From Drained To Unstoppable - Reclaim Your Focus, Energy And Joy

00:00 Drained to unstoppable men, how trying to save everyone actually broke myself and why too many of men do exactly the same as this. Roll theme! Welcome to The Jonnie Jensen Show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches relationships and results they deserve. Get your High Value Man Blueprint and join our community at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go! Good afternoon good morning wherever you are it is great to have you here for The Jonnie Jensen Show my name is Jonnie Jensen I'm the founder and head coach of The High Value Man Project and host of this awesome podcast

00:47 We are here, as always each week to level up supporting men dads business owning and career minded dads across the world helping you take control in your life and start to show up as the man and dad that you want to be without getting I'm utterly burnt out by the process and the experience, which is basically what today's episode is about. And it is a foundational aspect of foundational message inside of The High Value Man Project. In fact, it's basically my story. It's how the 3XC and the Fire Code were created. They are our core coaching principles

01:28 And the entire direction of movement inside the High Value Man Project. If you have not been here before, then welcome. It is great to have you here. I just realized I have once again failed to review the Apple podcast reviews or what they call Spotify reviews Go and give one! The link will be in the show notes. I will bring up Apple podcasts whilst we're talking and I will choose and read one out. Oh in fact there we go, now i can jump straight to it this is going to be easier than I thought um where is it? Episodes Reviews still not quite so easy you'd think they just would be right there wouldn't you oh there's the stars look five! Five stars Can I see the reviews? Can you see the reviews?! I don't know how many... if I've got any recently I keep asking you lot to leave one

02:30 The best reviewer of the week will get a free power call. The result of that is really for you to focus on one singular aspect of your life. We will put the High Value Man principles into it, to give you a clear action path forward and anyone can have one of those if you come and book them with me at the High Value Man Project but... Oh this ones from a guest does that count?

03:11 I'm going to read it anyway. Oh, it was honoured to be a guest and had a great time. Jonnie was easy to talk to and we had a great conversation that I think might help others create the life they want. I think the podcast delivers important and useful information. I am a new fan! And that is from the Corporate Action Hero. So I'm going to have to go back and remember which of my guests was called the Corporate Action Hero, so congratulations! I dare say he might not even want a power call but come and do that. Today's episode From Drained To Unstoppable it's actually the title of an event i'm running this Thursday. If you're listening to this before Thursday

04:31 Drained to unstoppable. So many men are going through this experience and I want you to consider as you listen to this that some version of it could be where your at, now it doesn't mean that your whole existence is in the gutter but not by any means but its a reflection And an acceptance and a taking of responsibility that in some or too many, all even parts of your life there is some level of running at less than what you could be. Drained instead of unstoppable and ultimately in high value man terms live in a low value existence as opposed to a high value existence. That's fundamentally what this whole message is about

05:20 I'll take you through my journey and highlight the highs and lows, and the mistakes. This is definitely not about the people in my life it's not about my wife slash ex-wife it's not about what worked or didn't work its not about debt, business being a success or ending up closing it It's about who I was being throughout that process And the amount of strain I put on myself to which Ultimately I ended up completely broken but during the process, i wasn't as effective and successful as I could have been because I was putting all my focus on other people expecting and hoping that to be the solution right. So got my notes here so just start with and you know what we don't get taught this

06:11 Men do not get taught this. We get, if we're lucky Disney movies and superhero stuff James Bond like Night in Shining Armor men will save the day If you've got a good role model around you In terms of parent or in terms of mentors Well maybe if they are mentors and you specifically sort them out Then perhaps they are putting into you, particularly if you've gone and found a really good mentor. But all too often the message to men is keep going look after everybody else make the money and it will work out! The thing is when it doesn't work out it weighs heavy on us that's what starts to take us down

06:59 So my vision for being the man that I wanted to be was very much born out of my childhood experience. My mum died when i was nine, roller coaster through teenage years which by the way was a lot of fun but it was Concord to Council House. It was highs and lows Mum dying, Dad getting remarried. Suddenly moving house new school different friends complete upside down experience but nonetheless all positive like holidays and fun and just keep going don't worry about being upset about your mum just let's have fun lets keep going And of course those relationships and experiences my dad had he ultimately probably wasn't that

07:52 Doing that well at the time and so it was very chaotic, very up and down. Coming back from leaving one holiday we used to go to America and spend time with our family in Chicago that was my brother and I One holiday, my dad... we left our big house and my dad took us to the airport. And like Chicago is amazing! My friends and family and all the experiences there at the beach let alone anything else way better than being here in Maidstone. So we would go there and enjoy the summer. My Dad took us to the airport left our big house took us to the airport in a Mercedes and then he picked us up in a dirty old green Granada estate

08:37 Bored Granada. And instead of going back to the nice big house, we went back to a decrepit house where if I can best sum it up as you had to keep the oven propped shut with a broom when you were cooking anything in it that basically summed up the whole thing and so that was like so turbulent By the time that I got round to thinking about my own family and marriage, it's going to be perfect. It's going to be the family that i always wanted and it's going to be mine! I'm gonna be in control of it no more experiencing love as painful or something you lost but what I'd done was frame

09:20 Manhood, fatherhood success around this foundation of fear of having to support and be there for everybody else. And the problem with that is is that the moment that starts to go wrong if the foundation is everything and everyone else rather than yourself then that foundation can be knocked from under your feet and then you're left with nothing. You're left to suffer and struggle So, in my marriage... Falling in love and getting proposing quite quickly was actually the antidote to a four year relationship that had ended quite painfully for me. So then when I met and fell in love with someone else, I was like well I'm not doing that again! And so I proposed to her quite quickly about six weeks to be fair. It was exciting, exciting love and passion and fun fuelled adventure

10:22 But it was ultimately about fixing something I thought was missing. And that's never a healthy way to go about things, it set up expectations in too pressured way. It sets up expectations on when I've got all this, I'm going to be happy and fixed and if you're doing that again There's every chance that when those things get knocked out the way, when those things start to get tough. That you will feel completely broken lost, incapable low value stressed upset fatigued resentful blaming angry looking for distractions like this is all how men address upsets

11:15 What we have to do is come from the place of making ourselves whole and complete first. Being able to stand on our two feet with our vision, our goals, our work, our health so that we can be more for others it doesn't work the other way around And even through my personal development journey, I had it be that if i can just learn about all these things. I can fix everybody else and if i can fix everyone else ill be happy! It took my divorce and the marriage breakdown for me to realize that id put too much emphasis on everybody else being okay. The evidence for this really

11:55 It shouldn't have been there from the start but the evidence for this was very much that when everything else had gone, when I left her, when i was out of the family home and wasn't seeing my kids business with shot. I will still alive i was still ok so the idea that if you haven't got all these things or nothing is simply up isn't not true you have to put yourself as the foundation This will be quite in conflict with people from a faith-based background who's got to say, well I put God first in my life and then he'll take care of me. I don't...I think that's bollocks!

12:31 I don't think faith is bollocks. But, i don't think whoever you believe in... God didn't give us this machine! This incredibly adaptable capable self-healing machine Self thinking machine that we're one of the only creatures on earth that can completely transform who we are and what we do just because we decide it and yet instead of taking that opportunity we suffer and struggle so The idea that we have to put god first otherwise we're not going to get all this stuff? I just don't believe I do believe is that having the faith in what a higher force can provide us on this planet that we're revolving round on which is in fact a miracle itself. We've got everything provided for us, the faith knowing that if you show up, if you take control in your life and

13:26 Be the best version of yourself so that not so you can be selfish and a tyrant and an asshole but so that you can be more for others. Then the just rewards and dues are gonna come your way it is not your job to suffer and struggle, is your job to thrive and be happy and successful? Successful unhappy those two things interwoven because Success without happiness and whilst you can be blissfully happy with nothing, ultimately the life that we deserve. The true riches relationships and results do come from some degree of success do come from being able to have time and financial freedom whether you like it or not gonna need some money unless your going to live in a monastery or nunnery your gonna need some money to be able to do that. Success and happiness are part of who you are as man

14:25 In that relationship, I put all my energy into making sure that everyone else was okay. To be a good man, I have to have a healthy happy wife. To be a good father, I have to have healthy happy children and that part of it is actually a different subject. That part of it isn't given but nonetheless being on the plane and they'll put your face mask on before you put other people's on. It's the same for your kids A dad coming out of a divorce, you can't be a good dad to your kids if you're completely broken emotionally mentally physically. You have to get back on your feet as quick as possible! Have to get your head around what's going on as quickly as possible Why? So that you can provide so that you can be happy and successful yourself Reigned to unstoppable is the essence of life Turning your low value existence into a high value existence showing up as the man and Dad you want to be is the essence of life

15:21 In my relationship, and this follows so many men. You get caught up in the whole journey. We're going to fall in love we're gonna get a house or we're gonna get married we're gonna have some kids it's going to be awesome then we're gonna make some money we're gonna have holidays like the kids are gonna grow out well will still have loads of sex will have lots of fun with our friends It's going to be great! And then guess what? For too many of us...it's not. We had miscarriages, we had financial struggles straight after our marriage. We got both made redundant that put pressures on us the obviously the loss was hard to take you get very little support when you go through that experience as a guy I was just like well it's not my job to be upset its my job to look after her its my job to keep everything going and move forward only when the third one happened I was like absolutely knocked back off my feet emotionally

16:20 I'm mentally and physically to be fair because i was one of my first thoughts was oh my gosh how am i gonna get through this and that's when it hit me all my gosh how am i gonna get through this wasn't the first one or second but bloody hell it was a bad one having babies having stepchildren being young couple getting through those early days is what we all go through. It's it's it's it's a challenge in experience that will have to understand being completely tired exhausted Being responsible for how we manage our work and how we show up in the relationship keeping everything on a live being open in all communication. Ultimately being tuned into the life that you deserve and desire yourself so if you've given up seeing your friends, if u stop going to the gym if you stopped doing your hobbies that you previously enjoy doing don't expect to feel good

17:20 Don't even expect her to still love and want you in the same way because the person she fell in love with is not the person your being. And guess what? That doesn't even matter! The idea, this where for me marriage vows need updating... The idea that she's the one that your screwed and ruined and done without her it doesn't make sense either It IS one version I work for a lot of people but it is just one version of how to be another version could be that. You met you fall in love with bloody brilliant and if we got shared values if we got shared visions and goals if we're in this together to create the life that we both desire them bloody brilliant but at some point

18:05 We're completely off track there and actually being with you is flipping annoying and painful. Ultimately taking me further and further away from the life that I desire, and the eyes that i was creating in that chapter should be over relationship. You both have the common sense to look at each other ago now what we actually both want complete different things at this stage of our life can we manage that together in this relationship or is it tearing us apart ruin ruining my experience of life? Actually, I don't think i can carry on doing that. Okay fine let's sensibly break up! But for me particularly in this modern world that's okay and the reason it's okay is because you as the man get to carry on in your life creating and building successful and happy being the man and dad you want to be because your biggest job in life after looking after yourself has been a great dad to your kid

19:01 The future of mankind, if we want to go that big depends on healthy parents. Healthy role models strong happy positive confident charismatic men living the life that they desire being the man that they want to be not in a selfish controlling bullshit way but in a way that inspires and leads other people forward In a way that inspires and leads yourself forward looking in the mirror and realizing I am being the person i said i would be. I'm adding value to the people around me, im maxing out this experience of life i've been given because that is unstoppable that is a high value man and the premise of doing this is having a structure of habits and routines which we call the fire code right it's not like a rule but if you don't do them well your no good enough but its a barometer

19:59 A yardstick, a gauge of what you're up to and how your life is going. Because if you're not fit and healthy, if you're not sharpening the sword. If your not feeding your body with good food and water...if you are not having fun with friends..If you are not having a solid relationship....if you are not having active sex life..... If you are not getting around mentors & network or seeing family & friends...... If you are not making time to have fun and reward yourself....... That's pretty much 16 habits & routines that make up the fire code If though as a man you're going after those things without any context for why you would be doing it, like where am I headed towards? That's vision. That's clarity. Every man needs clarity about who they are and what they want if you're running around not being your true self like a lack of courage not speaking up not letting go of fears and blame and resentment from past experiences if that's how your showing up

21:07 Other people don't get the best of you. You don't get the best of you! These are things that are fundamentally wrong with men, so many men walking around day by day having this low value existence and then thinking it's not fair or blaming other people or deciding the way that I'm going to fix that is...I'm gonna have another joint, iIm gonna have another beer, I'm gonna play a bit more Xbox, I'm gonna go out in my mates into hell with my missus, I'm gonna get fat and resentful, Whatever it might be, even on the positives. I'm going to throw myself into every community event or the gym that i can find so that i don't have to accept and put up with bullshit i've got going on at home. That's avoidance! That's distractions all of them... It's low value when you start to create the life with a structure and a context that works for YOU So that you can be more for others. THAT'S how you become unstoppable

22:07 At the end of my marriage, at the point of the breakdown I was just over 10 stone. Ten stone! Six foot tall and ten stoned that's like 63 kilograms or some nonsense it should have been a problem it was apparent to me that you know I was at the ragged edge and when my brother took his life in front of a train that was it for me... That was the final piece Where it became really apparent that there was no foundation of self. There wasn't a strong me underneath all this thing called life, and that's when you're vulnerable to anything and everything. And its not who we are as men! When you are capable and strong when you've got the foundations of a life thats working for you in place then you can be everything you want to be for everybody else It doesn't work the other way around

23:04 Does that sound familiar at all? Does that sound like a level of awareness that you're not having right now, like it's still other people's fault. Like it's still problems out there until they change I can't do anything about this. That's not true when I lost everything and I woke up the next day It was actually a brand new chapter fresh start. It wasn't the end It did take quite a lot and it was hard, but it was a fresh chapter. That's what its all about! Can you create a fresh chapter in your relationship? Out your relationship or in the business out there whatever it looks like is called a fresh chapter because it's you embracing this experience we've been given called life on earth This inhuman experience You've been given a human body to take for ride for 70 odd years and have a laugh with it So bloody well do that

24:00 Get yourself, first of all share this with other men in your life. Get this out there to the men in your life that you need to hear this perhaps you're a woman listening to this and it's me like that's what I want for my man perhaps you're a brother or an uncle or dad who is looking at another man in your life going he needs to hear this maybe you need to hear as well because we are not about fixing broken men were about having a shit load of fun creating the life that we desire as the man and dad we wanna be Get yourself onto the Unstoppable live event this Thursday. It's at highvaluemanproject.com forward slash unstoppable that's high value man project dot com forward slash unstoppable and rather than give you loads of different URLs and things to remember off the back of this podcast, You can go and listen to other episodes for more details instructions on how to get involved with the work that we do but today just take that

24:55 See me there on Thursday. The £7, $10 live event ticket is affordable for everybody I'm done with doing free things to be quite honest because you just get people bail and not take things seriously and quite honestly it's low value like it's not the call to arms that I must hand for If you can't afford to contribute a pint, it's a pint of beer right? We're talking about... It's super deluxe mocha-choccy coffee. Like if you can't afford and seriously if you literally can't afford but want to come message me and I'll give you the deal! It's not about the money, it's about you showing up

25:37 It's about you taking control and leveling up in your life. We need men to show up in the world, the biggest problem in the world today is that men are not visible enough we haven't got a call-to-arms, we haven't got a clear mission that we're living too and the people that do some of them are assholes some of them are in controller countries some of them have taken us to war with each other That's not what we're here for! And it's up to you me And the children we are raising, the men that we're hanging around with to start making a difference.

26:17 Share this, leave a review. You get the chance to have it read out if I remember and a free prize, a complimentary power call. Other than that let me see you at the Unstoppable event from drained to unstoppable It's highvaluemanproject.com forward slash unstoppable. I will see you there and I absolutely... Do you know what? I just want to say that i really appreciate and value the time you've taken to give me on this episode. The time that you have taken to give in all these episodes, it is not something I take for granted It's... This IS my mission! IT IS MY PASSION! I'm doing it myself and I am doing it for YOU And I'm actually doing it for the children in our lives Let's go

27:05 Thanks for tuning in to The Jonnie Jensen Show. Be sure to subscribe, leave a review and share it with fellow dads! Creating the life you deserve starts with YOU. Get your High Value Man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go