Cutting Lose Toxic Feelings - The Importance Of Forgiveness And Completion

00:00 Forgiveness is the gift you give yourself. Failure to forgive someone, failure to get complete leaves a stink in your life that basically is toxic It's time to get complete! Roll theme Welcome to The Jonnie Jensen Show where modern dads discover how to create the true riches relationships and results they deserve Get your High Value Man blueprint and join our community at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go Hello men, the theme today is about forgiveness and completion. When you...

00:43 I hope to clear something up when you fail to forgive someone, when you hold onto it. It's like leaving a stinking turd in the corner of your life. You wouldn't do that. You would not leave that smell in your front room if your dog had left it there the night before so you don't want to leave it in your life with other people in particular because that is where forgiveness and completion normally is centered. It's around other people, your attitudes towards other people And this is a story really from my life today. Of course, it's an integral part of the High Value Man system for living and the 3XC formula. It's inside of courage that we find this conversation around forgiveness and around completion. The Flipping Bible if you want to use that as an example tells us to forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us like forgiveness

01:40 The forgiveness that you might seek from others, you're going to have to give that just as much as you hope to get it yourself. And so what does that really mean? It means that the more you hold onto things, the more that you are resentful and blaming and frustrating towards others those experiences in life that have left us with a negative thought either about what happened or about ourselves or in particular towards other people If you are harboring this for people, then the energy that's given off inside of you more than anything is toxic. But the idea that it doesn't affect anybody else really isn't true!

02:24 You know, there's two sides to this. One is they don't really know about it so whilst you're festering away and angry and upset and resentful all these things they are oblivious they just get on with their life but the other slightly more sinister side which we can all be responsible for is from an energetic point of view from the vibrations that we're putting out it will somehow be impacting either those immediately around you or those further afield even going back Because in crude terms, and this experience happened to me is if that person now becomes someone you avoid. Someone you talk negatively about someone you avoid making introductions to or sharing opportunities with consider that's the kind of energy that you're putting out there towards that person and if you're honest and take a look at will be the case

03:16 So in this experience, here we are right? I get invited to the opening of a new church building. The church that we were part of when we were married and there were good times there and certainly good people but at the end of it i was left with the experience of being horribly let down um some of what i felt A lack of support, verging on negligent really when somebody who clearly had been through as much as we were going through and who was suffering as much as I was. And I can see now in retrospect to someone is now got qualifications in mental health first aid and first responder that the signs of where I was at as an individual, as a dad, as a man should have been obvious to people

04:09 But the support that I got, I don't necessarily or certainly didn't feel was consistent with how I was showing up. So a lot of resentment there right? This church though 10 years down the line they're having a new building and it's opening up today. I get an invitation from my son and so i'm like oh man that is interesting do I go like who's gonna be there what's in it for me why would I want to put myself in The question that we have to ask ourselves in the moment, if those quite natural thoughts have come up is well what's the opposite of that? Rather than thinking what are all the possible negatives that could happen as a result of me going like actually have a look. What's possible on the positive? What's 10 years of avoidance and frustration given me and by the way it's not literally ten years of avoidance or frustration it's been particularly around a couple

05:10 A couple of people who over this past 10 years I might have seen in town and avoided speaking to them. I might have had a memory come up that involved them, that led me to think oh that bloke why didn't he or she should've done this? So it occurs to me as I'm going through these thoughts that there's my voice there, my negative thoughts which come up quite naturally. Then the positive ones that I can construct and add in as a counterweight to that because I am conscious self-aware being who wants to create good in the world and then there is third voice

05:49 It could be, you could call it your gut. You could call it instinct if you're a religious person of... you could call it a higher voice, a God an angel for you who's saying yeah but why don't you go and do this for this reason? Why don't you go and see what's possible for you? And is that gut instinct that when you're prepared to listen to it is where real wisdom comes Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen Show,

06:31 And then who am I to turn down an invitation on the basis of something that happened 10 years ago? That's not high value. That's tiny, low-value thinking. That is small man mentality. So the grander idea, the grander opportunity, the grander response to the invitation is to say you know what yeah thanks! I'll take that invitation. I'll see what's possible And of course, as I walk into the reception of this new church building who's there right in the middle of all these people is this guy. And I had a little chuckle to myself that okay higher being in an inner voice wherever it has come from

07:11 Yeah, that was exactly what was supposed to bring me here today. And so I got my cup of tea and I approached him and said good to see you uh mine does a little bit of chit chat for two minutes. And then I said there's something we need talk about are you okay with that? I invited him into the conversation. You can't just corner someone and barf all over them. I invited him into the conversation he said it was okay and then I let him know what was going on and again As the coach in here for you guys, it's not about you did this and you did that and that made me feel like this. And there's nothing transformed in that at all. What's possible from a conversation like this is to let the other person know where you're at

08:01 This is how I let it made me feel. This is what I've been holding onto for this amount of time, this is what the possible impact of that has been because then you're going to invite grace or elicit grace from that person whilst your talking to them they are going to be interested possibly curious maybe compassionate as to what you have got to say And as I said before, in doing this the right way there is an opportunity for them to see something about themselves in this conversation. It's a it's you're opening up a space where like wow that must have taken something for him to do that hang on a minute I wonder where I could be doing something like that and so forgiveness is a release of that toxic energy and its freedom because

08:56 No longer am I going to be thinking about him like that. And even as I told him everything that I'd been holding onto and what that was really like, and how it had come about it sort of lost all its power. It actually sounded rather petty. We shook hands we you know hugged, hugged out basically and for me in listening to my gut instinct To seeing where I'd been playing small around this subject and to consider that something bigger than what was possible before has now been created by that conversation. And do like an audit for yourself

09:43 Do an audit on how many of these are in your life because the objective is to end up with none. The objective is to end up with possibly one or two if you can't find that person, or you don't know what...or you're not really sure whether it even matters but the very fact you're thinking about it probably means it does matter because where you want to get to is a place of nothing, a place of no thing about anything No hang up, no awkwardness. No discomfort. No I'm not going to go down that road because that person lives there or that's where that happened. Get it complete! I've been to places where my ex and I had arguments like significant negative moments in our relationship and I've been to that place and sat

10:34 I've sat and been with my thoughts about that place, and meditated and expressed gratitude. And looked for wisdom in the experience look for wisdom in the thought so that when I drive past it, I'm not left with the thought of oh! That's that place we had that shitty argument? I'm left with the thought of...that's that place where I had that wonderful half-hour and discovered a new level of gratitude from my ex that I hadn't seen before These are all ways to forgive and get complete. And where you end up as a man walking around with none of this toxic energy in you, none of this frustration resentment blame all these low value emotions that we hang on to and drag us down when you're able to show up is that

11:25 You have a spark about you, you have an energy. You have something that people are interested in they notice it even if they can't quite understand or put their finger on what it is, you occur to them as an interesting person there's a warmth and a fuzzy comfort that they feel at peace They feel emboldened inspired strong by you being in their company And that is the high value Man, upward momentum. It's how you show up with a high energy is where you get to make a difference in the world just by being yourself. So take this opportunity as an exercise to have a look where your harboring negative thoughts about people or situations or places do an audit