward slash reset, you can get yourself the relationship reset conversation. It's a powerful tool to really reconnect and reset things. And if you are the kind of man that wants to level up, take control and lead in his life so he can feel like the man and dad that he wants to be, then get yourself over to the high value man group, to our open community at the Brotherhood.

31:31 So go to highvalumanproject.com forward slash group. That would get you in on our entry level. And finally, before I go, and I probably should have said this earlier, I've started something new to help increase the number of reviews on the Johnny Jensen show. Each week, assuming I get at least more than one each week, we'll be doing the review of the week. And I feel like I'm setting myself up for a fall here. You can't do a review of the week unless you get any reviews. But that's why I'm doing this. The best reviews, we will be offered a one-hour power code call with myself.

32:10 They have a value of £150. I've got people booking and spending that with me to have these calls. So I will be doing a review of the week. And if there's none, it might end up being review of the month. But rest assured, the quality reviews, and you can still be honest, right? Don't give a shit one if you want. It's still better than no reviews. It tells the algorithm at least someone's listening. The best reviews of the month will be offered a complimentary power call as a reward and incentive for doing that. It's been my absolute pleasure to be here with you for this episode. Feel free, please share this with other men in your life and

32:51 subscribe to the channel, whether that's the podcast, to the YouTube channel, or over there on Apple Podcasts. I look forward to seeing you on the next episode. Take it easy. Bye. Thanks for tuning in to the Johnny Jensen show. Be sure to subscribe, leave a review and share it with fellow dads. Creating the life you deserve starts with you. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvalumanproject.com. Let's go.