The Decade That Makes or Breaks You: What I've Learned at 52

00:00 The decade that either makes or breaks you, I am 52 on Tuesday and yeah i can feel it for the first time particularly. It's probably my back the body you know is starting to get creaky but i will say this...I see men in their 40s turning 40 who seem older than me in virtually every way. Their health ,their energy, the spark, the simple joy of life This is what I have realized as I hit 52, what I wish I'd known when I turned 40. Welcome to The Jonnie Jensen Show where modern dads discover how to create the true riches relationships and results they deserve Get your high value man blueprint and join our community at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go

00:53 Hello men, welcome back to The Jonnie Jensen Show. I am the creator and founder of The High Value Man Project. Jonnie Jensen of course is my name and this is the podcast! It's great to have you here if you are a returning listener or watcher then bloody good to see you please be sure to share and subscribe uh and of course leave a review That would massively help me and if it's your first time here, brilliant. I really hope that you are here for all the right reasons. You know something that you're looking for a point in time where you want more out of this life that we have where you want to feel and be more of the man and dad that you know your capable of being because that's what we do here at The High Value Man Project

01:37 This is a program and community for motivated modern dads, you know. Men who really want to create the life they desire rather than they feel stuck in And the best place to start that is at our highvalueman scorecard. So if you go to highvaluemanproject.com forward slash score, it will tell you exactly where in your life you are leaking your energy and drive and joy and give you a truly personalized response based on your answers straight to your inbox a couple of minutes later That's really the start of The High Value Man journey. It is an awakening, right? It's a point in which like a realization of how much more am I going to put up with this? This isn't what I planned for. This is...I want something more than this! I'm not really willing to wake up feeling like this every day and for those men who are absolutely smashing it already we're never at the end there's always that point

02:37 What got you here is not going to get you to the next stage. It's just simply not, and that is an aspect of life, an aspect of this journey that I've been on as a hit 52 that it's becoming ever more apparent to me. I said it to a guy this week when we were having one of like introductory call and he said to him The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, highvaluemanproject.com I'm

03:32 And so I'm going to break down this episode into two parts really. The first is just really a chit chat about where I'm at, at 52 and in the second part I'm going to share some of what I believe are my You know, like foundational mantras. The pillars of my character that I really want to pass on to you some of them might sound spot on they might really hit you between the eyes as a realization other bits you might be like oh yeah well of course Jonnie I know that good glad you know it because if you know it and your applying it great! If you know it and your not doing it and thinking Oh I really should do that each day then to know but not to do is not to know

04:16 And so we have to apply, we have to learn and then apply. Right? That's how we evolve. So yeah I am feeling it. I think for the first time really in my life i'm experiencing being a little bit old you know catching myself a reflection in the mirror not like I feel well your old or whatever but it is just a bit noticeable you know when you're starting a conversation as I guess just going out, like we were out last weekend. But you know, you're around people of different ages and you're suddenly aware yes, I am at least double their age right? That's for everybody talking to a really young person like my kids mates and then even some dads who've got little kids now they are under 10. You kind of realize in oh man he is 32! Wooo that's a solid 20 year gap. Like Oh My Gosh

05:19 So it is interesting, right? Like we and with this sciatica back pain that I've got going on at the moment. As you do, I've been watching stuff on YouTube but really important this to have a back problem and not to learn about it, to be getting divorced and not get really knowledgeable about it, to run a marathon and not find out like how'd you run a marathon successfully bloody stupid! To go on antidepressants and not look up what they are or what they do and how much you could take in how long should you be on them. Bloody stupid Right. Point is, if I can remember what I was saying... Oh yeah, Sciatica watching YouTube! So this guy comes on again he's about 30 right? And the video is for seniors which is what Americans call them so he's talking about seniors and then he goes Yeah, so if you're 50 plus... I'm in the serious senior bracket anyway this all ties back into fitness I am super fit-ish

06:19 Hi-Rox was about, blimey end of March. So that's wow like eight weeks ago now I was really buzzing about how fit I was about my time and then since then this back thing has just been driving me mental and then it turned into sciatica about two weeks ago You know, and I changed my gym because I wanted to be... get a membership at Pure because Pure has got a gym in Ashford and they've got one in Maystone so I can go with Joe there or we can both go here. So it all kind of makes sense but it was... It's a change of my routine You know, and with a change of routine quite often comes a challenge on commitment. Right? Purposely using the word commitment there instead of motivation you know being motivated can come in and go out but being committed doesn't matter where the gym is or what time in morning you have to get up there to go see it or whether you like it or not if you say you're going to go, you're going to go. And I was doing that!

07:19 And now the back pain. I've literally been told stop exercising, get this fixed and then you can get back exercising it feels like someone's put a hole in the boat and i'm losing uh losing fitness straight out of the hole! And then like friends and social life as I said we were out last week It was great. It was a bank holiday weekend, we were at a party... We went to a concert on this Friday up in London three of my oldest friends got gifted the tickets which was nice and it was a Cruder & Dorfmeister gig and they were playing DJ Kicks their mix album which is somewhere around mid-90's that came out and it was just brilliant. Here's the mad thing though, we pushed to the front

08:03 If ever you come with me to a concert, we are going to get as close to the front as possible. Because that's bizarrely there's generally more space there but it's also where the best bit right? At certain points when I was dancing, I would turn around and now be having my back to the stage and facing the rest of the venue. The number of people that weren't really dancing like that just doesn't make sense to me. I'm a bit old now so i'll just stand near the back and nod my head.

08:50 If who you are is, I flipping love dancing. I love getting sweaty. I love being at the front. Well, I love music and I know I love being out with mates then flipping blow the bloody lid off okay? And then doing that, and in particular being out on the Sunday with my lad and Joe. We were at a couple of different parties he stayed at the first one but being there it's like DJs outside or Funkin Soul event loads people sun shining brilliant not the price...the price of beer is not brilliant but anyway! He's there across the across the beer garden with all his mates and it was just like this weird sort of time warp

09:31 I mean, it's a credit to both them. To my ex-wife and to myself, and of course the people around us as well. They are thriving young adults now and people look at their kids off the back of a divorce and think oh how is it going? How are we gonna... they're never gonna be the same! It's gonna ruin them. No not all being a shit parent is gonna ruin your kids. Being a great parent letting them know that they are loved and supported and trusted

10:26 Another thing that's been big for me this year has been, quite honestly ADHD subjects. Which I don't necessarily like talking about that much, not because I want to hide it. But I just think it's a bit boring you know? Everywhere you go someone is waving an ADHD badge in your face and that pisses me off! You know when someone says who they are what they do and the third thing they say is oh and I've got ADHD...I've heard people suggest to me that that's no bad thing right

11:16 And I guess there is some context to that because if you are someone whose mind works at a hundred miles an hour and you're constantly like think starting up new things, possibly forgetting people's names or struggling with your diary. Or having real highs and lows in terms of energy and focus then it could be argued that that's very appropriate to mention to the people around you which naturally at this point in time I do agree with. I'm not going to sure it's going to be the third thing that I say to someone Hello, my name's Jonnie Jensen. I'm a life coach for men and I've got ADHD! I don't get that but knowing yourself you know the medication thing was not something i really wanted to lean into but it did start to occur to me what if I could be more focused in my work?

12:02 What if I could manage these highs and lows of energy and focus better? And what's possible as a result of that for both, for me, the people closest to me. For my clients, for my business success or my impact in the world. And that's when it becomes important, important to do what's necessary. So yeah make of that what you will. I think possibly my lesson there was I tried to avoid the subject for awhile And if you're interested in learning more about Jonnie Jensen's podcast, check out his website.

12:52 Literally at this 52 age, my mood and wellbeing, my performance, my productivity is noticeably like trackable impacted by the amount of quality sleep I'm getting. Which ties back into the fun and you know, social life and fitness and all those kinds of things but regulated sleep works it's It's not a nice to have, it's not an accidental or occasional thought. A thing you do at the end of the day is like core, literally core. Like putting the right fuel in your car when sleeps right everything works quite frankly when it slips things get a bit harder and I'm very tuned into that

13:35 I'm And if you're tired and your brain's fuzzy, and you just struggling to get through each day. You can't have that focus and,

14:24 And then into the second part of today's episode, which is very similar to what I've just been talking about. But these are some of the more almost mantras Foundational elements to living a successful life, to being the man and dad you want to be. And as you know we yes I want you to be successful in your work in your business about making money. The High Value Man Project isn't necessarily about how to make more money but it is about how to lead. It is about how to show up in your life

15:00 I did a number of business programs throughout my career and yes, as part of my personal development journey. But what I do know is that whilst they run parallel and they can support each other if you're not happy and successful at home it's almost impossible to be successful and happy in business. The two things one begats the other and for me home Your relationships, your joy as a lover or as a father coming home to that each day fills you up. It's the fuel and we need that okay? We absolutely need that so yes it's about working on you being the high value man that you know and deserve to be

15:50 Here we go. Almost like a list, okay? Don't sweat the small stuff. I had re-listened as I said earlier to Nonviolent Communication great book and it does fall into not just not sweating the small stuff because that means don't be a stress head. Picking your battles, right? Knowing where to focus your energy. You know snapping at someone because you don't like what they said is ridiculous because what it probably means is that you weren't paying attention to what they were really feeling or what they were really asking. You were just reacting to what they said and that is when you do sweat the small stuff

16:34 Because you're willing to go to war, you're willing to go into battle with someone. Probably someone that you either care about or that has a function to play in your life like if it's someone in your team or someone you know, you're reporting into or you're managing. Arguments are not generally about them all the moment there's some kind of frustration or upset in yourself and that's the point right? Reacting to what they said isn't really being honest, not being honest from where you're coming from. And it's not noticing what they're actually asking. So when you do notice yourself sweating the small stuff reacting irrationally actually stop take a moment

17:18 Check in and say, am I really understanding what they're saying? Because the chances are 99% of the time if you haven't done this work is that you won't be. So it's not even a difficult trick right? You ask them what did you mean by that or what is it that you really want me to know about that subject? Or you can say to them, I think I just heard you say this. Is that what you meant or have I completely misunderstood that? That allows them to say Oh, well I actually know. I didn't want you to think that! No, actually no what was really mean was...I'm a little bit upset about how that went and wondering if we could find a different way? Oh yeah okay yeah we can probably do that. That's sort of like page one of non-violent communication getting into people's worlds rather than blowing up in their face. Number two if even gonna do this right as a numbered list joy. Joy in your life

18:14 And if you're not a fan of the word, I'm sorry to say that this podcast is not an optional thing. It's the whole point and waiting for joy to arrive or waiting for someone else to be more fun to be around or to give you more sex so that you can be joyous is upside down right? You can be some people dance in the rain, some people run from Now it doesn't mean put up with crap constantly. Okay? It doesn't mean like sit in a miserable job and a miserable business or a miserable relationship, or be totally fine with being skinned or totally fine with being a millionaire but unhappy. Like it's about you realizing that you can be happy with or without all of that stuff because if you don't like what you've got or you feel like something is missing then go out there and get it!

19:07 But coming to that from a place of upset and misery and frustration is not going to make, worse than not making a difference. It's actually gonna make it harder. The joy you desire comes from the energy that you put in. It's about being the difference that you want to see. So it's like fun isn't the reward at the end of all the hard work. You know? You find fun by bringing it to everything you do, by choosing to notice Things that make you smile, things to laugh about or bringing people in to experience your joy.

19:44 That as a measure of the man that we are, I believe is a far more positive person to be around. And you will get the feel good chemicals that come from that which will push you forward. It's the complete opposite of the toxic negative adrenal cortisol drain being stressed out and miserable all time. So joy is the medicine fun and laughter is the fuel that you need Not really optional, but like the sleep and the exercise. Number three tapping into the relationship subjects again no relationship is going to survive or thrive on its own it takes something it takes a commitment from both of you but it takes a commitment most of all from the man for the person I'm talking to today to lead in that actually set the bar

20:38 To notice her, to be clear on what you're creating. To invite her to share in the joy. When the communication is open and fluid like that there really shouldn't be any resistance or hesitation about any subject it goes without saying it is without doubt that there are subjects topics which can be challenging parenting skills or tendencies sex life Social life, particularly as we get older. One of us not wanting to go out and the other one wanting to. One of us wanting sex and the other one not wanting any. It can be challenging but what one thing's for certain is that if you are not sharing every single thing about how your feeling about those subjects, not as you this, you that but from a place of I'm looking to create, I would like to feel, I want to give this to you

21:36 It becomes an invitation. It becomes an opportunity for them to step into that doesn't feel fraught with risk or danger from them speaking freely and openly back to you now, it might be inside of that that you find there are differences challenges problems that you can't do anything about maybe that becomes a conversation about And if you're not already a subscriber, consider subscribing to the channel.

22:19 Most relationships where two people have fallen in love for the right reasons, it can be worked out by tuning back into that. By doing little things for each other, by having fun and laughter, by making quality time for each other, by having great sex, by having an active social life where you share good times together. And next on my list as number what I think is like four is this nonviolent communication so I'm going to repeat a bit of what I've said already during the episode but I guess two things really, because it does tie back into the point about reading and growing and evolving. Being able to see new things about yourself based on stuff that you've just read. It's like it's literally the mirror that you didn't know was there. It's revealing something to you about yourself or about how relationships work or about how parenting or fitness or any of these other subjects we're talking about is revealing new information to you. And

23:17 Nonviolent communication, kind of crossing the streams here. Two different subjects but yeah go and read, go and learn more or listen to audio books. And two in regards to this communication point is as a man, as the leader in your family not the controlling figure in your family but as the man who drives his team forward as he wants everyone to thrive and succeed and be happy Then it is your job to understand how communication works, to be able to get down onto the level of the people that you're with.

23:55 Something I learned actually when I was doing some training in a restaurant as a waiter once, was about eye to eye communication. So when we took our orders like the food orders we scooched down so that it's almost like kneeled down at the side of the table so that we were more eye level with the customers. And that goes with our kids as well, particularly little kids. Okay? But whatever height they're at try and get at eye level when you're having conversations with them when something is there to be important to be said always asking people, have I understood this right? Is this what you meant like repeating it back to someone so that they feel heard, so they feel understood. Have I missed anything? It's a powerful question

24:46 Yeah, you missed this and this. Oh wow okay now I really get where you're at! Interesting... And that's part of it as well is not to respond out of defense or deflection or frustration but to really just hear the words of the other person. It doesn't mean they're true it doesn't mean that you're bad it doesn't mean that the whole thing is a complete nightmare it's just them flapping their lips and words coming out your opportunity is to hear them and consider And then come back at an appropriate time with the response or with a adjusted behavior. Could be immediately, could be a week later whatever it is but it comes out of really hearing and understanding the other person which leads neatly into personal development not being optional...not being an option! The percentage of men and women really who don't read a single book during a year I asked this question at a networking event the other day that I was hosting

25:47 I'm not joking, because it wouldn't be funny. There's probably 20 people in the room and about far, yeah. Way less than half as I think it was about six people out of the 20 were able to actually share something. The rest of them said no well yeah or well a kind of no not really I don't really read anything same goes into exercise number of people who say oh yeah well iIdon't really like exercise is not really... No! It's not an option

26:32 We don't exercise to have a six pack or win an Olympic medal, right? We exercise to be the best version of ourselves. To de-stress, to get creative, to feel confident naked, to be able to play with our kids, to be able to have great sex, to live till we're as old as possible. That's why we exercise and personal development like sharpening the sword learning more about how humans behave and how you could operate and how the way that you see things might not be the whole picture When you discover that, it will literally transform your experience of life. And then last two character I'm sure you've heard about if you're into sport, you would have definitely heard this and I'm pretty sure it goes back to a coach or the New Zealand rugby team talking about not having any dickheads on his team and then various football coaches have talked about it as character inside their squads

27:27 I'm I'm also, for my sins a Tottenham fan and they've got a new manager. And he's done pretty good in a difficult situation and repeatedly in press conferences he's talked about character talking about the characters of particular players of leaders when I saw was at my boys football the other night The opposition's keeper went down with cramp because he was about to kick the ball downfield

28:17 All the other his team had moved upfield and my boy being the striker of the opposition was closest to him. He, when the kid went down with cramp, my boy went up and helped him. And he's not the only person that would do that okay? I'm not saying he is like unique and amazing but it is a choice! I heard, and I am not sure what direction it came from, leave him!! He ignored that and went and helped the other kids. Not like he saved his life The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, highvaluemanproject.com

29:07 And not, not doing it to look good or to avoid looking bad. Right? It's a choice who are you what do you stand for what's what are you up to in the world What is your commitment to other people What do you want to see for others because when you're clear about that that is character When you're focused on a vision and target and mission, when you've got clear goals it becomes part of your character. Who I am is... And if we take it back for example to the fitness or the relationship If who I am is strong and capable successful happy then fitness just falls into part that. If who I am is lover partner friend trusted gracious generous

29:54 I lift people up. I empower people, I'm committed like if that's who you are then being in a relationship that doesn't work or having a relationship where two of you are regularly arguing because they know not doing this. This is my commitment to you this is what we want invite you to be part of that character People with character stand out it but he isn't energy force within you yes it looks in the moment like your choosing to do something or choosing not to do it but promise you When you're really clear on who you are and why you're doing it, it is character. But then becomes energy which is my final point here for all of us to realize that we're not just going through day-to-day life where your energy goes your life flows. It's if you've read any of Esther and Jerry Hicks or Wayne Dyer now it's the sort of Abraham thread. It's this universal energy force

30:56 When you apply it consciously, because you're applying it all the time whether you like or not. The energy behind your thoughts will take you in that direction. It's like what is an object in motion stays in motion? I think that is a physics law. I forget which one number three of what's his name laws. I shall look up. I should also let you know that physics was definitely not my strong suit but on this basic level if you've ever skied or if you've ever thrown a ball Like it goes in the direction where, when you're skiing the direction you point your body. The direction you adjust your weight towards is where the skis go. It's where momentum picks up and if we want to change direction, you adjust your weight, you adjust which knee you're leading with like that force that you're projecting then turns into the result and from

31:52 Let's call it manifestation, my quantum mechanics point of view. That is what we all have in our hands. What you can see in your mind you can create in your life and the reckless part of this comes from when we see bad things when we see negativity when we see relationships being a struggle when we fear our kids going off the rails or something going wrong or... The shit that comes with that is inevitable And it might not be that your kid ends up going off the rails. I'm not saying it's like that, like cause and effect based but think about it. The level of distrusts, them not telling you everything they're up to the conversations, lies, frustration there is so much about it where your energy was oh I need to keep them safe why? Because you think something bad's gonna happen. Why do you think something bad can happen? Oh because the world's bad

32:51 Like, if who you are is utterly committed to that thought then you are more likely to generate it than their teenagers. Not much different than when we were kids not much different than probably any teenagers through any generation or period of time they were always out there up to mischief pushing boundaries exploring the world and most of them turn out all right so having that faith having that focus The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, highvaluemanproject.com

33:47 What kind of energetic thoughts are you having about the most important things in your life? If you're always worried about money and thinking you don't have enough, what's the impact of thinking that or if you're always worried about the success that you are having disappearing like it won't last. How am I going to protect it? You have to tune into where the energy and focus is directed and where it's coming from Quite often pain in our body, problems emotionally or mentally. They will have underlying concerns that don't come from the moment that you're in right now they come from way back and it's that root thought that is messing everything up so get clear about that like I said where energy goes your life flows where attention goes energy flows at the same version of the same thing

34:42 It is an energy transfer. If you keep thinking something's going to go wrong, something has to go wrong. You can't put all that energy out there and it not be responded. It's not accidental right? And just because you expect things to go well doesn't mean you're naturally going to win the lottery again. Doesn't necessarily work like that. It's not luck where you're up to something where you're interested, where you're creating or your putting yourself around other people, where you're learning, where your listening It's a natural force where every part of who you are and what we've been blessed with as these machines that we live in, get connected and strive to create that outcome. And I don't...and I definitely didn't realize this when I was younger all these things that i've shared with you today have really solidified and become clearer than ever now at this point in my life Who you are what you stand for What your creating What your upto in the world What you want for others is your entire responsibility

35:41 So don't be reckless with it. Don't leave it to chance, don't blame your woes on other people. If you haven't got this all lined up then without doubt, It starts and ends with you only when you've got this nailed as close as possible to what you can because nothing's ever perfect. Can you then start to ask people not blame and point fingers? And this is the way it is because of you want to invite them to do work like this, invite them to get on board Invite them to share your vision and have communication, and joy and fitness. And all the things we're talking about here be like this then let's have a conversation about what's going wrong because the likelihood is it won't be going wrong

36:26 As I said at the start, the best place for you to start this process is by getting your High Value Man score. highvaluemanproject.com forward slash score is going to ask you about 15 questions pretty much yes no or scale of 1-10 questions takes about 2 minutes then in an equal amount of time you get back a personalized response via email We're making some further adjustments to it, which should enable you to actually ask some questions. The AI behind it has been 100% programmed based on the high value man system for living so all the coaching principles and modules and theories I've learned and taken from all these other people over the last 30 years people have been talking about these subjects either from the Stoics through to biblical times through to modern day times

37:19 This is an exciting invitation for you. highvaluemanproject.com forward slash score, you'll get your score be out of a hundred it will show you which areas of your life you are leaking energy and drive and what you can do about putting that back into place if you've got any other questions then by all means just message me hit me up on WhatsApp You can find the details there on all my socials And I really want to invite you to lean in Thanks for tuning in to The Jonnie Jensen Show. Be sure to subscribe, leave a review and share it with fellow dads!

38:13 Creating the life you deserve starts with you. Get your High Value Man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go!