Man Up: The Three-Step Process to Finding Your Purpose

00:00 Man up dudes! That phrase, it's... that's not the problem. Using it as a weapon is the problem but the impulse behind it men taking back who they are, men claiming their masculinity is exactly right and The 3xe formulae is my system for doing that let's get into it roll theme Welcome to The Jonnie Jensen Show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches relationships and results they deserve. Get your High Value Man blueprint and join our community at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go!

00:42 Hello men, welcome back to The Jonnie Jensen Show. It's great to have you here! I am Jonnie the founder and head coach of The High Value Man Project. We are a program and community for modern dads – men who want to create the same success at home as they have at work – as they say family men with businesses not the other way around. And today's show is all about that lovely expression man up and the flack that The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, HVM Score, highvaluemanproject.com

01:35 You being who you believe yourself to be. Like real depth of purpose and drive and charisma, like I said really being the man and dad that you want to be. And it's the absence of that is the problem for so many men in the world today I don't know how you found the show, whether you're a long time listener or first here watcher even because we're on YouTube and now Apple and Spotify both got their videos. But I want you to go and subscribe please! This means that you get the latest episode of the podcast when it comes out. It also means that you're more tuned in to the work we do at The High Value Man Project so if you're committed And

02:36 And if you're listening to this podcast, I want to encourage you And if you're not already a member, I encourage you to subscribe and hit the bell so that you can get notified when we release new content.

03:27 So, oh and a great way... For you to start that process, to start that journey. To understand what the high value man principle for life is, the system for life is, it's to go and take the scorecard. Go to highvaluemanprojectcom4/.score This score card is epic! It'll ask you a set of questions which are structured around know the system for living I've created and then it will give you a score back on where your showing up or where your leaking your energy connection and joy right? Super quick, takes a couple of minutes. You get fully personalized response back and it really is your touch point? Touch paper? Touch what's that expression like when you light the firework? Yeah! It kicks everything off right?! So highvaluemanprojectcom forward slash score man up I actually love this expression right but the problem that happens with is it gets used like a weapon. It gets used as abuse or man-up dude you know telling the kid who's crying man

04:30 I've got to be honest, there's even a place for that if i could be so bold. When we're talking to Today's episode is about how do we capture the essence of that. If we're going to say to someone, man up or if you're going to have the experience yourself of I need to man up here like what? How do I grab life by the balls? How do I step up? How do I show up? How do I embrace life? Jonnie Jensen, HVM Score, highvaluemanproject.com

05:28 And if you're going to say, man up like he's got a go and be tough. That's not what it's about. It's not about being something you're not. It's exactly the opposite of that in fact. It's about truly becoming the man that you're meant to be truly becoming that boy that believes in himself and can take on the world. So when you set it like that, it leaves someone with the question of okay great how do I do it? Like that sounds cool, I want it. But how do I do it? And that's the upset for a lot of people is that their experience is, I don't know how to get it. I'd like it but I don't know how to get it. I want the relationship in my dreams but I'm stuck in this one and I don't know what to do. I wanna be stronger, I dunno what to do. It's like this experience of being stuck without momentum and direction

06:25 It is where all problems start, which you know this subject actually as well as being around masculinity leans powerfully into purpose. And what I'm going to break down for you is something from the high value man system from living called a 3xe formula. Now I created this not because I am guru and banged my head on the toilet in like flux capacitor type stuff That's a Back to the Future reference if you haven't watched the bloody movie. Of course, you have surely you have right? But 30 years almost of interest passion into personal development has created this awareness of we get what we think about all the time. We get to be the person we want to be if we're truly inspired by going out there and being it

07:18 Okay, it's so much of about the position you start from and then how you go out and get it. So that's what we're going to get stuck into right? But here's why is the problem. So many men have lost the thread of who they are but it's not really that they're weak these are capable men. It might even be men who are already successful, who are winning in one area of life but absolutely struggling, stuck, scuppered failing Demotivated, emasculated lost their bollocks lost their voice in another area of life. Doing everything that they thought would make them happy

07:55 And finding out that something's still off. That is the experience, that is the experience for so many modern men, so many modern dads and in particular us lot who are reaching these middle age stages and to be honest I do see it well...I guess you could say that happens in all stages right but increasingly you're getting it with young men who are coming out of school or coming out university and not knowing Where to go, not knowing what to do. Not knowing who they should be and so they're sat on their arse looking at their phone blaming the world about what's going on. Midlife dads get into this point working hard, created the money got the house had the wife kids thought that everything was gonna be sweet and now they find themselves miserable overweight divorced stuck in a relationship that doesn't work is that the problem are those people the problem? Is life the problem no it's from within you it's from within your being

08:48 It's a level of responsibility. It's a level of manning up where you go, I'm not going to take this anymore. I'm going to go out in there and do something about it. So it's a purpose crisis really. You know, there is all this talk about mental health and men s mental health and it is important because so many men not just the ones that are taking their lives but what about the ones that try to and don't succeed? What about the ones who are thinking about it but actually don't do it? What about the ones who are utterly miserable but don't realise its a mental health crisis like there are so many stages of it you might recognise that actually your in one of those loneliness is epidemic across

09:26 Now, if you're looking at this from the position of I don't know how to fix this or I can't change her or this relationship I'm stuck in. Or I'm depressed, I'm lonely. A lot of people sit in victimhood there as well about there's nothing they can do about it when it comes down to something called purpose when it's about identity, when it's about commitment And the courage to go after it, then this becomes something that you can hold in your hand. This becomes something that you can take control of and go out there and do. We have to do that because without it I just said depression, relationship struggles, obesity addiction... The slow slide into the low value death spiral we go to those places because it numbs the gap

10:16 The not having the purpose is uncomfortable. The not knowing who we are is deeply confronting, and so we avoid that pain by getting on our phone and taking some fake dopamine or watching some porn or having a little gamble all the fun stuff right? But the problem is it's not fun when you're using it to cover up how you're really feeling Right. Success without happiness isn't success, and so here's how we break it down. Here's how we do this right? The 3XC formula clarity, courage and commitment each one opens up the next and when a man applies this he transforms. He literally rebirths if you've watched Doctor Whoever I'm not a fan but i know there's a bit where the doctor like dies and the next doctor appears

11:06 This is that, or I've tried the expression like a snake shedding its skin but it doesn't really work because then you're telling people that they're a snake right which we would not be doing. How about butterfly? Bit feminine right i don't know or is it an eagle there we go what about that The, the eagle stuck in his nest not knowing whether he can fly or not. Not knowing whether he can be as strong and as powerful as is, as is, as his father. And then what happens when he literally throws himself out of the nest and soars into the sky? That's what I'm talking about for you! When men thrive, everyone around them thrives. It doesn't work the other way round and this isn't about masculinity versus femininity it's not about men being better than women or whatever it's not about 2026 inequality...it's about this innate energy polarity masculine energy versus feminine energy it's about the provider and the nurturer

12:05 It's about the leader and the supporter. When a man is struggling, his wife will have to step in and take more responsibility for the security of the family. When a woman does that, a man's masculinity diminishes it goes down he feels more shit about himself. He feels emasculated. He's lost his bollocks and his voice that is undeniable You can be the stay-at-home dad and have that, right? Again it's not about roles. It's about who you're being so we're going to reconnect you with that I'm gonna walk you through this today So step one clarity This is a man reconnecting with who he is and what he actually wants Not what he supposed to want not what he thought he was doing for a career not what he thinks everyone else is doing What's actually true for him Think about that for second

12:56 This is a theme that comes up regularly on the show. I'm not going to make any apologies about that. It's about absolutely 100% knowing who you are and what you're about, knowing what you want to do with that and then having a really strong why that compels you to want to go and do it. A why that's probably bigger than you. Most of us don't have that we don't have it because we've been conditioned by life We've got the kids, the wife, the house, the work. And then if we stop doing that then who I am disappears because we made our identity about those things about work about being a dad about being a husband like so i've got to keep all those things and otherwise I'm shit no you are the foundation you are awesome you are the masculine confident

13:44 And I'm going to come on to where'd you get fulfillment from in the next two sections. But clarity is about having a purpose, okay? It's great. It kind of get into semantics really, can you have purpose without clarity? Others say the same thing but how I'm saying it to you now is you have a clarity about who you are and what you stand for, what you want your values your strengths, your weaknesses, your passions, your commitments. You know what you love doing in life and what you don't really love doing. You know what lights you up like imagine some really brazen stuff. I was just listening to some Robert Greene stuff on one of the Huberman shows right if you are

14:38 An incredible pianist, a violinist. If you're incredible on the saxophone like playing music like that right? That level of intensity, the passion for it, the joy you get from playing it...that's who you are! Now if you're someone who's an adrenaline junkie like a Formula One racer or a MotoGP bike racer Or any other sport that's got high levels of adrenaline. I would love to do that Red Bull kite surfing, no not kite surfing like wing suit stuff. I do believe the moment might have passed me. I presume you have to start by doing some base jumps or something horrific but i've always dreamt like literally had dreams of flying they were like one of my recurring dreams flying and then you see these guys in the red bull wingsuits right? That level of adrenaline and speed

15:36 Flipping, grabbing your bollocks and going for it is a completely different identity passion and purpose and drive than the man who's absolutely ripping it on stage playing the saxophone at some festival or concert to 60 000 people. Do you see what I'm talking about there? If you don't have a hold on that then you could literally be living the wrong version of you There's a Japanese proverb, which I've bastardized and used quite a lot because I heard it and it really hit me. Right? Don't judge a goldfish by its ability to climb a tree. Don't judge a monkey by its ability to flip in swim. This is not what they do. This is not their core thing. So what gets... What changes for a man when he gets clear?

16:30 I can tell you what changes, right? Decisions become easier. Energy becomes back passion commitment drive the ability to say, I don't think I'm going to do that because it's not really aligned with where I'm headed or absolutely that sounds awesome yeah give me some more of that one of the most pivotal moments in this journey of The High Value Man Project and my experience in life of my coaching came up a mountain And if you're new to the podcast, I'm Jonnie Jensen.

17:17 That wasn't like we were at the top of Mount Everest, right? But we were up a mountain. There were crevasses around us. The flipping clouds rolled in and the blizzard came with it and suddenly we could only see about a flipping hand distance in front of us. We're roped up and he says, right, we need to be five meters apart because if one of us goes down a crevasse, the other one needs to be able to stop them from falling. I was like oh okay! Okay, I've got that right. The thing is, I wasn't that bothered about that. I was walking along one foot in front of the other thinking how am I going to fix this? How am I going to fix this focused intently on the divorce and the shit show that was going on in my life when I got to the other side or when we were in the sun finally came out and we had to stop and take all our stuff off. I looked back at the gap

18:06 Between where we were and where the danger was, it was like 1500 metres. It was so far but because we couldn't see, we'd had to carry on walking slowly but there wasn't... The crevasse field was way behind us and that's what life is like when you haven't got a clear grounded path And I gave this to you, all the experiences, all the people you've met. All the ups, all the downs it was to bring you to this moment. The courses, the books that videos so that you could help other people and then boom literally transformed my experience of the whole situation transform my experience in myself. My friend took me up that mountain gave me that moment he gave me the opportunity for that to happen

19:05 It came from truly connecting with who I am and what I'm up to or was going to be up to, rather than focusing on the shit that was going on. You see that? When you're focused on the stuff that's going on that is not really you it's painful and difficult when you get connected with who you are and what you're up to and what you're supposed to be doing then its immensely powerful so that brings us into step two which is courage Now this is the part that most men skip because they don't know they need it, or they don't want to confront some of these things. It's the weight that men drag around and I've got to be thankful for my time spent doing work at Landmark Education for this. I've also got to thank Wayne Dyer and Esther and someone Hicks, Jerry Hicks right?

19:57 About realizing that when you live from a place of frustration, blame doubt regret guilt upset about your childhood upset about your marriage upset about something that went wrong in your past trauma that you're not willing to let go off right. When you're carrying around that with you it's a heavy load It shapes your decisions. It shapes how you view people, it shapes what you think and say and then most people are completely oblivious to what this is costing them. It's like a background noise that you've become so used to that you forget hearing its like if you live by a railway station, you can flip in sleep through anything right? But that doesn't mean the sound has gone away. It doesn't mean that if you got rid of it that life wouldn't be easier would you sleep better if he didn't live by a flipping railway station

20:46 Probably. And this courage piece is why clarity on its own won't stick, it's why having a bunch of goals and saying yes goals we will go and do them it's why that's not enough It's the three elements of the 3XC that count. And courage is freeing yourself of all that baggage, of freeing yourself of all the crap you're carrying around with you that's having you say to yourself I wish things better or things wouldn't be like this if it wasn't for her or if that hadn't happened when I was a kid I wouldn't feel like this. It's my dad's fault, it's my exes fault, its' my wife's fault... who is it? Who is my teacher's fault? The shift comes when a man has the courage

21:24 The courage to look at himself in the mirror and actually see what all that crap is doing. Looking at it and choosing to put it down because when you do something opens up, It's a piece of you that has been withheld for too long or it's a piece of you there's been like a version of you that's been wedged in front of you if you're not living your true self and if you're carrying around load of frustrations and bollocks You will be a bit of an arsehole to your wife Now you might think that you're not, but you won't be able to help it. It's in your energy is how you wake up and she might be being a complete nightmare trust me I know that experience but it's not about whether that stuff's not going on its about where does he come from? Its' about what part of it can you take responsibility for? Responsibility is also part courage

22:14 Because when you see that it's ultimately within your control, within your hands then that is wonderfully freeing. Incredibly empowering in everyday life what it looks like is having those difficult conversations you've been avoiding right? Not blame not you this not you that It's like look I can see I've been a bit like this and this is where I think it's coming from This is what I'd like to propose or this is why I think has the impact on you and why I think things might be a little bit like this I wonder what different version of it we could take It's about forgiving your parents. Classically, it's also about forgiving yourself the choices you made the things you didn't do that journey you took or didn't take because when you get complete when things that aren't finished become done You are left with this wide open space to be the man and dad you want to be it's a fresh start. It's a new you

23:07 It's like getting your car validated. You can't believe how incredible your car feels after it has been validated, fresh sheets on your bed after you've washed them. That is what it's about! A swim in the cold pool after a big night out. Courage Letting go of all this stuff and creating a space to be someone new, right? And how do you create that new person? Well that's what we dig into when we're working together. Okay but courage is not the absence of fear it's choosing how you respond to it. It's pushing through those uncomfortable moments being committed to something that's bigger than you and then into commitment okay. Commitment is not motivation, not at all! It's not willpower either... Those two things will run out

23:51 Commitment is sticking at something because it's what you said you would do. It's committing to something because the reason you're doing it, is bigger than you your why Nietzsche, Viktor Frankl when your why is big enough you'll be able to take on any challenge so commitment there's a science to it can't go looking for motivation you can't take her confidence pill or you can't take a motivation pill commitment is actually born out of Habits, compound leverage and neuroscience. Right. These are things that are infinitely within our control, right? Because whether you like going running, whether it's raining or sunny if who you are is I'm going to be fit and strong so I can play with my grandchildren, or I'm gonna be fitting strong so I can make money so that my family are happy then you will go to the gym regardless of how you feel when you've done some sponsorship and in now raising a thousand pounds like we did for

24:51 And And like right today I will do this. Now some people can do that if you get told you've got lung cancer and you're going to die, well you bloody well give up smoking right? That happens in a heartbeat but other things... You might want to try giving up chocolate for a week stopping bread for three weeks setting a challenge to do a 10-minute workout every day for one week or two weeks because habits are born out of a decision to follow something through and why that makes it important the science of habits tips into

25:45 The neuroscience part, okay? Because to stick at something we need to feel motivated towards doing it. And I just said you can't take a motivation pill! But what you can do is you can trigger dopamine. Dopamine fires our inner drive, it's one of our reward chemicals. Dopamine motivates us to want to go and do something more because we do something it feels nice like going for a run right or playing Fortnite because these are where you get some fake dopamines. You achieve something, it feels good and your body goes yes have a shot of dopamine The dopamine shot is nice. It's tasty, it feels good so your brain and your body go oh I'd like some more of that where did i get it from? Oh you got it from doing a run! Oh okay well I'll do some more runs then... That's how you start to leverage your neuroscience and the habit science together same happens in relationships you know oxytocin the love drug well it's hard to stay in love it's hard to keep the passion alive when there's no oxytocin

26:49 How do you get oxytocin? You spend quality time with the people you love. You laugh, you hold hands, you kiss, you flip in high five, you have sex like and guess what! You get rewarded from those things with oxytocin and when the oxytocin feels good you want to go and get some more of it or you feel more inclined to go and do it. People who have no love life are tanked their oxytocin and in midlife that comes from a couple The routine of being with that person for a long time. And the other is general age, testosterone menopause. But what I do know is along with lifestyle changes it's an attitude change so we feel where we're getting our oxytocin from and then compound leverage this is habit stacking basically but I read Darren Hardy's book The Compound Effect and apparently I've been told that is based on someone's much bigger book with the name which I forgotten but anyway

27:47 What starts small becomes unstoppable. You don't win a marathon by trying to run a marathon on the, or you don't finish your marathon by trying to run a marathon on your first workout. You do lots of little runs and you start to build them up. So commitment is about accountability. It's about environment. It's a structure around you, the people you're doing it with. And when you put that in place magic happens. It's very hard to be committed to a job you hate And if you're interested in learning more about the Jonnie Jensen Show,

28:38 It's a level of desire and enjoyment that has a man show up as the best version of himself, that has a man grab life by the bollocks. That has a man have difficult conversations so things improve and he can start to live the life he desires rather than one that he feels stuck in. It's not about doing more it's about doing the right things consistently until they're just who you are our work here is not something to learn it's who you become So you can see how this all ties back into Manning Up If you say to someone, man up as a threat or as a put down they're left in no better place. They're not left with no greater tools or inspiration to go and do something about it. You've just reinforced that they are shit and so no man-up is not a good expression but when you can say to someone Do you want to man up? What would it be like to man up what would it be like to step up to embrace life to be the best version of yourself if I'd say yeah I want that

29:36 So then that's why man up is a good expression. Man up is a powerful expression and quite frankly, manning up is what a massive number of men need to do. Our women are waiting for it to happen our children need it to happen the world is suffering from not enough men manning up Not enough men standing up to shit that is not okay, to racism, to extremism. To just low level not caring about the people around us. To not prioritizing having fun and making the world a better place. That's what the job of a dad is. That is the job of a father and when we all start behaving like fathers

30:23 In our lives, for all the people we are connected to then we get to make a difference. Then we get to start a movement that is really impacting the world when men do this they don't just change their families change their relationships change their kids grow up watching a different kind of man The power is huge so I want you to commit to living it daily. I want you to go and take the High Value Man Score card highvaluemanprojectcom forward slash score That starts the process for you. Off the back of that, you can book a call with me to review your score if you want to talk about elite one-on-one I take on maximum three men a month only 28 men a year and we go through the high value man system for living one-on-one If you want to do the group work We have accelerate which we do three times a year small group powerful 20 men this whole thing is about seeing

31:15 That's thriving. So I hope this has been powerful for you, if you've got any questions about it and I would absolutely love to hear them if you're watching this anywhere you can comment then please do ask a question what'd you want know? What part of this do you want challenge? What experience have you got that may be different? I believe that this is the most powerful way to speak to a man's heart And soul, heart and soul mind and soul to just speak to a man. Right? We know this stuff is what we want the frustration comes from not knowing how to get it. And what I have here at The High Value Man Project is a way for all men to grab this. So like share review the podcast and get yourself over to that scorecard. I'll see you on the next episode. Let's go!

32:04 Thanks for tuning in to The Jonnie Jensen Show. Be sure to subscribe, leave a review and share it with fellow dads! Creating the life you deserve starts with YOU. Get your HVM blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at hivaluemanproject.com Let's go