Hiding Out vs Showing Up: The Masculine Skill Every Dad Needs

00:00 Showing up men. That moment where you push through the doubt, the uncomfortable feeling, the sense of being too tired or overwhelmed and you just choose to show up because that's the man you are. That's the dad you are. That's the commitment you made. Roll theme. Welcome to the Johnny Jensen Show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches, relationships and results they deserve. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community at highvalumanproject.com. Let's go. Hello men, welcome to the Johnny Jensen show.

00:45 It is great to have you here. We are part of the High Value Man Project. Our mission around the world is to raise men up, dads, to create the life they desire instead of one they feel stuck in so they can be the man and dad they want to be. This episode, we're looking at the concept, the principle of showing up. Showing up regardless of how you're feeling about what's going on during that day, about what happened to, I don't know, at the weekend to your missus, to really anything. It's the ability to show up, not

01:23 like showing off, not aversion that isn't really you, just being able to show up regardless of what's going on for you and have the situation go well for you, have you win the day. Because ultimately in life, that's the choice we get. Like whatever's going on, the day is going to pass. There will be a minute that we're in and then there'll be a minute that's gone. It's really irrelevant what you think about it because it's going to happen. Like the moon follows the sun, the day follows the night.

02:02 It's going to happen. So I recorded this on Friday. For those men subscribed to the podcast or following along regularly, you know that we're a couple of days behind. This topic is real, right? It's real for me. Recording the podcast in the last couple of weeks for some reason has gotten a little bit, I don't want to say like heavy, like I don't want to do it. In fact, it couldn't be more the opposite. I definitely do want to do it. But there's been a degree of insecurity is a bit strong, but just a lack of confidence, like a little bit of a lost mojo a little bit.

02:42 And I've done some work. I've got my own coach. So, you know, we got together and worked through it. Like it's about ending the year strong. It's about having clear plans for 2026. So that sense of things working out or not quite working out, they're not only based on what's happening today. There's an optimism and a forward focus on the road ahead, right? So that in essence is this whole story played out. We're up to something, we're committed to it, we're not feeling that great. We dither and wonder. And I actually recorded this episode on Friday, played it back, decided it was crap and binned it.

05:37 so the comeback king series which we've done a couple of in the past um my mind thinks to um mark ormorod the uh soldier british soldier um who lost both his legs and half an arm and is now a world record holder in a whole number of endurance uh activities um lee smith who was on a couple of weeks ago uh business owner dad um merger as an acquisitions expert also iron man in some of the fathers for justice activity again sharing his story of of of

06:14 winning in business losing it all and rebuilding himself back up so if that resonates with you then go to one of the social posts and and get yourself um signed up to be on on on the get on the uh the comeback kings um series so putting that plan in place to overcome the little bit of doubt and wobble that was that was there last week but you know yeah i probably could have just hit publish and to hell with it because in a way that would have been my commitment my commitment to myself this year was i'm going to publish a podcast every week so

06:51 yeah you could argue that in my pursuit of looking good in my pursuit of things being perfect i missed a week and that is one of the aspects of of showing up that will kick you in the nuts really that will derail you and and that's the idea of all the concept of showing off like you you want to look good you're like you're only going to do it if it's perfect or you're only going to do it if the right outcome comes in and in in that way we show up a little bit of a false version of ourselves um of course the opposite which having said that maybe this is more the case is hiding out

07:32 hiding out is where we feel confronted by a situation where we choose not to take on the commitment okay clearly i was hiding out last week um and what actually happens in place of that because it's a bit of a of a of a reluctant icky heavy feeling to make that palatable to make that something we can put up with then we will generally adopt some kind of negative habit some sort of feel-good make weight drinking all the good stuff right drinking drugs shagging probably people we shouldn't be porn gambling doom scrolling gaming for endless hours watching garbage on tv when we should be working basically any kind of distraction activity to hide out from that thing that we really

08:25 should be doing so it's hiding out and and to be fair just to double back on the showing off thing showing off is really when you're trying to force something you're showing up as a version of yourself that is intent on creating an outcome but the but the way of being like is slightly off there's something not a hundred percent about you right and again you know that that can quite often um manifest itself show up as some kind of abuse of a situation like going in way too hot drinking leery um too mouthy and you'll you know you'll you'll think you'll know

09:06 either people like that or situations like that like how they show up in social situations is is a caricature is an over-exaggeration of who they really are and they generally end up making a tit of themselves or causing some kind of upset or mess and that's the problem as well because if you're showing off it's a version of hiding out it's something that you're not comfortable with being your true self and that really is the importance of this topic today is that showing up is doing exactly what you know there is to be done exactly what is the commitment that you made it's the outcome that you desire to have so if we're talking high value man and we're talking about being dad it's about how you want your kids to see you it's about how you want your relationship to go go.

09:55 So that could be an awkward conversation. It could be adjusting work so that you're there for the sports day or the Christmas panto making sure that your wife or in my situation long-term girlfriend is is not sat there waiting for you and you're late again or you've cancelled again because there's something more important. I mean imagine what that is like to be told repeatedly oh yeah sorry I can't make it something's come up really what you're saying is something more important than you has come up now we justify those situations by saying oh it was busy it was urgent I you know they couldn't do it without me

10:39 but if we really look at taking responsibility for that you can go back through the preceding hours days weeks and look at where the breakdown was look at what you over committed to look at what work didn't get done how the project was set up wrong the question you didn't ask for example not as significant as some of those I've just mentioned but yesterday I took my daughter to her youth group last night and I knew that her mum was going to be there and if I'd thought ahead I could have said to her in the morning oh I'm taking you to youth tonight make sure you've

11:19 got any stuff that you want for your mums in the week because she'll be there and we can drop it off so there's like a level of planning ahead that would have meant that my daughter had her stuff back at her mum's that there wouldn't have been a stress point this morning that she my daughter wouldn't have been having a go at me about something that was completely not on me because I did actually say to her anything you want to take to youth tonight that I can give to your mums but the thing was I asked her as we were leaving and then you can be really right well I told you last night and you didn't want to do it but but actually if I take full responsibility for that I could have asked in the morning so that is a degree of showing up there's a there's a level of responsibility and and presence that has everything work out

12:04 and when you operate like this your wife girlfriend whatever will know that's who you are she can count on you and then you get a bit of grace same with your kids you get a bit of grace for those times where things do come up where things do not go to plan and you have to make an adjustment but you've built up enough trust credit in the bank you know that that there there's some flexibility there but again it's about what your consistent way of being is and the way that people relate to you

12:41 and when people relate to you like that you get the feel-good factor back you get the experience of things working out for you and people having patience and time for you when it's off when you're not showing up for those in your life when you're not showing up for your responsibilities your commitments it will then start to occur as pressure like why are they like that to me why is she saying that or why did they never help out why is this always happening to me and the moment you start saying why is this always happening to me or this isn't fair those bloody people i promise you there is a gap there there is a breakdown where you have not been showing up in some way at some point in the near past that would have that

13:27 thing have worked out and gone gone maybe perfectly or certainly much better being the mind that kind of man that shows up is actually freeing for yourself for yourself before and likely more than all those other people because that's the grace you buy for yourself i shared on the super seven fitness challenge post today because it's monday i don't know what what when you're listening to this but it's monday today as i record it and i was talking again this is a repeated message because it's so important about how you plan your week planning your week buys you back your time

14:05 when you head into monday morning without a clue what you're up to that week you're already burning time burning fuel on that five day slot that you've got for yourself and then when you've missed out on a period of that day that's when you end up working late or eating into your weekends so when men say to me i just don't have time you don't understand i'm like i think i kind of do things off and if it's planning your week then we get to say well the ideal time to do that is probably saturday mornings because sunday regardless of whether you're into god and all that like sunday really should be a family day you know and saturday should be a day for getting stuff done stuff done for yourself yourself when the pressure's off when you

14:52 can relax and enjoy it when you can mix up time your kids time for yourself time to get things done and so when you plan out your week then or we do our fire tracker accountability tutor on a saturday morning you get to look ahead and be like right i can see what i've got coming up for the kids i can see where i'm going to have a reset conversation with my wife and what we're going to do on thursday night on our date night i can see who's going to have the kids for us and when we're going to have their kids for them the week after that is showing up and it's relaxing rather than being stressed out all the time about what you've not done or what you're hiding or where you've got to show off and perform you get to be your true self and true self is the essence of courage from our 3xc the more you can show up as your true self the better people

15:41 will relate to you the better you'll be able to be at peace with the man in the mirror the more confidence and commitment you'll have around the things that are important to you to do and that is the topic of showing up it's not some weird thing you've got to go and wait and learn yeah you have to practice a bit if if it's not something that you've been naturally doing for a while but i promise you in earnestly this subject pretty much comes down to making you know it doing what you said you would do it's where your integrity's in where you're completing on the tasks that people can expect of you even when they're not watching to ask yourself how on top of those things are

16:21 you which of them are you hiding out on which of them are you showing off in and where and to what percentage overall are you showing up regardless of how you're feeling regardless of how it's going showing up because that's who you said you are that's what you said you would do and the more men that start to show up like that the more we'll be thriving the more we'll have each other's backs the more time you'll create for yourself so where are you showing up in your life list down one side of a piece of paper like spider off of that what's that like what's the positive energy around showing up in that area and on the other side write where you're not showing up where you're hiding out or

17:07 showing off what's that like what's that uncomfortable feeling like and what's that leading to what are you missing out on what problems it's creating now you can see the two things you know clearly separated and you can start to make an action plan of well what would it be like on this side where i'm not showing up if i could start to put some structure and systems in place to have that be a different way i hope this episode has made a difference get yourself over to highvalue manproject.com forward slash group and we'll get you into the project every member that joins every man that joins gets a focus call where we make a a clear action

17:46 plan for you in an area of your life that is currently a goal or a challenge for you so that we can move you forward so you can see what it's like to live by the principles of the high value man system for living share this episode in fact the whole podcast with other men in your life you can do that really easily just send them highvalue manproject.com forward slash podcast that'll get them in and really whatever you need we've got your back reach out get in contact let's grow this mission around the world i'll see you next week thanks for tuning in to the johnny jensen show be sure to subscribe leave a review and share it with fellow dads creating the life you deserve starts with you get your high value man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvalumanproject.com let's go