Why Young Men Are Struggling (And What Actually Fixes It)

00:00 If you look externally, we have it better than probably any time throughout history. Like comfort wise we have so much opportunity But the problem is that we are also more easily distracted than ever. And I think a lot of men fall into these traps of literally frying their dopamine systems by just cheap pleasure and video games, watching Netflix...and so there's no motivation anymore? There's this drive just disappears if you fry your dopamine systems with these modern things that distract you all the time Welcome to The Jonnie Jensen Show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches relationships and results they deserve. Get your High Value Man blueprint and join our community at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go!

00:55 I'm joined by Igor Wallaert who works with men much younger than me in their journey, which is why i wanted to have Igor on. Igor is a coach he's from Belgium and well I'll let Igor tell you about his journey into being a coach for young men good to have you today Igor! Hey Jonnie it's great to be here thank you for having me so yeah how did I become a coach? Like 10 years ago, there was like this breaking point for me when I was still very young. Right? Like I was only 23 back then and I'm 33 years old now in which I realized that my own health was not good at all and I figured out like wait this is not how I am supposed to be living

01:45 And it kind of shocked me as well, right? Because like you're 23. You've always felt kind of great because when people are young they can do whatever they want until you reach this kind of breaking point and that sent me down like a massive rabbit hole with everything health related both physically and mentally after that I was passionate about that for 10 years now then I got my certificate as a GAPS coach which is something nutrition related that most people don't know about, but I can talk about that if you want. And I'm also a personal coach certified and now recently I created a program to help young men, young single men struggling with like sense of hopelessness, to really give them the tools to learn how to thrive

02:36 Awesome. Yeah, and that's the magic of you being on here today talking because in The High Value Man Project it is mainly midlife dads right? So there are kids involved, there are relationship struggles and what we're going to do next in life kind of thing. And you were like at the beginning part of that process like what are we actually going to do in life? Who am I gonna end up with? But I talk a lot about what's wrong with men today right? And I have this teenage son I have a teenage daughter, so I have the experience of seeing him as a teenager and the experience of her interacting with teenage lads. So this reality for me is what's going on for young men and as a person who has hired people like recruiting young people or being in the workplace with younger men and just noticing what I see is a difference compared to what my mates were like when we were

03:33 In our twenties, or even when I was in my teens and forties and hiring younger men. There seems to be a massive difference today so we're going to dig into that and just like show this is it different? Or is it the same because if you get down to the shitty end of the stick depression addiction homelessness suicide like literally affects man across across the board right And I see, you've used the word already. I see a lot of hopelessness in young men and of course there's the whole...I hate using his full name. I prefer just to say A.T., because one of the things about him isn't that...I'm not even that fussed right? What annoys me is how much attention the media gives him. Right! And i did a comparison the other week about The Sex Pistols

04:29 People talk about the Sex Pistols, everyone knows the Sex Pistols. Sex Pistol's like punk band like influential you know generational impact yeah they sold about two million albums tiny really in the grand scheme of things. You got pick one hit wonders who sold more albums than that and like Rick Astley I don't know who... Everyone's heard of that right? He sold way This guy, he gets a lot more attention in the media. Like then media talks about him and everyone goes on and searches him saying oh he's been searched for more than any other person! No you lot talk about him and everyone goes off and looks for him there are way better influencers on Instagram and YouTube people that are doing speaking good things about masculinity and bizarrely some of the stuff that he says has some sense in it

05:21 You know, men being lost and men needing to rediscover what masculinity means for them. So really good! Really good to unpack all that so like let's just start with I don't know where do you see the state of younger men? Young single men Yeah, so I think what you brought up here is a really good point. Like with AT, can I say the name? Andrew Tate. I think everyone knows who we're talking about and this is one of the issues it's not like THE issue but it's like a lack of positive role models for young men that do feel this sense of hopelessness they want to latch on something

06:05 And Andrew Tait is like, yeah the solution. Right? Because he did... Like you said he does bring up a lot of valid points He brings up a lot of valid problems and men can relate to that especially young man these days But I think we both agree on the fact that the solution he brings is not always The correct solution like it is in some ways Like you have to work on yourself etc but It gets toxic quite fast and its kind of like For me personally, it feels like kind of a caricature. Sorry if that's spelled correctly. Do you know what I mean? I think so. You took like a slice. It's like a little slice. Yeah yeah yeah. It's not what men are supposed to be.

06:54 A caricature. Oh yes, caricatures! English is not my main language but... No that's fine like an exaggerated extreme not really real version yeah Yeah exactly Yeah, it is. And the other thing that people don't realize is he's actually a businessman. He sells training products that young guys are drawn to how to make money online and how to be attractive, how to have adventure like so more people talk about him the more young guys go and buy his stuff Yeah, it's a whole coaching. It's not like they pray to the flipping altar of him. They get to be part of a community of other motivated young men trying to make something for themselves in the world

07:44 Yeah, and it's crazy how fast... How big he got so fast. Like you talk about like how much media attention this really got and I do understand why because like I said men really need to… They're looking for something right? They're looking for this role model or this thing to cling on to that gives them this hope of a better outcome for their life And what, when you say they're looking for hope. Like why don't they have hope? I've got my idea on this but why don't they have hope? What's going on for them that they're reaching like their 20s which should be like yeah let's go and have... Let's go! Let's like go on an adventure like let's just enjoy life. Like why are they feeling hopeless

08:29 Well, it's just an internal thing. Because if you look externally we have it better than probably any time throughout history like comfort wise we have so much opportunity but the problem is that we are also easily distracted more easily distracted than ever and I think a lot of men fall into these traps of literally frying their dopamine systems by just cheap The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Igor Wallaert,

09:12 Modern things that distract you all the time. Do you agree with that? Oh yeah, a hundred percent so you're talking about mobile phones, you're talking about and not just the mobile phone but actually what's going on on the mobile phone. I'm gaming, spending hours playing Xbox or PlayStation it's not that they are intrinsically bad and this is the thing that people need to get their head around They're actually quite cool. Like, if you said to me as a young kid would you like to play this game? I'd be like yeah it's awesome! Are you kidding me?! Of course i would yeah oh would you like to watch this guy fall off his bike and smack his head on the pavement? Yeah that's funny I'm gonna definitely watch that

09:52 But what we don't talk about enough is what's going on with the body chemistry there, that we're getting these little hits of pleasure off this device in our hand. Which can also be lead to other things which can also be porn and gambling and just like it's body chemistry so when I'm doing the talk here for you but yeah, I get it like... And these generation that we're talking about for you Gen Z right? They've grown up with this, so they've had their dopamine tanked. Since they were, you know 13. And what's going on with the kids now and interesting that Australia have banned it right is that you're seeing people push their babies around in buggies with iPads in their hand instead of actually talking to them about Oh look at that bird or look at the leaves or let's talk about Peppa Pig. So this body chemistry subject is something

10:52 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Yeah, porn is a really big one. Right? Because that's basically like the biggest reward system we have as men like sex with women and then you just get that for free easily. Yeah, that's gotta be bad right? Well it's really interesting to dig into the subject of porn because I'm 51 right so

11:40 Porn, when we grew up you had to go into a shop and reach up off the top shelf and see if the guy in the shop was selling it to you because you weren't old enough or who is the biggest kid in the group. But there was a degree there of magazine porn that is imaginist, as this imagination going on there. There's like when you get into sort of the body, the neuroscience of it and the chemical reward centers like curiously this how I see it Magazine porn, there's still a lot of creative energy that goes into looking at it. Not video. It's like reading the difference between watching something online or reading a book right? Yeah and going to play like the different experiences having it watching it, reading it yeah totally so...

12:31 It's just so easily available to everyone, right? Because I remember when like...I don't exactly remember when I started watching porn back in the day. Like if I haven't watched porn for...I don't even remember how long ago I quit but yeah, I started watching very early and I think as you mentioned like a lot of people from my generation and the younger generation even because I'm a millennial it's like Generation Z it's so easy for them to just access all this stuff And what does, you know when you're talking to young men about this subject of responsibility like realizing that the problem and the hopelessness isn't necessarily external. It starts from inside you? What's their view on it? Well it's a lot of denial at first right and a lot of victim mindset thinking

13:24 So like a large part of my program actually is like getting out of those victim mindsets because even if you have the best solution, if you operate through victim mindsets nothing's gonna work. Because you always find an excuse to not do the work, to tell yourself that you don't need to do this or that it's just not worth it. Right? Because this and that external-external... And if you get rid of victim mindsets, it gives you back the power. It gives power back internally so I think that's a very important one and one that I focus really hard on. Yeah. Is there a sense there about like the whole time it takes to get over like time effort versus reward

14:07 So sitting on your ass and playing Xbox or Fortnite, FIFA or Fortnite for half an hour is rewarding. Going for a run if you're unfit not that rewarding going for a run three times a week for six months then you get the reward but they're so detached from effort to outcome Yeah, because they're so used to the instant reward. And that's kind of the reward paradox in life. Everything you do that is easy now will make your life harder in the future and everything that you do now that is hard will make your life easier but their brain is just... I can totally relate to this because it was exactly the same right? Your brain is just so wired to this easy-now that at the start it is very hard to get out

14:55 Yeah, it's definitely good to have like some help from communities whatever. Like resources online to get you started. Yeah and what's the pain that these guys are experiencing? What's sort of like this secret upset inside them? It's really just this hopelessness and not even seeing why they should be doing the work in the first place. And that's like the hardest thing because once you get over that tipping point, it only gets easier from there right? But actually getting started and finding like that tiny bit of motivation you have left to get out of that hole I think yeah it's just like the hopelessness and them not really seeing why they should be doing this. Yeah

15:42 So do you, I mean obviously we've talked before and looked at some of your stuff. When you start working with a guy, you look more the body type of stuff? You get them into action right before you start to talk about their mind. Tell us tell us a little bit about that Yeah, because I think and this was also for me personally from my experience. The physical and mental they are kind of inseparable right? Because it creates like a massive feedback loop if your physical is all out of whack you're automatically going to feel a lot worse mentally but then at the same time obviously if you have really toxic mindsets your fixed physical will also be in bad shape but I think its easier to start with the physical

16:26 And as a GAPS coach, which means like gut and psychology syndrome by the way. It's like the connection between your brain and your gut I know better than anyone else that if you're got is just in shambles because you Feed yourself a bunch of toxic stuff all the time, you are going to feel depressed. You are not going to feel as thriving as you should be thriving because as you talked about like it's just chemicals inside your body and they will make you feel bad even though there is nothing to feel bad about right? Well yeah because our body is geared towards producing good chemicals for us. Yeah right Adrenaline, Cortisol like bad if you have too much of it for too long

17:09 Good in terms of an adventure and a burst of it because the feeling afterwards is so rewarding. And those feel good chemicals afterwards, dopamine serotonin like they're where motivation comes from there were a sense of belonging comes from you know endorphins and from fitness and exercise and oxytocin from love and connection. It's obvious when you talk about it but when those relationships have all been Digital and it's good now that video, you know like my kids when they're in where they call it I'm on call. Leave me alone! I'm on call and they've got then about six or seven of them on screen so there's a degree of it like that people say oh kids don't talk anymore My kids talk all the time

17:54 And so I'm happy and proud that my kids are so connected with their friends. But, I guess the other version of that is when people end up isolated and not many friends but listen, I've sort gone off track a little bit there this going back to the gut health The connection between our gut and mind There's a degree of awareness for young people around what they put in their body and healthy living I see that on the one hand you've got young people that drink less, exercise more but then the flip side of that is they don't know how to cook. Food can be delivered to you in flipping five minutes...I just don't do it! Everyone who gets their food delivered by one of those bikes is cold surely? They charge you five quid or five bucks to have it delivered what's going on with young people there this whole kind

18:48 Like they're really healthy, but also they don't know how to cook or feed themselves properly. What's in terms of your gap skills? What do you see about that? Yeah, well the first thing is like cooking. A lot of meals are really easy to cook and I think people make it out way harder than it should be. I'm personally someone that everything I cook is really simple because I don't really mind. Like I enjoy this stuff and I teach people how to enjoy this stuff by the way because most people do not have time to cook these amazing meals every day right? Let's be honest!

19:25 So yeah, that's a really big one. Like that they make it out harder than it is and just teach them like certain some principles, some easy principles to use to cook all their meals that will make them way healthier and fix the vast majority of their gut issues basically. That's like the core for what I do We're building up the basics here of like putting these young men back together, right? But there's value here for men of all ages. Okay so eating right It sounds like it's bloody obvious, but there is a body chemistry element that goes into eating right as well. Yeah? Yeah because the dopamine and serotonin etc., all of this stuff gets created in the gut for large part. All the signals in your body are just completely out of whack if your gut is out of whack because

20:23 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Igor Wallaert, Cooking those easy meals, just real food. Single ingredient foods doesn't have to be fancy is one of the first steps and a lot of this stuff you can have like very easy meals that make it taste good

21:00 Like no more McDonald's burgers every day, et cetera. Although it's so simple to do right? Cooking some eggs is just as simple. It takes just as much time as you driving to McDonald's or whatever, even yeah...it takes no time at all. So that's definitely one of the first things people should be focusing on. Yeah well I grew up cooking, my mom died when I was nine and And to whatever degree that played a part in my dad cooking more at the house, we were always involved. My other family like my aunt who's now my mum figure like food has always been a big part of our family when I went to university and see people eating pot noodles and stuff but I know I've never even eaten one of those in my whole life for you like let's just make us let's just make a casserole is making shepherds pie and then we'd have like 10-15 people in our

21:49 In our room, in our apartment thing. Can we come up here and eat? Have you at least tried it now though? I have it! It gives me heartburn. I can go to a Thai place and eat noodles of course but those instant noodle things they just don't work with my guts. And we're not talking about... You can't drink beer, you can't party are we? We're not saying that. It depends on the person, right? Like with all addictions it's best to just have like a period where you just go clean. I know but this is the difference between us lot and you lot like we flipping partied hard! You know? We were raving like 1990...I've got be honest till about 2005

22:44 Raving, clubbing taking pills smoking weed drinking beer drinking vodka like and as I've just said for me as it was. I was cooking i was always fit i played rugby i ran i entered triathlons but just the idea of work hard play hard was just well yeah that's and we were squeezing I'm And if you're interested in learning more about the Jonnie Jensen Show, check out his podcast.

24:02 And if you're not familiar with the podcast, I'm sure you've heard of it. It's a podcast where we talk about how to get started on your own and what are some of the things that you can do to help you get started? So let me start by saying that I am a big fan of Jonnie Jensen. I have been listening to her for years now and I think she is one of my favorite artists in the world. And I think it goes back to the dopamine again. If your dopamine systems are so fried, it's hard to really enjoy anything because you're always looking for that bigger hit and no normal things like working out or just talking to some friends gives you enough dopamine to have this feeling of reward. Do you agree with that? Well yeah and when I relate that back to what we were up too

24:58 Going to a club, going to a rave. Even just going into a house party that was like you couldn't get to flipping make everybody move so you could open the front door and let some more people in, you know? Like the carnage that... So there was that dopamine, that like, oh we are pop... We are flippin' crazy! We would just make things would be an adventure Just the very art act of all being somewhere or jumping in a car and driving four hours, five hours to go to a party in a field. Or to go to a club that was blowing up like... I think that the excitement of that let alone meeting new people and chit-chatting Of course there was no fear either that someone was going to take your picture And boom! Send it around the world

25:48 I've talked to a number of other people obviously and there's this fear that young people have that they're going to be outed, that they're gonna get roasted. Somehow there is an ever-present danger if they step out of line Right. Yeah, well first of all I think a lot of the adventure now is like on the just on the screen right? Like it's in the video game and it gives you kind of... It's the same dopamine but it always leaves you with this emptiness because it's not real right and deep down inside you know it's not real so like going to the rave doing this crazy stuff it still feels a lot better because you're actually living but people don't And

26:45 That game of Fortnite last night was incredible. Do you know what I mean? But in the moment, you're getting the dopamine but there's not the long tail... There's not the long tail of memory, the connection, the experience, the drive to go and so on but the drive to go and do it again is still there. This is where gaming and porn and gambling has messed. They've kind of like got the dopamine flipping hack And I'm like, to be honest, I'm usually not a fan of like government banning all sorts of stuff. But like, I definitely see the value in

27:41 And I'm going to start with the first one, which is a bit of an interesting question. And it's about discipline and how people are able to be disciplined in this because people... It does appear that most, a lot of people don't have like the, not sure if discipline is the right word but like they don't have the discipline to not give their kids the iPad or just take the easy way and let them watch TV the entire day while they're doing whatever they're doing. In the past, people didn't have that option. Right? All this stuff like phone or an iPad. She rarely watches TV and I think a large part is that we as parents of my generation and younger, we kind of screw it up ourselves because we take the easy route because I haven't done this now and her baseline if she can choose she would rather not watch TV and she would want to do something real like one two...she wants paint or play or whatever but I think once you get them into this

28:38 So, if you're going to be a good listener and you want to make sure that people are listening to your podcast, then you need to have the right content. And I think it's important for us as listeners to understand that we can't just sit here and listen to all of these great podcasts. We've got to get our heads around them and figure out how best to do this. And if you're not a fan of the show, then I highly recommend it.

29:33 I think everyone knows about Coco Mellon that has a toddler from my age. And it's crazy, right? Every second there is like a new screen and a new flash of colors and constant sounds and it just bombards your brain with these rewards And it's crazy. It's like crack for toddlers, I call it! Yeah so they're abusing as well? These creators are abusing it as well...it is twisted. Yeah okay. It gets them hooked so young and then like we've talked about you just fall into this trap and it's so hard to get out on your own if it's all you've ever known right? Like the easy reward. So putting in this

30:19 Episode together, right? We're now... that piece about adventure and challenges going out and finding fun. Is it is that part of what young people should do more of you if you were putting a person back together in your coaching, you talking about their habits are talking about what they eat. And we're now talking about like fun and adventure connection with others. Right. Is that something that you speak into is it's something that they struggle with Yeah, and I think if you start with the basics like getting the gut health right, detoxing from the dopamine overdrive then this drive to do these things

30:57 And we're going to talk about the podcast, Jonnie Jensen and Igor Wallaert. So let's get started with today's podcast. And if that improves, then I see like in a lot of young men they start looking for this adventure. A lot more day they start thinking like oh, I want to do this or but yeah if you don't have even the basic chemistry and your body as we've been talking about this entire episode it's just so hard to get out of this and start doing these things but I think it's very important as you mentioned because it's the real world It's just real all the other stuff is fake

31:52 And you don't want to like live your entire life having lived just true screen. Yeah, yeah and people are increasingly talking about Tostone replacement therapy and young men are talking about it as well. 20 years old sometimes it's crazy! It's insane. Just to re- probably you've mentioned some of these things already, but what are the natural building blocks of testosterone? So one of the things that they have been making us very fearful of for the last few decades is like cholesterol. For example, but cholesterol is the biggest building block of testosterone and it's one of the things I've learned through like The Gaps

32:31 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Igor Wallaert, And It's just very micronutrient deficient in general, like no minerals, no vitamins. And a lot of people lack those and that's also one of the reasons why a lot of people are overweight because they're constantly hungry their body is craving these micronutrients but they always satiate it for just short term by having calories with no micronutrients so that's also a very big thing

33:32 They eat something junky which makes them feel full up for a little bit but it doesn't sustain them until what will be the next natural meal. So where does someone find some of those micronutrients? What should people be eating? Sorry, by the way I totally learned that about the whole no fat thing Like, we I think it was Marcus Aubrey. He's got a good book and he talks about like don't pick the no fat option you idiot! Yeah yeah. And also like margarine. Margarines all those spreads are disgusting just butter some butter. It's not like eating like a spoonful of it. Throw it all out. All this modern processed stuff that is so easy and convenient than that we just kind of learn because my parents

34:13 And The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Igor Wallaert,

34:52 And of course, the podcast is brought to you by the viewers of The Jonnie Jensen Show. So meat, dairy? Yes. Eggs, meat, dairy... As fat as you can get like people are so afraid of eating fat but you can't have enough fat and it will also make you feel satiated. People who are overweight for example I always tell them just eat less processed carbs, eat more fat but its so hard for them because they've been conditioned for so long

35:50 And if you're watching this, I want to thank all of our listeners for your support. So, Jonnie Jensen is a And you know what? My boy, he watches YouTube a lot. A different like good stuff. Thankfully some good stuff. He can cook an amazing steak now because he watches this American guy talk about cooking good steaks

36:55 That's a flipping, just one of the magic things about good content online. Okay look I'm conscious about moving into these different sections okay so now we're hopefully eating a bit right? Is there any other macro nutrients you want to add to that list before we move on to the next bit? Well protein is obviously very important. Just protein and fat. Well just meat The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Igor Wallaert, That's fine, but the thing is you don't really need them. Like I tell people if it's easier for you to start like this that's no problem but you don't need this stuff in the long run. If you eat the meat, if you eat the real food, you get more than enough protein even if you go to the gym which also recommend to everyone or at least do some sport that makes

37:57 Get your blood going, right? No. What I say is sweating your tits off and blowing out your arse. Sweating your tits... That's a good one! And you can do that in 10 minutes or you can do it in an hour. That sounds very British! Yeah, okay yeah I want to see you sweating your tits off and blowing out your arse. Just for the... To help you qualify this is it like 1.2 grams of protein per one kilogram of weight? Is that an accurate thing that you hear about? That's fine like I said I don't focus on all this You need to count your macros, your calories. You need to track all this stuff. If you actually enjoy doing that, that's fine like it's not a bad thing to do but if you just adhere to the very easy principles like eating real food get it from a high quality source...if you can don't stress too much about it just get whatever the best thing is for you like your budget or your situation

38:59 and The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Igor Wallaert, Igor Wallaert, And then lunch, is it a bit of meat with a sweet potato next to it and like you know and some butter again on it. Like now we're getting into what? And some nuts on the side like not salted peanuts, like some actual almonds or some walnuts, some decent nuts. And then you get into dinner as well and sort of start talking about, you know again cooking fresh and eating right. Okay good! So relationships

39:59 Young men and relationships. What's some of the stresses and strains around that? I see young men, my boy at school they're constantly being told you can't do this and you can't touch women... And then we've got to look out for LGBTQ and there is actually still a large percentage of just straight The Jonnie Jensen Show,

40:39 And I think there's quite a lot of associated risk with and trouble with picking the wrong one or getting mucked about, or it being put on social media if it doesn't go well. What do you see as some of the concerns and constraints that young men are feeling and experiencing about relationships? Yeah, I agree with the things you said here. Like for a lot of the men that are feeling kind of hopeless they have kind of checked out from like the dating markets because like they tell themselves... Because all this stuff online right? They rarely even interact with real women anymore so what they think a woman is just some

41:19 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Igor Wallaert, And of course, the podcast is brought to you by the wonderful people at The Jonnie Jensen Show.

41:56 They want one, but they don't know how to get one. A lot of this stuff just goes back to the social media and like the online because if you go outside now at a bus stop... If I pass by a bus stop for example all the kids they're just on their phone instead of talking so They just kind of disenfranchised from each other. And all they really know is just this online world where everything is like put to the extremes, just for sensationalism and views and clicks. Do you think they have... I always struggle with chatting up girls right? I've had lots of female mates, lots of girl friends. It goes back to my mum dying and stuff like sort of emotional stuff around that now I've discovered and worked it all out but

42:45 Do young men feel that they're able to walk up to a woman and strike up a conversation or is there a fear about that they're going to get called a predator, or something like that? I think there's definitely this fear. But there's also just most man lack of confidence in the first place to do something that is perceived as risky for them because like in our brains although talking to a woman isn't risky And I'm going to start with you, Jonnie.

43:42 Younger women, not necessarily that they're aware of this but calling the shots quite a lot. And this again is a caricature of what previously existed when in terms of dating and initiating a relationship women do call the shot because if she doesn't say yes to the guy or she doesn't agree to go out with him... The guy's just left still like oh nobody wants me right so then in that part of it they get to call the shots but In terms of the experience of mankind, men get to call the shots when creating long-term security. Like will you marry me? Shall we create a family like... and again if

44:28 The But in this early stage thing, girls now can basically say yes no they can pick you up drop you down and then because there's this female empowerment which rightly so I have no problems with women having an equal say or an equal voice in any part of life or the world.

45:04 But social media and you know, if there's an accidental version of this more broadly rather than one individual. Women are now very empowered they look amazing from such a young age and they do get to The Three or four people, that was like a successful night out. Do you know what I mean? Or go to a club when you were 18-19. It wasn't that you needed to have sex it wasn't that you were looking for long term partner You were just having a good time So there was degree of fun and connection and sexual energy without it being sex

46:03 And what I see is now that this now becomes so conditioned and there's so much risk with social media, and also dating apps are just a mess for relationships. In particular men's attitudes to how you find people Yeah, I think the dating apps definitely don't make the situation any better because it's definitely like better for women to be on that just due to how the dynamics work between trying to find a mate. But yeah, like I think what you mentioned still happens. People still go out, but I think it's a lot less. Like what you mentioned getting with the girls... ...I did those things when I was like 15 to 20 whatever as well that was still going on and I think it's still going on now but it's probably a lot less due to how much everything is online now as I've already mentioned. Yeah, the risk! It's interesting. And what

47:01 There's a book that I, you know... In terms of men's coaching there is a book that everybody sort of shares. It's just Dr Robert Glover's No More Mr Nice Guy. Have you heard of that book? I've heard of it but I haven't read it. Igor! You must read this book every man must read this book. There are lots of books obviously right but it's about this nice guy mentality of men thinking if I do enough, If I'm nice enough, if I look after enough, if I am patient enough then I'll get what I want As in, she'll love me. She'd have sex with me. We'll have a good time like life will be good. So you just go around being as nice as you possibly can in your relationship and then she's like well this is boring yeah You've allowed the balance in the relationship to shift whether she thinks he's walking all over you or not you're letting her walk all over you and I see in you know assholes don't come ask

47:58 Don't come and work, want to work with me like bad guys. They don't want to find out how to be a high value man. They don't really care about how their relationships are going or how the world sees them right? But men that do care about that wanna have a happy family wanna be successful at both home and work they're saying to me what's going on How can I fix this? How can we...how can I create this life that I thought I was working towards And No More Mr Nice Guy is a real foundational piece in that There has to be a masculine energy, however the individual defines their own masculinity. But you have to own your masculinity it's not about Andrew Tate masculinity but it is about masculinity every man should have his own version of his masculinity so that he can show up and be like yeah

48:44 I'm fucking Jonnie Jensen, or yeah, I'm fucking Igor Wallaert. You know what I mean? Like you can't be at the back of the room going why don't we know who I am? Yeah, and I think the most important word you mentioned there is like balance right and i think that gets lost a lot in today's world and I also kind of fell into that trap personally because I was kind of a nice guy, like most guys start out like that. And then you find out that yeah that's not gonna work so then you go to the other extreme and well... You get some success with that but long term it doesn't work as well So i think with everything in life just finding that balance is really important But its hard in these social media times because

49:34 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Igor Wallaert, But that's just one of the extremes again. So yeah, you need to find that balance but I think it's hard to find like these balanced resources at least for me it doesn't appear like there is a lot of this stuff out there and then I think again its just because it's not as sensational as one of the extremes. Yeah absolutely so what do you tell the young men you work with about relationships and intimacy?

50:13 So I don't, personally don't go deep into relationships because it's mostly about like physical and mental health. I think a lot of that stuff follows if you fix your internal mindsets. Like if you actually source your happiness and your drive from within... ...and you stop looking for all the external stuff to give you that happiness or sense of fulfillment or whatever You automatically attract better relationships. Yeah, that's what I believe. Yeah a hundred percent. I'm totally with that. Okay so... Bringing this full circle, right? Because we've talked pretty much started about hopelessness. Then we talked about health and fitness then we talked about gut and eating and nutrition. We've had an element in here across the board of the body and the chemicals that go into this bringing relationship into it is also about our connection with others but there's oxytocin that comes along with that again to talk about another body chemical there

51:11 Where are young men finding their drive and excitement for life? This is perhaps like what, just in my mind as I picture this episode there's now like this piece here which is okay right. So where do I go out and find the drive and excitement for life that some of the guys are missing? And like, you mean where do I find this in a sense of like an external place or? I think both. Yeah. You start working with these guys who are experiencing hopelessness right and hopefully at the end of it they're ready to go out and swap that for the excitement and joy in life. Tell me both from an internal and external point of view where do you like to see men headed towards?

51:52 So yeah, like I said everything starts from the internal right. But I do think community is a very important thing that a lot of people... The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Igor Wallaert, You may go approach that girl that you see on the street and just talk to her, right? But if you're just stuck in this dopamine hole low testosterone, low drive. You're never going to do any of these things. So I personally think there's no specific external place where you can start like living this life it just starts from within and then you will find your way. You will find these things your outcomes will get better And what are some

52:54 I don't know if you think about some of your clients and stuff, what are some of the breakthroughs that you've seen with guys that you've worked with? So mostly it's like men that are very stuck in the online world. And a lot of the breakthroughs are they actually start really enjoying doing this stuff like going to the gym. They started enjoying conversations They tell me like, I had this conversation with this person today. Which is very basic simple stuff right? But for them it's really a big difference because they didn't have any of this stuff before because even they didn't even have the motivation to do the most basic stuff because everything was already

53:34 Given to them through their screens. Yeah, that's it's mostly like people that are just stuck in the online world that I get. I'm not sure if that's for all the men that feel hopeless but that's mostly what I'm seeing and so a lot of the breakthroughs really is just getting back to that basic stuff that you talk about like going to a party or whatever or just going out with your friends doing something real go picking up that new hobby. Beautiful yeah absolutely awesome! Tell me and tell the listeners basically, the kind of men you work with where they can find you? And really just to remind them what it is you can do for them. Yeah so I work with young single men that

54:17 I'm going to start with the first question. And you can just find me on my website, which is igorwallaertcoach.com I have an Instagram which is just Igor Wallaert but it's probably going to be hard to...I'll just put a link or whatever It's Igor and then Wallaert W-A-L-L-A

55:06 E-R-T. Yeah, exactly! There you go we'll put it in the show notes anyway. Igor great to connect I really appreciate your time today. I'll hit the goodbye and see on the other side so hold tight cheers again. I had an amazing time Jonnie thank you very much for having me You're welcome Thanks for tuning into The Jonnie Jensen Show be sure to subscribe leave a review and share it with fellow dads Creating the life you deserve starts with you. Get your High Value Man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go!