Win At Home Before You Lose It All: The 5 Step System For Midlife Men

00:00 When in at home, when a man thrives at home everyone around him thrives. When everyone around him thrives life get easy. When life is easy he thrives in work this is the high value man blueprint it doesn't work the other way round role thing Welcome to The Jonnie Jensen Show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches relationships and results they deserve. Get your high value man blueprint and join our community at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go!

00:40 Welcome men to the High Value Man Show. Well, it's The Jonnie Jensen Show but I am the founder and head coach at The High Value Man Project. It is absolutely great to have you here once again. If it's your first time how did you find us? Please go wherever you're listening and subscribe make sure you hit The some kind of leave a review button. And of course, share this with other men in your life because that's what we're up to here is we are making a difference to men in the world. It is our mission to see men thrive at home as much as in their work and to be honest even more so because when we're thriving at home, we're more productive at work. We're more effective at work. We can focus more but far more important than that, when men thrive

01:24 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, highvaluemanproject.com Everything works out, right? Not every woman is going to be happy to hear that. It's not about telling them what to do or being in control. Not at all! But the world needs strong confident charismatic men okay? Men that can withstand challenges. Men that can make money. Men that can be creative if that's their thing or strong if that's their thing. Masculinity ultimately your identity ultimately is yours

02:19 But you have to go out there and get it because when you don't, that's when men struggle. That's when we fall into the low value death spiral and life becomes tricky. And the reason why I want to flag all this up today is because of The Winning at Home series which we're running across this month which is June...at risk of timestamping that! ...and Accelerate our eight-week group program for Dads, predominantly midlife dads. Men who are creating success at home as well as work that's the promise right and off the back of our winning at-home events there is the opportunity to enroll in Accelerate. It's a small group program for 20 men maximum like I said we run it three times a year and this is the July like the summer intake

03:08 I really want to invite you to come and be part of that, either by getting a taste in the Win at Home webinar or through literally jumping into the Accelerate page. Probably the best thing that you could do is go and register for Win At Home so highvaluemanproject.com forward slash win hyphen at hyphen home or win dash at dash home. That will get you registered up into one of the webinars. And if you don't come to the webinar, you can still just dive straight into it, accelerate What I want to do with you today is run through the five core elements that has a man win at home. Has a man secure his identity and thrive? And the reason I came to do this was, I was updating my

03:55 Kickstart your single dad life ebook. No one reads a bloody ebook these days, but it accompanies now with some adjustments, it accompanies the scorecard process when you go and discover your high value man score you want something to go alongside that says how can you improve this score? We send you your fully personalized response to your answers which is run through our AI High Value Man Assistant but Some people like to, it depends left brain right brain creative. You know what side you land on? And so I went through and I updated it and it just really hit home these five key areas they're like sequential is how we build ourselves up as a man. It's how we're able to lead our families. Is how we're able to fundamentally create the life that we desire being the man want to be. So I'm going to take you into them now right.

04:47 Number one, it's a two up before I get into number one. One of the main reasons I see men crumble struggle is fundamentally through loss of identity and it's this baseline that we have to pull from when we're kids like if we were able to dream really easily, we can say we're going to be an astronaut or a footballer. We can And if you're listening to the podcast regularly, you'll know I talk about this a great deal. Where we're at in our twenties just

05:26 Jonnie Jensen, highvaluemanproject.com But then the script kicks in, then life starts to run its crazy pattern on us. And before we know it we're working hard, we're coming home tired, we're pissed off with mess and kids and wife nagging at us like...and all of a sudden we stop being that awesome bloke that she fell in love with. We stopped being that awesome bloke who we liked in the mirror! Like we liked going having a laugh with ourselves

06:12 That is all symptomatic of one thing, and that is a man losing his identity. It's a man forgetting who he's meant to be. So the number one way to build yourself up, to take on life and be exactly the husband, the man, the brother, the father that you want to be is to follow these five high value man principles. Number 1. You can't pour from an empty cup. It's about your energy levels, it's about being able to hit each day with an energy and drive that has you create results. The problem is like life does kick in we do start to get a little bit older but so many men as they get busy then poor lifestyle habits kick in modern lifestyle habits kick in. You know you have to realize there was only

07:07 A couple of hundred years ago that we were still walking around or if you're lucky enough to be able to afford a horse, like the amount of exercise that we naturally had to do to survive part of our entire evolution as animals. And yet some sort of 150-180 years ago invented the car, the train, the bus, the plane all of it and now we sit on our asses as much as possible even in work And so that energy level is already tanking. And that's before you bring in modern day foods and access to shit, well food and shit food are the same thing but food entertainment access to cheap dopamine like instant hits from scrolling porn gambling gaming none of it's real but in the moment it feels awesome but to our inner core to the machinery that we are its toxic

08:04 And then because as humans, as men we think we're doing everything that we need to do to create the life that we desire but something's off. Something is not quite right. Something feels flat. There's tension there's arguments there's disappointment there's stress there's anxiety And rather than looking at ourselves and taking on responsibility, we look at where's this coming from? Who's causing this? Whose fault is this. It's her it's the kids it's the economy it's the weather its clients it's anything other than yourself but in saying that it's all these things are outside of your control so the more that we try to change them the more that we end up stuck

08:45 And being stuck is a horrible place. Being stuck means you're damned if you do, damned if you don't that's called the double bind it's a terrible emotional place to find a terrible mental health pinch is the double bind. You can't stay, you can't leave so what do you do? You stress about the fact that you can't stay or leave And the pit stop analogy, which I use all the time. That Formula One car has to come in and pit on a regular basis. You have to change the fuel or refuel, change the tires, wipe the visor, change a bit of the car that's broken put some oil in like whatever it takes to send the car back out on the track to either keep succeeding and maybe

09:29 If you put the right focus and attention in, win the bloody race. Skip the pit stop and your literally gambling that you'll be able to see it through if I can just keep going if I could just hang on another week six months year if we could just get to the other side everything will be alright meanwhile the whole experience of life starts running through your fingers like sand is a shit show As we often talk about, and will come on to in the next point is a 5 out of 10 life. Which means no wonder you are not a very nice man to live with? No wonder she doesn't want to jump your bones! No wonder your kids are bored with you so then

10:11 With all those external factors still playing out and us not being able to do anything about it, we get more and more stuck in our ways. You know, more and more what's the word sedentary? More and more pissed off okay you can't pour for an empty cup as simple as that! You have to go out and refuel, refocus look after yourself so next up number two the cost of the wrong life Now, staying in this worn out frustrated place would eventually drain all a man's vision and drive and desire. The compromises start to stack up you stop focusing on what you want and start focusing on what you don't want like a daily frustration of I don't want this or that anymore why won't she stop this when will that end? And so our world closes in

11:05 It becomes negative and resentful. It's like, not like it literally is you become so out of alignment with what you want, what you desire even down to your values. And this is the experience of a man losing his voice that post word is emasculation, like had your bollocks ripped off when you don't know who you are and you've got nothing to stand up for. Like when you're not being your true self then you got nothing. And that is like a hole in the boat No matter how fast you push forward, no matter how much effort you put in. No matter how great the boat is that boat is going down with a hole in it. That's where the five out of 10 or five or six out of ten existence comes from. How's life? It's all right and it's fine. No, it's not! It's shit! Fine is not what we were put on this earth to do...to live..to experience. Fine is a flipping

12:02 Rock, just stuck on the side of a hill. Right? Well that's not who we are. We are the ultimate creature on this planet. We can create and do and be whoever we want. We can go wherever we want. Think about that for a moment. How dare you be stuck in miserable! Is this the life you dreamed up? Is this your full potential? You know it's not like if it's not, that's what was going on And even if you are pushing the envelope, what comes next? What's the next level up. A lot of men that work with me inside The High Value Man Project particularly if we go down any of the three front doors, burnout relationship struggle or divorce when you fix that thing when you address or transform that situation you level up

12:48 It feels great, but then the question comes what's next? Because you can it can be great and if you can get so used to the level you're at then maybe Great is only a five or six out of ten of what's really possible. So you get to ask or challenge yourself What comes next who could I be next? What could we create next Stop being pissed off with what's not working. Get real about where that frustration is coming from, what haven't you achieved? Where are you compromised? What values aren't you living by? What decisions are you avoiding? What regrets have taken hold? 100% responsibility looks like you addressing all those areas not looking for what happened to you but for what you can create next I guess like

13:35 Kennedy, you know? Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country. Ask not what all these bloody other people can do for you ask us what you can do for yourself ask what does being the difference like if you were literally the difference what does that look like that is where you're going to find some energy that is what's gonna drive you forward That's what gets you out of bed excited in the day and then point three it gets scientific It gets into the machinery of what we are to be humans. This incredible machine that we live in is fuelled by our hormones, by our reactions and responses to situations and the chemicals that we need to thrive

14:22 Not just to survive, but to actually thrive are all born out of what we're doing. What we're thinking how we relate into certain situations? How much time was spending out in the wild? How much sun were getting? How much is a good stuff with soaking up because from an evolutionary point of view that all that we've needed all that to get to where we are at today so when our modern lifestyle doesn't give us Those responses, those physiological responses. Those neurological responses that biochemistry when we're not doing anything in our life to set those fireworks off you will feel shit! It's not her it's not the job is not the commute is not the economy is not the clients its YOU which is hard to hear and if you are like smashing it and doing all these things trust me have a look

15:15 You know, going back to the point above. There'll be some kind of frustration that you're not addressing and because of that frustration there'll be some part of these dose chemicals that you're not getting dopamine oxytocin serotonin endorphins these are the feel-good and love and reward chemicals that we get from being active and present in our lives for ourselves and for others The reason why many men will Put all their effort into work or even to a hobby, right? It's because it becomes predictable. Like we, like us meat factory you put the meat in and the sausage factory they put the meat in and the sausage comes out. You go to work, you do your job, you feel good, you come home. Like it's quite safe. It's quite set. And even if it's not exactly what we want bizarrely something that's

16:07 Jonnie Jensen, highvaluemanproject.com Where's that coming from? I work my ass off to provide for all you lot. How dare you! Well, maybe you do but also maybe you've become a bit shit Maybe you're putting up with too much. Maybe you're not winning at all so... You got to have a look

16:54 Where in your life you perform well and what works? And is some of that how you're being there, what's missing from the area that's not working. Like could you bring some of that and have the result or the complete flip side of that which you have to do the audit on is are you trying to use that model that works there over here? The classic example would be some kind of drill sergeant in the army like it works to shout at guys If you come home, shout at people and expect them to jump when you say so. Are they going to? And are they going to appreciate it? Probably not! So you've gotta have a look either something's missing that would make a difference or you're putting something in that's fundamentally messing it up. You have to be self-aware enough to recognize which of those it could be

17:45 You can't wait for life to give you the feel good chemicals that you're looking for, that you're missing. You've got to go out there and get them yourself. The example from a Elite one-on-one session with a client this week was just about the impact of him planning a date and going and organizing it and taking the picnic and doing this little thing where they made poems using AI Like it was a beautiful moment and what it did is he gave his wife the space to open up and through her poem, tell him a whole bunch of things that weren't really working for her alongside all the things she loved about him. Now that possibly wasn't what he expected but notice that he created the safe space for her to do that. And out of that if we're talking about dose chemicals, he's got the oxytocin of spending time with the woman he loves

18:42 He's got the serotonin of being out in the fresh air and active, and actually being in action. Right? And then he's got the dopamine, the reward. He did something positive and he got a reward back so then we get a dopamine hit that yes I like that, that's worth doing again. The dopamine is the crack that we want to come back and get more off. You have to appreciate that our sedentary lifestyle, that we talked about above is not firing the human machine. And in terms of The High Value Man Project we've reverse engineered this into the fire code

19:23 So the fire code is a focus, that's you and your physical mental emotional strength. That's impact, that's your money, your business, your community. That's relationships which comes on to the next point in a moment but the people around you that love and support and drive you forward. And then fourth and finally is energy, E in the fire code which is fun adventure and peace so when you apply all these things when you run the Fire Code Accountability Tool you are triggering And if you're not already a subscriber, subscribe now.

20:12 But who's holding you accountable? What kind of support have you got and this is where the fourth point comes in, okay. Which is the diamond alliance it s the people in your life men that aren't winning at home right and generally it cuts across business as well because when men aren't winning at home I will ask them well who's in your corner? Who's your network? Who are your friends how much of your family do you see what about quality time with your kids or about I'm going to start with a couple of words about the word success. Success is a very important part of life, and it's something that we all have to deal with in our daily lives. And so, what does this mean? Well, you know, when you think about your date night and laughter with your wife, successful men are so often missing out on those four groups of people.

21:11 Men who are striving, men who are trying to create the business. Men who want to make enough money so they can have a nice home and family holidays and really be the dad man they want to be but they have to work hard to create it. And if they let their foot off the gas a tiny little bit all this stuff that they wanted or this stuff that they thought defined them, the money, the home, the wife, kids, holidays... If they stop working hard, they won't have any of that seeing our friends Spending time with family, having mentors and a strong network. If all those get in the way of I've got to work hard to make money then we stop doing those as well and then what happens? We're left with pretty much one or two sets of people that are carrying it all and I see this all the time relationships that are on their knees because that's all they've got

22:05 And commonly, a woman will have her close circle of friends. Will have mother family like women don't necessarily always go through this like men do but you work hard to create the results you want and to the detriment of yourself and your family because now she's your counselor, your mentor, your friend or your advisor, your confidant. Like she has all these things that she didn't sign up to be She wants to be your lover and your teammate, your wife. Doesn't want a mother you she doesn't want to counsel you and your kids it's a red flag to me when I hear men talk about my kids are my everything of course our kids should be important to us but they shouldn't really be our everything most commonly i hear men say that when other parts of their life are in a mess they justify how they're feeling

23:01 Hi, I'm Jonnie Jensen. Like it means having people over to laugh and joke with. It means hanging out with your dad and your brother so that then when you get to be dad to them, they're getting the best version of you recharged, energized relaxed got cool stuff to talk about honestly although it's vital when our kids are little that they see us as that incredible superhero that's there for them There's also that moment where

23:57 When you come in at the end of the day or from a weekend away with your mates and they run into your arms, that's where you know you've ticked both of those boxes. Trust me when I tell you when a man tells me that they really don't have many friends or they don't see them as much as they want to and not that connected with their family, I generally know they're going to end up struggling sooner or later. The relationships that matter most of them are going to become strained So you have to have that diamond alliance, fit healthy strong friendships. Mentors that advise and support you don't be the smartest guy in the room loving life because of what you're up to with all these groups of people then the quality time your kids matter then the date nights and weekends away that have to be sacred and like locked into your diary with your wife

24:46 And if you're not a fan of the word, then I'm going to give you some tips on how to use it. What are you listening to? What are you watching? Are you even that classic line from Arthur, sometimes I just think funny things. That's possible with inside all of us just as much as the grumpy old git is possible inside all of us. The man that can find reasons to laugh and man that can spot joy

25:36 I'm And The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, highvaluemanproject.com

26:42 You know, I say to the men I work with and it relates to myself. If Tottenham are on am I watching them on telly? Or could well be crying into my pillow over the last two seasons but am I gifting myself that 90 minutes? Am I putting my laptop away? Have I got my... My daughter doesn't watch football anymore but she used to have a got my kids there with me are we enjoying this time is it a reward for the hard work that's been put in already yes it can and should be You know, because if we don't fill our lives up with fun and adventure. Right? Adventure go and find it go and experience some exhilarating speed, go and jump off a zip wire or flipping plane like go and have something that kicks you in the ass adrenaline wise could be singing could be dancing could be, you know, a day rave it could be a gig whatever floats your boat get out there and do it so that you feel alive

27:42 That's how you show up in your family as the man that you want to be. That's how you win at home, that's how you take that energy into your work it doesn't come and find you have to go and find it! And if you're not doing the good stuff shit stuff will creep in... You know? If you haven't done the other four then you would generally pick up bad unhealthy habits. You'll look for things that make you feel good in negative places and like I said Booze, crap food, drugs, porn, gambling and a fair. Sitting in your basement playing Fortnite as an adult like no that is not showing up! That's not being the man in the mirror that really leaves you excited for life because if you're not excited for life people won't be excited around you so this is this is the essence of it A high value man knows who he is

28:41 He's like happy and secure in his money and in his work. He's got solid relationships around him with people that lift him up, a balanced network don't be the strongest guy in the room people that support you and push you forward And then of course to love and joy and laughter and passion that comes from your family and your wife It's very rare that fun and peace and adventure just lands in your lap You have to go out there and find it, which brings us really onto the final part. Right? What's available for you? Winning at home is the 60-minute webinars that are coming up in June. Accelerate an Elite One on One is the high value man system for living. It's not just a coaching program right now. That it is that because that's the instructions, that's the Ikea or Lego

29:36 The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen, highvaluemanproject.com It's a turn in the page, recognizing what I was doing here was giving me these results. Turning the page and seeing if I take this approach to how I see myself, if I take this approach to the people around me and how I function operate in the fun adventure I have then this is what's going to happen. The results are inevitable. One of the things my dad said to me powerfully during my

30:15 The dark days of my marriage and the divorce process. The problem is son, I'm just not sure you're having enough fun. And that seems bizarre to say when things are going bad when the storm is in your face but what I can tell you about my dad? The maverick man he is... Is that when he had loads of money and the business was thriving there was people all around us there were parties and holidays and fun You know the Concord to Council House story? Guess what, we still went and found Lippin days out at Brighton and played pitch-and-putt. He spent a little bit of money he had one Christmas going to Lakeside bought a pair of jeans

31:03 I'm going to start with a question that's been asked by many of you. System for Living actually fundamentally starts with a scorecard. You can go and take that scorecard, you can discover where your energy joy and connection are leaking at highvaluemanproject.com forward slash score takes a couple of minutes you get a score instantly and then you get your fully personalized results emailed to you and then accelerate an elite one-on-one our System for Living program and then for those that have been through that there's the invitation opportunity to come and do

31:58 It's about your clarity, it's about your courage and it's about your commitment to living the life that you desire brick by brick step-by-step. Because when you have those things life becomes a rich adventure. Everything is always working out for me is an expression or as I adjusted that around me everything works And it does so because of the structure and system you put in place. It's because of who your being, if your experience is less than a seven or an eight out of 10 of life... If your frustrations at home are doing nothing, if you're constantly roaring and bickering with people, if you're frustrated by your work or your business and you just got this constant thought of how am I going to fix this? How am I gonna fix this? How am I gonna fix this?

32:49 If you find yourselves at parties wishing you were as much fun as you used to be, or the opposite going flipping all in mental and waking up with a flippin hangover that last two days. It's probably a sign that you're not okay with yourself and that's not what we're here for I'm a stand men thrive And for themselves, for their family, for their work. Really? For the whole world! The world needs men to thrive. I hope this has been a value it's been recorded to accompany The Winning at Work webinar that's going to be running rest of the month go to highvaluemanproject.com forward slash win. Do you know what? Go to winathome. I'm going to flip in adjust or make a redirect that takes you there but

33:36 highvaluemanproject.com forward slash winathome, if the webinar lives have finished you'll probably find a recording on that page so it's worth going there anyway. You got to ask yourself what's at stake? What's at stake if you don't do this how much longer are we gonna put up with where you're at because we've been given this opportunity on this rock Thanks for tuning in to The Jonnie Jensen Show. Be sure to subscribe, leave a review and share it with fellow dads!

34:22 Creating the life you deserve starts with you. Get your High Value Man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go!