Creating Quality Time With Your Children

00:01 What does quality time with your kids really look like? And how do you make it happen when life is so busy? That's what we're talking about today. Roll theme. Welcome to the Johnny Jensen show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches, relationships, and results they deserve. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community at highvalumanproject.com. Let's go. Hello, men. You know how it is, right? You come home from work after a long day and the kids are asleep already because they're little, or they're teenagers and they're locked away up in their bedrooms playing their Xbox or chatting to their mates on social.

00:49 You know, I think you'll think, oh, it's all right. I'll catch up with them tomorrow. And then another day comes and nothing changes. And it just starts to feel like we're getting more and more disconnected from our kids. And actually, a lot of men feel really guilty about this and upset. So what are we going to do about that? Well, we're going to talk about it today. We're going to help come up with some tactics and strategies, help you reframe this whole subject so that actually you appreciate some of the perhaps more annoying times, shall we say, like, you know, when you're feeling like you're the taxi man, dad, dad, taxi, dad, taxi.

01:31 But basically, how we can create quality time with our kids all over the place. It is good to have you here. And this subject is, it came up really for two reasons. One, because one of the men I was working with, mentoring one-on-one, he actually said to me, so what is quality time with my kids? How do I like, how do I, how do I make it? And it's not that he's not a good dad, it's just that he's actually recently divorced and he's got his time with his kids, but he's working out how to make the most of it when they're there. And when they're busy doing their own thing, how does he feel about that? How does he let them get on with it?

02:14 And, you know, and how can he create those moments? The other part of that, this is that I've just come off the back of having my guys for the last nine days, which isn't actually that common. Well, I say that common. You know, we have them 50-50, but to have them in a nine-day block might happen in the summer holidays, but doesn't normally happen in the rest of the year. So I've got to be honest, although it's been exhausting, it's actually been pretty nice to not be jumping back and forward and juggling things like that. My car has been in the garage as well. The rear caliper got stuck on, which basically means the brakes were jammed on and I was driving along and it was like jogger, jogger, jogger.

02:58 I freaked out. It stanked like something was on fire. And I hobbled into the garage. Thankfully it was something pretty simple, although I'm still not convinced that it's not something a bit more sinister that might come back to bite me. If you're here for the first time, welcome. If you're a regular listener, then welcome back. My name is Johnny Jensen. I am the founder and head coach at the High Value Man Project. We are a community and a coaching program for modern motivated dads. Dads who want to create success at home and at work, really thriving across the board in their life so that they can have the life they desire, not one they feel stuck in.

03:40 This is a modern, I'm going to go as far to call it a modern disease, really. Too many men, too many dads just not existing, not enjoying life like they really want it to. And then the upset that comes with that, the fatigue, the isolation, the resignation, the frustration, even anger, all of it that comes with fundamentally not being happy about what's going on. So when we get to the bottom of that and we clear it all out the way, take full responsibility, putting yourself first, looking out for yourself, not in a selfish way, but how you perform, what you're up to, what your vision for life looks like, how you're managing your relationships, how you're managing the stresses in your life, like money,

04:30 like work, like relationships. So that when you're on top, everyone around you benefits. And now the camera's gone off. Why has the camera gone off? Let's have a little look, see if we can fix that. It shouldn't have. It's back. Hooray. Yeah, how we can fix it. So if you're interested in that, then come and get yourself over to the High Value Man Brotherhood, our complimentary group where... you get access to a lot of the foundational trainings and courses, like the core principles, the 3XC formula and the fire code to really help you level up.

05:11 You simply go to the highvalue manproject.com forward slash group and that'll invite you in there. And inside of that, you'll get to hear about the inner circle and the elite work that we do, where you can be part of the paid program and really get that hands-on coaching and mentoring to help you take control of yourself, of your money and your relationships and how much fun and adventure you're actually having in life. Because ultimately, that's what it's all about. And it really is like that with our kids as well. You know, we've just touched on two aspects of the fire code there, your relationships and the amount of fun and energy, the amount of energy you've got in your life. That's fun and adventure. And

05:54 it can be difficult. Like I've said, when they're little, you know, if you're busy working and this is on you, right, for managing your time. But if you're busy working and you come home and they're already in bed, you know, if you're commuting and you're working, right, then that's difficult. That's tricky. And what happens when they get used to that? What happens as a dad when the person that's always there is mum? That's not a criticism of mum. It's more like a reality check for us guys. If you want to create the relationships and the intimacy and the openness, then you've got to be available in your kids' life from the youngest possible age.

06:37 You know, really from day one, that whole kind of skin on skin experience, for me, it was the early mornings when my kids were just tiny and babies and they were just able to just lay on my on my chest in the mornings, stupidly early and wishing perhaps I was still in bed, but ultimately thinking, no, this is joy, this is magic, this, this kind of moments need to be savored. And when you come at it from like that, that sets the tone and your mindset. It sets the foundations for the relationship with your kids pretty much forevermore, really.

07:17 Now, there will be men listening to this that are going, oh, yeah, well, you don't understand. It's not that easy to just give that amount of time, or it's not that easy to just, but fundamentally in 2025, which we are in now, it should be possible. You know, most of the men listening to this are, you know, you're going to be probably business owners or somewhere down the line in your career at the age we're at. What's it take to manage your time so that you're there, so that you're enjoying some of these moments with your kids? You know, it's not always about the amount of time, you know, the old idea of quality over quantity.

07:56 And I think that's important as well. You know, you don't, it doesn't have to be some grand gesture. And if that's where your focus is at, then I don't think you're really setting yourself up to win. You know, a big blowout holiday once a year or twice a year doesn't really make up for not being around for the rest of the time. And I realize there's, you know, you could be in the army, you could be a work on the oil rigs. My dad had a friend who worked on oil rigs and he was away for like three months at the time. But the thing was, the time when he came back, he had three months at home and then he was like super dad, you know.

08:37 He was mad. He this guy, he was like a deep sea diver, like a deep, deep, deep sea diver. They used to have to go in these compression chambers for whatever, 12, 24 hours, maybe even longer to adjust themselves to be able to cope with the depths that they had to go and dive. Crazy, crazy Scottish guy. So, you know, when I talk about quality over quantity, making the most of the time, you know, creating routines that everybody can come to be used to, whether that's breakfast, whether it's, you know, bedtimes when they're little, but even bedtimes

09:14 when they're older, that moment, that sort of check-in, you know, finding a little moment to have a five-minute chat about how their day was. And not just how was your day, you know, ask open questions. Really invite the conversation. If you say to someone, oh, what was the best part of your day today? They've got to stop and think. And they've got to go, oh, well, you know what? It was this. Oh, that's interesting. You open the conversation up. How was your day? Fine. You don't really have much. There's nowhere to go when there's nowhere to go when that's all it is. Other things we did with my dad. I mean, car rides. I always used to make the most of car. car rides. And now, as they're teenagers, you know, they'll generally want to put their headphones in.

09:59 But simply asking them, like, okay, right, let's grab a coffee. Every kid loves to stop at Starbucks or something. And when you get back in the car, right, for the time we're going to drink these, let's chit-chat, you know, and then put your headphones back on after that. You have to actually engage and create these moments in time. And like, you know, as I've said, if it's a one-off and you've never ever done it before, well, they might find it weird. But if it's something you've built in, then they're going to be like, oh, yeah, of course, that's what we do. Of course, we talk. That's where you build the connection. That's where the foundation of this comes. Being present in their world, like not just looking at their phone whilst, looking at your phone whilst they're chatting.

10:42 You know, sitting around the dinner table, making mealtime something that you actually do together. The habits and routines that we create for ourselves are our environment. And that is on you as the leader of your family, as the leader in your own life, as the leader of the father to your kids. It's for you to create. What else have I done with my dad? Yeah, car rides, breakfasts, watching football, cooking, definitely cooking. My dad taught or embedded the importance of cooking into us when we were kids.

11:23 And laughing. You know, one of the, I think one of the, how would I put this? I think it's as simple as this. So many of my good memories, my wonderful, high-quality memories of times with my dad, my brother, with family, really with anybody, of course, but is laughing. Is the laughter, the experience of laughing together, of people's faces lighting up, of the thing that you're laughing about. You know, that is not something that

12:05 you can just fake, right? And in the realms of like, oh, well, how do we do that? Well, it's not about sitting there and telling jokes to each other, although lots of kids love that when they're little. But it's about being real. It's about, you know, not preaching, oh, you must do this and you mustn't do that. It's about really being real. Tell stories from your life. Relate to kids on their level. For me, that's a distinct part of how I feel connected to my kids and where I create the space for them to open up and talk to me about those things. Whether it's, you know,

12:44 Swopsies cards, like football cards when they're little or really basic stuff like Lego and how do I do this? Or why do birds fly, dad? You know, like random questions that kids love to ask. But when they become slightly older, you know, why, how do I make friends? Or what do I do when someone's horrible to me? Or how do I ask a girl out? Or what do I do when a girl dumps me? Or this kid's being a dick to me? Like, what do I do about it? Like, you, you create the space for those conversations when you've been real with your kids as well. You know, people will have different views about what they want to share from their youth with their kids.

13:26 But for me, my version of that is I'm pretty open with them. I don't tell them to the extent of some of the craziness that we got up to. There'll be a time and a place for that. But I don't really lie to them. You know, and obviously drugs and booze and things like that are probably the biggest one. But for me, the point on that is that none of your kids' friends are going to tell them, oh, well, what you really want to watch out for, or if you're not having a good time, or if something's, you know, you need to do this. And so if you then turn around to your kids and say, oh, no, I never did that one. Oh, no, you don't need to do that.

14:05 You know, then you don't get to share with them, actually, I'd really rather you didn't do that. But yeah, we did a bit of it when we were kids. And this is what you need to know. Like, actually, yeah, it's quite fun. But also, here's the downsides of it. Here's the risks. Here's what you need to be aware of. Here's what to do if you're not having a good time. And quite honestly, you're not old enough. You know, I was way older than you before then. I even knew about this stuff. And I'd like you to consider that you're too young. You basically, by being real with them, you give them the confidence to make their own choices. I don't think it works the other way around. And that in itself is about the connection. So that when your kids hear from their other friends how their parents are to them, they're like.

14:50 wow, my dad's not like that with me. And it's not about being a pushover. It's not about being, oh yeah, super dad, nice dad, fun time dad. No, not at all. It's about really clear boundaries. I'm very, I'm probably, some might say too lenient with my kids, but I'm also really stern and strong about the boundaries, about the rules that I do have in place. And I think that's important. I'd rather have more scope to give them more freedom to make mistakes and get things wrong. But having them know based on experience, based on our relationship, based on everything that's gone before, that this thing that I said is serious, like you need to be home at this time, or you need to ring me and let me know what's going on or where you're at.

15:39 Then that's where they say, oh, yeah, that's the boundary. That's where my dad needs to be able to count on me. And that's what I want to encourage you to work out for yourself. Like, what does that look like? What are your parameters? Now, one of my favorite sayings is relationship over results. You know, if you're constantly hammering your kids about what they should and shouldn't be doing, about what they need to do at school, to the detriment of your relationship, then was it worth it? Was the thing that you were trying to create worth

16:21 jeopardizing your relationship? You know, what's his name? Tiger Woods and the William sisters. I think quite famously, their parents very pushy and involved in helping them get to the top of their game. And there'll be factors in that that made that important to them. And I can't do it. I've tried. I've got to be honest. I probably would have been more pushy. But when I tried with my kids when they were younger around like the big weather thing in some parts of the UK called the 11 Plus, it's an exam that kids when they're 11 take to choose what pathway they go through into the next round of school, secondary schools. And I tried.

17:02 I tried not like push my kids into it, but try to motivate them like past this because it's a good experience. Pass this because you'll have more choices. Pass this because I think you're actually pretty capable and you will have a more, from my perspective, a more enjoyable time at the better schools. He was only willing to go to a certain level. And my daughter wasn't so much at all. So I know here they are as teenagers. There's only a certain level that I can push them to perform. And then how I do that is by getting them inspired and excited about, well, here's what's possible for you if you do do that.

17:43 What do you want to go and be? What does that look like? What's your skills and interests? Because even that level of conversation is about me putting myself in their world. And I guess that's a bit serious, right? That might sound like, oh, yes, sure, Johnny. How many conversations like that are you going to have? Yeah, probably not many. But in a similar vein, being interested in their life, what sports they're interested in, what games they play on their computer, what music they're listening to. And we all know as parents, most of we don't want to listen to the music our kids are listening to. But can you have a conversation about the music you listen to or find a common ground?

18:21 It's never been so easy to access music and movies and share. Oh, right, we'll put on music you like on the way there and put on music that I like on the way back, or we'll make a jukebox go like one song at a time. Make a list of movies that you think everyone should watch so that you create this connection, so that you create these shared experiences and this relatedness. Because part of your kids' identity, they know inherently inside of them that they are at the very least 50% you. So backfilling that, helping them realize, helping them hear that you're interested in their world and allowing them the opportunity to get to know you better.

19:05 It's all part of creating quality time with our kids. So a couple of my last bits and notes here. Ah, yeah, sort of the reframe for single dads. You know, here we are about to hit 20 minutes. There will be some single dads that have been listening to this and saying, well, you don't understand, Johnny. Well, I do understand. I am a single dad. I spent four years fighting for 50-50 contact with my kids. And although I saw them a good percentage of the time before that, it was still imperative to me to get that time. Not all dads will get that out the back of divorce. And it is difficult. But I want you to catch yourself from. from thinking about how it should be.

19:48 And because it's the should that will eat you up. It's the should that will have you so amped up and anxious for the little bit of time that you have got with them that you actually unintentionally ruin it. I can share with you and we have done on other podcasts and we will do on future ones experiences of men whose relationships with their kids have been pretty tricky and stretched, almost non-existent even, for great periods of time when their kids were little. And then when they've got to 18, they've made their own choices up.

20:24 They've walked up to them in a pub and said, hi, I think you're my dad. They lived on the other side of the world and decided actually what they really wanted to do is come to university in England and, you know, and really build that relationship with their dad because they loved him and wanted to spend more time with him. These stories are real and they are possible. It doesn't mean it's easy. I really get that. But when they're with you, really savor it. You know, plan your time and schedule in advance so that the time they're with you, you're not distracted. You've got nothing else going on. You are 100% dad.

21:06 Because then you know and they know that you made the most of it, that you squeezed every ounce out of that time. And whilst it's not necessarily relevant to this topic so much, but I will drop it in here. Be really cautious about saying to your kids, I miss you. It was something that someone shared with me. And I do think it applies to dads still in their family set up, in their traditional family setup, is that when we say, I'm going to miss you, it creates this idea in our kids about the separation. Like when we're not apart, there's some kind of unhappiness that should exist. It's like a conditioning. The idea of missing someone is sad.

21:51 It is difficult. And if you just adjust that, so that you say things like, wow, have a great time. I can't wait to see you when you get back. I can't, I'm sorry you've got to go right now, but I can't wait to be together again next week. It completely flips this idea that this period of time is going to be upsetting into something like, I'm busy. I'm going to be doing stuff. I've got a lot going. Like it's going to be a, it's going to be a, you don't even need to quantify it that much. But between now and then, I'm doing it. I'm doing something. I can't wait to see you then. I'm excited about seeing you then. I'm looking forward to seeing you then. It's a completely different flavor and color to I will miss you.

22:35 I believe that quality time with our kids is one of the most precious and rewarding things a man can give himself. So do not, whatever it takes, do not rob yourself of this opportunity. You know, in reality, we get some kind of 18 summers, 18 Christmases with our kids before they're really adults and who knows what they're up to. The real, real fun part of that is about nine or ten years, nine or ten Christmases, nine or ten summers. Think about that. My kids are 15 and 13. You know, we were talking with my boy the other day about going to America next year when the World Cup's on.

23:17 And he said to me, well, you know, that would be pretty much the last sort of year we'll be doing a family holiday. You know, and I'm like, what? Yeah. And it's the truth. This September will be 16. Next September will be 17. So next summer, it'll be the summer before his 17th birthday. I'm not sure he's going anywhere quite that quick, but it is a reality. So make the most of this time. Savour being dad. Be present and available. Be vulnerable and real. Most of all, and I'll leave you with this. Let your kids know. One of my favorite sayings is, I've got your back. I have got your back. I love you.

23:58 I'll see you next week. I've got your back if you need me. I hope this has been a value. Like I said at the beginning, the High Value Man Project is the number one place for motivated modern dads who want to create the life they desire, not one they feel stuck in. If you're not in our community yet, in our free open community, then come and get yourself in there. You just go to the highvalue manproject.com forward slash group and you will be invited in. There is a free masterclass in there called the U2.0. And everything that we do inside the inner circle and the elite, there is enough of it in the open group for you to make adjustments into your life, for you to improve the relationships with.

24:39 your wife, with your kids, to really be the success both at home and at work. I know that you want to be. It's been great having you here. I look forward to seeing you in the next episode. And on that note, be sure, of course, to share this with other men in your world who you think may benefit from it. And it would really help if you left a review over on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. Okay, men, I'll see you next week. Take easy. Thanks for tuning in to the Johnny Jensen show. Be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with fellow dads.

25:17 Creating the life you deserve starts with you. Get your high-value man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvalumanproject.com. Let's go.