Staying Motivated When Nothing Seems to Be Working

00:00 Staying motivated when nothing seems to be working. You know that feeling when something you used to love suddenly feels awkward, like the energy's gone? This episode isn't about tips and tricks for motivation it's about what happens when the thing you love stops loving you back! It's for the men who've been putting in effort showing up doing all the right things and still feeling flat let's go Welcome to The Jonnie Jensen Show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches relationships and results they deserve. Get your High Value Man blueprint and join our community at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go! Alamen good to have you here

00:48 Motivation. I am sure you have heard about the saying that motivation isn't the problem, no commitment is where you go to look for motivation. Motivation comes and goes right? It's difficult to rely on motivation because motivations generally driven by some kind of inspiration or an excitement for an idea but We know it's not real life to be able to keep yourself fully maxed out on the excited level. It's something more grounded that we require, right? And that is about commitment this feeling in this experience

01:30 We beat ourselves up. You know, when motivation dips we beat ourselves up and assume there's something wrong like is it us? Is it them? Quite often we'll go and blame other people or circumstances before we actually look at ourselves which is another story in itself, another subject in itself but actually when motivation dips, when commitment becomes a struggle, when the thing you said you were going to do becomes harder It's just feedback. It's an opportunity for you to check in with yourself and see where something is slightly off, that's what we're going to talk about in this episode of the podcast The Jonnie Jensen Show and this video today If you have been here before then thanks for joining us I hope you subscribed and are sharing this podcast around with your friends if you've not been here before then welcome

02:20 Welcome to the High Value Man Project. My name is Jonnie Jensen, I'm the founder and the head coach there if you go to highvaluemanproject.com forward slash group that will let you into our school group on their complimentary level and you'll see everything that we have available therefore modern dads who are creating a life they desire Be in the man they want to be. So go over there now and get yourself sorted, you can grab a free power call or all the other free content before finding out about the group work, the elite one-on-one coaching for men. You know this is about men thriving in their life whether that's in your work or relationship or in particular at home right? It's about being the man that you want to be not struggling not suffering not putting up with

03:08 And that's where so many men lose this love for life because it suddenly feels like such a struggle. The plan they were working towards suddenly doesn't feel quite within reach and there are lots of little indicators for this, for me recently it has been the podcast I absolutely love doing the podcast but lots of things have been going on that have had me I'm Motivation though, as I've said in the beginning right. Motivation isn't enough it's really about commitment so this conversation today is about both these things they overlap they're one in the same but they're also very different

04:05 Having a vision for the podcast, having it be something that's actually content that I enjoy creating. People can be very successful. You can connect with lots of people quickly. You could turn into videos like... It makes a lot of sense having the confidence to do it is absolutely vital as you could imagine if you've ever tried to put yourself on video, you will know exactly what that feels like but it's about being putting a structure in place that has you get Set up, get through it each week and stay committed because results are fundamentally where I've been experiencing a little bit of burnout around this subject. Less engagement not quite as many downloads or listens or views as I would like definitely some spikes in it and perversely if I look at the results over six months It's certainly going in the right direction If I look at it over six weeks then its going up and down

05:06 When you get too fixated on results, you stop creating from passion. You start to perform for outcomes and whilst outcomes are important it gives you a measure of where your headed if it's all about the results and to the expense of passions then the results will knock you back knock you off your feet way before the commitment to your passion okay? And that's the danger When your self-worth gets tied to results, you lose your rhythm. You forget why you started now at a great moment this week when my brother I'm sure he won't mind me mentioning this uh my brother called me up and asked me for some input some guidance you know dare i say it's some coaching around his fitness

05:52 He is a dude. He's got four amazing kids, he has been with his wife since they were 14 years old clearly not married at that age but that's when they first started dating successful business amazing house like smashing it and we are close We have a great relationship everything's cool I've always been pretty fit. I've always exercised and whilst he skis and bikes, and hikes and all this other stuff...I'm blessed with having quite a skinny frame! He's a bigger guy right? And whilst i do have some back stuff he has it way worse so you kind of got this factor of someone who's trying to manage their weight trying to stay pain-free right?! So

06:36 He asked me, he's like I built the gym at home. And by the way, I'm 51 nearly 52 He's about to be 50 right? So we were at that point where the things that worked for us before and many of you will relate to this suddenly don't work quite so well For a moment this awesome moment I got to, I got to be coached for him right not as a brother but as a man helping another man get back to his power We talked about a number of factors which prompted me to create today's episode And I'm going to take you through each of those elements today, right? One of the big ones which are going to dig into more deeper but just to bring it up and put it here at the front. Right. Your identity is vital. You know if you have it be that your this negative thing that's trying to become a good thing right an overweight guy who's trying to become a fit guy then you're going to be disempowered by the picture by the position of I'm overweight

07:39 What can I do about it? You're constantly battling with that. And that's to a degree where yo-yo dieting comes from, yeah! Yeah, I've lost weight okay we're gonna eat again oh no put the weight back on Oh feel guilty bad wait for enough wait for the pain to get worse enough then we start all over again when you can shift the identity you could shift it away from burnt out overweight lazy I'm When your kids are still teenagers is empowering because it's putting yourself in your future as that fit, healthy guy who's running around with his grandchildren. Whatever the label is you wear it so make sure the label isn't an empowering one a positive one okay? So first part of this right is the vision having a clear vision of who you are and what you're up to like it's part of clarity in the high value man system for living

08:55 You can have a structure and plan, you can have all the kit and the playlist but without vision it all falls flat. Your vision is linked intrinsically to your why right because if you're clear about what you're creating and you are clear that it's tied into your vision and values like your true self who you really are then your why comes out of that Because if your vision is this creating a business and a team around you, if your vision is being strong and fit and attractive. If your vision is dad grandad role model then your why naturally becomes about something more than just you it becomes about your wife, about your children, about your team, about your community so it's important to have a why that matters to you

09:47 When you can ask, and why does that matter? You'll see that the next level starts to become about your kids or about your wife or about other people. So if my why is I want to get fit so I look good. Okay, and why do you wanna look good? Oh, one looked good because I feel more confident. Okay. And why'd you want to feel more confident because when I feel more constant, I'm more attractive. Okay. Who's going to be attractive too? I want to be attractive to mine wife. Oh okay. So your fitness is about your relationship. Okay. So you being fit means that your relationships going into work where it might do well there's definitely an element of that this guy into okay. Why do you want that? All right. I want that because I don't want to get I'm

10:46 is connected to who you are and your who you are is connected to your why. And your why's a strong, strong driver for your commitment for your motivation if you like. So for my brother it's like well or any of us right? It's about his youngest kid they live in the mountains they ski it's about it's about your youngest kids' kids being able to teach those grandchildren how to ski wow okay that's a why The Jonnie Jensen Show,

11:37 If we talk specifically about guys whose relationships are struggling or who are coming out of divorce, their identity, their true self is rocked to its core. Guys in a relationship that doesn't work feels unworthy, feels rejected, feels unvalued, feels all kinds of negative words speaking from experience right? It's almost impossible to get committed and motivated when you're going through a relationship that's broken. When you're rebuilding after divorce... Wow! You've got both things there. You've got the broken experience, but you've also got ground zero. Ground zero where you're naked and alone but also ground zero where you get to build from it's a complete fresh start is a brand new chapter so you can see just along that journey from someone who was in a positive relationship and thriving through that experience and ending up at ground zero is likely going to see themselves as a bit of

12:36 A shell-shocked guy coming back from a war. What do they call them? Anyway, a guy coming back from a war right? Your identity is where you start to build yourself up it's your self talk and your self talk is so important in the area of motivation and commitment being fat bloke trying again to lose weight is not very empowering In fact I can't really think of many less empowering pictures Being runner Being strong man, being attractive. When that is your identity and all your actions fall in line behind it who you are how you show up what you eat what you cook What you choose when you're going out for a meal It doesn't mean that you can't be fun person either but it just becomes a lot easier to come from a place of something positive Why are you doing that? Doing that to lose weight No I'm not doing that to lose weight I'm doing that because I'm a snowboarder I'm a runner I'm a hiker

13:40 Creating an identity that is aligned with your true self is immensely powerful. It's an identity you can commit to, strong alive proud I'm an athlete in training and a grounded powerful man. I'm a dad who was a role model to his kids. That's your identity! And when when you have an identity like that motivation stops being the problem. You don't need motivation when you're being consistent with who you are That's starting from the inside out. That is where your true strength as a man comes from. So then next up is your environment, structure and environment right? It's immensely powerful verging on vital I said to a friend the other day we were talking about where she felt she needed to be and where she felt she would be at her best

14:41 I said to her, it's not that you want to go to that place. It's about being prepared for it. I said going to the moon was a pretty crazy idea but they built the rockets. They created the life support systems. They trained their astronauts to be ready and only those that were fit enough went so that was a structure or an environment that was consistent with the outcome had integrity So if your structure and environment isn't supportive of what you say you're creating, then it's probably not going to work. Momentum really comes from a structure and a routine that works for you so sleep is a vital part I said to my brother it's not about trying harder It's about making easier when you're tired everything's bloody difficult

15:35 And if you went to bed at midnight when you were in your 30s and 40s, and got up at half six and it worked for you then great. It may not work when you're 50! I know that for myself looking at my sleep right now. My sleep has been a challenge with schools and birthdays and a whole load of other excuses quite frankly Getting to bed at the right time and having enough sleep is structure and an environment that supports me exercising in the morning at quarter past six rather than sleeping until 7.15am chasing my tail! In terms of your fitness, make it easy lay out the gym kit prep your meals choose people on YouTube that you like working out with pick videos that fire you up and are level with where you're at right now these are small things that trigger action not pressure

16:28 You got to realize when, when people put a plan in place it's really flipping it too much. Rather than being something that motivates you, It becomes something to hold you back. Quite honestly the lighting with the podcast has been one of those factors. It was too bright on my face. It reflected in the stuff behind I just...it was just, it was demotivating me fixing that getting into a rhythm. That's the structure that creates this spark So your vision and identity, you know all linked into your why which helps you create commitment. And then when you're struggling when motivation naturally comes in and out, when you're relying on your commitment but you don't feel like it maybe you have got too attached to the results like I spoke about at the beginning, you go back to The High Value Man Fire Code

17:27 These four elements that we underpin everything that we do in terms of our day-to-day lives, how we show up. Focus! That's the work on yourself. What can you do today that makes a difference? What's like one action that is consistent with the goal that you said you were working towards with the outcome that you said you desired then impact Like what's it going to take? Now impact is generally around money, around work, around your community. But if we use it in practical terms like what's it going to take to make that happen? What's the structure, If we go back to that's required for you to get that result and then relationships who could help you? Who's achieved it already? Who's walked this path and got to where you said you want to be

18:27 Who could keep you accountable? What are you sharing with the people closest to you, like what are you declaring to them. Are they inspired by it so that they eat the same stuff or they come on the walks with you? Don't try and do all this stuff on your own! That's in itself makes it naturally much harder and then energy... The amount of fun adventure and peace you're having around this thing Checking in, rewarding yourself along the way. Making the goal something that is milestone based and one-way out there outcome because then you get to reward yourself and celebrate the little wins and it's rewarding and celebrating those wins along the way that trigger a Reward Center in your brain

19:15 The dopamine and the endorphins, even to a degree the adrenaline. The excitement of achieving what you set out to do will spur you on to the next level onto the next milestone. So if I take this back to motivation it's not something you can count on it's not something that you can wait for in many ways motivation is something that you earn and it comes from the highs from the excitement of your initial idea or from the success at some point down the line. It's fallacy Because when you rely on motivation, in the same way if you rely on results those things can come in and come out. They can go up they can go down that's not where your commitment comes from it's not where passion lives and breathes show up even when it's difficult get to bed earlier even if you're not used to getting bed too early eat different stuff or cut stuff out if that's what it takes adjust the lights of your podcast so that you feel more confident doing it And if you've gone off the boil good

20:20 It's a reminder that something is out. It's not a reminder that something is broken and terrible, and you should stop it. It's just an indicator of something being slightly off. That if you adjust it, if you get input from others, that you take inspiration from people who have already walked the path, then you will get back into that rhythm and likely evolve. It will likely improve and take you to the next level. So in that respect These challenges, these lessons are never failures. They're just opportunities to grow and always reconnect back with your vision being very present to who you are and what you're up to is where everything comes from. What you say you are is consistent with what you're doing then you will inevitably reach the result. You can't get fit instantly. You can't get a million downloads on a podcast on day one. Not that I'm aware of right?

21:16 It comes back to the identity and the vision that you're creating for yourself because that's got integrity. That's where you commit to what you said, you would do and from integrity comes energy. Where are you off track? What have you said your creating or doing that you're finding difficult If you're making that be something about your overall ability, like something like oh if I can't do that then i'm a failure. Then stop! It probably means you're trying to do it all on your own. It probably means that you're trying to do it without guidance and accountability. Without the support of light-minded men who are up to stuff in their life the same way as you are

22:04 It might likely if you're not doing that, you're probably over relying on your relationship which is probably struggling under the strain of it. Which is then making you feel even worse Get yourself over to the High Value Man Project. Like I said at the beginning, we have a range of opportunities and places for you to get involved starting with our free community which is now on school. You go to highvaluemanproject.com forward slash group and that'll get you in there as the base count with tools and resources like The Relationship Reset and The Single Dad Advantage. There's then the U2.0 which is a 60 minute accelerated introduction to the High Value Man System for Living

22:43 Follow that and you will feel better within 14 days. And then of course, there's the invitation to come and get involved in the inner circle and all the work that we do inside the 3XC and The Fire Code. If you want to work one-on-one with me then that's always subject to being fully booked. That's always an option for you Please like and share this wherever you're listening or watching. It's what helps us spread the message, it is what helps us grow The High Value Man Project and if you are on Spotify or Apple Podcast then please go and leave a review it's just a couple of clicks dead easy do it on your phone because that's the easiest way and and it helps us spread the message. Been my absolute pleasure to have you here

23:29 Thanks for choosing me and I look forward to seeing you next time on The Jonnie Jensen Show. Let's go! Thanks for tuning in to The Jonnie Jensen Show, be sure to subscribe leave a review and share it with fellow dads creating the life You deserve starts with YOU get your high value man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dad at HighValueManProject.com let's go