Be The Man And Dad You Want To Be This Christmas & New Year

00:00 Being a man and dad at Christmas, making it the time that you want it to be, that your family want it to be, that you thought about Christmas being when you were a kid, bringing it to life now. It can and should be the thing that all men do for themselves and their family. Let's go. Welcome to the Johnny Jensen Show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches, relationships, and results they deserve. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community at highvalue manproject.com.

00:38 Let's go. Hello, men. Good to have you back here. A Christmas message for you all, which terribly time-stamps podcast. If you're listening to this and thinking, oh, it's not Christmas anymore, then keep listening because this isn't just about Christmas. We are a community, a program for modern, motivated dads, men who are creating the lives that they desire rather than the one they feel stuck in. Success and home at work, because success without happiness really isn't the result that any of us are striving for. And that's what we do here inside the High Value Man Project. That's what I bring you here inside this episode, this show, this Johnny Jensen Show podcast.

01:20 If you're listening for the first time, it's great to have you here. And if you're a return listener, which there are many of you, please be sure to subscribe. And I need more reviews. Basically, go to Apple Podcasts on your mobile, hit the little three dots and leave a review on Spotify. Pretty similar. Hit the three dots, leave a review. Dead easy. And it helps promote the show, basically. It's Christmas. I am recording this. It's about to be about six o'clock on Christmas Eve. Christmas has always been a has it been important? Yeah, it's been important in our family.

01:59 Is it special? Yeah, it's special because we choose to make it special. I have had the pleasure of lots of good Christmases, lots of time spent with family. And as I shared on the single dad special a couple of weeks ago, some curious, unexpectedly, they had the potential to be poor Christmases, but they turned out to be fun. And I've just been to my daughter's nativity play at the church youth group she goes to. And my ex-wife was there naturally. So here we are. October the 5th, 2015 is when we broke up. And this year we are obviously, it's Christmas 2025.

02:42 So we're 10 years since that breakup. I remember Christmas 2015 bit shit. Got to be honest. I can't remember the specifics of it. I do remember New Year's Eve, sat there on my own with a glass of red wine thinking it doesn't get much worse than this. But the good perspective on that is that the only way is up, baby. And that really should always be the message. Whatever you're up to, there should always be a, could we make it even better next year? Like, what would it take? What would it take to go 1% better or even 10% better?

03:20 And then the reality of it not always being perfect, of being comfortable in that, of being able to look back on all the great Christmases you've had and be able to say, yeah, this isn't quite what I would plan, but I'm going to make the most of it. And I'm going to make damn sure that next year is the one. And I guess that's kind of what my message is, is for you all today. You know, I'm not sure that I did the intro that much justice. I just came upstairs to fire off an email, like a Christmas message email. And I thought, let's turn it into the podcast. So here we are, literally off the cuff. Family is one of my core values.

04:06 I've had the privilege, the blessing, the good fortune of growing up in a family where fun and love and laughter was an integral part of everything that we showed up for. My mum sadly died when I was nine, but those Christmases before she passed, my memories of it, it was always, it has to be big. It has to be full of family and friends and laughter and joy. And that's what I remember it. I remember some of them.

04:43 Always a lot of people around the table. And then people showing up, people arriving at the door, like friends of my folks, literally turning up at various points during Christmas Day, ringing the bell, coming in, you know, a lot of noise and energy. energy and good times, good, good times. And so to the degree that I've been able to carry that on, you know, I remember the first Christmas that my now ex-wife and I were together, she was, she, we were at my aunt's who became my mum figure. And she said at the end of the day, that's the best Christmas I've ever had.

05:22 And I was like, oh, good, pleased, glad, but like, we didn't do much, did we? And she said, well, Christmases for me have normally been about rows, have been about upset and tears and disagreements, you know, like some days of our lives, EastEnders, Christmas special bullshit. Like if who you are is we row on Christmas Day, then commit to that being different. Like, I don't know when you're going to be listening to this before Christmas Day. It's going to be published in about half an hour. So you've got about five and a bit hours if you're in the UK to listen to it before Christmas Day kicks in.

06:01 But here's the thing about being a man, right? Is that we get to choose how things go. Now, if things aren't going well for you, consider that's on you. At some point, like if you're talking about the relationship or you're talking about how Christmas is going to pan out, or you're talking about it not being the way you want it to be, maybe you're not seeing the people you want to see or it's not the way you want it to be or you're, or it's not going to be as much fun. To some degree, you let that happen. You created that. Now, if the relationship is out of whack and there's stress and strain in the relationship, it will go back as far as you can see.

06:42 Like, where did you stop leading in your relationship? Where did you stop showing up as not like the man, like I'm the man, but stop showing up as the charismatic force in your relationship is the space for your partner, your wife to thrive, but also for you to feel like you've got a voice, you've got to say, like you're not always like asking to go to the pub or asking to see your mates or apologizing for things or doing the washing up in the hope that you get some sex. Like that's not a charismatic, modern, confident man in the relationship. It's about, I've just finished reading, rereading Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

07:27 It's about creating these win-win situations. Whereas a team, as a partnership, as a marriage, you're able to look at what would it be like for you to have your ideal Christmas? Okay, great. This is what I would like to do for it to be my ideal Christmas. Like where can we create something, not compromise to the nth degree so you both get a shit version of what you actually wanted, but what would it look like to mesh that together, to create a super, a super version of it? What is it? Like a remix or a hybrid, you know, like what would it take to evolve this so it's even better than the original?

08:08 That's the kind of relationship where two people thrive. That's the kind of Christmas day where you can get up and have it all go well. You know, these people that get frustrated and have arguments and it's not fair and resentment and oh, he's flipping your uncle's coming over and I hate him. Like either don't have him over or if he is coming, you say to him, listen, mate, if you're coming, you need to be like this or you need to not do that. Otherwise, off. That's how you show up. Right. And for your kids, Christmas for me was always special. You know, Father Christmas, stockings, presents by the tree, running down.

08:50 The morning was always like a crazy o'clock time. And I think back to my kids being little and you kind of have to put something. We'll all remember those times when they're like, what time is it? What time is it? It's 3.45. Like, no, I'm not sure by the Christmas, aka Santa has even been yet. Just go back to bed. It's got to be, it has to be at least five. And, but then the idea that you can't get up at five for your kids, like Christmas, the idea that five is too early and you're going to send them back to bed for an hour. I mean, sure, I remember those times as a kid myself, sitting there waiting.

09:33 Close you haven't gone back to bed, you're sitting there with your brother, be like, can we, can we? But it's on us, on us as the man to bring that magic, magic, to generate it for our kids, to put the Christmas cheer into Christmas. You know, and even when they get, get older, you know, Christmas is always better with Santa. Christmas is always better with Father Christmas. So whatever age your kids are, like, have that spirit of Christmas be there. The degree of surprise, the degree of joy, breakfast, coffee in the morning, cup of tea, whatever.

10:10 It looks like presents. And, you know, one of the things we all, my mum and her family always had, you open a present at a time. Now, this twists some people's heads off. The idea that you have to sit and wait for each person to open their present, bizarre for anyone that's not done it. But equally, I found it, find it incredibly weird. I've been involved in Christmases. We won't say who, but you know, the presents were piled, each person's presents were piled up in front of them. Of course, you do Father Christmas in the morning and then you do family presents later on in the day. Again, that makes sense to me because if you do it all in the morning, then what else have you got left to celebrate during the day?

10:53 But yeah, so going back to the family thing, put the pile of presents in front of everybody, right? And then say, right, is that it? Is the tree empty? Yeah, it's empty. Go. And everyone just like tears their presents open. You can't, it's bedlam. There's paper flying everywhere. There's like, oh, look what I got. No one cares what you got because they're focused on unwrapping their presents. There's no joy. There's no like magic in the giving. Like, who gave you that? Oh, this is from so and so. Oh, that's nice. Oh, good. Okay. Let me get another one out from the tree and pass it on. Okay, this give this to your to your grandma. It's this is this is from you to your grandma. Oh, nice one. Okay. I'm not telling you how you have to run your Christmas, right? But

11:38 if your experience of Christmas Day or in fact, the whole Christmas thing from Christmas Eve, I know you don't do Boxing Day in America, but you know, you have that at Thanksgiving, that whole weekend thing. If the experience for Christmas for you doesn't have enough joy and laughter in it, put it in. Look at ways you can bring that to life and make it special, you know, so that your kids grow up with that experience of family. There's a family value being instilled there. There's the value of giving. There's the value of gratitude. There's the value of celebrating like each other, of celebrating our faith.

12:19 You know, it doesn't matter which faith you are, but, you know, it doesn't even matter if it's not your date of the year when your faith celebrates. Like literally, hallelujah. Praise, praise to God, praise to Jesus, praise to whoever you believe in, right? So much rigidity around what you can do on what day and what we're here for. And I get if you're fully Christian, this is a very important time of year. But the message I would like to think of all faiths and certainly of Christianity is about family, is about looking out for each other. It is about forgiveness. It is about bringing the joy.

13:02 Looking out for your neighbors, making a stand for things that you believe in, being a role model, making the difference for the people in your life. Christmas is about love and laughter. So if there's people in your life that you've got a strained relationship with, consider what it would look like for yourself, let alone them, to build those bridges. What would it take over this Christmas period to make that call to let them know that, I don't know, that you're sorry or that you missed them or that you are going to make sure you see them more often next year?

13:39 Like an old friend, someone you fell out with, life's short. What does it take to make a friend these days? And yet you may well have old friends that you've allowed to fall out of touch with. Put the effort in, bring that energy. Be the kind of person that is always interested in what other people are up to in bringing the joy, in making a difference. Because it's not about you burning yourself out or desperately trying to prove yourself to be something special or better than anybody else. It's not about that at all. It's just about deciding, yeah, I'm going to be high value.

14:22 I'm going to be able to forgive. I'm going to be able to rise up above problems. I'm going to be able to bring the joy. I'm going to be able to celebrate. I'm going to be able to, you know, be grateful for what we've got. I'm going to be able to have a clear vision of what we've created. You know, we will be talking more next week and into the new year about planning and vision and setting goals for the 2026. You know, the internet's full right now of, oh, make some goals, set some plans. Yeah, that's really important. But let's do that in a couple of days' time. Let's do that before the new year or over the new year. The thing to do right now is be grateful for 2025.

15:00 To take a moment, whether it's tonight, whether it's at some point over the next few days, but to take a peaceful moment with yourself, whether you go for a walk, with it, you sit down with a beer and have a look at everything good that happened in 2025. Have a look that everything went right and really get a sense of gratitude for that. And even the things that didn't go right. Because it's very, very easy to look at the things that didn't go well and be pissed off about it, to have the raging ass at a situation or someone.

15:37 But if you do that, there's every chance that you will fail to see the lesson or the opportunity in the experience. Like that was a bit twisted. What did I get from it? What have I seen about myself? How have I grown from it? What kind of relationships have come about because of it? And when you start to notice all the things that you can be grateful for, the good times and the bad times, it fills you up. It triggers different chemicals in your body, whether that's dopamine, if it's reconnected with people you love and oxytocin. Like these are the important feel-good chemicals that as humans, we thrive upon.

16:24 We crave them. And when we're not actively creating them or we lose touch with how we can generate these things, how we can show up in a way that has us be that kind of person, then it gets very dark. It's that downward, low-value death spiral. It gets lonely. It gets difficult. Things get strained. So that's my little message of gratitude and good fortune for us all, really, is to enjoy these next few days, not just as a splurge, but as a real opportunity to reconnect with the people you love, to be grateful for everything you've been through this year, to feel the love coming back at you when you give it out.

17:07 And share this. You know, you don't know the difference a message like this makes to people. You don't know what place they're in in their life. Whether it's me saying this or whether it's you saying it to them, you have no idea what the simple, generous act of saying these words could mean for someone. They could have had a shocking time. They could have kept it all themselves. They could have been hoping, praying that if they could just get through this time, they could just push on another, however long, it'll all be all right. But it takes something like this, someone like you to make the difference.