Cutting Lose Toxic Feelings - The Importance Of Forgiveness And Completion

00:00 Forgiveness is the gift you give yourself. Failure to forgive someone, failure to get complete, leaves a stink in your life that basically is toxic. It's time to get complete. Roll theme. Welcome to the Johnny Jensen show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches, relationships and results they deserve. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community at highvalue manproject.com. Let's go. Hello men. The theme today is about forgiveness and completion.

00:42 When you fail to clear something up, when you fail to forgive someone, when you hold on to it, it's like leaving a stinking turd in the corner of your life. You wouldn't do that. You would not leave that smell in your front room if your dog had left it there the night before. So you don't want to leave it in your life with other people in particular, because that is where forgiveness and completion normally is centered. It's around other people, your attitudes towards other people. And this is a story really from my life today. Of course, it's an integral part of the high value man system for living in the 3XE formula.

01:23 It's inside of courage that we find this conversation around forgiveness and around completion. The flipping Bible, if you want to use that as an example, tells us to forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us. Like forgiveness, the forgiveness that you might seek from others, you're going to have to give that just as much as you hope to get it yourself. And so what does that really mean? It means that the more you hold on to things, the more that you are resentful and blaming and frustrating towards others, those experiences in life that have left us with a negative thought, either about what happened or about ourselves or in particular towards

02:09 other people. If you are harboring this for people, then the energy that that's giving off inside of you more than anything is toxic. But the idea that it doesn't affect anybody else really isn't, really isn't true. You know, there's two sides to this is one is they don't really know about it. So whilst you're festering away and angry and upset and resentful and all these things, they're oblivious. They're just getting on with their life. But the other slightly more sinister side, which we can all be responsible for, is from an energetic point of view, from the vibrations that we're putting out, it will somehow be impacting either those immediately around you or those further afield, even going back to that other person.

02:54 Because in crude terms, and this experience happened to me, is if that person now becomes someone you avoid, someone you talk negatively about, someone you avoid making introductions to or sharing opportunities with, consider that's the kind of energy that you're putting out there towards that person. And if you're honest and take a look, that will be the case. So in this experience, here we are, right? I get invited to the opening of a new church building, the church that we were part of when we were married. And there were good times there and certainly good people. But at the end of it, I was left with the experience of being horribly let down.

03:38 Some of what I felt a lack of support, verging on negligent, really, when somebody who clearly had been through as much as we were going through and who was suffering as much as I was. And I can see now in retrospect as someone who's now got qualifications in mental health, first aid and first responder, that the signs of where I was at as an individual, as a dad, as a man, should have been obvious to people. But the support that I got, I don't necessarily, or I certainly didn't feel was consistent with how I was showing up.

04:17 So a lot of resentment there, right? This church, though, 10 years down the line, they're having a new building and it's opening up today. I get an invitation from my son. And so I'm like, oh, man, that is interesting. Do I go? Like, who's going to be there? What's in it for me? Like, why would I want to put myself in that place? But the question that we have to ask ourselves in the moment, if those quite natural thoughts have come up, is, well, what's the opposite of that? Rather than thinking, what's all the possible negatives that could happen as a result of me going? Like, actually have a look.

04:55 What's possible on the positive? What's... what's 10 years of avoidance and frustration given me and by the way it's not literally 10 years of avoidance and frustration it's been in particularly around a couple of people a couple of people who who over this past 10 years um i might have seen in town and avoided speaking to them i might have had a memory come up that involved them that led me to think oh that bloke why didn't he or he should have done this so it occurs to me as i'm going through these thoughts that there's my voice there my

05:35 negative thoughts which come up quite naturally then there's the positive ones that i can construct and add in as a counterweight to that because i'm a conscious self-aware being who wants to create good in the world and then there's a third voice it could be you could call it your gut you could call it instinct if you're a religious person of you could call it a higher voice a god an angel for you who's saying yeah but why don't you go and do this for this reason why don't you go and see what's possible for you and it is that gut instinct that when you're prepared to listen to it is where real wisdom comes is where you're able to go and grab opportunities that you didn't

06:15 weren't quite sure what they were or why they were there but it just felt like you know what i think i'm going to go to that i think i'm going to show up so it occurred to me i was as i was having all these thoughts that maybe maybe it was going to be about this guy and then who am i to turn down an invitation on the basis of something that happened 10 years ago that's not high value that's tiny low value thinking that is small man mentality so the grander idea the grander opportunity the grander response to the invitation is to say you know what yeah thanks i'll take that invitation i'll see what's possible and

06:55 of course as i walk into the reception of this new church building uh who's who's there right in in the middle of all these people is this guy and i had a little chuckle to myself that okay higher being in a inner voice wherever it's come from yeah that was exactly what was supposed to bring me here today and so i got my cup of tea and i approached him and said good to see you uh mind us a little bit of chit chat for two minutes and then i said there's something we need to talk about are you okay with that i invited him into the conversation you can't just corner someone and and baff all over them i invited him into the conversation he said it was okay and then i let him know what was going on and again as the coaching here for you guys it's not about you did this and you did that and that made me feel like

07:47 this and there's nothing transformed in that at all what's possible from a conversation like this is to let the other person know where you're at to take responsibility for this is actually on you this is this is how i let it made me feel this is what i've been holding on to for this amount of time this is what the possible impact of that has been because then you're going to you're going to invite grace or elicit grace from that person whilst you're talking to them they're going to be interested possibly curious maybe compassionate as to what you've got to say and as i said before in doing this the right way there is an opportunity for them to see something

08:34 about themselves in this conversation it's a it's you're opening up a space where like wow that must have taken something for him to do that hang on a minute i wonder where i could be doing something like that and so forgiveness is a release of that toxic energy and it's freedom because no longer am i going to be thinking about him like that and even as i told him everything that i'd been holding on to and what that was really like and how it had come about it it sort of lost all its power it it actually sounded rather petty we shook hands we you know hugged hugged it out basically

09:17 and for me in listening to my gut instinct to seeing where i'd been playing small around this subject and to consider that something bigger than what was possible before has now been created by that conversation and do like an audit for yourself do an audit on how many of these are in your life because the objective is to end up with none the objective is to end up with possibly one or two if you can't find that person or you don't know what what, or you're not really sure whether it even matters.

09:57 But the very fact you're thinking about it probably means it does matter. Because where you want to get to is a place of nothing, a place of no thing about anything. No hang up, no awkwardness, no discomfort. No, I'm not going to go down that road because that person lives there or that's where that happened. Get it complete. I've been to places where my ex and I had arguments, like significant negative moments in our relationship. And I've been to that place and sat. I've sat and been with my thoughts about that place and meditated and expressed gratitude and looked for wisdom in the experience, look for wisdom in the thought.

10:46 So that when I drive past it, I'm not left with the thought of, oh, that's that place we had that shitty argument. I'm left with the thought of, that's that place where I had that wonderful half an hour and discovered a new level of gratitude from my ex that I hadn't seen before. These are all ways to forgive and get complete. And where you end up as a man walking around with none of this toxic energy in you, none of this frustration, resentment, blame, all these low-value emotions that we hang on to and drag us down. When you're able to show up as that, you have a spark about you.

11:27 You have an energy. You have something that people are interested in. They notice it. Even if they can't quite understand or put their finger on what it is, you occur to them as an interesting person. There's a warmth and a fuzzy comfort that they feel at peace. They feel emboldened, inspired, strong by you being in their company. And that is the high-value man upward momentum. It's how you show up with a high energy. It's where you get to make a difference in the world.