You Feel Like Crap Because You Don't Know Who You Are

00:00 If you don't know who you are, if you don't know where you're headed, you're very likely going to feel crap. Who I am is entrepreneur. Who I am is runner. Who I am is daddy. Who I am is lover. All those things are part of your identity. It's not just one of them. Welcome to the Johnny Jensen Show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches, relationships, and results they deserve. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community at highvalumanproject.com.

00:40 Let's go. Hello, men. Welcome to the Johnny Jensen Show. I am trying something new today as we walk and talk. Today's episode is very much about identity. If you don't know who you are, if you don't know where you're headed, then you're very likely going to feel crap. You're going to head backwards. In fact, you're just going to go around in circles. Can you go around in circles and backwards at the same time? I think you definitely can. If you've been going around in circles for a while, you're definitely going backwards. This episode is part of a new series, Drain to Unstoppable, which is going to run up until the event called Drain to Unstoppable on April the 29th.

01:27 So we're going to be digging into a variety of subjects that are energy suckers, leaks, reasons that men don't feel in control, aren't thriving. I put a list together and I was going to do it as one episode. And thanks to my friend Claude, I've broken up with Chat GPT. I'm dating someone new. And so we put it in, we put it in as an episode. And Claude was like, this isn't an episode. This is a series. Clearly, you can't. So identity. Identity. We will get onto that in a second. All can talks. So another men's coach, James Boardman, he does a lot of these.

02:09 I've been listening to podcasts now for flipping heck. I bet it's 20 years. It's got to be 20 years. And so there used to be a guy I listened to. He used to do, he used to do his podcast on a bike, like riding and talking. I've no idea how he got the microphone to sound okay. Or maybe back then, maybe back then, I didn't really mind. Eight seconds per kilometer. Thank you, watch. Maybe I didn't mind. But anyway, it was pretty good. He might be dead. He could have been hit by a lorry or something. So in an effort to, I think in an effort, to be honest, to have some of my podcasts go back to being a bit more natural, I've been very focused over the last year or so in making episodes that had a clear message.

02:58 But they probably probably has meant that I've been sharing less of what I'm up to and how the experience, you know, how the high value man dad life experience is going. So that's what's going on. If anything we talk about today resonates, if you have an interest, a desire to take control of yourself so that you lead in your life and create the results, create the relationships, create the true riches that you desire, then get yourself over to the highvalue manproject.com forward slash group. That is our free like base camp level of our community.

03:39 Or book a power call. Let's talk. Highvaluemanproject.com/score power call. And you can spend 45 minutes with me. We will break into a challenging area or an area that you want to have a breakthrough in and apply the high value man system for living so you can see what kind of results it would create for you. So identity. You know what we talked with Ben Price last week on the pod about loads of things, but one of the topics inside of that was identity and this real sense that men are looking for something, right? You know, we go and do events, we take on a challenge, kind of hoping to find something about ourselves or even just to give ourselves a reason to get fit, give ourselves some purpose, some drive for a particular period of time.

04:33 But then once the event is over, and I certainly used to do this myself, once the event is over, that thing, for me, it was fitness, that thing that I'd been really focused on suddenly went out the window. So the lesson there is, is that my identity wasn't associated with being fit and being strong, being, you know, being able to work better, being able to make more money because I was more. effective in work because I was fit. That wasn't attached to an identity at all. It was just attached to the event. And that's never enough. And that's what happens to so many men when they're looking for motivation, when they're talking about why are things the way they are.

05:15 It's because fundamentally, underneath the thing that you're doing, there's no strong sense of direct, strong sense of purpose. And when you know, you've heard me say this loads of times on a podcast. When I ask men what they want, they invariably give me a list of things, what they don't want, things that they're fed up with, things that are, in their mind, a drain. They're less than the experience they want, but they're very individual. It'll be things, oh, money, oh, my relationship, our sex life is terrible, I'm bored. And these aren't men that are necessarily struggling in life.

05:55 These are going to be highly successful men who are focused on one area and having it work, but then to the detriment of all other areas. And that in itself is a question about identity. You know, if you think your identity is about success and business and you're winning in that area, but failing in other areas, then it's easy to argue the case that actually you're not tuned into your identity. You're tuned into make business a success. So your everything becomes make the business a success.

06:33 But that's not fulfilling. That's not the whole picture. You know, as men, when we start a business or when we venture out, if we're very career-minded, we have some kind of picture about who we are and what we want. You know, you wouldn't do it otherwise. Certainly that kind of guy. Speed up past this guy talking very loud. We don't think about this enough. We haven't got that clear picture of who we are and what we're creating. So when it becomes very singular and we go after it, quite a lot of men will achieve it. But like I just said, without the sense of purpose or fulfillment, it becomes a stress and a drain.

07:15 So really ask yourself, it's a simple, the simple test. Who am I? What do I want? It's not that you can't come up with it. It's just the ability to come up with it in a beautiful way, a way that gives you goosebumps, a way that is the whole picture. You know, you might be able to talk eloquently and passionately about the business side of things, but if you can't do the same about your family, your children, your home, your friends, that's the type of fun you like to have. Classic one when I say to people, oh, what do you do for fun? What do you like? What do you like doing?

07:54 What are your hobbies? What are your interests? I don't know. Watching the kids play football, spending time with the family. Some people say, watching Netflix. And you just go, watching Netflix, watching TV. I mean, it's nice to sit and chill and relax a bit, but you can't put down watching TV or Netflix as a hobby or interest. So it's about the full picture. Identity. And the real test of your identity is when you're in a state of crisis, when something is wrong.

08:36 And I know for myself that I made when I got married, when I finally had the family that I wanted, I made my identity family. I made my identity, I'm married, I'm dad, daddy. So when the marriage started to struggle, everything fell apart because my identity was so wrapped up in that one area that if I wasn't, if that wasn't working, then nothing was working. And you see in that example, how everything comes crashing down. If your identity is wrapped up in business and the business starts to fail, then everything comes crashing down.

09:18 And worse, when we're in that situation, is when we start to pick up a bit of a distraction tactic to avoid thinking about that area that is now a struggle. We pick up a distraction in order to numb the pain. You know, the usual eating crap, drinking too much, porn, gambling, drugs, all the fun stuff, right? But when it's used as a distraction, you're actually moving further away from your identity. You can't, you're not willing to confront the subject because you don't have an answer.

09:55 because you're looking in the wrong area. If you're trying to fix the one thing, no, you come back to the base, look at your identity, and then start to work on resolving that from a position of strength, from the position of you not being on your knees, not being utterly devoid of energy and passion, but from a place of, I've got this. I know who I am, I know where I'm headed. This current challenge is just a blip. I can see beyond it because my vision is bigger than this. I can have some fresh ideas. I can talk to some different people. Who I am is

10:36 entrepreneur. Who I am is runner. Who I am is daddy. Who I am is lover. Like all those things are part of your identity. It's not just one of them. So I would hope in this subject, in today's episode, you'll be in two places. One, you'll just be nodding and agreeing with me and like, oh, I've got this covered. This is my identity. This is who I am. Or you'll be listening to it and going, man, that's me. That's, I don't know. Or I used to know and now I don't, which is also very normal because we have chapters of our lives.

11:15 When we're younger, it's quite easy to have that vision and be motivated and be inspired by who we are and what we're up to. But then life takes over and different responsibilities kick into play. Our attention is drawn onto the things that we believe are more important than us. But ultimately, nothing's more important than us because it's from you that all other success and results come from. Go down the faith and religion part about that and say, oh no, well, it comes from God. I challenge that. God gives you these skills. God gives you these visions. God gives you these people in your life. It's then down to you to harness it and turn it into something. So if your identity, even in this respect, if your identity is, oh, it's God, it's like

12:02 passion, excitement, energy about who you are and what you're up to. And then everything else comes from that. Everything else is aligned with that identity. Try it out. If you think you want to lose weight, try going to the gym. Try adjusting your diet from the basis of I'm fat and need to lose weight. Or pick the identity, I'm runner, I'm attractive, I'm fun-loving, I'm granddad, as in I'm going to live long enough to play with my grandchildren. That's the kind of identity that drives you forward. That's the kind of identity that has you willingly pick up new habits, make better choices, be committed to the identity you're working towards.

12:49 So this is one element. This is one aspect of the high-value man system for living. Drained to unstoppable is a 90-minute workshop with QA at the end. Basically, it's live and interactive. It's a small group. First 25 tickets are on or on early bird. It's going to happen on Zoom on the 29th of April. Go to highvalue manproject.com forward slash unstoppable. Get yourself on there. If you pay up, you are able to bring a friend for free. So grab that opportunity. It's kind of snuck in down the bottom, but I want that.

13:27 I want to be able to gift that to someone to share the experience with. So if you know that the results you want are seemingly harder than they should be, if the relationships you want are feeling more stretched and detached than they should be, if you're waking up feeling like, I know I'm doing good here, but it's not happening over there, then that's drained to unstoppable. And in terms of today's podcast, there's a definite chance that's your identity. Please share this. Give us a review. Let me know what you think. If you think it's crap, send me a DM. If you love it, then go and give me a review. Share it with other men in your life and get yourself into the high value man project.

14:13 We're creating the results for midlife dads to thrive. Predominantly business owned and career-minded dads. That doesn't exclude everybody else, but that's because they're the kind of guys that want to make stuff happen. If that's you, I'd love to see you in our group and at our events with everyone else. Let's go. Thanks for tuning in to the Johnny Jensen show. Be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with fellow dads. Creating the life you deserve starts with you. Get your high-value man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvalumanproject.com. Let's go. go.