Attract And Create The Relationship Of Your Dreams

00:00 In this episode of the Team Superdad podcast, I'm talking relationships and how you can attract or create the perfect one with mindset and dating expert Dominic Drew. Roll theme! Welcome to team super dad real dads creating their best lives ever more time more money more fun You are not alone your on Team Super Dad Hey dads, mums, listeners everybody around the world it's great to have you back here on the Team Stupid Dad Podcast. If it's your first time welcome welcome welcome!

00:41 I need a drink, what am i talking about? Welcome it's great to have you here. This is the Team Superdad Podcast today! I've got an awesome guest on well hopefully they're always awesome but relationships and dating and stuff like that turns out as I think we all know it's kind of all about mindset really and so when Dominique Drew the Dating & Mindset Coach And I got talking, and thought okay this is good we've got to definitely get you on the podcast. So here she is today! The Team Superdad gang welcome if it's your first time then we are a community of dads creating our best lives ever We are transforming our health wealth and happiness To live the life we desire not the life we feel stuck in And we do that over in The Hero Academy which there is the next intake coming up in March

01:33 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie The One-on-one, a more focused conversation on one of the key elements of the Team Superdad F5 which is focus fitness finance family and fun. And today's conversation very much sits in the family and fun side but as Domini rightly points out your mindset if your mindset is out in terms of relationships then it will be out everywhere

02:25 If your mind sets out in terms of money, then it's going to be out in terms of relationships. You've got to get present to where you are experiencing resistance or challenge in one area is going to be happening in all areas and the positive side of that is when you can create a breakthrough in one area, you're gonna experience that breakthrough in all areas so I know you're gonna enjoy this as always come and watch Watch us if you want on Facebook and the groups, so search groups for Team Superdad or on YouTube. We are team super dad channel so just youtube.com forward slash TeamSuperDad and come be sure to join up set the notifications on click that bell and if you're listening to the podcast please subscribe and leave us a review. Reviews are so powerful in helping spread the word of The Team Super Dad Podcast

03:17 Get on with it. And without further ado, enjoy today's conversation with Domini Drew. Hey Domini! Good to have you here on the Team Superdad podcast welcome Thank you so much for having me. I'm very honored to be here! Ah, well good... Our uh... What's it called? Our reputation must be proceeding as seen... It is miles and miles ahead of you. Which is quite exciting the podcast is growing and that's obviously what we hope as well but we're on like 60 odd coming towards 70 episodes now So yeah You'd like to think it would

03:59 The And by the way, if you're here for the first time then this is useful information for you. So once a week we have kind of serious but also casual conversation like this I say serious because we are talking about one of the key areas of the Team Superdad which is...I guess we're in sort of family and fun area around relationships But there's F5 which is focus fitness finance family and fun

04:38 And so we work with dads, both single dads. Dads in relationships basically real dads that want to create their best life ever And so, yes we have these conversations once a week and then on the Friday we do something called The Wrap Up which is me normally a guy called Glenn occasionally different dads where we just wrap up our week. It's kind of like if you were able to go to the pub or to the bar but just two guys talking crap and having a laugh. That makes me miss going to the pub I miss that a lot! Who's hot? I remember Friends. It was great! Yeah, we've got a feature called Hot in the 90s which came about because we realized that we couldn't perv over women that were hot. Obviously older women are hot right but how come you don't know who like the young kind of

05:33 You know, like the young models and pop singers are like... And it's like well because they're the same age as our kids. Because they're 17 and there's just something that feels a little... A bit weird so we twisted it to hot in the 90s and then we have a bit of... Oh I love that! So you can perv on people who were perving on in the 90s? Yes and then we can go have look at how their looking now which reminds us also that we're not quite as young as we used to be Do you know who it would be for me was the girl on Boy Meets World, Topanga. Do you remember Topanga? I have had a little bit of Boy Meets Girl because they rebooted like Girl Meets World with the dot. Oh they did didn't they haven't seen the new one but we tried and it's

06:21 We tried it with my kids, but it was just a bit too old. They're like if there's no reference to cell phones or the internet and she kind of just goes over their head a little bit. Yep! What are you guys even doing with your time? Oh never mind, just don't mind. Domini, we got connected around the whole relationship subjects and that's what we're going to talk about today but actually your focus is around mindset and working with people Why don't you do yourself justice and give a little bit of an intro for yourself, for our listeners.

06:58 Yeah, absolutely. So I do focus my marketing or my message around helping single men attract life partner through personal and relationship coaching Once you sort of scratch the surface though of either working with me Or even sort of diving into my presence online or anything like that You see that it's not very much about dating And the reason for that is because while it solves the dating problem It doesn't do so through tips and tricks Yeah, or different techniques because nobody has dating problems like like nobody it's like the most intuitive Natural evolutionarily easy thing to do is like eat sleep and mate right? Like you're naturally we already want to do this and yet there are all these problems around it. So what tends to happen Is that you have personal problems that show up in your dating life

07:52 So the way I help men through the struggles they have is by solving the underlying issue, the place where they're subconsciously self-sabotaging. And once that is cleared it solves the underlying problem that's causing your dating issue and the dating problem itself is solved. Yeah! This is going to be quite uncomfortable for me because obviously Anyone who's listened to the podcast regularly knows I'm a pretty much an open book, right? So i'd love to say that. I have every box ticked and I'm smashing it in all areas but part of the team super dad journey is my journey And sharing that with all the coaches and experts You know I'm however many 10-15 years on this journey of personal development and growth

08:41 There's still areas where I've got to have breakthroughs and relationships and dating. It's not just my marriage that didn't quite work out, but looking back at different relationships, I get to see just like you're talking about oh yeah i can see what went on there or when I was in school how come I used to ask out The Hanging on to the relationship for dear life and either suffocating, not literally suffocating her but squeezing the joy out of it or staying in it for too long when clearly it wasn't actually working out. And then work that I've done, I've kind of worked out and realised that was part to do with my mum dying and you know, my association with love and relationships has been a little bit out of whack

09:45 That's part of it for many people, isn't it? They'll have experiences from their past that is governing how they are reacting in relationships or how they feel about approaching someone they're attracted to. Is that where people need just start looking? Yes and no! Yes, that is the place... No, It won't do you any good to start looking there because by definition The places that you're seeking are in the subconscious Okay. So that's why it helps to have, not that you can't have realizations about yourself, you definitely can a realization by definition is something coming usually unbidden from the subconscious to the conscious but you can't control

10:25 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen When you were a kid, right? You had a negative experience and it lodges in your subconscious because children generalize their life experience. Right so they experienced something It's like the whole world is like that all women are like that all men are like that her life is Unsafe right this huge sort of big overarching statements Yeah And you don't even realize that you believe them but you they lodge in the subconscious and then you live the rest of your life as if They're true So then we get to the place of

11:21 Where you're talking about, where you're projecting out something that you don't even realize that you are projecting out. And it's messing up your life! Okay... Well right so in order for this conversation to flow nicely I think you should leave me a little bit otherwise i'm going to ask loads of random questions. Random questions are great too! Enjoy the conversation but there is a danger if I just throw stuff at you we will end up confusing people OK, so here's a good question to start them right. So why do people struggle to find their ideal relationship? Like what what's going on that's having people either mess up their relationship or struggle to find the one they desire?

12:04 Good. So, essentially what we've been given here or what we sort of incarnated into is the most technologically advanced vehicle on the planet and it's awesome! It does all sorts of things. We have physical body and emotions and mental and psychology. We have a psyche spiritual component. We have all these elements but unfortunately we forgot to get the owner's manual So it's as if you're driving the sexiest F1 car you can possibly imagine that just turns on a dime and it's got that incredible responsiveness, but you're trying to steer with the rearview mirror. Yeah and we talking about the human body here! We're talking about ourselves like...we don't know how our own system right yet And we don't understand why we're getting in life what we're getting

12:59 So my process essentially is I kind of read you your owner's manual, show you what it is that you're doing without realizing it. That's giving you what you're getting right? That's attracting to you what it is that you're attracting so the question is why don't... Why aren't we able to find our ideal relationships? It's because we have one foot on the gas and one foot on the brake The The Jonnie Jensen Show,

14:01 And once you become aware of that, which can happen in like a session. It doesn't need to take years and years and there are number of reasons for that but even within a session you can realize oh my god this is why not only this has been happening but all of the entire pattern because whatever your experiencing is part of the pattern and the entire pattern can clear The Jonnie Jensen Show,

14:44 So we're talking about apprehension or a fear or an over-concern to hold things tightly. We don't approach the situation open minded and open hearted, what? Are we reserved are we fearing it or just don't know... What do we do? Mess it up when we get there or we don't even go there? One of the other. Okay so it could be both. Sabotage in one form yeah I mean as you said you didn't even approach the woman you wanted Yeah, the assumption was so profound that you couldn't get her that you didn't even bother trying it out. You were already... you already decided on the outcome? No and for single people like especially if we live in a bigger city or something and we have not got a stupid pandemic going on then you see attractive people all time right? And you kind of want to

15:33 I would love to go and say to her, you're really attractive. Uh...I'm not a freak! Um... And have you got a boyfriend? Or are you in a relationship because if not... Not a freaky statement is it?! Like you wouldn't expect someone to scream or run like that. People think that in their heads yeah they think that they think They're like oh my god that would be way too aggressive women don't want to be approached I hear that all the time Yeah! I used to as well, but I tell you what somebody comes up to me even- oh I don't want approach somebody in the gym. Like all these rules that we put in place about like what the other person wants First of all You can't possibly know who wants to be approached in a gym and who doesn't? You can't! Women are not all the same They are radically different creatures. You can't make any sense of it All you can do is tune in see if it feels good to you in the moment And if it does you follow that impulse she reacts badly That's why she reacts badly your life isn't over

16:31 You know, but if you make the rule up and you decide for her like you did with the attractive woman that you really wanted. She's not going to want me I'll ask her friend And so in that way a couple things happen Do mind using an example? No no feel free go for it So a couple of things happened in just that simple statement you've outlined a lot of your pattern What is happening in your human system right? So... You were projecting onto her First you were feeling afraid Right? Probably some fear of rejection or something along those lines, not to put words in your experience. But something where you were pretty sure she was going to say no. You then were afraid she was going to say no, decided that she was going to and that you were right in order to protect yourself from actually having to experience that disappointment And...and in that way a couple things happened. You gave away your power. You decided that she was better than you having never even asked her out

17:28 So already you are giving her your value, which she neither wants nor deserves. And then secondly you are projecting onto her using that a little bit as an excuse same thing is like the gym oh women don't want to be approached in the gym. Do women not want to be approached or do you... Are you afraid to approach them there? Because I don't know anywhere where someone doesn't want to be told that they're attractive. But either way, again it's not for you to know and it's not for you to decide some women are going to love it some women are going to hate it that woman is either gonna be your wife or she's not what do you want to do with your day?

18:05 Well, and that's how you see... I don't mean to disrespect people but i am going to. That's how you see ugly short blokes with hot wives! Is that? Oh assuming it was an open sort of situation cars on the table we know he just had to say to her you're amazing and she was knocked off her feet by his love and attention maybe as well. Quite possibly because honestly what attracts People mix up attraction with beauty a lot. I don't know if you've come across this in your coaching, but there's people saying oh well i'm not attractive and like what you mean is you're not like aesthetic... Beauty is being aesthetically appealing right? It's the symmetry of your face and stuff like that Attraction is this magnetic

18:56 It goes out and it gets you. It's magnetism, it pulls you to its literally attraction like an actual magnet And that comes regardless of what your exterior looks like So the way I'm able to get results for a lot of guys across the map of how handsome they are is because once you light up that spark inside and you radiate That's wildly attractive to all sorts of women So yeah, seeing an uneven couple as far as attractiveness is not weird to me at all. No of course and that's what everyone needs to realise it's not weird is just that person, all things being equal in a good guy he has created energy that lights up the room attracts people towards him

19:47 So, okay. So how do we tap into that? How do we... because we can come back to the how do we deal with the concern of approaching someone but how does someone tap into that innate inner force that we all have in us if we allow it to come out of being the person lights up the room and having that magnetism Yeah It's actually the same process of the fear of approaching The process that I use and there are different methods to do this mine is I've seen it work like thousands of times and never seen it not work. When I stumbled upon this work, we'll go into that later but I was a very different person than I am now so it's a very direct process So where do you start? Any moment you can start. Hmm...I'm afraid to approach this woman at the gym That's interesting Alright cool let's stop and look at that First if you just stop there If you just stop and look

20:45 Stop your life, stop your mind for just a minute and look at what's happening in your body. Right? Which is the present moment then you get a whole slew of data that you didn't have before So we sort of go, oh well I don't want to approach a woman in the gym but that's because women don't like being approached in the gym. Boom! It's not my fault. I'm dismissing the reaction that I'm having in my body which is Don't approach her. Don't do it. It's not gonna go well. Which is my system speaking to me? I don't know what it means That's interpretation of the data which is different Let's just look at what is actually happening We tend not to take seriously that which is occurring within us

21:29 And then we're confused as to why we don't understand, you know why can get anywhere in life. But the data is here in the moment and so if you notice boy it's interesting I was really afraid speak that woman at the gym but then I had a 10 minute conversation with receptionist on my way out that's interesting! I wonder what that's about? Oh, okay. So maybe I'm not afraid of all rejection? Maybe it's just redheads or maybe it's just this or that... Actually she looked kind of like my sister! That's interesting. You see what I mean? And so actually there is this massive amount of data and I am using the word data intentionally. Data is ball rolling down incline

22:13 You don't go, oh that ball should roll down that incline the same pace every time. That must mean all things rolled... It's like well no hold on in the interpretation of the data that's where our human mind gets in there and our human mind is tainted because we've had all of our life experience and we think we know who you are and we think we know how life is and both those things are inaccurate so when you look at the data Just as data, not assume you know what it means or even guess what it means. Then you begin to have access to all of this new information see the keyword is new right? The distinction I made earlier was the conscious versus the subconscious mind The reason I know that all of your problems lie in the subconscious Is because you're a pretty smart guy and if this were something you could have figured out with your brain You would've done so by now Yeah good point yeah Which means you can't access it By definition

23:14 So, what you need is new information. Where do you get the new information? You're living your life in your head. You're used to your story. You know who you think you are. You know who you think other people think you are. The question now becomes, Who am I really? And the answer to that lies in the authentic responses of your body. If you are at the gym and one woman you go, Mmm not approaching her notice that stop it imagine that had The Jonnie Jensen Show,

23:53 I'm going to leave it as interesting. Two minutes later, there's a woman doing abs and she makes an easy joke back. That was actually quite easy! Or every time it is a woman, it is this or that. Notice the thoughts that come up. In this way you open this valve of new information guaranteed 100% accurate Because it's not going through your mind, you're not interpreting it through your human system. You're just authentically experiencing it does that make sense? Yes so like you're seeing it but you're not questioning it, you know adding meaning to it... Right! ...You are just noticing it as oh that's interesting I'm

24:43 What if you see, if it's someone... Oh I'm attracted to her. I'm not attracted to her well then that's different because you're not gonna be... You might just chat with that one but the significance of oh because I'm attracted to that one talking to her now has taken on a whole different level of significance. It might! Where I would have casually said hey how is going? To the one I want to talk about but the one that I wanted actually like me and maybe engineer conversation where we might end up having coffee or date Now I'm like, oh my gosh. Can I? Should I? What will I say? Will she say no? So yeah that's the point you're making two women to human beings to Two conversations probably very similar in all respects Except one of them. I want to pan out a different way than the other Mm-hmm And so you then get in your own way that then triggers the self sabotage Why that's what we would find out

25:40 There was some underlying reason why is there more pressure with the one you're attracted to than not? Yeah, because the worst that's going to happen is... well I guess the worst that can happen is she's gonna scream and run in the other direction. Now that unrealistic sort of concern yeah or that she might implode into a gelatin sort of mush on the floor That's probably unrealistic as well. That happened to me once She's gonna kick you in the balls or something like that, you know. All those fears are quite ridiculous and really unlikely. Probably the worst thing she can say is get off me freak I'm working out! Or sorry I'm married... No thanks. So either one of those situations will you live through them? Yeah exactly that's the point they're not that bad They're really not that bad One of

26:30 I mean, I've been fortunate enough. I was married to a very attractive woman and also attraction as well is the two significant relationships that I've had in my life. Um, I thought they were beautiful like the most beautiful. That's why they were this significant relationship but obviously just someone else one person's Claudia Schaefer is another person's Beyonce or whatever But I've lost my train of thought here completely. Beautiful wife! Yeah, I know what you think about two exes now. So the woman yes, it was gay pride in Brighton right so nice to live in Brighton. Fun! So it was just a wild party and I was walking down the street

27:15 And we walked, I was with a friend of mine Jonathan. We walked past this group of people and there's blonde woman who just stood out and I was like oh my gosh did you see her? An then he said you should go talk to her so that was unbelievably uncommon. So I literally turned around went back and tapped on the shoulder and said hi your stunning. I think pretty much said something like that right? And and we ended up dating for about it was quite a wild three months. But but yeah, in that moment I stopped her in the street and she was like oh wow great that's cool here's my number and we ended up dating like but... How about that? It was a party situation so my inhibitions were down

28:11 But all that really means is you were less afraid. Yeah, less afraid totally! In which case what if you did that every time you saw a woman? That was super incredibly beautiful... You don't even need to ask them out just to approach them and acknowledge the connection yeah what difference would that make so as a woman you're an attractive woman this is something that men create as a fear More often than not, I think men probably create this as a fear that doesn't really exist. But then your point earlier as well which is really powerful and important is that if we're doing that in our relationship sort of bucket, in the subject of relationships

28:57 We're likely doing in other areas. Massively, yes! A choice of job or a decision to move to different country or have children don't have children like that these are significant decisions where a fear-based concern you're going to have that in those other areas life as well? Yes it's exactly right and that's because its in you so you take it anywhere you go You know, approaching an attractive woman like man I'm with you guys. I have a lot of sympathy like women are terrifying! Like we can be very very scary creatures and in Britain oh man in Britain and Europe there's like a cruelty that can come out that I don't think we really do as much here but they'll sometimes just they'll just come just at you.

29:47 You know, I can't believe you would even suggest that as if they're somehow better than you because they have makeup on their face and breasts. Like, I don't understand how that increases your value but like to me first of all to me just like personally That is one of the cruelest things that you can do to a person To me if I was ever hanging out with someone And they did that to someone who approached them which I would never hang out with that type person Just on so many levels Like, acknowledge what she had done and I would probably get up and leave. Because to me that is... On the other hand my personal rant aside on the other hand she has now shown you who she is Yes see like actually she's got quite a nasty sharp tendency Also she could be protecting herself as well She could put in a massive barrier straight-up Maybe but it's not the type of person you want to take home No not at all What you really want someone who might say

30:47 Wow, that's amazing. I'm actually dating someone right now but thank you for the compliment. I really appreciate it! Yeah or even... You know i'm not really interested and don't feel the same way but like thank you so much for saying that what a kind thing to say. It can be beautiful in its own range yeah whatever it is and I think I do notice that men do this a lot you attach too much to the outcome. You go up and if you don't get her number it's a failure That's too much pressure gentlemen Yes. It's too much pressure! You're putting, first of all you're giving your power away again. You have to stop doing that. One it makes you feel like shit Two wrecks your life business entrepreneurship even just a job your social life Three it's very unattractive. Literally you're putting her on a pedestal and I think the subconscious intention is...I want to show you how wonderful you are which is great

31:45 But to do it with someone that you don't even know, that's not really acknowledging her greatness. That's just putting yourself down and making yourself small. Yeah like a boldness. Who we know ourself to be is bold Then you would think nothing to sending someone that, wow. You look attractive I hope you have a lovely day nice too nice to bump into your friends and the same way that you might boldly step into a business situation and take charge or close that sale law or the same way that you might boldly get up in the morning and like it is cold but I'm going to work out because that's as the bold kind of person I am basically

32:28 Yes, no woman really wants some guy kind of tiptoeing up to her and like excuse me Is there any way possibly I could what if the whole buy you a drink thing how is it? How is by you? Well, it's a couple of different things and boldness is actually If I can make a little distinction here It's a little bit different because some men The Jonnie Jensen Show, But I'll make a little distinction here between boldness, which is someone who's naturally confident. Right? You can...I come across with the natural confidence even when I was massively insecure and had all sorts of self-loathing and issues, I still had confidence that's a core quality of mine right um That doesn't make me more desirable to date than someone else because if someone is very very shy I'd probably scare the shit out of them

33:26 So everybody's got their different styles and that's, that's totally fine. It's about being fearless so you might come up rather timidly and be hey I saw you over there um i noticed that you're reading this book i love this book so much uh would you mind you know i'll just grab a coffee see what i mean yeah because a fearlessness in...so someone who's timid and shyish But it would be fearless. So their approach would be very different than someone who is bold and confident, would kind of... Totally! He's in he might more calmly and casually like you say pass a comment about the book or something like that? And yeah so maybe they're gamers they're both really awkward it's like a really awkward girl with a bold handsome man comes up she's gonna be out of there are you kidding me she's like oh my god

34:13 This is freaking me out. I just want to sit here and talk about D&D, whatever. Good good. Watching The Goldbergs' Adam Goldberg that's a TV sitcom he's a bit... Oh i haven't seen it! Yeah it's an American one so he When he meets a woman, I think in one of their years at high school he dates this girl and she was stunning but then it turns out that she was fully a movie geek and a D&D geek. He's like oh my gosh! She's hot! And she's a geek! It's the ideal right there. Okay so fearlessness because these kind of things we're talking about mindset right now

35:05 We all can. We can take on a way of being, not that we are that way and not that we have to stay that way but in certain situation we could be like right I'm creating the possibility here being fearless and I guess picking those ways of being for that moment are quite important because we could pick one like bold but if it feels quite intimidating like oh well i just can't imagine myself being bold So we have to, what we have to kind of almost like we're sifting through an old record shop. We're looking for that way of being that works for us in that situation. People can pick one and try it on? Like oh I tried bold or no not bold. Oh I tried fearless. Oh yeah quite like fearless works for me. I could be fearless in that moment Is is that something people can do as a mindset hack? That's an interesting question

36:00 I don't know if that would work across the board. It would be something it'd be interesting to experiment with and notice your response too, if you try up this moment gonna be bold your body's like fuck you're gonna be bold and you're running the other direction that's interesting information If you're like alright I'm going to push through okay I'll go ahead and do it The inner voice is just laughing his ass off Screw you! I'm out of here right? Oh good I was looking forward to this Mr Tissue The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen Show,

36:44 OK so this is where do we go to tap into it we got to find this source of this flow. In word it's already there were just afraid to let it go so that situation that you have a view in brighton right so you walk by you felt a flow the flow said I want to talk her write you lit up When your system lights up. So interestingly, I'm going to do a TED Talk on this there is in each of us and this is one of the things that I teach people how to access There is within each of us an inner guidance system that is operating all the time That shows you what choices to make when and in what way And it's binary

37:35 It's either a yes or no, a one or zero. And it is in every single one of us and it is 100% accurate all the time because what IT IS... ...is your system going, huh! Yes! And when your system does that, thats' your inner guidance system That is your spiritual connection, that is your consciousness lighting up and its always lit but showing through and guiding you where to go and it is incredibly clear We usually dismiss it Yes. We tell it to shut up, we're too scared, we're... all the drama in our heads. So in that moment your system lit up you didn't just say I saw this cute bird and now was gonna go do this thing You were like oh my god did you see her? Whoa! Right? You went ah even as you spoke if you could see it coming through like I thought woman right and so that's your system going yes

38:38 To whatever it is that just happened. That's your system going, yes So then you felt that You mentioned it to your friend Which was great He's a safe place Right? It was comfortable to talk to him as opposed to going straight for her And he encouraged you to follow that flow which you did and then that led you in certain direction Doesn't mean she's like the person for you and she's gonna be...you know, you're gonna have nine beautiful children and live together for 60 years That may not be your path But it does mean that THAT is your path. Going that direction, following that light. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, yeah! You start making every decision that way and your life starts to get really awesome really fast

39:21 Yeah, George Costanza in Seinfeld. He decided to do the opposite of his thoughts as it goes like series six and so on did the opposite of is that was natural way of being all these things might have fallen into place for him. And I don't mean to sudden lighten that very important point you just made It is true That when we work on one area of life and we create a breakthrough in it that it cascades into other areas with life That's part of the essence and message inside a Team Superdad is that you can be awesome in business and have a terrible relationship. You could be fit as hell, and have no money. It's like okay well first we're going to team these people up so that we can learn from each other and then get into the community

40:11 But also that we can individually create those breakthroughs for ourselves because we can see in those other people, oh he's no different than me. Why can't I do that? Oh OK right yeah i've just been...I've been sabotaged in that area of my life or I didn't think I deserved that much money. I didn't think.... Oh I had that one! Yeah. Oh big time It's a glass ceiling, it's totally glassy that we get stuck on. Everything is! I had a teacher that everything that is not that lit up feeling is...I had a teacher once who used to say or she said once anyway she said there are three you's There's the you people think you are, there's the you YOU think you are and then there's the you you really are

41:02 And in the distinguishing of those three things, eventually you let go entirely of the first one. Just about... It's almost useless. The second one is also almost pretty useless. The third one when you get to oh who am I really? Maybe you're not actually shy maybe you've just been telling yourself a story and identifying yourself as shy this whole time or maybe you've identified yourself Really wealthy and that's always been your story. You can change your story first you need to see it as a story though, and not reality because the more you link your story in reality the more stuck to it you are yeah, so all of these things begin to Fall into place And so you can see how even though it sounds crazy for me to be like like I had a client who? Had an issue he'd been rejected by women we did the math for about 50 years

41:57 And he had a session with me, joined my program. He had the first session with me we did some work around him and his mother also at six years old and suddenly he knew exactly why he'd been attracting rejection from women since he was six years old. So this 50-year pattern shifted in the space of like an hour And consequently he'd come to me because he had a woman who was interested in him and he was worried about losing her because they always rejected him, that was his pattern. She actually she was like really not that into it and then after that session she began pursuing him so she felt that change in him

42:35 Because he realized he'd been responding from a child place which was not attracting her. Yeah, and she's you know she also of course got her own stuff as well She wasn't my client so I don't know but I'm not saying it's like all the guys because it's not literally exactly both He brings his energy and his expectation yeah It's really the way you present yourself Yeah It comes out on levels that we can't perceive Yeah, OK. So that's why going back to some of the things you said like bringing that fearlessness is one thing but having the expectation not be even from the outset oh well she's probably gonna say no or it's gonna go wrong or its an expectation that I love to say always got a poster downstairs says always believe something wonderful was about to happen so we don't know what it is but anything wonderful could happen out of this

43:28 This casual interaction of, hi you look like an interesting woman. You're like someone I'd be nice to have a coffee with. The fearlessness in doing that but then not attached to the outcome or not attached to any significant expectation of it just something wonderful could happen out of this. A lightness is really what we're talking about That is the resulting experience, yes. And when you... and you see those two things are tied. When you release the expectation there is nothing of which to be afraid. Which is also very calming for the other person it's a release for the other person You're bringing your fear and expectation in which they are subconsciously going I don't know what's going on here but it's really uncomfortable

44:19 And all of this is happening subconsciously, although you can become aware of all of it pretty easily by like watching yourself as I said in the beginning. Suddenly you can see her turn away and go oh what was happening? Oh yeah I was feeling young and scared or demand and desperation or any of those things push people away right away. I would suggest... An invitation would be to upgrade your poster Wonderful. Things are wonderful right now! And take even the positive expectation off because it's still an expectation. Something wonderful might happen, but then if it does there might be disappointment Yeah Because you're expecting wonderful So instead the reality of the moment is already great Look around you listening to a wonderful podcast with two brilliant people who are giving you fascinating information You're driving your car or your...you know? You're in your home or outside It's like look around everything's fine right now If you get out of your head and the story you're telling yourself

45:19 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen Show, I went into that as a big event in different countries. In Cyprus, everyone had gone on over from the UK to Cyprus for the wedding and so then I created possibility for myself in how I was going to be those 10 days around me everything works. Nice!

46:02 So that I was the, I was kind of the linchpin for like...I didn't want any of the drama or anything going wrong to go near them. I was like around me everything works so leave the trouble because i'm gonna fix it! So around everything works and it was a really great Being, to stand in. Someone has not heard that sort of expression before that sort of bending of language there because you don't really put those words together like but who your being at this time and standing in who I was being there around me everything works And it was powerful for me that week, very liberating. It wasn't something I didn't make a badge of and wear it around going oh by the way around me everything works! It was just...it was something inside of me that I could come back and centre on around that week. That's really powerful what you just said. You just told me. Yeah and the way that you put that phrasing was actually very accurate. Impressed that you did that. Your your way of being, you held a state

47:05 You can hold any state you want to hold. I am, I love myself! Yeah... I'm loved right? But you hold that state, you're like a magnet. Yeah true. You're like oh i like being loved, this feels good it feels good to be around this guy don't know why but keep wanting to maybe just go over and hang out again It's magnetic and pulls so what you did there was you held an intention And you turned into a state of being which is literally creating your reality And it did. Yeah, so if someone's listening to this could be a man could be women we do have plenty of women listeners

47:43 In terms of relationships, right? And going up to someone like that. And in fact it could be someone in a relationship still because if our way of being inside of a relationship is resigned frustrated It's not gonna work out I don't think I'm attractive other names that she's attractive. It's like it's not a good conscious subconscious there's just nothing good about... Like you're expecting If things carry on we are probably just gonna get divorced Pulling that towards you, right? So so that could be someone in that situation. There could be someone else thinking no one's gonna say yes to me if I go out on a date Is there like... That kind of.. That way of being, that standing in it Can people create that can they do it in front of a mirror or can they write it down What are some ways that people can make like build that up inside them How did you do it? Well

48:39 I can tell you, we were on a landmark education course. So there's quite a lot of work goes into there about creating possibilities for yourself and your life so that my way of being this week is uncreating myself the possibility Like fearless, light and fun. So if I was going to be that way about going away on a holiday, fearless light and fun or I'm going away for a weekend with a bunch of people who've only just met then something great's gonna come out at that weekend Or the very least they're gonna enjoy being around me And I also know that when we create a possibility like that That we know would make a difference in this situation but We're not that comfortable with it

49:25 Doing some mirror work, being able to be with yourself in the mirror which is something that is a curious experience for many people. You can always ask people how many mirrors you've got in the house Some people have like one. Okay, you may have some confidence issues in your house but just to be able to be in that mirror and be like wow okay I'm gonna be with myself and start to notice yourself. Notice the concern if you can't be peaceful and calm with yourself or you can't be with yourself without having concern then

50:09 How are you going to be with other people? So I think that's a really good way, or believe that's a really good way for people to tune into that is. I'm scared and worried. I'm resigned. OK right well what would the opposite of that now get in front of the mirror and say wow! I'm fearless fun and light. And feel and feel that reality If you just tell yourself or if you just think it, the thoughts are not reality. I'm going to say that one more time because its very important. Thoughts are not reality! That's why what the you people think you are and the you you think you are don't really matter because they literally don't exist

50:53 Literally, this is not like spiritual verbiage. Literally actually those versions of yourself do not exist you are living in your thoughts. Thoughts will come there's nothing wrong with thoughts they're not bad they're on autopilot And you're attributing them to reality. You know, you walk by and a beautiful woman looks at you funny or like wrinkles her nose as you go by. Oh my god she thought I was... see? She knew I hated those shoes! She hates my shoes oh yeah She was thinking about her brother. You've no idea... Nothing to do with you, yeah! And or everything either way it has nothing to do with you it's literally her life experience maybe you look like her brother and her brother just killed somebody and she I mean it's like people are living their lives so we will use whatever we can to just prove ourselves right what we already believe to be true

51:51 And so in that way, our world gets very small. So your thoughts are irrelevant. So that's why telling yourself oh I'm really successful you don't believe you if you did that would work immediately right? What you did there was you said this is my reality and then you felt that to be true in your body actually saw it shift when you brought it up You were like I just did this and then right now like I can feel the field around you There is no way another reality could come towards you when you're in that state Because you held that very well. It was very impressive. Yeah, thank you And so in doing that, that interpreted your reality So your physical body is your link to reality

52:31 That's it. That's why I do so much work in the body because everything else is just, it's not there. And people can access that through even their breathing like just getting present with themselves you don't realize or if people have ever done a lying down meditation then they say Like a body scan. And now release the tension in your buttocks and you're like, I'm squeezing my butt cheeks! How long have I been squeezing my butt cheeks? I don't know how long I've been squeezing them. I literally have a profile on Insight Timer where I do body scans. I have like recorded guided meditations to take people through body scans because it's totally true, all you need to do is shift your awareness it's just your awareness on your buttocks. Let go! Oh my gosh that feels so much better! My butt feels so free! So yeah I can find you on the on insight timer? Yeah we have a profile there as well.

53:29 Anyone, if you're listening go and download Insight Timer. It's great and even better you can search up Dominique Drew and get her content brilliant! My dulcet tones! Getting to know yourself... okay yeah great because all affirmations without feeling are just blah blah blah. Yeah and so a lot of people try them and they don't work? If you're trying them but it's not working then you're probably not feeling them. They have to be felt Yeah, just people don't need to get freaked out by that. It's just some basic meditation practices of taking time to breathe, be at peace, to really tune into like oh my gosh what am I doing? OK yeah ask yourself that's it!

54:15 I was on a bus once, I was living in Boston. And this woman sat down next to me and I had my book and wanted to read it. This beautiful Indian woman was sitting next to me, probably 35 years old. She chit-chatted with her for a bit and asked what she did. Self mastery coach and she goes, oh what does that? What does that mean I go Oh We know I was trying to explain how it didn't really have anything to do with dating And so it's like well You know It's just where you know people checking the people like where their life is going and if they need help sort of tuning in with what's right for them and things Like that. And she went oh and She I finished my sentence and she looked like I had just slapped her in the face

55:01 And this woman was a doctor. She was a resident, okay? So she'd been... I mean however long you need to doctor to be a resident right and more than a decade I think um and she goes-she looks like it slapped her in the face and she goes where my life is going! I was like that seems odd and i sort of went to my book and for the rest of that four hour trip like two or three times just periodically out of silence she would just say where my life is going This beautiful Indian woman who'd been in her career for at least a decade had never stopped to think whether or not she wanted her life to go where it was going. Yeah, just my saying that one offhand statement just kind of trying to get back to my book like rocked her world in a way she just never...it never occurred to her to even check-in That was an awakening? Yes yeah and that's a beautiful sort of place to take us in this conversation because

56:06 Whether it's relationship or any other area of life, it is time for an awakening. And this conversation I hope could have been that for someone just to catch themselves thinking oh yeah but women are attracted to me Oh yeah but I always get hurt Or Yeah But It's Never Gonna Be...It's Not My Turn Like these things are the It's been booby traps that we're putting in front of ourselves. And so I really hope this conversation has been that awakening call for those people and as anybody who listens to my podcast or is part of Team Superdad, you'll know that I'm totally committed to relationships working out like finding someone awesome and getting together making it work if it's not working out

56:53 Honor yourself enough to exit that relationship and do it in a positive way. This is, that phrase there, moments of awakening is we get one trip round this crazy rock and we should make the most of it. Yeah! And if you're in a relationship then address the problems now There's no problem that can't be solved if you're both willing to talk it out and solve it, right? Or get help and solve it. Whatever! But nothing is...

57:29 Unless you're past the point of no return, which as you said by all means exit the relationship. And I'm not pro people staying together as opposed to breaking up it doesn't matter to me self-honoring matters to me a lot that's what's really important but do that now man she always does that thing talk to her yeah if you're right boy i don't know why she doesn't like me talk to her If you catch yourself running a number on someone or a situation, then that is the moment to take responsibility for it. Yes! Even if you don't know open up the lines of communication talk it out. She doesn't want to talk be like this is something we need to do Do we need help? How do how do we fix it? You know

58:06 Yeah, exactly. Well this is the classic way of ending a podcast isn't it? And I've started to flip this round and actually forgot today that I get people to talk about where people can find them at the start of the conversation because only the loyalist fans and listeners get this far but if you have got this far then then you are absolutely blessed because Where can people come and find your content and work with you? Any other stuff that you've got available for people. Absolutely. Probably my website is the best place to find me, which is domineydrew.com I'm on Instagram and Facebook You're welcome to reach out to me anywhere And if people are interested then If you mention this podcast I'll offer a free intro call In fact, if you'd like, I can give you the link to it Jonnie, and you could put in the notes here

59:00 And if they just mention this podcast, then we'll do a free call and we can talk about what is it you're struggling with and see if we can get to some clarity. Yeah brilliant! Well listen for people watching on the live stream or seeing in the comments there is the link to Domini's website It will be in the show notes so if your listening on the podcast just go there and click it And if you need any more than that, then blindly follow us on Instagram. Well, I've loved this conversation. This has been... Yeah! This is fun. Yeah. You know some parts you know, I wouldn't use the word complex but some parts people have got to just invite a conversation like this in. I know that quite often people will hear such conversations and they'll be like oh i don't understand, I can't, I haven't got time for this, that people need to catch themselves and realise

59:57 Deflecting a conversation they need to hear when they have those kind of thoughts. So I believe this will have been a very powerful conversation for lots of people today, so Domini thank you very much! It's my honour thank you so much for having me it was really great What a brilliant conversation another session in the can love that Domini is such a great woman live spirit and energy about her no surprise of course because that's what we're talking about I hope that you got a lot of value out of that. Like i said at the end, some of these conversations don't always occur as oh this is going to be fun this could be easy but most likely when you experience some level of resistance around it or you want to turn off it probably means that's the exact podcast episode you should be listening to. That's the exact subject you should be getting input and support on

1:00:54 Of course, come on over to TeamSuperDad.com and get signed up for the Hero Academy and also go find Domini Drew she's at DominiDrew.com The links are in the notes And yeah She is helping men create the breakthroughs that they want in all areas of their life whether it's dating relationships or somewhere else So I'll see you on the next episode of the team super dad podcast as always Team Super Dad out This has been Team Superdad. Find us at teamsuperdad.com Join the program and create the best life ever for you and your children! You are not alone, you're on Team Superdad