Going For Gold - The Wrap Up #47

00:00 Hey dads, welcome back. This is the wrap-up. After a week of Olympic fun, summer holiday shenanigans and outdoor drinking. Glenn and Johnny of Team Superdad are here to sort out the world so you don't have to roll theme. Welcome to Team Super Dad. Real dads creating their best lives ever. More time, more money, more fun. You are not alone. You're on Team Super Dad. Welcome. Aside from the technical issues, which means we've got no idea what's going on, this is the Team Super Dad podcast, the wrap-up.

00:43 It's the celebration of the end of our week. If you're live, you can see myself there on the stream. And if you're listening on the podcast, well, it's great to have you in. Have us in your ears. Glenn, good to see you. Good to be seen and once again in person in Casa del Ochcor in this glorious of summer days. And it was been a shit date weather-wise. So yeah, good to have you here. Yeah, I'm feeling as weird as I did last week. No, two weeks ago, where we sat opposite each other. I don't know whether to look at the mixing desk, the screen or the microphone, particularly as I've no idea why my laptop is going so slow and yours is.

01:26 Well, we've had amazing luck with technology today and it's all worked smoothly. From the second you arrived, it took about five seconds to put together and everything was in place and in play. I don't know what the problem is. Yeah, that's the picture we're painting. Let's not draw the curtain back. Yeah. Draw the curtain back. And it's just like Wizard of Oz. No, I'm thinking worse than that. I'm thinking Rodney, Delboy and Grandad. What, this one, Delboy? And then the entire microphone dropping from the ceiling at one point. Down comes the whole chandelier. Well, you are here with us on the Team Super Dad wrap-up. This is our weekly jaunt through everything that's been going on the last seven days.

02:11 And since we moved it to Monday, that now includes our weekend, which for me, Glenn, was, yeah, I had a hangover Sunday morning. Well, that means you had a good Saturday night, sure. Yes. I'm going to explain exactly why I had a hangover shortly, but it was linked to when you go to one of those events and they make you buy tickets. Yeah. But you use that ticket. That's usually how you get into an event. No, no, no, but not to get in. You buy tickets to buy drinks. So it becomes technically a private party and they're not selling alcohol.

02:47 I believe it's something like that. Yeah, we've done that before. We've had the, yeah, you pay a pound for membership and then you get a pound off each your first ticket and then tickets allow you to swap them for beers just so that everyone has the right amount of beer. That's how you get around that rule. I know, but where it went wrong for me was at the last orders when I realized I had three tickets left. And how many was one drink one ticket? Well, I'm going to leave it dangling there and just let our listeners hold on for the end of that story. But yeah, suffice to say, the last three tickets led me down a bit of a, led me down a little bit of a hole, which it took me until Sunday afternoon to crawl out. Oh, good Lord, man. You need to get your liver work. I know, I'm a bit of a lightweight

03:30 with the booze, basically. But it's the summer holidays over here in the UK. Don't I know it? I've been trying to keep the kids occupied. Well, I've had to do far more work than I expected. Last week, last time I was off way, I had to work every day. And so far, it's Monday, but I had to do one and a half meetings today. So I'm not too pleased about it. But that was around a trip to IKEA. Now, I went to IKEA to get some new plates, Johnny. Just some new plates, just plates. Just plates, because my kids, you know, you end up, you get a set of plates and one of them gets smashed. None of them get smashed. So you think, okay, well, I've got another set of plates. Then before you know it, you've got three or four set of plates. All of them are mismatched. None of them fit properly. It's rubbish. I thought, let's just go out and get some plates. How much do you think I spent in Ikea when I was trying to buy some plates?

04:13 Yeah, well, plus people need to know, were you there with all four children? All four children. All four children. But to be fair, the only unexpected thing that they added was a couple of drinks, some food, and some why out filing cabinet type things. So they weren't the culprits. Okay. And when was the last time you were in IKEA? Because there's a visit to spend ratio type equation here. My house is kitted. I don't need anything. I don't think you can get in and out of IKEA for less than 100 quid. Yeah, you'd be right. How long did you spend in the market bit on the way out?

04:54 Well, we spent far too long. Just on the marketplace alone, we spent £265. Well, four children plus you five. That's almost like 50 quidi. Yeah, yeah. It just adds up. It just needs to. Look at these, Dad. What about... Yeah, and the list is now quite large as well. So I reckon next time it's going to be even worse. I saw a life hack. It said... Go in the catalogue, see what bit you want from IKEA, and then instead of going through the front door, go into the back bit where the sort of warehouse is where they put everything.

05:33 And simply then all you can do is see a bunch of boxes packed up back, you know, and you just go and get what you need and leave. Isn't the life hack to like just buy it on the internet? No, because they don't deliver, do they? No, but I've ordered Amazon stuff before. And yeah, sorry, eBay, not eBay, IKEA, they do deliver. Now they do. But yeah, I don't know what their online shops are like. But I know you can get it from eBay and Amazon and all that sort of chunk. When I lived in Brighton, there was like two things were in Brighton when I lived there that were like ahead of the time, right? Booze Brothers was a

06:11 couple of students slash X students with two transit vans and a couple of lock-ups with beer in. So old school, when they would chuck you out of the pubs at one or clubs at three, then Booze Brothers would come into their own. And then you could call the Booze Brothers and they would turn up in their van. That's genius. And then there's another guy called Mike here. Mike, idiot, right? And he would go to IKEA and get your stuff and then bring it back to Brighton. That's genius. There is always a niche available. I know. I had an idea. It was like it was a food delivery idea and they were going to go to takeaways and pick up food from the takeaways.

06:55 Oh, now that sounds like a good idea. Maybe you could all wear some sort of like aquamarine uniform and go on bikes and stuff like that. This is like 15 years ago. Yeah, I felt bad. My brother came up and he wanted me to invest in coffee delivery. And he's like, bruv, what I'll do is I'll get on a moped and I'll set up outside like an office building and then people will come down and give me their coffee orders and I'll like make it on the spot. I'll have like a coffee machine on the back and I thought that's a stupid idea because it's going to be crap coffee and they'll just either make it at their desk or go to a Starbucks or something. And I'm absolutely certain now that there are little booths that drive around, you know, little tuck-tucks. Yes, tuck-tucks that are just coffee delivery basically. I know. So, so close to being billionaires. So far.

07:39 Yeah. We could have gone to space on a cock. Now there is something that definitely happens in Iraq. Did he know? Yeah. Like when, you know, like, I think this about like Daniel Levy or any topnote, you know, Ernest or any football chairman as well. Like, do they know when someone brings them like next season shirts and their shit? Do they know when the spaceship rocket designer said, Mr. Bezos, the designs are ready? And then they're like laughing, like they're sniggering. You're going to do it as a dare to start. He's not going to do it. Okay,

08:22 let's do the cockrocket. And then we'll get the proper rocket out. And then he's gone for the cock. He likes the shot. We've never got to actually build the cock. I mean, everyone's going to know it's a cock. Yes. Like an actual black that went wrong. Yeah, it's not even, it's not even like, I mean, from a certain angle or something like that. Because it had the whole like bell end. The shaft and the end. Oh, man alive. I mean, yeah, that is, that is, that's going for a prank and giving it some. Either that or the, you know, the human, the cock, the penis has been shaped and formed by either God or evolution

09:03 to be so perfect that you could actually go into space. It's so ergonomically, perfectly designed. Yeah, you reckon that's what it is then. Life has been leading to the cock rocket. That is the ultimate form of life. We're now going to transcend to the next level. I've often thought this about the fanny, right? It's an amazing piece of equipment, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. It can also look very attractive sometimes. And then you can make babies in it. It's multifunctional. Yeah, it's got a bit for fun at the top and a hole for pissing out of and another thing for baby. But then compared to a bloke who can literally stand and have a piss anywhere, it's like the one design floor of the vagina.

09:46 It is, but then it's also balanced out by testicles. They are not well designed. There is no such thing as an attractive ball bag. So, like, you give with one hand and you take it with the other. That's that's how it works, right? So, so women missed out on the standing up for a piss thing, and men missed out on, although we did get the ergonomically rocket chase, yeah, but then go to space on a cock thing. Then you've got the uh, the hot summer day when the ball bag is just it-you don't, it's it's not pleasant, it's not nice down there. So, I think I think it's a tie, it's a tie between the two. But, like I say, who's riding to space on a giant vagina? Nobody is. I think we might have won that one.

10:31 You must have seen uh Spaceballs. Almost everyone seen everyone who matters has seen space balls. I don't know, I don't know how many people, listeners, viewers. I mean, where are you? You can comment, by the way. We've missed out the whole introduction bit on uh, on well, I'm not even going back there now. No, sometimes we go back, and basically, if you're listening or watching and want to know like what Team Superdad's about or how we help equip men to create the best life ever, or or any reminder to share this or subscribe, or any of that. I'm not gonna say any of that, not gonna say any of that. Um, you can go to teamsuperdad.com forward slash group, you'll get in on the inside track, we'll send you stuff, wonderful stuff, and uh, and you, and you truly can be the greatest dad ever.

11:16 Um, but what's uh, what's what's Spaceballs, man? Um, it's all about Melbrook, Melbrook, yeah, he's a comic genius, he is, he's he's one of those like era-defining you can't he is just of himself, it doesn't like nothing else is like him, he just does what he does to perfection and does it over and over and over again. Apparently, uh, because I'm a landmark forum graduate, apparently, um, Blazing Saddles came out around uh the 70s, yeah, as a result of a whole bunch of like Hollywood comedians and actors and stuff doing something that was called Est.

11:56 But this mad bloke who did this personal development program thing called Rice called Werner Earhart, and then uh, and then this other, then this company got formed called Landmark, and basically he they needed to move him out the way because it was alleged that he did something that he shouldn't have done. It's like there's a misdemeanor in there somewhere, allegedly, allegedly, slash allegedly. Um, but apparently, because they all went and did Est, and then a lot of the racial equality kind of message out of Blazing Saddles came out of them all suddenly being enlightened and wanting to do something about it all.

12:36 How that message carried across into Spaceballs, I don't, yeah, it's a bit more farcical, but it is bizarre that Blazing Saddles. There are still people today that when it's on like whatever channel it's on, they have to say, like, this movie contains historically inaccurate stuff, and there's like people saying, Oh, this is racist, of course, it's racist, but like to point out how racism is stupid. It's like it's the most if you're saying it's racist, you're so dumb that you can't see through the characters being racist past it to see how farcle it all is. That's like Nutella having a nut warning on it. Yeah, it really is. Come on, watch the fucking film.

13:20 I love it really. At the beginning, he says, Uh, um, uh, he uh specifically asked for a Negro, uh, my aunt was Dutch. Oh, bloody brilliant! So, so many awesome onliners from that, yeah. Oh, not on the Mel Brooks thing, but we're still moving. Yeah, we are every now and then I'll try and watch classic movies with my kids. I say classics, they're always classics. Um, we watched one this week. I mentioned the other day when my sister was around a movie called Space Camp. In fact, she saw you probably can't see it on the screen, but a list of movies just there. Um, and I go through them and I add them all the time. Movies that I grew up with: Flight of the Navigator, oh, yes, the goonies, compliance, yeah,

14:05 and one of them was this movie called Space Camp. Yes, and hardly anyone knows it, but you can't find it, it's not on Netflix or Prime or it's not anything. But she'd been trying to track it down too. And her husband, as a gift, the year before, had bought it on DVD for her. He like tracked it down, and I showed it to my kids last night. And you know, when you're sitting there watching it, and they were on the edge of their seat, they were absolutely tied up into it within the first sort of 10 minutes or so. It had caught them just like it had me 30 years before. It's so nice to watch when that happens. We've got, yeah, there's some how many families have that kind of movie list? Maybe, maybe, maybe Lowe's. Okay, so we're going to put an everlasting.

14:50 list, a list inside the Team Super Dad group. We will start that. I can see Glenn's list up here. Oh, this is only the next. This is the next few. Yes, I can see it. Well, of course, the kids get older where the movies, movies go as you watch them, you knock them off. So we've knocked off short circuit and Bill and Ted's both excellent adventure. And you're knocking them off the list, but there's still some good ones on there. I liked Weekend at Bernie's. Is that appropriate for kids? No, your kids aren't quite old enough yet, but well, the older two are. Maybe. Yeah, yeah. Weekend the Bernie's is funny. Oh, but then you're getting into all the John John Hughes lists.

15:30 Yeah, that's another whole genre that you'll get. Well, he's a genre into himself, yeah. So they've seen planes, trains, and automobiles and Uncle Buck and that sort of stuff. So again, these for me are the classics. They're what I watched growing up. Uncle Bucks are 15. How's Uncle Buck a 15? God knows. I don't know either. There's some movies I watch, and then you're thinking, how the hell was I allowed to. I was allowed to watch Police Academy when I was like pre-teen. Oh, yeah. Maybe that was because some of the things went over my head, but like you what there's fully full frontal nudity in it. I can't watch that with my kids. How the hell was I watching it when I was their age? Oh, definitely.

16:12 Well, Blazing Saddles. Yeah. I watched that when I was well young video in the days of VHS. What's it called? Beverly Hills Cop. Yeah. Oh, no, that is great. Again, I feel like that one's got some violence in it, especially the first one was a bit darker, a bit more serious. There's got to be lots of F-bombs in there as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's Eddie Murphy when Eddie Murphy was Eddie Murphy. Eddie Murphy. We've spoken about Raw before for some very funny comedy that hasn't aged well. Check out Raw. Well, in the realms of watching stuff, Glenn, we did mention it's the summary.

16:56 Oh, before we jump into the Olympics, seeing as we're doing this nostalgia wander back through, someone posted Dan Flanagan, who runs Dadless Soul, which is a pretty cool dad's group. He posted a, he does these like Friday Night Battle. Okay. It was holiday TV programmes. Holiday TV programs. Why don't you? I love that movie. That show, yeah. The hairbear bunch. So basically, kids' TV programmes from Britain that you only used to see in like that Ulysses. Ulysses. He had a gun, which was also a lightsaber. Amazing. Yeah.

17:39 But I've still got the song in my head that goes, Ulysses. Something's happening. God, I haven't seen that show in God knows how many decades. Yeah. So his question was: which of these programs like most sum up school holidays for you? But because for anyone who's like not aware that there only used to be three or four channels, yeah. Let's tell you what it was like. My kids don't watch TV. So I grew up, so you'd have Safe by the Bell. That was a big summer one for me. And then Power Rangers was something my brother and sister watched, but they were younger than me. So it was only in the background. But it wasn't quite. I never quite connected with Power Rangers. Yeah, and because I've got seven years on you, I was in flipping black and white.

18:24 No. Clothes, Bill and Ben. No, but no, why don't you? It was great. Yeah. But they're things that you'd watch. You'd have like a schedule when you woke up, sitting there watching it while you're eating your breakfast. Thundercats. And I used to love because Saturday Morning Telling was great for this. And obviously this was kind of extended through the holidays. And where you'd have a cartoon that they'd split into two or three different chunks throughout the entire thing to keep kids watching through the whole episode, through the whole two or three hour show. Yeah. Cunning. Yeah. Yeah. I think I think there was a reason for that. It was to do with advertising and all that sort of stuff, but I didn't care. Quite possibly. Yeah. Which segues neatly into going for gold, which was a quiz show.

19:10 It was hugely popular. And we had that the bloke that was randomly on the Game for a Laugh thing, but the Irish guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, you say, keep talking, and his name will come. Yeah, so the host of Going for Gold. And then that would be like the sort of segue from the morning TV show, a random little quiz thing with participants from all over Europe. And then you'd be off into sons and daughters. Random fact. So who wrote the theme tune for going for gold? The T Design. It's done. is right. We got the wimpo gold. No idea.

19:50 Hans Zimmer. Who's Hans Zimmer? He is one of the great, he's basically John Williams' level of classical composer. I shit you not. Hans Zimmer, multi-time. I think Oscar winning. He is like gold royalty in terms of like soundtrack production. And he wrote the theme tune for going for gold. Now, the full-length version of it is available online as well because you only remember one verse, I'm sure. And he made big cash from this, or this was like a little. I don't know how he did it, or I think it was kind of maybe this was slightly early on in his career.

20:27 I'm guessing. Crazy musicians. Yeah, but you know, if you're going to, that's got that's got more staying power for me than no, but they're there like gaming the system. They're like, I might be a fantastic classical composer and stuff, but I know how to make a quick buck. But it's the audio equivalent of Tom Hardy reading the bedtime story on CBBs. Which he probably has done. Which he has done. And he's done it. And pretty much CBs are on CBBs are onto a winner here because they know the majority of people who watch that are mums and kids. And they know that if the mum hears Tom Hardy is going to be reading the bedtime story, that kid is watching the bloody bedtime story.

21:08 Come on, if Jeff Franc Gladiators was reading it, I'd be subscribing. Jet for the Gladiators. For some reason, my mind flicked as you said that to the blonde-haired woman that was always in club. She was famous for being what? Paris Hilton? No, no, way before her. She was like top row, porn mag, famous. Linda look not no, no, no, no. She wasn't even a porn star. I'd have to ask my scouse mates. The ones who bought magazines on for like porn for the road. Porn for the road. Row porn. Row porn, which I never knew was a thing. Until I went to university and then we stopped to get some petrol and they were like, fags, wrestlers, pornos.

21:51 What are you talking about? I didn't do the justice when I needed to do the accent there, don't I? Hey, hey, fags, wizards, pornos. So yeah, Olympics are on. Yes, yes, they are. I've been watching, I think this is one of the reasons that the kind of catch-up TV is so good. Because in the past, you'd have to stay up and shit time of year. It's Japan. It's not as bad as I thought, but you can watch something like the morning things. I watch the mixed triathlon relay until about 1 a.m. I love the mixed events. I think they are so, so good. But then go to sleep and you wake up next day and you've got all this catch-up stuff going.

22:31 It's amazing. How do like they just, there may have been more noise about the importance of mixed events, or maybe it was just such an obvious thing to do that it didn't make much fuss of it. But did they because there's like 200 different sports events? Yeah. How, if your sports event is not in the Olympics, you are pissed off right now. The squash fraternity are up in arms, personally. I couldn't care much less about squash. Babmington's in, squash is out. What's that about? Yeah, but the thing is, who plays squash? Like, Rich Coke Tuff winner. Rich Coke.

23:11 I'm going to go down to the Maidstone Squash Club on Saturday morning. Yeah, we talk about. We're not weird. Bunch of dudes sniffing coke player squash. Really aggro. But what can have it? I mean, gets up there. Everyone likes the most people go for the athletics. That's what it is, or track and field, track and field. I like almost everything that's not track and field. I mean, I don't like the horse star. Tressage. Yeah, that's weird. Who's really in charge there? Exactly. The horse doing the steppe, steppy, steppy. The horse don't get the medal, so that's not up for me. But all the other random shit. I love the fucking kayaking and sculling and shooting and weightlifting and all the random stuff that isn't just run fast or jump high.

23:57 But when you sign up to do the Olympics, it'd be like a caretaker at a school get getting in a list of things to do for the upcoming parents' evening and just going, what the fuck have you signed me up for? What's the Britain's first ever tennis champ Olympic champion? He didn't even enter. He was in Greece visiting a friend and his friends knew he liked tennis, so he signed him up and promptly won gold medal. Come on. It's true. No, I believe I believe you. And it does make me, it still makes me feel that somewhere out there is a sport that I am fucking world class at, an event of some kind that I just haven't tried yet.

24:38 And I don't know whether it's whether. whether it is archery or shooting or toboggan or something. There's something out there that's gonna try one day, exactly. Cool runnings. I'm gonna try one day. I'm just gonna be world-class at it. I have an ambition, and I don't know how burning an ambition this is because I haven't seemingly thus far in my life put enough effort into make it happen, but to have the national anthem played for me as the winner. As the winner, you're representing your country. Now, I have represented my country once for Aussie Rules, but it was in a friendly rather than as a proper tournament type thing. I was never good enough. Whereas my little brother is really good.

25:20 So when I was president of AFL Britain, we actually sent a team over and he was part of the team we sent to Melbourne to compete for your country. And that's quite a cool thing to do, I think. Yeah. But I've never, yeah, like you say, I've never had it done myself. I'm going to make a tit of myself here. I get emotional when I see the people getting their gold medal. Oh, and the flag goes up. And I've actually had tears in my eyes this week. You can tell when it means something, can't you? You'll get some athletes. They're like, yeah, whatever. Yeah, this is just what I do. And then other athletes, you can just see that's that's it. The BMX in totally. I was going to say the BMX in totally. Yeah, was it Kyle White?

26:02 Yeah, no, so yeah, yeah, the BMX racing. Yeah, Kai White and the Shriver, Shriver, the woman Shriever, yeah, because she's just this was her debut. There is going to be an Eddie the Eagle style movie made about her. Did you hear about her, how she got there? Yeah, and the crowdfunding crowdfund and all this sort of stuff. But Kai White, the guy from Peckham, because I was thinking he's from like that South London or South Frank. So he had a wipeout about a year ago and they had to put him in an induced coma for four days because he had bleeding on the brain. Wow. So he came second in his event, which was flipping awesome anyway.

26:43 And then she wins hers and she caned it so much. I thought he was just picking her up to be like celebrating. He couldn't walk. She goes, I can't walk. I can't walk. And then I loved in the because that was in the BMX. I love BMX being in this as well, by the way. It's absolutely brilliant. So that was in the racing. And then you had the freestyle events. And we won in that as well. She was amazing. Yeah. And again, the guy in that, apparently, he wiped out so badly, like just a few weeks ago, he collapsed an eye socket or something stupid like that. And then on her run, if you haven't watched it, watch it on catch-up because her first foot, they get two runs, highest score over the course of those two runs, wins. And her first run, she attempted this trick that no one in the women's event has ever done before, and she smashed it out.

27:27 She knocked, she fell over, she just wiped out. And then, so most people say, okay, well, let me let me downgrade my thing, at least get a decent score on the board. She didn't fuck it. No, she said, no guts, no glory. Went through, did exactly the same thing, but nailed it this time. And this, you were saying about the American who had done it as well. The British girl wins with a reverse 3C. But just prior to that, after she missed landing it in the first round, the American girl goes and does this epic, epic round. I think 95% or something stupid like that out of 100. And she had to land this never-been-done before trick to know. It's just absolutely brilliant. A 97.5.

28:13 It's a stuff of dreams. It absolutely is. Epic story. And to have the BMXs just go so well for Britain is stunning. I love it. Yeah, I where do all these sports come from? Like you say, the catch-up has been brilliant to actually watch all these random things. Did you see the French bloke, the boxer today, who had a sit-down protest for an hour? I was stuck in Ikea, so I haven't seen anything today. I've had my own sit-down protests. I don't know exactly what happened because to me, that wasn't the funny bit. The funny bit was always looking for the funny bit, right? Always looking for the funny bit. Oh, by the way, Kai White, when they said to him, What can you say about the secret of winning being an Olympic medal winner?

28:57 And he said, Never quit, always have fun. That seems like a really good motto for life. Coming out of a flipping 20-year-old, absolutely brilliant. So the French guy, he gets disqualified in the final for excessive use of the head, basically headbutting. And then as a protest, he did a sit-in on the side of the boxing ring, completely interrupted the rest of the boxing going on. But just after he started his protest, he needed a piss. So he went off and had a piss. piss and then came back and then did his sit-down process.

29:39 Security should have said, like, you know, we're not letting you back in here. That's what I think. I think it, I think it diminished the impact of his sit in. Yeah, piss on the ring. That's exactly that. If you're serious, you'd have wet yourself. No, you'd have done it. He'd have done a Barry Fry and go and piss on all four corners. Yes. For those who don't know about the Barry Fry thing, he used to be the one proper old school English kind of chairman owner. He owned, I think it was Pompey or Paul Peterborough or something. So Barry Fry owned Leighton Orient. Well, he did. I don't know if it was Orient, but essentially he heard of this. They've been doing really rubbish and really, really awful.

30:19 And he heard apparently there was a curse. And the only way to lift the curse was to piss on each of the four corners of the football pitch. And so he did. He took his trousers down, had a little piss, waddled over to another corner, had another little piss, and waddled. And to be fair, they actually did all right after that. And but what in front of 20,000 fans? I think this was he might he might have done it on a on a quiet, quiet Thursday evening. Yeah, okay. Okay. You'd have a bit of stage fright otherwise. Well, I've had a lot of pisses in a lot of places. I've got to be honest, basically, holding the piss in is I've got a bladder the size of a fucking gnat's bollock.

31:00 I just, I don't, my old man can quite happily like go, we'll go to a football match and we'll have four or five pints before we get to the ground, another couple when we get there, two at half time, and he won't need a piss from like start to finish. Whereas I'm like, I need a piss more than once a pint. I think I've got about three quarters of a pine. Pint in, pint out. That's what it is. It's like, how do you, how do you drink so much liquid? Liquid, it doesn't disappear. Where does it go in his bollocks? That's why, that's why old blokes have got big dangly bollocks. They're like a camel sack. God, I just don't understand it. That's why I don't like drinking beer and so much on a night out because it just, you end up just needing the toilet all the time.

31:46 One of my and then trying to do the journey home afterwards. I was about to say, my one of my most, I'm not sure if it was like a triumphant memory or a painful memory, but we went out clubbing in Leeds. And for some reason, rather than on the, because we were going back to Stafford, which is a long way, like a three-hour drive, and we had been clubbing and it was like early hours of the morning. And I was in a slightly different way from our night out. And so in this twisted process of thoughts that I had, I somehow didn't mention that I needed a piss and instead chose to hold on to it the whole bloody hell.

32:24 And it's just, I don't know, to this day, I don't really know why I didn't just say, can we stop? And because I need a piss. But it's horrible. When I was a kid on long car journeys, if I ever said that, my old man, because he was the only one who driving, was like, oh, oh, okay, so I always felt really guilty about it. And it used to really cause me anxiety. So I've made sure my kids, I've just said, look, if you need a pee, tell me. We'll sort it out. We'll get it done. Don't ever feel guilty. Don't ever sort of sit in there in pain and something. Just tell me. Just make sure when you do piss, you get it all out. And then have you ever done a wee in a bottle in a traffic jam?

33:03 Have I? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Fucking lootly. You have to. Because men's trousers aren't designed to get your cock out and piss in a bottle while sat in a driving seat. And also, when you're sitting, everything kind of women won't really realize this, but it kind of your penal area kind of shrinks and moves itself around. So it's a bit comfortable. So you don't have a massive like arm sitting down the side of your trousers the whole time that you can just kind of feed in like a hose. And there's a whole air differential issue going on. And it's actually way more harder than most women think it is. Yes. Although, see, they have a she-wee, which we can stop and just have a piss up a tree, basically.

33:42 Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's always... Don't get me wrong, I'm happy with my apparatus, but I just, there are moments when you think it should be easier than it actually is. When I need to go these days, I need to go. Yeah, about before lockdown, so we were going back about two years ago. I went to the doctors because I was concerned about how it had become when I need to go, I need to go. I looked it up online and said, oh, you might need to get your prostate checked, which actually involves getting a finger up your bum. Not the worst feeling, but it's gotta be done, got me done. So, so yeah, so it turns out I'm fine. And yeah, just and you go back for daily check and get my prostate check now, yeah. But no, I did, yeah, holding a in basically.

34:27 My boy loves a wild wee, so he could. go and do that pissing on the picture. I think he did own Peterborough, actually. Someone asked it was, yeah, he definitely owned Peterborough. And I think that was the club he did it at. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't think I'm ever going to win a gold medal at holding my piss in. It's never going to be one of these things that I'm going to. I've accepted that I'm never, probably never going to win a gold medal at anything. I believe, and my friend Athos and I, we used to, we were good skiers when we were like 10, 11, 12, early teens, that sort of age. And it was around the Eddie Eagle time. So there really wasn't a British C8.

35:11 I was going to say yes, basically. It had to be late 80s, yeah. But it was around that time that if you had a modicum of ability and a determination to see it through, you could find you that you could have done it. So, yeah, it was close. It was like, it was a bit like the food delivery service or all the other ideas I've had and never followed through. And now it's just professionalized, isn't it? If you've not been picked up by the time you're, you know, basically your dad's barely spermed you into your mum as such, then basically you're too late. Well, no, some of these new sports are right, the BNX and stuff, they've been, it's been their hobby and their passion.

35:51 People have been doing it for years and years and years. You can't pick it up. You can't do the Eddie Eagle story anymore. Probably not. Probably not. And all of these people, they've been doing it with corporate sponsorship because that's the only way they can do it. Because the level is just raised up and up and up. That it's not like you can just be an amateur town planner or poet and turn up on the day. No, not on the day. But the BMX girls and the gang have been talking about their crowdfunding and all that jazz. Yeah. Yeah, but the freestyle BMX, she had to emigrate to the US and sort of have competitions over there and absolutely again dedicate her life to it. X games. Yeah. Good lifestyle though. Good lifestyle. So back to my

36:37 weekend adventures. Tell me about your weekend. So it was given that we're now 47, right? You know, and everything that we used to do that was fun and wild and not that raving was necessarily illegal, but they made it bloody illegal so that you couldn't just dance in the field. So Maidstone now has like a festival area in Moat Park. So they've nice. They've got an area fenced off and then all across the summer, each week there's a different event in Moat Park. So this week was the classical Ibiza. So there's a bunch of DJs, not really that well known. I'm guessing these are kind of grown-up festivals rather than family ones.

37:22 This wasn't, Saturdays wasn't a family one, but there have been well in a couple of weeks there's a like a what they call it when the band isn't really the band a fake band cover back tribute back tribute fake that or the rolling bones or Fleetwood hack badness so so it's it's classic classical I betas they got a bunch of average DJs there could have been 10,000 people there this place was so big but there's probably 800 basically and then it was supposed to rain all afternoon nice but by miracle it didn't then it said it is

38:09 covid compliant like airflow the pictures from the last time i did it two years ago there was just this giant tent so it was kind of pre-covid wasn't it yeah pre-covid and so supposed to rain all afternoon get there completely open air not a single place to to to to to to hide by some miracle it didn't rain then you had to buy these tokens to to swap in kind of legal terms for for alcoholic beverages so uh five token five quid for a beer sadly about standard now oh when i was in london the other day seven pound twenty a pint seven pound twenty seven a five pint of oh this was just some some uh ipa just a random and not i'm not talking about some sort of

39:00 rare nectar of the gods craft shit this was just whatever the pub bog standard ipa was yeah now they take a lager make it give it a bit of a a bit of a zingy flavor and call it an ipa yeah so they can charge more and they do but yeah so five pound a pint sounds quite nice oh and a good no actually quite a good beer you know like um whitstable bay i like lager lager, and so they were kind of local craft beers type of thing. So it gets towards the end of the night. So now we've had four pints, which for me is actually quite quite a lot. And we're dancing, and it's fun. Can you just go back there? I misheard you.

39:42 You said, you said, was it 414? No, I have a lightweight. I've always been a lightweight. I can't hide it. I'm not even that ashamed of it, basically. Four points. But also, it gives my friends in the past. Historically, my friends have taken advantage of this. Have the villa where I haven't yet. I'm horribly drunk. Yes, I lost a drinking game that night. So it gets to the end of the night, and I'm going to get the last round. Not because it's late or anything like that, but it's just that time. And I kind of aware that this was going to be the low about an hour to go.

40:21 I'm going to go over there. So I go over and I chat into the guy. Now, I'm not some mad blagger, like wangle something, but I do when I'm just chatting to people, random stuff happens. People give me things for free or things. You're a very nice man. Yeah, it's like, very nice man. You create a friend, a circle of trust. It's a safe space to be. So I've got the drinks and we're having a laugh about ice. How that, you know, done. It was, it was a chat about ice. I then give him the tickets over, and now I've got three tickets. Okay. Which technically is three quid, but there's nothing on the list.

41:01 Although, subsequent, somewhere around the end of this story, someone did say to me, You could have got a bottle of water for three tokens, which in hindsight would have been a very good idea. So I could see that a Jaeger Meister was four tokens. Okay, yeah. Is that a Jaeger Meister on its own? No red ball, no, not a ball, just a Jaeger Meister. Just Jaeger Meister. So I said to him, What about a shot for three for some unknown reason? He says to me, as he's as he's pouring it, if you net, if you can net this in one, I'll give you the same again. I like this man, I like how he thinks. So, because it was like the end of the night basically, they've obviously made a shedload of money

41:44 off this bar. And so he gets what would be the cup or that you that they were doing gin and tonics in and kind of fills it at least halfway full with Jaeger Meister. So probably like a triple shot of Jaeger Meister. So by that time, my four pints in, I'm quite jolly and like I can do anything. I can take on the world. I'm at a rave, not really a rave, only 800 people there. Should have been soaked. We're not soaked. I'm with my beautiful girlfriend, which is quite exciting. It's our first night out, first night out clubbing together, basically. And so I neck the shot. I'm like, yay! I hadn't considered at all what was going to happen about half an hour later when the shot kicks in.

42:30 So then I turn up back to the crew and I've got the ginatonic for my girlfriend. And I was like, guess what? Who gave us this whole thing of Jaeger Meister? And she said, why? And I said, oh, all I had to do was neck a matchy one. Even though we haven't been together that long and she hasn't really seen me drunk, she did say, oh, how's that going to go? So, yeah, about 10 minutes later, I was literally pogoing around at the front of the stage. Unbeknownst to me, some of her friends nicknamed me Zebedee. You might have to explain that for some of the younger listeners because I only know about it because my parents talked about it.

43:12 And so I watched some of it on the internet. Winnie the Pooh. No, you're talking about Tigger. Yes. Oh, Tigger, yes. Yeah, because Zebedee was from the Magic Roundabout. Yeah, because that's a whole different era here. Maybe she did say Zebedee. Wow. See, this is what I'm talking about. I think my head is done. I think I'm not that you can joke about early stage dementia and things like that. No, well, firstly, if you're being affected by it, you can joke about whatever you want because it's about punching up. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's about so. If, for example, a fully able-bodied, fit, healthy, fully privileged male person was taking a piss out of someone disabled, that would be wrong.

44:00 However, if a disabled person was taking a piss out of themselves or their own situation, absolutely fine. Or taking a piss out of the rich white person. That's punching up. You can always punch up on somebody. Never punch down. That's why the last leg is so funny. Yeah, yeah, because those comedians are able to laugh at themselves in their own situation in a way that actually helped. It just, it's endearing. them owning their own lifestyle and their own issues. Um, but yeah, never punch down, always punch up. So, in order for me to be able to carry on this self-mockery of my uh fading memory and inability to string sentences together, it's got to get you sectioned. I'm going to have to go and get a dementia test. Do you think it's going to be like a piss on a strip type thing, or is there going to be something like a finger up the ass again?

44:44 Oh, yeah, imagine that just like the Olympics, the increasing number of conditions that are tested by a finger up the ass. And then, in years to come, there's like all these doctors are held up, just like all the vicars, just like all the victors, the vicar's got done the paedophile. I reckon it's a bet between the doctors and the uh the rocket scientists. I was like, No, look, we got him to run a dick to space. All right, well, we'll see if we can get him to stick a finger up the ass a bit more. Three million men have had a finger up their ass this year for a cough for nothing for made-up conditions. I'm sorry, sir, but once again, I'm going to have to stick another finger.

45:35 Have we got any proctologists in? He's got a cough, yes. Fingers, please. My neighbour, the racist one, he uh he's been getting stuck into the doctors because he says they get they get a 10 hour jab. So, for the COVID, he's like, That's doctors have gone to hell in Britain. He goes, You can't even get in, can't even get an appointment. I can't even go and walk in. He's going on and they get £10, they get £10 a jab. Do you know they get £10 a jab? They get £10. So, I'm going to Johnny is slowly dying in the corner. I'm going to ask him, John, have you had many, what is there? Must be a proper name for a finger up the bum. Well, it's proctology, but it's a rectal exam,

46:20 a rectal examination, I think. Oh, yeah. Well, I told you previous pod about that time my dad sent me into the uh toilets in France with a with a uh oh, what they call it, what tablet that goes up your bum? A suppository, a suppository. I can't tell our listeners what podcast episode that was, so I'm just going to tell the story again. Please, I had a sore throat and we were skiing, it was a very bad sore throat. But the coach back from Les Arc to Geneva in those days took about three hours. I pretty much whimpered and cried the whole way because my sore throat was so bad.

46:58 When we got to Geneva, my dad dragged me literally by the scruff of the neck into a chemist and said, Sort this fucking boy's throat out in like Rodney Franglaise, no, in Delboy Franglaise, right? So he then Boulevu Saute Monsons from Allah Throat, Pronto, Mucho, Gracias, Fix It. And so, so we get outside the pharmacy. Of course, we're in Switzerland, so everywhere's super clean, and there's a public toilet just across the way.

47:37 And he looks at me and he gets one out of the packet and he wedges it in my hand. And he goes, Take this and stick it up your fucking ass. Your dad said that, yes, through critted teeth. And how old were you? I'd have been 10. Fucking hell. So I look at my stepmother, she goes, It's a suppository, you've got to put it up your bottom. So age 10, I go into a public flipping cubicle and insert this thing up my bum. And then so every three hours subsequent to that, I was told to go and do one and do it again.

48:18 I just sounds like something from trend spotting. But I didn't. So I had to, but I wouldn't another one on the plane and then we got home and I didn't do it. I just flushed it down toilet, but didn't mention my sore throat at all. So in the realms of parenting and doctoring, he did make my sore throat go away. How the fuck is a suppository going to make your throat better? That's the magic of medicine. How does any tablet know where to go? Yeah, it just numbs all of you, I reckon. I don't think it does, because then you'd be like dragging a leg around. If you take an apraxin, no, apraxin's lovely. It's like a turbo ibuprofen, yes. But it numbs all your pain receptors. It doesn't numb your muscle movement at all, but numbs your pain. Because there's no way that it can say, oh, this bit's hurt.

49:02 And what if then your knee hurts as well? I know, but does it have to split between the two? Where's the brain test? It's the magic of medicine. But you don't accidentally open the kitchen cupboard on your head after you've had an apraxin or a. if you I think next time you do, just see if it hurts. Or like, well, like a diazy pan, then maybe you're kind of like bumbling around a bit, yeah. But yeah, I don't know. I reckon we need some science on this. Jeff Bates. Let's get the cock scientists to go. Let's get some cock suppositories. Wait, we're back to Brian again. Yeah, let's get some cockshaped suppositories and do some do some science. Maybe Jeff and his mates are all laughing their asses off because they're billionaires.

49:46 They can afford to build a rocket. And he said to Branson. It's got to be a bet, innit? It had to be a bet. Yeah. Branson, I'm going to come second in a massive cock-shaped rocket. Whenever you go up, I'm going up a week later and it's going to be in a cock just to rub it in. And it's great because it's got to be one of these clubs where they've got this ledger. And in a thousand years' time, they're going to be reading this, going, no, they did a what's he called? The bloke that went around the world in 80 days. Yeah, exactly. And that was a TV program in the morning. That must have been it. That must be what's going on. 80 days around the world.

50:29 So, yeah, those blokes in London betting each other. And this is why I'd be a shit rich person because I'd be betting some fucked up shit. It would be so fun. I bet you you can't go around the world in 80 days. Yeah, this was the modern day version of that. Branson here. Bezos, right now, I know you could go round. Anyone could go around. If you've got a bit of money in your pocket, COVID notwithstanding, you could go around the world in 80 hours. Like, if we wanted to right now, obviously, my kids are upstairs, so they might argue about it. But yeah, we could just do it. Whereas back then, I think the next epoch is getting quicker and quicker and quicker.

51:12 I'm going to Mars on a cockshape rocket. In 80 days. So it's Bezos, Branson, and Musk. Did Musk go up? No, he didn't. Bezos. No, no, Musk hasn't yet. But all of his stuff just is super cool. It looks cool. It looks sci-fi. And they've got, you know, they're doing it kind of the right way, the public way. And then all of a sudden, Cockrocket came out of the blue. I didn't even know Cockrocket was. Branson's been doing Spaceship One or whatever for like 10, 15 years. And then Musk has been talking about all of the SpaceX stuff. I didn't even know Cockrocket was happening. He's so rich.

51:57 It's something like his budget or NASA's budget is a quarter of what it's cost him to do this thing or whatever, basically. So they've got like three or four dudes who've got more money than the rest of the planet. And so they can now tinker. You would, wouldn't you? If you had that money, you would. It's much more fun than cleaning up the plastic slick as a Pacific. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we can save the world. Or we're going to go to space. I'm going to outer space. For how long? We can do 30 seconds at the moment. Okay, I'm in.

52:37 It's what? It's a billion. Okay, I've got a few billion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And how long can we go up for? You take Apple Pay. Wait, shit. We're Amazon. I'm not paying that cocksucker any money. Who's in charge of Apple these days? Oh, they're not doing anything fun, are they? No, they're gone dull. They've got some... They've gone quite corporate, quite bland. Although they're waiting for the next big personality to come through, I think. But they don't need to at the moment. They're still raking it in, although not on my fucking laptop, which isn't working. And that's another whole story. That is another whole story. Which I don't think we've got time for today. No, not at all. So many things on the list that we could have talked about.

53:22 I had loads of facts about how much gold medals are worth. Oh, no, I do. Well, the Olympics will still be on next week, so it will be that. It will be. And would have won a shit ton more gold. Yeah. Because I do want to know about that because I was fascinated when they said they made the medals out of recycled stuff. Recycled, not stuff. Mobile phones. Oh, okay. And then they showed how big the new medals are. And then they told the Olympic people, don't taste them, bite them, kiss them, because we because we haven't tested. We're going to talk about this next week. I want to know. Don't bite it because we haven't tested it for biting. But the first thing I'm going to do then is I'm going to buy it, you know? It's like saying here's a red button.

54:03 Don't press it. You're going to press the fucking button. All pissed up doing Jaegermeister shots. shots, holding needing a piss, licking their medals. So, listeners, watchers, what's the longest you've ever held a piss in for? Where's the most random place you've ever had to have a piss? I'm asking, oh, here's a good one. Have you ever had a piss whilst on a Zoom call because you couldn't leave the session but were able to casually have a piss under the desk? Not even a Zoom call on a date, a Zoom date, a Zoom date, mate. If you're on, if you're on a four-hour date and it's going kind of well, you're kind of thinking, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to interrupt this.

54:46 She's not leaving anywhere, but there's only something I can take. So, let's just do a bit of maneuvering and it's all out of screen. She can't see a shit. Yeah. Well, I'm going to put that on the list next, next, next, next conversation. Because back in the day when we were like in our 20s, and you'd, when I lived in London, not that I pulled very often, but the times I did pull or I had a girlfriend for a period of time and you'd be staying at her house, but obviously a shared house, there'd only really be one toilet, and then you wake up and you're in a strange house anyway. And then it's like, okay, well, I really need a piss. So, my tactic would generally be go to the kitchen, find some kind of bottle out of the bin,

55:27 like a tin, tin of bean, empty tin of beans, empty squash bottles. Just see her catching you rummaging around in the bin. Never got call. I needed someone to piss. Is this not normal? I will share more of this very awkward, possibly awkward, story in next week's wrap-up. Then that sounds good. So, how can people make sure that they can hear next week's wrap-up? Well, I'll tell you: the best way to catch the wrap-up will be to subscribe. If you go to teamsuperdad.com forward slash get podcast, I have engineered it that not only will you be sent a link, but that link will recognize what device you are on and will give you a, you know, will send you to an appropriate podcast service for your device.

56:12 Oh, you're making it so easy. It's like it's like a rectal examination for your ears. It is so teamsuperdad.com forward slash get podcast, and that'll get you the podcast. And if you want to come in to the community and be part of this awesome, irresistible network of men creating our best dad life ever, then teamsuperdad.com forward slash group will get you on the power list and everything that you need to be part of that. Don't forget, every person who brings a friend and can prove that they've brought a friend, I'll buy you a beer. Yes, all you've got to do is come and see me. Come and see me, and we'll buy you a beer. The picnic's happening on the 21st of August.

56:47 Awesome. Uh, Teason Park in Maisdown. So, if you're in Aberzajan, um, Edinburgh, Peru, Chicago, not quite as convenient, fly over, but yeah, but you're still welcome. Uh, but anyway, anyway, anyone in the southeast, Kent, south of London, uh, come down to Tesson on the 21st. Perfect. Glenn, I'll see you next week. You will indeed, and I'll see you as well. Let's get ready for that outro, see if we can get it to come in slightly quicker than the intro came in. And this, this, this is radio gold, yeah. This is slick as Team Superdad. This has been Team Super Dad. Find us at teamsuperdad.com.

57:30 Join the program and create the best life ever for you and your children. You are not alone. You're on Team Super Dad.