Staying Motivated When Nothing Seems to Be Working

00:00 Staying motivated when nothing seems to be working. You know that feeling when something you used to love suddenly feels awkward, like the energy's gone. This episode isn't about tips and tricks for motivation. It's about what happens when the thing you love stops loving you back. It's for the men who've been putting in effort, showing up, doing all the right things and still feeling flat. Let's go. Welcome to the Johnny Jensen show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches, relationships and results they deserve. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community at highvalue manproject.com.

00:43 Let's go. Hello man, good to have you here. Motivation. I am sure you have heard about the saying that motivation isn't the problem. Commitment is where you go to look for motivation. Motivation comes and goes, right? It's difficult to rely on motivation because motivation is generally driven by some kind of inspiration or an excitement for an idea. But we know, you know, it's not real life to be able to keep yourself fully maxed out on the excited level. It's something more grounded that we require, right? And that is about commitment.

01:26 This feeling, you know, this experience, we beat ourselves up. You know, when motivation dips, we beat ourselves up. We assume there's something wrong. Like, you know, is it us? Is it them? You know, quite often we'll go and blame other people or circumstances before we actually look at ourselves, which is another story in itself, another subject in itself. But actually, when motivation dips, when commitment becomes a struggle, when the thing you said you were going to do becomes harder, it's just feedback. It's an opportunity for you to check in with yourself and see where something's slightly off. And that's what we're going to talk about in this episode of the podcast, the Johnny Jensen show, and this video today.

03:35 One of them, if you're watching on the video, was the lighting. I have, without even going and buying new lights, I've just adjusted what I had. And hopefully you can see if you're watching the video that it's actually far better than it was previously. Okay. Not perfect, but the definite improvement. Motivation, though, as I've said in the beginning, right? Motivation isn't enough. It's really about commitment. So this conversation today is about both these things. They overlap. They're one in the same, but they're also very different. Having a vision for the podcast, having it be something, it's actually content that I enjoy creating. People can be very successful. You can connect with lots of people quickly. You can turn it into videos.

04:17 Like it makes a lot of sense. Having the confidence to do it is absolutely vital, as you can imagine. If you've ever tried to put yourself on video, you'll know exactly what that feels like. But it's about putting a structure in place that has you get set up, get through it each week and stay committed because results are fundamentally where I've been experiencing a little bit of burnout around this subject. Less engagement, not quite as many downloads or listens or views as I would like. Definitely some spikes in it. And perversely, if I look at the results over six months, it's certainly going.

04:59 going in the right direction. If I look at it over six weeks and it's going up and down, up and down. When you get too fixated on results, you stop creating from passion. You start to perform for outcomes. And whilst outcomes are important, you know, it gives you a measure of where you're headed. If it's all about the results and to the expense of passions, then the results will knock you back, knock you off your feet way before the commitment to your passion. Okay. And that's the danger. When your self-worth gets tied to results, you lose your rhythm. You forget why you started. Now, I had a great moment this week when my brother, I'm sure he won't mind me mentioning this.

05:44 My brother called me up and asked me for some input, some guidance, you know, dare I say it, some coaching around his fitness. He is a dude. He's got four amazing kids. He's been with his wife since they were 14 years old. Clearly not married at that age, but that's when they first started dating. Successful business, amazing house, like smashing it. And we are close. We have a great relationship. Everything's cool. I've always been pretty fit. I've always exercised. And whilst he skis and bikes and hikes and all this other stuff, I'm blessed with having quite a skinny frame. He's a bigger guy, right? And whilst I do have some back stuff, he has it way worse.

06:28 So you kind of got this factor of someone who's trying to manage their weight, trying to stay pain-free, right? So he asked me, he's like, I've built the gym at home. And by the way, I'm 51, nearly 52. He's about to be 50, right? So we're at that point where the things that worked for us before, and many of you will relate to this, suddenly don't work quite so well. For a moment, this awesome moment I got to, I got to be coach for him, right? Not as a brother, but as a man helping another man get back to his power. We talked about a number of factors which prompted me to create today's episode. And I'm going to take you through each of those elements today, right? One of the big ones,

07:13 which I'm going to dig into more deeper, but just to bring it up, put it here at the front, right? Your identity is vital. You know, if you have it be that you're this negative thing that's trying to become a good thing, right? An overweight guy who's trying to become a fit guy, then you're going to be disempowered by the picture, by the position of I'm overweight. What can I do about it? You're constantly battling with that. And that's to a degree where yo-yo dieting comes from. Yay, I've lost weight. Okay, we're going to eat again. Oh, no, I put the weight back on. Oh, feel guilty, bad. Wait for enough, wait for the pain to get worse enough. Then we start all over again. When you can shift the identity,

07:57 you can shift it away from burnt out, overweight, lazy, broke, like you shift that identity to a more empowering one, then it holds you to account. It keeps you on the game because you're inspired about that version of yourself. I am strong. I am runner. I am creator. I am leader. I am dad. I am granddad, right? Like having a vision for yourself as granddad when you're not, when your kids are still teenagers is empowering because it's putting yourself in your future as that fit, healthy guy who's running around with his grandchildren. Whatever the label is, you wear it. So make sure the label is an empowering one, a positive one.

08:42 Okay, so first part of this, right, is the vision. Having a clear vision of who you are and what you're up to, like it's part of clarity in the high value man system for living. You can have a structure and a plan. You can have all the kit and the playlist, but without a vision, it all falls flat. Your vision is linked intrinsically to your why, right? Because if you're clear about what you're creating and you're clear that it's tied into your vision and values, like your true self, who you really are, then your why comes out of that.

09:18 Because if your vision is this creating a business and a team around you, if your vision is being strong and fit and attractive, if your vision is dad, granddad, role model, then your why naturally becomes about something more than just you. It becomes about your wife, about your children, about your team, about your community. So it's important to have a why that matters to you. But when you can ask, and why does that matter? You'll see that the next level starts to become about your kids or about your wife or about other people.

09:55 people so if my why is i want to get fit so i look good okay and why do you want to look good i want to look good because i feel more confident okay and why do you want to feel more confident because when i feel more confident i'm more attractive okay and who do you want to be attractive to i want to be attractive to my wife oh okay so your fitness is about your relationship okay so you being fit means that your relationship's going to work well it might do well there's definitely an element of that that's going to okay and why do you want that oh i want that because i don't want to get um at row at home and why why don't you want that because i don't want my kids to be around that okay and why don't you want that because i want my kids to grow up happy and and and grounded and and and safe

10:35 oh okay so your fitness is about your children being happy and grounded and safe wow that's empowering okay so you can see that your vision is is connected to who you are and your who you are is connected to your why and your why is a strong strong driver for your commitment for your motivation if you like so for my brother you know it's like well or any of us right it's about his youngest kid they live in the mountains they ski it's about it's about your youngest kids kids being able to teach those grandchildren how to ski wow okay

11:12 that's a why that will have me get up in the morning and exercise that's a why that will have me adjust what we cook and create for dinner for our family so that's the part of the vision right your vision connects intrinsically to your true self which is what i mentioned before how you see yourself determines how you show up it determines everything now working with the men that i do whether that's you know if we talk specifically about guys whose relationships are struggling or who are coming out of divorce their their identity their true self is rocked to its core guys in a relationship that doesn't work feels unworthy feels rejected feels unvalued feels all kinds of negative words speaking from experience right it's almost impossible to get committed and motivated when you're going through a relationship that's broken

12:03 when you're rebuilding after divorce wow you've got both things there you've got the broken experience but you've also got ground zero ground zero where you're naked and alone but also ground zero where you get to build from it's a complete fresh start it's a brand new chapter so you can see just along that journey from someone who was in a positive relationship and thriving through that experience and ending up at ground zero is likely going to see themselves as a bit of a uh you know a shell-shocked uh guy coming back from a war what do they call them anyway a guy coming back from a war right

12:44 your identity is where you start to build yourself up it's your self-talk and your self-talk is so important in the area of motivation and commitment being fat bloke trying again to lose weight is not very empowering in fact i can't really think of many less empowering pictures being runner being strong man being attractive when that is your identity then all your actions fall in line behind it who you are how you show up what you eat what you cook what you choose when you're going out for a meal it doesn't mean that you can't be fun person

13:26 either but it just becomes a lot easier to come from a place of something positive why are you doing that doing that to lose weight no i'm not doing that to lose weight i'm doing that because i'm a snowboarder i'm a runner i'm a hiker creating an identity that is aligned with your true self is in is immensely powerful it's an identity you can commit to strong alive proud i'm an athlete in training i'm a grounded powerful man i'm a dad who's a role model to his kids that's your identity and when when you have an identity like that motivation stops being the problem you don't need motivation when you're being

14:06 consistent with who you are that's starting from the inside out that is where your true strength as a man comes from so the next up is your environment structure and environment right it's it's it's immensely powerful verging on vital i said to a friend the other day we were talking about where she felt she needed to be and where she felt she um uh would be at her best and i said to her it's not that you want to go to that place it's about being prepared

14:47 for it i said you know going to the moon was a pretty crazy idea but they built the rockets they created the life support systems they trained their astronauts to be ready and only those that were fit enough went so that was a structure and an environment that was consistent with the outcome it had integrity So if your structure and environment isn't supportive of what you say you're creating, then it's probably not going to work. That momentum really comes from a structure and a routine that works for you. So sleep is a vital part. I said to my brother, it's not about trying harder.

15:31 It's about making it easier. When you're tired, everything's bloody difficult. And if you went to bed at midnight when you were in your 30s and 40s and got up at half six and it worked for you, then great. It may not work when you're 50. I know that for myself. Looking at my sleep right now, my sleep has been a challenge with schools and birthdays and a whole load of other excuses, quite frankly. Getting to bed at the right time and having enough sleep is structure and an environment that supports me exercising in the morning at quarter past six rather than sleeping until 7.15 and chasing my tail. In terms of your fitness, make it easy. Lay out the gym kit. Prep your meals.

16:14 Choose people on YouTube that you like working out with. Pick videos that fire you up and that are level with where you're at right now. These are small things that trigger action, not pressure. You've got to realize when people put a plan in place, it's really flipping it too much. Rather than it being something that motivates you, it becomes something that holds you back. Quite honestly, the lighting with the podcast has been one of those factors. It was too bright on my face. It reflected in the stuff behind. I just, it was just, it was demotivating me. Fixing that, getting into a rhythm. That's the structure that creates the spark.

17:00 So your vision and identity, you know, all linked into your why, which helps you create commitment. And then when you're struggling, when motivation naturally comes in and out, when you're relying on your commitment, but you don't feel like it, maybe you have got too attached to the results, like I spoke about at the beginning, you go back to the high-value man fire code. These four elements that we under, you know, underpin everything that we do in terms of our day-to-day lives of how we show up. Focus. That's the work on yourself. What can you do today that makes a difference?

17:42 What's like one action that's consistent with the goal that you said you were working towards, with the outcome that you said you desired? Then impact. Like, what's it going to take? You know, impact is generally around money, around work, around your community. But if we use it in practical terms, like, what's it going to take to make that happen? What's the structure, if we go back to, that's required for you to get that result? And then relationships. Who could help you? Who's achieved it already?

18:23 Who's walked this path and got to where you said you want to be? Who could keep you accountable? What are you sharing with the people closest to you? Like, what are you declaring to them? Are they inspired by it? So that they eat the same stuff or they come on the walks with you. Don't try and do all this stuff on your own. That's in itself makes it naturally much harder. And then energy, the amount of fun, adventure, and peace you're having around this thing. Checking in, rewarding yourself along the way, making the goal something that is milestone-based, the one way out there outcome, because then you get to reward yourself.

19:07 Then you get to celebrate the little wins. And it's rewarding and celebrating those wins along the way that trigger the reward center in your brain. The dopamine and the endorphins, even to a degree, the adrenaline, the excitement of achieving what you set out to do will spur you on to the next level, onto the next milestone. So if I take this back to motivation, it's not something you can count on. It's not something that you can wait for. You know, in many ways, motivation is something that you earn. It comes from the highs, from the excitement of the initial idea or from the success. success at some point down the line.

19:48 It's a fallacy. Because when you rely on motivation, in the same way if you rely on results, those things can come in, come out. They can go up, they can go down. That's not where your commitment comes from. It's not where passion lives and breathes. Show up even when it's difficult. Get to bed earlier, even if you're not used to getting bed too earlier. Eat different stuff or cut stuff out if that's what it takes. Adjust the lights of your podcast so that you feel more confident doing it. And if you've gone off the boil, good. It's a reminder that something's out. It's not a reminder that something's broken and terrible and that you should stop.

20:27 It's just an indicator of something being slightly off. That if you adjust it, if you get input from others, that you take inspiration from people that have already walked the path, that you will get back into that rhythm and likely evolve. It will likely improve and take you to the next level. So in that respect, these challenges, these lessons are never failures. They're just opportunities to grow. And always reconnect back to your vision. Being very present to who you are and what you're up to is where everything comes from. What you say you are is consistent with what you're doing, then you will inevitably reach the result.

21:08 You can't get fit instantly. You can't get a million downloads on a podcast on day one. It's not that I'm aware of, right? It comes back to the identity and the vision that you're creating for yourself because that's got integrity. That's where you commit to what you said you would do. And from integrity comes energy. Where are you off track? What have you said you're creating or doing that you're finding difficult? If you're making that be something about your overall ability, like something that like, oh, if I can't do that, then I'm a failure, then stop.