Creating Quality Time With Your Children

00:01 What does quality time with your kids really look like and how do you make it happen when life is so busy? That's what we're talking about today. Roll theme! Welcome to The Jonnie Jensen Show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches relationships and results they deserve Get your High Value Man blueprint and join our community at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go! Alamen You know how it is, right? You come home from work after a long day and the kids are asleep already because they're little or they're teenagers and they're locked away up in their bedrooms playing their Xbox or chatting to their mates on social.

00:49 You know think you'll think oh it's alright I'll catch up with them tomorrow and then another day comes and nothing changes. And it just starts to feel like we're getting more and more disconnected from our kids, actually a lot of men feel really guilty about this and upset so What are we going to do about that? Well, we're going to talk about it today. We're gonna help come up with some tactics and strategies how... Help you reframe this whole subject so that actually you appreciate some of the perhaps more annoying times shall we say like when you're feeling like your the taxi man dad dad taxi dad taxi but basically how we can create quality time with our kids all over the place

01:36 It is good to have you here and this subject came up really for two reasons. One because one of the men I was working with, mentoring one-on-one he actually said to me so what is quality time my kids? How do I make it and it's not that he's not a good dad it's just that he's actually recently divorced He's got his time with his kids, but he's working out how to make the most of it when they're there. And when they're busy doing their own thing, how does he feel about that? How does he let them get on with it and you know and then how can we create those moments? The other part of that this is I've just come off the back of having my guys for the last

02:23 9 Days, which isn't actually that common. Well I say that common you know we have them 50-50 but to have them in a nine day block might happen in the summer holidays but doesn't normally happen in the rest of the year so I've got be honest although it's been exhausting its actually been pretty nice to not be jumping back and forward and juggling things like My car has been in the garage as well. The rear caliper got stuck on which basically means the brakes were jammed on and I was driving along and it was like jogger, jogger, jogger! Oh freaked out that it stank like something was on fire when I hobbled into the garage thankfully it was something pretty simple although I'm still not convinced that it's not something a bit more sinister that might come back to bite me

03:14 If you're here for the first time, welcome. If you're a regular listener then welcome back! My name is Jonnie Jensen I am the founder and head coach at The High Value Man Project we are community and coaching program for modern motivated dads that's who want to create success home and work really thriving across-the-board in their life so they can have the life they desire not one they feel stuck with stuck in this is a modern I'm going to go as far to call it a modern disease really. Too many men, too many dads just not existing not enjoying life like they really want it to and then the upset that comes with that the fatigue, the isolation, the resignation, the frustration even anger all of it that comes with fundamentally not being happy about what's going on

04:09 So when we get to the bottom of that and we clear it all out the way, take full responsibility. Putting yourself first looking out for yourself not in a selfish way but how you perform what you're up to what your vision for life looks like how you're managing your relationships now you're managing the stresses in your lifelike like money light work light relationships so that when you're on top everyone around you benefits And now the camera's gone off. Why has the camera gone off? Let's have a little look, see if we can fix that. It shouldn't have... it's back! Hooray! Yeah how we can fix it so if you're interested in that then come and get yourself over to The High Value Man Brotherhood our complimentary group where um you get access to a lot of the foundational trainings and courses like the core principles the 3XE formula and the fire code to really help you level up

05:10 The High Value Man Project. The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen

05:54 It can be difficult, like I've said when they're little you know if you're busy working and this is on you right for managing your time but if you're busy working and you come home. And they are already in bed now if your commuting and you work in all right then that's difficult as tricky and how what happens when they get used to that? What happens as a dad when the person who always there his mom That's not a criticism of mum, it is more like a reality check for us guys. If you want to create the relationships and the intimacy and the openness then you've got to be available in your kid's life from the youngest possible age, really from day one that whole kind of skin on skin experience for me it was the early mornings

06:47 When my kids were just tiny and babies, and they were able to just lay on my chest in the mornings stupidly early wishing perhaps I was still in bed but ultimately thinking no this is joy. This is magic this kind of moments need to be savored when you come at it from like that sets the tone and your mindset It sets the foundations for the relationship with your kids pretty much forever more really. Now there will be men listening to this going, oh yeah well you don't understand it's not that easy to just give that amount of time or is not that easy but fundamentally in 2025 which we are in now, it should be possible most of the men listening to this are gonna probably business owners or somewhere down the line in your career at the age where

07:41 What's it take to manage your time so that you're there, so that you're enjoying some of these moments with your kids. You know its not always about the amount of time, you know the old idea of quality over quantity and I think thats important as well. It doesn't have to be some grand gesture and if thats where your focus is I don't think you're really setting yourself up to win, you know. A big blowout holiday once a year or twice a year doesn't really make up for not being around for the rest of the time and i've realized there's... You could be in the army, you could work on oil rigs my dad had a friend who worked on oil rigs and he was away for like three months at the time but the thing was that the time when he came back he had three months at home and then he was like super dad

08:36 He was mad. He's guy he was a deep sea diver like a deep, deep, deep sea diver they used to have to go in these compression chambers for whatever 12-24 hours maybe even longer to adjust themselves to be able cope with the depths that they had to go and dive crazy crazy Scottish guy so you know when I talk about quality over quantity Make it a most of the time, you know creating routines that everybody can come to be used to whether that's breakfasts. Whether its bed times when they're little but even bedtime when they are older. That moment of checking and finding a little moment to have a five minute chat about

09:24 How their day was and not just how was your day you know ask open questions really invite the conversation if you say to someone what was the best part of your day today. And they've got a stop and think oh well, I don't know why it is this that's interesting you opened the conversation up how did i find you don't really have much there's no way to go when Shit, there's nowhere to go when it when that's all it is. Other things we did with my dad I mean car rides always used to make the most of car rides and now as they're teenagers you know they generally want to put their headphones in but simply asking them like okay right let's grab a coffee every kid loves to stop at Starbucks or something and when you get back in the car right for the time we're gonna drink these lets chit chat

10:13 You know, and then put your headphones back on after that. You have to actually engage and create these moments in time. And like you know as I've said if it's a one-off or you've never ever done it before well they might find it weird but if it's something you built in then they'll be like oh yeah of course that's what we do! Of course we talk... That's where you build the connection. That's where the foundation of this comes being present in their world not just looking at your phone whilst they're chatting You know, sitting around the dinner table making mealtime something that you actually do together. The habits and routines that we create for ourselves are our environment and that is on you as a leader of your family, as the leader in your own life, as the father to your kids it's for you to create! What else have I done with my dad? Yeah car rides breakfasts watching football

11:14 Cooking, definitely cooking. My dad taught or embedded the importance of cooking into us when we were kids and laughing you know one of the I think one of them how would i put this? I think it's as simple as this so many of my good memories like my wonderful high quality memories of times with my dad my brother with family really with anybody of course but is laughing is is the laughter

11:52 The experience of laughing together, of people's faces lighting up. Of the thing that you're laughing about... You know? That is not something that you can just fake right and in the realms of like well how do we do that when it's not about sitting there and telling jokes to each other although lots of kids love that when they're little but it's about being real It's about, you know not preaching. Oh you must do this and you mustn't do that is about really being real tell stories from your life relate to kids on their level for me That's a distinct part of how I feel connected to my kids and where I create the space for them to open up and talk to me about those things whether it's you know swapsies cards like football cards when they're little or really basic stuff like Lego

12:51 How do I do this? Or why the birds fly, Dad. You know like random questions that kids love to ask but when they become slightly older you know what how do i make friends or what do i do in it when someone's horrible to me or how do i ask a girl out or what do i do when a girl dumps me or this kid is being a dick to me like what do i do about it... Like you create the space for those conversations when you've been real with your kids as well! People will have different views about I'm going to be talking about the

13:54 What you really want to watch out for or if you're not having a good time, or something's you know... You need to do this. And so if you then turn around your kids and say oh no I never did that one! Oh no don't need to do that! Then then you don't get to share with them actually I'd really rather you didn't do that but yeah we did a bit of it when we were kids and this is what you need to know like actually yeah it's quite fun but also here are the downsides of it here are the risks here's what you need to be aware of here's what to do if you're not having a good time and quite honestly You're not old enough. I was way older than you before then, and I even knew about this stuff and I'd like you to consider that that you're too young. Basically by being real with them, you give them the confidence to make their own choices. I don't think it works the other way around! And that in itself is about the connection so when your kids hear from their other friends how their parents are to them they're like wow my dad's not like that with me

14:54 And it's not about being a pushover, it's not about being oh yeah super dad nice dad fun time dad. No! Not at all It's about really clear boundaries I'm very...I'm probably some might say too lenient with my kids but I'm also really stern and strong about the boundaries about the rules that I do have in place and I think that's important. I'd rather have more scope to give them more freedom to make mistakes and get things wrong But having them know, based on experience, based on our relationship, based on everything that's gone before. That this thing that I said is serious like you need to be home at this time or you need to ring me and let me know where what's going on or where you're at then that's where they say oh yeah that's the boundary. That's where my dad needs to be able to count on me and that's why i want to encourage you to work out for yourself like what does that look like? What are your parameters

15:56 One of my favorite sayings is relationship over results. If you're constantly hammering your kids about what they should and shouldn't be doing, about what they need to do at school to the detriment of your relationship then was it worth it? Was...was the thing that you were trying to create worth jeopardizing your relationship? You know, what's his name Tiger Woods and The William Sisters there I think quite famously The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen

17:00 And I tried, not like push my kids into it but try to motivate them. Like pass this because it's a good experience pass this because you'll have more choices passed this because I think you're actually pretty capable and you will have from my perspective a more enjoyable time at the better schools he was only willing to go to a certain level and my daughter wasn't so much at all So I know here they are as teenagers, there's only a certain level that i can push them to perform and how I do that is by getting them inspired and excited about well here's what's possible for you if you do do that. What do you want to go and be? What does it look like? What's your skills and interests because even that level of conversation is about me putting myself in their world! And I guess that's a bit serious right then might sound like oh yeah yes sure Jonnie how many conversations are you gonna have? Yeah probably not many

18:00 But on a similar vein, being interested in their life. What sports they're interested in? What games they play on their computer? What music they're listening to and we all know as parents most of us don't want to listen to the music our kids are listening too but can you have a conversation about the music you listened to or find a common ground It's never been so easy to access music and movies and share, oh right we'll put on the music you like on the way there and put on music that I like on the way back or will make a jukebox go one song at a time. Make a list of movies that you think everyone should watch So that you create this connection show...so that you create these shared experiences in this relatedness because part of your kids identity they know inherently inside them

18:51 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen So a couple of my last bits and notes here. Ah yeah, so the reframe for single dads you know you know here we are about to hit 20 minutes there will be some single dads that have been listening to this and saying well you don't understand Jonnie well I do understand i am a single dad spent four years fighting for 50-50 contact with my kids and although I saw them uh a good percentage at the time before that it was still imperative to me to get that time

19:37 Not all dads will get that out the back of divorce and it is difficult, but I want you to catch yourself from thinking about how it should be. And because it's the should that will eat you up! It's the should they'll have you so amped up and anxious for a little bit of time that you have got with them do actually unintentionally ruin it? I can share with you and we have done on other podcasts, what we will do on future ones. Experiences of men whose relationships with their kids has been pretty tricky and stretched almost non-existent even

20:15 The great periods of time when their kids were little and then when they've got to 18, they've made their own choices up. They walked up to them in a pub and said hi I think you're my dad! They lived on the other side of the world and decided actually what they really wanted to do is come to university in England and build that relationship with their dad because they loved him and wanted to spend more time with him These stories are real and they are possible. It doesn't mean it's easy, I really get that but when they're with you really savour it! You know plan your time and schedule in advance so that the time they're with you you're not distracted, you've got nothing else going on, you are a hundred percent dad because then you know and they know that you made the most of it, that you squeezed every ounce out of that time

21:15 And whilst it's not necessarily relevant to this topic so much, but I will drop it in here. Be really cautious about saying to your kids, I miss you! It was something that someone shared with me and I do think it applies too to dads still when their family set up in their traditional family setup is that when we say I'm going to miss you, it creates this idea in our kids about the separation like like when we're not apart there's some kind of unhappiness that should exist It's like a conditioning. The idea of missing someone is sad, it is difficult and if you just adjust that so that you say things like wow have a great time I can't wait to see you when you get back! I'm sorry you've got to go right now but I can't wait to be together again next week...It completely flips this idea that this period of time is going to be upsetting into something like

22:14 I'm busy, i'm going to be doing stuff. I've got a lot going on like it's gonna be you don't even need to quantify that much but between now and then i'm doing this...i'm doing something! I can't wait to see you then. I'm excited about seeing you and i'm looking forward to seeing you then. It's a completely different flavor and color too. I miss..I will miss you. That quality time with our kids is one of the most precious and rewarding things a man can give himself. So do not, whatever it takes do not rob yourself of this opportunity you know in reality we get some kind of 18 summers, 18 Christmases with our kids before they're really adults and who knows what they're up to? The real fun part of that is about 9 or 10 years

23:04 9 or 10 Christmases, nine or ten summers. Think about that! My kids are 15 and 13 you know we were talking with my boy the other day about going to America next year when the World Cup's on and he said to me well you know it would be pretty much last sort of year will be doing a family holiday I'm like what? Yeah but its' the truth this September will be 16 next September will be 17 so next summer it'll be the summer before his seventeenth birthday I'm not sure he's going anywhere quite that quick, but it is a reality. So make the most of this time. Savour being dad! Be present and available be vulnerable and real most of all... And i'll leave you with this let your kids know one of my favourite sayings is I've got your back. I have got your back. I love you. I'll see you next week. I've got your back if you need me

24:01 I hope this has been of value. Like i said at the beginning, The High Value Man Project is the number one place for motivated modern dads who want to create the life they desire not one they feel stuck in if you're not in our community yet in our free open community then come and get yourself in there! You just go to the highvaluemanproject.com forward slash group and you will be invited in uh... There is a free master class in there called The U2.0 Everything that we do inside the inner circle and the elite, there is enough of it in the open group for you to make adjustments into your life. For you to improve the relationships with your wife with your kids to really be the success both at home and work I know that you want to be

24:46 It's been great having you here. I look forward to seeing you in the next episode and on that note, be sure of course to share this with other men in your world who think may benefit from it and uh...it would really help if you left a review over on Spotify or Apple Podcasts! Okay Men, I'll see you next week take easy Thanks for tuning in to The Jonnie Jensen Show. Be sure to subscribe, leave a review and share it with fellow dads! Creating the life you deserve starts with YOU. Get your High Value Man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go