From Drained To Unstoppable - Reclaim Your Focus, Energy And Joy

00:00 Drained to unstoppable men, how trying to save everyone actually broke myself and why too many men do exactly the same as this. Role theme. Welcome to the Johnny Jensen show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches, relationships and results they deserve. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community at highvalue manproject.com. Let's go. Men, good afternoon, good morning, wherever you are. It is great to have you here for the Johnny Jensen show.

00:39 My name is Johnny Jensen. I'm the founder and the head coach of the High Value Man Project and the host of this awesome podcast. We are here, as always, each week to level up, supporting men, dads, business owning and career-minded dads across the world, helping you take control in your life and start to show up as the man and dad that you want to be without getting utterly burnt out by the process and the experience, which is basically what today's episode is about. And it is a foundational aspect, a foundational message inside of the High Value Man Project.

01:18 In fact, it's basically my story. It's how the 3XC and the FHIR code were created. They are our core coaching principles and the entire direction of movement inside the High Value Man Project. If you have not been here before, then welcome. It is great to have you here. I have just realized I have once again failed to review the Apple podcast reviews or the Spotify reviews.

01:55 Go and give one. The link will be in the show notes. I will bring up Apple podcasts whilst we're talking and I will choose and read one out. Oh, in fact, there we go. I can jump straight to it. This is going to be easier than I thought. Where is it? Episodes, reviews. Still, still not quite so easy. You'd think they'd just be right there, wouldn't you? Oh, there's the stars. Look, five. Five stars. Can I see the reviews? Can you see the reviews? I don't know how much I've got any recently. I keep asking you lot to leave one. And what we'll do is that the best review or the review of the week will get, oh, here we go.

02:37 The review of the week will get a power call, a free power call with me. That is 150 quid or 200 bucks value. And the result of that is really for you to focus on one singular aspect of your life. We will put the high value man principles into it to give you a clear action path forward. And anyone can have one of those if you come and book them with me at the High Value Man Project. But, oh, this one's from a guest. Does that count? I'm going to read it anyway. I was honored to be a guest and had a great time. Johnny was easy to talk to and we had a great conversation that I think might help others create the life they want.

03:21 I think the podcast delivers important and useful information. I'm a new fan. And that is from the corporate action hero. So I'm going to have to go back and remember which of my guests was called the corporate action hero. So congratulations. I dare say he might not even want a power call. But come and do that. Today's episode from Drained to Unstoppable. It's actually the title of an event I'm running this Thursday. So if you're listening to this before Thursday, we'll be running it again in the future anyway. But get yourself over to the highvalue manproject.com forward slash unstoppable.

04:00 The live event pass is just £7, $10. And if you want all the resources and the recordings and the follow-up accountability session, a month's free access to the inner circle, our community, then get on board. Go in there and buy that. The unstoppable upgrade with all the resources and the recordings and the inner circle stuff, that's £100. So I look forward to seeing you over there and indeed on the live this Thursday. Drained to unstoppable. So many men are going through this experience. And I want you to consider as you listen to this that some version of it could be where you're at.

04:43 Now, it doesn't mean that your whole existence is in the gutter, but not by any means. But it's a reflection and an acceptance and a taking of responsibility that in some or too many, all even parts of your life. your life, there is some level of running at less than what you could be, drained instead of unstoppable. And ultimately, in high-value man terms, living a low-value existence as opposed to a high-value existence. And that's that's fundamentally what this whole message is about. Um, I'll take you through my journey and and highlight the highs and lows and the mistakes.

05:28 This is definitely not about the people in my life, it's not about my wife/slash/ex-wife, it's not about what worked or what didn't work, it's not about debt, it's not about the business being a success or ending up closing it, it's about who I was being throughout that process and the amount of strain I put on myself to which ultimately I ended up completely broken. But during the process, I wasn't as effective and successful as I could have been because I was putting all my focus on other people, expecting and hoping that to be you know to be the solution, right? Um, so I've got my notes here. So, just to start with, and you know what?

06:10 We don't get taught this, men do not get taught this. We get, if we're lucky, Disney movies and superhero stuff, James Bond, like Knight in Shining Armor, men will save the day. If you've got a good role model around you, you know, in terms of a parent or in terms of mentors, well, maybe if they're mentors and you've specifically sought them out, then perhaps they are putting into you, particularly if you've gone and found a really good mentor. But all too often, the message to men is keep going, look after everybody else, make the money, and it will all work out.

06:51 The thing is, when it doesn't work out, it weighs heavy on us, and that's what starts to take us down. So, my vision for being the man that I wanted to be was very much born out of my childhood experience. My mum dying when I was nine, the roller coaster through teenage years, which by the way, was a lot of fun, but it was Concord to Council House. It was highs and lows, mum dying, dad getting remarried, suddenly moving house, new school, different friends, a complete upside down

07:34 experience, but nonetheless, all positive, like holidays and fun, and just keep going. Don't worry about being upset about your mum. Just let's have fun. Let's keep going. And of course, those relationships and experiences my dad had, he ultimately probably wasn't that doing that well at the time. And so it was very chaotic, very up and down. Coming back from leaving one holiday, we used to go to America and spend time with our family in Chicago. That was my brother and I. And one holiday, my dad, we left our big house and my dad took us to the airport.

08:15 And like Chicago is amazing, my friends and family and all the experiences there, the beach, let alone anything else, way better than being here in Maystone. And so we would go there and enjoy the summer. My dad took us to the airport, left our big house, took us to the airport in the Mercedes. And then he picked us up in a dirty old green Granada estate, bored Granada. And instead of going back to the nice big house, we went back to a decrepid house where if I can best sum it up, as you had to keep the oven propped shut with a broom when you were cooking anything in it. That basically summed up the whole thing. And so that was like so turbulent.

09:00 By the time that I got around to thinking about my own family and marriage, I was like, it's going to be perfect. It's going to be the family that I always wanted. And it's going to be mine. I'm going to be in control of it. No more experiencing love as painful and something that you lost. But what I'd done was frame manhood, fatherhood, success around this foundation of fear, of having to support and be there for everybody else. And the problem with that is, is that the moment that starts to go wrong, if the foundation is everything and everyone else rather than yourself, then that foundation can be knocked from under your feet and then you're left with nothing.

09:46 You're left to suffer and struggle. So in my marriage, falling in love and getting that, get proposing quite. quite quickly was actually the antidote to a four-year relationship that had ended quite painfully for me. So then, when I met and fell in love with someone else, I was like, well, I'm not doing that again. And so I proposed to her quite quickly, about six weeks, to be fair. So it was an exciting, exciting love and passion and fun, you know, fueled adventure. But it was ultimately about fixing something I thought was missing.

10:29 And that's never a healthy way to go about things. It set up expectations in a too pressured way. It's set up expectations on when I've got all this, I'm going to be happy. I'm going to be fixed. And if you're doing that, again, there's every chance that when those things get knocked out the way, when those things start to get tough, that you will feel completely broken, lost, uncapable, low value, stressed, upset, fatigued, resentful, blaming, angry, looking for distractions. Like this is all how men address upset.

11:15 What we have to do is come from the place of making ourselves whole and complete first, being able to stand on our two feet with our vision, our goals, our work, our health, so that we can be more for others. It doesn't work the other way around. And even through my personal development journey, I had it be that if I can just learn about all these things, I can fix everybody else. And if I can fix everyone else, I'll be happy. It took my divorce and the marriage breakdown for me to realize that I'd put too much emphasis on everybody else being okay.

11:52 And the evidence for this, really, as if it shouldn't have been there from the start, but the evidence for this was very much that when everything else had gone, when I left her, when I was out of the family home, when I wasn't seeing my kids, when the business was shut, I was still alive. I was still okay. So the idea that if you haven't got all this, then you're nothing is simply not true. You have to put yourself as the foundation. Now, this will be quite in conflict with people from a faith-based background who's got to say, well, I put God first in my life and then he'll take care of me.

12:29 I don't, I think that's bollocks. I don't think faith is bollocks, but I don't think whoever you believe in, God didn't give us this machine, this incredibly adaptable, capable, self-healing machine, self-thinking machine. We're one of the only creatures on earth that can completely transform who we are and what we do just because we decide it. And yet, instead of taking that opportunity, we suffer and struggle. So the idea that we have to put God first in, otherwise we're not going to get all this stuff, I just don't believe. What I do believe is that having the faith in what a higher force can provide us, that on this planet that we're revolving around on, which is in fact a miracle in itself, we've got everything provided for us.

13:19 The faith is knowing that if you show up, if you take control in your life, that if you be the best version of yourself, so that, not so you can be selfish and a tyrant and an asshole, but so that you can be more for others, then the just rewards and dues are going to come your way. It is not your job to suffer and struggle. It is your job to thrive and be happy and successful, successful and happy. Those two things are interwoven because you can't have success without happiness.

13:58 And whilst you can be blissfully happy with nothing, ultimately the life that we deserve, the true riches, relationships, and results do come from some degree of success, do come from being able to have time and financial freedom. And whether you like it or not, you're going to need some money. Unless you go and live in a monastery or a nunnery, you're going to need some money to be able to do that. So success and happiness are part of who you are as a man. In that relationship, I put all my energy into making sure that everyone else was okay. To be a good man, I have to have a healthy, happy wife. To be a good father, I have to have healthy, happy children.

14:38 And that part of it is actually a different subject. That part of it is a given. But nonetheless, being on the plane and the old put your face mask on before you put other people's on is the same for your kids. A dad coming out of a door. divorce you can't be a good dad to your kids if you're completely broken emotionally mentally physically you have to get back on your feet as quick as possible you have to get your head around what's going on as quick as possible why so that you can provide so that you can be happy and successful yourself drained to unstoppable is the essence of life Turning your low value existence into a high value existence, showing up as the man and dad you want to be is the essence of life

15:21 in my relationship and this this follows so many men you get caught up in the whole journey we're going to fall in love we're going to get a house or we're going to get married we're going to have some kids it's going to be awesome then we're going to make some money we're going to have holidays we like the kids are going to grow up we'll still have loads of sex we'll have lots of fun with our friends it's going to be great and then guess what for too many of us it's not in my journey we had miscarriages we had financial struggles straight after our marriage we got both made redundant um that put pressures on us the obviously the loss was was hard to take you do you get very little support when you go through that experience as a guy i was just like well it's not my job to be upset it's my job to look after

16:08 her it's my job to keep everything going and move forward it was only when the third one happened that i was like absolutely knocked back off my feet emotionally and mentally and physically to be fair because i was one of my first thoughts was oh my gosh how am i going to get her through this and that's when it hit me oh my gosh how am i going to get through this it wasn't the first one or the second one but bloody hell it was the third one having babies having stepchildren you know being a young couple getting through those early days it it's what we all go through it's it's it's it's a challenge and an experience that we all have to understand being completely tired and exhausted being responsible for how we manage our work and how we show up in the

16:57 relationship keeping everything fun and alive being open in our communication but ultimately being tuned into the life that you deserve and desire for yourself so if you've given up seeing all your friends if you've stopped going to the gym if you've stopped doing your hobbies that you previously enjoyed doing don't expect to feel good don't even expect her to still love and want you in the same way because the person she fell in love with is not the person you're being and guess what that doesn't even matter the idea this is where for me marriage vows need updating the idea that she's the one that you're screwed and ruined and done without her it doesn't make sense either it is one version and it works for a lot of people but it is just one version of how it could be another

17:50 version could be that you've met you've fallen in love it's bloody brilliant and if we've got shared values if we've got shared visions and goals if we're in this together to create the life that we both desire then bloody brilliant but if at some point we're completely off track there and actually being with you is flipping annoying and painful and ultimately taking me further and further away from the life that i desire and that i said i was creating then that chapter should be over that relationship you should both have the common sense to look at each other and go do you know what we actually both want completely different things at this stage of our life can we manage that

18:30 together in this relationship or is it tearing us apart and ruining ruining my experience of life actually i don't think i can carry on doing that okay fine let's sensibly break up that for me particularly in this modern world that's okay and the reason it's okay is because you as the man get to carry on in your life creating and building successful and happy being the man and dad you want to be because your biggest job in life after looking after yourself is being a great dad to your kid the future of mankind if we want to go that big depends on healthy parents healthy role models strong happy positive confident

19:10 charismatic men living the life that they desire being the man that they want to be not in a selfish controlling bullshit way but in a way that inspires and leads other people forward in a way that inspires and leads yourself forward looking in the mirror and realizing i am being the person i said i would be i am adding value to the people around me i'm maxing out this experience of life i've been given because that is unstoppable that is a high value man And the premise of doing this is having a structure of habits and routines, which we call the fire code, right?

19:53 It's not like a rule book that if you don't do them, well, you're not good enough. But it is a barometer, a yardstick, a gauge of what you're up to and how your life is going. Because if you're not fit and healthy, if you're not sharpening the sword, if you're not feeling feeding your body with the good food and water, if you're not having fun with your friends, if you're not having a solid relationship, if you're not having an active sex life, if you're not getting around mentors and network and seeing your family and friends, if you're not making time to have fun and reward yourself, you know, that's pretty much, I think I might have missed a couple out there, but that's about the 16 habits and routines that make up the fire code.

20:35 If though, as a man, you're going after those things without any context for why you would be doing it, like where am I headed towards? If that's that's vision, that's clarity. Every man needs clarity about who they are and what they want. If you're running around not being your true self, like a lack of courage, not speaking up, not letting go of fears and blame and resentment from past experiences. If that's how you're showing up, then other people don't get the best of you. You don't get the best of you.

21:12 And these are the things that are fundamentally wrong with men. So many men walking around day by day, having this low value existence and then thinking it's not fair or blaming other people or deciding the way that I'm going to fix that is I'm going to have another joint. I'm going to have another beer. I'm going to play a bit more Xbox. I'm going to go out with my mates and to hell with my misses. I'm going to get fat and resentful. I'm going to, whatever it might be, even on the positives, I'm going to throw myself into every community event or the gym that I can find so that I don't have to accept and put up with the bullshit I've got going on at home. That's avoidance. That's distractions. All of them. It's low value.

21:56 When you start to create the life with a structure and a context that works for you so that you can be more for others, that's how you become unstoppable. At the end of my marriage, at the point of the breakdown, I was just over 10 stone, 10 stone, six foot tall and 10 stone. That's like 63 kilograms or some nonsense. It should have been, I mean, it was apparent to me that, you know, that I was at the ragged edge. And when my brother took his life in front of a train, that was it for me. That was the final piece where it became really apparent that there was no foundation of self.

22:40 There wasn't a strong me underneath all this thing called life. And that's when you're vulnerable to anything and everything. And it's not who we are as men. When you are capable and strong, when you've got the foundations of a life that's working for you in place, then you can be everything you want to be for everybody else. It doesn't work the other way around. Does that sound familiar at all? Does that sound like a level of awareness that you're not having right now? Like it's still other people's fault. Like it's still problems out there that you, until they change, I can't do anything about this.

23:19 That's not true. When I lost everything and I woke up the next day, it was actually a brand new chapter, a fresh start. It wasn't the end. It did take quite a lot and it was hard, but it was a fresh chapter. And that's what it's all about. Can you create a fresh chapter in your relationship, out your relationship, in the business, out the bit, whatever it looks like, it's called a fresh chapter because it's you embracing this experience we've been given called life on earth. This inhuman experience. You've been given a human body to take it for a ride for 70 odd years and have a laugh with it. So bloody well do that. Get yourself, first of all, share this with other men in your life.

24:03 Get this out there to the men in your life that you need to hear this. Perhaps you're a woman listening to this and it's me like, that's what I want for my man. Perhaps you're a brother or an uncle or a dad who's looking at another man in your life going, he needs to hear this. And maybe you need to hear it as well. Because we're not about fixing broken men. We're about having a shitload of fun and creating the life that we desire as the man and dad we want to be. Get yourself onto the unstoppable live event this Thursday. It's at highvalumanproject.com forward slash unstoppable. That's highvalumanproject.com forward slash. slash unstoppable and rather than give you loads of different URLs and things to remember off the back of this podcast you can go and listen to other episodes for more details and instructions on how to get involved with the work that we do but today just take that see me there on Thursday

24:57 the seven pound ten dollar live event ticket is affordable for everybody I'm done with doing free things to be quite honest because you just get people bail and not take things seriously and quite honestly it's low value like it's not the call to arms that I'm a stand for so if you can't afford to contribute a pint as a pint of beer right like we're talking about it's a super deluxe mocker walker walk a chocolate uh coffee like if you can't afford if you can't and seriously if you literally can't afford it but want to come message me and I'll give you the ticket it's not about the money it's about you showing up

25:37 it's about you taking control and leveling up in your life we need men to show up in the world the biggest problem in the world today is that men are not visible enough we haven't got a call to arms we haven't got a clear mission that we're living to and the people that do some of them are assholes some of them are in controller countries some of them are taking us to war with each other that's not what we're here for and it's up to you and me and the children we're raising the men that we're hanging around with to start making a difference

26:17 share this leave a review you get the older the chance to have it read out if i remember and uh and a free uh and a prize a complimentary power call um other than that let me see you at the unstoppable event from drained to unstoppable it's highvalumanproject.com forward slash unstoppable i will see you there and i and i absolutely um do you know what i just want to say that i really appreciate and value the time that you've taken to give me on this episode the time that you've taken to give me in all these episodes it is uh it's not something i take for granted it's this is my mission it is my passion i'm doing it myself and i'm

26:57 doing it for you and i'm doing it actually for the children in our lives let's go thanks for tuning in to the johnny jensen show be sure to subscribe leave a review and share it with fellow dads creating the life you deserve starts with you get your high value man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvalumanproject.com let's go