Stop Going It Alone - Lone Wolf Will Take You Down

00:00 Ever feel like you're holding it all together on your own? Like if you stop for even a second everything's going to fall apart. Your business, your marriage or sanity... Well that is the Lone Wolf Syndrome! It is a fast track to struggle and burnout but you're not alone in that space too many men still do this. It is the lone wolf trap and I know because it nearly broke me In 2015, after a lot of personal and family challenges my brother took his own life. Two weeks later my marriage fell apart at the time I was running the business raising two kids to help you know looking after my wife trying to pretend everything was fine but it wasn't

00:41 The day you search Google for am I burnt out, let me tell you the answer is definitely yes. I was trying to get through it all on my own smiling on the outside but burnt out in the end because that's what strong men do now 10 years later i run the high value man project coaching over a hundred men and during that time helping dads go from burnt-out and bitter to clear connected and alive again Just this week I coached a client, dad business owning dad through the exact same Lone Wolf pattern and the breakthrough was immediate once he got out of his own head into action and most importantly put in more people around him involving other people being vulnerable.

01:21 The truth is that no man wins this game solo. The Lone Wolf has been put upon us by movies and fairy tales, it kills trust, it kills vulnerability and it robs you of the love and support of those around you. That's why this episode is so important! It's a theme that comes back round inside today I'm going to give you five practical tools to reset your mindset reclaim your energy and build real support around you And I'll show you exactly how to set your path inside the 3XE formula, which makes this simple if you're brave enough to use it. Roll theme! Welcome to The Jonnie Jensen Show where modern dads discover how to create the true riches relationships and results they deserve Get your High Value Man blueprint and join our community at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go

02:19 Hey, Jonnie here. Great to have you back on The Jonnie Jensen Show is my absolute pleasure to see you all I have had a curious week shall we say brought about through some attempted changes in technology. I am deeply regretting that whole process. You know when your subscriptions up and then they crank up the price, and you think oh that's ridiculous I can't do that. I will find another tool or work out another way to do this. And so a lot of people use Riverside and so i've been testing it out and trying to use it... The sound quality is just..I couldn't get it to be any good and it was over complicated. The intros all so many things more complicated! Then right at the point of leaving

03:04 StreamYard, they make me some offer which I was like oh I'm already committed now. Anyway i'm still trying to unravel it I've no idea what's going to happen but we shall see watch this space Have I tried to go on my own, go alone? I don't know. Maybe i have. I think...I've asked a lot of people. I've asked a few other podcasts about their Riverside experience and everyone said it was really positive but no! It was a pain in the ass and it broke all my systems that work so well anyway sometimes it is just best to stick with what you know and if I probably asked were they going to make me a goodbye offer before they left then they might have told me who knows maybe they wouldn't

03:46 Lone Wolf Syndrome. We've talked about it before though and it comes back round because, It is fundamentally at the heart of what takes so many men down. It's about trying to do all on your own. It's about a lack of vulnerability or letting people in you know as far back as... Oh blimey we could go way far back! You know they're called not nomadic that's people that wander around although would be those in... I don't have bloody words. American Indians, those kind of tribes. Indigenous! There you go indigenous Aborigines, American Indians, Amazonian tribes like there's a great history of the collective spirit of stories being passed down and experiences in trades being passed from father to son throughout the tribe throughout generations

04:38 Jesus had his disciples, and I dare say there's similar examples in other religions of that. Napoleon Hill bringing it right up to modern 20th century personal development talked about the power of mastermind and putting that 12 people around you. What is it called? You are the The six degrees of separation type thing you are the power of the people, you put your six people around most often. You see it mentioned all the time and yet so many men try to go alone right like I said in this episode we're gonna talk about not just this is a concept but actually five

05:20 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Lone Wolf, The tools and the accountability and the encouragement support around you to actually live like this. You'll realize that you stop taking the pressure of all that home, you stop putting it on your wife or partner or taking it out on your kids or pretending on the outside everything's okay but inside you're constantly stuck in this thought about what am I going to do next? How am I gonna fix that where we go here? They don't get the best version of you

07:57 So what do we do about Lone Wolf? I mean, like i've talked about it before and where it comes from. I alluded to in the introduction It's this idea that men are supposed Be strong, be capable, be able to tackle things. To tackle it all on their own but in truth we see it in movies like James Bond or Bourne Ultimatum and you know all the kind of fairy tales where the Prince Charming comes and saves the day. Die hard he's on his own trying to save the world but its just not realistic

08:55 Even men that do solo things, you know like you see people who do these ultra marathons or insane 30 marathon in 30 days type thing. The team they have behind them the other runners who they will network with and get tips and experience off of is extensive if you listen to them on podcasts or read their books listened to their books your hear them talk about their teams Entrepreneurs billionaires successful people they use a lot of coverage right now about what matters up to what is the code is up to in kind of.

09:32 Who bring up all the best talent from within the industry that's putting a team together he is not the AI expert however clever is or whatever. He's able to do he's not as clever has the most specialist I personally certainly not as clever even with one person as a room full of them and thats the power off the collective So where this thought, this idea came from that men have to be strong and men have to do it on their own. And if you're in business, you've got just plow ahead no one else is going to help me. I know the classic for even myself is this thought that it's gonna take longer to involve someone else. I'm gonna have to explain it and then they're gonna get wrong and then that can be frustrating and I'll be back where I started two weeks before and we'd missing deadlines so much to do myself

10:21 That doesn't work because you're not creating a system, a structure, SOP, standard operating procedure. You have to put this in place both from a personnel point of view and from a system point of view You're not the best at everything and that's one of the tools we gonna talk about here. Dan Sullivan who runs a personal development dude, He's the guy behind Strategic Coach and I've read a number of his books, couple more recent ones he has been co-written with a guy. So who not how as well as 10x is faster than 2X but who not how we're going to reference today in this great book all about the idea, the concept really that

11:17 How to do something is the wrong question who can help me who's done this before who can i get on board. Is the more powerful question and it's not to say that you're completely incompetent is not to say that you cant succeed occasionally in doing things on your own but have a look, Have a look at what could be achieved by spreading that load and the guy I was particularly mentioned in the introduction he has been this without being too specific about the personal information details of it. He had been trying to deal with a particular topic on his own and to be honest,

11:59 I ended up saying to him this is bloody stupid you stuck your head in the sand here really about what's truly going on because the problems that we're facing right now as we unpack this and put it into a spreadsheet, a task list are way worse. Now nine months down the line than they would have been at the beginning if we handled this together then like i would have been his who In this process if he'd have shared this inside the high value man project accountability and hot seat chats and sessions. He would've found out that multiple other men in the program woulda said to him, oh yeah I faced that i've dealt with that This is what I did so it's ludicrous to suggest or presume that he was better off doing on his own because he wasn't even dealing with it just stuck his head in sand And thats often what we do its like going down a rabbit hole

12:53 You know, you think that the goal is at the end of the tunnel so you just keep going and actually you're just digging yourself into a deeper hole with no clear way out. That sounds a bit bleak but as it's worse thats what happens because when things don't work out Start to fall into place as you hope they would, then your options start to run out. Time starts to run out money starts to run out energy runs out That's the problem with the Lone Wolf Syndrome You're betting everything on The idea...on the hope that you're gonna get through this before everything else falls to pieces and that I can relate to that because that's what I did with my

13:37 My marriage with the miscarriages with financial challenges with the relationship as it was, with a whole load of other stuff going on and just thinking if I can just get through this if I can just get through this everything's gonna be fine. The kids will be older my wife will be back you know we able to get back into some work and start doing you know put herself back on her feet enjoy herself again um well get through this And then actually turns out i wasn't doing that well then my brother's death came along and then we broke up and it was the only thing I realized oh my gosh, i'm literally on my knees here hadn't even realize like like.

14:20 Like carrying the flipping weight of the world on my shoulders thinking I was doing okay and actually like a cartoon in the newspaper, The picture of me would have been you know absolutely done in with the flipping like atlas with the world on my shoulders but squashed flat like a pancake. That would have been me! And I say the day you search Google for am I burnt out? The answer is yes you already are right so let's dig into this okay Lone Wolf is a negative pattern, it's low value. We talked many times about how the High Value Man project name came about because when we operate in the right way we create this upward spiral, we create momentum of positive force, we create flow. The opposite is low value tension stress exhaustion loss lack of finances everything right

15:18 One thing about Dan Sullivan in Who Not How, he says if you have a word... If you find yourself looking at the situation and you think okay well I've just got to do this better. I've just gotta do this faster or i've just gotta do this cheaper those words that end up er are often the trap they're often an indication that your going down a solo Lone Wolf route Trying to become smarter, faster better on your own will generally keep you stuck. It's the rabbit hole right? It's the how trap when your focus more on finding the right people to help you

16:01 Then you start to actually lean on their skills of having done this before they've solved the problem before okay so that's a perfect. It is a perfect example as Stan Sullivan said in the book instead of asking how can I get better at this ask who can help me achieve this result it's this it's a mindset trick right so its programming operating system for you to come from it's high value way of being Trying to be fitter instead of hiring a personal trainer, trying to be smarter instead of joining a mastermind. Trying to sell better instead of going on a sales course or reading some... who are we gonna go for? Brian Tracy probably Jim Rohn I think Zig Ziggler's got some awesome sales books as well oh Grant Cardone if you're gonna get fully up-to-date right

16:52 So that's a really good tip right now. Five ways of five systems of really breaking this down okay and these pull from my own personal experience, they pull from my coaching they definitely pull from the High Value Man system for me The five tools to break Lone Wolf mindset number one we just talked about it who not how stop asking how do I fix this and start asking who can help Resolve it, who can help me instead of asking how can I move faster asking who can teach me to run better. A man with a team moves 10 times faster, 1000 times faster than in his own head. I don't know but you're definitely going to move faster with the team around you. We'll talk about number five setting your path about really identifying who those people might be but you'll know them yourself right and if you don't... If we do it here right? ...if you don't know the specific name of someone like i can think of if i was gonna go sales and

17:53 Someone around me I might go Dave juneau who runs the networking group i got to write not in terms of sales on my well right there sales people. So if you don't know someone then put in the in that column or next to that challenge, sales expert and then you start to ask your network who do you know that is flipping epic at sales. And so if you'd asked me than I would have told you those suggested names I just came up with it's as simple as that right? Who not how not rocket science! Then this one often the thought of what we're trying to avoid or make happen is a very internal thought

18:35 And there'll be some level of avoidance or fear that's coming from that, thats having you do it all on your own. I said previously about thinking if i get involved someone else if i go and get a freelancer is probably gonna go wrong that can take me longer so should just do the might do myself right. That's kind of What's the worst thing that could happen thought kicking you in the ass. It might make sense in the moment but it generally out of some kind of panic or concern is not gonna go right So when you look at really what's the worst that could happen here then you start to actually want to get it on paper instead of your catastrophizing about coming up with outcomes are necessarily realistic or holding you in fear, you get to actually work on it so if.

19:26 For example let's imagine it was something to do with a divorce. I know quite a lot of the men inside High Manly Project are going through a divorce and breakup, we know that we get this sort of drama avoidance trauma Where we don't want to open an email because we fear what's going to be in it next, you know. Because it is going to create a whole load of upset and it's gonna wipe out our whole day. Anyone that has been through a divorce perhaps if your facing financial challenges You'll know that! You don't wanna open the letter or the email or voice message because of that But when you put it down on paper what's the worst thing can happen? Okay If I don't read this then...ummm..I could end up in contempt of court. I could miss a deadline

20:11 Right great and then you start to get very real about, okay now I can see the problems that are here and i can go back to that first question of who could help this with me. When you leave it rattling around in your head you're generally going to come up with weird responses weird answers to the problem or you're simply gonna go that's too much to handle i'm going to avoid it. And by the way doing that with someone probably gonna help as well! Okay number three on The 5 Tools To Break The Lone Wolf Mindset The Eisenhower matrix, former president Eisenhower. I did read that he didn't actually come up with this but it was just something he used and then it became synonymous with him right? Basically the Eisenhower Matrix is a way of chunking out your tasks to see which ones are the most important, to see which ones you can delegate and to see which ones you can just push aside all together

21:03 So it goes like this in the four boxes and you've probably seen it or you can if your inside the High Value Man Project trainings, you'll see it referenced inside that work basically. But its 4 boxes... The first box is important and urgent Now it's things that are important and urgent might be a sales presentation you got coming up today, that you have to present at. That you have to lead. That's both important because you want to get the deal and its urgent cause in a couple of hours right? Probably not going to be able avoid too many importance and urgence but if your diary is full of important and urgent then you're gonna be stressed out for max. You can I have to look how you can move some of those urgent things on to other people

21:46 Next up, Important Not Urgent. Now this is a good box. Important not urgent is generally where you're going to find strategic work things about planning for the future things that are really gonna move the dial because you've got time and capacity to address them properly You could even go out and find people that could help you right? The Who's! So your important not urgent That's the box that true leaders in your family In your business in your life there's the box you want to be working on Next up, not important but urgent. So not important but urgent might be picking your kids up from school right? Of course it's important but in the context of business and strategizing and managing your stress workload the kid especially if they're you know little junior school primary school then they've got to be picked up! And they gonna finish school at three o'clock so

22:38 It's important it is not important but it is urgent now I'm not saying that don't go and pick your kids up from school because that as a man has created life to truly works for him where he got time and money freedom will have the capacity to come pick up his kids on a regular. If you're divorced dad single dad then you probably gonna find yourself doing that regularly anyway so in your kid love it It's not that it is not important, but again if you find yourself dealing with lots of not important but urgent work then you might find like your running around quite frantically and could you delegate some of that. Could you carpool? Could you create a situation where grandparents can pick up your kids occasionally things the way your kids feel loved but also feels like you're managing your workload

23:26 And then the fourth box is not important and not urgent. This is flipping playing on your phone, social media doom scrolling Call of Duty if you're a gamer I got at 51 years old people that game regularly. I mean great we all deserve hobbies but if you just wasting your time doing crap like that then have a look You know the idea of your sleeping until the middle of the morning at the weekends and only get half a day like time is precious do good stuff with it so when you look up if you chunk out what you got going on into an Eisenhower matrix, you get very able to look and see what could I delegate who could i involve how can I spread the load here. Ok number four in the five tools to break the Lone Wolf mindset this is the superpower matrix taken from the 3xc formula

24:23 It's about you working in your flame it's about you being the truest version of yourself true self we call it when you know this inherently and you stick to it then delegation becomes much more obvious. Process and action becomes much more automatic. So just briefly, there's five boxes the middle box is your values like who are you truly when you constantly operate in congruence with your values life gets easy life flows You don't find there's a tension it's not like rolling and driving along that bumpy bit on the motorway to stop you hitting the edges If you're operating like that then you are not in congruence with your values

25:08 If you know family is a value of yours and you constantly getting home after the kids are gone to bed, then that's not going to love your work because you're not gonna be living in line with your values. So there's lots of different values exercises but really quick one is put A stopwatch for two minutes. Write down all the things that are important to you, all of the things that you love, all the things that light you up, all the things that you like doing, all the things that make you feel good right? And then once the alarm goes off for 2 minutes, then just cluster them up. You'll find they generally pull into about 5 or 4-5-6 groups and then you can label those groups. You will see that they are your core values and around that strengths weaknesses passions and commitments

25:55 Starting with weaknesses, if you work too much on your weaknesses or if you're working in an areas that aren't your strong suits then it's gonna do your head in. For me I can't do my books, maths not really a strong point and quite good with spreadsheets things like that but just the monotonous nature of...and I'm not trained accountant either right so makes sense for me to have a bookkeeper There are other areas of your business where you'll find particularly if you're starting out in business and get to really grow the team size you want that you be doing things that don't like you up take a lot of your time. You've got to get those low, those jobs those tasks for into the weakness side of it out of your life

26:44 Then strengths, but it's the complete opposite right. It makes sense that you do what you're good at but be careful if your in a leadership position one of the guys I work one on one with very good project manager but he is the leader in his business so getting out of that project manager mindset hiring a really good project manager and kept hiring poor ones which was then just sucking him back into it Finally got himself an awesome project manager and he has transformed his business over the last eight months. So yes, have your strengths but know when it's time to delegate those as well! Okay then the final two boxes are passions and commitments and these two can overlap quite a lot. Commitments are your kids okay? Now kids could also be a passion yeah...

27:28 But knowing what your commitments and passions are allows you to make sure that you're getting enough of that in your life, that's that you're providing enough time and capacity to do those things. If you find you have got very little time for the things that are your passions and commitments, then you're probably stuck in Lone Wolf. You're probably filling your life up with too much stuff trying to go it all alone and it will start to weigh you down It will start to knock the life out of you That's the importance of The Superpower Matrix When you get it all down look at it and say oh yes I am living that life

28:09 It's highly likely that you've put a lot of good people around you. If you are, if you're really struggling, if you got a lot stuff going on in the area of weaknesses, if your overloaded in your strengths areas and if you're incongruent not living aligned with your values then you gonna burn out, it is gonna take you down And then finally number five in the tools to break out of the Lone Wolf mindset is a process called setting your path. It's not just goal-setting it's beyond that, setting your path is a simple ladder of actions that starts with the goal you want ok? Both The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, Lone Wolf.

29:14 Then you put what would a tangible outcome for that goal look like. Could be, if we stick with that same example it will be a number and what will the monetary goal? And then what will your why, why does that goal matter? You can go different layers on your why. The first layer is probably going to be what it means to you like having that financial reward and what its gonna mean to you but if you want a why thats truly compelling its probably gonna be about someone else. Its gonna be a why that is about your kids, your family, your community. It's gonna be about the impact you can make, the difference you can make, the life that you provide for people

29:52 That's when you find a why that not just motivate because motivation comes in and out but when you've got a why the is truly like, call operating system stuff then there's no question about how they got enough motivation for this it's just an inherent commitment to why. And then what will happen next boxes on the ladder, what would happen if I don't achieve this like literally. What's at stake here? If this doesn't happen, what's at stake where all life look like if this goal isn't achieved So that's really the eye opener, that sure baseline like ouch because very often a pain will push us forward quicker than desire and we know this if you look at someone who has been diagnosed with lung cancer they suddenly give up smoking the next day where they haven't been able to for the previous 30 years. It is that kind of awareness

30:48 And then quite simply the final two boxes in the set your path ladder is who are you going to involve, clearly we've just been talking about that throughout this whole session and the first five actions you are going to take to move forward in this area. When you do that, when you set your path. That's a leadership principle You've gotten clear on what it is you're doing where the target is What's at stake? Who are going to be involved and then what are the actions you're gonna work on together So those five steps who not how The whats-the-worst-that-could-happen exercise Eisenhower Matrix to chunk out your tasks Your weekly task Superpower Matrix

31:37 Ensure that you're operating consistent with who you are and then set your path ladder so you got a clear plan of action. That's how you break free from the Lone Wolf mindset, and finally on this whole point is that none of us are alone if you think about the The phone ringing and someone from your life, whether it was someone from a long time ago or someone you see all the time. If they said to you I really could do with some help over this particular topic what are you know about it? Or who do you know who does imagine that was round the other way What would you say those people? Oh sod off! I'm not helping screw you how dare you share that with me You wouldn't do it

32:21 You wouldn't do it you would be there for that person you would create something and that's the amazing thing. You were generally create something when minds come together as Napoleon Hill stressed in Think and Grow Rich, like the power of a mastermind is that collective mind is to combine knowledge of those people together which is always always gonna be more powerful than your knowledge on your own especially if around the right people of course So I would love to know what your plan of attack is around your Lone Wolf mindset. If you're recognizing this as a way of operating that's holding you back, that's dragging you down then get yourself over to us here at the High Value Man Project if you want to book a Power Call just highvaluemanproject.com forward slash power call That can get you straight into there or put you in the base camp afterwards Or just go and join the group highvaluemanproject.com forward slash group

33:24 It would be my absolute pleasure to have you involved. We've got the first eight week accelerator of the year coming up soon, which will then roll into The Lodge Weekender, which is our firewalk experience in November. There's a number of places still left on that it will be maxed out The Lodge Weekender will be topped out at 16 guys and we'll be up in Scotland for an incredible weekend involving firewalking And that's it, that's a wrap for today. Absolute pleasure to have you involved I look forward to seeing you in or hearing from you in between now and next week's episode we've got lots of guest slots coming up uh I'm going to work on a series called The Comeback Kings so if that sounds like something that you could be involved with and you've got a decent mic and want to get on the podcast then let me know about that as well It's been great to have you here see you next time Let's Go

34:16 Thanks for tuning in to The Jonnie Jensen Show. Be sure to subscribe, leave a review and share it with fellow dads! Creating the life you deserve starts with YOU. Get your High Value Man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go