Attract And Create The Relationship Of Your Dreams

00:00 In this episode of the Team Super Dad podcast, I'm talking relationships and how you can attract or create the perfect one with mindset and dating expert Domini Drew. Role theme. Welcome to Team Super Dad. Real dads creating their best lives ever. More time, more money, more fun. You are not alone. You're on Team Super Dad. Hey dads, mums, listeners, everybody around the world. It's great to have you back here on the Team Superdad podcast. If it's your first time, welcome, welcome, welcome.

00:41 I need a drink. I need a drink. What am I talking about? Welcome. It's great to have you here. This is the Team Super Dad podcast. Today, I've got an awesome guest on. Well, hopefully they're always awesome, but relationships and dating and stuff like that. Turns out, as I think we all know, it's kind of all about mindset, really. And so when Domini Drew, the dating and mindset coach, and I got talking, I thought, okay, this is good. We've got to definitely get you on the podcast. So here she is today. The Team Superdad gang, welcome. If it's your first time, then we are a community of dads creating our best lives ever. We are transforming our health, wealth, and happiness to live the life we desire, not the life we feel stuck in.

01:26 And we do that over in the Hero Academy, which there is the next intake coming up in March. So get ready for that. Come on over to teamsuperdad.com and get yourself pre-registered for the Hero Academy. And you can be part of all the, you know, the early content, the bonuses, and get yourself pre-registered to secure one of those 30 spots in the March intake. It's been a curious week for me here. The kids are on homeschooling still. We had school holidays last week. If you've listened to the wrap-up, you'll know all about how that goes. This is our more one-on-one, a more focused conversation on one of the key elements of the Team Superdad F5, which is focus, fitness, finance, family, and fun.

02:11 And today's conversation very much sits in the family and fun side. But as Domini rightly points out, your mindset, if your mindset is out in terms of relationships, then it will be out everywhere. If your mindset's out in terms of money, then it's going to be out in terms of relationships. You've got to get present to where you are experiencing resistance or challenge in one area. It's going to be happening in all areas. And the positive side of that is, is when you can create a breakthrough in one area, you're going to experience that breakthrough in all areas. So I know you're going to enjoy this. As always, come and watch us if you want on Facebook and the groups.

02:54 So search groups for Team Superdad or on YouTube. We are Team Superdad channel. So just youtube.com forward slash Team Superdad. And come be sure to join up, set the notifications on, click that bell. And if you're listening to the podcast, please subscribe and leave us a review. Reviews are so powerful in helping spread the word of the Team Superdad podcast. So get on with it. And without further ado, enjoy today's conversation with Domini Drew. Hey, Domini, good to have you here on the Team Super Dad podcast. Welcome. Thank you so much for having me. I'm very honored to be here. Oh, well, good.

03:37 Our, what's it called? Our reputation must be proceeding as miles and miles ahead of you. It is quite exciting. The podcast is growing and that's obviously what we hope as well. But we're on like 60 odd, coming towards 70 episodes now. So you'd like to think it would. That's impressive. That's a lot. That's a lot of dedication. I don't know if you do yours regularly or not. I tend to skip weeks with mine sometimes because I just kind of don't really, not really in that place. So I think I cheat a little bit more than perhaps I ought to. We're doing good.

04:13 And by the way, if you're here for the first time, then this is useful information for you. So once a week we have a kind of a serious, but also casual conversation like this. I say serious because we are talking about one of the key areas of the team super dad, which is, I guess we're in the sort of family and fun area here around relationships. But there is F5, which is focus, fitness, finance, family, and fun. And so we work with dads, both single dads, dads in relationships, basically real dads, dads who want to create their best life ever. And so, yes, we have these conversations once a week. And then on the Friday, we do something called the wrap-up, which is me, normally a guy called Glenn, occasionally different dads, where we just wrap up our week.

05:00 And it's kind of like if you were able to go to the pub or to the bar, but just two guys talking crap and having a laugh. That makes me miss going to the pub. I miss that a lot. I know, right? Yeah. Who's hot? I remember friends. That was great. Yeah. We've got a, we do a feature called Hot in the 90s, which came about because we realized that we couldn't perv over women that were hot. I mean, obviously, older women are hot, right? But how come you don't know who the who like the young kind of, you know, the like the young models and pop singers are? Like, it's like, well, because they're the same age as our kids. Because they're 17 and there's just something that just feels a little

05:44 bit weird. So we twisted it to hot in the 90s. And then we have a lot of. I love that. So you can perv on the people we were perving on in the 90s. Yes. And then we can go and have a look at how they're looking now, which reminds us also that we're not quite as young as we. Do you know who it would be for me was the girl on Boy Meets World, Topanga. Do you remember Topanga? Hang up. I have had a little bit of Boy Meets Girl because they rebooted like Girl Meets World with the dog. Oh, they did, didn't they? I haven't seen the new one. But we tried it. We tried it with my kids, but it was just a bit too old. They're like, if there's no reference to cell phones or the internet, and it kind of just goes over their head a little bit.

06:29 Yep. What are you guys even doing with your time? Oh, never mind. Never mind. Domini, you are, we got connected around the whole relationship subjects, and that's what we're going to talk about today. But actually, you're, you know, you focus around mindset and working with people and their own kind of, I guess, barriers or what's holding them back, helping them have breakthroughs. Why don't you do yourself justice and give a little bit of an intro for yourself for our listeners? Yeah, absolutely. So I do. I focus my, I guess, my marketing or my message around helping single men attract a life partner through personal and relationship coaching.

07:09 Once you sort of scratch the surface, though, of either working with me or even sort of diving into my presence online or anything like that, you see that it's not very much about dating. And the reason for that is because while it solves the dating problem, it doesn't do so through tips and tricks or different techniques because nobody has dating problems. Like, like nobody. It's like the most intuitive, natural, evolutionarily easy thing to do is like eat, sleep, and mate, right? Like you're naturally, we already want to do this. And yet there are all these problems around it. So what tends to happen is that you have personal problems that show up in your dating life.

07:53 So the way I help men through the struggles that they have is by solving the underlying issue, the place where they're subconsciously self-sabotaging. And once that is cleared, it solves the underlying problem that's causing your dating issue and the dating problem itself is solved. Yeah. And this is going to be quite uncomfortable for me because I obviously anyone who's listened to the podcast regularly knows I'm a pretty much an open book, right? I'd love to say I have every box ticked and I'm smashing it in all areas, but part of the team superdad journey is my journey and sharing that and all the coaches and experts.

08:33 And, you know, I'm however many 10, 15 years on this journey of personal development and growth. But there's still areas where I've got to have breakthroughs and relationships and dating. It's not just my marriage that didn't quite work out, but going looking back at different relationships, I get to see, just like you're talking about, oh, yeah, I can see what went on there. Or when I was at school, how come I used to ask out the friend of the girl I was attracted to because I wasn't confident enough to ask out the girl I was really attracted to, which is clearly not a good thing. Clearly, I'm good. It didn't work. That's weird.

09:13 Or ending up with someone who I was really keen on and then just hanging on to the relationship for dear life and either suffocating, not literally suffocating her, but squeezing the joy out of it or staying in it for too long when clearly it wasn't actually working out. And then work that I've done, I've kind of worked out and realized that was part to do with my mum dying and, you know, my association with love and relationships has been a little bit out of whack. But that's part of it for many people, isn't it? They'll have experiences from their past that is governing how they are reacting in relationships.

09:54 relationships or how they feel about approaching someone they're attracted to. Is that where people need to start looking? Yes and no. Yes, that is the place. No, it won't do you any good to start looking there because by definition, the places that you're seeking are in the subconscious. Okay. So that's why it helps to have, not that you can't have realizations about yourself. You definitely can. A realization by definition is something coming, usually unbitten from the subconscious to the conscious, but you can't control a realization. Otherwise, we would all be like, I would like 10 realizations right now, please. And you would, you know, manifest. You'd be like, sweet, that worked great. Let's do that. Let's do that again tomorrow. So,

10:37 so these experiences, it's not so much like, oh, I had a bad relationship. And so now I have, I'm afraid of getting into another relationship. And so I hold myself back from being in relationships. That can happen, but usually, nine times out of 10, it's actually something you don't even remember happening when you were a kid. Right. And you had a negative experience and it lodges in your subconscious because children generalize their life experience, right? So if they experience something, it's like the whole world is like that. All women are like that. All men are like that. Or life is unsafe, right? These huge sort of big overarching statements. And you don't even realize that you believe them, but you they lodge in the subconscious and then you live the rest of your life as if they're true.

11:19 So then we get to the place of where you're talking about, where you're projecting out something you don't even realize that you're projecting out and it's messing up your life. Okay. Well, right. So in order that this conversation flows nicely, I think you should leave me a little bit. Otherwise, I'm going to ask you loads of random questions. Random questions are great too. Enjoy the conversation, right? But there is a danger if I just throw stuff at you that we're going to end up confusing people. So, okay, so here's a good question to start then, right? So why do people struggle to find their ideal relationship? Like what's going on that's having people either mess up their relationship or struggle to find the one they desire?

12:06 Good. So essentially, what we've been given here, or what we sort of incarnated into, is the most technologically advanced vehicle, you know, on the planet, right? And it's awesome. It does all sorts of things. We have physical body and emotions and mental and psychology. We have a psyche, spiritual component. We have all these, all these elements. But unfortunately, we forgot to get the owner's manual. So it's as if you're driving the sexiest F1 car you can possibly imagine that just turns on a dime and it's got that incredible responsiveness, but you're trying to steer with the rearview mirror.

12:50 Yeah, and we're talking about the human body here. We're talking about ourselves. Like we don't know how to move our own system right. And we don't understand why we're getting in life what we're getting. So my process essentially is I kind of read you your owner's manual. I show you what it is that you're doing without realizing it that's giving you what you're getting, right? That's attracting to you what it is that you're attracting. So the question is, why don't why aren't we able to find our ideal relationships? It's because we have one foot on the gas and one foot on the brake. Yeah. A foot on the gas, we're all usually pretty aware of. I definitely, yep, I'm lonely. Do I want to be? Yep. I think I'd like to be with somebody.

13:27 Yep, she's attractive. I'd like to be with her. The yes, we're clear on, right? Fun, partner, sex, security, those kind of on the gas. Okay, right. Yeah. Companionship, you know, emotional support, all the, all the good stuff, right? A life partner. Yeah. Or a fantastic one-night stand, whatever it is that you're looking for. It doesn't, you know, everything is wonderful and can be done in a sacred way. So, so, regardless of what it is, you know, you want it, but you're still not getting it, which means you've got one foot on the brake and you don't know where your foot is on the brake or why. And once you become aware of that, which can happen in like a session, this doesn't need to take years and years.

14:08 And there are a number of reasons for that. But even within a session, you can realize, oh my God, this is why not only this has been happening, but all of this entire pattern, because whatever you're experiencing is part of a pattern. And the entire pattern can clear at once. Obviously, not through the past, the past is the past, but you clear this entire. And so it affects all these other areas of your life, which is another reason why the work doesn't really have that much to do with dating. It's like it clears your finances, clears your ability to have fun, to your relationship with your family. Like everything shifts at once because the problem was existing within yourself. So we're talking about an apprehension or a fear or an over concern.

14:49 concern to hold things tightly or a like, so we don't approach, we don't approach a situation open-minded and open-hearted. We what we're reserved, or we're fearing it, or we or we just don't. What do we do? We mess it up when we get there, we don't even go there, one or the other. Okay, so it could be sabotage in one form. Yeah, I mean, as you said, you didn't even approach the woman you wanted, yeah. The assumption was so profound that you would couldn't get her that you didn't even bother trying it out. You were already, you already decided on the outcome. No, and for single people, like especially if you live in a bigger city or something, and we have not got a stupid pandemic going on, then you'd see attractive people all the time, right?

15:31 And you kind of want to, I would love to go and say to her, You're really attractive. Uh, I'm not a freak. Um, and have you got a boyfriend, or are you, you know, like, are you in a relationship? Because if not, it's not a freaky statement, is it? Like, you wouldn't expect to scream or run. Like people think that in their heads, yeah, they think that they think they're like, oh my God, that would be way too aggressive. Women don't want to be approached. I hear that all the time. I think that. Yeah. I used to as well. But I tell you what, somebody comes up to me, even you know, oh, I don't want to approach somebody in the gym. Like all these rules that we put in place about like what the other person wants. First of all, you can't possibly know who wants to be approached in a gym and who doesn't.

16:17 You can't. Women are not all the same. They are radically different creatures. You can't make any sense of it. All you can do is tune in, see if it feels good to you in the moment. And if it does, you follow that impulse. She reacts badly. That's why she reacts badly. Your life isn't over. You know, but if you make the rule up, if you decide for her, like you did with the attractive woman that you really wanted, she's not going to want me. I'll ask her friend. And so in that way, you actually, a couple of things happen. Do you mind me using you as an example? No, no, feel free. Go for it. So a couple of things happened. In that, just that simple statement, you've outlined a lot of your pattern and your, you know, what's what's happening in your human system, right?

16:55 So you were projecting onto her. First, you were feeling afraid, right? Probably some fear of rejection or something along those lines, not to put words in your experience, but something where you were pretty sure she was going to say no. You then were afraid she was going to say no, decided she was going to, that you were right in order to protect yourself from actually having to experience that disappointment. And in that way, a couple of things happened. You gave away your power. You decided that she was better than you, having never even asked her out. So already you're giving her your value, which she neither wants nor deserves.

17:36 And then secondly, you are projecting onto her. You're using that a little bit as an excuse. Same thing as like the gym. Oh, women don't want to be approached in the gym. Well, do women not be able to be approached or do you, are you afraid to approach them there? Because I don't know anywhere where someone doesn't want to be told that they're attractive. But either way, again, it's not for you to know and it's not for you to decide. Some women are going to love it. Some women are going to hate it. That woman's either going to be your wife or she's not. What do you want to do with your day? Well, and that's how you see, don't mean to disrespect people, but I am going to. That's how you see ugly short blokes with hot wives. Assuming it was, it was an open sort of situation, cards on the table. You know, he just

18:21 say to her, you're amazing. And she was knocked off her feet by his love and attention, maybe as well. Quite possibly, because honestly, what attracts people mix up attraction with beauty a lot. I don't know if you've, if you've come across this in your coaching, but there's, there are people saying, oh, I'm not, I'm not attractive. And like, what you mean is you're not like aesthetic, like beauty is like being aesthetically appealing, right? It's like the symmetry of your face and like stuff like that. Attraction is this like magnetic like, right? It goes out and it gets you. It's magnetism. It pulls you to it's literally attraction like a like an actual magnet.

19:03 And that comes regardless of what your exterior looks like. So the reason the way I'm able to get results for a lot of guys across the map of how handsome they are is because once you light up that spark inside and you radiate, that's wildly attractive to all sorts of women. So yeah, seeing an uneven couple as far as attractiveness is not weird to me at all. No, of course. And that's what everyone needs to realize. It's not weird. It's just that that person. All things being equal, that in a good guy, he's created an energy that

19:44 lights up a room. room, that attracts people towards him. So, okay, so how do we tap into that? How do we, because we can come back to the, how do we deal with the concern of approaching someone, but how does someone tap into that innate inner force that we all have in us if we allow it to come out of being the person that lights up the room, of having that magnetism? Yeah, it's actually the same process of the fear of approaching. The process that I use, and there are different methods to do this. Mine is, I've seen it work like thousands of times. I've never seen it not work. Like when I stumbled upon this work, we go to that later, but I was a very, very different person than I am now.

20:27 And so it's a very direct process. So where do you start? So any moment you could start. Hmm, I'm afraid to approach this woman at the gym. That's interesting. All right, cool. Let's stop and look at that. So first, we can just stop there. If you just stop and look, stop, stop your life, stop your mind for just a minute, and look at what's happening in your body, right? Which is the present moment. Then you get a whole slew of data that you didn't have before. So we sort of go, oh, well, I don't want to approach a woman at the gym, but that's because women don't like being approached in the gym.

21:08 Boom. It's not my fault. I'm dismissing the reaction that I'm having in my body, which is, don't approach her. Don't do it. It's not going to go well. Which is my system speaking to me. I don't know what it means. That's interpretation of the data, which is different. Let's just look at what is actually happening. We tend not to take seriously that which is occurring within us. And then we're confused as to why we don't understand, you know, why we can't get anywhere in life. But the data is here in the moment. And so if you notice, boy, it's interesting. I was really afraid to speak to that woman at the gym, but then I had a 10-minute conversation with the receptionist on my way out.

21:49 That's interesting. I wonder what that's about. Oh, okay. So maybe I'm not afraid of all rejection. Maybe it's just redheads or maybe it's just this or that or actually she looked kind of like my sister. That's interesting. You see what I mean? And so actually, there's this massive amount of data. And I'm using the word data intentionally. Data is ball rolling down incline. You don't go, oh, that ball sure rolled down that incline the same pace every time. You know, that must mean all things rolled. It's like, well, no, hold on. In the interpretation of the data, that's where our human mind gets in there.

22:30 And our human mind is tainted because we've had all of our life experience and we think we know who we are and we think we know how life is. And both those things are inaccurate. So when you look at the data and just as data, not assume you know what it means or even guess what it means, then you begin to have access to all of this new information. See, the key word is new, right? The distinction I made earlier was the conscious versus the subconscious mind. The reason I know that all of your problems lie in the subconscious is because you're a pretty smart guy. And if this was something you could have figured out with your brain, you would have done so by now. Yeah, good point. Yeah.

23:11 Which means you can't access it by definition. So what you need is new information. Where do you get the new information? You're living your life in your head. You're used to your story. You know who you think you are. You know who you think other people think you are. The question now becomes, who am I really? And the answer to that lies in the authentic responses of your body. So if you are at the gym and one woman, you go, I'm not approaching her, notice that. Stop it. Imagine that had that had relevance to your life. Oh, boy, I really feel terrified of that woman over there on the treadmill.

23:53 Cool. File that away. Interesting. Interesting. See, I'm just leaving it interesting. No, it doesn't mean anything, just interesting. And then two minutes later, there's a woman doing ads and she's walking by and she makes a joke and you make an easy joke back. Oh, that's interesting. That was actually quite easy. Or every time it's a woman, it's this. Or notice the thoughts that come up. And in this way, you open this valve of this flow of new information that is guaranteed 100% accurate because it's not going through your mind. You're not interpreting it through your human system. You're just authentically experiencing it. Does that make sense? Yeah, so you're seeing it, but you're not questioning it. You're not adding meaning to it.

24:37 Right. You're just noticing it as. oh, that's interesting. I'm what? What if you see if it's someone? Oh, I'm attracted to her, I'm not attracted to her. Well, then that's that's different because you're not gonna, you might just chat with that one. But the significance of, oh, because I'm attracted to that one, talking to her now has taken on a whole different level of significance. It might, where I would have casually have said, hey, how's it going to the one I wasn't doing? But the one that I want to actually like me and maybe engineer a conversation where we might end up on having a coffee or a date. Now I'm like, oh my gosh, can I? Should I? What will I say? Will she say that?

25:18 So, yeah, that's the point you're making. Two women, two human beings, two conversations, probably very similar in all respects, except one of them I want to pan out a different way than the other. And so you then get in your own way. That then triggers the self-sabotage. Why? That's what we would find out. There was something underlying reason. Why is there more pressure with the one you're attracted to than not? Yeah, because the worst that's going to happen is, well, I guess the worst that's going to happen is she's going to scream and run in the other direction. Now, that unrealistic sort of concern, yeah, or that she might implode into a gelatin sort of mush on the floor, that's probably unrealistic as well.

26:02 That happened to me once. She's going to kick you in the balls or something like that. You know, all those fears are quite ridiculous and really unlikely. Probably the worst that she's going to say is, get off me, freak, I'm working out. Or I'm, I'm, oh, sorry, I'm married. Okay. So either one of those situations, will you live through them? Yeah, exactly. That's the point. They're not that bad. They're really not that bad. One of the, one of the, I mean, I've been fortunate enough. I was married to a very attractive woman. And also, attraction as well is the two significant relationships I've had in my life. I thought they were beautiful, you know, like the most beautiful. That's why they were the significant relationship.

26:46 But obviously to someone else, one person's Claudia Schieffer is another person's Beyoncé or whatever. But I've lost my train of thought here completely. Beautiful wife. Yeah, I know. I'm thinking about my two exes now. So the woman, yes, it was Gay Pride in Brighton, right? So I used to live in Brighton. Fun. So it was just a wild party. And I was walking down the street and we walked, I was with a friend of mine, Jonathan. We walked past this group of people, this blonde woman who just stood out. I was like, oh my gosh, did you see her? And then he said, you should go and talk to her. So I was unbelievably uncommon.

27:30 I was like, okay, I'm going to. So I literally turned around, went back and tapped her on the shoulder and said, Hi, you're stunning. I think I pretty much said something like that to her, right? Yes. And we ended up dating for about, it was quite a wild three months. But, but yeah, in that moment, I stopped her in the street and she was, she was like, oh, wow, great. That's cool. Here's my number. And we ended up dating. But it was. How about that? I know. I'd be drinking and everything else. So it was a party situation. So my inhibitions were down. But all that really means is you were less afraid.

28:14 Yeah, less afraid, totally. Yeah. In which case, what if you did that every time you saw a woman that was super incredibly beautiful? You don't even need to ask them out just to approach them and acknowledge the connection. Yeah. What difference would that make? So as a woman, you're an attractive woman. This is something that men create as a fear. More often than not, I think men probably create this as a fear that doesn't really exist. But then your point earlier as well, which is really powerful and important, is that if we're doing that in our relationship sort of bucket in the subject of relationships, we're likely doing it in other areas.

29:00 Massively, yes. A choice of job or a decision to move to a different country or have children, don't have children like that. These are significant decisions where a fear-based concern, you're going to have that in those other areas of life as well. Yes, that's exactly right. And that's because it's in you. So you take it anywhere you go. And, you know, approaching attractive women, like, man, I'm with you guys. I have a lot of sympathy. Like, women are terrifying. Like, we can be very, very scary creatures. And in Britain, oh, man, Britain, in Europe, there's like a cruelty that can come out that I don't think we really do as much here.

29:42 But they'll sometimes just come just at you. I mean, they'll just come, you know, I can't believe you would even suggest that as if they're somehow better than you because they have makeup on their face and breasts. Like, I don't understand how that increases your value. But, like, to me, first of all, to me, just like personally, that is like one of the cruelest things that you can do to a person. To me, if I ever, if I was ever hanging out with someone and they did that to someone who approached them, which I would never hang out with that type of person just on so many levels, I would like, I would like acknowledge what she had done and I would probably get up and leave. Because to me, that is, I mean, on the other hand, my personal rant aside.

30:26 On the other hand, she has now shown you who she is. Yes, you're like, actually, she's got quite a nasty, sharp tendency. Also, she could be protecting herself as well. She could be putting a massive barrier straight up. Maybe, but is that the type of person you want to take home? No, no, not at all. What you really want is someone who might say, wow, that's amazing. I'm actually dating someone right now, but thank you for the compliment. I really appreciate it. Yeah. Or even, I'm, you know, I'm not really interested. I don't really feel the same way, but like, thank you so much for saying that. What a, what a kind thing to say. It can be range. Yeah. Whatever it is. And I think I do notice that men do this a lot.

31:06 You attach too much to the outcome. You go up and if you don't get her number, it's a failure. That's too much pressure, gentlemen. Yes. It's too much pressure. You're putting, first of all, you're giving your power away again. You have to stop doing that. One, it makes you feel like shit. Two, wrecks your life. Business, entrepreneurship, even just a job, your social life. Three, it's very unattractive. It literally, you're putting her on a pedestal. And I think the subconscious intention is, I want to show you how wonderful you are, which is great.

31:46 But to do it with someone that you don't even know, that's not really acknowledging her greatness. That's just putting yourself down and making yourself small. Yeah. Like a bold. Like a boldness that if who we know ourselves to be is bold, then you would think nothing to sending someone that, wow, you look attractive. I hope you have a lovely day. Nice to nice to bump into you. Yes. And the same way that you might boldly step into a business situation and take charge or close that sale or the same way that you might boldly get up in the morning and like, it is cold, but I'm going to work out because that's that's the bold kind of person I am, basically.

32:28 Yes. No, no woman really wants some guy kind of tiptoeing up to her and like, excuse me. I know I'm attracted, but is there any way possibly I could what if the whole buy you a drink thing? How is it how is buy you a drink? Well, it's a couple of different things. And boldness is actually, if I can make a little distinction here, it's a little bit different because some men and women are naturally bold and some men and women are not naturally bold. And you don't need to be bold to be successful in dating. You need to be authentic. But I'll make a little distinction here between boldness, which is someone who's naturally confident, right?

33:06 You can, I come across with the natural confidence. Even when I was massively insecure and had all sorts of self-loathing and issues, I still had confidence. That's a core quality of mine, right? But that doesn't make me more desirable to date than someone else. Because if someone's very, very shy, I'd probably scare the shit out of them. So everybody's got their different styles, and that's totally fine. It's about being fearless. So you might come up rather timidly and be, hey, I saw you over there. I noticed that you're reading this book. I love this book so much. Would you mind, you know,

33:45 yeah, yeah, because a fearlessness in so someone who's timid and shy-ish, but would be fearless. So their approach would be very different than someone who was bold and confident would kind of totally in. He might more calmly and casually, like you say, pass a comment about the book or something like that. And maybe they're gamers and they're both really awkward. It's like a really awkward girl, the bold, handsome man comes up. She's going to be out of there. Are you kidding me? She's like, oh my God, this is freaking me out. I just want to sit here and talk about DD. Whatever. Good. Good. Watching

34:26 the Goldbergs, Adam, Adam Goldberg. That's a TV series. sitcom. He's a bit. Oh, I haven't seen it. Yeah, that's an American one. So when he meets a woman, I think one of their years at high school, he dates this girl and she was stunning, but then it turns out that she was fully a movie geek and a DD geek and stuff like that. He's like, oh my gosh, she's gone. And she's a geek. It's the ideal. It's the ideal right there. Okay, so fearlessness. That is because these kind of things that we're talking about mindset right now. And so people,

35:05 we all can, we can take on a way of being. Not that we are that way, not that we have to stay that way, but in a certain situation, we can be like, right, I'm creating the possibility here of being fearless. And I guess picking those ways of being for that moment are quite important because we could pick one like bold, but if that feels quite intimidating, like it's not, oh, I just can't imagine myself being bold. So we have to, we have to kind of almost like we're sifting through an old, like a record shop. We're looking for that for that way of being that works for us in that situation. People can pick one and try it on, like, oh, I troll bold.

35:46 Oh, no, not bold. I tried fearless. Oh, I quite like. Yeah, fearless works for me. I could be fearless in that moment. Is that something people can do as a mindset hack? That's an interesting question. I don't know if that would work across the board. It would be something it'd be interesting to experiment with and notice your response to. If you try, oh, in this moment, I'm going to be bold. Your body's like, fuck you, you're going to be bold and you're running the other direction. That's interesting information. If you're like, all right, I'm going to push through. Okay, go ahead and do it. The inner voice is just laughing. Screw you. I'm out of here, right? Bold, good. I'm looking forward to this, Mr.

36:30 It'll have a field day. So it depends what your issues are. But that's not the place you're trying to get. The place you're trying to get has less strategy to it. Okay. It's more of an authentic flow. Okay. So this is so where do we go to tap into? Where do we go to find this source or this flow? Inward. It is already there. We're just afraid to let it go. So that situation that you've of you in Brighton, right? So you walked by, you felt a flow. The flow said, I want to talk to her. Right? You lit up. When your system lights up. So interestingly, I'm going to, I think I'm going to do a TED talk on this.

37:11 There is in each of us, and this is one of the things I teach people how to access, there is within each of us a guidance system, an inner guidance system that is operating all the time that shows you what choices to make, when, and in what way. And it's binary. It's either a yes or a no, a one or a zero. And it's in every single one of us. And it is 100% accurate all the time because what it is, is your system going, yes. And when your system does that, that's your inner guidance system.

37:55 That is your spiritual connection, that is your consciousness lighting up. And it's always lit, but showing through and guiding you where to go. And it is incredibly clear. We usually dismiss it. Yes. We tell it to shut up. We're too scared. We're all the drama in our heads. So in that moment, your system lit up. You didn't just say, I saw this keep bird. Now it's going to go do this thing. You're like, oh my God, did you see her? Whoa. Right? You went, even as you spoke, you could see it coming through, like, I saw this woman, right?

38:35 And so that's your system going, yes, to whatever it is that just happened. That's your system going, yes. So then you felt that. You mentioned it to your friend, which was great. He's a safe place, right? It's comfortable to talk to him as opposed to going straight for her. And he encouraged you to follow that flow, which you did. And then that led you a certain direction. Doesn't mean she's like the person for you and she's going to be, you know, you're going to have nine beautiful children and live together for 60 years. That may not be your path, but it does mean that that is your path, going that direction, following that light. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You start making every decision that way.

39:17 Your life starts to get really awesome really fast. Yeah. George Costanza in Seinfeld. he decided to do the opposite of his thoughts, as I think it's like serious six. He did the opposite of his natural way of being. All these things might have fallen into place for him. And I don't mean to suddenly lighten that very important point that you just made. It is true that when we work on one area of life and we create a breakthrough in it, that it cascades into other areas of life. And that's part of the essence and message inside of Team Subadad is that, you know, whether you can be awesome in business and have a terrible relationship.

40:01 You can be fit as hell and have no money. It's like, okay, well, first of all, we're going to team these people up so that we can learn from each other and then get into the community. But also that we can individually create those breakthroughs for ourselves because we can see in those other people, oh, he's no different than me. Why can't I do that? Oh, okay, right. Yeah, I've just been, I've been sabotaging that area of my life, or I didn't think I deserved that much money. I didn't think. Oh, I had that one. Yeah. Oh, big time. Yeah, it's a glass ceiling. It's a totally glass ceiling that we get stuck on. Everything is. I had a teacher that everything that is not that lit up feeling is.

40:46 I had a teacher once who used to say, she said once anyway, she said, there are three you's. There's the you people think you are. There's the you you think you are. And then there's the you you really are. And in the distinguishing of those three things, eventually you let go entirely the first one. Just about. It's almost useless. Yeah. The second one is also almost pretty useless. The third one, you know, when you get to, oh, who am I really? Maybe you're not actually shy. Maybe you've just been telling yourself a story and identifying yourself as shy this whole time.

41:27 Or maybe you've identified yourself as really wealthy. And that's always been your story. You can change your story. First, you need to see it as a story, though, and not reality, because the more you link your story and reality, the more stuck to it you are. Yeah. And so all of these things begin to fall into place. And so you can see how, even though it sounds crazy for me to be like, like, I had a client who had an issue. He'd been rejected by women. We did the math for about 50 years. And he had a session with me, joined my program. He had the first session with me. We did some work around him and his mother also at six years old.

42:06 And suddenly he knew exactly why he'd been attracting rejection from women since he was six years old. And so this 50-year pattern shifted in the space of like an hour. And consequently, he'd come to me because he had a woman who was interested in him and he was worried about losing her because they always rejected him. That was his pattern. And he, uh, she actually, she was like, really not that into it. And then after that session, she began pursuing him. So she felt that change in him because he realized he'd been responding from a child place, which was not attracting her. Yeah. And she's, you know, she's also, of course, got her own stuff as well. She wasn't my client. So I don't know, but I'm not saying it's like all the guys because it's not literally exactly both.

42:49 His energy and his expectation. Yeah. It's really the way you present yourself. Yeah. It comes out, it comes out on levels that we can't perceive. Yeah. Okay. So there's that's why going back to some of the things you said, like bringing that fearlessness is one thing, but having the expectation not be even from the outset, oh, well, she's probably going to say no, or it's going to go wrong, or it's going to an expectation that, or I love to say, always got a poster downstairs says, always believe something wonderful is about to happen. So we don't know what it is, but anything wonderful could happen could happen out of this

43:30 casual interaction of, hi, you know, you look like an interesting woman, you look like someone I'd be nice to have a coffee with. The fearlessness in doing that, but then not attached to that outcome or not attached to any significant expectation of it, just something wonderful could happen out of this. A lightness, I suppose, is really what we're talking about. That is the resulting experience, yes. And when you, and you see, those two, those two things are tied, when you release the expectation, there is nothing of which to be afraid. Which is also very calming for the other person.

44:09 It's a release for the other person. You're bringing your fear and expectation in, which they are subconsciously going, I don't know what's going on here, but it's really uncomfortable. Yep. And all of this is happening subconsciously, although you can become aware of all of it pretty easily by like watching yourself, as I said in the beginning. Suddenly, you can see her turn away. Oh, what was happening? Oh, yep, I was feeling young and scared, and I are or demand and desperation or any of those things push people away right away. I would suggest an invitation would be to upgrade your poster to

44:47 get wonderful. Things are wonderful right now. Oh, yeah. And take even the positive expectation off because it's still an expectation. Something wonderful might happen, but then if it does, there might be disappointment. Yeah. Because you're expecting wonderful. So instead, the reality of the moment is already great. Look around you. You're listening to a wonderful podcast with two brilliant people who are giving you fascinating information. You're driving your car or you're, you know, you're in your home or you're outside. It's like, look around. Everything's everything's fine right now. Yeah. If you get out of your head and the story you're telling yourself about how you're not good enough, everything else is great.

45:24 Yeah. It's kind of, it's kind of amazing the level of literal delusion that we live in all the time, just making shit up in our heads and deciding it's real. You know, that's really, you've reminded me actually when my brother's wedding was must have been about 15 years ago now. I don't know, 2007. So yeah, 2007. Yeah. I went into that as a big, big event in different countries in Cyprus. Everyone had gone over to from the UK to Cyprus for the wedding. So I created a possibility for myself in that, how I was going to be those 10 days. Around me, everything works. Nice. So that I was to, I was kind of the linchpin for, like, I didn't want any of the drama or anything going wrong to go near them.

46:12 I was like, around me, everything works. So be the trouble because I'm going to fix it. So around everything, everything works. And it was a really great being to stand in. And someone who's not heard that sort of expression before, that sort of bending of language there because you don't really put those words together like, but who you're being at this time and standing in who I was being there around me, everything works. And it was powerful for me that week. Very liberal. And it wasn't something I didn't make a badge and wear it around, going, oh, by the way, around me, everything works. It was just, it was something inside of me that I could come back and center on around that week.

46:53 That's really powerful what you just said. You just turned it around. And yeah, and the way that you just put that phrasing was actually very accurate. I'm impressed that you did that. Your way of being, you held a state. You can hold any state you want to hold. I am, I love myself. I am loved, right? You hold that state. You're like a magnet. You're like, oh, I like being loved. Oh, this feels good. It feels good to be around this guy. I don't know why, but I just keep wanting to, maybe I'll just go over and hang out again. It's magnetic. It pulls. So what you did there was you held an intention and you turned it into a state of being, which is literally creating your reality.

47:36 And it did. Yeah. So if someone's listening to this, it could be a man, could be women. We do have plenty of women listeners. In terms of relationships, right, and going up to someone like that. And in fact, it could be someone in a relationship still, because if our way of being inside of a relationship is resigned, frustrated, it's not going to work out. I don't think I'm attractive. I don't even think she's attractive. It's like, it's not a good conscious, subconscious. There's just nothing good about it. Like you're expecting, if things carry on, we're probably just going to get divorced. Like you're actually pulling that towards you, right? So that could be someone in that situation. There could be someone else thinking, no one's going to say yes to me if I go out on a date.

48:17 Is there like that kind of that's that way of being that standing in it? Can people create that? Can they do it in front of a mirror or can they write it down? What are some ways that people can make like build that up inside them? How did you do it? Well, I can tell you. We were on a landmark education course. So there's quite a lot of work goes into there about creating possibilities for yourself and your life. So my way of being this week is I'm create myself the possibility of being like fearless, light and fun.

49:00 Like, so if I was going to be that way about going away on a, on a holiday, fearless, light, and fun, or I'm going away for a weekend with a bunch of people I've only just met, then something great is going to come out of that weekend, or at the very least, they're going to enjoy being around me. around me. And I also know that when we create a possibility like that, that we know would make a difference in a situation, but we're not that comfortable with it, doing some mirror work, being kind of being able to be with yourself in the mirror, which is something that is a curious experience for many people. They're just not. You can always tell, ask people to count how many mirrors you've got in the house.

49:43 Some people have like one. Okay, you may have some confidence issues in your house. But just to be able to be in that mirror and be like, wow, okay, I'm going to be with myself and start to notice. Notice the concern. If you can't be peaceful and calm with yourself, or you can't be with yourself without having concern, then how are you going to be with other people? So I think that that's a really good way. I believe that's a really good way for people to tune into that. Is I'm scared, I'm worried, I'm resigned. Okay, right. But with the opposite of that, now get in front of the mirror and say, wow, I'm fearless, fun, and light.

50:26 I'm and feel and feel that reality. If you just tell yourself, or if you just think it, the thoughts aren't, thoughts are not reality. Okay. I'm going to say that one more time. It's very important. Thoughts are not reality. That's why what the you people think you are and the you you think you are don't really matter because they literally don't exist literally. This is not like spiritual, you know, you know, verbiage. Literally, actually, those versions of yourself do not exist. You are living in your thoughts.

51:07 Thoughts will come. There's nothing wrong with thoughts. They're not bad. They're on autopilot and you're attributing them to reality. You know, you walk by and a beautiful woman, you know, looking and looks at you funny or like sort of wrinkles her nose as you go by. Oh my God, she thought I was, she sees, I knew I hated those shoes. She hates my shoes. Oh, yeah. She was thinking about her brother. Yeah, you've no idea. Nothing to do with you. Yeah. And, or everything. Either way, it has nothing to do with you. It's literally her life experience. Maybe you look like her brother and her brother just killed somebody. And she, I mean, it's like, you know, people are living their lives. Like, so we will use whatever we can to just prove ourselves right.

51:48 What we already believe to be true. And so in that way, our world gets very small. So your thoughts are irrelevant. So that's why telling yourself, oh, I'm really successful, you don't believe you. If you did, that would work immediately, right? What you did there was you said, this is my reality. And then you felt that to be true in your body. I actually saw it shift when you brought it up. You were like, I just did this. And then right now, I'm like, I can feel the field around you. There is no way another reality could come towards you when you are in that state because you held that very well. That was very impressive. Yeah. Thank you. And so in that, and so in doing that, that interpreted your reality. So your physical body is your link to reality.

52:31 That's it. That's why I do so much work in the body because everything else is just, it's just, it's not, it's not there. And people can access that like through even their breathing, like just getting present with themselves. You don't realize, oh, or if people have ever done a, like, like a lying down meditation and then they say, uh, like a body scan. And now release the tension in your buttocks. I'm squeezing my butt cheeks. How long have I been squeezing my butt cheeks? I don't know how long I've been squeezing my butt. Am I squeezing my butt cheeks? Yes, I am squeezing my butt cheeks. I literally have a profile in Insight Timer where I do body scans. I have like recorded guided meditations to take people through body scans because it's totally true.

53:15 All you need to do is shift your awareness. It's just your awareness on your buttocks. Let go. Like, oh my gosh, that feels so much better. That feels so free. So I can find you on Insight Timer. Can I? Okay. Yeah. You have a profile there as well. I love that. Anyone if you're listening, go and download Insight Timer. It's great. And even better, you can search up Domini Drew and get her content. Brilliant. My dulcet tones. Getting to ourselves. Okay. Yeah, great. Because, yeah, because all like affirmations without feeling are just blah, blah, blah. And so a lot of people try them and they don't work. If you're trying them and it's not working, you're probably not feeling them. They have to be felt. Yeah. Well, that just, you know, people don't need to get freaked out by that.

53:59 It's just some basic meditation practices of taking time to breathe, to be at peace, to really tune into like, oh my gosh, what am I doing? Okay, yeah, I'm. tune in. Yeah, ask yourself. That's it. I was on a, I was on a bus once. I was living in Boston. I was on the bus from Boston to New York. And this woman sat down next to me. I was feeling kind of like introverted. I had like my book and I kind of just wanted to read my book. And this beautiful Indian woman was sitting next to me, a young woman, probably, I don't know, 35. And she sort of chit-chattle a bit. I was like, yeah, okay. She said, what do you do? And I said, oh, I'm a dating and self-mastery coach. And she goes, oh, what does that mean? I go, oh, you know, I was trying to explain how it didn't really have anything to do with dating.

54:42 And so I was like, well, you know, it's where, you know, people checking with people like where their life is going and if they need help, sort of tuning in with what's right for them and things like that. And she went, oh. And she, I finished my sentence and she looked like I had just slapped her in the face. And this woman was a doctor. She was a resident. Okay. So she'd been, I mean, however long you need a doctor to be a resident, right? More than a decade, I think. And she goes, she looks like I slapped her in the face and she goes, where my life is going?

55:20 And I was like, that seems odd. And I sort of went to my book. And for the rest of that four-hour trip, like two or three times, just periodically out of silence, she would just say, where my life is going. This was this beautiful Indian woman who'd been in her career for at least a decade had never stopped to think whether or not she wanted her life to go where it was going. Yeah. Just my saying that one offhand statement, just kind of trying to get back to my book, like rocked her world in a way she just never, it never occurred to her to even check in. That was her awakening. That was an awakening. Yes. Yeah.

56:02 And that's a beautiful sort of place to take us in this conversation because whether it's a relationship or any other area of life, it is time for an awakening. And this conversation, I hope, could have been that for someone just to catch themselves thinking, oh, yeah, but women are attracted to me. Oh, yeah, but I always get her. Oh, yeah, but it's never going to be, it's not my turn. Like these things are the flipping booby traps that we're putting putting in front of ourselves. And so I really hope this conversation has been that awakening call for those people.

56:38 And as anybody who listens to my podcast or is part of Team Super Dad, you know, you'll know that I'm totally committed to relationships working out, like finding someone awesome and getting together, making it work. But if it's not working out, honor yourself enough to exit that relationship and do it in a positive, positive way. This is that phrase there and moments of awakening is we get one time, one, one trip around this, this crazy rock and we should make the most of it. Yeah. And if you're in a relationship, then address the problems now.

57:17 Oh, totally. There's no problem that can't be solved if you're both willing to talk it out and solve it, right? Or get help and solve it, whatever. But, you know, nothing's, you know, unless you're past the sort of past the point of no return, which, as you said, you know, by all means, exit the relationship. And I'm not pro people staying together as opposed to breaking up. It doesn't matter to me. Self-honoring matters to me a lot. That's what's really important. But do that now. Man, she always does that thing. Talk to her. Yeah. If you're right. Boy, I don't know why she doesn't like me. Talk to her. Yeah. If you catch yourself running a number on someone or a situation, then that is the moment to take responsibility for it.

57:56 Yes. Even if you don't know, open up the lines of communication. Talk it out. If she doesn't want to talk, be like, this is something we need to do. Do we need help? Do we need to, how do we fix it? You know? Yeah, exactly. Well, listen, I'm not, this is the classic way of ending a podcast, isn't it? And I've started to flip this round and I actually forgot today. I get people to talk about where people can find them at the start of the conversation because only the loyalist fans and listeners get this far. But if you have got this far, then you are absolutely blessed because where can people come and find your content and work with you? Any other stuff that you've got available for people?

58:37 Absolutely. Probably my website is the best place to find me, which is dominidrew.com. I'm on Instagram. I'm on Facebook. You're welcome to reach out to me anywhere. And if people are interested, then if you mention this podcast, I'll offer you a free intro call. In fact, if you would like, you can put, I can give you the link to it, Johnny, and you could put it in the notes here if they want. And if they just mention this podcast, then we'll do a free call and we can talk about. about what it is that you're struggling with and see if we can get you some clarity. Yeah, brilliant. Well, listen, for people watching on the live stream or seeing in the comments, there is the link to Domini's website. It will be in the show notes if you're listening on the podcast. So just go there and click it. And

59:23 if you need any more than that, then blindly. D-R-E-W.com, DominiqueDrew.com. Well, I've loved this conversation. This has been yeah, this is fun. Yeah, totally. You know, some parts, you know, I wouldn't use the word complex, but some parts people, you've got to just invite a conversation like this in. I know that quite often people will hear a conversation like this and they'll be like, oh, I don't understand. I can't, I haven't got time for this. I haven't. People need to catch themselves and realize that they're probably deflecting a conversation they need to hear when they have those kind of thoughts.

1:00:02 So I believe this will have been a very powerful conversation for lots of people today. So Domini, thank you very much. It's my honor. Thank you so much for having me. It was really great. What a brilliant conversation. Another session in the can. Love that. Domini is such a great woman, live spirit and energy about her. No surprise, of course, because that's what we're talking about. I hope that you got a lot of value out of that. Like I said at the end, some of these conversations don't always occur as, oh, this is going to be fun, this is going to be easy.

1:00:39 But most likely, when you experience some level of resistance around it or you want to turn off, it probably means that's the exact podcast episode you should be listening to. That's the exact subject you should be getting input and support on. So, of course, come on over to teamsuperdad.com and get signed up for the Hero Academy. And also go and find Domini Drew. She's at dominy drew.com. The links are in the notes. And yeah, she's helping men create the breakthroughs that they want in all areas of their life, whether it's dating and relationships or it's somewhere else. So I'll see you on the next episode of the Team Super Dad podcast. As always, Team Super Dad out.

1:01:22 Bye. This has been Team Super Dad. Find us at teamsuperdad.com. Join the program and create the best life ever for you and your children. You are not alone. You're on Team Super Dad.