Live With Power - Do What You Said You Would Do

00:00 Are you the kind of man that other people can count on? Are you the kind of man that can count on himself? Integrity is what comes down to. Integrity is the bedrock of commitment. It's not merely a moral guideline, though. It's a dynamic force that shapes your journey towards being a high-value man. Role theme. Welcome to the Johnny Jensen Show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches, relationships, and results they deserve. Get your high-value man blueprint and join our community at highvalue manproject.com.

00:40 Let's go. Integrity men, is your word your flipping rule? Can other people count on you? Can you count on yourself? This is a wonderful part of being a coach, being someone who's been coached. When I first got pushed on the subject of integrity, I thought it was unnecessary. I thought it was too much of a rule book. I thought I was someone who liked to play in between the lines, someone who liked to make the most of all opportunities.

01:22 And if you're being told that, oh, integrity, if you don't do what you're supposed to do, then you'll never get what you want. I kind of questioned that really. But as time went by, as I learned what it meant to be someone that other people can count on, to be someone who can count on himself, then I realized that integrity is so powerful. You know, when integrity's in, and credit to Sangeeta and various people at Landmark for the work that I was involved with back in the in the mid-2000s that really pushed this subject to the front of my mind, it's

02:02 it's a state of flow in your life where everything works because it's a momentum. It's moving forward in a way that has things fall into line, has opportunities create for other people, has people be able to count on you in your own life, in your diary, in your finances, in your commitments, where everything's handled, where there's no breakdowns, no forgotten, no missed opportunities. And of course they happen. You know, that wouldn't be real life.

02:38 It's not to say that real life doesn't get in the way. But as a habit, as a structure, the more you live in line with going to do what I said I'm going to do, the people I told I'd be there can count on me to be on time and to have all the things that I remembered, then life gets easier. Because when you're constantly rushing around, clearing up mess, clearing up things that didn't happen, then you've actually taken on more responsibilities. And at the same time, people have lost faith in you. And as that, as you experience that, then you start to lose faith in yourself. You know, they talk about it in sport, like a striker who's on a hot streak, he thinks that every time he gets the ball, it's going to go in.

03:18 If a striker is having a difficult time, then the doubt that creeps in when he goes to take that shot is more likely going to lead to him hitting it, flipping on the wrong side of his boot or hitting it too hard and it going over. That's integrity in action. And the likelihood for someone like that is that they probably haven't been going to practice enough or they weren't eating the right thing or perhaps their fitness workout routine, their weight or whatever the structure they've been given by their coach, by what they knew themselves they should be doing. If it wasn't in, then that's where that doubt creeps in.

04:00 And let alone when someone asks you and then you have to say, oh, no, well, yeah, but well, no, I did. I mean, I tried. I mean, well, no, what happened was I went to do it and then this happened and then, you know, it wasn't my fault. And you can see how just in that little, you know, wave of excuses and mini snippets that it's always about something else. It's always about something that was a negative, like it didn't happen or it went wrong or there's nothing positive about it. So it can occur to you like, oh, it's all, you know, made up nonsense. It's got nothing to do with me. It's all other people. But it's, it's the little messages that crop up for yourself.

04:39 It's the signposts, the doubts, the insecurities that have you when you go to kick that ball or take the shot that it goes wide. So it creeps up on us, right? If you have a plan for your life, if you've got a clear destination of where you're headed, then. then what you know you need to do should start to fall into place i you know to a certain degree it should be obvious and if it's not obvious then you go and look at it you go and work out what i should be doing who i could be asking what plan i could be putting in place what actions i could be taking that's how you create a plan

05:19 that's consistent with your vision and goals The integrity part then comes down to the commitment of doing it day in, day out. And that's not always easy. But it gets easier when the vision that you're headed towards is crystal clear. Like who you are and what you stand for is creating X. And if who you are and what you stand for is creating X, then all your actions behind that should be consistent with it. What time you wake up, what time you eat, how you treat other people. And sometimes it won't look obvious. Like there won't be an instant connection. A connects to B.

06:02 It might be that you have to do A in order to create connection, LMNOP, whichever one it might be, let alone Z, or Z for our Sesame Street watching neighbors. That becomes your compass, your commitment on a day-to-day level. Am I living in line with my values and commitments? Are my actions aligned with my visions and goals? Are my actions meeting the expectations of my commitments and relationships? Like, can other people count on me? Can I count on myself? But here's the thing about it, right? Integrity doesn't just affect yourself. It affects those around you.

06:45 When I was on a leadership program, this was where the subject of integrity really got hit home to me most. Because how I started off was it's not relevant for me. It doesn't apply to me. Like what you're talking about, it's got nothing to do with the success that I'm creating. It's got nothing to do with the results that are possible for me out there. Like these two things aren't going to like I'm just having a good time here. It's got nothing to do with like this weird woo-woo, you know, stuff in the universe that's going to be happening to me, like bad lucky, like karma. If I don't, if I do this, then I can't have that. I couldn't see the connection between it.

07:31 But then, and here's a telling one on myself, basically. I was getting a coffee with a friend. Now, I hadn't known her that long, but we were friends, right? We were on the program together. We knew each other from Brighton had known each other about a year. And we were getting a coffee. The coffee place was a Victoria station. So it was busy, right? There was like five, six people at the counter, lots going on. And so the woman gives me my coffee. We do the transaction. And in a kind of a switcheroo situation,

08:10 I put some biscuits down and paid at the same time. So it definitely didn't look like I stole them, but it definitely wasn't a case of me paying for them, right? Which clearly means that it was the first one, yeah. So away we go. And so then she goes, you didn't pay for those, those cookies, did you? I was like, no, no. And then she goes, well, that just isn't right at all. And it impacted our friendship instantly. Not something I'm proud of, but as a lesson, as an experience, it really hit home to me this subject of integrity and the ripple effect of it.

08:55 Because who we are in the world matters. Her experience of me and her respect for me shifted our friendship indeed, shifted in the split second that that happened because it had no integrity. I then was left with that really raw awareness of how it had changed our friendship in that moment. And I started to look back at all the other things that I'd done in my life that were on the dodgy, in the gray area. That is the ripple effect of integrity. For some people, it could be as basic as your mobile phone and you're having text conversations with someone, maybe having an affair, or maybe you're gambling, or you're doing something that is inconsistent with the life that you said you're creating with your wife or partner.

09:46 If you have a reaction every time someone reaches for your phone, because they're just trying to get directions because they're... they're a passenger in your car and you're driving and you have a freak out because there's something on your phone that you don't want them to see, then consider that that has no integrity. That is not consistent with what you said you stood for in terms of that relationship with that person because there's no trust, there's no freedom. And so that is an out of integrity. Your relationship with that person is affected because they probably experience, whoa, that was weird. All I did was try and put on Google Maps and you had some kind of mini freak out. What's that about?

10:30 And so then unless you deal with that in the moment that it happens or shortly after, every interaction with that person now becomes something about that level of distrust, that weird moment, that packet of cookies you didn't pay for. And you can imagine that the exact opposite happens. When you are someone who can be counted on, someone who's showing up in the world without any of that kind of baggage, you're like rich, not rich financially, but just there's a richness to you. There's a freedom about you. There's a clarity and charisma about you, which is, hey, I'm here. What are we up to? Then that has the opposite effect. You're creating harmonious relationships.

11:13 That is high value. And please, as you're listening to this, right, don't get the idea that I'm telling you you have to be some goody two-shoes. Your integrity is your integrity. Like whatever you're up to, if in the circle of people you operate in the moral compass of yourself and the relationships that you have and the agreements that you have with those people are that those actions are okay, then feel your boots. It doesn't mean that they might sit consistently with me. But if they're okay with you, if you're able to show up as your true self, if you're able to create the life that you desire free from nothing, free from no things stinking the place out, then good on you.

12:02 You are arguably living consistent with the life you said you're creating and in line with your own values and goals. So know where you're at and what you're creating and let your own integrity be your guide. And if you're not sure, ask the people around you. Okay? So what's the cost of compromised integrity? A bit like the example of the police car going by and knowing that you've got this like, oh shit, I hope they don't come and arrest me. That's the cost of a compromise integrity. It is that relationship with a person who you didn't want to see your phone reacts to it, but it's more about what's it like for you.

12:45 It's a self-doubt and erosion of confidence. It's strained relationships and lost opportunities. And by lost opportunities, you might think, you might consider someone who has full trust and faith in you saying, oh yeah, come with me on this round the world trip or take this business introduction as an opportunity to go and create a deal with this with this friend of mine. Or let's go out on a date because they know that you're an awesome guy they can count on. Like that's the impact on relationships and opportunities. And the final part of the cost of compromise integrity is that it attracts other negativity.

13:24 It puts you in a space of doubt and confusion, which naturally opens up doubt and confusion in other people, which instead of moving in a flow state of everything working for you, it's now like, it's now messy. It's confused. There's more doubt in the air. You can be sure that if you are a manager who turns up for his own meeting late on a number of occasions, guess what? Everybody else who was previously getting to that meeting on time is now going to think, well, he's never on time, so I won't be on time. You can see how that out of integrity starts to ripple out across other people.

14:01 So how do we fix this? The most important part of doing what you said you would do, of living in integrity, of being a committed person, is to be able to slow down time and catch yourself. In the moment that decisions are being made, in the moment that choices are available to us, you want to be able to check that like a checklist against, is this consistent with what I said I'm up to? Is this consistent with what other people can count on me for or expect me for? And that becomes like a superpower. When you can slow down time like that and catch yourself in the moment and realize, let's just say prep sups in the morning, you know, part of the high value man project, a commitment to fitness and well-being.

14:50 Doing 25 press-ups and 25 sit-ups on those days where you've got a lot else, a lot of other stuff going on, is you honoring that commitment. At some point during that day, you will be faced with other challenges. And knowing that, yes, I got down and did that workout this morning. That's who I am. That's who I say I am. So when someone says to you, Can I count on you? you're able to say yeah you can count on me I know you can count on me because I can count on myself it's immediate accountability so if you have a doubt about being able to do something if you have a doubt about yourself have a look at why that is where else in your life if you're asked to you know if you if you're asked about doing something and you can't confidently say yes I can definitely do that where's that doubt coming from because

15:41 when people talk to you and ask you stuff like that they want to be able to to get a response back that gives them trust and confidence I check I uh I'm a bugger for saying yes to things without checking my diary and I have to consciously catch myself and I say oh yeah I can definitely do that no no I can't do that I haven't even looked at my diary yet hang on give me a moment open diary look at diary check diary far from that creating uncertainty and distrust in the person it should give them a greater sense that you have it all handled and are in control of yourself and the project in hand that's integrity that's commitment to the task in hand

16:25 when you're doing actions like that you can then let's say it's like the end of the week part of the high value man lifestyle tracker is to reward and acknowledge yourself to make time for yourself when you review your week and you're doing that you can look back at those moments and go yes i made an adjustment here i operated like this and i got the result that is teaching your brain that is programming into your brain the power of living with integrity the power of doing what you said you would do and then the final part of these practical steps is celebrating it your brain is geared towards rewarding positive outcomes it's something that gambling companies and and and gaming companies thrive off of right they give us these mini rewards which makes us

17:17 buzz off of it which gives us a dopamine hit which makes us play longer or makes us gamble again right you can hack that and use it to your own advantage by simply acknowledging and celebrating your success in maintaining your commitments which is a long-winded way of saying celebrate your wins if you made a plan for the day and you put 20 things on it well that doesn't have much integrity because you could never complete 20 big things in the day if you make a plan and it's got three jobs three actions three tasks for the day and you get to the end of the day and you've done three of them successfully then acknowledge that celebrate those

17:57 wins if there's one that didn't get done rather than being like oh god oh terrible me you just need to clear it up what didn't get done who does it impact what did you need to shape it ready for action tomorrow that has integrity so it's it's it is about rewarding and celebrating the results that you got and it's also about handling what didn't get done in a powerful way why because that has integrity because you're consistent then with the actions and values that you set for yourself so that other people around you know oh i can count on him he's totally got this handled if he says it's going to get done then i know it will do or i won't i know i won't get left exposed on this

18:42 which for me there's a phrase which i use regularly around my own mantras and affirmations is around me everything works now that is basically integrity as a baseline i don't know that that's the case and i do know that i dropped the ball loads of times but because i have actions in place to catch me to help me to support me i'm able to say yes this is what happened there this was the breakdown in the system this is the adjustment i've made it around me everything works and when it breaks i handle it so that it works that is how you set integrity as your baseline it's a lifestyle it's a commitment to being true to your word it's about embodying the principles you believe in not for external validation but because it's a true