Sleep, Testosterone and Dopamine: Why Men Are Tired And Unmotivated

00:00 If your sleep is off, your whole life will be off. Men, if you think you've got a discipline problem, if you think you've got an energy problem, if you think you've got a sex problem, the reality could just be you're exhausted. Roll theme. Welcome to the Johnny Jensen show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches, relationships and results they deserve. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community at highvalumanproject.com. Let's go. Men, sleep.

00:44 Such a basic thing. And before anybody thinks I know all about this, trust me, you don't. There is a whole science behind sleep. There is a whole way of managing your lifestyle, your life, your environment that will impact and benefit your sleep. And the reason why sleep is so important, the reason why sleep is literally the first element of the high value man project fire tracker is because it is the foundation for everything. If your sleep is off, then everything else will be off. You know, they use it as torture, you know, sleep deprivation. When you, if you've had little kids, you'll know that that is the toughest time of your life when you've got babies and you're trying to juggle your life and you're absolutely exhausted.

01:30 That's why there's probably an optimum time to have babies. The reason I want to cover this off because it creeps up on you. You know, we're busy, we're juggling life, we're up to stuff. And if I look at my sleep tracker for the last month, it is again really off. November, I'll say month, you know, I'm all out of kilter. That doesn't go first to the 30th or whatever. But if I look at like four week blocks, summer was awesome. September was way off. October, I got it back on track. And then November, it's been off again. And it's to do with workload. For me, I've either juggling the kids or

02:12 yeah, work pressure. I also want to keep fit. I want to see Joe, my girlfriend. I want to have it all. And then something slips. And what slips for me is bedtime. I'll do more into the evening and then I'll go to bed late, which then mucks up my morning. And before you know it, you've worked late and got up late or worked late and got up early. Either way, something's got to give because I'll either have not done the workout or I'll have had less sleep. So then the whole routine goes off. And there is a science behind this. And I'm going to go through some of that today with you so that you really understand what's going on in your body. And then we'll just talk about some of the practical aspects of fixing and addressing this.

02:57 Probably go for about 20 minutes today. My journey with sleep has been, I've always slept pretty good. I'm a light sleeper, so but I sleep well. So, you know, when it was kids' time, if the kids were up or crying or something was going on, I could be like, bing. What else? Oh, I've got this crazy oversensitive hearing as well. So I can literally hear when the heating comes on or a car alarm five streets away. Like stuff like that will wake me up. And yet I sleep well. I can get to sleep. I can get back to sleep. I had a girlfriend, awesome woman, a lot of fun. We were together for about four years.

03:36 She had a sleep issue. And I took it upon myself as a bit of a fixer to study up on sleep. And we will get into shortly some of what I learned in that book and other books. I'll recommend a couple of books. And really just try and make this topic real for you because a brilliant expression I heard once, it's probably on a podcast, the guy said, before you decide you're depressed, check you're not just really bloody tired. And that hit home for me so well because, and we'll talk about the science behind it right now, but fatigue, it weighs heavy on you. You're irritable, you're snappy, you're less productive, you feel detached from people.

04:20 And there's a science behind all of this. So before you think something's wrong, before you think you've got an anger problem, before you think you're depressed, before you think you can't get it up, before you think you're weak and lazy because you're not going to the gym, have a look. Foundationally, you might just be really bloody tired. By the way, I mentioned the fire code. If any aspect of what we're talking about today resonates with you as a man, as a dad, as probably a midlife dad who's trying to create the kind of success at home as he has at work, like having it all, relationship with your wife, or rebuilding after a divorce the connection and laughter with your kids but also

05:03 for yourself feeling and looking like the man that you want to be effective in work fun with your mates like really maximizing your life the reason why many men struggle and are flipping can't get their mojo together can't get energized for life is because they're not up to stuff You haven't grabbed yourself by the scruff of the neck and pushed yourself forward. That's not a failing on you. It's just what men do. We try and look after everybody else first, thinking that'll give us the results we want. We have to put ourselves first. Come and join us in the high value man project. The inner circle is our monthly easy access.

05:43 And then we've got the elite group program. There's a whole new cohort and set up coming in for 2026. And if you want to work one-on-one with me, then you can do the elite one-on-one. Go to highvalumanproject.com forward slash group. That'll put you into our school group and you can get going from there. HighvalueManProject.com forward slash group. Right, back on with the sleep subject. Right, let's look at the science of it. Okay. Research is so much easier these days with Chat GPT. And what I always do with Chat GPT is I start from the basis of what I want to say and then I build it around there. So I use it as an efficiency tool. So we're going to go through some of the chemicals that are affected by sleep first and foremost.

06:23 So that you understand this is a mechanical issue more than anything else. Practically, yeah, you need to get to sleep more. We'll talk about what you can do for that in a moment. But let's understand it. Okay. So the big, the big D, dopamine. This is your drive chemical. This is the chemical that is fueled by the reward center in your brain. Habits are fundamentally driven by dopamine, your momentum, your desire. Like it's a reward chemical, right? This is what it says. When you don't sleep, dopamine drops. Dopamine is your motivation, your drive, your ability to follow through. Sleep deprivation turns that dial down so everything feels harder. So this chemical that your body's producing, you produce less of it. You produce less of it when you're tired.

07:07 And it's like a double whammy, really, because when you're tired, you do less. So let's pick the obvious one, like go for a jog or go to the gym. The feel-good chemical, the reward, the buzz that you get from that kicks, starts, fuels the feel-good chemicals. So you exercise, you're happy that you got out of bed, you're happy that you've gone there, as well as the pumping the bloody through the blood through your body, the endorphins that you're creating. The dopamine that comes from that, it's like a double whammy because you're feeling buzzed because you're there, but you're feeling buzzed because you got there. And it's not like just something you made up. It's being fueled by the chemicals, by dopamine, fundamentally.

07:50 You know, men who think they've lost their mojo, like you have. But it's not that you can't get it back or something's terribly wrong. It's just that you're not feeding your body with healthy dopamine. And when I say healthy dopamine, we can get tricked these days by our phones more than anything, but also gambling, porn, these kind of, or even nicotine, like the hit we can find from dopamine can be triggered by all sorts of things. And when, if we stick with doom scrolling, looking at your phone, like TikTok is a killer for it with our with our teens, is we get that instant hit of energy, excitement, something funny, something awesome.

08:31 But it's not real. And so we are, we are draining our dopamine. We are burning it out through these poor lifestyle choices, poor habits. So you've got to get up off your ass and get out there. Like, you know, when my kids were little, when the marriage was on the rocks, when my wife was ill, like when I was working late into the night, I became burnt out because I was fueling myself artificially to get through the day. But the heaviness of it all led me to a lot of panic and stress and drama, which looking back, I might have dealt with it differently if I hadn't have been so exhausted.

09:13 Could I have fixed what was going on so I wouldn't have been so exhausted? I don't actually know. You know, looking back, what I know now and the work that I do with men, yes, we would adjust that. We would make some significant changes to lifestyle and the environment so that you were getting more sleep. And when we look at the fire code, so many other aspects of the lifestyle tracker, the habits and routines, spending quality time with your wife, spending quality time with your kids, going out with your friends, managing your finances, reading something, exercising, journaling, getting enough sleep, these all fuel your dopamine. Okay, next chemical up is cortisol, the stress hormone.

09:55 So a lack of sleep spikes your cortisol. Your body thinks you're in danger, so you become more reactive, more emotional, more overwhelmed by small things. So cortisol is an emotional trigger. Being tired spikes your cortisol. You then end up being snappy, frustrated, resentful, like you're an emotional hotspot, basically, whatever those things could be, maybe even tears, whatever.

10:36 So you become less affected. More arguments at home, more arguments with the kids. Everything starts to feel like it's a little bit too much. And then men start to think that there's something wrong with them, like personality-wise, like the classic one is, you've got an anger problem. Now, anger is another whole subject, anger management. We'll cover that in another podcast, actually. It's down as a topic to come along. When you're really tired, when you're snappy and frustrated and the littlest things are triggering you, you then get told you've got an anger problem. Well, no, I'm just really flippant and exhausted and you're empathizing with me. You're not cutting me any slack. We're not working as a team here. Boom. You can see you're now into an argument, which is also going to spike your cortisol.

11:20 So you're fueling burnout. Cortisol, a prolonged exposure to cortisol is a huge element of burnout. Testosterone of the big T, right? Testosterone in middle-aged men in particular dips. So we need to be doing everything we can to boost our testosterone. And sleep is one of those things. You produce testosterone during your sleep. Less sleep means lower testosterone. And of course, you should know, I'll tell you now, that affects your confidence, your libido, your energy, your strength, your mood, literally everything. Testosterone is like the building blocks of masculinity.

12:03 So it comes back to that feeling flat, the amount of desire you have in your relationships, that sexual energy. Like it's a virility, you know, passion driver, testosterone. So when you feel, you're lacking testosterone along with these cortisol and dopamine, you will feel emotionally fragile, which is like a weakness. So as the man you want to be, you're now looking at yourself in the mirror or experiencing yourself during the day is like, what the hell's wrong with me? Why am I so, why can't I do this? Why am I always having arguments? Why can't I get it up? Like, what the, I'm terrible.

12:41 And so you start to turn what is a chemical situation into a mental health situation because you're running a number on yourself when actually it's just a chemical. You just need to, you know, get more of these chemicals into you. Lack of testosterone will have you feel disconnected from yourself and from the people in your life. Okay, next up, the prefrontal cortex, an amazing piece of kit inside of our bodies. If you want to know why your kids are bonkers when they're like teenagers, early 20s, it's because the prefrontal cortex isn't fully formed. And it's where we rationalize things. It's where we empathize. It's where we process information.

13:25 It manages discipline, decisions, logic, and emotional control. So when your prefrontal cortex is exhausted, it shuts down. And then you start to operate from the more reactive, emotional part of your brain. So when you're tired, this is why you make stupid decisions. You're reactive. It's why you reach for sugar and alcohol and junk food because you want to create some sort of spike, some sort of hit that pushes you forward. Because when you come and you're all foggy and cloudy, you're like, oh, I must be hungry. Oh, I need some caffeine.

14:06 And part of this exhaustion in your brain is why you will end up giving up on things. It'll be where you quit new habits, you'll relapse into bad ways. You'll coast from week to week, knowing that you want to do something different, but failing. And then finally, whilst this isn't a chemical as such, like the ones we've been talking about, it is a process. Okay, it's a function of your body. This is circadian rhythms. It's your body clock. And your body runs on a rhythm. It's kind of given a little bit as well by the moon and the sun, obviously, that day and night rhythm.

14:50 light wakes you up darkness prepares you for sleep we've got melatonin that kicks in um there's the stuff around is it adaptogens when with what happens when we drink coffee in the morning and screens caffeine busy evenings like jumping into bed thinking you're going to fall asleep after after working loads late in the night it all disrupts that rhythm and you end up tired at the wrong times or you end up awake in the middle of the night because you're working which is when you should be getting ready for sleep your circadian rhythms are a natural sort of four hour cycle through the in particular the night

15:28 but it's happening all through the day where your energy levels go up and then they go back down so you're peaking it's why you might get when you call it like a second wind you're peaking at certain points and then you're drifting and feel more snoozy at other points so if you're waking up consistently let's say for for me if i don't go to bed around 10 30 if i i'll get i'll go back up on the up and so around 12 i'll get really flipping focused and effective and then and then i'll work really well until sort of

16:04 1 1 30 and then i'll start to go back down be the time that i'm finishing work maybe if i've done a late one but of course i'm trying to turn the laptop off after having like all these lights and blue screens and i'm thinking straight so that is when you're messing with your circadian rhythms watching porn late at night wrecks your circadian rhythms doom scrolling on your phone like you've got to tune into the rhythm of your body working out just before bed no good you've got to tune into the rhythm of your body and work with it if you start to keep a diary or track these things you should be able to actually plot where your your natural circadian rhythms are in the evening that's when you should be going to bed maximize it

16:47 so that's all the the the science behind what goes on for us all what i didn't realize as a bloke was that that that was all stuff i thought that i just had to get through it i thought that i just had to be the man work late get up early sort out the kids get off to work get home from work you know tidy up the mess put the kids to bed make my own dinner because someone else bloody wouldn't i just had to get through it so being tired wasn't an option but the idea that pushing through was going to work if i'd been more aware of this chemical the sort of the science behind it then i might have been more careful like would you drive your car with no oil in it would you drive your car at 100 mile an hour in second gear

17:33 it would break and that's what you have to realize when you start to track your sleep you'll see you if you've been getting less than what we say you need to get at least seven hours of sleep a night if you track it and you're getting less than that you'll be into what's called sleep debt and that works exactly like your bank account you put money into your bank account you go into credit okay that means you can spend more freely when you go into debt it means you owe and you've now got an overdraft and so everything that you take or spend is going to push you deeper into that overdraft you've got to catch up you've got to put more money into the bank you've got to put more sleep into the bank so that you get back into credit and have got more to play with because the reality is that we won't always

18:24 get seven hours sleep a night but could you get more could you top it up if you want to important point about this right as we start to get into the lifestyle choices that doesn't mean sleep in late at the weekends and like people some people love this yeah i love to sleep in the important thing to know about sleep is that it has a rhythm so when you mess with that rhythm it doesn't actually support you it is far better to get a consistent amount of sleep on a consistent basis rather than think oh i'll just catch up at the weekend

19:00 that's never been me and thankfully i'm with someone now joe and i we get up and we make the most of our mornings when i was a kid i was making lego with my dad at five o'clock in the morning when jago was a baby and he used to wake up early in the morning and we would watch cartoons build stuff i think he took his first steps with me in the kitchen one early one morning it was precious time but more than anything that's our natural rhythm that's when we get up so you've got to go to bed earlier right in order that you get the right amount of sleep and what we're talking about here in these rhythms is morning and evening routines i'm not going to go into this in too much detail because it should be bloody obvious but i will list these things so that you can have a look at at yourself and your life to realize i don't have

19:47 a routine when you say i don't have a routine what it really means is you've probably got a shit one because if you do something the same way every day then that is a routine an evening routine an afternoon routine looks like no caffeine after two o'clock maybe even earlier it looks like what sort of time you eat your evening meal which also means have you got the food in or are the kids sorted out so that your evening meal is at a routine time i don't mean set like we're flipping in prison and we've got to always eat at seven o'clock when the bell goes but some kind of rhythm which means that you're eating at a particular time which means that your evening downtime starts at a particular time because you want to be really getting into a relaxed state of being about 60 some people say 90 minutes right but i think that's a little bit

20:39 unrealistic but to be able to say at least an hour before bed you should be relaxing definitely at least an hour before bed your phone should be put down okay watch tv read a book have sex these are parts of your family connections your relationship connections that are vital as well to your sleep and well-being like a healthy sex life everybody wants that well i say everybody wants that pretty much most men want that and just so you know there are women out there who do want it i know of couples where the traditional she never wants it is the other way around it's actually he that doesn't want it again another subject you're probably talking about testosterone levels there you're talking about hrt and and women going through perimenopause and menopause

21:32 but having intimacy be part of your evening routine is important whether that's cuddling on the couch or or or letting that evolve into sex then bloody brilliant by the way particularly in long-term relationships plan for sex have as well as your date nights and times where you sit down and communicate about your relationship schedule sex in and not like eight o'clock get them off love like yes that's the night we do that that's the night we everything around our life for that day is geared towards the evening being that it's a we'll talk about sex again also in another episode but

22:12 having that as a as a planned event actually can be so much more positive than um you know getting into bed and giving her a nudge in the back hoping that that's going to turn her on like ask women about that it doesn't work okay um and then into that bedroom situation what what does your bedroom look like what kind of temperature what kind of light how new is the bed when did you last buy pillows what quality of sheets have you got like what setup are you creating would you walk around in a pair of shoes that were 10 years old and all wobbly on one side but that is some people's beds would you put on a jumper that

22:52 was 10 years old and all bobbly and uncomfortable no that's some people's sheets you've got to understand when was the last time you decorated your bedroom and then i think i want to say i want to say say say something about the middle of the night right when you wake up in the middle of the night the worst thing you can possibly do of course is reach for your phone you want to do something that keeps you at a low beta state like a low brain frequency state so some chilled music maybe maybe meditate um you know actually a change of

23:30 room can really work rather than laying there going i'm trying to get to sleep i'm trying to get to sleep i'm trying to get to sleep being relaxed is as close to sleep as you can get being stressed out about not sleeping isn't close to sleep so if your circadian rhythm you know if you're on an up point and you know that because you've tracked it you know that okay between 130 and 230 i'm generally on the up point of my circadian rhythm so that's why i'm probably awake okay now i understand it so i'm going to do something maybe read or meditate for 20 minutes half an hour an hour and then i'm going to probably be able to fall back asleep game changer and then morning routine

24:10 having a time you get up having stuff you do setting yourself targets and challenges the the the high value man morning routine inspired by multiple people how elrod's book is is bloody brilliant but you can go back before then and and look at earl nightingale zig zigla like the like the morning routine thing i dare say it's even in the bible right like what you do with your mornings matters how you get up drink water first thing you do pint of water water, some kind of journey, even if it's planning out your day. These are my goals for the days. This is my I am list. This is what I'm grateful for. Then some exercise. You know, we were doing the Super Seven Fitness Challenge in the High Value Man Project for November.

24:54 It's a 10-minute workout, seven body weight exercises, a minute each. You're done in 10 minutes. If you do that every day, you will end up strong. But more than anything, it kickstarts your whole body. Brings exercise, brings cortisol down, it puts spikes dopamine up, it tunes your prefrontal cortex into what you're doing. It's something positive. You're focused. So you see how the chemistry and the science of your body all come back into play here. Eating a decent breakfast, high protein, and then getting on with your day. Sleep is a process in life. It's something for you to manage effectively.

25:34 And when you manage it effectively, you will show up better, first and foremost, for yourself. More awake, more agile, more creative, more productive, more happy, more enthusiastic, more positive. Just more, more, more, more, more by being well rested. And then for the people around you, they get to experience you, as we call it, as your true self, as the best version of yourself, which means that they reflect that back on you. They're not shitty and snipy and aggro, tense, walking on eggshells. They're relaxed and happy and inspired and in love with you. So you get it reflected back on you. And that's what's so important about all the stuff we do inside the High Value Man Project: that when you show up as the best version of yourself, strong, confident, in control, it's reflected back on you.

26:26 Peace and the empathy, the connection, the results, the success, the productivity, the intimacy, the passion, the laughter, the joy, it's all reflected back on you. So if you think everyone's against you, if you think life's not working out, you think you're not able to be the person you want, it might just be because you're really bloody tired. Everything we do inside the High Value Man Project is geared around you waking up to this, waking up to yourself and creating the life that you desire rather than the one you feel stuck in. Highvalumanproject.com forward slash group will get you in there.

27:05 If you want to book a power call with me, you can book that as well. It's free to everybody who comes in and joins for the first time. Share this with other men in your life. Scribe and leave a subscribe and leave a review wherever you're listening or watching because that really helps us spread the message and help more men in the world thrive. I'll see you next time. Let's go. Thanks for tuning in to the Johnny Jensen show. Be sure to subscribe, leave a review and share it with fellow dads. Creating the life you deserve starts with you. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvalumanproject.com. Let's go.