How to Give Your Woman Massive Orgasms feat Dr. Steve Bodansky

00:00 Men, would you like your wife or girlfriend to be begging you for more sex? And I'm guessing you would because we all would. And no, it's not about lasting longer, doing more dishes or like helping out more, right? Or about a six-pack. It's about learning her body, building real intimacy, and giving her the kind of orgasm that makes her feel seeing, safe, and turned on like fuck. Today I'm joined by a man who changed my life in this area, Dr. Steve Bodansky. We're diving into the skill of orgasm, the truth about intimacy, and why every man needs to master the clitoris. I picked up a copy of Steve's legendary book, Extended Massive Orgasm, back in 2001.

00:41 And not only has it given me more confidence in the bedroom, I'm pretty sure my girlfriends since that time have appreciated it. Steve is a sensuality coach, author of over a dozen books, and one of the few people on the planet who has spent decades literally studying and teaching the female orgasm. This episode is honest, practical, and probably unlike any other sex conversation you've heard before. Let's go. Welcome to the Johnny Jensen Show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches, relationships, and results they deserve. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community at highvalumanproject.com. Let's go. Hello, Steve. Absolute pleasure to have you here on the Johnny Jensen show.

01:22 You are coming to us all the way from California. And as I said in my intro, someone who's influenced my life significantly. A while back, I was listening to Russell Brunson's book on creating your sort of top 100, the people you'd like to have on as guests. And you were on that list and you responded. So it's an absolute pleasure to have you here. Thank you. Pleasure is my favorite word. Here we go. Good. Just by way of an introduction, I mentioned in the pre-roll how many books you've written and this book in particular, Extended Massive Orgasm, you wrote with your wife and co-author who is dearly departed right now.

02:08 Before we get stuck into the more useful info about the contents of that book and intimacy and relationships, I'd love to know a little bit about how that book came about. And has it been as significant a book as you hoped it would be? I mean, it's been obviously over 20 years now since it was first published. And of course, your loving wife who left you departed last year. Yeah, it was her appetite. I didn't like writing. I wrote like poetry and little short essays once in a while.

02:45 She told me my writing was really good. But I was like a science major. And my handwriting is bad, so I couldn't read anything I wrote anyhow. So I couldn't, you know. And then the computer came along and I had no more excuses. And she said, well, I want you to write a book. So she wants you to start writing. So I started writing about our lives, mostly about her life and about we lived in this commune called Moorehouse, which became a university, Moore University for a while in California, and where we learned a lot of this information, the background to it. And then, I don't know, I put that, I don't know why I didn't finish it, but I wrote a bunch about her.

03:30 And I started writing a book about our teaching. We weren't going to publish or anything just for our own. So we become better teachers, just have the information expanded and understood better. So I wrote for our own benefit. And it came out so good that we said, yeah, let's send it to a publisher. And I was naive. I didn't know anything about publishers, but the first publisher we sent it to said, yes. They even gave us an advance. It's not a big advance, but a small advance. Then they started, at least the editing. So they edited it. And then we, that took a while. And then they sent it back. We sent it back to them. And then they, a different editor takes over and they put back the stuff that we originally took out.

04:14 So it was kind of confusing. But originally it was called The Art of Cliteral Stimulation or The Art of Sensuality. That was our working title. Right. And we were doing this course of a one-hour orgasm, intense orgasm, and where I would stimulate Dura's genitals in my hands in front of a class. They would ask questions and I would answer and she could answer questions too. And while she's coming, so it was pretty, she's multitasking there. And so anyhow, we call the course the demo course. And the demo was the acronym for a demonstration of an extended massive orgasm.

04:59 So we included some of that in the book, and the publisher said that's a better name. That's called Extended Massive Orgasm. So that's how the book became, the name of the book became. And it was a lot about the information that we had learned and the information that we had developed after we left the commune. And the book did so well because of publicity, which happened like coincidentally, because Vera had done this talk at some women's conference in New York. We were doing some classes in New York at the time. And there was a journalist there who wanted to put her Vera's story about the one-hour orgasm in the New Yorker magazine back in 1998, maybe 1999.

05:44 Yeah. And the New Yorker says, we like this story, but it's a little too racy for this month, maybe next month. I kept postponing it, postponing it for over a year. Finally, she submitted it to this magazine called Talk Magazine. I think Tina Brown started it, was a famous publisher of magazines. Not only lasted two years, but it was a really good magazine, and they accepted it. And the article came in this exact same time when the book came out. So we were inundated from all over the world with, you know, interviews in Germany, England, France, South Africa, Australia, Canada. The publishers sold the rights to different, even to Ransom House in England and

06:30 France and Germany and ethnic Romania and Brazil, Portuguese is written in some, I think, Taiwanese is in Chinese. So the book did really well. So right away they said, we want you to start doing a second book. And I said, we'll put all the information we know in the first book. I don't know what to write. Maybe we'll do a QA. You know, we'll have people ask those questions and we'll just answer those. And he said, that's a good idea, but we want a little more. So I came up with the idea of let's do an illustrated guide to extended massive orgasm. Put like illustrations. You can't do like photographs, I guess, for legal reasons. Yeah, yeah. But we've got this really great artist, and he drew all these really nice drawings of the things.

07:14 And he wrote different information, actually, some similar, but a lot, a lot more about male orgasm, too. And that book did really well too. They didn't have the same publicity, but it still did really well on Amazon. Yeah. I'll have to pick that one up as well. Oh, yeah, you should check that one out. Yeah. Yeah. Otherwise, I published 18 books now. Congratulations. That's good for me. Yeah. Four novels, five novels, poetry books, memoirs about myself and Vera. Then she got Alzheimer's and taking care of her. And then the last book I published was called Neverending Love.

07:53 So it's the last few years with her, but she's still having some orgasm until like the last two or three years when she's like, you know, she's this, she wasn't up to orgasm, but she still actually had orgasm, but she wasn't like, I wasn't stimulating her journals and what we were kissing and hugging and she would get off the mic on a hug because she was like really orgasmic. Yeah, beautiful. It was easy for me. Well, and that's, you know, that's a perfect segue into this topic because so many men, you know, and couples even, you know, around the subject of female orgasms perhaps aren't quite so good at that, quite aren't quite so tapped into, you know, how that is easily accessed and becomes part of their love making.

08:38 Well, most people don't know about it. How to do it, you know. And that's what that's what I want to sort of. I mean, there's more, there's more information now than when I started in the 70s. Still, of all the books I've read on sex, the Extended Massive Orgasm is one of the most impactful, without doubt. It's very descriptive and it tells you what to do. Yes. It really is a guide in that respect. And that's what I think so many men need. So, you know, let's talk a little bit about... I mean, some guys don't like to read, or women don't get quite get it from the book. So they want to come see us, me back then. I actually have a friend who helps me out.

09:20 So I still see clients who want personal instruction, but that's optional. Yeah, it's an important little, I mentioned that at the beginning, rather than always people wait till the end. People can go to your website now, the extendedmassiveorgasm.com is the website. Yeah. And there's loads of links to all your other books there and all the all the demos and the video courses and the one hour, one hour extended massive orgasm. But let's dig into this, right? So why do men get this so? so wrong? You know, most men are taught about real sex. Most men you just said about don't read about it. We watch porn. We fumble around in the stuff.

10:03 There's very few places to learn. And guys want to think they know it all too. They don't want to say, you know, think they don't know. So they won't ask questions. They won't try to find out about it. And women, a lot of women don't know or won't tell the guy. And he's not asking her. And our bodies are different. Yeah. So in your experience of working with people, is it literally the fact that a lot of men don't know where the clitoris is or don't know how to find it or don't know what to do with it? When I first got married, I didn't even heard of the word clitoris. It was 1970. So I think most people probably know about the clitoris now. Because of the rabbit.

10:45 The rabbits helped get awareness of it being there, I suppose. But they don't know exactly how to expose it, how to get it from under the hood. There's this specific techniques that make it more productive. Yeah, make it stick out, make it visible. Like it's in the book, yeah. And so, and I, you know, obviously a men's approach to sex is very different to women. And then for and for a lot of couples, that's part of the problem is that the man is not understanding what the woman needs. Is that right? What can you say? Well, I think everybody's different. You can't put everybody in the same ballpark, but

11:27 generally, I would say, you know, men think like a woman's vagina is equal to his penis. So if he's getting off when fucky, she should be getting off, you know, having intercourse too. Right. Yeah. Okay. I don't know if I can use the word fucky. Is that okay? No, we're fine. We're going to, we can, we can sweat. We can have to, really. So anyhow, yeah, I mean, there's very few nerve endings inside the woman's vagina. And I would say, I would say less than half of women, probably quite a bit less, orgasm or have good orgasms with intercourse. Yeah, so the guy could be pumping away and flipping, thinking she's loving it.

12:07 And actually, it's just really his pleasure that's happening there. Yeah, it's like batting his testicles back and forth. It's like, it's not, it's not the same thing. Now, if you can involve her, get her like really engorged and turned on and orgasmic before he sticks it in, then she'll enjoy it more because it'll be, it'll be engorged, more likely will be contact with his body when he's touching her, or there's different positions where she can get on top. But I'm not like an I'm not an intercourse expert. I'm a manual stimulation expert. That's a good title to have, yeah.

12:47 My name's Steve. I'm a manual, what did you say? Manual stimulation expert. Yeah, nice. The MSE, the Don of the MSEs, yeah. And so listen, for everybody listening, right, what we're going to do is we're going to make you wait till later on in the podcast. You can jump ahead if you really feel the need, but we're going to, as we get towards the end of it, we're going to go into the kind of some of the more practical actions here. But I feel it's really important to bring up sort of at the start. So it's just like a stepping stone to that point, some of the elements of relationships and sex that actually get in the way of this.

13:26 And as, you know, intimacy, I put right at the front there, particularly as sex becomes boring or less frequent. You know, and I know from the men that I work with inside high-value men, so many men are frustrated about the lack of sex in their relationship. And then it creates all sorts of other problems, frustrations and communication goes out the window. So you're even further away from that outcome. You know, in all your work you've done, and you've just said you're not an expert, it's some of these other things, but you have worked with lots of couples. Is intimacy, you know, part of the problem, or is it where the problem starts? Or

14:06 is it how the couples address that? It's probably a lack of communication in general. And I mean, if he doesn't know how to pleasure her, why would she want to be, you know, it's not fun, you know? Yeah. You know, and I mean, I'm really into self-pleasuring and learning how I like to be touched or teaching women to touch themselves to learn how they like to be touched and communicating it to the man. Yeah. So that's that's that's a really fascinating sort of aspect of this is people who are struggling to enjoy sex, if they've not spent much time with themselves, so to speak, if they don't know how to pleasure themselves and then they don't communicate well in the relationship.

14:49 relationship, then there's already a big gap, a big sort of barrier to overcome before we can get to a real sexual intimacy between each other. Right. And like my girlfriend does podcast too, and she interviewed me. Okay. And I just finished a short storybook. It was titled Boy Meets Girl. It was all about these stories of boy, you know, men meeting women or women meeting men. And, you know, and she asked me, so what is what are the major ways to relate and to increase the relationship? And I say, well, playfulness is really good.

15:35 Attention and revealing, revealing who you are and revealing your desires and noticing and noticing like how your attention, how your playfulness and how you're revealing is landing. So no, it's not landing well. Maybe you should try a different tactic, you know, a different, not be so playful, not be so revealing. And so she said, ah, porn. She called it parn, porn, not porn. Right. Okay. So, and she wants to, so we started in relationship coaching together. And we call it like the porn method. It started from that little interview about the book.

16:16 Yeah. Okay. So that was kind of cute. So, anyhow, I think it's important to be playful, to be curious, and you know, and to communicate, you know, what's going on with you and to find out about the other person. So, like, at all times, like, so like bringing an attitude of playfulness to the relationship. Yeah. Out of the bedroom, in the bedroom, wherever, you know. Yeah. I see so many couples being serious with each other. They're just, they're in the business of life. They're just getting on with stuff. They're doing the shopping. They're sorting out the kids. They're in their routine. It just seems, doesn't seem to make sense. Like, if you, if you've got a pet, you've got to nurture it, feed it, walk it.

16:56 You've got to look after the pet. If you don't clean your house, your house ends up in dust. If you don't wash the plants, the plant dies. Like a relationship, the intimacy, the connection, the joy should be something that we tend to and give love and attention to in the same way. It just baffles me, really. Yeah. And you're not going to be like up all the time, but you know, you can. Of course. But by communicating, even when you're down, you feel better. The person listens, like if I she'll say something and you know something where she's not, something's not going quite right. And I want to give advice right away.

17:37 All she wants really actually is just for me to listen. Women really don't want guys to fix them every time. They just want you to listen to them. And guys are guys, guys are production junkies. We want to like fix things right away and get things going, you know. Yeah, move on. Come on. All she wants to do is she just wants to talk and you know, and just now for you to listen. So that's so important for men to realize that when your woman is saying something. So I got taught this is a really powerful line. Do you want me to listen or would you like me to help fix this? Because I'm happy to do both right now. And she's like, oh my God, yeah, I'd really just like you to listen and then give me a hug at the end of it.

18:21 Okay, perfect. Yeah, I've got you. Yeah, women love that. Put your phone away while she does it. Otherwise, it'll ruin the whole moment. Yeah. So, yeah, I see people in restaurants. He's looking at his phone and she's looking at her phone. You know, it's like, oh man, I just want to go. Are they talking to each other with the phones? I know. I just want to go up and take their phones off them when I see that. Okay, so moving on to sort of the next point here, you mentioned it yourself about knowing your own body in order for you to be able to communicate what you like, right? For a man to know a woman's body, you know, I've got some of my some of my notes here. And, you know, you can't give what you don't understand. Many men treat women's bodies like their own or worse, like a mystery. Okay, so

19:05 when your book's great because it literally illustrates some of these things that we don't know about. But what is it that most men don't know about female anatomy? Well, as I said, like the vagina isn't the penis, it's the clitoris and attention, the focus is on the clitoris and you're not diving, don't be a clitoris diver. You want to like, you know, kind of want her to like beg you to touch it. So you want to start, you know, from the extremities, you know, women love most women, and I say women generally love to be kissed and neck and held and

19:43 romanticized. romanticized. And the more that the guy can be romantic with her, the more animal she becomes, the more animalistic she becomes actually. So actually, guys really want to be romantic, and women really want to be animals. And we have to like play the roles in order to get each of us. So Disney hasn't helped us there. The more animalistic and more romantic you'll be, I become anyhow. Yeah. You know, and the more romantic I become, the more animalistic she becomes. So, you know, it kind of works hand in hand. Right. Okay. And romantic, just putting your attention on her listener, and that could be romantic.

20:27 So she likes romance, yeah. Well, she uses romance in order to like open up. Okay. So she really likes being animal. Okay. Yeah. So we're going to, that's what that's what you're trying to release. Yeah. So there's a gen, so there's, there's more to the body, basically. So we're, you know, it's not just the classic sort of get into bed and stroke her back and hope that she realizes that's you wanting sex, basically. Yeah, it's also like in my few of my books, I talk about connections where you can connect different parts of your body to your like to your genitals. Right. A woman can connect her nipples or her lips, and a man can connect his lips or his belly, what different parts of your body.

21:08 And there's a specific exercise where you can practice doing that. And that, so then when you touch, like so when my lips are so like connected to my genitals, so when I'm kissing, I usually get turned on and engorged just kissing. Yeah. And that's a quite naturally, that's a case of asking someone what's they like, whether they like to be, you know, stroked down their side, whether it's when you notice a response from them when you're stroking their leg or their inside of their leg. And like you said, it's not just diving straight in, you're creating. Women love to be complimented. They love flattery. You can tell a guy, you know, wow, you're so handsome.

21:47 Okay, once it's enough, you know, I love your haircut. Yeah. But you tell women, like, I love your hair. You know, that outfit is so that's so great in that outfit, like, you know, that color on you. You know, the more you can do about that, the more she'll open up too. Yeah. So, and this is what I've seen you reference this in other interviews. You know, there's a, the, the, there's not just foreplay. Obviously, there's the play, then there's foreplay, and then there's arousal. And so it's, it is, you know, it is a whole thing's the whole thing is arousal. Yeah. Yeah. In other words, foreplay, you know, what do you mean before you play? That's like a silly word, really. It's all play, and then it's all arousal. Yeah, okay, right. So

22:33 in terms of, you know, being in bed with someone, creating this sexual occasion, right? This, this moment, the female orgasm is very different to the male orgasm. And I think that men need to understand that. And I would like to think that a lot of men do, but they, it's, it's, I think, from some of the things that I've heard you say, a lot of men don't really understand that. What can you do? They're similar in a lot of ways, too. They can be, but like women, what do women see for other women orgasm? And they see, like, you know, Meg Ryan in some movie going, oh, oh, you know, but they don't really know what,

23:16 you know, unless they felt it themselves. You haven't seen other women have an orgasm, but they've seen probably guys squirting. And so they're trying to imitate guys. So they want to, a lot of women want to squirt, a lot of, you know, and not that it's not bad to squirt, but it shouldn't be the goal. The goal is really to have pleasure now in the moment. And yeah, so I think with both men and women, you know, there's ways to make it better. And one of the things is to relax, relax your body, not tense it up. Okay. But men usually just masturbate just to release the tension so they can go on with their day.

23:59 You know, it's pleasurable for a few seconds. Girls to call it the crotch sneeze. Right. Okay. Yeah. I've heard you say that. Yeah. Yeah. So that's, so that's that for men. And I can relate to that. It's very much about attention. And women, and women have that too. They kind of like fence up and they get all the, they climax and they don't want to be touched anymore. They've had enough. Yeah. But in terms of a woman's experience, when she's obviously people like having orgasms, they're a pleasant experience. But for a man to understand that it's, is it different for a woman or the experience that they're hoping to have?

24:38 Or, you know, is that side of it? it different? Or is because when you get down to business, um, a female, you know, a woman's orgasm generally takes longer to arrive at than it does. That's true in general, but not true if you're trained. Okay, because the women that I've was like Gira and the women who are some of the women who taught and some of the women that I taught with they get off before being touched, even they're just just the thought of being touched, they start having an orgasm, and that's possible for anybody, right?

25:19 Okay, so but in general, a lot of women like you know, like you know, like I said, slow and you know, you got to start from here and you know, start from the outside and work your way, and you know, and um and she's not going to be feeling as much, you know, it's just but but if you train your body by self-pleasuring and teaching your partner how to touch you, you can really have like we call that that's why I call it an extended orgasm, extended massive work. Let's say it's this extended orgasm, it means it starts from the first stroke and it continues getting better and better.

26:01 But it's extended, and the way you extend it is by relaxing your body, putting your attention on your genitals, feeling as much as you can, and communicating what you're feeling in easy ways. You don't want to have to think about it too hard, acknowledging the pleasure you're feeling. And that person touching you once, you know, in the beginning, like you want to like train with each train each other to touch you the way you want to be touched. You ask questions, you like it faster, like slower, a question that they can answer. Yes, no, you don't want to think too hard. If you start thinking, they're not going to be feeling anymore.

26:41 But a lot of couples might feel uncomfortable. This is weird, right? Because it's never spoken about. But so a lot of companies, a lot of couples would think that the other person wouldn't want to talk about it during the thing. But they're probably thinking the same thing. So I guess you're encouraging couples to say, both of you probably want the other to say this is good. Carry on. This is good. Do it harder. This is good. Do it slower. Like, so both of them want to say it, but none of us do say it. So I guess you're going to say yes, definitely, definitely do that, right? Yeah, like all my most of my novels, I have sex scenes, you know. Right. And they're always, and then they're behaving the way I'd want a good sex

27:22 scene to go. They're acknowledging the good. He's saying what he's doing. They talk a little nasty. But people like that are taught or not taught. People don't communicate in bed. A lot of people just turn the lights off and do it in the dark. They don't even see what they're doing. I hate that. I hate it in the dark. I hate it in the dark. And not like I want flipping spotlights on the room, you know what I mean? But a little bit of light so you can see each other and feel each other and see how each other's responding. And yeah, if you get your hands on people to see her clitoris and see it and gorge and let her know what's happening, it's turning pinker or more purple or it's engorging, it's getting bulbous.

28:04 You know, there's some ejaculate coming out of your genitals now. Yeah. So that's all turn on kind of stuff. But people like are conditioned not to talk about sex. You know, the guy's supposed to know what he's doing. And, you know, I'm supposed to be a sex hero. And most guys aren't, as you say. Yeah, which makes it even harder. So, so, okay, so we're talking about playfulness in and out of the bedroom. We're talking about communication. Okay, so with these are kind of of all, you'd like to think they're kind of obvious, but clearly they're not so much. Yeah, so let me go back. Go on. So like my girlfriend, like, you know, she's kind of new to this, to this

28:47 orgasm, the way that I've learned it, the way I teach it. And so in the way that we do it is one person is like the what do you call it, the effect person. They're the one who receives the pleasure, the receiver of the pleasure. And the other person has the role of producer or giver of the pleasure or cause person, you call it. Yeah. And so each has a specific role. It makes it easier to have an orgasm when you're not having to worry about feeling and then also doing at the same time.

29:23 Okay, I got it. Yeah. So so that there's specific positions. Now, she's not yelling, my girlfriend's not used to the exact positions, but so I'll do it in a different way. different way. I won't quite get in the position, but I'll do it from like, you know, she likes to be looked at in the face and hugged at the same time. You know, have our legs wrapped around each other. But I'm still like, because I know exactly what I'm feeling, I don't have to actually see it all the time. Yeah. I think it's really good for men and women who don't know what they're doing as much to really get a good visual of it while they're doing it at first. Yeah, so lights on, definitely lights on, right? Definitely. So you guys can wear like those minors' hats, you know,

30:06 but even though this is kind of funny, right? To bring this level of playfulness to the subject of sex is what's missing for so many couples to be able to have some fun with it, to be able to say, we're going to do it. Do you want to do some stuff that feels really great and allows us to explore each other's bodies and allows us to have extended fashive orgasms? That's not like, would you like to lose a finger? Like, would you like to lose a kidney? Like, this is not a tough subject. Like, it should be very, it should be an easy yes. Yeah. Well, if you, yeah, if the guy knows what he's doing and he's confident about it, the woman can surrender to that. But if he's like, you know, doesn't know what he's doing, she can, it's obvious. Then that's really uncomfortable for her because she's laying there thinking, I need him to stop, basically. Yeah, this, this hurts. Yeah. I'm telling him, it hurts, you know.

30:49 Yeah. Okay. And again, that comes back to the woman and man being confident of knowing how they like to. Learn your craft. I tell guys to learn your craft. Yeah. Okay. Let's get into the, you know, the sort of the bit that people are probably waiting for really sticks. I know, no, you need to read the book, right? You need to, and to touch on that point that you said about some guys don't like reading, right? This isn't like a 2000 page, it's not a 2,000-page book. Oh, you made a video now. Okay, great. So yeah, it's quite a few because it's veer back, you know, heyday, you know. Yeah. Or almost heyday. So it's not, it's not a new video, but it's, you know, we made it into a link that people can download.

31:31 Yeah. And it really shows her an orgasm for, you know, and what I'm doing actually with my fingers. So you're kind of an excuse to say, I don't like to read. No excuses. Men, there are no excuses here. Women, you should be really happy about this. The illustrated guide also has a lot of illustrations. So you can just look at the pictures. Yeah. Okay. So let's, but in the in the in the interest of it being a podcast and us giving, so giving people what they want here, if you said about this can be taught. I've heard you say another podcast. This is this is a skill. This is a taught. Yeah, it's not rocket science, but it's not like, you know,

32:13 cartoon. You know, it's not, it's not simple either. It's practice. Yeah, it's a skill. Yeah. Yeah. So where do we start? Like, you know, you've talked about that erogenous zones and we'll build building the tension. These are things that you'd like to think that all men know about here. But then we're getting into the subject of extended massive orgasms and finding the clitoris and knowing what to do, basically. What can you share about this, you know, this subject? And maybe it's, we're getting ahead of ourselves here. I mean, we'd love for people to get to the extended massive orgasm part, but just some, what can you say about clitoral stimulation? What can you say about men understanding that area, really, you know, actually having some confidence around this subject?

32:57 Yeah, I mean, the clitoris has a lot of has more nerve in your head of your penis. So it's there for its only function is pleasure. It's a beautiful thing. It's like champagne. It's just there to be enjoyed. Mama Junius used to say, like, a penis is like a multi-tool. You pee through it. Ejaculate comes through it, you know, and it's also there for pleasure. The only function of a clitoris is pleasure. So also a lot of, everybody has a different kind of clitoris, different size clitoris.

33:36 The hoods are different. It's not like a one-size-fits-all. It's like you have to learn the individual. Some women don't like to be touched on the clitoris directly right away. Yeah. So that's something that you can overcome. But it seems like 10% of the women that we come across have a fear of being touched on the clitoris. Right. And is that partly because they haven't really touched it themselves very much? Or is there some other sort of trauma? I'm not sure. There's probably all kinds of reasons. It could be some psychological reasons. It could be that it's very sensitive and they touch, don't touch you with the right lubricant. You know, they're touching you too fast. They're trying to imitate a guy. There's all kinds of reasons. So you have to approach it slowly with some people.

34:21 And some people like, you know, take to it a little faster than others. Yeah. I mean, you know, that's a really valid, more than valid is a vital point. This book, this book. book is for men and women. It's not, you know, it's a single woman could get a lot of value out of this book. Oh, yeah. Yeah, even lesbians. Yeah, well, definitely lesbians. I mean, a gay couple, you know, two gay guys are not going to get much value out of this book, probably. Well, an illustrated guy, they might get a little bit out of it. Yeah, okay, right. So, but that's a kind of, do you know what? That's for basics of people. So the clitoris is at the, is it the what you described? It's at the top of the sort of the vagina area, right? And it is under a hood. So there is some level of revealing it. Some women like have hoods that don't, you can't get

35:07 they're kind of stuck to the clitoris. Some women don't have hardly any hoods at all. The clitors are just exposed. I mean, I've seen all kinds of people. Yeah. So for a man that doesn't really understand this, there's, is there, you know, what's he going to do to explore that, you know, this point? Is it there? Is it not there? Is it covered up? Is it not covered up? What would you say? He's got to explore it. He's got to be curious and explore, you know, and use good lighting and play around. And that's a good light. Touch it, but like spread her labia and pull up on, you know, if you read there's different ways to pull up in the hood to expose the clitoris. You want to get, you know, to see the clitoris at least before you touch it.

35:47 Right. Yeah. Yeah. And obviously some lubricant as well involved in that. I mean, I, I, this is, I got this from your book, right? You know, the techniques on how to use different fingers to move different parts and reveal things. I mean, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's incredible book, right? So that's for men that don't know this, that's that's in the book, but here we are hoping to explain it a little bit better. And with the communication, then you'd hope that your girlfriend, your wife would be you know involved in the conversation, helping guide you. You've got some light on, you're using some lubricant. Um, what happens? Yeah, yeah, yeah, and be seductive.

36:27 Seductive means you make an offer, and if they come towards you, then that then you can go further. If they, if they start backing off, then you got to cut, you got to back off a little further than they backed off. Yeah, like read the room, basically. Except a way of playing with somebody's, yeah. Yeah, so if they're if they're moving their pelvis towards, like, if they're getting involved themselves, then you're probably doing something right, yeah. Yeah, except you, except when you really want somebody to have a good extended massive orgasm, you want them to be relaxed, not moving at all. Oh, okay, okay, cool. Yeah, so this, I mean, in terms of this, in terms of the process, this is a you know, a two-way thing to learn this skill.

37:05 And I guess it's important to reference here that for a guy at this time, it's not all about, oh, I'm just building up to the moment that I can get involved. We're definitely that bit's being held off, right? This isn't just like a, it's not like a runway for a guy to like, I'm going to get her ready and then get stuck in myself. And the way you touch her is not to try to produce anything in her, but you're touching for your own pleasure. That's what the biggest, one of the biggest things I would tell somebody is you're just touching because it feels good to your hand. So she doesn't feel like she owes you anything. Yeah. Women may not want to have you pleasure them because they don't want to be owing to you, even though some people do want to give back, they don't have to.

37:50 You're doing it for your own pleasure. You're touching her for your own pleasure. Yeah, it's not, it shouldn't be transactional. That's kind of what I was saying there. It's not like, oh, I'm going to do this to you so that I can get this. Or I'm going to do this to you so that in a minute you'll be ready to have me get inside you. And if you're really enjoying it, you'll be all gasped. I get all Gasmy too when you know often. Sometimes, I don't know, should I tell her what it's what I'm feeling now? No, but I think the important thing to reference here, Steve, is that this actually extends the love making. Like, you know, from my point of view and experience, this knowledge, this kind of attitude towards sex extends the love making, which

38:31 for me, unless you're actually objective as a quickie, it should be an enjoyable period, you know, an extended amount of time in the bedroom or wherever you're doing it. You don't want it to be like a fat poster. It could be both. You can have longer ones and you can have short ones. Sometimes, you know, if you have, if you like, like a woman trains her body to really have an extended path of orgasm, five minutes of intense orgasm is a lot of orgasm. Because most orgasms are, you know, the people have like maybe 10 seconds. Yeah. So if you learn how to train your body, you can do it quicker and you can also extend it and do it for longer and

39:16 create new playing, create your own experiences each time out. I mean, it doesn't have to be the same every time. think for me, for me personally, having that almost like a repertoire, basically, you know, being able to, being able to have quick sex if you want it, but being able to enjoy sex over really, you know, being in bed, being in the moment, having that time together and touching each other. And there being a whole experience around it over, you know, which is you're talking here about an hour when you were talking about an hour of orgasm is a lot of orgasm.

39:55 Most people, I don't recommend that, like that, you know, they want to duplicate that, but that's something that we showed that's optional, you know? Yeah. Yeah, it's possible. It's possible, but you don't have to do that. We just want you to, you know, feel more and feel longer and feel better than you have. Yeah. And again, the goal is to be present to the stroke now. The only way you can have an extended orgasm, if you're present now, if you're not present, you start going away and the orgasm is going to go down. If one partner goes, like, goes away and starts going into their head, not feeling, the other partner will start going away.

40:35 So, so the better you are at, you know, pleasuring somebody, you'll notice that they've gone away. And you want to, they call it like quitting, quitting before they quit you. Right. Okay. So you want to, you want to stop, and that's why there's a lot of this peeking. You don't just like keep rubbing and rubbing and rubbing. You take, you rub for a while and then you change the stroke, you take your hands off for a few seconds, you can talk, you have some, you know, some laughs, whatever, you know, drink of water. Yeah, and break the moment. Yeah, I'm I really get that. Like, so which is where I was coming from the point I was making before about sex being an experience, sex being something that you've that you enjoy together rather than being just a reluctant, like, oh, yeah, go on then.

41:22 And too many couples, the men, I, so many of the men coming into high-value man projects, um, you know, a lot of them are successful and have got, you know, good lives and things that, you know, in almost every other area is working. One of the one of the so often aspects that are like, what I really want to be better is my relationship. I want us to be, I want it to be fun like it used to be. I want us to have more regular sex. I want the sex to be good. I want, I want to feel like we're lovers, not just roommates. That's the classic line. And this subject for me is part of it, is joyous sex, is multiple orgasms, is knowing each other's bodies, is

42:08 getting some different types of games and toys. And so the whole, and it doesn't have to be like freaky stuff. I'm just talking about, you know, different vibrators and, you know, and prompt-based cars. Yeah, I'm kind of against vibrators, Lucy. Right, okay. It kind of, again, you kind of imitate a man. You kind of just tensing up with the vibrator. Yeah. Then you, you know, you have this, you get off, and then you don't want to be touched anymore. Usually, I mean, some people can, they're probably different kinds of vibrators now. I'm not a vibrator expert either, but it actually kind of numbs the clitoral area.

42:46 Okay. So when you do touch it with the fingers, it doesn't feel as good as it can. Right. Okay. Yeah. So like we've like abused it kind of thing. Okay. So so that's what I take from that point is that there's a lot that there's a lot of depth for couples here to go around this idea of sensual touch and being able to experience others' bodies. There's deeper levels of pleasure that can be obtained. And so for couples that are experienced and happy to try things, as well as couples that are that are stuck in a rut and not really doing anything, this sensual experience of getting connected is so powerful for couples. Yeah. Yeah. It's about your attention on somebody and asking questions, being curious about what's going on.

43:31 Okay. And ask follow-up questions when they don't give you full answers. You're totally. Couples need to learn how to talk again. Okay, great, Steve. So what's, you know, I'll just look to how we might wrap this up. You know, I definitely people should go and get a copy of Extended Massive Orgasm. Like you said yourself, it's available on Amazon as well as all other normal bookstores or any other. Recently, a couple of years ago, I published Self-Pleasure. And it's got like all the exercises and some of the exercises that people wrote up. And, you know, so it's plus a bunch of, I've been studying like Buddhism.

44:14 And so it's got like a lot of information about the self and then, you know, happiness. And so I think it's a really good book if you want to learn how to pleasure yourself first. Okay, great. What's that book called? Self-pleasure, Delving into Happiness and Ourselves. Okay, brilliant. And I'll tell you one subject I'd just like to wrap up with: is sex getting better or worse in the world? There's like proliferation of porn everywhere, right? And then I'm speaking to couples and they're just not having a good sex life. You know, I can't help but feel like you're in the not in the porn industry, but you're in the industry of

44:56 sex and intimacy. I think it's getting better than it used to be. Right. My parents, like, you know, they didn't talk about sex at all. No, here we are talking about it, right? So it must be more information. It's more out there. You know, you have the internet, so there's all kinds of information out there. Most of it's valid. Are couples getting sex wrong? I think a lot of I don't hear a whole lot of great stories. Yeah. And that's that's a shame, right? Okay. So as a way of wrapping up. Well, no, I don't know if it's a shame. It's just, you know, it's an opportunity for me to have some work. Oh, yeah, totally.

45:36 Is it good for you? Yeah. Bring me your bad sex. I will, I will help you all. Actually, we don't like people. We like, we're not therapists. We like to have people who are really good and want to get better. That's where I'm really at. I get that. Yeah. From good to great. Yeah, totally. Totally. Which is hard. Yeah. And, you know, what can you say as a great way to wrap this up? What can you say about what's possible? Like what's possible for couples from great sex? I think your intimacy grows. The whole rest of your life will go. You can get your income increase, even. Everything will flow easier if you're getting off really well and appreciating and acknowledging and

46:22 taking care of your partner. Yeah. Yeah. To me, a relationship without sex is fundamentally broken, really. Well, I mean, like, like with Vera, the past couple years of her life, she couldn't have general stimulation. It was still very, very intimate. I mean, she had dementia, so she couldn't understand it, but she was so present in so many ways. So, you know, just a hug felt like you're really with her. Yeah. So. But, Steve, that level of intimacy to be that connected, what you just described there wasn't just, oh, yeah, we, yeah, I still gave her a hug.

47:04 That's not what you just described. That even just the energy from you, the language, your body language, that was a very intimate description of a hug. Couples don't have couples don't even have that, let alone a good sex life. Yeah, well, it's available. Yeah, it is. It is definitely available and probably even better than that. Yeah. Well, I'm going to take this as an opportunity to expand my knowledge and my relationship. I think it's, I like to consider my sex life with my girlfriend. We've been together over four and a half years now as healthy and exciting.

47:45 And what this conversation has really highlighted to me is that there's always more levels to get to, and I'm looking forward to that. Great. Good. So, reminder, Steve, where can people get hold of you and what are some of the cool things they can come and do with you if they're interested? Again, extendedmassiveorgasm.com is the website. Yeah. They can contact me through that. I answer emails. Great. And the video calls, the video things, that's not on the website. You have to purchase it on the website. Brilliant. The books are all there. They're all on amazon.com.

48:24 I'll put links in. UK or whatever it is. Yeah. I will put links in the show notes to all these things. So anyone, and if you come over to High Value Man projects. And I do coaching. I'm doing relationship coaching with my girlfriend and doing sex coaching with my other friend. Brilliant. Brilliant. Well, Steve, like I said at the beginning of the show, your work has massively benefited me. Yeah, exactly. And I thank you for it. And I'm really grateful for the opportunity to have you on this show and to add value to other men and women around the world.

49:03 I wish you all the best, continued success and the impact you're making on so many other people. Thank you. I appreciate your attention. You ask good questions. I see a lot more pleasure in your life. Good stuff, okay, Steve. Uh, guys, if you enjoyed this, uh, get yourself over to the highvalumanproject.com forward slash group. That's our base camp. That'll get you into all the free tools and resources that we have available. And if you want to work more closely with me, then just simply book that power call and we can chat about that and all the other work that we offer inside the inner circle and working one-on-one elite. Okay, men, let's go. Thanks for tuning in to the Johnny Jensen show. Be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with fellow dad.

49:48 Creating the life you deserve starts with you. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvalumanproject.com. Let's go.