How To Find A High Quality Woman

00:00 Men, how to find a high quality woman without losing yourself. It's not about what you're doing. It's about who you're being. Let's go. Welcome to the Johnny Jensen Show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches, relationships and results they deserve. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community at highvalumanproject.com. Let's go. Men, men, men, it is good to have you here. How to find a high quality woman without losing yourself.

00:39 The Facebook groups I'm in, there's always, you know, there's trends around subjects, but this one's been blowing up this week. There just seems to be a lot of it. Men complaining about the kind of woman they want to find and how they're struggling to do it, or men complaining about how their woman is being in the relationship that they're in and they really don't like it. And so all these men are frustrated and complaining and reflecting on their life. And it's all a bit heavy and miserable. And it just baffles me how much of a dead end or a rabbit hole some of these men are going into.

01:22 And the advice that they're being given in a lot of the places from other men, I'm not sure that I'm really fully on board with. And we'll talk about why that is today. We'll talk about the places you need to go to find the kind of woman that you would like to meet and to be with, or indeed the adjustments you need to make inside of your relationship so that the woman you're with can thrive and want to be in that relationship with you. Fundamentally, though, it starts with who you are being. It starts with creating the life that you desire, being the kind of man that warrants that desirable woman to come into his life.

02:05 Being the kind of man that someone would want to wake up next to on a daily basis. And like I said, whether you're trying to fix a broken relationship or whether you're out there looking for one, the information is the same. The logic, the strategy is the same. And so anyway, that's what we're up to today. I am coming off the back of a little trip to the Brecon Beacons, which is in Wales. We're here in the UK. So that's like over there. I'm down south, southeast near London. The Brecon Beacons is all the way over there in the east, southern Wales.

02:46 Very hilly, beautiful, countryside, picturesque, home of Penny Fan, which is the second highest peak in Wales. I don't know where that puts it in the whole of the UK or the world, but PennyFan's about 900 feet or something. No, not 900 feet. I don't bloody know. It's tall and it's a nice climb. We didn't actually do that one. We did it another time before, but anyway, the weather was pretty ghastly. So what we planned to do wasn't what we quite ended up doing. But that's why this podcast is a little bit delayed this week, this live stream, wherever you're watching.

03:26 And wherever you are coming from, thank you for being here. My name is Johnny Jensen. I am the head coach and founder of the High Value Man Project. We are here to lift men up so that they can be the man that they want to be, creating the life that they desire for themselves, in their health, their physical, emotional, mental health, in their money and work, managing and maintaining their relationships, but not just that one significant relationship, but who they are in that relationship, that marriage, who they are for their kids, who they are for their friends and family, who they are for their mentors and network. And fundamentally, having the kind of amount of fun and adventure in your life that you truly deserve.

04:08 This is the essence of being a high value man. This is what so many men are frustrated and low about not having created the sense that it's slipping through their fingers, particularly business owning men who've got that motivation to create something, to create the money and the time, freedom to quite often to have the family in the home and the holidays. And there's just this sense that no matter how hard they work, it's slipping through their fingers. That is on you, not as fault or blame, but as a structure around your life so that you can create things so that they work, so that you can create yourself, so that you

04:53 deserve, attract towards you the results that you want, so that you create yourself so that you maintain the relationships that you deserve. desire and deserve, and so that you have the amount of fun that you desire and deserve. It all comes back to you. That's where this topic today is so poignant. It's where we can be so focused on it. Now, if any of this resonates with you, if you want to take yourself and your life up to the next level to really take control of who you are and the results you're creating, then come and get involved first and foremost through the high value man base camp. Go to highvalue manproject.com forward slash base camp. No, no, forward slash group, and that'll get you in there. Basecamp will work as well.

05:37 But go to highvalue manproject.com forward slash group, and that will get you in at the base camp level. We've got the U2.0 program in there, and it's basically an entry-level space for men to get some complimentary assets and tools, some resources, but also find out more about what it takes to get involved in the high value man project, whether that be the inner circle, our eight-week accelerators, the lodge weekend, the one-on-one work that men do with me. It's all available to you. You've got to ask yourself the question: Am I creating the life that I truly desire?

06:16 Am I being the man that I want to be? If you don't know the answer to those questions, or you feel like it's not happening, then that's what we're exactly here for. Too many men are suffering and struggling through life, and that is what the High Value Man project is here to stop. Now, back to today's subject: the how to find a high-quality woman. It's a bit of a flipped introduction, a little bit of a flipped title. Very good for SEO because that's the kind of thing that people search for. But the answer isn't necessarily what men search for. Now, there was a couple of inspirations around this conversation today. You can imagine that I'm inside lots of Facebook groups.

06:59 And I talk about this a lot, right? It is bleak. It is bleak as fuck. Oh my gosh, men. Like, it's no wonder the divorce rates are so high. It's no wonder suicide rates are so high. You know, that is a serious topic which we're committed to improving. It's no wonder because men have such an upside-down perspective on how life should be. And I can say this quite confidently. It is at the heart of the high-value man coaching and principles. But I didn't bang my head and come up with this like the flux capacitor. Like this is through learned experiences myself going through life, but also through education, through 25 years of study into personal development, psychology, relationships, parenting, masculinity.

07:51 Like, so that journey has enabled me to condense this down and to give it to you. Now, when I see men inside these groups, there was one guy today, he was lamenting how every woman he ends up with is an utter narcissist and a complete nightmare. And why can't I find a good woman? So let's focus on that topic, right? He's not unique in saying that, right? There's various versions of it. I'm not even a big fan of the word narcissism. I think I have got enough experience to be able to speak from an educated perspective. But people throw this around too easily, you know, especially women love to, you know, historically love to talk about their difficult partners as narcissists.

08:39 But now increasingly, I see it flipped around and men talking about, you know, how their partner is a narcissist and how they've suffered at the hands of a narcissist. Believe me, you can easily find yourself in a relationship with someone possibly with narcissistic tendencies. Whether they're truly a narcissist, that's a medical term. It's a psychological state. Not everyone's actually going to be that person. And actually, a narcissist can't do anything about it. What they say about being in a relationship with a narcissist is the best thing to do is get out of it. You can't possibly hope to change it. And I'm not going to get into what is the definition of a narcissistic relationship.

09:23 But when you find yourself in a no-win situation where everything you try seems to get flipped back onto you as some kind of fault, the exact thing where you feel like you're being let down, that person flips around and puts it back onto you. Where one minute they'll be all over you and seemingly like the perfect person, the relationship you were hoping to find. But then because they've given you that, then the next element comes into they want something in return. return, or they want to let you down so that you feel completely crushed and lost, so that they can then, so that you can then, you know, have they can then have you chasing after them again.

10:04 That's sort of the rudimentary basis of a narcissistic relationship. But the interesting thing is that a broken relationship will also start to manifest itself as lots of in lots of those ways, like a couple taking it out on each other. The reason I've gone through that is that men will crumble under that weight. And as they crumble, they will stop being themselves. They will start chasing that woman and trying to do enough to make them fall in love with him or to make them like him, to make them have sex with him, to make them do more and be more the way he wants them to be. They won't be. The reason you give space for that to happen is you stop being yourself.

10:48 You stop having your own passions and interests and hobbies in life. You stop living by your own values. Men who are seeking a relationship will often go in pursuit of this thing that they desire in pursuit of this perfect woman. And in doing so, they will not do all the things that they love, all the things that light them up, all the places they would want to go and, you know, whether that be running or playing the guitar or who knows what? Mountain biking. I want to say like war enactments, right? But I bet there's not many women that go to those things.

11:30 Who knows? Maybe there isn't. But the point is, and where this subject comes from, finding a quality, we get back what we put out. Like we attract what we, you know, that what we are. Like who you are is what you'll get more of in return. Like it's mirrored. So going out and doing the kind of things that you enjoy, the likelihood is that you're going to start to meet people there. You're going to start to build connections with women there. Very different than going out and pursuing someone, going out and actively dating and like hunting someone down. In both scenarios, how you show up is going to matter.

12:10 Being whole and complete, having your life in order, being fit and strong, healthy mentally, physically, emotionally, having your life in order, having a balance of friends and family, of work contacts and commitments. Like you are literally setting the scene for a decent woman to show up. It's an attractive proposition. Who you're being when you've created that for yourself and your life is grounded, is confident, is at peace.

12:48 And so many of the men that comment in these different Facebook groups or put a long post up about what they're missing and why it's not fair and how they deserve better. It's only when you start to dig into the comments and replies that you see who they're being isn't that clear. It comes back to the old adage: if you stand for nothing, you know, if you stand for, what do you do? If you, if you, if you well, I fucked that up, haven't I? If you stand for nothing, you fall for everything. There we go. And it's just a very similar thing. Like, if you're not clear about who you are, then you're going to attract all this random

13:30 women, basically, and particularly people, women that are, you know, prey on that, men who aren't very, men who are weak, basically, nice guys, nice guy syndrome. They will prey on that and be attracted to you. Because you're broken, you're going to attract broken women. So need to be conscious of not wandering around and getting off topic here. The way that you find a high-quality woman is that you be really clear about who you are and what you stand for. Then you start to put your life in place around that. And then you start to show up in areas where she might be and that attracts that person to you. Point number two

14:18 is the myth of deserving a good woman or the idea that there is the one out there. Like no man is entitled to meet or find a good woman. No man, you know, should expect that a good woman will appreciate all that he's done and basically be subservient to him. Like, do you know what I've done for you? A lot of the men that I see in these groups, like lamenting the fact they can't find someone, they talk about, i've created all this she should there should be a woman out there who wants this why don't they appreciate that and again this is where it comes back down to

15:00 the idea that you're creating all this wealth or creating all this fitness or being a really spiritual person in order that she'll be attracted to you that kind of deservedness The entitlement is the word I'm really looking there has a really toxic energy. And energy is something that you need to be tuned into because the kind of energy that you're putting out will attract the kind of woman into you. Broken men find broken, broken partners, male or female, gay or straight, right? And entitlement is part of that. You don't deserve someone.

15:41 It's what you're putting in place for yourself and for them to step into. So an ideal partner is a bonus in your life, which is probably the next point that we'll come on to. So this other, this guy today, he was talking, you know, in the comments, right? And not everything was stacking up. He was talking about all the work that he'd done on himself. He was talking about how he was fit and healthy. He had a recent operation where he struggled a bit, but he was getting back on track. He was talking about his home and the things that he liked doing. So none of it really stacked up. But then it came to this point about this guy asked him, what were his non-negotiables?

16:24 And this is where I ended up pointing out to him that I didn't think that he really understood or knew women that well. So what he put down as his non-negotiables were that, amongst other things, some of which were pretty valid about fitness and interests and stuff like that. Yeah, all spot on. He then went on to say, she is not allowed to have any male friends, not allowed to have any male friends, and nor is she allowed to communicate with any of her exes. Which, when questioned, naturally went on to, for him, being about how she could not have any children.

17:08 And this guy was like 41. So there was a lot of control around what he was saying there. And for me, that wasn't about healthy boundaries. It was a fear disguised as a boundary. It was, you know, it didn't really lack, it didn't, you know, it lacked any kind of trust and respect inside of a relationship. Now, I've been part of churches where they've talked about, you know, the risks of having male friends, you know, female friends. I'm talking to us guys, the risk of having female friends if you were married. And that didn't really work for me, right?

17:48 Because what did it suggest? I can't control myself. I'm walking around with my cock in my hand, being like, oh, who wants some of this, right? Like, no, I've got lots of amazing female friends. To be in a relationship with someone who's going to have that much control over you, who's going to have that deeper level of expectations of you is not healthy. So why would he expect to find a balanced, strong, grounded, loving woman who's going to want to have that much control put around him? I don't think it's healthy or modern. I don't think it's right in 2025. What it also suggested for me was that he didn't really know women that well.

18:30 So what is your female friendships like? What are your connections with your mum and your sisters, your cousin? Like, like, how well do you know women? Because if you don't really know the nature of women and then you're going out there with all these expectations about how they should be and if she's not this and she doesn't do that, then she's a narcissist. No, maybe she's just a woman. Maybe she's going to have good days and bad days. Maybe someday she's going to need a bit of space and not have you expected to pick things up from for her or be there when you need her. That's not a narcissist.

19:09 I got to be honest, for him to be saying those kind of things was far more narcissistic than he actually realized. The irony was completely lost on him. So you can see inside of these different areas, like a healthy level of understanding and knowledge of women, a healthy level of structure in your life so that it would be attracted to people, attractive to them. Happy grounded in your friendships and connections and the account and support you kind of getting the fun and adventure you're putting into your life. Then the next element of this which is actually you know we're talking very much here about the 3xc from the high value man project the next element is is in courage courage is having no sense of blame or frustration or regret or you know past trauma that's given you experience in the present if you're dragging all that stuff

20:03 with you like women this i'm not finding another one like that screw her like if you're bringing that into your new relationship then the energy that you've got is going to have some kind of stink about it which just goes back to broken people attract broken people you know you get back what you put out who you're being matters so if you haven't let go of all that stuff and this guy was talking about the deep levels of therapy that he'd been into i read so much about men in therapy men in therapy i've got to get over this trauma i've got to let go of all this past

20:40 to some degree we all have a past and if you haven't done the work then it's useful to be able to process it to get over it if you've been through a breakup or some kind of exhausting mentally exhausting process then a bit of therapy and counseling can help if you've got stuff from your childhood like my mum dying when i was nine like the teenage roller coaster that that i went on then some kind of cognitive behavioral therapy can be happy can be helpful because it can help you understand the way that you think it can help you see oh my gosh making this mean that did not mean that that

21:20 then happened next this guy put in his post about love hurting you know like how can you hope to go out and find a relationship when your concept of love is that it hurts well guess what you're going to find more people who make love mean hurt you get back what you put out so if you haven't given up and again to reiterate i don't think you need years and years of therapy to be able to do this if you haven't given up your past you haven't reframed it as i had to be i had to go through that to become the man i need to be i had to go through that in order that i'm going to show up ready for the perfect relationship that's going to come along down the line that's going to come along next then you can't possibly hope to attract the kind of woman that you desire you can't possibly hope to have

22:10 healthy expectations from that relationship and when things do meet a pinch point or a struggle you can't possibly hope to react in the kind of way that a healthy relationship requires you've got to have the courage to give up your past so you see finding the perfect well there's no such thing as work a perfect woman but finding a high quality woman is about you it is about the man you're being and the way that you're showing up so build that life first if you haven't got that it's not all about money and status right it's about who you're being because you can show up as confident and as creative and

22:57 enterprising entrepreneurial as grounded as as as positive you can show up as that person without having a million pounds or dollars in the bank without having the big house or the car on the driveway it's who you're being in the present moment whether things are going well or not going so well that matters so put that into place be clear on the kind of life that you want and start to create it start to move towards it putting the knowledge and the structures in place being in the right places to meet the kind of people you want to meet and do the kind of things that you want to do right

23:34 then the courage second c in the 3xc formula is to give up that past to give up the experiences of the past that oh i am the way that i am and i'm never going to find someone because to let that go to be present in the moment of yes a wonderful woman would want to be part of this i'm not going to react when something doesn't go the way i want and shout at her or be demanding i'm not going to let jealousy have it be that she's not allowed to have any male friends or some other bollocks like that and then the final c in the 3xc commitment is courage sorry it's commitment the 3xc formula for living is

24:15 commitment how you're showing up each day how you're living your life how you are um uh building something that somebody wants to be part of where she becomes the bonus on top of it not the comp you know not the foundation on which you've built everything else these kind of expectations and demands are completely upside down You don't want a woman to be the foundation in your life. It's too much pressure and expectation on her. What you want is her to be the bonus in your life. So that when you meet, when you start to talk about who you are and what you created, it seems exciting to her to become and be part of that.

25:02 You can then measure how well she fits into that on the basis of, look what I've created. Look how I'm functioning week to week. Look at what my hobbies and interests are. Look at the people I surround myself with. If she fits seamlessly into all that, then she's probably a good fit for you. And by the way, you need to be a good fit for her as well. It's a completely different subject. But if she hasn't got all this stuff in place either and you don't fit neatly into that, then that should be another red flag. So I hope what I'm illustrating is that finding a high quality woman is nothing about searching her out.

25:43 That comes when you're in the position of creating the life that you deserve and then she will enter into it. These men in all these groups lamenting how there's no good women in life, in the world, I really want to challenge them to start looking in the mirror first of all and realizing that there are plenty of high quality women. There are plenty of good women that want a good man. If they're not showing up in your life, consider that the only consistent element in all of these women is you. So rather than deciding that all women are shit, you probably want to start with the reflection, the personal reflection on what you need to be in order to attract a high quality woman.

26:29 You don't attract what you want. You attract who you are. That's a bit of a mic drop that I hope I want to leave you with today. And like I said at the beginning, this might have come across as, oh, how does a guy who's single go out and find a woman? It's really important for you to realize that if your relationship is suffering and you haven't got all these elements in place, that you've stopped being the man that she fell in love with, that you've got no real purpose or direction or connections or mission, no real adventure and fun, peace in your life, then why would that be attractive?

27:06 How can you hold her to account and say, what are we creating here? How can you invite a fresh start if you've got nothing to offer? Nothing for someone to want to step into. So in terms of your existing relationship, get honest with yourself first and foremost and then get honest with her. I think I've let things drift. I think things have got off track. I think it's time for a fresh chapter. Would you like to create that with me? Not enough men invite their partners in to do that. They go from the place of you're doing something wrong. I need you to change. That's not how it works. That's not how you create a fresh start. So where do we go from here?

27:50 As I said at the beginning, you want to get yourself into the high-value man base camp. We have a tool for people in a relationship, for men in a relationship, called the high-value man relationship reset conversation. If you want that, then comment, reset, or DM me, reset, and I'll get you access to that. If you're a single dad looking to rebuild after his breakup, then it's exactly the same, except you want to comment, rebuild, and we'll get you the support and direction to create the life that you deserve. Fundamentally, get yourself into the high-value man base camp where all of this will be available to you and where we can invite you to become part of the inner circle, attend one of the eight week accelerators.

28:35 And if it suits you, then to come and be one of my one-on-one clients inside the high-value man elite. High-quality women want a good man. If you can't find one, then start by looking in the mirror. I hope this has been a value. Please like and share it. I have once again forgotten to go and check the reviews and do review of the week. So that is my bad. What you do know is that there'll be another podcast coming out pretty soon after this one because of because of my trip away last week. We're a little bit late in getting this published. I hope it's been a value. Please share it with other men in your life.

29:14 Let's get this message out to as many men as possible to transform the experience that men are having in their life to keep families together, to reduce the rate of male suicide. And first and foremost, to see men thriving, strong, confident, happy men around the world. I'll see you next time. Let's go. Thanks for tuning in to the Johnny Jensen Show. Be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with fellow dads. Creating the life you deserve starts with you. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvalumanproject.com. Let's go.