Fathers Day - It's Massive And It's Meaningless

00:00 Father's Day, is it important or is it meaningless? We've got your back, dads, whatever you're experiencing this weekend. And I love the fact that it's the same all around the world. I am dropping this as a little, I guess it's like a little podcast special if you're watching or listening on the podcast. But if you're watching, because I've shared it on social media, it is going to be Father's Day this weekend. I am a single dad. I am also in a long-term, awesome relationship. So I have been a stepson. I have been a stepdad. I lost my mum when I was a kid. I went through divorce as a kid.

00:42 I've been through divorce as an adult. You know, the idea that Father's Day is anything other than just soup to me is bonkers. My dad in particular, you know, he doesn't like, I'm not a big fan of Father's Day. He's like, oh, we have to go the week before and pretend we're not seeing him for Father's Day. Next week's going to be his 83rd birthday. It's on Tuesday. So it's, you know, 36 hours after Father's Day. So we can kind of count it in on there. Showing gratitude and an expression of love to my dad, to the other father figures in my life, Rob

01:25 in particular, you know, as well as other family in Chicago, Michael Paddy, Danny, Uncle Mike. You know, there's lots of men who have taken on that role of father figure. And to a degree, friends can as well. You can have friends that you look up to and hold in high esteem. You can have bosses even, you know, mentors. All these father figures in your life are important. And to give them their dues, to acknowledge them, you know, that is, that's what Father's Day is. So consider them as well. But Father's Day, what is it to be a father?

02:03 You know, it's one of the most thankless tasks, really. And this does get hit home in particular when you're a single dad, because a lot of the things that you end up doing, you know, you probably would have shared the load with as in a traditional family setup. You know, but when you are cooking, cleaning, school runs, bedtimes, you know, you're taking on the role of mum and dad at the same time. What I hope that does for men is it gives them a real awareness of the effort and commitment on all sides that it takes to be a dad.

02:44 And I say that because some men aren't necessarily. Okay. And then whether it's expectation around what Father's Day looks like or how it should be, it gets a bit skewed. Like we don't need gratitude as fathers. It's really nice when we receive it. It's welcome. It gives us a moment to check in and really acknowledge, oh yeah, man, I do a lot. Like I really do do a lot. Are you wearing that as a burden? Are you wearing it as a pressure? You know, if you're working hard to create the business and it means you're missing out on your kids' childhood, well, guess what?

03:21 That ain't coming back. You know, 18 summers, 18 Christmases. And quite frankly, the first 12 are the ones that really matter in that respect. You know, my kids are both teenagers now and things are very different. They won't be with me on Father's Day this Sunday. And that's fine. I did mention it to them and they were both preoccupied with GCSEs and dance performances. You know, it's kind of natural and understandable. And here's the most important thing, especially for single dads out there. If you can't be with them this weekend, then just do it another weekend. You know, I really feel for men who are not seeing their kids on Father's Day because of some kind of contact argument, some sort of ding-dong with their ex, you know, and so if that is where you're at, then

04:10 don't sweat the small stuff. You know, if you're going to be able to see them next weekend, then brilliant. Just make it next weekend. Some of the best Father's Days, I'm saying this as someone who says Father's Day doesn't really bother me, a couple spring to mind where my kids were suddenly of that age where they could cook or at least pretend, you know, like make a mess everywhere and bring some bacon sandwiches up. But they made me a sign, love you, dad, and they brought me breakfast in bed. Of course, I get up quite early, so they had to come and tell me you're not allowed to get up. And they were about 10 and 8, 11 and 9, that sort of age. And so those moments are special, but don't feel like you're missing out on them. If you're a single dad,

04:53 if your ex wouldn't let you have the kids on on Father's Day, oh my gosh, if you know a woman like that. then please, anyone who's watching this, have a word. It's not okay. You know, it's not that my kids can't see me this weekend. We're just at a point in this journey where it doesn't matter so much. I get to say to them, don't worry about it. We'll do it next weekend. You've had a lot on. But if you're a dad that's having to fight for that contact, then I feel for you. But don't let it take you down. Don't go to the park and flipping, be miserable as other families play. Don't reflect on all the things that you're missing out on. The only way to get through being a single dad is to get really, really clear on what it is that's coming next.

05:37 Because when we wallow in the past, it drags us down. We wallow in what we're missing out on and we don't have, then we suffer and struggle rather than create. There is a moment in time where your kids come back. And this could be for dads who are still in a traditional setup and their kids are a little bit off the rails right now. It's about staying present, about staying committed, about staying available. What you're getting back at this time, well, it might not be exactly what you want, but it doesn't mean that you stop being dad. It doesn't mean that it stops being on offer. Because there will come a time, we all hope, we all can live in faith and expectation that if I keep doing my bit, at some point they're going to need me.

06:22 At some point, they're going to want me. You don't do that out of desperate, like, oh, hope, when's it ever going to come? No, not at all. You do it out of living up to your full potential, of chasing your dreams, so that they're inspired, so that they're interested, so that they go, what's that man up to? What is my dad up to? I wonder what it would be like to hang out with him, to see him, to be part of his life. And it might come in bloody 10 years' time when they're having kids of their own, 20 years' time when they're having kids of their own. It is tough. I get that. But this thing called fatherhood is a blessing.

07:03 It's an experience. People said to me, someone said to me the other day, like, oh, yeah, well, it's tough, isn't it? And I was about to answer them, I go, do you know what? I'm not trying to be a dick or be challenging, but it's bloody amazing. It is tiring. It is a challenge at times. But the fun bits, the magic bits, they're an absolute joy. And yeah, if you're missing out on some of those, then that's tough. But focus your energy and attention on new memories in the future, plans to look forward to. Because that is what being a dad is about. This was just a rambling drop-in because I know it's Father's Day tomorrow and I wanted to say something.