Awkward Conversations Are The Ones You Should Be Having

00:00 Anytime you're avoiding having a conversation, it probably means that's the exact conversation you should be having. Otherwise, it's going to come back and bite you in the ass. Roll them. Welcome to the Johnny Jensen show. Hello, man. You know, those times where you are avoiding a conversation that you really know you should be having. Well, this is what it's about. That anxiety, that hesitation, that almost awkwardness in your mind about bringing it up. And so you put it off. But the thing is, it doesn't go away, does it? It doesn't suddenly pop out of your mind. You know, it's like the, you know, that test they say when they say, don't think about a white bear, right?

00:44 And the only thing you can then bloody think about is the white bear. The conversations that men avoid in our relationships, you know, it's could be about money. It could be about sex. It could be about the health, the relationship. It could be about starting a business or closing a business. But the reluctance to bring it up doesn't make it go away. It actually makes it worse. So if you're experiencing anything like that, then this episode is for you. I know about this because it happens to all of us. It happened to me just this last 10 days or so.

01:23 And it never really works well. You know, there might be times where we think, oh, it doesn't, it's not, it's not worth talking about. It doesn't really matter, right? Those kind of everyday casual, you know, choosing to engage in a conversation or choosing just to let it go, that's just sensible. You know, not every topic needs to be engaged in. Sometimes as a high-value man, you might choose to simply let it pass. I've had conversations with guys who are inside the High Value Man Project and working with me recently about high profile legal cases, you know, in America with the woman that's, you know, in court about her three children that she sadly killed.

02:08 Politics, you know, Gaza, flipping racism, like there are times where it's good to stand up for what you believe in, but there are also times when it's good to let it go. We're not talking about that right now. We're talking about those topics that are niggling you, the things that you know you want to bring up, the things that you feel awkward about raising. And so you suppress them. But when you suppress them, they don't go away. They just come back stronger. And, you know, somewhere, you know, around this, there's a level of gut instincts, you know, not ignoring what's important to you.

02:48 Because when we suppress things, well, I've just said it, they don't go away. They come back stronger. You know, no amount of me telling you not to think about a white bear. And this is the magic of AI now with prepping the podcast. I can come up with ideas for episodes and I can ask AI about it. And sure enough, it's the Wegner's, W-E-G-N-E-R, Wegner's white bear experiments. And they suggest that more you try to tell someone not to think about the white bear, the more they do. And right now, I can be pretty certain that somewhere in your mind, you have got a picture of a white bear. And whilst avoidance brings short-term relief, we can't teach the brain to avoid the conversation.

03:32 The very essence of ignoring it doesn't empower us. It leaves us with the sense of, oh, I wimped out. Oh, it was awkward. Oh, I'll pick it up another day. Or we anticipate the worst. And when we anticipate the worst thing happening, that's triggering our fight or flight response. We're telling our brain that is something scary. And our brain is geared to save us. It wants us to feel, you know, safe. It wants to protect us. So when we're constantly telling it, oh, I don't want to have that conversation. It's risky. I don't want to have that conversation. She's going to not take it well. I don't want to have that conversation. It's going to derail that project. Each time you dodge it, it becomes more dangerous.

04:14 And you simply reinforce in your mind that, oh, I can't bring that up. I can't do that. I can't say that. What does it feel like, honestly, when you do that? Speaking for myself, I know it feels like crap, basically. It doesn't go away. It just lingers. It feels like, oh, I failed. I didn't bring it up. I didn't find the words. And now I'm suffering, stuck in it even more. And as we know, being stuck in something is one of the worst possible experiences. It robs us of our masculine presence. You know, the ability to confidently and consciously bring a topic up, share what it is that we want to say and have it make a difference.

04:59 Get the positive. positive result out of it. When you keep avoiding it, when you keep trying to suppress it, when you keep trying to say it doesn't matter, it does. So, you know, telling one on myself a little bit here. By the way, the reason, one of the reasons I'm sharing this is because of a personal experience over the last couple of weeks. You know, I try and be as real as possible in the podcast with everyone always. And, you know, my relationship, you know, as I've shared many times, is brilliant. It's exactly what I want it to be. But there's something just around

05:37 money, the success of the business, where that's at. I had it and to a degree still have it in my mind that we don't want to burden our wife or our partner with too much of what is going on in that area. However, there's definitely a fine line there between sharing what is an appropriate amount to have the person feel trusted, involved, that they know what everything else is going on, and bloody keeping them from it. Now, we don't say we're keeping them from it. We're just sort of managing the conversation, which is what I thought I was doing. But through a series of somewhat unexpected events this summer,

06:21 the finances, the children's costs as we head into a new school year and everything's cranked up, it suddenly becomes an unavoidable conversation. And that's what happens. If you don't bring it up, if you don't bring it to the table in a way that you've got control over it, circumstances will quite likely engineer themselves that the subject gets bought up for you, that you don't get to avoid it any longer. Now you're also having to address it, not on your terms. Quick interruption, men. If you're listening to the Johnny Jensen show, then I dare say you are a family man who wants success at home as much as in business.

07:44 You know, you just, I was just waiting for you to tell me. And that waiting for me to tell her, how long had that been going on for? What's that like for the other person in their own mind thinking, is something okay, is something off? So then we don't get the full experience of that person in our life. Or at the very least, we don't get them being normal because they're experiencing us as not being normal. And that's the important part of this. As men, as leaders in our own lives, let alone men who are inspiring and leading our families, of giving them the confidence and the security to be the best version of themselves.

08:25 It's not an option to withdraw or withhold, withdraw from conversations or withhold conversations. You can't hide it. And that's the thing. And the final part of this is that the complete opposite of holding it in and feeling disempowered is bringing it up and handling it in a way that even though it might be a difficult conversation, even though it might be something that you're not sure how they're going to take, when you bring it up and handle it with heartfelt intention, like really, what is your intention behind this?

09:04 Like when we're clear on what we're up to, how we show up, how our body responds, the energy and confidence and charisma we have around a topic is shifted when we're clear about what we're up to, when we're confident about bringing it to the table. Even if we're not confident about the outcome, we can be confident about how we're addressing things. They know what's going on. You're not hiding it very well. And the longer you leave it, the worse it's going to get. And the likelihood is that the opportunity to address it is going to get taken out of your hands. This is how it all unravels. And if you've got multiple conversations like this happening in your life,

09:46 the emotional load of those things is horrific. Again, compared to the empowering. boosting sense of yourself as I'm someone who can bring up difficult conversations when I need to. I'm someone who can influence others and create positive outcomes for us all. If we take a Stephen Covey perspective, I'm someone who can create powerful win-win conversations for everybody. If that's where you're coming from, how could you possibly not bring up conversations? Because that's so much better than sitting in it, suffering in it for as long as you might have to.

10:26 I've got guys that, you know, been married or in long-term relationships, 15, 20 years, and they're wrestling with how to bring up the subject of their sex life. You know, and the relationship isn't getting any better as a result of it. And the longer you hold on to it, the more frustration sets in. And as that frustration, and like I said before, the danger, like it's dangerous to bring this up, takes root, it then becomes an even weirder conversation when you stop. I just want, could we wonder maybe, can I please like you bumble your way into the conversation and it's just weird.

11:05 So what conversations are you avoiding? What uncomfortable subject are you trying to rehearse in your mind about how you're going to bring it up? You know, who's it going to involve? What's it going to take? And it doesn't mean that you have to, there's two things, you know, about how you actually get the result in these areas. Number one, you don't have to just dump it straight on them and actually, you know, letting them know, listen, I've got something important that I want to chat with you about. Like it's like, it's, you know, I think it's really going to benefit our relationship. I've really given it some thought as to like what might be going on for you. And, you know, is there a good time when we can sit down for 15 minutes or so?

11:49 You know, I think it's really going to make a big difference to us. I don't want to catch you off guard. I'd just love to do it where we've really got some time together where we can have a great conversation. Like you, you set up, you set the room for it. And then the second part of this is that you get to be the difference that you want to create whenever you decide. Just because you haven't had the conversation, just because you haven't got the result that you desire in that area yet, doesn't mean that you can't start to bring it. And when you're being a high-value man about this, you don't bring it from a selfish point of view about what you want.

12:26 You take the time to observe what might the other person need from me in order for me to get the result that I want. Like what's in it for them? You know, particularly around relationships, intimacy and sex. The result that the man wants is probably different than the result that the woman wants. How is the relationship? What's quality time like between the two of you? How much pressure have you both got on your shoulders? Where's she at in her world and her life? Does she feel supported and understood by you? So you get to start to make a difference in those areas before you've even had the conversation.

13:08 Whether that's a note in her bag, whether it's complimenting her, whether it's hugging her for a slightly longer time in the morning. You know, put yourselves in their shoes. And the same applies in work or in other family relationships or connections with friends and people that we're trying to sell to. You know, whether if you some books you might want to read, non-violent communication, how to win friends and influence people, these all pull on these ideas. I mean, or to be fair, this all pulls on ideas from there. So what makes the conversation an invitation? What can you do to set it up in a way that leaves the other person feeling empowered as well as yourself?

13:51 And what is the win that they might be looking for in order for you to get your win? So classically creating the win-win. These are some of the things that we talk about inside or address inside the high value man system for living on our fire code accountability calls in the Forge group and in Elite 101. I would love you to be part of that. Go to highvalue manproject.com forward slash turbo call and book yourself in on a short introduction call with me to share exactly what you're up to. And if you've got any value out of this episode, be sure to share it with other men in your life.

14:30 Subscribe, leave a review on Apple or Spotify or over on YouTube. It would be a real benefit and help us take this message out to more men in the world. Don't hold on to difficult conversations. Don't hold on to things that you're avoiding. The very fact that they're difficult or you're avoiding them is exactly the moment, exactly the realization that you should have. That it means bring it up right now. Okay, men, I'll see you on the next episode. Let's go.